Mystery Analysts: Central City

Our final hero for whom to develop a set of Mystery Analysts is Flash.  Flash, of course, is, in real life, a POLICE FORENSIC SCIENTIST, so his need for back-up in solving mysteries is non-urgent. But, you'd think, with everyone he knows it would be easy to find some people.

That and the fact that there are 27 billion people in Central City to choose from.

Ralph Dibny

Boy, I really hate to include Ralph Dibny. I hate to even MENTION Ralph Dibny

Gotta admit: THIS version was ...
easy to look at.

But the character was a literal detective, deeply associated with Barry, and is currently not doing anything (except being dead, I believe).

This is how I always like to remember him. When I do remember him. Which I don't like to do, ever.

ONE condition, though: no stretching. I think Ralph Dibny could be an okay character; it's the World Famous Elongated Man who is annoying.

David Singh

Most of the Mystery Analysts franchises have at least once Law Enforcement Authority among them and David Singh is pretty much the only one we know related to the Flash.  I would say something about how dangerous it would be for Barry to have his BOSS among his Mystery Analysts but:

1.  It seems to be a convention of comic books that heroes' coworkers never recognize them in costume (even if those coworkers are Mystery Analysts):

2.  At least on the Flash TV show (where Singh was actually more prominent than in comics), it was revealed that, duh, of course David Singh knew Barry Allen was the Flash.

Darwin Elias

Work with me here. Darwin Elias was a famous applied scientist who helped Flash expand and refine his use of his powers as well as inventing fantastic tech to improve Central City.  Then he turned out to be evil. 

But single, so that's a plus.

He appeared in many issues but you don't remember him because he was completely overwritten in popular consciousness by, of course, Harrison Wells from the Flash TV show, who has the exact same description.

And is MUCH more memorable.

Since no one remembers Darwin Elias, just bring him back and drop the "turns out to be evil" part.  Obviously, he's not a detective in the traditional sense, but as a cutting edge scientist, he's certainly about solving mysteries (which in the Flash's case often have a scientific angle).

Dr. Desmond Powell

If you remember that name or face, I'm impressed. He was a one-shot character on the 1990s Flash show, a retired vigilante codenamed "Nightshade".

Sort of a combination Sandman/Dr. Mid-Nite

As such, he would certainly count as a detective. His background as a Central City masked vigilante who predated the Flash's arrival is interesting, his medical knowledge is a useful angle, and the character is certainly free to be used without stepping on anyone's cherished continuity.

Mason Trollbridge

Mason was (for a while) part of Wally West's supporting cast, a colorful character with an unusual backstory. He'd been the kid sidekick of a vigilante called the Clipper, from whom he picked up a lot of crime-solving and weapon-handling know-how.  He essentially served Wally as a Solo Mystery Analyst, so revitalizing him for the Central City franchise is a natural reach.

He was also JUST SLIGHTLY possibly-crazy, which you'd pretty much have to be to think you can help the Flash.

Detective Jared Morillo

I haven't seen an F.B.I. agent get less deference since Juju Watson.

A hard-edged Central City detective who was a big part of the Central City cast during the "Cicada" era, Jared Morillo could be re-introduced as a CCPD detective or one who shift into private investigator.  In either case, Morillo would be the classic shoe-leather detective, in contrast to more science-y members of the Mystery Analysts of Central City.

Heroclix Sunday: Central City Sidewalk

This Heroclix Sunday we go back to Central City to visit our friend Barry Allen.  The CCPD map was especially for the CW version of Barry, but this map is made with the Silver Age Flash in mind.  

The one who trained simian track teams.  And, yes, they are holding hands. 
Barry is secure in his humanity.

It COULD be in any DCU fictionopolis but there are a few touches that mark it as especially Central-City-esque.  

First, it features THE three places that all Flash Rogues rob from: An Art Gallery, A Bank, and A Jewelry Store.

Sometimes more than one.

Note that, unlike, say, Gotham City or Apex City, where everything has a name (and in the case of Apex, an address), in Central City the Bank and Jewelry Store and Art Gallery do not have names. The only thing that gets named in Central City are toy companies and tailor shops.

Central City takes its toys very seriously.

Second, it has Central City's trademark absurdly broad sidewalks. I would say "impossibly", but I live in Washington DC where the sidewalks actually look like that.

Social distancing is pretty easy in DC.

Third, if you look carefully you'll see that the vendor at the south of the map is a CCJitters stand.  Because of course it is.  

It's really amazing how much happens at a place that only appeared in comics once.

Remember when Iris used to WORK there?  Good times.

Heroclix Sunday: CCPD HQ

Astonishingly, Heroclix is still going strong 19 years later (despite every single change, evolution, or improvement to the game being trumpeted by Gabriels of doom as "the end of Heroclix").  And there are lots of new rule and power changes that, frankly, were overdue and make it much easier to play (and which, of course, are being trumpeted as "the end of Heroclix", but aren't).

Making maps for the game (as alternatives to the officials ones, which are often not to my liking) is one of my hobbies, and I'd like to share one of my latest efforts:  Central City Police Headquarters (as seen on the CW show "The Flash").

The real one is 2ftx3ft.

The structure of the actual set on the CW show is hard to capture; properly the Squad Room (in the center) would be UNDER Barry's lab.  But 2D Heroclix maps aren't really designed for that, so on this map it's just walled terrain in front of Barry's Lab, which is up on the upper floor, accessed through the same sets of stairs we see on the show.

Ever wonder why CCPD has a two-story lobby that's NOT on the ground floor (as proven by the elevators)? Never quite figured that one out myself.  Central City likes it's grand Art Deco flair, I suppose.  Set designers love elevators because, unlike doors, they don't require having another set BEHIND them.

Most of the decor is standard but there are two bespoke elements: the CCPD logo used on the show and, at the very bottom, the bas relief wall hanging of JUSTICE that's on the show.

You know, this one, that the villains are always standing ironically in front of when they attack the Detective Division.

For obvious reasons, I start Team Flash figures at the north end of the map at the windows of Barry's Lab (assuming there's no thunderstorm, of course), and the villains in the elevators (although I like to force them to move in front of the JUSTICE mural before they are allowed to attack, because presentation is important).

Manapul Plaza

Oh, it's been too long since I posted a new Heroclix map!

Batman, Superman, and Green Lantern have done very well in Heroclix.  Each has had own set, mini set, or some such.  As a result, there are many versions of them to play, plenty of allies to put on teams with them, and enough of their villains to give them a fair challenge.  

But Flash? Poor Flash.

Sure, there are plenty of versions of Flash (both Barry and that kid who used to be his sidekick who no longer exists and whose name escapes me).  But his foes?  Frankly... they suck.

By that, I mean, their Heroclix figures suck.  The Rogues themselves---well, I've never been their biggest fan.  Still, whatever their failings, they are one of the most famous Rogues Galleries in comic books.  And the Flash (both in comic books and Heroclix) deserves foes who can give him a run for his money.

Take the Weather Wizard.  He was the first of the Central City Rogues to be 'clixed', and was in the very first set of DC Heroclix some eleven years ago.  But as a result, his dials are so underpowered as to make him completely unusable.  Heck, at one point on one of his dials his Attack Value is 5 and his Defense Value is 11, which is about what you would expect from, say, a clix of Aunt May in the hospital on a respirator (and even then she'd probably have Willpower).  And yet, unlike many, many characters, the Weather Wizard has never been remade.

In such cases, Flash fans like me have had to resort to re-dialing the figure using a more modern, appropriate dial from some other figure.  For the Weather Wizard, I made the obvious choice: I gave him a "Storm" dial from Marvel Heroclix.  Here's the custom character card I made to go with it:

Mirror Master's not as bad as Weather Wizard, but he's still bad enough to warrant a re-dialing.  I actually made two different versions of Mirror Master, one based on the Dr Manhattan/Silk Specter duo from the Watchmen set and another on the Mysterio (whose illusory/fake copies of himself are very similar to Mirror Master mirror duplicates).

Sadly, some original Rogues, like the Trickster and the Pied Piper, don't even have their own clix figures at all!  It's criminal, and I'm hoping that Wizkids, the makers of Heroclix, will find some slots in upcoming sets to correct such injustices.  

When they do, I've taken the liberty to create some Flash-oriented maps to play them on.  I have posted here before my Flash Museum map and my Central City Police Forensics Lab.  But I've missing the most characteristic venue for Flash battles: a large empty plaza of the kind that seems to be the principle constituent element of Central City urban design.  In fact, I've long suspected that LeCorbusier was actually a Central City escapee, come to our world through of the myriad extradimensional portals that pop up in Flash stories all the time.  Because no person from a normal world could possibly have his viewpoint on urban design.

Now to make an accurate Central City -style plaza,  you'd have to double the size of normal Heroclix map and put on it, well, nothing at all, because Central Plazas are always utterly featureless except for vast expanses of unpeopled sidewalk.

That, however, would make for a boring Heroclix game.  So I created a plaza map (below) with a few features like pools and a statue (of the Flash, of course), and some street commerce.  I call it "Manapul Plaza":

The yellow and red is in case you forget who the map is for, by the time Wizkids makes some decent Rogue clix for Flash to fight.

Weather Week: Central City

You know, when you're comparing things in the realm of comic books, it can be very difficult to determine what's "most unrealistic."  Flying, invulnerability, heat vision; yes, those are rather inconsistent with our understandings of physics and biology.  But that idea that one of the world's richest and handsomest men would spend his nights dressed as a bat and beating up muggers in alley is psychologically unrealistic.  It all depends on your point of comparison.

Since this is Weather Week at the Absorbascon, our point of comparison is meteorology.   Weather-wise, Batman's Gotham City and Green Lantern's Coast City seem quite realistic given their generally understood locations.  Superman's Metropolis is much less realistic, thanks to a pretty substantial winter-deficit.

But unquestionably the prize for Most Unrealistic Weather goes to Flash's Central City.

Of course; it's always Central City, isn't it?  While Gotham and Metropolis are certainly odd in tone (Gargolyes! Bizarre transformations!), they seem functionally, structurally normal (for east coast cities).  But the incomprehensible geography of midwestern metro-nightmare-plex Central City is legendary; the impossibly tall buildings that are always impossibly far away on the horizon leaving nothing but gigantic empty plazas, mile-wide sidewalks, and uncrossably broad streets.  While Gotham City and Metropolis are normal cities dressed up in dramatic and odd costumes, Central City is completely otherworldly,  defying all the principles of space-time, architecture, and urban design.

And meteorology.  For quite some time, Central City has been consistently portrayed as a midwestern city.... WITH AN ALMOST TOTAL ABSENCE OF FALL OR WINTER.  It is always spring or summer in Central City.

It's one thing for Coast City to have no fall or winter; it's on the California Coast, so that's not unusual. But Central City is in the midwest, where there's winter; lots of it, in fact.  That Central City should be sprawling is at least consistent with what the midwest is like; that it should have no winter is completely unrealistic.

There is a reason, of course;  as always, reality bends itself to accommodate the Flash.  Central City has ridiculous geography for only one reason: it makes a better stage for displays of superspeed. Comics are a still-frame medium; there is no sense of 'time' other than the one we bring to it.  In a temporal medium (like a movie), you would show superspeed by reducing the time it takes for Flash to do something.  In comics, however, that's hard to convey, so the easiest way to 'shrink time' is
to  e x p a n d  s p a c e ; hence, the bizarrely expansive geography of Central City.

Similarly, that's why Central City (a midwestern city which should by all rights have BIG winters) has no winter.  Because in comics, the thing most synonymous with winter is SNOW.  And what's the main problem with snow?  IT SLOWS YOU DOWN.  Yep; you can't run in snow.  Snow would be a major problem in a Flash comic; so, Central City has no snow and the closest thing Central City has to Fall and Winter are the occasion attacks by Weather Wizard and Captain Cold.

Fictionopolis Skylines #2

The second in a series. This is, as I hope you will recognize, Metropolis and Central City.




If anyone thinks, by the way, that I am exaggerating the Central City skyline: you're wrong. That skyline is directly copied from a Carmine Infantino-drawn Flash story.

You'll notice that I am using similar styles, colors, and effects across the series to help them tie in together. I think this will improved the effect when the entire triptych is hung.

My Summer Vacation in Central City

I spent my summer vacation in Central City.

As longtime readers know, the ridiculous layout of Central City is one of our pet obsessions here at the Absorbascon.

Central City, fabled in song and story. The streets and plazas are absurdly broad and unoccupied, and always attended by a background of impossibly tall buildings that remain along the horizon, no matter where you are in the city.

In past posts, I have hypothesized several reasons for this, including the artist's possible unfamiliarity with the midwest (or perhaps with the east coast? or, just, you know, buildings?), the simple need for an appropriate venue for displaying the Flash's speed, or a sheer dimensional perversity intrinsic to Central City that affects anyone's attempts to draw it in our reality.

Little did I know the truth; it's because there is a real life Central City and it's almost exactly like this. And I just spent a week there.

Last week, I was away at the annual international barbershop chorus competition, doing, well... this with 100 of my closest friends:

You can't see me in this pic; but trust me, I look fabulous in Cobalt Blue.


I roomed, as usual, with my wingman, Cobra Misfit, pictured below...

It's surprisingly hard to catch a cab when you stand this way.


Now, we weren't expecting a lot from Kansas City. It's not exactly the first place that pops into your mind when you think "international chorus contest", or, for that matter, "international" anything. Misfit explained on his blog how our eyes were opened to the Glory of Kansas City much better than I ever could.

This is a giant wind turbine/sculpture that generates electricity in the middle of a random giant plaza. Why? Because it's Kansas City/Central City, that's why. Or it has something to do with the Weather Wizard. Or the Tornado Tyrant. Or the Top.


It has been said that Central City/Keystone in the post-Crisis era are, essentially, Kansas City Missouri and Kansas City Kansas. I never believed it. Now, having been to Kansas City MO, there is nothing I believe more firmly.

In Kansas City, if you want to catch a flick at your typical mall multiplex, you're out of luck. If, however, you're looking for the kind of theater that makes you want to shoot Martha Wayne for her pearls, Kansas City is the place for you.

It's the kind of city where a questionable looking manufactury in an inappropriately fabulous building (like say, the Hanna Rubber Company) is directly across from the Drum Room, home of weekly swing dances, on the same street where, for no apparent reason at all, the Solar System dwells, in miniature.


From now on, I will always think of Uranus as adjacent to the Kansas City Mexican Consulate.


For all it's bizarre fabulousness, Kansas City -- just like it's Earth-1 counterpart, Central City -- seems to be utterly devoid of people. Really. Misfit, C.C. the Man of a Thousand Talents, me, and the Cobalt Blue Gang were there for a week, and yet...

The arrival of these three people doubled the population of Kansas City.


...other than wait-staff and the two half-hearted beggars who were obviously hired by the Chamber of Commerce just to give the city an urban feel, we saw no indigenous citizens. Zero. Move to Kansas City today; the real estate market's wide open.

In Kansas City...this is what a park bench looks like.

Being our version of Central City, Kansas City has a near infinite amount of real estate. Here for example is an unused building that would make a perfect evil lair for even the most discerning supervillain.

Oh, here's a little place that will freeze your soul. A convention center topped with four Gigantic Death Spires that surely shoot out rays of pure power, or control the weather, or radiate mind-control signals, or vibrate in such a way so as to keep the city out of sync with the rest of our world. In Kansas City, this is treated as perfectly normal.




Here I am wearing a child's-sized tee shirt (for political reasons) with C.C., the Man of a Thousand Talents, standing in an absurdly large and unoccupied plaza, beside a fountain that stretches to the horizon. Welcome to Central City. I half-expected Captain Cold to appear out of nowhere and freeze the fountain so that C.C. couldn't run through it at super-speed.

Gee, overly broad, flat streets and public spaces with a flat skyline of tall buildings along the horizon. Remind you of any place?

Ladies and gentlemen, Kansas City IS Central City. If you don't believe me, go there yourself and tell me what you think.

P.S. "Blue Valley", the town where Wally West grew up? It's a neighborhood in Kansas City.

DCU Travel Posters

There's no bigger fan of the fictionpolises of the DCU than the Absorbascon. They are such a unique part of DC's world, I've always wondered why DC didn't put out more memorabilia and "souvenirs" from the cities their heroes call home. I used to wear my "Central City Track" shirt running for years, but no one ever caught on... Postercards, posters, mugs, maps-- heck, I'd rather have those around my house the some crap from, say, Jacksonville.

For example, remember those delightfully streamlined and powerful travel posters of the past? Artist Justin Van Genderen has done some amazing posters in that style for Gotham City and Metropolis. You deserve to buy them today.

I only wish I could convince Justin to do the same with my other favorite DC cities, like:

Coast City, the City Without Fear

Apex City, America's Madhouse

Fawcett, the City That Time Forgot

Star City, the City So Screwed Up that Green Arrow is the Best They Can Do

Opal City, the Gem of the Bay

and of course

Central City, Largest City in the Universe and Home of the Flash.

Foreign travel posters would be great, too! Think of all the special locales that could be posterized, such as Bialya, Qurac, Kandahq, Oolong Island, Themyscira, Santa Prisca, Markovia, Parador, and--- okay, maybe most of those places aren't really vacation spots. But it would still be great to have some city posters!

Maybe your purchases and letters can convince Mr Van Genderen to make us some more DCU travel posters. Meanwhile, while I'm no artist, here's what I hacked together today on Photoshop:

Why, that would make me want to dash out of Keystone across the river for a long and fast-paced weekend!

Oh, and before anyone criticizes me for exaggerating the skyline of Central City...

that's actually TRACED from a Flash story.

The Size of Central City

The squaring of the circle?
Perpetual motion?
Retooling the Republican Party?

I scoff at these minor puzzles.

For I have achieved a working estimate of...

THE SIZE OF CENTRAL CITY.

One picture. One picture out of the zillions of pictures of the ridiculous geography of Central City has made this estimate possible. Here it is:

Note that Central City has no apparent rivers or roads transiting it. There is no escape from Central City, unless you can achieve escape velocity, like Flash.

Flash states that he's traveling at just outside a hundred mile radius from the center of the city (in fact, the point where Gorilla Grodd is standing-- but that's not important right now). Now, the perspective makes things a little tricky (in Central City, perspective is always a problem). But with a little measuring, I estimate that Central City is roughly a square whose diameter is 37.5 miles.

That would make Central City about 1406.7 square miles.

Let's put that in perspective.

When you exclude consolidated city-counties (which are just plain cheating, and a different animal entirely), the U.S. city with the largest land area is Oklahoma City (no big shock there), with 607 square miles.

Central City is 2.3 times larger than Oklahoma City.

Kids; see if you can spot Central City!

Yes, that's the approximate size of Central City compared to the state of Kansas. Central City is the only city with a multi-story phone book.

So, how many people live in Central City? It's a toughie, but we'll guestimate it anyway. As mentioned, Central City is about 62 times larger than Manhattan. Let's start with that. Now, on the one hand, Central City seems to be full of nothing but ridiculously broad avenues, sidewalks and plazas (all the better to fight Rogues in). That would make it seem much less dense than Manhattan. BUT...

there don't seem to be ANY buildings in Central City under 20 stories, and most seem to be MUCH higher. Of course, on the other hand, every room in Central City is about four times larger than any room in a normal city. So, I'm going to call it a wash: let's assume Central City is as densely populated -- at least -- as Manhattan.

Manhattan's population is about 1.62 million. And Central City is 62 times larger than Manhattan. Ergo,

the estimated population of Central City is at least 100 million.

Central City has the equivalent of three Californias worth of citizens, or four Texases, or five New Yorks. No wonder Flash has trouble finding the Rogues!

Comparing Central City's population to country populations, Central City is just smaller than Mexico and just larger than the Phillipines. It's a good chunk heftier than Germany and Vietnam. And it's got France beat without breaking a sweat (not that that's particularly difficult).

Flash Rebirth

I've just read the most important superhero comic book in the last 20 years.

Obviously, I'm discussing Flash Rebirth.

Central City. Really, the opening panel is all I needed. The skyline is much too long. The buildings are too tall. The buildings are too thin. All their lights are always on. In other words, it's perfect and looks exactly like Central City should. Delightfully, this panel and the other panel of the unnamed river that separates Central City and Keystone perfectly depict the two cities. Keystone is short, industrial city with factories (as indicated by smokestacks) along the river. Central City is ... well, you know what Central City is like.

Not only is the look of Central City firmly re-established, but its character is being fleshed out. In Central City, people are in a hurry, pressed for time, all about speed; this make the Flash the perfect hero for them. It also reinforces that Barry Allen -- the slow, methodical police scientist-- is their perfect 'anti-hero'. And the death of the scrupulous lab cop in the opening scene reminds us of that.

The Opening Scene Narrator. Well. THAT wasn't exactly what I expected.... and I'm glad. This negative re-creation of Barry's origin was gory, dramatic, creepy, mysterious, and yet obviously deeply rooted in the character's history somehow. I know these characteristics are what some of you hate about Geoff Johns' work; but it's what I love about it. Geoff Johns is the anti-Morrison; with John's work you don't know what's going on until it's over, when all is revealed and it makes sense, whereas with Morrison's you think you know what's going on until it's over, when it's revealed that it didn't make any sense at all.

Who/what is that in the opening scene? After lots of thought, I've come to the conclusion that... I have no idea. And that I like it that way; I don't want to wrack my 12-level comic book brain to deduce everything that's going to happen in a story like this, I just want to enjoy the ride. Whatever it is: it doesn't revere Barry and his worldview; it dresses just like him; as a foe of haste, it represents the opposite point of Central City and the Flash. Smells like the new Reverse-Flash to me, folks.

Bart Allen. Many readers will surely complain that Bart's lack of respect for his grandfather is mischaracterization. I don't mean to dismiss those feelings; I myself almost fainted when Bart referred to him as "Barry" rather than "Grandpa". Make no mistake; yes, it is a very dramatic change in the way Bart is portrayed. But, after a bit of thought, I don't think of it as "mischaracterization" but as "re-characterization". Bart's essential characterization hasn't been changed (like it was when they grew him up and made him grim 'n' gritty; that was mischaracterization). Only his attitude toward one character has been adjusted.

Shocking though it was at first, I'm okay with it for two reasons. One; it makes more sense. Bart never really knew his grandfather; heck, he never really knew his parents. Bart's father figure was Max Mercury, and I think Geoff Johns implies that Bart resents the fact that Barry came back and Max didn't. Add to that the fact that Barry's return has completely overshadowed Bart's and seems like a "demotion" of Wally, and Bart's current lack of respect for Barry makes a lot more sense than his former veneration of him.

Two, the viewpoint he now embodies is a necessary one. Quite obviously, Bart now represents 'the doubters' among the readership. Barry isn't "his Flash"; he doesn't really know Barry; he doesn't understand why people revere him and are so willing to "put aside" Wally, who's been the only Flash he's ever known. This gives the writer to "prove" to the reader that the return of Barry Allen is a good thing, rather than just positing it as a unquestioned fact. And, really, there's no other Flash character who could be given this sceptical viewpoint.

Iris Allen. Well, naturally, I'm not ever going to be happy until Iris is portrayed as the vicious ball-buster she's traditionally been, with Barry Allen being the only man perfect enough to meet her high standards. But the main thing that Johns has done with her in issue 1 is clever: like Bart, her attitude is the opposite of her traditional portrayal. It may have escaped you, because lots of younger readers don't really know Iris from the Silver Age. Iris was a pushy, nosy, in your face reporter, as we are reminded by the frames articles on her wall. To have her first words be "I'm not asking any questions" is a virtual slap in the face to wake up the reader and say, "Oh, but there are LOTS of questions that need asked, and soon". But even more confounding to my than Iris's ostriching, even more mysterious than the visitor to the crime lab is ... the dog. WTF? In Iris's house?! It's not Bart's former dog, Ivan; did Joan bring it with her? I can't imagine the Garrick's having that kind of dog. My theory is that the dog is, in fact, Iris's, but that it's stuffed and that she bought it that way. The only other possibility is that it's not hers, it's there recuperating because does neutering free as her hobby; who better?

Hal Jordan. The relationship portrayed here between Hal and Barry is all note-perfect, so I don't have a lot to say here. There are a couple of nice "comic book irony" points Johns' makes that I want to re-emphasize. For one, other than Bart and the Rogues, the only person who's not thrilled that Barry is back and accepting it unquestioningly is ... Barry himself. It's a nice irony and a clever hook for those who are still sceptical of his return; Barry, it turns out, is one of you. Also, Barry Allen and Hal Jordan are often thought of as contrasting characters (which, yes, they are, and their differences still shine in their scene together). But reminding us of their common like as policeman (terrestrial and extra-terrestrial) is a useful irony. My favorite irony is this scene is the "catching up" reference. Johns shows that world now operates at a much faster pace than it did when Barry was introduced, that speed is now more important than ever. This is the ingenious irony... The common wisdom for a decades had been "Barry Allen is dated character, his time is over, he's a symbol of the past." Johns is saying, "Barry Allen was ahead of his time, his time isn't over, his time has only now finally arrived." And, really, who could symolize modern crimefighting in the information age better than a police scientist with superspeed?

But most important, Johns has re-established the essential irony of the character. Most great characters have an essential irony. Bruce Wayne, the gazillionaire who fights muggers in alleys. Superman, the passive office schlub who can shove planets around. Wonder Woman, the ass-kicking warrior of peace and sisterhood. Hal Jordan, with a ring that can do whatever you imagine on the hand of a rock-headed moron. Barry Allen's essential irony used to be that, even though he was the fastest man alive, he had a reputation for being slow, lazy, and always late. Johns has re-established that irony with a new twist: Barry Allen, the one person who you'd think of as having all the time in the world, feels he has no time for anything, is terrified of being late, and can't afford to slow down. Suddenly, a modern person can identify with Barry Allen more than ever before; no matter how fast you are nowadays, there still never seems to be enough time.

Johns takes pains to build this essential irony into a new backstory for Barry, which naturally involves a gruesome childhood tragedy. Now, I'm sure a lot of you are rolling your eyes, and Pantha's head, over Geoff Johns' brutalization of your childhood (and Barry Allen's). And I will admit that it's all a bit familiar. One of the first things Johns did in retooling Hal Jordan's origin was to give him a Tragic Death of Parent Before Child's Eyes story as a mechanism for explaining why they character is how they are. Now he's doing it with Barry Allen (and what a story it is).

No, it's not the most original origin of all time. But it's classic, and unlike many modern writers, Geoff Johns doesn't try to pretend that he's smarter than the writers who created the likes of Batman, Superman, and Dr. Fate using just such origins.

Central City, the Musical

"Central City" is sung to the tune of "Oklahoma"... 

Great big place!

Great big place, gonna take up space! Gonna give you towers, turrets and skyscrapers, sidewalk fer the battle, villains to pull capers! Towers on the prairie where the Flash bugs Zoom, Plen'y of air and plen'y of room, Plen'y of room to string a dope! Plen'y of depth and plen'y of scope.

Central City, where the Flash comes sweepin' down the lane And gorillas greet on every street When the wind comes right behind the rain.

Central City, Ev'ry month Kid Flash is gonna try 

Some how to talk to some man-hawk,

fightin' giant insects in the sky. 

The town we belong to is grand And you know that we long to expand! And when we say "Yeeow! Hey, Scipio is gay!" 

We're only sayin' You're mighty large, Central City! Central City, I'll say! 

Central City, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain And a wavin' arm can sure do harm When the wind comes right behind the rain. Central City, 

ev'ry month its citizens and I 

Stand on a sidewalk 

and point and gawk

at the fallin' airplanes in the sky. We know that our streets can't be spanned And our city's too large to be scanned! And when we say Yeeow! Agoraphobi-ay! 

We're only sayin' 

You're really large, Central City! Central City, I'll say. 

 We know we've consumed the Heartland because all of our growth is unplanned! And when we say Yeeow! Ain't Vandal Savage fey?! We're only sayin' You're growin' large, Central City! Central City I'll say, Hell - of- an - M. -S.- A. Central City! Yeeow!