The Religious Dinner Table

I moved last weekend, so I've been a bit busy. Here now is an old entry from the first days of this blog. You probably haven't read it. If you have, just relax and I'll get some new material going in a few days.

When I taught World Religions, I used a metaphor to explain how I thought the conflicting religions of the world could possibly get over their centuries of acrimony. This is really not a new idea, but a nice dream. This class was right around lunchtime, and so many of the metaphors and references had to do with food, so bear with me.

Imagine a large circular dinner table, if you will, with no head- like Camelot's Round Table. At the table are the leaders of all the religions of the world. The Pope, the Dalai Lama, Bishops, Rabbis, Voodoo guys, the LDS President, there's even room for the Scientologists. Just don't send Tom Cruise because there are rules about jumping on the furniture.

Everyone is seated and comfortable, and lunch is about to be served. On the menu at the religious dinner table is Pizza. Why pizza? Well, for 2 reasons, one- as my uncle says it's like sex, when it's good it's great, and when it's bad it's still pretty good, And two- it is the one food that I have found most people can agree on.

That said, pizza can be difficult to agree on. I personally like a thin crust with pepperoni, olives and mushrooms. My wife likes Hawaiian. I hate Hawaiian and she hates pepperoni and olives, so how if we can't agree on pizza how will all the world's religious leaders? The Jews won't have Canadian Bacon, but might want a New York style, the Catholics will want meat and Chicago style, but not on Friday and the Vegan Pagans will want soy cheese and a gluten free crust. I smell more acrimony brewing.

Okay, well let's have them agree to disagree on toppings, sauces, cheeses, crust styles, etc. everyone gets their own personal pizza. How then, if each za is different does the metaphor work? I say focus not on the type of pizza, but on the fact that despite that some like the Hut and others Dominos, everyone can agree that pizza in some form is good, or at least acceptable.

Religion is the same as pizza. If my wife and I can have friends over and decide to eat pizza, but not get bogged down in the details, perhaps those in power can put aside some of their issues and agree on the basic concept of dough with some fixings, then perhaps they can go the next step to mending some of the oldest conflicts on the planet. Pizza is not called the perfect food for nothing, people.

Favorite Salt Lake Places

I have lived in Salt Lake City my whole life, and as such I feel like I know it well. The city has its problems, like any city, but it also has some great local flavor. Here now are a few of my favorite hang outs/restaurants/bars/etc. in Salt Lake.

HIRES BIG H

There are three locations for this famous restaurant, but the definitive one is on 7th East and 4th South in Salt Lake. I have been eating at Hires since I was a kid, and have always loved it. Its really not very ballsy as a Salt Laker to say, "I love Hires" because, frankly, who doesn't? That is the point though, the fries, the onion rings, the frosty mugs of root beer and the Big H with that fabulous sauce are the stuff of Utah legend. The shakes and freezes are amazing too, in case you didn't already know.

THE PIE

Walk down the stairs and into the dark brick-walled pizza joint that has been feeding University of Utah students for decades, and you will be changed forever. Just like Hires, the Pie is an institution in Salt Lake. With pizza so cheesy that it makes cows cry, and pitchers of cola or beer on the table, its impossible to leave the Pie hungry or unsatisfied. While the pizza is great, the best thing is the Cheese Pull Apart with a side of ranch and marinara. Again, most people from Salt Lake will not be surprised by  my picking the Pie, but I don't care.

THE BAR X

Gone, but never forgotten, The Bar X was Salt Lake's greatest watering hole. Serving the coldest beer in town, it gained a steady following of regulars that were drawn to its no frills atmosphere and the transcendent "appetizer platter." We can only hope that when it re-opens it retains some of the dank magic that made it so great in its heyday.

Farewell, Brett (that's sarcasm)

So, apparently Brett Favre is retiring. I'm so sad. Boo hoo. I'd actually be sad though if he hadn't retired and unretired, retired and unretired so many times already. Dude, just make a decision and stick with it. Ordering pizza with Brett must be impossible. "I'll have Hawaiian. No actually I'll have cheese. I don't know though, that Hawaiian looked pretty good." Jesus.

I'm really happy, though that the Vikings are being held hostage by Favre's decision because of my deep dislike for them. Favre did this retirement tango for years with my beloved Packers until they finally grew the onions to tell him to go away and do it to another team. Indeed he did, and the Vikings seem perfectly happy to cater to Favre and his ego, even while his teammates are working hard at training camp, and the team's two other quarterbacks sit around wondering if this is more Favre bull plop or the real deal.

Do us all a favor, Brett, retire this time. Not because you torched the Packers twice last year, and not because ESPN will probably go out of business when all this speculation about you finally goes away, but because you have worn out your welcome. Some people say that Brett has earned the right to do this because of his many years of greatness, but I say- NO. Just like any indecisive person, he needs to be slapped for all this waffling. Be it retirement or pizza, eventually Brett will be forced to come to a decision, and it won't be his anymore. And by the way, we're getting pepperoni and olives- that's final.

The Religious Dinner Table

When I taught World Religions, I used a metaphor to explain how I thought the conflicting religions of the world could possibly get over their centuries of acrimony.  This is really not a new idea, but a nice dream. This class was right around lunchtime, and so many of the metaphors and references had to do with food, so bear with me.

Imagine a large circular dinner table, if you will, with no head- like Camelot's Round Table.  At the table are the leaders of all the religions of the world.  The Pope, the Dalai Lama, Bishops, Rabbis, Voodoo guys, the LDS President, there's even room for the Scientologists.  Just don't send Tom Cruise because there are rules about jumping on the furniture.

Everyone is seated and comfortable, and lunch is about to be served.  On the menu at the religious dinner table is Pizza.  Why pizza? Well, for 2 reasons, one- as my uncle says it's like sex, when it's good it's great, and when it's bad it's still pretty good,  And two- it is the one food that I have found most people can agree on.

That said, pizza can be difficult to agree on.  I personally like a thin crust with pepperoni, olives and mushrooms.  My wife likes Hawaiian.  I hate Hawaiian and she hates pepperoni and olives, so how if we can't agree on pizza how will all the world's religious leaders?  The Jews won't have Canadian Bacon, but might want a New York style, the Catholics will want meat and Chicago style, but not on Friday and the Vegan Pagans will want soy cheese and a gluten free crust.  I smell more acrimony brewing.

Okay, well let's have them agree to disagree on toppings, sauces, cheeses, crust styles, etc. everyone gets their own personal pizza.  How then, if each za is different does the metaphor work?  I say focus not on the type of pizza, but on the fact that despite that some like the Hut and others Dominos, everyone can agree that pizza in some form is good, or at least acceptable.

Religion is the same as pizza.  If my wife and I can have friends over and decide to eat pizza, but not get bogged down in the details, perhaps those in power can put aside some of their issues and agree on the basic concept of dough with some fixings, then perhaps they can go the next step to mending some of the oldest conflicts on the planet.  Pizza is not called the perfect food for nothing, people.