i suppose that if you are the kind of person that finds wallowing to be among the 7-deadly sins, than perhaps you would advise that i surround myself with positivism, adjust my negative attitude, pull myself up by the bootstraps and just make myself feel better, damn it.

but at what cost? if these "moooods" are so continually battled, what part of myself is being severed? all of this simply so i can go about my day and feel better, feel productive, feel useful? i agree that to feel better, productive, and useful are important emotions, but are they much more important than to feel worse, unproductive, and unused? why do we persuade ourselves out of moods? it's NEVER made sense to me. "i am going to now talk myself out of feeling angry at my husband because it is not acceptable nor helpful to our relationship, plus it will freak the kids out." speaking from a somewhat narcissist perspective (in that only 1 person is really overly affected by my moodiness, and i don't have to deal with hiding myself for a more appropriate time so my kids feel more secure), i realize that not every single emotion needs full reign when it presents, but i also think there is something truly cauterizing about simply deciding that how we feel is unacceptable and doing any and everything to just get out of that mood.


it's been one of those weeks where peeling hard boiled eggs turns into the most frustrating task OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE. where you slice one piece of coconut cake and two seconds later it promptly falls onto the carpet (with tiny pieces of coconut everywhere). you then pick it up to throw away and miss the garbage can. it mocks you in a big splat on the kitchen floor. you reach for a paper towel, and in your frustration manage to pull the entire roll of paper towels from its rack.

also, did i mention? you have ABSOLUTELY.NOTHING.TO.WEAR. and you are the fatest person alive?

these things are temporal.
how i realize this.