gratitude

There are moments where we pause to reflect on life and to take stock of how lucky we are.  Today is one of those days.

To my family -- Leo, Sebastian, and Lucia -- you are my everything.  Life is so much better with you.  The world is more beautiful, the sun shines brighter, music sounds better, and even food is more delicious when I'm sharing it with you.

To Leo -- I immediately fell in love with your mind and your heart.  Your sense of humor, commitment to equality and social justice, and our chemistry have been more than I ever could've hoped for in a partner. You challenge me, support me, and make me feel so incredibly loved. I cannot imagine life without my media naranja.

Seba and Lulu -- I am so proud of how smart, loving, funny, and absolutely amazing you each are.  I love raising you with your father and hope that you grow up to be curious, creative, and compassionate people. More than anything, I hope that every day, you love yourselves and dream bigger.  Seba, you are my beautiful, empathetic boy and I can't wait to see the wonderful man you will become.  Lucia, you are my gorgeous, spirited girl.  I know that you will make your mark on the world.

To the Astons -- I'm so grateful to have decades ahead of us to strengthen our ties and make memories as a family.

To my friends -- you have made this time so much richer and so much more rewarding than you'll ever know.  I am proud of the enduring ways our relationships have morphed and grown. I'm grateful for the wisdom you've shared and the arms you've extended to propel me as a person and pick me up when I've fallen down. You are my community and, in many ways, my family.  I love you all.

To my colleagues, classmates, teachers, and mentors -- you've made our life's work so much better. Thanks for laughter and hugs and for teaching me to think differently, to stretch myself, and to give back to others.

To my children's caregivers, especially Hortencia and Elda -- thank you for the love and care you've shown Seba and Lucia.  They are who they are in large part because you have treated them like your own children and given them room to be themselves.

To my doctors, nurses, and those who safeguard my physical and mental health -- thank you for keeping me healthy and being vigilant about all of the remarkable things that happen to my body.

ten years clean

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams — live the life you've imagined."
-Henry David Thoreau (July 12, 1817 – May 6, 1862; born David Henry Thoreau), American author, development critic, naturalist, transcendentalist, pacifist, tax resister and philosopher.

Ten years ago, surgeons carved my malignant right kidney out of my body. Having cancer was the Krakatoa of my life. It led to my then-husband and I getting divorced, and set me on a path of change that forced me to evaluate what else I wanted out of (and in) my life. Since then, I've lived in Paris, gotten a Master's degree, changed careers, met the love of my life, had two beautiful children with him, and started a new adventure on the East Coast.  Each change has built a life better than what I knew before and reminded me that no matter what I endure, nothing will be as terrifying -- or as amazing -- as beating cancer.

Thank you to my partner Leo, my friends, my family, and my doctors for helping me live the life I've imagined. I'm hoping the next ten are as meaningful, passionate, and joyful as these have been.

sweet dreams

"Sweet Deams" by Kirsten Lepore was named for a Special Jury Award at SXSW 2009.

The film follows the sugar-coated journey of a cupcake who longs to head out on the open sea. When he finally scrapes together the courage to set out, it isn’t long before he is marooned on a lone island. I won’t spoil the ending for you...

recharging my batteries

guadalupe canyon by comment dit-on

Leo and I spent the weekend camping in Guadalupe Canyon, Mexico with Ash, James, and Dana.

Getting there was half the fun. I couldn't believe it when we turned off the highway and saw a dry lake bed that had a few tire tracks on it and went as far as the eye could see. James headed out, avoiding the burnt-out abandoned cars, stacks of old tires, and bushes that came out of nowhere for 30 miles. (There are no paved roads and just a few random signs telling you how to get to the campsite. But all roads eventually do lead there.) Then, he managed to make it the last seven miles over boulders and sand without damaging the car or getting stuck.

Once at Guadalupe Canyon Hot Springs, we ate really good meat cooked over hot coals, we drank a lot, and we laughed. A lot. We sat and soaked in the mineral-water-filled hot tub in our campsite under more stars than I've ever seen.

Saturday, we hiked in the gorgeous sunshine and dipped our toes (some in our party dipped their entire bodies) in the ice-cold mountain springs and waterfalls. We braved the elements and helped James (outdoorsman extraordinaire and my camping hero for many reasons) repair the tent (twice) when poles snapped because of the winds in the middle of the night.

It's funny how invigorating it is to spend a weekend getting dirty and tired and how sleeping less and working more for basic things (like a hot meal) are actually energizing. The seven-hour drive home was well worth it, in spite of the border wait.

Ash, James, Dana, and Leo — thanks for a great weekend.