The Sound of Silence

It should go without saying at this point that any horror fan should be investing in a Shudder subscription. Not every new film it hosts works, but you can usually count on whatever it's pushing to at least be of interest to the genre. 

Quick Plot: Title cards inform us that the rapture has occurred, and an unspecified (but seemingly significant) amount of time later, the world is recovering by keeping quiet. One cult centers their belief system around the concept of speech being a sin. Members sever their vocal cords and occasionally make human sacrifices to a carnivorous clan of creatures known as "The Burned Ones."

Azrael (scream queen Samara Weaving) and her lover Kenan attempt to escape with varying levels of success. We follow Azrael through bloody battle in the woods, hitchhiking help down the road, and all-out destruction as she ends up back at camp. Throughout the full 90 minutes, we hear no discernible words. 

Azrael is written by The Guest (and to far lesser acclaim, Seance's) Simon Barrett, a man who's found tremendous success in low-to-mid-budget 21st century horror (though more often than not, left me pretty cold). Director E.L. Katz has played in the same circle, with Cheap Thrills and an ABCs of Death 2 credit. 

Despite a pretty specific and unique hook, Azrael doesn't really have that much going on. Weaving is unsurprisingly great in the title role, and makes a believably resourceful heroine on the run. Or so we assume? There's so little backstory or meat on the script's bone that for all we know, Azrael is a worse villain than her religious captors. Who knows?

I appreciate a lean film that doesn't have to explain itself, and on that front, Azrael is likely a satisfying watch for many a genre fan. Its action is well-staged, and it has some pretty gnarly creature design that goes a long way. I didn't dislike the process of watching the movie, but as soon as it ended, I found myself shrugging. There's simply NOTHING there in terms of weight, character, or story. 

High Points

Let it never go unsaid: Samara Weaving is a movie star. Let us all be thankful that she also seems to love the horror genre and keeps making these kinds of movies

Low Points

I know that the average film audience member is not expected to be very smart, but do we really need a flashback twenty minutes into a story? 

Lessons Learned

Rock music is the universal language of the post-rapture future

Never turn your back on a human sacrifice

Love makes us do very dumb things, such as forgetting that the tribe who raised you is very good at setting traps

Rent/Bury/Buy

Azrael doesn't really have much to say (GET IT?!), but it's a fun, efficient little ride that has just enough to make its gimmick work for its short stay. Have at it on Shudder. 

The Newlywed Game

Sometimes, you reach a point that you look at yourself with pride in recognizing how well you're living your life. Then you realize you missed the chance to spend your wedding night playing a Clue-meets-The Most Dangerous Game version of hide-and-seek and you wonder if your marriage is even valid.

Quick Plot: A gloriously chaotic prologue hints at a very deadly game of hide and seek, with young Daniel hiding his little brother Alex before all out Invasion of the Body Snatchers 1978-ing the hider, a tuxedoed groom about to meet a grisly fate.

Cut to 30 years later, when little Alex Le Domas is all grown up and getting hitched to Grace. Where Alex comes from an esteemed family who built their immense wealth on the gaming industry, Grace grew up in foster homes, never knowing what it meant to belong. Her wedding day is edgy but successful, as expensively dressed in-law after expensively dressed in-law welcomes her to her new clan.

Of course, like any marriage ritual, there are important aspects of tradition that must be honored. In the case of the Le Domas estate, no new entry into the family is accepted until he or she plays a game at the stroke of midnight. It could be an innocent round of checkers or old maid, but if the newlywed draws the “hide or seek” card, the evening gets a tad more complicated…as in, the entire family must catch the hider and sacrifice him or her to their ancestor before the sun rises.

Hey, I planned a wedding: sh*t gets intense.

Grace wastes no time accepting just how dire her situation is, and while Alex is doing his best to help save his new wife, an entire armed extended family with their own lives on the line is indeed a force to be reckoned with. Thankfully, they’re stuck using antiquated weaponry and in some cases, limited by a long day’s worth of cocaine and whiskey. Still, Grace has her work cut out for her.

For all the years of horror fans grumbling about remakes and unwanted sequels, what a fine age to be living in when we get a fairly steady flow of theatrically released genre films built on original premises. Based on a screenplay by Guy Busick and R. Christopher Murphy and directed by Southbound (and to less exciting extent, The Devil’s Due)’s Matt Bettinelli-Olpin and Tyler Gillett, Ready Or Not has a fresh energy met well by its quick pacing.

The cast certainly helps. With The Babysitter, Mayhem, and the mixed (but well-acted) Picnic At Hanging Rock miniseries to her name, Samara Weaving has quickly built a wonderfully genre-heavy resume, and with Ready Or Not, she deserves the most bloodily bedazzled crown fit for an official scream queen. We don't know much about Grace's past (or even present, marital status aside), but it's impossible not to be on her side. This is the refreshingly smart and gloriously sarcastic leading lady we deserve.

Likewise, Ready Or Not is stacked with some wonderful supporting turns. Cube's Nicky Guadagni's Aunt Helene is a glorious creation, while Melanie Scrofano's overly competitive Emilie (NOT A CHARACTER I IDENTIFY WITH AT ALL) brings a wonderfully manic energy to the proceedings. On the slightly more serious end, Adam Brody's Daniel gets a surprising arc, while Andie MacDowell's manages to create a full character history with just a few quick conversations as Grace's sympathetic-to-a-point mother-in-law. It's a genuine delight to watch this family unravel.

Ready Or Not will probably make you laugh more than jump, but it's still an incredibly satisfying genre film. For the most part, Bettinelli-Olpuin and Gillett treat the material with a smart weight. Real lives--and a family dynasty--are at stake, making most of the hunt feel heavy even when its rich, often airheaded villains end up bumbling fools. It's quite a smart tone, especially for a wide theatrical release.

High Points

Is there a contract with the devil somewhere in your antique weapons closet that keeps Samara Weaving acting in horror movies for eternity? Also, do you have a pen?

Low Points
Look, I’m not saying I didn’t laugh when the Robert Palmer-looking maids met their unlucky fates, but there is a certain level of cruelty that might have deserved a little more of a commentary

Lessons Learned
In case you’ve never seen a horror film set in a Victorian mansion, allow me to confirm that dumbwaiters are never safe spaces

Always pack a comfortable, quiet pair of sneakers for whatever may come up on your honeymoon

Never trust a wealthy child

Hide/Seek

I had a darn good time with Ready Or Not, and would encourage any horror fan who wants to support creative, quality genre fare to buy a ticket.