Always Have a Plan B

A pregnancy horror comedy starring Natasha Lyonne? Why would I NOT stop everything and queue it up?

Quick Plot: Lou (Lyonne) is an aimless young woman who spends most of her time drinking, drugging, or lounging about her isolated home with the occasional company of her BFF Sadie (Chloe Sevigny). After a particularly blurry bender, Lou feels bloated and sick, displaying all the typical signs one has when detecting pregnancy. But despite many a blackout, Lou is convinced she hasn't actually had sex in recent months. 

Could the stomach pains and morning sickness have anything to do with some of the drugs she's been taking from Gabriel, Sadie's bad boy boyfriend (and 13 Sins good guy lead Mark Webber)? Following the playbook of Contracted's skin-shedding protagonist, Lou tries her best to ignore her symptoms, finally accepting some help from passing mysterious lady Lorna (the always eerie Meg Tilly).

Let's start with something that is key to determining your enjoyment of this film: everyone in it is absolutely awful.

For some viewers, this is an (often understandably) automatic turnoff. Others may have the immediate instinct to say, "oh come on, they're not ALL bad" but really, no: they're all awful human beings, and that in part is the very point of Antibirth. With her daily diet of pot, vodka, donuts, and whatever pills are handed to her for free, it's a wonder Lou is still breathing on ANY day, let alone one where she's impregnated with...something. This is a movie filled with characters who throw dead baby jokes around as if they were standard conversation fodder. If that bothers you, do not, and I repeat, do not watch Antibirth.

Those with stronger stomachs/weaker filters will find something somewhat interesting, somewhat infuriating, and mostly one-of-a-kind. Ever since she slummed her way through Beverly Hills (or maybe before, when she popped by Pee-Wee's Playhouse) Natasha Lyonne has been the kind of husky-voiced, big-haired actor who typically served a very particular type in a variety of projects: the sarcastic, smoking, old-for-her-age screwup. She's front and center in that part here, and while I've personally always admired her as a performer, I will say it took me a very long time while watching Antibirth to NOT think "maybe she's better used in supporting roles."

Because like I said: Lou is terrible. She's a slob, an addict, a couch potato, and mostly, not really as fun as the movie thinks she is. I was ready to write off Antibirth in the way that most people (that weren't me) wrote off the similar in tone (and cast) #Horror, but by its end, I was mostly on board with this movie. This primarily hit towards the final act, where Lou outright acknowledges how useless she really is, a key point that makes the idea of others exploiting her finally feel wrong. 

Antibirth is written and directed by Danny Perez, a man who clearly has a very definitive grip on the style and tone of his filmmaking. I don't know that I necessarily liked Antibirth, but once it hit a certain rhythm, I was definitely curious to follow it through, and the bonkers ending definitely left me in a better place. It's not for the squeamish or those with high taste, but I think there's probably a big faction of horror fans looking for something different that might find plenty to enjoy here. 

High Points

You cannot say this is a movie without utter commitment to itself, be that its aforementioned dead baby jokes, stylish framing of the world's ickiest bowling alley, or all-out wacky gross-out monster design in its climax

Low Points

As I said a few weeks ago with my annoyance at Satanic's Coachella-craving 20somethings, sometimes it's just hard to get on board with a film when you find everyone in it so detestable. The fact that these characters are in their mid-30s actually makes it worse

Lessons Learned

Natasha Lyonne may have been born to say the name "Lorna"

On the flip side, Natasha Lyonne's gigantic curly locks were not born to bob around a fire

Meg Tilly is not to be messed with

Rent/Bury/Buy

I can't argue with anyone who hated Antibirth. This is the kind of film that has a character declare "I love pissing!" as if, I don't know, it's a funny character quirk. For a good portion of its running time, I was ready to write off Antibirth as try-hard hipster horror that wasn't nearly as clever as it thought it was. The ending, however, really helped salvage it, at least for me. It's streaming on Netflix, and I guess those interested in pregnancy horror, gross-out horror comedy, or Natasha Lyonne may certainly get something out of it. It's a middling recommend, but I think a certain type of audience may embrace it more enthusiastically. 

Kids Today & Their Darned Hashbrowns

When a movie scrolls through Instant Watch with a title like #Horror, my expectations are not high. While many of the recent social media-themed genre flicks have proven to be quite good, this one...well, this one is titled #Horror.

Never judge a movie by its titular characters.

Quick Plot: A gaggle of 12 year old girls are having a slumber party hosted by the richest and blondest of the bunch, Sofia. Sofia's father is a modern art dealer who has furnished his unique mansion with an assortment of odd pieces, including gloriously flaky wife Chloe Sevigny.

Permission to be cool has been granted.
The house itself is also a piece of modern art history, having hosted a murder spree by a Andy Warhol protogee in the '60s. Naturally, it seems to be repeating its past as a mysterious killer starts taking out some of the wealthy visitors, constantly posting crime scene photos on some kind of Candy Crush-hued social media site.

That description probably makes #Horror sound like just about 85% of the movies currently streaming on Netflix Instant right now, but boy is it not. More Heathers than Hell Night, #Horror's interests lie in the dynamics of preteen female frenemyship, not a masked killer making his mark. Writer/director Tara Subkoff clearly remembers what it was like to be 12, that dangerous age where the desire to be cool could easily slaughter one’s sense of right and wrong.

This is also where many a typical horror fan may well despise #Horror. Subkoff spends more time watching the chaotic, catty interactions of its young cast trying on clothes and taking selfies than being slaughtered. A fair warning to those viewers who only watch these kinds of films for the bloodshed: you’ll probably be disappointed. For the rest of us, this is a neat, neat little flick.

Granted, I’m someone who has always been fascinated by that terrible period of teenage girldom. It’s why I was such a fan of the underrated The Sisterhood of Night, and why I’m generally always more open to any story that puts middle school females at its center. For those who were never there, being a 12 year old girl, well, pretty much sucks. Your body is changing and you can’t decide if it’s happening too fast or too slow. Boys become an entire school subject on their own. Worst of all, your friends can go from the people you trust most to the spies willing to sell you out for a better seat at the cafeteria.

Guys, don’t worry: I’m now 34 years old and happily over the horrors of the seventh grade. Then again, my generation of Tomagochi raising Generation Y-ers was still using shaky dial-up internet connections. Facebook was far, far away. Thank goodness.

In 2016, the life of a tween is different. #Horror tosses in a great deal of class wars for added measure, and while it could be alienating for many an audience member, the poor little rich girl trick works here (and not just because it gives us tons of interior design porn). There’s a genuinely real moment when the girls put away their cell phones and have what might be their first human conversation with each other, discussing their various demons (neglectful parents, eating disorders, etc.) in an honest, realistic way. Again, I doubt many a casual Netflix scroller wants that out of something sold as a slasher, but if you’re open to it, it’s well-written, well-acted, and much-needed.

High Points
Not to sound like a broken record about the value of seeing more female directors in the horror industry, but Subkoff more than supports that cry. This is a film so clearly made by a very distinct voice, and while not all of it works, it's genuinely refreshing to feel Subkoff's energy onscreen

Low Points
One character is teased to have quite a complex history, and in part because that history involves Natasha Lyonne, it's a minor quibble that we don't get more of it

Lessons Learned
A joke is only mean if the audience doesn’t laugh

Fat people exist to be funny

Eating a lot of chicken may bring on early menstruation

Rent/Bury/Buy

#Horror is almost more pop art than straightforward genre, and I for one have no problem with that. Most viewers will probably know within the first 10 minutes whether this is right for them. If you find it insufferable early on, bail out and pull up something else. There are hundreds of standard And Then There Were None-style gorefests made for the typical horror audience. For the random minority like me who always want to see a story told from a different angle, this is a treat.