Nerd Alert! Ghoulish Stories Vol. 1

Is there any art form more underrated than the short story horror compilation? Much like film anthologies, there's just something vastly entertaining about a good collection of 20-50 page tales, almost as if it was a medium specifically designed to create and complete a nightmare.

Hence it makes some pretty good sense that Greg Ansin and Michael Neel, creators of 2009's Drive-In Horror Show, would transfer their film skills to the page in that compact format. Ghoulish Stories (Volume 1) includes eight original horror stories ranging vastly in style from a modern tech-inspired tale to a delightfully demented romance. With a title like "Trampoline Chainsaw Lovers," the latter is easily the happiest piece, filled with some vivid characters and a genuinely sweet relationship at its core.

"iThink the App" starts things off with a quick-moving saga of technology run amuck as a hot new social app encourages users to do whatever it suggests. It doesn't take long before mass murder becomes one of those activities. While the subject matter feels a little common, the pacing is key, particularly for the anthology's introductory story.

In "The Crawlspace," a brother and sister discover some unsettling secrets lurking in their basement. Much like The Closet, Drive-In Horror Show's best segment, "The Crawlspace"'s strengths lie in its young characters. The same can be said of "The Freak", the story that's probably easiest to see filmed. A likable kid ends up with the worst possible summer when his pals decide to prank the town's legendary hermit. Naturally, this doesn't end with a Sandlot-esque resolution involving happy baseball mementos. 

Two of the more grounded stories, "Blackout" and "Two Drop Donuts," have a ready-made Tales From the Crypt tone in building sympathetic protagonists only to mix in some deep hues of moral shadiness. "Blackout" has some excellent atmosphere buildup, while "Two Drop Donuts" treads a somewhat predictable path. Still, if you don't finish the book craving a specially infused pastry, then I long for your willpower.

The most epic story is "Plastic Island." A trio of military divers takes their submarine deep below chartered territory only to discover the future is literally built on garbage. It's the longest piece in Ghoulish Stories, and suffers a little in its early pages with character buildup that feels like too much exposition. Once our team reaches the titular locale however, the action picks up quickly with some truly horrific post-apocalyptic tribal terror. Ultimately, it's a fresh take on a popular storytelling subject, going places that you don't quite expect.

My personal favorite is easily "Nightmare Cards", a high concept tale that feels like a passionate quickie marriage between Freddy Krueger and Pokeman. Ansin and Neel's imagination gets to go to extremes as a variety of monsters (ranging from a sack-wearing axeman to a well-coiffed gentleman) orchestrate creatively violent dreams for children. The visual possibilities leap off the page, making me as a reader long to see a comic book or animated adaptation.

Ghoulish Stories is available in hard copy or digital form, and includes a few illustrations in its appendix to match each story. While some stories are stronger than others, they're all well worth a read, creating gleefully horrible worlds where some considerably awful things can happen. As horror fans, is there anything we want more?

Contest Results!

I ran a contest!

And in true Doll’s House tradition, I was extremely tardy with delivering  the results. But there’s a kicker to all my laziness, and that kicker means everyone’s a winner!

Due to the generosity of Drive-In Horrorshow/Infinite Santa 8000 team Grimm Pictures, I’ve got more than enough swag to go around. And since a lucky seven readers had the dedication and good taste to put down the Christmas cookies and take a break from caroling long enough to send in entries, each will receive a special package with a few goodies mailed their way.

Best of all (for me) is the ring of recommendations I got for next year’s Decemberstravaganza! Here they are, starting with the one and only man behind Not This Time, Nayland Smith, Chris Hewson:

My favourite Christmas-based film is the action/sci-fi, Trancers (aka Future Cop). It's a fun action film that, other than having a kickass protag (Tim Thomerson as JACK DETH) it's brisk and has a quick pace at only 75 minutes long. Other points are that it has a fight between zombie (kinda)-Santa and JACK DETH, and that its four sequels are just as entertaining! The sequels are ALL insane amounts of fun! And the series has a kickass theme tune too!

--While I’ve delved into Dollman like any short Bronxite, I confess to never actually watching Thomerson’s other big franchise. Now that I know it has at least something to do with Christmas, I fully expect to put it on December’s calendar.

Up next is Nicole, aka the Living Dead Girl with something more cuddly: 

Okay I thought about using any number of Christmas themed horror flicks that I enjoyed (Santa's Slay, if you haven't seen it, rocks way harder than I'd have imagined. I'm not saying it's a GOOD movie, but it's bad in all the best ways and a lot of fun. And I have an addiction to lengthy parenthetical asides. Sorry about that.) but that would be disingenuous. Truth be told, while most of the time the more bare tits, terror, chainsaws, creepy Japanese ghost kids and blood the better... at Christmas there's one movie that warms my orange and black little heart like no other. And that movie is...

Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas 

(STOP JUDGING ME!)

It's got ridiculously cute little characters (Jim Henson did it so Kermit makes an appearance at the beginning but then Emmet, Ma and the gang take center stage), a song which includes the lyric "They made curtains and handkerchiefs and clothing for the poooor... from the one bathing suit that your grandma otter wooooore!", a jugband song that will NEVER be out of your head once you hear it. That little movie is comfort food for my soul. I LOVE it.

Sorry I went over the 2-3 sentences suggestion. If it helps my chances any, I have a drawer filled mostly with googly eyes, condoms and Pez (so clearly, I'm just not right) and my Cockatiel, Foofer, hopes I'll win. 

Thanks and Merry Cthulhumas! May you be eaten last.

P.S. Coming in at a painfully close second is A Garfield Christmas. 

Dear Nicole, never in my life would I judge thee for choosing ANYTHING Jim Henson related. I only caught Emmet Otter this past year when it magically landed on Netflix Instant (along with the equally tear-inducing Christmas Toy) and my goodness, everything you say is true to the extreme. The Paul Williams' songs are incredible and I almost hate you for getting Ain't No Hole In a Washtub stuck back in my head. It's a sweet, moving, and painfully adorable tale that I only regret not watching for the past 29 Christmases! 

And now we move onto an ace pick from Chris Love:

To answer the question posed on your blog "What is your favorite December holiday film and why", I will say it's Christmas Evil (a.k.a. You Better Watch Out). The idea of a man so obsessed with the holiday that he actually takes on the persona of Santa Claus throughout the year to me is both extremely creepy, and somewhat heartfelt at the same time due to Brandon Maggart's portrayal of the holiday obsessed man not being one note. While yeah, he does do bad things, you can understand where he's coming from, and you actually start rooting for him. It's his acting that takes a story that's pretty silly and elevates it into something great. Plus, that totally out there ending is a thing of beauty!

And I will say this... Silent Night Deadly Night 2? My second favorite holiday horror film of all time (no lie!). Sure, Garbage Day! is an awesome sequence, but when Ricky kills the blonde douchebag with the jumper cables, then his girlfriend starts yelling at him? Awesome-ness! "Punish!" "Uh-oh!" :)

Chris, be still my heart. As my old review of Christmas Evil shows, I absolutely adore that film. It's truly a special entry into the holiday horror canon, with a wonderful central performance and heartfelt theme. And "uh-oh" remains one of the best reactions to watching your boyfriend electrocute your ex-boyfriend ever captured on camera!

Moving onto more intentionally comedic films, Aaron of The Death Rattle and keeper of the Gentlemen's Blog to Midnite Cinema asks us to put a little love in our hearts:

My favorite holiday/Christmas film frequently changes and I don't have a mandatory film that I watch during the holiday season, but right now my favorite is Scrooged, starring Bill Murray; it's always been a favorite of mine, I love the feel-good breaking the fourth wall ending, and it's the movie that I'll be watching at some point on or around Christmas this year. I'm thinking a double feature of Scrooged and Santa's Slay (another favorite). Thanks!

Ah Aaron, I can't get through December without watching Carol Kane beat the chiffon out of Bill Murray. Funny to see so much love for Santa's Slay, a film I was fairly underwhelmed by a few years back because I felt it tried a touch too hard. Perhaps Christmas 2012 will be a chance to revisit and see if my opinions change, providing the world is still spinning by then. 

Keeping it in the comedic vein is everyone's favorite cannibal, Mattsuzaka of Chuck Norris Ate My Baby. In his words:

After some serious internal debate, my answer is Gremlins. Gremlins narrowly beats out A Christmas Story as my favorite Holiday/December thingy movie because it has so many things that I love: Christmas, snow, Phoebe Cates (sigh), monsters, humor, horror, old Asian men, and Dick Miller.     

Nothing to argue with there! Gremlins is the kind of film I sit down for every few years, and it never gets tired. As dark as comedy can get while still being funny, yet still packed with genuine scares...plus, let's face it, the cutest li'l creature to grace our screens in the '80s:

It's almost illegally adorable!

Staying firmly in the '80s is Craig's vote for the only film that I know of to combine Christmas elves with Nazi medical experimentation:

I am sure someone has already submitted this, but...

because traditional Christmas recycles the same tired mythology over and over (fat man in suit with toys, reindeer, Grither, zzz).  ELVES incorporates all other elements of import to Western civilization like how to chain-smoke with a beard, abusive TV MILFs, and elf-science Nazis.  Everything that you need to know to be a good citizen is in ELVES.  They should just screen it for community college students, cancel the next two years of classes, and send them off to be paleontologists and English teachers and shit.  The money saved could fill the Medicare donut hole!

But, really, EMMET OTTER'S JUG BAND CHRISTMAS should win this. And your blog is AWESOME...

Oh Craig, flattery is always appreciated (P.S.: remind me who to make that check out to). I haven't seen Elves since I was but a wee elf myself, but just about everything you said about it makes me think I NEED to rewatch it if I want to be a better person. Maybe I'll carefully time it for this coming early December so as to clean my slate in time for a Santa visit. 

Lastly but in no ways leastly is Ron's puntastic explanation for one of cinema's first real slashers:

Hello and please AXE-CEPT (I know corny as hell)  my comment entry into the 'An Infinite (Kinda) Giveaway!  Fangs for the opportunity! (I know, I know...another lame pun/play on words...I probably already disqualified myself and and lost the contest in advance)! But here's my entry nonetheless" 

For me, I really love the work of the late, great Bob Clark, a man who had such varied aplomb in the language of film that he successfully made two of the most diametrically opposed Christmas films of all time...BLACK CHRISTMAS (1974) and A CHRISTMAS STORY (1983). While most are no doubt familiar with the latter, it's Clark's BLACK CHRISTMAS, for me! The precursor to the American slasher subgenre, that is bestowed the highest gift on my Christmas film favorites list. Abominable remake aside, BLACK CHRISTMAS not only set the bar, it pretty much authored the rules of the game. A lone stalker, identified through shaky POV shots, taunts and tortures a harem of sorority girls. Sound familiar? A harasser calling from inside the house? Banging any chimes? Thing is, aside from the pioneering, the film is actually anchored by good storytelling and solid performances from good actors. Keir Dullea, Margot Kidder, John Saxon...these are pros' pros...and what could easily be cast aside as B-movie pabulum actually turns out to be something far greater! At least for me, and I'm sure, thousands of other horror fans!

Have a Horrifically Wonderful  AXE-MAS ...ahem... X-MAS!  :-)

You know, I realized this year--and Ron's explanation certainly helps confirm it--that I REALLY need to give Black Christmas another go. I've only watched it one time, on a small computer screen with poor audio. Perhaps the time hath come to revisit one of the genre's most important--and yet in many ways, underappreciated--gems.

Preferably with a drink mixed by Margot

Thanks again to everyone for the entries! Now you just have to wait for me to ride my reindeer to the post office and get mailing (note: the apocalypse might happen before that does).

An Infinite (Kinda) Giveaway

It's the season of giving, my little elves and elvettes, and thusly do I present a new giveaway here at the Doll's House! In honor of the special and weird and brilliant web series Infinite Santa, someone's getting stuff!

Who is this Santa and what's so infinite about him, you ask? Well allow the power of the Internet to tell you:

Infinite Santa 8000 is an animated web series brought to you by the power team behind Drive In Horrorshow, told in 3ish minute or so installments on www.infinitesanta.com. Aside from being awesome, it combines four of my favorite things:

1. Post-apocalyptic survival

2. Santa Claus

3. Cartoons

4. Not costing anything

EVERYBODY wins! Except the unlucky saps stuck foraging in the future. But their pain is our entertainment so Merry Christmas!

For the full ongoing series, head on over to the official website where you can watch Santa's adventures AND finally find a way around glamour shots or Hallmark shopping. The Infinite Santa Store offers a mall-full of fun stuff available for purchase, including most seasonally, kickass holiday greeting cards.

Cocreator Michael Neel has generously donated some sexy swag to lucky reader, but I'm playing Black Peter (not really, cause you know, blackface) by making you folks work for it. 

So here lies the rules!

As evidenced by my monthlong quest to focus on Christmas cinema, I'm a fan of the genre, even when it's abysmal. What I want to know: what is your favorite December holiday film and why? It doesn't have to be horror-related, and I'll try my damnest to vote on the quality of your sales pitch rather than my own movie preferences. So no, JUST because you pick Silent Night Deadly Night 2 does not guarantee you the victory.

Just send me an email at deadlydollshouse at gmail dot com with a sentence or two explaining your pick and why it's so dang special. It can be film or TV-based, Christmas or Festivas or Chanukkah or Kwanzaka or whatever it is that happens around time of year and inspired somebody with a camera to make something good. Or terribly good.

Taking a note from the cruel landlord of The Christmas That Almost Wasn't or the overly sensitive St. Nick of Rankin & Bass' Twas the Night Before Christmas, the deadline is midnight on Christmas Eve.

The prize: Some Infinite Santa goodies, plus a DVD of my choosing and whatever other random physical objects I feel worthy of stuffing in a box. And yes, that could potentially mean that if Mookie is acting particularly scratchy that day or if Joplin's possession continues to be an inconvenience, you're getting a cat.

Barring any personal or government secrets, I'll post and respond to EVERYBODY's answers once the eggnog wears off and crown a winner as I eat Christmas leftovers. Happy writeupping!

Stranded At the Drive-In HorrorShow

Ahh, the horror anthology, a sadly under-utilized subgenre that irrationally went the way of the leg warmer (and tragically enough, drive-in) when the 1990s rained its plague upon us. Browse through your Mill Creek packs and you’ll find, amongst the adorably inept Guy From Harlems and less adorably but more inept Sunbursts a handful or anthologies that easily clean your palette. On a personal note, it’s rare that a multi-story horror film leaves me totally cold because with anywhere from three to five shots, a few simply have to hit the right spot.

2010's The Drive-In HorrorShow is a cheerful throwback those days of horror yore, primarily the ‘70s and early ‘80s. Directed and co-written by Michael Neel (a horror convention pal I’ve had the honor of sharing bacon bread with), it features five stories that cover such genre tropes as rape revenge, body melting, urban legends and the tried and true slasher. The segments are framed in a post-apocalyptic future drive-in where the host, Zombie Frank, tries his bet to please ghoulishly unhappy patrons.

The first story, Pig, opens upon a frat boy glued tightly inside a bathtub as his date rape victim lords over his frozen body with a running faucet and hammer. It’s a typical morality tale aided by decent performances and some painfully gooey gore, but (MILD SPOILER ALERT) it also has a strangely straightforward storyline. On one hand, it’s oddly (and ironically) refreshing to NOT have to expect the unexpected standard short story twist so widely used in anthology pieces, but at the same time, the structure somewhat deprives its characters of any real arc.

Next comes The Closet, the first of two child-centered tales. The segment follows young Jamie, the black sheep of his crass family. While Jamie dreams of attending space camp and cleaning the kitchen, his parents moon over his overachieving tennis star sister. Everything changes when a good old fashioned monster-in-the-closet offers a hand (or more appropriately, mouth) to Jamie’s plight, slowly tearing through the household to free space and power to our young hero. It’s a fun segment with a great sense of humor (note that the first thing the newly liberated Jamie does is scrub the dining room table) that manages to be a playful exercise in cheeky black comedy. 

In Fall Apart, we meet the sympathetic Dr. Paul Mazursky, a general practitioner who despises the current state of the healthcare profession for its bureaucratic limitations. When he makes a housecall to a mysteriously ill couple, he catches their unpleasant, skin-peeling disease and finds himself suffering a far worse fate. Like Pig, Fall Apart puts some incredibly gory makeup effects on display, aided here by Larry Jay Tish’s likable performance as a man always trying to do the right thing. The segment drags a little during the middle, but ultimately offers a darker and more serious anchor to nicely balance some of the lighter segments.

Speaking of, the fourth story, The Meat Man, is easily the funniest of the bunch. Two little boys trade urban (or rather, suburban) legends of the titular carnivorous villain only to grow suspicious that their own father might be the man in question. Much like The Closet, The Meat Man benefits greatly from how it portrays its young stars, energetically getting their humor and translating it into something funny, familiar, and lively throughout its short running time.

The final story, The Watcher, takes some inspiration from Creepshow 2’s The Raft crossed with just about any backwoods-set slasher. Survivor champions Ethan Zohn and Jenna Morasca star along with two other decent-looking folks camping in the wrong part of the forest. Once the monstrous woods killer emerges, the story moves well with intense human-hunting action. It's a strong note to end on, although my personal tastes would have preferred something with the more unique quirk of the previous three tales.

High Points
Boy that budget goes far! Some of the special effects on display are painfully icky and by painful, I mean they make you think twice about ever touching anybody with the sniffles or slipping rufies to a coed


Low Points
As is the nature of all anthologies, the balance in stories isn't quite perfect, since the best meat seems reserved for the middle segments

Lessons Learned

Water damage is expensive and plumbers aren’t cheap

There’s way too much paperwork in modern medicine

Frat houses tend to keep a ready inventory of industrial strength waterproof glue on hand, perhaps to ensure football trophies can always be safely put back together in case of accidents

In today’s anti-NASA culture, space camp has a dirtier reputation than rock ‘n roll, skateboarding, Pog playing, or gang warfare ever got from your parents

Rent/Bury/Buy

The Drive-In HorrorShow is a neat little nostalgic package, one that should put a smile on horror fans raised to associate Leslie Nielsen with burying Sam Malone in sand just as much as Frank Drebin. The middle three segments offer a genuinely creative batch of laughs and ews, while the surrounding two are a little more traditional but give some impressive low budget gore. The film is now available at the official website, http://www.driveinhorrorshow.com, as well as on store shelves in those places that kind of still exist, ACTUAL STORES!

And if you're a Bostonite, why not see the film on the big screen for all of SIX DOLLARS? A certain little podcast called Outside the Cinema is presenting a very special screening this coming Saturday (July 23rd) at the Hollywood Hits Theater in Danvers, MA. Tickets are sold at the door, but you can stay up to date with the Facebook event page here.