Hello Mary Lou! It's...Urban Legends 3

As we begin the welcome process of closing down 2020, it's nice to think back to the handful of good things this year of horrors has brought us. Among them...um...my antibodies? 

Oh, and on a personal note, my rediscovery of Urban Legend and first time enjoyment of its sequels.

Quick Plot: It's prom night, 1969, and shy Mary has snagged herself a popular jock as her date. Strings are attached, as it turns out said gentleman caller and his pals are really just out to roofie a few unsuspecting seniors via some laced punch. Mary ends up dead, though if you say her name three times, you just might flash forward to 2005's Sam (a young Kate Mara), regaling her slumber party pals with some urban legend tales involving poor Bloody Mary, trapped forever in a locked treasure chest.

Turns out, Mary has been waiting 35 years to come back for her revenge, doling it out creatively on the teenage offspring of all her former classmates responsible for her fate. We've got a Final Destination 3-esque tanning bed demise, CGI spider eggs disguised as a pimple, death-by-peeing-on-an-electrical fence, and more. 

The Final Destination 3 similarities don't end there: any specific connection to the first two Urban Legend films is essentially brushed away by a "hey! I found this article on the internet about other urban legend-inspired killings." I suppose you could count the more uncomfortable ties as well: as in the first Urban Legend, a dog is killed (part 2 was kind enough to only do so in its movie within the movie) and as with Loretta Divine's Reese, the film's only black character can easily be charmed by complimenting her on her resemblance to Foxy Brown.

Directed by Pet Sematary (and Pet Sematary 2)'s Mary Lambert, Bloody Mary is clearly itself a fan of the horror genre. That's not surprising when you see that the script was cowritten by Krampus/Trick 'r Treat's Michael Dougherty. It shares some DNA of the post-Scream self-aware dead teenager flick, but also has some deep affection for older films, particularly the glorious Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II. 

The early aughts were a weird time for pop horror. Scream-infused slashers were slowly dying away, while The Ring's success made J-Horror the hot new style. Saw would burst onto the scene in 2004, bringing with it a whole new movement in nihilism and gore. Landing on DVD in 2005, Blood Mary feels in some ways like a carefully blended combination of these styles. There's dated CGI attempting bordering on silly, a ghostly dark-haired girl showing up to make faces, and a batch of beautiful young white people awaiting a truly horrid fate. 

That sounds kind of terrible, but when put together with just the right touch, it's a weirdly dumb good time.

High Points

While it's a little inconsistent, the overall tone of Bloody Mary feels just right. Teenagers are dying in bizarre and brutal ways, but, well, most of them are kind of awful to begin with, and Lambert's touch feels like it carries just the right weight to make the deaths land in decent taste (yes, I realize I'm saying high school students being burned to death in tanning beds or castrated by electric fences is tasteful, but some of you know what I mean)

Low Points

There's really only one relationship with any real heart, and that's Sam and her brother David. While it's refreshing to have a genuinely loving sibling bond, it also makes the ending and lack of, well, dealing with a key aspect of the ending rather unsatisfying

Lessons Learned

The most effective morning beauty routine involves wearing a perfectly matched Victoria's Secret bra and panties set and slipping into high heels before putting on your makeup

Complete confidence means nothing if your mom's a dirty alcoholic

Being isolated from your pals after watching your frenemies murdered will do wonders for the health of your hair

Look! It's- 

Pre-"I didn't even want to be in the Nightmare On Elm Street remake" Rooney Mara, Kate's little, now more famous sister as "Classroom Girl #1." Naturally, I got very distracted from the plot of Bloody Mary with my much more interesting new fantasy version of Whatever Happened to Baby Mara?

Rent/Bury/Buy

Bloody Mary is a fun time capsule of early 21st century teen horror, one that feels charmingly less hip than some of its more CW network-cast quickies. I watched it via Netflix disc (yes, I'm that old) and there's a cute making-of featurette that certainly took me back to a simpler time. It doesn't quite pack the same satisfying winks as the first Urban Legend, but it's a worthy entry into what turned out to be a surprisingly fun-filled series. 

Candy is Dandy But Killing is More Thrilling

Spoiled Candy Alert:

99% of horror anthology films rely on a twist ending. Trick ‘r Treat is no exception, as two of its four tales feature a major surprise and the other two finish with, well, less surprising surprises. Still, in discussing such a film, it’s a challenge to go into any real detail without spilling or slightly splashing the secrets or worse, tiptoeing around plot turns with less grace than an elephant in high heels. Or me in high heels (I'm not an elephant; just incredibly clumsy.) Despite all good intentions, you end up revealing far too much to those who haven’t seen the movie in question, while those who have get a reading experience that’s coyer than the president of the school celibacy club.

Hence, in respect to my limited secretive writing skills, this review is reserved for those who have seen this film. All others are encouraged to rent it (SPOILER ALERT! I just revealed the ending of my own review. I’m so meta) and come back later. Think of it as half priced candy corn purchased in November, but without the cavity inducing stickiness.

Let the SPOILING COMMENCE!

Quick Plot: It’s Halloween in North America’s coolest town, a suburban paradise that seems to mandate every house carve a jack-o-lantern and attractive person attend an outdoor kegger. After a ho-hum prologue about a tired couple low in holiday spirit, the action kicks in with four stories loosely connected by place, character, and candy.

Our first tale stars the secret thespian weapon that is Dylan Baker as a suit-wearing Ned Flandersish citizen who doesn’t approve of fat kids stealing chocolate. Director Michael Dougherty builds a wickedly macabre tone that toes a licorice-thin line between black comedy and mean-spirited horror. Especially effective is the slow reveal of Baker’s character. We know as soon as he approaches the tubby pumpkin smasher that he means bad news, but it’s jarring to hear him called “Principal” and even more frightening to discover his moppet son. Wilkins, however, proves himself a fine father by not only spending quality time bonding over arts & crafts, but also insisting the little redhead get his fill of It’s the It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! It’s a promising start that ends with a perfectly played bang.

Meanwhile, a round of townspeople and tourists are introduced throughout and in between each tale, later to pop up as major characters in their own stories. It’s an innovative method to plot an anthology and wisely helps Trick R Treat avoid the inevitable one-story-drags-the-rest-down formula of most others in the genre. Most importantly, it confines the action to one specific location with what I assume must be competing with Sunnydale for lowest real estate rates in the Western world.

Story 2 follows a group of trouble raising trick-or-treaters who plan to prank the local idiot savant/pumpkin Picasso by digging up an urban (or suburban) legend in an abandoned rock quarry. The setup is brilliant and it’s in the story-within-a-story that Trick R Treat shines. Everything from the costume choices to the actual theme of parents discarding their deformed children was truly upsetting. Unfortunately, the surrounding tale simply doesn’t live up to its interior potential...especially since the nighttime lack of lighting lets us barely see the return of the school bus victims.

Next, we move to the big bash to focus on a few deceptively dense Halloween sluts, the kind who manage to annually piss me off by putting whorish spins on random costumes not meant for sexiness (seriously: who wants to fantasize about female Freddy Krueger? Guys who dig female child molesters in fedoras?). Virginal Anna Paquin pops her cherry with a bloody bite of Baker’s principal, revealing herself and her sisters to be hot werewolves. The twist was juicy enough to justify the tale, but I personally was a tad underwhelmed, proving once again that I’m insanely immune to lycanthropy. Still, the segment works to balance out Trick 'r Treat by including a perfect dose of sensuality and surprise. It's fun in a Tales From the Darkside spirit, which is pretty perfect for the overall tone of the film.

Finally, we follow the sack masked little boy who had been slipping in and out of the earlier three stories. Sam, as he’s known outside the film, is a wonderfully haunting creature that will deservedly find himself on t-shirts and action figures. He couldn't ask for a worthier a foe than the original Hannibal Lector himself, Brian Cox. There's something about the interior chase that goes on a tad too long to completely deliver on its early suspense, but the payoff is rewarding, even if the second turn is hardly a surprise.

So, which camp of Trick 'r Treat viewers do I fall into, those who have dubbed it the next coming of fear or the ones who found it as innovative as dressing like a witch on Halloween? Well, I liked the movie. Normally, if I’m planning on reviewing a film, I’ll keep my computer on and jot down stray thoughts. That never happened this time because I was totally involved in the onscreen action for the full runtime. There was no so-bad-I-have-to-remember these lines moments and anything I liked was strong enought that I knew it wouldn’t be forgotten by the time I sat down to write out my thoughts. It’s possibly the tightest anthology I’ve ever seen.

But is it great, wonderful, amzaing, the best horror film in years? I’d say not. It has its moments--bus crash, Sam's strolls--it has its power tools--Baker, Cox--and it’s tied together both by impressive scripting and a polished horror look. Had I seen this film a month before it was dipped in gold by the genre community, I’d be signing its praise to anone with a wallet and DVD player. After the early October reviews, however, I can’t help but feel a tad underwhelmed or rather, just not overwhelmed. It’s not to say I didn’t genuinely enjoy Trick'r Treat and won’t watch it again. I did and I will. But I’m just quite ready to make babies with the DVD case.

High Points
The dynamic score can be a tad overbearing at times, but ultimately pays off for every moment that it's needed


While I'm not always a big fan of comic book place panels onscreen, the opening credits are a great mood setter, especially since they bring me back to my own days of trick-or-treating long enough to receive the occasional religious booklet that read like an E.C. Comics take on the rapture


You have to admire the tightness of the intertwined action. It never feels forced, nor does it call attention to itself. Maybe you'd notice that the clown trick-or-treaters scared by Cox's bull terrier were the same kids who ran away at the sight of Emma's undercover slashing. Maybe you wouldn't. It doesn't take anything away, but catching the little connections certainly does add a nice layer of frosting to a nice cupcake of a film

Low Points
The aforementioned physical darkness of some of the segments blurs the action here and there, leaving someone sans Blu Ray or an HD TV squinting to catch all the action

As much as I love the bus massacre scene, it left one glaring question that took something away from the tale: what was the bus driver going to do with the bus and its children? I imagine he was set to crash it and hop out in time, and essentially, that happened. So what actually went wrong with the plan?

Lessons Learned

All pumpkin abusers will be slaughtered

A lollipop is not a toy... unless your playtime involves murder, at which point it's both useful and tasty

Suggesting your girlfriend dress like a boxy robot will make her feel inadequate and bitchy

Werewolf turn-ons include fake vampire teeth and elf ears

Rent/Bury/Buy

Considering the surprising lack of Halloween-themed films, Trick 'r Treat is probably a solid investment for an annual pumpkin fix. Unfortunately, all the extras seem to have been reserved exclusively for the Blu Ray edition. My Netflix DVD’s sole special feature was the wonderful animated short that inspired the film’s full length flesh out. This isn’t the best film you’ll see all year, but it’s a damn fine ride (perhaps even more fun than a hay ride, and certainly less itchy) by a director worth watching. If we’re lucky, we’ll get a similarly spirited sequel that retains its style but finds an even fresher approach to the stories it tells.