You've Gotta See the BABY'S Room! (because it's haunted)

I can think of two good reasons why I’ll probably never be a homeowner. 1) I live in New York and will therefore be able to complete an Olympic rhythmic gymnastics routine before I could afford to buy property 

and 2) I’ve seen too many haunted house films.


See, a haunted apartment is escapable. Sure, you might lose some deposit cash, but at least you won’t be forced to choose between your hard-earned life savings and the offchance that your socially unacceptable supernatural suspicions are grounded in soul-stealing truths. 

Such life decisions bring us to today’s feature, The Baby’s Room, Alex de la Iglesia’s entry in Spain’s 6 Films To Keep You Awake. As my past reviews of A Real Friend and A Christmas Tale demonstrate, this collection is pretty tops. Toss in my recent viewing of Iglesia’s unique monster of a film The Last Circus and my expectations get pretty darn tall.

Quick Plot: Juan and Sonja have just moved into a mysteriously well-priced home in a well-to-do neighborhood. When they install a baby monitor to keep track of their sleeping toddler, Juan overhears a scrambled message coming through. Silly Juan. Don’t you know baby monitors are made for one reason and one reason only when used in a horror film, and ‘keeping track of your sleeping toddler’ sure ain’t one of them?

Did Insidious teach them nothing?!

Like any red-blooded Ameri-er, Spanish man, Juan immediately decides to upgrade his technology with the most expensive on the market. It also gives him a prime chance to flirt with the cashier and plant seeds of character unlikability. But hey, you HAVE to get the best, right?

Hence, Juan moves in a video monitor, only to discover that late at night, a black-clad figure is hovering over his child. Such events continue each night, much to the chagrin of his doubtful wife and frustrated boss who watches his ace reporter stink his way into the office past deadlines and without showers. 

Considering The Baby’s Room is only 79 minutes long, it feels wrong to say much more, especially as the turns aren’t overly surprising (it’s a haunted house film, for goodness sake) but still enjoyable in their execution. With a small cast, The Baby’s Room is an intimate film, one that spends virtually its entire running time on Javier Gutierrez’s Juan. It’s actually a relief to have it be the husband, rather than the typical weary mother, cast as the hysteric, and Guitierrez does a fine job keeping our interest (if not always our sympathies).

Much like the other films in this series, The Baby’s Room is also quite funny, with a neat sense of lightness as Juan grows more and more paranoid. It’s odd then to pinpoint exactly why and where it drags, but at a certain point, even 79 minutes felt long. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that the central mystery is never quite explained despite Juan’s intensive research. Pacing is mildly problematic, though the performances and dread carry it through.

High Points

Yes, there’s a baby in danger in a movie called The Baby’s Room, but while we do fear for the toddler’s safety, it’s actually quite amazing that the film’s most dramatic jump scare involves a minor parenting moment

No spoilers, but the final beat offers the perfect tone to end on

Low Points

We get that mirrors are shifty and stuff might happen that will make us jump. That being the case, we REALLY don’t need obvious sound effects to remind us.

Lessons Learned

In Spain, hide and seek involves seeing, not catching

Your first mistake in obtaining a haunted house: purchasing your home from a mall-stationed real estate agency and a man with a shiny ponytail

Old people are crazy (from the mouths of old babes)

If you’re really happy and content in your life, you should refrain from saying that out loud. The screenwriter might hear and decide to, you know, make you the star of a horror film

Stray Sexy Observation

As I noted recently with Aiden Gillen’s proclivity towards nude sex scenes, it feels right to point out that the lovely and versatile actress Leonor Watling  has spectacular breasts and I know this because a) I’m a woman and a fair judge and b) I’ve seen them in three different films thus far

Parents of the Year Award...

...does not go to the characters in this film. For proof, observe the first scene wherein they notice something funky coming through the baby monitor. Rather than immediately run to the baby’s room to investigate, the pair strain their ears until something definitely menacing comes through the airwaves. Oh, then they later SEE a figure in the room via video. And also consider their options before...you know...GOING INTO THEIR BABY’S ROOM.

Rent/Bury/Buy

This is my third trip through Spain’s 6 Films To Keep You Awake series, and like A Real Friend and A Christmas Tale, The Baby’s Room delivers a funny, scary, and concise ride. The film is streaming on Netflix and is well worth a watch, though for $16, you can also just grab the whole set. It’s essentially Masters of Horror but good. And much cheaper. And good.

Killer Klowns From Outer Spain

If like me, you had a decidedly American education when it came to social studies, your knowledge of Spain’s history is probably about as rich as a bag of sodium-free rice cakes. It’s a shame of course, but thankfully, there are some pretty fascinating filmmakers today toying mightily to create surreal metaphors that play as historical(ish) horror movies. Guillermo Del Toro’s Pan’s Labyrinth is the obvious example, but with The Last Circus, director Alex de la Iglesia creates his own odd--though those three letters don’t really do this tale’s bizarreness any form of justice--spin on Franco and the Spanish Civil War...

or maybe he’s just telling a dramatic love story...

or imagining what Taxi Driver would’ve been like if Travis Bickle were a circus clown (aside from it being renamed ‘Comically Undersized Car Driver,’ of course)

It’s not an easy diagnosis.

Quick Plot: When a peaceful children’s circus clown is dragged into battle and immediately thereafter, hard labor military prison, his son Javier grows up sad...sad CLOWN sad, you might even say. After an ill-fated rescue attempt involving some mighty heavy horse shoes, Javier is orphaned. We revisit him some years later in the 1970s, well after peace is declared and Javier (now played by Carlos Areces) has evolved from an awkwardly skinny teen into an awkwardly chubby boy-child starting his first day of work as, you guessed it, a sad clown.

At the circus, we’re introduced to the typical carny lot, from Ramiro the elephant keeper to a bickering couple with doggie training issues to a vertically challenged daredevil biker. Most of note is Sergio, the superstar head clown who’s great with kids but terrible with alcohol, particularly when it’s drunk in the presence of his beautiful acrobat wife Natalia.

A love triangle ensues, following the typical light-hearted rom-com tropes of spousal abuse, sad trumpet face smashes and dead baby jokes. For reasons that won’t be spoiled here, Javier is forced to flee the circus and survive naked in a forest ditch on raw deer meat before becoming a servant dog to the man who killed his father.

Got that? Trust me when I say there’s a whole lot of story points that I can’t cover, some of which includes presidential assassination and Kojak strip shows. At a certain point, Javier undergoes a horrifying self-imposed transformation terrifyingly teased by the tragically underachieving American poster art:

Irons and sulfuric acid are involved. So are squirms.

It all leads to a frantic finale set atop a 500 foot high cross, which Wikipedia was kind enough to tell me was The Valley of the Fallen, a controversial monument ordered by Francisco Franco--himself a supporting player in The Last Circus. As Javier chases Natalia, Sergio chases Javier, the police chase Sergio, and some of the beloved circus folk watch while the soundtrack roars...and roars...and roars.

Subtlety ain’t served at this circus.

The Last Circus is, as you might imagine, an odd bit of cinema. If it were a pizza, you might say the circus is a historical metaphor for 20th century Spanish history, the cheese is pure horror movie, sauce composed of a typical love story and toppings an eclectic mix of circus tricks, some terrifying and others hysterical. 

Stay with me on the food thing. I promise it will make sense (maybe). I liken The Last Circus to a pizza not because I’m hungry but more because a pizza is easily defined by its parts. You know what works or doesn’t work on a large cheese pie, be it a burnt crust or the deliciously fresh mozzarella. Each ingredient is a separate entity, unlike soup or stew or even the more fluid Pan’s Labyrinth, where everything mixes more seamlessly. The Last Circus--a film I do quite like--stumbles a tad in its (perhaps inevitable) disjointedness. Javier’s journey covers everything from sweet puppy love literally coated in cotton candy to playing the role of a mute slave serving a military sadist. Were I more familiar with Spanish history, I imagine I’d be able to better analyze the story and probably appreciate Iglesia’s use of cinematic metaphor. Putting that aside, does The Last Circus hold up as a mere film narrative?

Absolutely. Though the chaos reigns with the furor of a Von Trier talking fox, The Last Circus is something special. The opening 1930s clown-on-the-battlefield feels like a piece of absurdist theater set on cinematic fire, while Areces’ rotund sadness lends the center an unusual heart. The love story works because the actors are interesting and the relationships are clearly about more than just love. Javier is sufficiently sympathetic before being transformed into something insanely frightening, although unfortunately, his Falling Down-like rampage doesn’t quite deliver on the horrifying promises it seems to make. It’s forgiven when the film’s funniest scene closes things out. 

So The Last Circus is also funny, something that I believe will prove more evident upon a repeat viewing. It’s scary, simply because civil war and clowns and mutilated faces and fascism are...you know, SCARY. To call The Last Circus a horror film is a compliment to both the movie and genre. It’s not quite as good as I wanted it to be, but it’s something truly different that delivers on a few--if not all--its fronts.

High Points

Much like A Serbian Film, The Last Circus makes absolutely phenomenal use of its sound, both in the brilliantly composed score to the chilling sound effects

As my undying adoration for the Lou Diamond Philips’ classic The First Power proves, I do love me a good horse stomping

Low Points

Considering some of the pretty incredible visuals at play in The Last Circus, we certainly could’ve done with a more imaginative poster design eh?

Lessons Learned

The greatest war tactic of all time might indeed involve unleashing your secret weapon upon the enemy, and by secret weapon, I am of course referring to a clown armed with a machete

Few skills are less dismal than the gunfire aim of mid-20th century Spanish police officers 

Female elephants are, in a word, possessive creatures

There is no mother. No. Mother. Got that?

See/Skip/Wait It Out Impatient Jerk

The Last Circus is not a perfect film, but it’s something truly unique and incredibly confident about being so. There’s a chance a whole lot of viewers will hate it, but even if the major narratives don’t click for you, the visuals and sound might well be enough to keep your senses sated. Sadly I doubt the film will make a stop at most major theaters, but if the circus comes to your town, it’s absolutely worth the trip.