A Tale of a Scarlet Letter...

[Dear hearts, be thankful that you don't live in the Third Galaxy -- a tale like I am about to tell could never happen in our saner and happier world:]

The Quadrennial Horse Race was taking the final turn and the contestants were getting ready for the home stretch.

A sweet young thing she was -- a twenty year old coed working as a volunteer for the Mad Cain campaign. On her way out to her car in the dark she was accosted by a black man who took offense at the "Mad Cain for Prez" bumper sticker and brutalized her!

The dark monster beat her up, forced her to the ground and, although he didn't rape her like one would normally expect a black man to do to a young white woman he had in his power, this beast did something really nasty, saying that he was "Gonna teach ya a lesson, bitch!" He carved the letter "B" on her face with a sharp instrument.

"That 'B' stands for 'Bulimo', bitch!" was his parting comment to the poor girl. That wasn't quite what she told the police, but it was pretty much what the local Mad Cain campaign manager told the newspaper and media reporters who gobbled the story up.

Unfortunately, the police noticed that the Scarlet Letter was carved in mirror image. Since they figured that a black man wouldn't be able to figure out how to carve a letter while looking in a mirror, they politely asked the young lady if she had not done it herself. She quickly admitted that indeed she had made the story up from out of thin air.

This was the comment of an anonymous blogger in the Third Galaxy:

This incident ought to go into the you-can't-make-shit-like-this up category. And yet, something here disturbs my paranoia...

First of all, I assume the thought has crossed minds that Joe the Plumber and the lady who said Bulimo Charisma was a Masher terraist at Mad Cain campaign event were some kind of plants.

Joe the Plumber was a media flash in the pan who complained that Bulimo's tax plan would mean that he wouldn't be to buy a plumbing business and make a quarter million dollars. Unfortunately, it turned out that Joe was not a plumber, had never been licensed as a plumber and, in fact, had never been apprenticed to learning the trade. Furthermore he was in little danger of ever making a quarter million since the company he couldn't legally buy and run anyway only had receipts of a quarter million, that is before, expenses and wages to workers.

I find myself momentarily thinking that there is something more fishy here then the Tale of the Scarlet Letter being false.

I remember the three who were busted for plotting to whack Bulimo at the convention and then were released. I am aware of several other stories and can only assume there are others who have managed to stay below the radar.

Actually, it were better if these were plots and conspiracies -- what is far more likely is that these "loose cannons", are only acting out what racist campaign memes inspire them to do.

I must have eaten too much pumpkin pie yesterday, but I can't shake the feeling that something really ugly is going to happen somewhere down the line.

A Two Forked Creature...

Since it is so dirty, it is difficult to make it clear what the nature of  the Mad Cain and Repugnant campaign has become.  

The campaign has shed its skin and turned into a two forked creature of lies, slime and deception -- that it occurs now, two weeks before the final lap of the Quadrennial Horse Races is no accident.  The media and its bobble heads will not call foul until after November, if ever.

The first fork is, with ads and robo-calls, to call forth and nuture the meme that Bulimo is a terraist, an arab, a muslim Masher, a baby killer -- even a socialist.  These are dog whistles to remind the right kind of people that he is one of them -- a dark one, a black, a nigra.

The second fork is, through intimidation, caging and purging of voter registrations, challenges at polling places and obstacles at pricincts where many of the wrong kind of people can be expected to vote.  

Part of the second fork is the campaign against ACORN -- which in itself is also two pronged.  ACORN is smeared with charges of vast amounts of voter fraud (actually, vote registration fraud -- but vote fraud stinks better).   These charges have little basis in fact. No more factual basis than four and two years ago when the same tactics were used in a more diffuse manner against the Dumbrat party and US Attorneys fired for not engaging in what they saw as politically motivated charges of vote fraud. 

At the same time, ACORN in particular and poor urban (read: black, hispanic, lazy, shiftless) people are being made responsible for the collapse of the housing bubble(s) and the Great Collapse -- i.e. the suffering and losses of hard working real citizens is because of them.  

To tie it all together, ACORN is made out to be somehow a tool of the fiendish Bulimo Charisma.

I kid you not, if he survives to the inaguration, a meme that he is the One, the Beast of the Apocolypse and every failure (and success!) of the Bulimo administration will be proof of the truth of the lie.

From a Small Acorn...

One of the reasons Bulimo Charisma is going to win the final lap of the Quadrennial Horse Races is because of an excellent and well coordinated campaign -- which, by the way, is an indication that, assuming a Bulimo administration is allowed to assume power, it will also be an excellent and well run administration.

This contrasts strongly with the Mad Cain campaign which, although in many ways well coordinated, instead of "excellent", deserves  the adjectives "dirty", "smear", "untruthful" and even "dangerous"

One the reasons that the Bulimo campaign gives us a glimmer of hope is that it has energized the young people and people who haven't been voting.  The reason that people haven't been voting is a political apathy in the USA which is startling in a western democracy -- a democracy which fancies itself as being an example and light to the world.

There are a number of reasons for this apathy which might be better termed political paralysis.  One of the main ones has always been difficulty, in fact obstacles in getting registered to vote and then actually casting a ballot.  Now there is nothing wrong in itself that citizens need to actually need to make an effort to vote.  However, there is a long tradition of keeping people from voting or having their votes counted when those people are of an ethnic, income or racial group likely to vote for the "wrong" party.

The classic example is of course the Dumbrats in the southern USA where poll taxes, literacy tests, registration fees and "good old boys" hanging around the courthouse were all intended and did keep those we now call black but then were known as "nigras". 

However, in today's USA it is the Repugnant party which has updated, modernized voter suppression and out right fraud in order to put a heavy thumb on the scales which they could not otherwise win.  Some of these methods are high tech things such as programmed computer "glitches" in electronic voting machines transferring votes to the "correct" party's candidate.  "Caging" of voters can also be high-tech in that computer models are used to select people to be struck from the voting rolls who are of the wrong income, ethnic or racial group.

Other methods can be much more crude but none the less effective for that.  The most effective is probably the smear campaign based on half truths.

An example, is ACORN (Association of Community Organization for Reform Now).   This is an umbrella organization with many activities among the poor and economically oppressed and, as to be expected, has received a lot of flack from Repugnant organizations and media pundits.  The focus this year has been upon their efforts to register voters who have difficulty it getting to register -- the poor and the elderly.  Why do the poor and elderly have difficulty?  The poor and elderly are more dependent on public transportation then others.  Public transportation the USA generally sucks.  

Another group that has difficulty are invalids, such as those in the Veteran hospitals and people from ACORN seeking to register invalid war veterans have been refused entry to the hospitals.  

But that is a small thing.  The law says that private organizations collecting registration forms must deliver all forms to the registration committees.  This is of course a great idea -- otherwise, they could throw out all forms that registered for the "wrong" party.  

What ACORN does do is triage the forms -- they divide then into three piles.  One pile is labeled as being okay as far as they know.  A second pile is labeled as doubtful. The third pile is labeled as being suspicious, that is probably incorrect or even specious.

However, what Repugnant organizations are doing is taking the third pile (which ACORN must, by law deliver) finding a lot of incorrect application forms and calling "voter fraud" -- and their media pundits scream it from radio and television.

This is a most effective smear campaign and has the effect (intended) to bring the results of the (s)elections in November in doubt.  They figure they are going to lose are already gearing up to attack a coming Bulimo administration.

Into this mixture is an element of hate which already exceeds the vitriol poured on the two Flintstone administrations.  

The bottom line is that Bulimo, whatever else I might think of his politics is a very brave man to wade into this maelstrom

A Debate is a Debate is not a Debate

Here in the Happy Little Kingdom, it started. live at 3 AM and the only reason I saw anything was because, being 67, I had to get up to pee at about a half hour into the debate.  True, it can hardly be called a debate -- a debate is what Lincoln and Douglas did.  

They talked a half hour at a time, people listened and the next day people all over the country actually read what they had said in the newspapers.  Furthermore, the two actually talked about what they meant about the issues they were discussing.  Lincoln lost the election to the Senate, but the recognition he recieved nationally led to his becoming president a couple of years later.

Today, the necessary first thing to being (s)elected Senator, is at least $6 million and one or two million for a House member.  Debates are carried on by advertisements and 15-30 second slots on TV.  What is called a "debate" today between presidential candidates is little more than a session where two fighting cocks bash and slash each other with sound bites...

Anyway, I had made myself a cup of hot milk to drink so that I could better go back to sleep.  As I was drinking it, I turned on the TV and the first thing I saw was Bulimo promoting what would amount to preemptive military strikes in Pakistan.  It is enough to make a fellow barf seeing him apparently embrace the  basic tenet of the "Bush Doctrine"  which (are you listening Sarah?) means we, in our arrogance, have the right to commit whatever shit we want anywhere because we are God's Own Chosen People and the Last Best Hope of Mankind...  

But then Bulimo said something closer to what one might call intelligent.  He said that we had supported a dictator in Pakistan, Musharraf, for years and given him billions of tax payer dollars. 

MadCain, without looking at his opponent, responded in a manner consistent with the macho prick that he is -- cold, condescending and arrogant he then stated that Bulimo apparently had not understood (how could a freshman senator understand anything!) that "Pakistan was failed state then" -- the understanding being that "failed states" need a good dictator, if they can get one, especially if he happens to be our dictator.  Figuring that barfing in the middle of the night would not help me go back to sleep, I turned of the TV and went back to bed...

The fact is, dear hearts, that Pakistan was not a failed state when Mushareff took power -- that is complete bullshit!

Even now it is not a failed state.  True, we may help to kick it over the edge in the not too distant future -- if that happens, then you will really see fun and games.  The point is, though, that MadCain not only does not grasp the facts, he really doesn't care.  Neither does he care about the troops or the Arrogant people -- all that he cares about is his driving ambition to become prez of the United State of Arrogance.

Spewing Sputtering Spit

*Update below*

Having the good fortune to live in the Happy Little Kingdom, I am only exposed to (mercifully few) sound bites and clips from the opening of the final laps to the Quadrennial Horse Races -- that is the week long parties known as the National Conventions...

But even then, in an unguarded moment I can hear something that makes me spew sputtering phlegm and spit over my poor radio.

Yesterday, it was the words of the Codpiece Himself -- he said that Mad Kane was a man who would rather lose an election if it meant winning a war and that therefore he was the man who is qualified to become the next Commander in Chief [sic !!!]

Dear hearts, how many times must we write on the blackboard, "We the People do not have a Commander in Chief!" We have a President, a chief executive and civilian, one of whose functions is to be top honcho over the military. The Founding Fathers who crafted our Ground Law were, rightly, afraid of the threat a military could be to a republic -- therefore, they made certain that the military would be under civilian control.

But what do we have today? Soldiers are now called "warriors". Sears is offering a line of clothing which locks like real military garb -- and is approved my the Army! A sheriff in South Carolina buys a tank with a 50 caliber belt-fed machine gun mounted on it and says he figures it will "save lives".

At the Repugnant Convention, protesters, journalists and even civil rights lawyers are proactively arrested by police waving machine guns. A group of two dozen protesters daring to cross a street are met with a dozen concussion grenades... [explosions 2 minutes in...] *update below*

Meanwhile, the VP candidate, with a terrible record of authoritarian abuse of power, hard rock creationist, with ties to extreme right wacko groups gets a pass and the media concentrates on her private life as if she was a Bill Flintstone with a shame cave...

I'm sorry, but it seems to me that the Lady of Light and Liberty is morphing even faster than I thought into a Madam who rides a Fat Car...

_________
First of all, these were likely a form of "flash and bang" stun grenades. The concussion grenade is a bit more serious piece of work. CTuttle at Main and Central wrote me that it resembles the M84 stun grenade -- a hand thrown device and not the lobbed bombs sent against the small crowd pf protesting citizens.

However, the stun grenade is not a toy -- the explosion reaches 170db and the smoke, though "harmless" is quite noxious -- a brief description of the M84 with, of course, my stress:

The M84 non-lethal stun grenade is a non-lethal, low hazard, non-shrapnel producing explosive device intended to confuse, disorient or momentarily
distract potential threat personnel. The device produces a temporary
incapacitation to threat personnel or innocent by standers. This device will be used by military personnel in hostage rescue situations and in the capture of criminals, terrorists or other adversaries. It provides commanders a non-lethal capability to increase the flexibility in the application of force during
military operations.

Palin(syn)drom

It's almost like the finals in the Quadrennial Horse Races is starting to sound and smell like some composite of the National Enquirer and day old poop from Peyton Place.

First, Mad Kane names a complete unknown (on the national scene) to be his running (and soul) mate. No sooner is she presented before the sharks begin to circle (and there was a lot of chum in the water). The fact is that the media being the beast that it is, if there is not a print ready surmise of whom a political person is, that is to say prepared food, the beast awakens and says "feed me!"

The first thing that happened is that somebody noticed that Gov. Palin had birthed a baby boy a few months ago. Then it was noticed that at the time Palin announced she was seven months pregnant, people were surprised. At the same time her daughter was out of sight for 5 months because of mononucleosis. Also, it was noticed that in the official pictures, the only one with an obviously large tummy was her daughter. People, being the nasty little critters that they are began to wonder what the real story was.

According to the official story, Gov Palin was in Texas when her water broke, but she waited 8 hours to give a political speech before flying home to Alaska on a commercial airplane. Bypassing a nearby hospital, got to her own hospital where the baby boy was delivered. Anyone with acquaintance with pregnancies and deliveries would wonder how a 46 year old woman who already birthed 4 babies could wait at least ½ a day from when her water broke and labor contractions began to fly back from Texas after a speech to get to her hospital in Alaska. The wonder is how could it could be done without the baby being born along the way as it is well known that deliveries tend to come quicker after the first couple of times. The mother returned to her official duties only three days later, which is not remarkable in itself but should be noted.

It's kind of disgusting that something maybe even below the level of the National Enquirer, sort of Peyton Place sicko is taking so much public attention when there so many other serious stories like the heavy handed proactive harassment and arrests of demonstrators, news people and even lawyers in St. Paul before the Repugnant Convention. But I suppose that is the way it goes in a country where a loose pasty and an exposed nipple trumps other news...

Mad Kane Comes Out of the Closet...

Geeze, all the time I thought Senator Mad Kane was running for President of the United State of Arrogance, it turns out he really wasn't.

In a speach he gave on Memorial Day, he revealed that he is actually running for "Commander in Chief". I quote:

"I am running for the office of commander in chief. That is the highest privilege in this country, and it imposes the greatest responsibilities..."

This is complete and utter bullshit, which almost but not quite surprises me coming even from Mad Kane. Commander in Chief is not an office! It is one of the duties of our civilian president to be commander of the military -- the Founding Fathers were leary of the power of the military. They were also leary of the power of an executive president -- therefore they entrusted the power to declare war to the Congress...

Yet, one frequently hears people of right wing confusion refer to the president as "my commander in chief". That is scary shit which especially accelerated from the very beginning of the reign of the Codpiece.

Commander in Chief, by the way is a good translation of the latin "imperator", which we usually read as "emperor"

One last piece of not exactly trivia:

Memorial Day
is not actually a day to pray for U.S. troops who died in action but rather a
day set aside by Congress to pray for peace. The 1950 Joint Resolution of
Congress which created Memorial Day says: "Requesting the President to issue a
proclamation designating May 30, Memorial Day, as a day for a Nation-wide prayer
for peace." (64 Stat.158). [my emphasis]

Quadrennial Horse Races, Final Heats...

Meanwhile, in the Happy Little Kingdom, as I peek out the window over the Big Puddle towards the United State of Arrogance, I wonder -- are they going bonkers over there? Is it something they put in the water or, more likely, the soda-pop?

The purported purpose of the Quadrennial Horse Races is to end up with someone who can take upon themselves the burden of being for at least four years the most powerful person on our poor world.

As it now stands, Mad Kane has long been basking in the glory of being the candidate of the Repugnant Party -- we have only to wait until the Autumn when he will be annointed by the spewing of approbations by all the major poobahs of the Repugnant Party, each of them trying to outdo the others in saying ridiculous inanities about why a fellow who, at certain phases of the Moon rabidly froths at the mouth would make a cool Prez..

As for the Dumbrats, the show still goes on between the front-runner, Bulimo Charisma and Pillory Flintstone.

In Arrogance, they have a most peculiar custom of televised debates between politicians seeking voter support for the same office. Well, it's not debates in themselves -- many countries have televised debates -- no, it's the manner it which the debates unfold and in particular the kind of questions asked.

I won't go into the details, as to recollect too much of these shows is liable to induce nausea in all but the most strong stomached.

However, can you possibly imagine why, national television, a candidate is asked why they don't wear a flag pin on their lapel? Can you understand the importance of asking a candidate why they laugh so much?

Indeed, can you imagine a commentator in a sane society exclaiming, as a candidate scratches his cheek with his middle finger, "Why, he's throwing a bird to the sound technicians!!!"

Ah, yes, I understand -- I mean, I understand that I have entirely misunderstood what these seances are all about!

The purpose is not find a person suited to assume the most powerful office in the world. The purpose is to find someone who can fill the cod of the Codpiece and become the next incarnation of the Supreme Hole. Mad Kane is, hands splayed, the candidate who best fits the bill. True, both Bulimo and Pillory have said they might bomb Youran, but Mad Kane is the one we can be confident will not only remain in Wudda-Wreck until it is as flat as a billiard table, but will also bomb Youran into submission -- or dust, which ever comes first...

Therefore, I predict that, by hook or crook, by preemptive strikes or by conveniently timed terra attacks -- Mad Kane will be, in not elected, at least selected as the next Prez of the United State of Arrogance. For only he can fearlessly lead us into yet more ill-advised wars and military adventures.

Of course, I do hope I'm completely wrong!

On Horse Races and "Uppity" Chiggers

Well folks, since I've gotten over at least some of my disgust, I guess it's time to get back to the Quadrennial Horse Races.

The "Horse Races" are something quite peculiar to the Third Galaxy -- we have nothing like it in our more happy and saner world. Believe it or not, these contests are how the citizens of the Unified State of Arrogance "choose" among the approved aspirants as who will actually be allowed to run as candidate for, respectively, the Dumbrat and the Repugnant parties for the office of Prez of Arrogance.

Against all odds, at least the odds the television bobble heads gave, it now seems that Bulimo Charisma will soon lock in the candidacy for the Dumbrats. However, as our hero from "Blazing Saddles" leaves Pillory Flintstone in the Texas dust, what was even then obvious is now showing its ugly face. As we know, the Repugnant smear machine and echo chamber is in the grasp of a visceral hate for both Pillory and her husband, Bill "Big Dawg" Flintstone.

As Pillory's chances for grabbing the brass ring now seem to fade, Bulimo will attract the hatred double up as sure as a golf player, alone on the thirteenth green, holding his solid steel golf clubs over his head during a thunderstorm will attract lightning.

Bulimo's wife had the misfortune to say something honest the other day, which is something to be avoided in Arrogant politics. She said that for the first time in her adult life she was really proud of her country. What she meant, of course, is that, for the first time in a long time, people -- especially young people -- were taking an interest in the Horse Races, as if they felt they could really "make a difference".

She shouldn't have said that. In Arrogant politics, one must always be "Proud of Arrogance" -- it is a corollary to the other Pillar of Truth, "Supporting the Troops". It matters not what "the troops" are doing in the name of Arrogance -- killing a million civilians in Wudda-Wreck or three million peasants during the War to Save the Dominoes mean nothing. What matters is "Supporting the Troops".

In fact, "Supporting the Troops" is so important that criticism of the fact that the "troops" have been sent into action with second, even third rate body armor and transport is defeatism amounting to de-facto treason!

Therefore, you will understand why the great bobble-head pundit and television media monster, Bill "Faloofa" O'Really jumped all over Bulimo's wife saying, that he would, "Lead the lynch mob" if it proved true that she had in fact had said what she had, in fact, said.

In our happier and, relatively, saner world, the casual observer might not understand why anyone would take offense at such a humorous jibe.

You see, for more than a century, lynching was the ultimate tool in "keeping the chiggers down". "Chiggers" refers the descendants of black slaves. When they were freed as a consequence of the Civil War, the blacks became economic competitors to the poor white class of farmers. The ruling elites used this fact to sow mistrust and enmity between the whites and the blacks and this keep them both down.

When times were bad, for example when the price of cotton fell, lynching increased.

But what is a lynching?

Basically, a mob grabs somebody and hangs them -- but that is only the headline. When "chiggers" were lynched, there were all sorts of beastly foreplay -- flaying, eyes gouged with corkscrews, genitalia cut off and the victim having them stuffed in his mouth, nothing was too outrageous to suffer upon an "uppity chigger".

The point, is that lynching is not a parlor game and not something to joke about.

If I can find it in the footnotes to the Absolute Truth, I will next post some observations that Ichabod Rain made about growing up in Poosah City.

As We Wait for Super Tuesday...

Edwards (and Kucinich) brought something rare to the selection process -- a certain amount of honesty. So in a backass way it's kind of cool they drop out now -- honesty and cogent attention to the important issues is simply too confusing.

Have you ever considered that something like 2% of the population with the help of the media, big monied interests and eminences in the two parties determine who we get to choose between for the position of Prez, the person who will be invested more power than ten times ten caesars? That we have had a campaign going on this long and we still have four candidates although the two of them seem to be more annointed than the others -- that is shocking, I tell you, shocking!

Because otherwise it is quite understandable why the Codpiece has been so hip on "spreading democracy and freedom".

Very much on the other hand -- it is wonderful to note that the number of people voting in these primaries, especially the young, has been, by American standards, quite large. I recall the Leonard Cohen line, "Democracy is coming...it's coming to America first, the home of the best and the worst..."

Ah, maybe this Super Tuesday will turn everything on its head -- yeah, I know, fat chance of that, but I can dream, can’t I?

Continuing the Horse Races...

There are those who say that it is an affront to refer to the Holy Primary Elections in the Unified State of Arrogance as a series of horse races -- all we can say is, "What color is the rock have they been sleeping under?"

Indeed, a good sports writer could come up with a better script than the pundits have puked on their listeners up to now in the Quadrennial Horse Races. True, the sports writer will do his/her best to drum up interest for this or that team, but in their wildest [wet] dream no sports writer would think that her/his reporting could have any measure of influence on the result of a horse race or other sports event.

However, in the heat earlier this week in Midge-again, this is exactly the sort of bullshit we saw. Midge Gromney trounced Mad Kane -- but what can you expect in a district which many thought was named after Gromney?

More disgusting was the effluvia the media sprouted over the "win" Pillory Flintstone had in Midge-again. Because of a flap in the national party headquarters of the Dumbrats, the delegates from Midge-again (and Floriduh) will not be allowed to participate in the great "Hoorah!" at the Hoorah-vention next summer.-- therefore, the only hopeful on the Dumbrat ballot was Pillory Flintstone. Even with the advantage of such an outrageous handicap, Pillory got only 55% of the votes -- this is a "victory"?

But now we move on to South Caroline. The heat here will only be between the Repugnant hopefuls -- the Dumbrat balloting will be next weekend.

Horni Fug'n'flee is hoping for a win here -- this is the last ballot where independents can vote and if Mad Kane does not win, or at the very least come in a close second, his chances of favor from the Big Money Boyz will surely fade.

Oddly enough, but hardly by chance, it was in South Caroline that Mad Kane was screwed eight years ago. His opponent tarred him with a smear that he had fathered a "black love child" -- the "fact" was that he and his wife had adopted an orphan who happened to have a darker complexion than normal in the dominant ethnic group in the Unified State of Arrogance. But such is the way of smear -- just the talk of shit makes a person smell bad!

This time, the smear is more subtle.

People who have no provable connection to the Fug'n'flee campaign are putting out what is called a "push poll". A "push poll" is a refinement of the old trick question, "When did you stop beating your wife?" In this case, people are called up and asked, "Would you vote for Mad Kane if you knew that: he eats his boogers; drowns kittens in his bathtub; uses cow dung as an underarm deodorant..."

On the other hand, some of the things that Fug'n'flee himself says would be prime stuff for a "push poll":

"I have opponents in this race who do not want to change the Ground Law...But I believe it's a lot easier to change the Ground Law than it would be to change the word of the living Potato. And that's what we need to do...amend the Ground Lawso it's in the Potato's standards rather than try to change the Potato's standards so it lines up with some contemporary view."

Anomalies in the Horse Races...

The second heat of the Quadrennial Horse Races in New Hamhock turned out differently than the pundit bobble heads said/decided it would/should.

Pillory "won" while both Bulimo and Forewards "lost" and the bobble heads wondered "how did this happen?". Why hadn't the voting public listened to their superiors in knowledge and understanding of things political, the teevee Chattering Class? Hadn't they understood or even gotten the message that when Pillory cried on television she had destroyed her political career?

Indeed, the voters seem to have "gotten" the message that the pundits were a rabble of raving misogynists pilling on in a verbal gang-bang on Pillory simply she was a woman showing emotion.

That said, it is a bit odd to say that Pillory "won" New Hamhock. First of all, she got 39 to Bulimo's 36%, which is but a 3% spread. Secondly, delegates in New Hamhock are selected in proportion to the candidates share of the votes cast -- that means that, together, Bulimo and Forewards (17%) got more delegates to the Hoorah-vention than Pillory.

The same can be said for the much ballyhooed "victory" of Mad Kane over Midge Groaney -- the spread in percentage of the Repugnant votes cast was really not all that much of a landslide.

Speaking of the percentage of votes received, an anomaly has been noticed, which for some reason, very few have been speaking of. This in itself is a bit odd since anomalies seem to be occurring with more and more frequency in Arrogant elections -- especially those elections which might "tip the scales" or "change things".

The anomaly in the New Hamhock voting appears when the number of hand counted paper votes are compared with optically scanned and touch screen votes. For every one in the second heat held in New Hamhock the percentage difference between hand and electronic counts was almost nil, less than 1%.

That is except for Pillory and Bulimo! Pillory received 5% more "electric" votes while Bulimo got left with 3% less -- which is less than the official spread between the two.

In a normal world, this, an election plagued by anomalies of this sort would have triggered some degree of recount. But the Third Galaxy is not a normal world and the Unified State of Arrogance is not a normal democracy. In fact it has been the policy of the Repugnants these past seven years to make big noises about people voting fraudulently. Legislation has been enacted making it quite difficult for the poor and elderly who might be expected to vote for the Dumbrats to register and later on actually vote. In fact, there shown to be very little fraud of this sort. However, prosecuting attorneys who refused to bring cases to court that were obviously little more than harassment were either fired by the Codpiece administration or forced to retire.

Obviously, if there is any problem it is with the electronic vote talleys -- especially the equipment which leaves no paper trail.

Quadrennial Horse Races, Second Heat

The second heat in the Quadrennial Horse Races where one hopeful from the Dumbrat and Repugnant party will eventually be selected to run for Prez later this year started not long ago...

As you know, in the first heat Bulimo Charismo stomped Pillory Flintstone while Hug Fug'n'flee blew all the other Repugnants out of the water.

The media pundit bobble heads have been desperately trying to figure out where they went wrong in all their predictions as well as somehow spin a message that they really weren't all that wrong -- just premature...

In the meantime, the message is being prepared and honed to bring Bulimo down if he is so uppity as to actually win the Dumbrat nomination -- but first, they have to get Pillory out of the running. In an ordinary horse race, commentators cannot influence the outcome -- they can only gin up the excitement. Not so in the Quadrennial Horse Races!

In earlier horse races, hopefuls have been laughed out of their race for office for strange "missteps". Because they "screamed into the microphone" after the first heat, or because their suits were "earth toned", or because their patriotism was suspect because they had only lost two legs and an arm in the "War to Save the World from the Dominoes".

But hardly anything can compare to the way in which Pillory Flintstone has been trashed by the bobble heads. If she is calm, she is "rigid!"; if she giggles or gets angry, she is "hysterical!"; if she wears a dress, the question is "did she show too much feminine cleavage?"; if she wears a suit with pants, "what message is she trying to send?"

Conventional Wisdom, i.e., the babble of media pundits, says that if Pillory loses to Bulimo in today's heat in New Hamhock, she will have "lost too much momentum". On the one hand, I think we should forget all the hype and wait and see how the votes are cast. On the other hand, these two races are taking place in two of the smallest districts in the Unified State of Arrogance which, all told, total less than 5% of the total population.

If Pillory's attempt to win the Brass Ring does fail, you will see the Repugnant Smear and Echo Machines go into high gear and we will be treated to a most disgusting orgy of mudslinging, innuendo, lies and whisper campaigns aimed at Bulimo Charismo.

True, we should have said more about the Repugnant hopefuls -- the questions being, will Mad Kane outrun Midge Gromny, or will Midge's deep wallet save the day for him. On the other hand, Hug Fug'n'flee, who cannot be expected to do well in New Hamhock, will, on the other hand, have a better chance in Southern Charlene, where there are oodles of Peelers committed to removing the paragraphs in the Ground Law which separate religion and government. Their deepest wish is that the Unified State of Arrogance be ruled by the Book of the Holy Idaho and not silly "man-made" laws. For, as the Peelers say, people are too stoopid to govern themselves without the guidance of the Great Potato.

It may well end with the Peelers proving they are correct, sort of...

Quadrennial Horse Races -- First Heat

[A report straight from the Third Galaxy...]

Well, folks, they are off and running at the Quadrennial Horse Races here in the Third Galaxy! These are the entertaining contests which will eventually determine who can be selected as Prez of the Unified State of Arrogance later this year!

As you know, the Dumbrats and the Repugnants run separate, but not equal, races until a hopeful from each party wins the Brass Ring, that is enough points to have a lock in when they hold their Hoorah-ventions. The Hoorah-ventions are big meetings held in late summer where the Dumbrat and Repugnant delegates gather and the winner of their Brass Ring is announced as candidate and the "Next Prez of the Unified State of Arrogance!!!" -- then they all shout, "Hoorah!!!"

The first heat was won by two dark horses, Hug Fug'n'flee and Bulimo Charismo for, respectively, the Repugnants and the Dumbrats.

Bulimo, who is literally a dark horse, showed the charisma for which he is already famous when he thanked the people who had campaigned so hard to help him win this important first heat. Although he is able to speak coherently without a script and can pronounce words of three, four, even five syllables with out getting his tongue caught in his teeth, no one seems to hold this against him, just as no one holds his light chocolate complexion against him -- at least not in public. The people who heard him speak after it was certain that he had won the first heat by several lengths over his main opponents, Johnny Endwards and Pillory Flintstone were reminded of the oratory skill and the hope they felt when they heard John Kennedy and Martin King speak, that is before they were snuffed by "lone gunmen".

The Repugnant hopeful, Hug Fug'n'flee, is a dark horse of a different color, so to speak. The "Hugger" is not popular with the top people in the Repugnant Party and even less so with the Big Money Boyz. Their dislike is mainly grounded in the fear that they may not be able to "control" him. For years, the Rupugnants have curried the favor of the Religious Right -- that is the Peelers who believe that every thing that they believe is right and the country should be run and laws made according to their right beliefs. Many of them also believe in the Rupture and the End of the World. Therefore, they have little or no problem with the impending disasters because of climate change in the Third Galaxy -- or, for that matter, a war fought with nuclear weapons of mass immolation. Megadeath would be of picayune importance to them because, "The Holy Idaho will take us to the Great Colendar in the Sky!"

Finally, they were all pretty much in agreement that the Great Potato had Blessed Arrogance and given it a Mission to Bring the World to its Knees Before the Holy Idaho. If that required trashing the world killing most of its heathen inhabitantsthe people -- that was no problem.

The problem was that, although, these nut jobs vote for the Repugnants, the Repugnant main priority remains: tax breaks to the richest 0.1% -- the Big Money Boyz. This is where Hug Fug'n'flee has his edge! Not only is he a preacher man, he is for family values where a man and a woman have children and he is for the Book of the Holy Idaho being used in teaching science in the schools. On top of that he plays a pretty cool electric bass and has a firm, although nebulous grasp of foreign policy. This means he could play a mean riff on the bass when he sends bombers off to whomp some country he had just learned the name of -- heck, if they are against us and harbor terraists, what more does a fella need to know?

Besides him being a dark horse, there is another, darker side to the "Hugger" . When he was governor, he pardoned a serial rapist/killer who demonstrated the extent of his rehabilitation by raping and killing two more young women -- that we know of. Of course, everyone can make a mistake in character judgment now and then and we hope voters in later heats of the Quadrennial Horse Races will not hold this against him. However, the reason for the pardon was because the flaky right fringe of his constituency when he was governor were convinced that the rapist' conviction was a plot by Pillory Flintstone's husband, Bill "Big Dog" Flintstone when he had been governor of the same state some years earlier. These people had fantasies that the "Big Dog" was in league with the devil and ate little babies for breakfast along with his eggs and grits.

On the other hand, this sort of thing may be a positive for Mr. Fug'n'flee! The Religious Right who vote for him may feel that he will enforce their flaky ideas that the Book of the Idaho supersedes the Ground Law!

There are many more things that could be written about the hoopla there has been around this first and, in itself, minor first heat. But we have to get ready for the next round which takes place in New Hamhock in a few days.

Will Pillory beat Bulimo? Will Endwards beat them both?

As for the Repugnants, Fred Dumbson seems to have quit the race, which was the least dumb thing he has done this past year, if true. But that leaves Randy Jelliyoni -- has he really worn out his "I was there on Terrible Tuesday!" line? Only time will tell. This first heat left Midge Groany groaning, however, he swears he will come back with more money from his personal piggy bank. On the other hand, will Mad Kane take the lead, now that the Big Money Boyz have figured out that his "maverick" image is just a shtick and made him their favorite figure to shower money on? Again and again -- only time will tell!

Or will that darkest of darkest of dark horses, the Outsider Himself, Wrong Pawl continue to grow his grassroots while hiding his connections to the ugliest fascist elements hidden in the underbelly of Arrogance?

Only time will tell!

Midge Groany

To continue my attempt to describe something of how the last election for Prez of the Unified State of Arrogance unfolded, I have, of course, to tell you about the "primaries".

The "primaries" could be thought of as a sort of mud wrestling/slinging contest where Prez hopefuls from the Demrats and Repugnants whomped it out with others from their own party. The hopeful who showed that he/she was able to stoop lower deal the dirtiest blows to the others was usually the one who was chosen as candidate for her/his party in the final heat of this quadrennial horse race.

Lets look at the campaign of Midge Groany. Midge was an exception to the rule I wrote about earlier, i.e., that a person had little chance of being selected to any high office, let alone that of Prez, without the backing of people with big check books, a.k.a. "The Big Money Boyz". This meant that most hopefuls had to crawl on their knees before them. Midge though, had his very own fat wallet -- the naive observer might think that this rendered him immune to the whammy from "big money". However, if you ask how Groany got his fortune and hear he got it by "playing the game", that is ripping money out of the system just like everybody else, then you will understand that the Megacorps looked upon him with favorable eyes -- not only was he, so to speak, "one of the boyz", he was making his bid without costing them any thing. If he actually grabbed the brass ring and ran for Prez as the Repugnant candidate, there would be time enough then to invest in him and make sure, one way or another, that he was selected. That is why the Bankers of Illusion pretty much left him alone and did little to point out any let alone all of his many failings which made him a terrible choice as Prez. However, he would make an excellent Supreme Hole -- and that was the main consideration.

Still, Midge had two things against him, one was his (lack of) principles. The other was his religion. On the face of it, it's hard to understand that a lack of principles could be a problem, but the big boyz weren't sure of him on the matter of the Basic Principle of the Repugnant Party -- lowest taxes for those with the most money. The matter of religion was that he was a member of the Moron Church. The Morons believed that the world would soon end with the Return of the Holy Idaho to the Third Galaxy. For some reason, this was a big problem. The astute reader will point out that this sort of belief was common among the Peelers -- Rexona himself, for example, believed that the Great Potato had selected him to be Prez, when every one knew that it was the Supreme Court and not the Great Potato. Furthermore, Rexona believed that the Holy Idaho had told him to invade Wudda-wrek. The point is that a Moron like Midge was no crazier than a Peeler like Rexona.

The bottom line though was that many Peeler churches did not consider the Morons to be "real" Peelers and even with all his money, Midge had great difficulty in overcoming this handicap.

Processed Elections

When the election process is a meat grinder, democracy becomes liver sausage!

I will now attempt to explain something of how the election process in the Third Galaxy functioned in pratice. It may sound confusing and, even more probable, you will think I am kidding you. However, assuming that one can rely on the Absolute Truth, what I relate here is correct.

On the national plane, there were only two political parties of any significance in the Unified State of Arrogance: the Damnrats and the Repugnants. Why this was so is difficult to explain. In the end, however, this two party system proved to be more solidly entrenched than even the Ground Law itself!

Elections were held even after the Lady of Liberty and Light's mutation into Arrogance. In fact, "Assuring Free Elections!" was one of the given reasons for declaring the "Lasting State of Emergency" -- that, and "Protecting the Ground Law!". It's hard to have elections that are not soporific without at least two choices -- and these two parties, entwined in their love-hate embrace, were loyal and staunch defenders of the Arrogant Way of Life and the Arrogant Dream.

To understand something of how these two parties came to dominate the political scene in the first place, one needs to know something of what happened after the Civil War. In brief, this terrible conflict allowed a few to amass enormous fortunes. These fortunes allowed corporations to influence political decisions so that they could enrich themselves even more with little or no regard for natural resources or the putative rights of workers. Most important though, in the decade before the end of the century in which the Civil War took place, the corporations acquired some thing they desired, if possible, even more than profits -- status as "persons"!

Judicial person hood turned the corporations into what were essentially immortal beings. True, they could not vote -- but that mattered little. With their wealth, they could determine who could get elected and those whom they selected to be elected were thereafter more beholden to their corporate masters than those who had actually put their pinkies on the touch screens of the voting machines. In fact, the voters were mainly thought of as "sheeple" to be herded into the polling boxes once every four years. You could think of the process as a sort of sheep dip to keep the common public from becoming infected with strange ideas like wanting a "real democracy" with grassroots and voting machines with paper trails.

But how did it come to pass that money alone determined the "selectability" of a candidate for political office? In brief, mass media -- especially television. At the time of the rise of the Arrogant Nation, the average citizen spent on the average a quarter of their waking life in front of the glowing screens. Finally, they came to be incapable of comprehending a message that could not be contained in a five-, max thirty-second sound bite.

To pay for an ad on television cost a lot of money. As a general rule, the only people with that kind of cash were corporations, in particular the Megacorps -- and those to whom they choose to give it to. Of course, the picture was a bit more detailed than this -- but, in broad stokes, you couldn't get coverage without a lot of financial backing from somewhere. The exception of course was if you could get to be a guest on the show of one of the Bobble Head Pundits. However, these highly paid media whores, with annual salaries in the millions, were first beholden to their masters, the Bankers of Illusion, and they kept the message "clean" even if they had to browbeat, scream at their guests, or simply cut off their microphones.

If the Truth Be Told...

If elections are the litmus test of democracy, then there are no dictatorships!

In my researches into the fate of that poor world we know as the Third Galaxy, I have used that compendium of all that transpired just before and during the Terrible Times.

(I refer of course to that enormous volume called "The Absolute Truth, 21st Edition" whose pages are several kilometers from top to bottom.) It has gradually become clear to me that the Supreme Hole was probably a composite figure of all the assholes who ruled that unfortunate land as it mutated into a Unified State of Arrogance.

Indeed, the Supreme Hole was an institution more than a person -- in our own more fortunate, peaceful and most important sane world you could perhaps compare him to the "Imperator" of Rome (which means "Commander in Chief" in Latin!).

This perhaps explains why the title Ronald Rexona enjoyed most of all was "Codpiece in Chief". In any case, both he and those who followed were always referred to in Approved Media in terms that extolled their manly virtues, their smell of old leather, their broad shoulders, their ability to do whatever had to be done in the war against terra -- even if a few heads as well as laws had to be broken.

If the truth be told -- and it was eventually -- they were all a pack of wacko wolves with less than gangster morality. None of them ever did a lick of real, honest work. The only way any of them ever "Served their Country", the Lady of Liberty and Light, was to rip her off for everything they could get.

That is why it was not only disgusting but outright obscene when Ronald Rexona pranced about in one of his funny uniforms, saying things like, "The Holy Idaho gave Arrogance a 'Mission to Bring Democracy to the World!'" or, "It is the duty of all Arrogant citizens to 'Support the Troops!'".

At the moment I am trying to unravel the chronology of events up to and during the beginning of the Terrible Times. This is not only difficult, but confusing as well as time consuming as, besides the main text, I also have access to both the 2nd and 3rd level on-line footnotes!

The entity which first began transmitting to me information about the Third Galaxy these many years ago, the then unemployed angel, Manu el-Ishman, has proved to have been more reliable that I had first thought -- this became clear to me after it had received employment "somewhere at a secret location" and I was thereafter granted direct access to the Absolute Truth. However, it has slowly has become apparent to me that it often saw things in a more general manner and the images were often blended somewhat -- this could also have partly been my own fault, as I had no prior training or even experience in channeling.

That said, it is now clear that the most critical time in the Third Galaxy was during the final year of what was or at least should have been Ronald Rexona's second term as Prez. I have not yet been able to determine whether it was actually Rexona who declared the State of Emergency (when elections and civil liberties were suspended to Protect Freedom and Preserve the Constitution), or someone who followed him -- this is the sort of thing I was referring to when I wrote above that Ishman saw things in a more general manner and sometimes the images he transmitted to me were "blended".

Therefore, I will begin to give you some thumb nail sketches of the sort of people who aspired to be the Arrogant Prez. You will soon hear of such as Mad Kane, Randy Jelliyoni, Horni Fuginfly, Fred Dumbson and other charming people.