Piranha (2010)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: It is spring break. There are piranhas in the lake. Really, you don't need to know much more than that.



Scariness factor: This movie is delightfully campy, so don't go in expecting to be scared. Go in expecting boobs, boobs, and more boobs.

Gross-Out Factor: Oh my god, gross-out factor is high high high in this. They really enjoy upping each piranha attack with a newer and grosser one. Definitely not for the faint of heart.



Complaints: This movie is so fricking misogynistic. I mean, it is T & A like a horror movie's never been T'ed and A'ed before. The feminist in me has to bitch about that just a little. Thankfully though, all the horribly douchey males in this movie meet their ends in horrific ways, especially Jerry O'Connell's character, and thank god for that 'cause THAT DUDE IS SO GROSS. He definitely has one of the best one-liners in the movie though.

High Points: Ok. So I really really really wanna hate this movie, 'cause it's so T & A in a way that no other horror movie I've seen has been. So understand: the fact that I LOVE IT SO FREAKING MUCH DESPITE THAT FACT really is a testament to how entertaining this movie is. When I first saw it last year, I saw it in 3D at the theater, and I was the ONLY PERSON IN THE THEATER and I remember feeling like a super dirty old man because it was like nonstop boobs. And not only just boobs but nonstop 3D boobs. And I was just sitting there in a completely empty theater, hunched in a seat with my 3D glasses on, staring at boobs for 90 minutes. But even despite that fact: totally dug it. And rewatching it this Halloween season solidified that fact. And because I do dig it so surprisingly much, we're gonna bullet the shit out of its high points:

1. Boobs. I know I just went off on how creeped out I am about how many boobs there are in this movie, but seriously: it's impressive, the sheer quantity of boobs in this movie. And seriously: I have seen a lot of movies, and I'm pretty certain I've never seen another movie that has had even half as many boobs as this one. And if you had the pleasure of seeing it in 3D, YOU GOT TO SEE 3D BOOBS, and 3D boobs: not in the slightest bit overrated. Also, you get to see a lady whose boobs got eaten by piranhas. And as much as I hate to admit it: totally funny.


2. The opening sequence. I was in a theater by myself when I first saw this movie, and I seriously giggled with glee at the opening sequence. It was worth sitting through this movie for the opening sequence alone, it's that adorable. For those of you who haven't seen it, I'm not gonna tell you what it is 'cause it'll ruin it, so stop reading. **SPOILER ALERT** For those of you who HAVE seen it: how brilliant was it to have Richard Dreyfuss fishing and singing the song he sings in Jaws??? Fucking loved it.**END SPOILER ALERT**


3. The fact that this movie exploits boobs boobs and more boobs but really, all the super-douchey male characters really do meet horrible demises. And very specifically so, with Jerry O'Connell's being the most enjoyable (and deal with the lack of spoiler alert on that one 'cause it's not ruining anything).


4. The special fx. If you've been reading this blog for more than 5 minutes, you know how very very very very very much I hate CGI. And that's mostly 'cause it looks horribly cheesy on a regular basis. So you also know what a big deal it is for me to say that the CGI kicks ass in this. The piranhas are creepy as fuck. The moments where it's very obviously CGI are cheesy enough to make it enjoyable rather than annoying. And I honestly am not sure how much of the gruesome parts were CGI and how much were not. Which also says something. The special fx definitely have a very old-school Tom Savini feel to them. And I'm not a gore person, but the gore is so over the top that I found it really entertaining in this. In fact, if you talk about the movie with your friends, almost everyone has their favorite death moments. The whole massacre scene in the water really is quite fantastic and impressive and absolutely disgusting.





5. The fact that the movie does not take itself seriously at all and--in a way reminiscent of old school horror flicks of the 80's where it's abundantly clear how much love and care folks like Tom Savini put into the gore--you can really tell that everyone who was involved in making this just had a fucking blast with it, and the gory scenes were--to me--one of the rare moments in modern horror in the past ten years or so where it really felt like the folks involved in the special fx were just having a goddamn blast goring that shit up. It's weird to put it this way, but there's just a loving care to the special fx that's absent in a lot of newer horror flicks that're just CGIed the fuck up.


6. Adam Scott. I dig the dude in pretty much everything 'cause he really is funny. But normally I don't go for the skinny dude with a really big head look. And for some reason Adam Scott's face always makes me think of Fievel from An American Tail. So I don't know if maybe it's just the manliness that comes with fighting off man-eating piranhas, but Adam Scott is a fucking hottie in this. He's all scruffy and stubbly and adorable and his reactions to everything just cracked me the hell up. So what I'm saying is: Adam Scott, you, me, and a few man-eating piranhas. How 'bout it?

Overall: Love. It is over-the-top and delightful and cheesy and fun and gory as hell and really, just a goddamn blast. See it if you haven't. You won't regret it. Unless you absolutely hate boobs.

Grade: A

[Rec]2

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: The plot is the direct continuation of [Rec]. It begins where the original left off and continues with a group of armed officers being sent in on a secret mission to recover something that I will not divulge here. A young group of teens sneaks in as well to get in on the action, only to quickly regret their decision.



Scariness factor: Love love love the infected in both [Rec] and [Rec]2. They move freakishly fast and are scary as fuck. The handheld camera method of filming the action also lends amazingly to the creepiness of the film. In one of the high-intensity zombie-attack scenes, for example, the sound goes out, and there is something startlingly creepy and disorienting about seeing a zombie attack and not being able to hear it. The director/creator really conceived a great thing in using the handheld camera trope. Leaps and bounds more successful than, say, Cloverfield.



Gross-Out Factor: Lots of blood and spewing of blood and head explosions of blood. If you're squeamish about blood, you'll likely want to steer clear.

Complaints: I'm not sure how enthused I was about the "twist" they decided to put on the origin of the infection. In some ways, I thought it was interesting and worked well, but in others, it kind of lent a weird supernatural dynamic to it that didn't bowl me over a whole ton.



High Points: [Rec] is definitely the better of the two films, but if you liked [Rec], you'll definitely like the sequel. It is intense and will leave you clutching your seat. The filming is awesome, the zombies are scary as hell, and the twist at the end isn't too bad, though you're likely to see it coming. The best part of the movies though is definitely the handheld camera-style. It is handled so cleverly and effectively that it makes the movie leaps and bounds scarier than it would otherwise be.

Overall: If you liked [Rec], the sequel definitely won't disappoint. And if you haven't seen [Rec], well, goddammit: get on it. 'Cause it's one of the best horror movies in recent years, without a doubt.

Grade: A-

Night of the Comet

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A meteor-shower appears to have incinerated everyone on the planet except for a select few who happened to be protected by steel-walls. The survivors gather to flirt, dance to Cyndi Lauper, fight a few sunglassed zombies, and ward off the government who is draining their blood to try to find some sort of cure.

Scariness factor: If 80's mall-hair makes you scream in terror, this movie will SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU.



Gross-Out Factor: Someone gets hit in the head with a large wrench. That's pretty much the extent of it.

Complaints: Not quite enough 80's music. (Oh snark.)



High Points:The 80's mall-hair. The gloriously hideous 80's soundtrack. The obligatory 80's dance/dress-up/mall sequence where the sisters, despite dealing with a) zombies and b) most everyone in the world having been incinerated, find time to try on different clothes with each other at the mall while dancing to "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." The fact that the blond younger sister looks uncannily like a 1980's version of Michelle Williams:



Overall: If you're looking for a campy 80's gem, this will definitely satisfy.

Grade: A- (camp)

Tormented (1960)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A man who is soon to be married stands idly by as his mistress tosses threats at him and then falls to her death from a lighthouse. But this mistress just can't let it go and returns as a ghost, threatening his marriage with her hauntings.

Scariness factor: A ha ha ha ha ha hahahahahaha cough choke hahaha.



Gross-Out Factor: Horrifying and gruesome scenes such as "plastic head being held in man's hand" and "footprints appearing in carpet" and "woman plummets from lighthouse."

Complaints: All the complaints are precisely what makes this movie such a campy gem. First off: voice-over/narration. Apparently it was the "hip thing" in 1960s horror flicks to have THE most retarded voice-over/narrations EVER. The Haunting (1963) which is one of my favorite horror movies of all-time suffers from the same problem. The characters think A LOT to themselves and VERY LOUDLY. Second: the sound effects. I swear to god, the sound of a seagull squawking overhead is SERIOUSLY a dude shouting CAW CAW CAW. Not even shitting you. Third: the logic. Apparently people in the 1960s were RIDICULOUSLY stupid all the time. You have a head in a blanket? Definitely throw it out in the sand where people will surely find it. Fourthly: Oh my god the dude that tries to blackmail the male lead has THE funniest dialogue ever, Dad. I think he's supposed to be a hipster, Dad, so he seriously calls the dude Dad like 37 times in the course of 10 minutes, Dad. Fifth: The special fx. Seriously, there is a scene with a plastic head that we're supposed to believe is the head of the woman haunting him. Sixthly: The acting. Worst. Acting. Ever.

High Points: See all the complaints.




Overall: This is high-camp, so don't go in expecting to have your socks scared off, Dad. But DO figure out how to turn this into a drinking game because next Halloween I AM SO SHOWING THIS AT MY PLACE.

Grade: A (but only in camp)

Oldboy (Oldeuboi)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A man is kidnapped for reasons unknown and imprisoned in a hotel room for 15 years. When finally released, he makes it his mission to hunt down his kidnappers and find out the reason for his imprisonment.

Scariness factor: I'm not even sure this is technically considered a horror flick, but I include it anyways. Nonetheless, it's not so much scary as it is intense and suspenseful.



Gross-Out Factor: Lots of teeth getting pulled out. A few other grotesqueries, but nothing TOO horrible.

Complaints: I really like this movie, so I can't so much think of any.



High Points: This movie is just really kind of awesome. The plotline will have you plunging forward with curiosity, and, just like Oh Dae-Su, you'll find yourself wanting to know what the fuck is going on. It's well-acted. It's got some really horrible and mischievous twists. And it's got style out the ass and is beautifully shot. And actually funny at times as well. Plus, the two male leads are HOT. I mean, purr:



Overall: I'm not sure if this is technically horror. But since one of you recommended it as a horror film I should watch this season, I'm reviewing it anyways. I've seen it twice, and I really really dig it. So go check it out.

Grade: A

(And yes, I missed THIRST in the theaters but am counting down the days 'til it comes out on dvd.)

Inside (A L'interieur)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A pregnant woman is involved in a car crash that kills her husband. She is spending her Christmas Eve alone with plans to for a medically-induced birth the next day when a crazy woman breaks into her house with plans to steal her baby by any means necessary.

Scariness factor: Damn. This movie is all sorts of claustrophobic and freaky. I noticed my body all tensed up several times throughout the movie and with clenched knuckles etc.



Gross-Out Factor: This was one of the goriest movies I've ever seen. I normally wouldn't sit through something so gory, but it was filmed so well and it was so fricking scary that I toughed it out. But jesus: definitely not for the faint of heart. The faint of heart shouldn't even be IN THE SAME HOUSE as this movie.

Complaints: The gore. While it was almost magnificent in how over the top it was, I'm still not quite sure it was necessary. I'll give them the final shot, because that one was FANTASTIC and horrible. But much of it seemed over-the-top. And the shots of the baby in utero were a bit cheese-tastic

High Points: This movie just had a lot of style to it. It was gruesome but oftentimes beautifully shot in its gruesomeness. And it seriously was scary as fuck. You know those movies where you find yourself leaning forward in your seat, muttering under your breath to the characters, willing with your body for the main character to make it out safely? This is DEFINITELY one of those gems.



Overall: The more and more I think about this movie, the more and more I liked it, despite the intense gore. It really was spooky as fuck. So if you can HANDLE the gore, I definitely recommend.

Grade: A-

(Thanks, Kimberly, for the recommendation!)

The Feast

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: It's a typical weeknight at the local dive bar, that is until a man busts in with tall tales of vicious, man-eating creatures headed their way.

Scariness factor: It's got some high-tension moments, though the humor saps out a lot of the build-up of tension (though not in a bad way)



Gross-Out Factor: Pretty damn high. A dude gets an eyeball pulled out, in full-on, graphic grossness. And that's just one example.

Complaints: Really, I'm hard-pressed to think of any.

High Points: I'd seen this movie at the library dozens of times and thought nothing of it because it looked like a shitty straight-to-video flick. And then I saw it on someone's TOP 100 HORROR MOVIES list. And then I saw it on someone else's TOP 100 HORROR MOVIES list. So I decided perhaps I really needed to check it out. And there's a reason that it made it onto these people's list: It's is a goddamn fun and funny horror flick. I rarely enjoy new horror flicks, but this movie was seriously a blast. It doesn't take itself too seriously, and it also doesn't take the horror genre too seriously, so it's an enjoyable self-deprecating ride. It's high-paced throughout, never a slow moment. The 90 minutes will breeze by with action-packed momentum. It's got strong female characters--in fact, they're the only ones who really seem to have their heads on their shoulders throughout. And they kick ass and explode the "helpless female" horror movie trope. But most importantly, this movie is funny as HELL. I found myself laughing out loud in parts. It sets you up to expect certain things out of it, and then it very cleverly undercuts all of your expectations.



Overall: I really really enjoyed this movie. It is funny, fast-paced, has great special fx, and is surprisingly underhyped. Go check it out. You won't be disappointed.

Grade: A

The Strangers (2008)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A couple returns to the cabin they've rented for the weekend, only to have some young woman scare them in the middle of the night by knocking on the door in search of some unknown friend. This is only the beginning. Soon three different masked figures begin to torment the couple from outside (and inside) their cabin.

Scariness factor: The first 30 minutes of this movie (all "boring back-story" aside) were some of the tensest moments I've seen in a new horror film in a LONG time. And the first time you see one of the masked figures SCARED THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME, no lie. It was so well-done and subtle and goddamn fricking spooky.



Gross-Out Factor: There are only two major gross-out scenes, and honestly--they don't show all that much. I can't speak for the unrated version though.

Complaints: My big big big complaint with this movie are the shots of the spooky masked figures where the action of the figures seems to benefit no one other than the viewer. If you don't quite get what I mean, I'm speaking of the moments where one of the victims is unaware that one of the masked figures has walked into view somewhere behind them and yet the masked figure never follows through with any actions that would REQUIRE them walking into the scene in such a way, other than to spook the viewer out. I mean, why would a masked figure, who is trying to torment one of the victims, take the time appear behind them about 50 feet away without ever making their appearance known to the victim and without ever DOING anything else that really EXPLAINS why (outside of the fact that it spooks the viewer out) the masked figure even took the time to walk over there? Also disappointing was the ending. [spoiler alert] The movie would have been infinitely more interesting if they would've ended it MY way, which would've been that the masked tormenters vanish without a trace in the morning, never killing the two victims, and leaving the victims haunted with the knowledge that they killed their own friend when it wasn't necessary since their tormenters just wanted to scare the shit out of them and had no plans to kill them in the first place. [/end spoiler alert]

High Points: Holy crap, the first time they show a masked figure: I swear to god my heart skipped a beat. It was so damn subtle and spooky. The beginning of this movie houses most of the high points. The spookiness of this movie is not from any of the actual violence or chase-scenes that take place. It's from all the moments leading up to these things: the pounding on the doors and the anticipation and the not-knowing what's going on. Once the victims and the masked tormenters meet, it's not quite as scary anymore. But the first 30 minutes or so: good good stuff.



Overall: I'm torn. I thought it was fantastically creepy at the beginning, but the rest was kind of meh. Well-worth sitting through the first 30 minutes though. And although N-A insisted afterwards that the movie was dumb and unscary, he apparently forgot that he spent the first 30 minutes muttering threats at me for making him watch such a freaky movie and hiding his face behind a blanket.

Grade: First 30 minutes: A, Rest of the movie: B

The House on Haunted Hill (1959)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: A husband and wife arrange for a handful of guests to come to a party they are throwing at a haunted house. Any of the guests that make it through the night--alive--will win $10,000.

Scariness factor: I actually must admit--I was pleasantly surprised. I'm not a big fan of older horror movies as they usually are kind of slow and not scary at all. But this definitely had some creepy moments. Some lame moments too. But some creepy moments.



Gross-Out Factor: Minimal and 1950s.

Complaints: The screaming. Dear god. The screaming. Let's just say that I am happy that our female horror victims have finally developed some agency within horror flicks in the past couple decades instead of just standing around helplessly screaming. Over. And over. And over. Without ever running away.

High Points: First off, I've got to mention that the skeleton-attack featured in the picture below CRACKED my shit up because it is SO precisely what The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra was making fun of, and that movie is funny as HELL. All that aside, Vincent Price is in this movie, and he is a creepy weirdo. This movie is also surprisingly shocking at times--at least for the time it was made. It also has some damn creepy moments, again--surprising for the time it was made. Granted, it's dated. But as old horror flicks go, it's definitely a fun one to watch.



Overall: I dug it. It's definitely 1950s, and it may occasionally suffer from slow pacing. But at worst, it'll give you and your friends a good 75 minutes worth of laughter.

Grade: A

Friday the 13th

As I am apparently your horror-movie-reviewing bitch ; ), I watched Friday the 13th last night, as requested...


--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: Camp Crystal Lake is prepping to open again, 20 years after a series of horrific murders. Will the camp counselors make it out alive this time?

Scariness factor: All I have to say is CHI CHI CHI CHI HA HA HA HA CHI CHI CHI CHI HA HA HA HA.

Gross-Out Factor: Pretty high, in that 1980's campy slasher-film-type way.



Complaints: This movie's fun, so I really don't have any. Oh wait! No. The one thing that DROVE me nuts was when the one girl takes elaborate measures to fend off her attacker by stacking and dragging various different objects in front of a door THAT OPENS OUT IN THE OTHER DIRECTION, essentially making all her effort not worth JACK SHIT.

High Points: This movie is great classic 80's slasher film camp. It's creepy and yet funny. It's got bad acting. It's got over-the-top death-scenes that essentially just show off gloriously old-school special fx. It's got a creepy-ass ending. It's gonna a funny as shit ending. *SPOILER: It has one of THE funniest horror movie villains in it: a nearly-elderly woman whose bones you can almost hear creaking whenever she moves and who does a FANTASTICALLY hysterical job of looking crazy while slapping around the Final Girl. Because she of COURSE has to be a slapper, seeing as she is a woman. /END SPOILER* It also has a very young Kevin Bacon in it who looks like he's had every square inch of hair Naired from his body. Seriously: way too much fun.



Overall: A great slasher classic, perfect for the Halloween season.

Grade: A

The Bad Seed (1956)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: Rhoda is the most perfect little girl in every which way. She likes to wear dresses. She is courteous to adults. She says please and thank you and curtsies when appropriate. Yet, why is it that the people who cross her keep showing up dead?

Scariness factor: This is a 1950s flick, and the scariness is uber-subtle. But it's there. And it's good in the moments it seeps through. But if you're someone who is into horror films for the slasher-flicks, you won't like it.

Gross-Out Factor: Nada.



Complaints: It's slow-moving. It actually didn't bother me too much, but I think for folks looking for fast-paced, slasher-momentum type flicks, this won't please you.

High Points: The little girl in this movie is creepy as hell--you will want to push her down the stairs. The mom is both a terrible actress and a good one. Yet, she is the crux of the movie, along with the little girl. And she does well. This movie, for the time period, is also strangely uncomfortable, especially the last 15 minutes or so, moments which I suspect The Omen no doubt took cues from. There are also many scenes in this movie that seem ahead of its time--like the way the fire and the groundskeeper scene goes down. They very brilliantly choose not to show a minute of the actual groundskeeper but instead keep the camera focused on the mother and her response as the horrific noises of the events taking place fill the soundtrack. This wouldn't be anything surprising in a newer film, but it seems wickedly smart for one from the 1950s. I guess I was just impressed with the subtle nuances of this movie. It is slow-moving, but I can see why it is on many Top 50 Horror Flicks lists, as there IS something really kind of unsettling about it.



Overall: The more and more I think about it, the more and more I like this film. Slow-paced, but unique and clever for the time it was made, and this lends it a scariness above and beyond the typical 1950s horror flick.



Grade: A

The Orphanage (El Orfanato)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: As a little girl, Laura grew up in an orphanage--as an adult, she returns with her family to the very same orphanage to live. When her child vanishes one day, without even a single clue as to his disappearance, she begins to unearth horrific truths about the orphanage, and about her son's whereabouts.

Scariness factor: Wow. In all honesty: This is the CREEPIEST movie I've seen in YEARS. It's old-school, haunted house, goddamn spooky, jump-in-your-seat-and-turn-all-your-lights-on scary.

Gross-Out Factor: There is only one scene that is sticking out in my head, and it's moreso creeps than gross.



Complaints: None nada nil.

High Points: Spookiest movie I've seen in years. Hand's down. It's so nice to stumble across a horror flick every once in a while where the writer/director just 100% GET it--they understand what makes a horror film spooky. And this is one such film. The acting is FANTASTIC. The story is wonderfully-written. It reminds me of when I used to read the Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark series when I was little--there's that recognition that what is so damn scary about a story is so often that it is unapologetic in the twists and turns it takes, and in the dark ways that it ends itself. There are scenes in here that will TERRIFY the SHIT out of you. And so MANY of them. The scene with the medium is one such example--flawless. And there are a couple other scenes too--which I won't delve into, lest I give them away--where you will be all white-knuckled and realize you're holding your breath. The cinematography is GORGEOUS in here. And the film is subtle--it doesn't overdo ANYthing. It takes tiny steps, and it takes them carefully, and in doing so, it builds up some killer suspense and spookiness. Seriously a fantastic ghost story, one reminiscent of such greats as the original The Haunting.



Overall: How you know a horror film has truly succeeded--later in the night, when you find yourself walking through your apartment with your lights out, you feel that nervous horribleness creep up on you to the point of suffocation, causing you to scurry over and turn your lights on. Truly the best ghost story I've seen in years. I highly highly recommend. Yesterday, I said to add Infection to your list--today, I say: If you can only watch one horror film this Halloween season, fuck Infection. Let it be this one.

Grade: A+

Infection (Kansen)

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: In a small Japanese hospital that is going bankrupt, a horribly understaffed set of doctors and nurses accidentally kill a patient. Simultaneously, another patient that's suffering a horrifying infection is left at the hospital despite the staff insisting he be removed. His infection is an airborne infection and quickly begins to spread among the staff.

Scariness factor: Holy crap. This movie is creepy as FUCK.

Gross-Out Factor: Pretty nasty in parts--think "liquefying bodies" and "nurses attacking themselves with hypodermic needles."



Complaints: Nada. Ok--maybe I didn't 100% understand the end, but the movie was so good that I didn't so much care.

High Points: There is something to be said about Japanese horror films. Right now, Japan and China are putting out some of the best horror films on the market--American horror films pale in comparison. Infection is a case in point. The mood of this movie is creepier than any other I've seen in quite some time. The acting isn't fantastic (a bit over the top at times), but it takes nothing away from the rest of the movie. The music is BEYOND spooky. The old lady seriously SERIOUSLY freaked me the fuck out. The concept of it is not startlingly original, but they MAKE it so with the quality of their movie. The scenes are filmed real spooky. The lighting is real creeps. I could go on and on.



Overall: This movie CREEPED me the hell out. Those of you currently putting together must-see movie-lists for the month of October MUST add this on. You will not be disappointed.

Grade: A

Ganja & Hess

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: This movie's success doesn't hinge quite so much on a plot-line, but I will give you a brief synopsis anyways. Hess is an archeologist who is stabbed by an infected knife and develops a vampiric need for blood. Struggling to deal with this, he meets his late assistant's wife, and they fall in love. Soon she will learn of his insatiable bloodlust and must figure out what to do.

Scariness factor: This movie is not about the scare. But it is DEFINITELY haunting.

Gross-Out Factor: Minimal. And very 1970s. The blood is crayola red, for example.



Complaints: None. But I *CAN* tell you what some of you who rent this on my recommendation may complain about, and it's that 1) it's slow-moving and not plot-driven at all... it's moreso reliant on the power of the (sometimes disconnected) images rather than any real story, and 2) it's not jump-in-your-seat scary. But that's also not the point of it.

High Points: The back of the dvd declares that Ganja & Hess, "Hailed as one of the great artistic achievements of modern American cinema, [] was the only American film screened during Critics’ Week at the 1973 Cannes Film Festival--where it won a standing ovation. It was literally ahead of its time--so audacious and unique it was all but buried." And it's true: Ganja & Hess is a piece of cinematic history. It's a strange blend of blaxpoitation 1970's films, horror, and gothic themes. There's no horror film that I've seen that's quite like it. As I mentioned, it is not at all plot-driven. Its success is moreso contingent upon the power of its images. The movie uses the vehicle of "vampirism" to comment on addiction, fitting for the drug-soaked time-period. And it's got Duane Jones in it (the lead in Night of the Living Dead who pretty much MAKES that movie) and the woman from Night of the Cobra Woman who, if nothing else, is GORGEOUS to look at. You won't like it if you go in expecting something high-paced and horror/actiony. But if you rent it expecting to see something cinematically unique and strangely haunting, you may enjoy.



Overall: I thought it was quite haunting (and terrifying in moments). Again: it's like nothing you've ever seen. But rent it only if you're in the mood for slow, disorienting, imagistic, commentary-like horror.

Grade: A

Teeth

--Reviewed by Lindy Loo

Plotline: Dawn believes in purity and saving herself for marriage. But something's not quite right down below, and when a cute boy gets a little bit too friendly with her one day, all hell breaks loose.



Scariness factor: Wow. I mean, it's not jump in your seat scary. But your genitals will definitely definitely tremble with horror.

Gross-Out Factor: I'm not generally too squeamish of a person. But my stomach did flip-flops once or twice. Definitely definitely high. But delightfully so.



Complaints: Not a one.

High Points: Where to even begin? This movie is one of the best horror flicks I've seen in a while. Unlike Rob Zombie, the filmmaker really gets horror movies, and because of this, is able to turn every little aspect of the teen horror film on its head. The trailer itself is its own little piece of brilliance. (You can watch it above.) And the movie lives up to the expectations. Perhaps even goes BEYOND them. It's well-written. It's got good actors. And, above all else, it is really goddamn funny. But the kind of funny where you're moaning through the laughter because you know you SHOULDN'T be laughing but you just. can't. help. it. It's also wickedly smart because, right when you figure out where it's going with a scene and start thinking to yourself, Oh no--there's no way they're gonna do that because that's just so so so very disturb--OH NO THEY JUST WENT AHEAD AND DID IT! Right when you think it's not gonna go there, it does. 100%. And unapologetically. And it's WONDERFUL in that regard. It also will have all you female horror movie fiends completely geeked out because it inverts most every gender-expectation in a horror film. Instead of rampant female nudity, it's guys guys guys. We get to see WAY more of them then we probably would ever want to see. And, well, given the subject matter, the female lead DEFINITELY has agency.



Overall: Vag-clenchingly good. In every which way, this movie is fresh and delightful. It is clever and hysterically funny. And it's that wonderful kind of funny where you know it's just so wrong to be laughing but YOU JUST CAN'T HELP IT.

Grade: A+... Get thee to the video store