Slices- The Movie

Slices- The Movie is a series of five separate films that all come together in the end. A man with what seems like insomnia is plopped on the couch watching late night TV titled Theatre of the Macabre with a peculiar horror host named Professor Lucious Phibes. He introduces us to the first film on the menu called The Exterminator. Here a nasty executive gets his just deserts when he is kidnapped and tortured in the veins of films like Hostel or Saw.

The next film on Professor Lucious’ list is Dead Letters and in it a very popular author named Ash can’t seem get over his ex wife who has passed away. He is pining at her grave when his agent Tyler comes and tells him he needs to move on and get his ass back to writing best selling novels. Tyler also thinks he can get him a pretty nice book deal. When he comes to Ash’s house for dinner, really sees how hung up the old man really is!

My favorite one outta the bunch was the next called Night Screams. Here two couples head out to what they think will be a sex filled party type of situation until there is a knock on the door and Sandra shows up to sink her teeth into the situation. The Range had the whole western 1880’s theme with three Confederate soldiers on the run from the law. After they meet up with skin ripping zombies they’ll wish they just nested up behind those jail cell bars!

The final show on Professor Phibes list is The Turn Out where a guy and his girl are led out to this romantic spot by a friend so he can drop on one knee and ask the love of his life to marry him. So when they get there the friend wanders off to give the two lovebirds some privacy. Well too bad they didn’t notice the old dirty man lurking in the woods. Now he has the couple in his grips, will they manage to escape or will that wedding never come to be?

RetarDEAD- out on DVD June 2nd!

RetarDEAD is the follow up to the cult classic movie Monsturd from 4321 films. I didn’t have the pleasure of viewing that one but now I am definitely interested. Here at Butte County Institute of Special Education things are about to get shook up a little bit and everyday routine will be a thing of the past. When you see these sorry excuses for people you just think to yourself, “I know your mommy always told you that you were special but she lied!”

Evil Doctor Stern who created the poop man from the last film is now working on another demented side project that involves injecting the Special Ed students with Algernon 9, it’s a project that will make these feeble minded beings into a freakin genius or hyper intelligent. The only problem is there are some serious side effects like brain swelling, cardiac arrest, tumors, cannibilism- they become zombies!

So now Butte County has the locked up zombies escape and people are becoming infected everywhere and the police are trying to stop the madness. To make matters even worse there is a pervert on the loose you know a real weenie wager who they are calling the masturbator since that is exactly what he is doing while spying on people. Can they catch this perp and stop the zombies as well?

RetarDEAD is not a serious movie at all, you will not be scared by it but you might bust your gut laughing at it! Heidi Martinuzzi from www.pretty-scary.net makes as cameo as the cowgirl zombie while my boss at www.thechainsawmafia.com Shannon Lark is a living dead girl. It was fun to sit and watch this and see the girls and the movie will certainly become another classic in the horror community!

3 outta 5 slashes!

Children of the Grave

An experiment gone wrong turns two medical workers and their test subject into flesh eating zombies that escape the building to go wreak havoc in the beautiful country side. A group of teens head out to a graveyard to hang out and party. What should of been a day filled with sex, drugs and rock and roll turns into one messy blood fest. These zombies are starved and ready to tear into limbs and brains! If you can’t read you will have to just guess at what they are saying because it is a Russian film. The subtitles didn’t bother me a bit and all of the blood makes up for it trust me.

No sooner does the gang get there does these zombies show up and fuck up their plans. Luckily the little shack they are in is fully stocked with all kinds of things that could and can kick a zombies ass. Will anyone make it out of here without becoming some zombie’s sandwhich? What starts as three soon multiplys to many when the spilled blood of the living dead seeps into the ground and animates the dead people in the graves. All these kids need to remember is the golden rule of aim for the brain! Children of the Grave is a fun watch and goes out of it’s way to shed some serious redness!

3 outta 5 slashes