So if anyone complains that The Pink Panther 2 is the latest nail in the coffin of the original Inspector Clouseau, you can correct them.
I was not looking forward to screening this sequel. I remember very little of Steve Martin's first outing in this series, aside from the accent coach/"hamburger" scene -- which was horrible, then strangely funny and compulsively rewatchable. Then there's the title: films in the Pink Panther series have reached double digits, and many have interesting names. Are MGM and Columbia really so lazy as to slap a "2" on it? Color me disappointed.
But I'll admit that the new film delivers on some levels. The inspector still can't pronounce American food and is detested by his superiors, but the plot allows for some bloated (but welcome) casting. It's debatable whether Andy Garcia, Lily Tomlin, Jeremy Irons, Alfred Molina, and TMBWITW Aishwarya Rai Bachchan are actually slumming, considering the likely international box office.
A long-retired thief named The Tornado has resurfaced to steal priceless artifacts in multiple countries, and Clouseau is assigned to a crime-solving dream team. Mishaps ensue, Clouseau is discredited, Clouseau rebounds. The story is nothing special, but it does give Andy Garcia the opportunity to play a light role as Clouseau's professional and romantic rival. I also liked the development of Jean Reno's character, the fully capable officer who's still respectful and deferent to Clouseau.
I am less enthusiastic about Steve Martin, who was similarly uninspiring in last weekend's Saturday Night Live. As a comedy actor, he's not really trying anymore. Wanting to believe the best about him, I think his best work ahead is probably away from the camera, maybe in writing or music. This movie and any future installments are strictly about getting paid. Judging from the positive response of the parents and kids in the audience -- and the good money a PG-rated movie can bring in these days -- it's going to be a big paycheck.
I hadn't heard of Slumdog Millionaire until a few months ago, when it garnered attention in the Toronto Film Festival. A heavily hyped film set in India? About an unlikely game show contestant who can answer tough trivia questions because of the tougher experiences in his life? This sounded familiar.
About three years ago I came across a novel entitled Q & A on the new release shelf in the local library. As is the fate of so many impulse selections, I started reading it but didn't get very far. Great premise, bad execution. At the time I failed to notice this statement on the book jacket: Q & A "is being translated into eighteen languages and is due to be made into a film."
After seeing an advanced screening of the movie, I forced myself to try the book again. The results are clear: Slumdog Millionaire improves upon its source material in almost every possible way. Better and clearer protagonist (Dev Patel), a better interrogating character (Irrfan Khan), more meaningful stakes, and flashback vignettes that are much more plausible. Credit screenwriter Simon Beaufoy (The Full Monty) for preserving the premise but creating a stronger, more unifying vision -- and, though I hate to admit this, a much needed Western touch.
Not that native influences aren't present. For example, I liked how the game show host (Anil Kapoor) talked in the Hindi equivalent of Spanglish, a language hybrid where English sentences were infused with homegrown slang and suffixes. That's totally realistic. I may have been the only one in the audience who fully understood him, but no one else was complaining. I also appreciated the music, a mix of pulsing instrumentation and Bollywood pop; there's a train sequence that finally made me understand what M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes" was all about.
Director Danny Boyle also made Trainspotting, and I bring this up because he manages to top his worst-toilet-in-Scotland scene, with appalling but humorous results here. His film is uncompromising and at times not easy to watch. There's violence depicted, some of it against children, and other dark themes that only seem surprising when you're a safe distance away from the setting.
If you haven't heard too much about this movie, you must be wondering what the big deal is, and why reactions have been so divisive. I found it rewarding, and liked it tremendously, but I think you should be prepared. Yes, it's a crowd-pleaser, but it's not for every crowd.
I was watching the Maui Invitational game between Indiana and Notre Dame (your 2009 national champion) when something curious appeared on the ESPN ticker: in baseball, the Pittsburgh Pirates have signed a pair of Indian-born men, Rinku Singh and Dinesh Patel, to free agent contracts. They were the top finishers in an Indian reality TV show designed to find raw pitching talent.
Read about it here. Just another example of how Indian culture is slowly taking over the world. Why not baseball? I must admit I'm a little surprised that Pittsburgh took the leap, and not Cleveland.
But this story is exciting for so many other reasons. Consider...
1. They're learning English, in part, from watching Baseball Tonight. So when they hear the phrase "hot stove," they won't be thinking about kitchen safety. I think it's cool. I'd much rather hear my brethren adopt the speech cadences of Peter Gammons than, say, Dick Vitale.
2. My mind races with the cinematic possibilities. Will Lagaan be repurposed as a scouting video? Will Bollywood get wise and make their own versions of Field of Dreams or The Sandlot? Better yet, does this story give director Danny Boyle material for a new cultural trilogy?
3. Finally, there's a reality TV show that positively contributes to society. It's about time. Until now, only Rock of Love embraced that lofty standard of quality. And while I still have so much to learn from the great Bret Michaels, I know he can't be everywhere.
Recently I learned that Google can help me inch ever closer to the Motherland, thanks to Blogger's new transliteration feature. (The Google Blog announces it here.) It automatically translates phonetically spelled Hindi phrases into Devanāgarī script. This way, I can properly convey my feelings when English just won't do.
Excellent! Now I just have to learn Hindi.55 Fiction Friday speaks the international language... of math."Don't commit these acts without the courage to face the consequences. If you must turn the gun on yourself, why not do that first, limiting the body count to one? Knowing what you know now, who doesn't agree?"
The penitent speaker had their belated attention. It was a particularly well-attended lecture, especially for Hell.
I've paid mild attention to American Idol, but really get into it once it's down to 12 finalists. With DVR, I can just watch the wrap-up clips of the contestants and decide which I want to hear in its entirety (or for which I want to watch the judges' responses).
Normally I start playing favorites around now, but I'd rather address the curious case of Sanjaya Malakar. I saw him and his sister in the auditions, and made a mental note to follow their progress. I mean, Indian-American idols? What a bizarre way to advance the ethnicity! I'm on board!
Interestingly, also on board are Howard Stern and Vote for the Worst. While their intentions are unclear -- is it the frizzy hair? -- I'll take the support. Because this is what everyone needs to realize: enough people who watch American Idol are voting for an Indian guy. This means, in all likelihood, that white teenage girls are voting for him (a theory posed here). And this is a good thing for every awkward, too-skinny Indian high schooler trying to fit in. Trust me, I know.
Voting for older and better singers may be wise. But voting for Sanjaya is actually important.55 Fiction Friday hung out in the chemistry lab after school.The hit show's producers decided to try something different.
Whittle the field to 64 singers and divide them into four groups: Stevie Wonder wannabes, soulful divas, Southern rockers, and punk chicks. Keep Randy and Simon, but replace Paula with Dick Vitale.
Ratings were about the same. The winner had old school appeal but mid-major talent.
Life matters again as Prison Break begins its second season tonight. The bad news is that I'll have to record it. The good news is that I should be attending an advanced screening of Idlewild.
Speaking of escapism, what happened to Snakes on a Plane? I don't think I've ever been so far off in estimating a movie's popularity. I thought it would clear $40 million this weekend, easily. It made around $15 million.
Snakes on a plane! Screw the box office -- the title's still awesome.
Even if you add in the $10 million for Accepted -- I assume that many people bought tickets for that PG-13 movie, then slithered into a Snakes screening room -- that's still only $25 million. This may be the first time I've ever been disappointed that American viewers didn't go see something so craptacular.
Snakes on a plane! Go see it next weekend, or I'm calling for a draft.
Finally, a little Kal Penn news: he's joining the cast of 24. The bad news is that he may be playing a terrorist. The good news is that, on 24, assumptions are often wrong. But then, we already saw the suspected terrorist who turns out to be a good guy in Season 2. More on 24 and the Emmy Awards later this week.
Snape's on a plane! Thanks, APL.
No Archimedes moment here. My thoughts are with my relatives who still reside in the Motherland.
My parents are from the city of Surat, state of Gujarat, country of India. Surat's in the news this week because of the few hundred thousand residents who had to evacuate due to monsoon flooding. Gujarat is one of three Indian states most affected by the floods, and the rainy season can be a bit nasty, but this time I think it really hit home. My parents worry about their families there; there's no communication and little information.
The news reports vary wildly on the levels of water and the number of people displaced, but they all share one fact: Surat has a big diamond polishing industry. That's it. It's like some tidbit from an old press release. See, the correspondents aren't at the scene, so they describe the loss in terms of industry revenue. Normally I'd look to blogs for insider accounts, but I have a feeling the local bloggers have no electricity.
Welcome to India, the world's largest democracy.
55 Fiction Friday awaits those large ice cubes designed to stop global warming.Quincy's new shirt was an ugly gift from a cruel relative. He expected ribbing from his golf buddies. Instead, he got a job offer during an impromptu clubhouse lunch, and a date next weekend with a cute driving range instructor.
Fortune trumps fashion, Quincy realized. Now he had to develop a taste for bad taste.
Yesterday the National Spelling Bee was ready for prime time, promoted to ABC after years on ESPN. Years of dominance by my Indian-American brethren ended as Katharine Close of New Jersey won, spelling a Sanskrit word (kundalini) and winning on a German word (ursprache). Congratulations to Katharine, participating in her fifth contest. By the end she still had calm nerves, likely a result of being so bee seasoned.
German words figured heavily late in the competition: the runner-up misspelled weltschmerz, and heiligenschein took care of the last Indian kid, who placed fourth.
What's the message here to Indian parents: that their kids learn German? Who does that? Oh wait, I'm the only one. And a lot of good it's done: I'm not even attending the World Cup.
So, with the geography and spelling bees behind us, all we have left on TV is the Nasonex Bee.
55 Fiction Friday assumes all German spelling instructors look like Frau Farbissina.Frustrated by yet another unfunny skit, Garrett asked aloud, “What are these writers smoking?” He set out to determine the answer.
It’s not hard to wander from the official studio tour. Soon he found the writers’ lounge, and the answer: pure Jamaican high grade, imported direct.
Since then, Garrett thought just about everything was hilarious.
It was a year ago that I invented 55 Fiction Friday. (Sure, it has a bigger following over at Sepia Mutiny, but you can follow the trail of evidence: I influenced Maisnon, who inspired Anna, who then introduced it to Sepia readers here.)
I don't mind. Others have warmed to the format, and I'm amused that they're predominantly Indian. It's like I discovered something my people are good at.
Except for when I was in Vancouver and San Francisco, I've published stories exactly 55 words in length every Friday for a year. That's 50 stories, which you could call a collection, or a fairly tall building. Want to go back and read them? I've created an index.
To celebrate, I thought I'd raise the stakes significantly and write the rare story where all 55 words start with the same letter: A. (I've seen it done before with W and S.)55 Fiction Friday toyed with but eventually abandoned the palindrome idea. Maybe next year.Amber and April argued about Andrew all afternoon. Angered
at another asinine action, Andrew's aunts asserted absolute acrimony, as austere as an acidic affirmation, and as awful as any apathetic adage.
Automotive accidents appear alarmingly against authority. Andrew acted amiably, averting amusement and avoiding ample attention. After all, adolescents abhor attitude adjustments.
Apologies? An afterthought.
No recap of 2005 would be complete without a chronicle of the inroads that Indian culture has made in the American mainstream. This is why every major media outlet's year wrap-up has been incomplete. (Sports Illustrated bastards!) Until now.
Much thanks for the idea go to the folks who run Sepia Mutiny, a site that manages to track this very subject on nearly a daily basis, and with much greater detail than I will attempt here. (They "borrowed" 55 Fiction Friday from me, so I'd say we're even.)
We may as well start with Aishwarya Rai. Her 2004 film Bride & Prejudice got released stateside earlier this year, and was soon followed by her appearance in American commercials as one of the famous faces of L'Oreal (with or without possible voice dubbing). Introducing herself to English-language cinema in a Jane Austen movie adaptation is not as crazy as it sounds; back in 2000, she played the equivalent of the Kate Winslet role in a South Indian adaptation of Sense and Sensibility.
The tag "most beautiful woman in the world" has stuck to her, and while I'm glad that an Indian actress has achieved that notoriety, let's face it: she's no Monica Bellucci. One of the alleged faults of this adaptation is that Aishwarya's character is supposed to be the plainer of the two eldest sisters, but I didn't mind because I preferred Namrata Shirodkar (pictured, left).
More on this later. I saw Pride and Prejudice yesterday and thought it might be fun to compare these two recent films with the definitive 1995 BBC miniseries. There's a lot to compare, but I'll try to make it happen this month.
Aishwarya's costar Naveen Andrews had a pretty good year as well: formerly best known as the soldier from The English Patient, he resurfaced in the American mainstream in 2004 as Sayid on the TV series Lost. He plays an Iraqi character, but he was nominated for an Emmy, so I'm pleased. I know there are few women on the island, but it would still be nice if they gave him a romance that lasted longer than a single episode and didn't end in her death.
I don't watch ER anymore, but my mother tells me that Parminder Nagra's character not only escaped death in November sweeps, but in fact got married. To Dr. Gallant. Whatever.
While Grey's Anatomy still lacks an Indian doctor, viewers like me can appreciate the recent guest appearance of Sunkrish Bala as a one-night stand of the useless title character. He experienced a day-after nightmare, as he's diagnosed with priapism. And his character was named Steve Murphy, which tells me that the casting process must have been color-blind. Very cool.
Ravi Kapoor: still on Crossing Jordan. I haven't been watching. (Nor Indira Varma on HBO's Rome.) Rhona Mitra, who's quarter-Indian, defected from Boston Legal (which I no longer watch, now that she's not on it) to Nip/Tuck (which is too weird). And I have no interest in reality shows, so all I can tell you about Toral Mehta on The Apprentice is that she's of no relation.
Even without a M. Night Shyamalan release to behold or criticize, there was a little impact made by directors of Indian heritage. For better or worse, Jay Chandrasekhar graduated from his Broken Lizard comedy troupe to direct The Dukes of Hazzard. (I didn't see it, but it opened well, and I heard good things about its stunt car work. Maybe he'll emerge unscathed.) Also of note is Shopgirl, which was directed by Anand Tucker, and the 2004 Indian-themed documentary Born Into Brothels, which won an Oscar in 2005.
A different kind of Indian starlet came into her own, so to speak, in the adult film industry. Months ago I was in an Indian grocery store (waiting for my parents to determine what fresh vegetables they wanted to buy) when I picked a Indian-American lifestyle magazine and made two discoveries. One was an article about Sepia Mutiny and other Indian-themed blogs. The other was a story about Sunny Leone, a Canadian-born model who's apparently the newest contract headliner for Vivid Entertainment. They make movies with high production values, but will probably put her in about 20 films a year. In some ways, the adult film industry is like the old American movie studio system, or (ahem) Bollywood.
But most of the stuff I mentioned above is long form media. For the real action, look to commercials. There's the L'Oreal commercial, and then the Honda ad (listed as a featured video here) that uses Sri Lankan rapper M.I.A.'s "Galang." And, of course, the Kal Penn wannabe in the Poser Mobile ads. But maybe my favorite 2005 example is the middle-aged businessman in the ad for Starburst fruit chews. Go here, then click on the tape marked "Juicy Spot Lemon." You won't regret it.
So yeah, we're taking over, and not just by population standards. Just see how brown the world of entertainment gets by, oh, 2023.
Today I was waiting to make a left turn, and one of those driving school cars crossed me so that I got a full view of the sign of the door. The service was multilingual, which is good, but the choice of languages surprised me. Their Yellow Pages ad:
This? Here, in Las Vegas? Interesting.
Anyway, join the table for 55 Fiction Friday:I knew our dinner host to be perverse, but not like this. He seated an eminent historian next to a vacuous heiress-turned-TV-
personality.
"Our research has found a video of a Beijing student preaching to his followers, 'We didn't land on Tiananmen Square. Tiananmen Square landed on us!' Isn't that amazing?"
"That's hot."