This story begins with another story. Several months ago, I read an interview with Lana Del Ray regarding her stance on feminism.
“For me, the issue of feminism is just not an interesting concept,” she says. “I’m more interested in, you know, SpaceX and Tesla, what’s going to happen with our intergalactic possibilities. Whenever people bring up feminism, I’m like, god. I’m just not really that interested.”
While this enraged me (as I hope it does you, but let's be honest - not everyone is "that interested" in the civil rights of other human beings), I have spent months coming in and out of why this argument bothers me. It's not just that she flippantly enjoys success because of the women who have come before her, women who had to fight tooth and nail to be taken seriously in a male-dominated industry, women pushing the boundaries of what's acceptable and polite, women with real talent that opened the ears of everyone to accept other women as talent. It's not just because she said no to feminism by way of claiming interest in Elon Musk's contributions to society - one of my own passions - thereby polarizing those two interests.
It is the very backs of women that Lana has climbed upon to get where she is today. But that's not my point. After this silly quote was posted to the inter-webs by a silly girl, she got eviscerated by feminists. And let's face it, women judging other women for their choices is pretty anti-antithetical to the feminist ideal.
But it continues to raise a question for me. Can women "opt out" of feminism as if it were a college course or an after-school club? Do we expect too much from famous people like artist and athletes? After all, it's not usually their high moral code or praise-worthy civic duties that have made them famous.
Lana "joins the ranks of Shailene Woodley, Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift, all who have recently rejected the feminist label because they “love men,” or “don’t think of things as guys versus girls.” Source here.
That's not feminism at all to me! In fact, many of the most hard-core feminists I know are men. But let's work on my definition, shall we?
One of my favorite British ladies, Caitlin Moran defines feminism with two questions. 1. Do you have a vagina? 2. Do you care who is in charge of it and what happens to it? Congrats! If you answered yes to either, you are a feminist.
So why all the resistance to feminism? On a personal level, the people I love often fight back on my "feminist" posts, somehow excusing or challenging the continued, blatant sexism that still exists. That may be part of the problem, maybe it's just blatant to those of us looking for it. Perhaps in these times, the real danger of sexism is its insidious, hidden, subversive nature. I resisted the label for a long time, but that was mainly due to ignorance and fear of image.
Perhaps we as a society are too inundated with causes and tragedies and cries for help that we can shrug our shoulders and go back to what really interests us.
I recently connected with an old friend and we started talking about gay marriage. She doesn't know any gay people, and she mentioned that she would probably care more if she did. I love this friend, she is smart and fiercely passionate about many causes. I nodded at the time, but later got to thinking - does that mean I can opt out of caring about causes like endangered species? Because I don't know any owls, I shouldn't care about preserving them? It doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
But then again, if someone brings up male circumcision one more time, I'm like STFU. So that must be what Lana felt when someone asked her about feminism. How many fucks can a person give, really? Especially when you are too busy contemplating how to perpetuate the desperate female trope and writing lyrics pleading with abusive men not to abandon you.
"Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)"
Whitman
crm
It's a bit late, I realize. However, I feel obliged to my record-keeping self to evaluate last year's resolutions and present this year's.
2012 Resolutions:
Of the 10 items listed above, I can proudly claim 3 as complete. This is a stark drop from the 2011 Resolutions, of which I completed 11/17. I am unsure why I didn't write "Gestate" on the goals, or perhaps something I knew would be a momentous achievement, you know something like PUSH A BABY THROUGH MY VAGINA! Oh well. Sometimes we can be unfair to ourselves, setting life up to fail. This year, I promise to be more realistic. I have learned a good lesson about lists as it is, being a new mom. They have to be more flexible and I have to let it go. That being said, I still receive a disgusting amount of peace and happiness from arranging my to-dos on paper.
COMPLETE:
I did see Radiohead (which, let's be honest, does this count as a resolution? I already had the tickets when I made this list. Too easy, crm. Too easy.).
I did plant a few flowers this spring, a sweet little window box adorned the kitchen for a time.
I did visit CA family more than I had done the year before.
MEDIUM COMPLETE:
For several months early in the year (the expected duration of most resolutions), I was reading and writing letters on Sunday Morning. Some proof even exists.
FAIL COMPLETE:
I completely forgot to practice meditation.
I most certainly did not live with less (since pregnancy requires new clothing)
Not only did I not save 3-months of our salaries, I failed to retain a job.
No breakfast nook.
I don't even know where my copy of "TBK" lives.
The chair is Joel's project.
I feel no sense of failure. In fact, I find these items quite amusing.
But enough of that. Onward! Out with the old! In with the new! Champagne!
I am quite pleased with these goals. I feel they are kinder to myself and certainly more realistic.
-Drink 32oz of water before morning coffee/tea:
I have noticed that my problematic neck becomes even more painful with coffee and booze. This can often be counteracted if I drink water beforehand. I want to make it a more permanent practice. In fact, as I write this, my mason jar of water sits contentedly empty as I sip my coffee.
-Protect sacred morning quiet:
From the star, I think you'll see the obvious prioritization of this item. Since Bowie is her most calm and happy in the mornings, she can entertain herself somewhat quietly while she watches mom journal. (Incidentally, this also fulfills one of my recent observations that Bowie is going to get her picture of what a mom/wife does by watching me. It want this picture to contain images of soul-work in addition to chores. I've therefore made a concerted effort to have her observe me journaling, reading, listening to Rachmaninoff etc, as well as doing the dishes, making dinner, folding laundry, etc). Any-who, I have found that protecting even just 30 min of quiet first thing greatly eases my anxiety throughout the rest of the day. I don't check my email or my phone or computer. I either journal or read or meditate, and I resist the strong urge to fuss about the house tidying.
-Get back to yoga:
I went to yoga classes all throughout the pregnancy, and I really miss it now. I need to prioritize my class, and it's extremely difficult with our schedules. Maybe I can also work it in at home.
-No screens in bed:
I recently read an article about sleep, and apparently in order to assist restorative sleep, the human eye needs to not look at a screen for 1-hour prior. We always get into bed and screen ourselves, where once I used to simply read a book. I will try to get back to this practice.
-Personal education:
This is a response to feeling the emptiness of mental stimulation as I stay home with Bowie. I have organized a self-directed study in Women's Studies which I am extremely excited about. My Christian education didn't really prepare me for this - as you may or may not know, 'feminism' is a dirty dirty word in that realm. I'm extremely ready to deconstruct this. (I may have used the word extremely a few times here. Note emphasis),
In the last two years, I've also become fascinated by science and the cosmos. In this fascination, I have also discovered a shameful gap in my knowledge. I am therefore desirous to do another self-directed (by Joel) course in the cosmos. This will happen initially by viewing 'Cosmos' by Carl Sagan, as well as continuing to read this very fascinating book. I am sure this beginning will lead me to other scientists and research projects.
Be resolute, my fellow sojourners.
crm
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