Gaslighting Green Arrow

 This is why I don't read old JLA stories:

The Blackhawks. The Challengers of the Unknown. Plastic Man. Vigilante and Stuff. The Original Robotman. Congorilla. Rex the Wonder Dog. Flash. Superman. Batman & Robin.  Wonder Woman. Aquaman.  And, naturally, Lois Lane and Jimmy Olsen.
Just looking at that gives me a headache.

Following HJF1's lead, I made the foolish decision to read JLA #144 from 1977, from which I used a panel in the immediately previous post.  It's a "secret origin" story for the Justice League of America.  It's insanely unnecessary but it does have two nice points; it posits American anti-everything paranoia in the 1950s as the reason the Martian Manhunter kept himself under wraps for so long AND gives an actual logical reason why the JLA is called the Justice League OF AMERICA (to calms the fears of a paranoid populace).  

It also makes a fool out of Green Arrow, but, of course, plenty of stories do that.

But in the Bronze Age (and PARTICULARLY Bronze Age JLA), the only kind of kill was overkill. So instead of just having the other JLAers showing up for a call to action they had to throw in the Junk Drawer Brigade pictured above.

SO, how big a loser do you have to be to get dumped by the friggin' Blackhawks and the Chinatown Kid?

I knew what would come next.  The circumstances of the plot would be stretched to what lengths necessary to enable EACH guest-star to make a unique contribution to the plot.

Like Lois Lane, who uses deductive reasoning (rather than "reporter's instincts") and her woefully outdated outfit to sniff out some Martians.

Actually, Lois Lane DOESN'T sniff out a Martian. Who she really sniffs out is:

Adam Strange, who is almost captured by Congorilla.
Because OF COURSE Adam Strange has to stick his nose in even though they AREN"T EVEN IN THE SOUTHERN HEMISPHERE.
Go back to yer dirty, stinking Rannies, Adam.

Back to his Rannies.  Everything's a big joke to you, isn't it, Great Earth Savior?

But you know who DOES sniff out some Martians?

I bet you saw THAT coming.

I guess it makes sense that Green Arrow never knew this story; it's not like it was made public in the media.

Except for Roy Raymond who blasts out a worldwide call to gather forces to fight The Martian Invasion. Because just when you think a story can't get MORE annoying, horrible ROY RAYMOND pops in. I guess that's why so many losers answered the call to action; who ELSE watches Roy Raymond, TV Detective?

So Ollie,

who was off in his own private Idaho at the time

was completely unaware of a Martian Invasion, just because he was VACATIONING on desert isle in the South Seas? smh

It's just as well, because Ollie would have been emotionally crushed when he was not picked for the A Team

All the actual superhero icons, with Roy Raymond to pick up Rex's poop.

or even the B Team

Although I'd love to have heard the Blackhawks say some choice, multi-accented things about Green Arrow or dump him in the garbage can with Jimmy Olsen.

and was sloughed off to the Scrubs:

Four muscled-headed oafs who should be dead. Orville Peck, a brain in a can, Congo Bill, and a woman vain enough to think she can land Superman wearing clothes from 20+ years ago.

And the last thing anyone wants to see in Green Arrow cry.

Hobbes' Choice

There is much to react to in the New History of the DC Universe: inclusions that laudable, regrettable, tragic, and absurd.

But not much that is as laugh-outloud funny as this is:

One of these things
is not like the others.

Like most decent people, I ignored the whole "Leviathan" crossover, knowing full well that its after-effects on continuity would be zilch.  But, as a result I sadly missed the fact that it included Green Arrow among "the world's sharpest detectives".  

Tee hee.

Ollie may be the world's sharpest archer (or just have the world's sharpest arrows), but as I have noted here repeatedly "Ollie is no detective".  I'd like to think he just overheard something about this group and decided to add himself to it whether he was up to snuff or not.

Just as he did with the Justice League of America.

Batman and Robin? Obvs.  The Question? Makes sense; like Lois Lane, he's an investigative reporter, besides it's built into his name and his whole schtick. Manhunter, a crusading D.A., who also covered the "Mark Shaw" angle of it all.  Plas, whom foolish writers dismiss as a goofball, was (and may still be) an FBI agent for most of his comics career.  But... Green Arrow?

The ability to use a calendar does not make you a detective.  And it doesn't take a detective to know when Hal Jordan messes up.

He never even noticed his ward had become a junkie.
Really now.

I suppose the rationale was that the Leviathan thing was a big conspiracy and Ollie is the kind of person who goes for that sort of thing, but... yeah, no, the Question has that angle covered.  

If that group really needed a seventh, there are innumerable better or more natural choices.  If you just needed a Real Detective, you had Tim Trench, Slam Bradley, Jason Bard, Jonny Double, The Human Target, et al.  If you needed a "super-" detective you had the Elongated Man, Detective Chimp, Sam Simeon, et al.  If you needed another A-lister besides Batman, there was Flash, Martian Manhunter, or even Hawkman.

I'm not sure Hawkman would have been my choice, but there is precedent, and at least one version of him IS a police officer.

I can only assume Ollie was chosen by default. They DIDN'T want someone too super-powerful (Plas doesn't really count and neither does Manhunter, because I mean "super powerful enough to give the group too much of an advantage").  They wanted a "street level" investigative team, with enough of an anti-authoritarian bent to get their hands dirty but enough clout to cover their keisters. 

And if you're trying to keep things quiet, Hawkman isn't your first choice.

A Perfect Hal Jordan Dis

I think it's fair to say I am something of an expert on not respecting Green Lantern, backed by a twenty-year track record of highlighting his foibles.

For which twenty years is not enough.

Yet, this week, in Aquaman, of all places, I read the most damningly dismissive dis of Hal Jordan I have ever seen.  And from the mouth of a little girl.

NEVER HERE-O BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA

A witticism truly worthy of a young person discriminating enough to dress as Aquaman for Halloween.  One which strikes at a flaw in the execution of Hal Jordan as a character that is more pervasive than his being stupid, 

or clumsy, 

or vain.

It strikes at the fact that the "Hero of Coast City" is never there.  His adventures seldom occur there, he has few connections there, and it seldom has need of him (except when it is endangered by the fact that he lives there).  

He is NOT at home, washing his tights.

It's the same criticism I make of his infamous heel-turn into a universe-destroying maniac when Coast City was destroyed.  "How could Hal be that upset about Coast City when he's barely ever there?"

My own interpretation is that he wasn't upset so much because he LURVED Coast City, but because he felt guilt for being away so much, including when it needed him most.  It was own failure that drove him mad, not grief.

The fault isn't really "Hal's", as a character.  It's the fault of the writers who consistently favor extraterrestrial adventures for Hal rather than terrestrial ones.  It's an understandable preference; Earth is, after all, lousy with superheroes and in space there are lot fewer things to hit your head on.

Fewer. But not zero.

The Ga-Ga Gun

 August 1964

Owlman uses his Illumina-Gun in "Crisis on Earth Three" (Justice League of America #29)

April 1967

The Owl uses his Owl-Gun in Dell Comics' The Owl #1.

September 1967

Dr. Mid-Nite uses his Cyrotuber in "Crisis Between Earth 1 and Earth 2" (Justice League of America #47).

The Ga-Ga Gun (or its equivalent) was quite simply an idea whose time clearly had come.  But has it gone?  I have never seen repeated uses of such a device.  

I must agree with the assessment that Dr. Mid-Nite's blackout bombs were a threadworn device, even in the '60s.  I find Dr. Mid-Nite more interesting when the character's uniqueness in being a brilliant physician is relied upon narratively more than his uniqueness as a (daytime) blind person.  Giving him a a wider variety of weapons based on his knowledge of this weaknesses of the human body seems like it would keep the character much more interesting in a contemporary context.

The New History of the DCU

Having just read the second and third issues of The New History of the DCU, I want to share my thoughts on this masterpiece of synoptic lore-spinning.  It is a tremendous, unenviable undertaking with impressive results, even if I don't agree with each decision made in the process.

I am delighted that the creators choose to represent the original Teen Titans with one of their most absurd adventures, where they fought giant disembodied body parts.

Well, that caption box packs a wallop. By describing Wonder Woman as a "born of clay and endowed with godly powers" in strongly rejects her new-ish "secret origin" as the daughter of Zeus in favor of her traditional origin.  But PERHAPS it is simply that Barry doesn't KNOW the secret origin?  That's my hope since I like Wonder Woman more as a demigod than as a Galatea.  It also embraces the concept (first offered by John Byrne, I believe) that there was a Wonder Woman in WWII, but that it was Diana's mother, Hippolyta.  I guess I'm not the only fan who wants to have his cake and eat it, too.

Bulletproof cape?  An understandable, if strained, attempt to soften the idea of letting a kid run into battle with gun-toting gangsters... as if he would ever actually get the chance to use the cape, WHICH FLOWS BEHIND HIM, to protect himself.

My feelings about Cyborg remain unchanged, by the way.

More cake having/eating.  This telling keeps Cyborg in the JLA's new initial adventure fighting Darkseid, but cleverly puts him in suspended animation afterwards,  keeping him out of the formal formation of the League with the Martian Manhunter after the battle against the Apellaxians and making him still young enough to be a Titan.  That is an impressive bit of legerdemain, accomplished with only one phrase.

Yes. I Ching and his contempt-filled relationship with pantsuit Diana Prince remains in continuity.  

Thank you for reasserting that Guy Gardner was a gym teacher. In Baltimore, by the way, which I suppose is where the ability to overcome great fear comes from.

I REALLY think we all could have done without Kobra, of which no one is fond and upon whom no significant continuity hinges.

Really? I had thought this was gone from continuity, as it certainly seems as though in current continuity Arthur and Mera just has their first child.  I would have to read more carefully, but perhaps this is something that DID happen, but then Unhappened due to Crisis, meaning Barry could still write about it knowingly, even though it has no longer happened.

Ambush Bug, who to my knowledge has zero fans (if he ever did) and zero importance to lore, REALLY should have just been left out of history.

ART FAIL.

I do not know who the lip-obsessed artist for this comic was.  But I DO know that the Phantom Stranger is not The Phantom and does NOT wear a mask.  His eye are simply shadowed by his hat. AND his eyes are not actually blank; they just APPEAR that way when he wears the hat, because he's the Phantom Stranger and doesn't have to make sense.

"Legends" was an under-remembered but great crossover (the one in which the Phantom Stranger keeps smack-talking Darkseid and Glorious Godfrey turns the common folk against superheroes).  I am glad to see it remembered here as well as its connection to the JLI.

I am touched to see this remembrance of a young Paul Kupperberg's X-men-like version of the Doom Patrol, including tentative hero Scott Fischer, who no one remembers was the first fatal victim of the Dominators' Gene Bomb, and Arani ("Celsius"), who claimed to be Niles Caulder's wife, and who sacrificed herself silently in battle when he returned and denied ever knowing her, which was one of the saddest and most mysterious plot resolutions I have ever seen.

Look, I know Barry Allen is a scientist, not a humanist, by trade. But I refuse to believe that Barry could write a sentence as clumsy as "Would that such deep tragedy limited itself to the stars, but no."  He's read too many comic books to write that poorly.

Wow. I'd almost forgotten The Ray.  So... where is he now?

I had forgotten that the Eradicator was the one who saved Superman.  It make sense; the Eradicator was focused on preserving Kryptonian stuff (including Kal-El). But I certainly didn't remember it.

Heh. "Slowly healed."  This is tacit acknowledgement that we can all forget about Bruce's love interest Shonda Kinsolving and her magical healing touch (which is what ACTUALLY happened).  I really think they just should have thrown  Wonder Woman's Purple Healing Ray into the mix; what are super friends for, after all?

Happy to see Static, of course, but... when are they going to take advantage of the opportunity to link him to Black Lightning?

Why are we not allowed to erase this? Other than complicating Lex's backstory (and making some powerful real-world allusions), it has zero impact on continuity and causes considerable headaches.  Like, does the Secret Service still protect ex-prez Lex?

Well, whatever else, Jean Loring is still crazy!