Another Buggish Swap, This Time With 2x More Jan Brady

"Dying is easy. Comedy is hard."--Someone

"Writing about bad movies is easy. Writing about comedies is hard."--Me

The only people that challenge us more than our enemies are generally our dearest friends, and that's probably why the one and only T.L. Bugg used this month's movie swap to assign me Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury. It's not that it's not my KIND of film--a meta movie-within-a-movie lampooning made-for-cheap '80s action romps? Sign me up!--but more the fact that I find reviewing comedies to be incredibly difficult. Sure, if we're talking about unintentional comedies--Twilight, Cool As Ice, and the like--then the words seep through my MacBook like a blue liquid in the offbrand maxipad on a commercial for Kotex. But straight-out humor is hard to discuss. Over at The Lightning Bug's Lair, I've repaid my debt by sending the Bugg to Instant Watch for the 1993 ...And God Spoke, an underrated mockumentary with juicy cameos from Soupy Sales, Andy Dick, Lou Ferigno and more. To find out if he had as hard a time writing and as good a time watching, head on yonder.

But enough stalling. Let's get wet.

Quick Plot: Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury is essentially presented as the special edition watching experience of Poolboy 2. Are you confused yet?

Our director, writer, producer, dubber, and occasional actor Saint James St. James (ACTUAL writer Ross Patterson,  a game performer with an eerie vocal resemblance to Will Arnett's GOB Bluth) serves as our narrator of sorts, announcing we’re about to watch the long out-of-print film he made as an entitled one-eyed 10-year-old in 1990. Throughout the main narrative of Poolboy 2, St. James interrupts to give us some behind-the-scenes tidbits, such as why one character in a group shot was shot on green screen (because he was in prison), why flubs weren’t edited out (because a non-actor pulling a gun on your crew sells tickets), and why there’s not much nudity (St. James didn’t understand that “more nudity” didn’t mean “more penises” to the studio).

As you can probably guess, Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury is not a traditional film. It’s a fictional making-of detailing a fictional Rambo knockoff about a Vietnam vet (Kevin Sorbo as John Van Hammer playing Sal Bando—got that?) who promised his fallen soldier friend that they would open a pool cleaning business together, only to return to California to discover all such companies are now owned by—gasp!—Mexicans. In a sort of reversal of Machete, Bando becomes a crusader for white American rights, eliminating anyone who steps in his way with EXTREME prejudice.

Sure, the Mexicans in town aren’t innocent, having murdered his cheating wife and sorta son (or at least, drowned dummies that vaguely resembled them). Under the control of—whaddya know! --Machete and more importantly, 7 Mummies’ Danny Trejo, Bando’s town becomes a hotbead of violence as he skims some pools, goes to parties hosted by Children of the Corn’s grown-up Malachai, and has sex with inflatable dolls/neighborhood blonds. One of whom is played by…

JAN BRADY CONNECTION!!!

I’m not embarrassed to say I saw 1995’s The Brady Bunch Movie three times in the theaters. I found and still find it to be insanely enjoyable, as is its slightly lesser followup, A Very Brady Sequel. One of its secret weapons was Jennifer Elise Cox’s charmingly mad performance as Jan and thusly did it bring a Marcia Marcia Marcia bright smile to my face to see Ms. Cox show up as one of Bando’s most loyal clients.

But guess what? It gets better!

You see, the gods of movie recommendations looked upon we two bloggers, one from the northern Bronx hood and the other strumming a banjo made from dead pool cleaners' skin on his South Carolinian porch (that's how I imagine he spends weekends not spent at HorrorHound) and bestowed upon us a gift: TWO JAN BRADYS! As Cox costars in Poolboy, so does the original Jan Eve Plumb playing Noah’s wife (actually, playing Eve Plumb PLAYING Noah’s wife) in …And God Spoke.

So that's exciting. At least if you're me.

But back to Poolboy! Or the making of Poolboy 2! I'm still confused!

Poolboy: Drowning Out the Fury (the real one on Instant Watch) is a fun, deliberately goofy homage of sorts to the kinds of filmed-in-the-Philippines action romps you now find rusting in the gray market. If you don't have much love for that sub sub sub genre, I don't imagine you'll find Poolboy overly amusing, although much of its randomness might work for the kinds of comedy fans who dug Wet Hot American Summer before it was cool to do so (or maybe I just like to use that comparison because I'm one of the few truly cool people who did and I like to brag about it).

I found Poolboy an odd viewing experience because initially, it seemed positively genius. As the film went on, the hit vs. miss percentage of the jokes became a little more evenhanded. For a lot of them, the idea of the joke was amusing--terribly dubbed actors, for example--though the final execution felt a tad off. I won't say it was director Garrett Brawith's fault necessarily, especially since he demonstrates a wonderful strength with getting his actors (be they Jason Mewes or Courtney Gains) to nail the tone to near perfection. Maybe the new filmmaking team just need a little more time in honing style, but it's a minor criticism for something that proudly declares itself wacky and follows up on it in every scene.

High Points

One of the biggest faults of so many spoofs is that they cave in to tradition and try to force actual heart or development on their not-supposed-to-be-real characters. Poolboy thankfully avoids such a trap and instead, everybody and thing onscreen exists solely for our laughs. Sure, not all of them work, but I admire the filmmakers' spirits in going all out

Kevin Sorbo has a fairly thankless role here in playing a mediocre action star that deliberately lacks the charisma or talent of his more famous peers. When you think about how he downplays it, his performance here is actually incredibly generous, letting both Sal AND John come across exactly as they should

Low Points

As explained above—including my own inability to write well about comedy—there are simply some jokes that, well, don’t quite work

Lessons Learned

Nobody hates Menudo. Everybody in the world loves Menudo!

The present participle of ‘rap’ has two p’s

Answering the phone a thrust before orgasming will have serious effects on a man

Rent/Bury/Buy

Comedies are perhaps the hardest types of films to recommend or warn against because even if I KNOW you, it doesn't NECESSARILY mean I'll know what makes you laugh on any given day. Poolboy made me laugh, then made me not, then made me laugh again. I think some film audiences--particularly those with a soft spot for third world country '80s action cinema--will appreciate a lot of the jokes in Poolboy simply from a movie fan point of view, even when plenty of them don't really snap as sharply as we’d like. If nothing else, you can thoroughly ravage IMDB spotting all the cameos, with everyone from Richard "Al" Karn to Ahmed "JarJar" Best popping up in small roles. 

Want more meta comedy about the making of a low budget bad film? Head on over to The Lightning Bug’s Lair for T.L. Bugg’s thoughts on …And God Spoke. It's guaranteed to have equal parts Jan Brady!

It's the Apocalypse, Charlie Brown!

Has there ever been a more misleading titled film than A Boy and His Dog? This 1975 post-apocalypse tale (based on a short story by Harlan Ellison) may call to mind images of My Dog Skip, but it has far more in common with Logan's Run, The Road and Big Fish.

If that seems like an odd combo, then you're just getting started with this weirdly wonderful little cult film. With a cast led by Don Johnson (!) and the mutt that played Tiger during the first season of The Brady Bunch (!!!!!!), L.Q. Jones'  A Boy and His Dog is original, haunting, and sometimes, just darn adorable.

Quick Plot: In 2024, the nation is recovering (well, not really) from World War IV, a five day nuclear skirmish that followed the 20+ World War III. Food is scarce, but fertile women are even harder to find, a troubling fact for our 18 year old hero Vic (Johnson).

Luckily enough, Vic (aka Albert) is blessed with the world’s best travel companion: Blood, a collie mix who can communicate (in a wry and engaging voiceover by Tim McIntire) via telepathy from some fancy futuristic genetic experimentation. The details are fuzzier than a dog’s tail, but we buy it because hey: it sure beats the eerie puppet mouth action in Beverly Hills Chihuahua.

Boy & Dog explore the dusty deserts without much aim, stopping occasionally to swipe some canned goods from lavish slave brigades or watch some decaying film reels at underground movie theaters reminiscent of 1970s 42nd St. coated in 9/11 dust. It’s here where our plot picks up, as Blood sniffs out an incognito female Quila (Susanne Benton) and Vic readies his guns...

...because a shootout follows. 

Although he’s expecting resistance, Vic quickly discovers Quilla isn’t the blushing maiden he’s so accustomed to raping. Somewhat intrigued by her eagerness, Vic is surprised at how hurt and angry he feels when she slips away to return home.

And what a home it is. Hidden underneath the barren wasteland of earth is “Topeka,” an artificially maintained biosphere ruled by “The Committee” of middle-aged mime-faced bureaucrats with painted smiles masking utter apathy. Executions are handed out to blankly accepting townfolk and a gigantic good ol’ boy android maintains security. Our young buck is dressed in flannel and overalls and given a special duty I won’t spoil here (although Netflix’s general description does, so for that I sentence them to the farm). Needless to say, post apocalyptic polygamy isn’t quite the blast it might appear.

A Boy and His Dog is a strange, oddly paced cult favorite that does a whole lot of interesting things in its surprisingly dense 90 minute running time. From a gritty opening landscape to the truly bizarre Topeka, it creates a new type of dystopia that’s simultaneously familiar and like nothing you've really seen. 

Perhaps what really makes Jones' film so memorable is how well it juxtaposes the tragedy of our world’s death with a playfully macabre sense of humor. VIc isn’t a nice guy--his main motivations are rape and canned goods--but Don Johnson makes him likable in a scrappy and believable way, while Tiger and McIntire succeed together at creating an actual character out of what could easily have been a cute gimmick onscreen.

I unfortunately have not read much Ellison, although I did have the pleasure of seeing him in person at a sci-fi convention about ten years ago (that’s right; I was this nerdy as a teen). Although he had mixed emotions on this adaptation,* his wry touch is felt thoughout A Boy and His Dog. That's a very good thing.

High Points

Typically, the “special appearance by” credit irks me, but if there’s one word that adequately describes Jason Robards in mime makeup, it’s special

As a former dog walker, I know that many canines don’t appreciate the high pitched “here, puppy puppy” soprano employed by eager pet lovers. Hence, the moment Quilla lapses into baby talk to lure Blood into her good graces, I laughed out loud both at the ridiculous of the situation and Blood’s amusingly dry response.

The ending, right down to the controversial pun*, feels so surprisingly right for our main characters and the world they inhabit

Low Points

The “Screamers” are a menacing and unseen presence and I don’t mind their mystery, but it also feels as though there's a whole narrative to this apocalypse we never get to know

While everything about Topeka was creepy in a bizarrely broken and forced kind of way, the min-revolution seemed rushed and poorly explained. We can infer that Quilla’s charms went fairly far, but the inclusion of two other challengers of the system felt more convenient than organic.

Lessons Learned

Always trust your dog when it comes to judging character

Being under the control of a manic slave driver isn’t fun, but stealing from one is surprisingly stress-free

Movie theater popcorn will never go out of style

Calla lilies make an elegant and surprisingly convenient wedding bouquet, particularly when you need to conceal a crow bar but don’t want to clash

****SPOILER TERRITORY***

Due to the treatment of women by Vic and the film’s final line (one of Ellison’s biggest quibbles with the changes), some have accused A Boy and His Dog of being misogynist. While there are no admirable female characters, all of the men are equally simple or morally bereft. Quilla is a nasty and devious creation, but she’s no better or worse than Robards’ totalitarian secretary or Vic’s ambivalent rapist And hey, I’d rather see a female antagonist make use of her sexuality for a masterly plotted plan than sit back and have it help her without her own consent.

***** Thus End'th Spoiler Rant****

Rent/Bury/Buy

This is a must-see for any post-apocalyptic afficionado, and a strangely entertaining treat for general sci-fi and cult movie fans. I can’t speak for the DVD as Netflix is currently offering this as an Instant Watch, but from what I’ve read on Amazon, it currently has a disappointingly bare bones release. While I heartily endorse a viewing, it may be in your best interest to take advantage of the free streaming and keep a look out for a hopefully upgraded edition in the future.