You Can Now Order Nebulith & Red & Pleasant Land

Here's a flip-thru of Nebulith, my new Far Eastern book.

The books are available here. The Nebulith seems to disappear at about a rate of one an hour so at the current rate they'll be gone long before Halloween, much less Christmas, so if you're thinking "I'm eventually gonna get one no matter what" probably sooner's better than later.

Everyone who has seen it (including at least three people who hate nerd stuff and don't know what it is) is like "God damn that's a nice book". Judging from the fate of all my previous RPG books, it would probably win some Ennies if it wasn't now against the rules for me to win one.

Red & Pleasant Land is also being reprinted now, available here, thanks to Molly Scanlon at Fierce Ponies.

Frostbitten & Mutilated, is still available here.

Also, some people do not know Maze of the Blue Medusa is still available here.

And Demon City, the best horror game ever written, is here. Here is a long review of it.

The 500-page Compendium is no longer available and never will be, unless you go to some extraordinary lengths. Email me--zakzsmith AT hawtmayle dawt clam--if you want to be assigned an epic quest.

Life here still completely sucks as a result of the ongoing smear campaign. The best thing to do to help is, instead of buying any of these books, get on the internet, go places you don't want to go, and fact-check a bunch of shitty people you don't want to talk to. But most people would rather spend money than do that, so ok.

Bye.

Vornheim Costs 170 Bucks Now

So, yeah, the first and only printing of Vornheim (a three year old book) went for 170$.

That's more than ten times the cover price for a 64-page black-and-white book. So if you're still on the fence about buying a second (or, god forbid, first) copy of 200ish page, full color, gold trimmed, embossed Red & Pleasant Land, there's one more reason.
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We Need Your Help On Vornheim 2nd Edition

While the pdf of Vornheim: the Complete City Kit is still available *, the hardcovers sold out very quickly and people have been asking after them for years.

So: finally we are shooting to have a new physical version out this winter. We want to make a few very minor tweaks--one of which is fixing typos.

The only one I already know about is that the "Where's Eshrigel?" table appears on page 11 for no reason.

If you know of any typos in Vornheim, please send 'em in. You can post them in the comments here, or e-mail me.

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*Also: if you don't have one, get one, it's award winning and stuff. Here's a detailed review.
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Pay What You Wish For Vornheim

Lamentations of the Flame Princess originally shared:

VORNHEIM 48 HOUR PAY WHAT YOU WANT SALE

Did you hear that Zak S was a consultant on the new edition of D&D? Did you hear that a free D&D basic rules PDF was released last week, and he's credited in there?

To celebrate the achievement, we've made his Vornheim PDF Pay-What-You-Want over on DriveThru/RPGNow until the World War Three episode of Doctor Who airs here in Finland! (15:10 Finnish time Wednesday)

Vornheim, if you didn't know, is the award-winning RPG supplement that details both the city of Vornheim (featured on the webshow I Hit It With My Axe) and a plethora of tools to make running improv city adventures a breeze!

Vornheim won the 2012 IndieCade Best Technology award!

Vornheim won the Golden Crown Award for Best Supplement for a Role Playing Game... FOR THE WHOLE DECADE!

Vornheim won the 2011 DieHardGameFan Award for Best Campaign Setting!

Vornheim was also nominated for the Diana Jones Award for Excellence in Gaming shortlist in 2012, and was also an honorable mention for the 2012 ENNIE Award for Best Aid/Accessory!

Don't believe in stuffy awards? Well listen to what fellow industry professionals have to say about Zak:

"...hearing what human garbage like Zak S has to say can provide useful context."

- Paul "Ettin" Matijevic, RPG.net moderator

"Folks, seriously. This hobby's already bad enough. It's no big surprise when someone like Zak S or James Raggi or whoever else does these kinds of things, they're open about how toxic they are."

-Mikan (Fünhaver Games)

"(Fuck Zak)"

-Tracy Hurley (Former Wizards of the Coast D&D Columnist)

"I say this as someone who actively hates Zak (something I don't say about many people), like I really think he should self-eject from this planet."

--Fred Hicks (Evil Hat Productions)

You can't buy better endorsements than those, so click the link and Pay What You Want for Vornheim!

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FROTHY OFFER: WIN VOMIT!

Former Toffy With Vino!

Fifth Ivory Wormy Often!

Wintry Hoof Vim Effort!

Forfeit Ivy Mown Froth!

Verify Onto Fifth Worm!

Refortify if Vow Month!

Vornheim for Two Fifty!

What costs 2.50$ ? That's less than one High Life.

The PDF of Vornheim--that city book I put out: 2.50$.

As is Qelong (best southeast asian D&D supplement ever, best map ever) and Seclusium (best Vincent Baker thing ever) and Carcosa (best and most useful hexcrawl-product ever).

For the price of this:

...you can get pretty much everything LOTFP ever put out.

Lots of rules and terribleness, cheap for the holidays.
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Vornheim, Stonehell, Eldritch Weirdness, The God That Crawls, Warm Inner Glow

The Bundle Of Holding has packaged up some DIY D&D classics--and that thing I wrote--to sell them to you and help those in need while doing it.

In order to get Vornheim you have to pay more than average for the bundle--so more than like 12 bucks or so at the moment. But the faster you do it, the cheaper it is.

Also in the bundle:

Swords & Wizardry and Adventurer Conqueror King (no need to pick your clone! Mash 'em up)

Matt Finch's Eldritch Weirdness (the most inventive and inspiring collection of spells the Old School's produced)

Tomb Of The Iron God (also by Matt Finch so probably awesome)

Stonehell (the only big dungeon you can actually use at the table!)

The God That Crawls (cute map tricks and bad blobs!)

and more...

So, yeah, if you've ever had any interest in any of this stuff, I recommend doing it now, while it's cheap and helps people with cancer and feeds the homeless.

Only 4 days left...

And now, the best promo video in the history of selling stuff

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Three Neat Things Thursday and Devildog Slaughterfist

-So over at Tales of the Grotesque and Dungeonesque, Jack put together a d100 table of interesting rituals to use in Carcosa, your Cosmic Odyssey reskin, Call of Cthulhu, or anyplace else you need the villains driven to obscure behavior by nefarious motives. His Oulipian constraint was to avoid all the ritual cliches.

You must fashion a mask from the combined skins of a mammal, an amphibian, and a bird. The mask will be worn only during the first part of the ritual; after this the mask must be consumed by the sorcerer before the ritual can continue.

-Bryan M. automated my d100 war dogs table--making the shopping part of your game that much faster.

-That RPG book I wrote won best RPG supplement of the last 10 years over at UK Role Players, beating out some heavy competition.

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And just because I scanned it for later reference and why not, here's Devildog Slaughterfist, level 1 thief...

Character sheets designed by my GM Kirin Old School Hack Robinson

Last thursday's diary entry reads...

Dear Diary: Went to Rappan Atthuk today with one hit point, left with one hit point, 250 gp, a magic arrow, a serrated gnoll sword and one leg.

We'll see if we can make it another day....

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go find some graph paper...

Dueling Rules + Available Vornheim Hardcopies

FIRST THING...

It's getting pretty hard to find a physical copy of my RPG book, Vornheim: The Complete City Kit. This is nice because it means people want them but it's a drag because that book was designed to work best as a physical book.

You can't get them from the publisher any more, but here are a few distributors that still have hard copies:

Indie Press Revolution

FRP Games

Paizo

CoolStuffInc

And these guys in Europe...

There you go.

Lemme know if you know any place else that has one or if any of these sell out.

PDFs, as usual, available here.

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SECOND THING...

DUELING RULES:

DUELS

While the standard combat system works well for the kinds of battles that usually come up in a game, it can be a little abstract for describing blow-by-blow fights with only two characters involved. These optional rules can be used to add grit and texture to formal conflict between paired combatants.

-Combat begins and proceeds as normal, remembering that either party may surrender at any time, however...

-When dueling, a character may drop no lower than zero hit points.

-At zero hit points, the character may still act normally but each successful hit inflicted by the enemy on a character already at zero inflicts an injury from the Dueling Injuries table below in lieu of hit point damage.

-If a character takes the same injury twice (i.e. the same number is rolled twice during the same duel) that character is unconscious (or dead, depending on what the local rules are). This is why the injury table is short--while a longer one might provide more room for various entertainingly grisly injuries, this one is designed to keep duels to a reasonable length and to keep each roll of the dice near the end of a duel feeling tense.

-Feel free to assume that "ordinary" magical healing after the duel will remove the mechanical effects of any dueling injury. However: whether the injuries leave scars on the affected parts of either combatant and what these scars look like is entirely up to the player controlling the winner of the duel. That is, if the winner decides that the wound to her own character's left eye leaves a scar like a dagger and the scar on her opponent's leg looks like a hippopotamus with butterfly wings, then that's what it looks like. So don't lose.

Duelling Injuries

1-Eye (-2 to anything involving seeing)

2-Left arm (or "off" arm) (-1 to most tasks)

3-Right arm (or favored arm) (-2 to most tasks)

4-Right leg (move at 50%, always lose initiative)

5-Left leg (move at 50%, always lose initiative)

6-Weapon or other worn item (attackers choice) destroyed

Acceptance Speech, Orc-Fightin' Girl, Etc

So I was at the Indiecade festival all day explaining what this book I wrote had to do with games all day long.

Notes:

1. The thing I hear most at Indiecade is "Vornheim? Oh yeah, your acceptance speech was funny.".

2. Dear 8-Year-Old Girl Who Wanted To Learn About Dungeons And Dragons...

...Mandy tells me you won initiative, rolled a 20 your first time, then defeated two orcs and tied them up and then asked Mandy if they had stuff you could take. Your instincts are impeccable.

3. Dear World-Building Panel, sorry I didn't make it, I thought I was supposed to be on you at 10 PM.

4. Dear All The People I Met Today Who Want To Buy A Copy of Vornheim--click on the picture over there on the right. If they're sold out, try here or here or your friendly local game store.

The International Festival of Independent Games Is Weird And I Am There

At Indiecade....

So are you a game developer?

Um, well, kinda, I wrote umm...well ok have you ever played Dungeons & Dragons?

Yeah.

Well I actually wrote a book...
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There was a lot of that.

Also: snacks.

Then one guy told me about a video game he wrote where you play the pilot of an unmanned assassination drone and another guy told me he wrote a video game about having a cart.

There was a red carpet which was remarkably like the Adult Video Awards carpet except they asked me about my D&D book instead of asking Mandy about boobs. Also probably there is not now a thread with 900 people complaining about how Mandy's dressed in the photos taken on said carpet.

Then there was Felicia Day who I am told by Mandy and Izzy is an important game person and she told jokes on a stage and introduced more game people.

There was a lot of bantering and cheering for things I think were games I never heard of like someone would say "Trains!" and then people would be all YAY TRAINS! And I guess that there is a game called Trains, about which I know nothing except it appears to be somewhat unambitiously named.

There was a lot of "Have you heard about 'Blink'?" No "Smop?" No "Smiggle Wars?" No... Well I worked on Smop last year and this year I am doing Smiggle Wars II. Ok.

Then there was awards in categories...

Visuals
Game Design
Story/World Design
Audio
Interaction
Special Recognition 
Impact

Technology

And Vornheim gets the award for...

Technology.

Technology?

According to the site: 

The craft of game development is inseparable from the medium in which it exists. This award honors the use of the medium to create an expression that simply couldn’t have been possible otherwise. A iPad game that leverages multi-touch input as an integral aspect of the experience, or a game that builds upon a computer’s processing abilities to make a digital work that wouldn’t be possible otherwise, this award honors bold and unexpected experiments with the affordances of the medium that transform technology to magic. 

Well alright then.

You heard that right, buddy: MAGIC. 

So, Vornheim:

Lost the OSR's 3 Castles award to Stars Without Number, lost the Diana Jones award to LARPing Swedes, lost the Ennies to a bunch of dungeon tiles, and beat a bunch of video games using 3d rendering, lasers, projections, touch screens and Kinect hardware for a technology award.

Also, they tell me: the vote was unanimous.

I gave a brief acceptance speech wherein I apologized to all the computer programmers and offered to switch awards with them.

Go figure.

p.s. Buy the book it has magical powers.

Watch me fidget a lot

Interview about game stuff.

Also: Trigger warning, brief discussions of necrobestiality and related topics as well as a great deal of me going "It's like, y'know...".

This Was Their First Day In Vornheim

From Jack on G+

"

Had the greatest Dungeon Crawl Classics session in existence with Matt R and twins who hadn't played RPG's before. I have to write this whole thing out.

It started at the Beuracradome, which is a public arena where the big political players fight to decide the laws of Vornheim. Whenever someone disagrees with your policy, you both elect champions to fight - good arguments give bonuses to your champion's AC and Damage. Whoever wins forms the precedent.

The party had been refused some sweet armour by the church of Tittivallia so they were afire with righteous anger about the status quo. (The party elf needed a suit to stop the city's fatally iron-rich smog, but the church was using all their salvation suits against the flesh plague). The party warrior jumps down into the arena unannounced and starts laying into the leaders of Vornheim about their petty feuds, using the greatest speech. When they ask him his name he goes "I am... the Common Man!" (Actual name: Stoner).

The peasant audience goes wild, the nobles get furious. The regent challenges him with a breach of court and goes into the depths of the Beuracradome to get a frost giant champion that would crush him. Luckily, the party thief shadows him and sabotages the elevator to trap him in the Frost Giant's room. When the regent doesn't show, he forfeits and Stoner can get on to the argument proper.

He starts up an even better tirade against the church of Vorn- challenging him out for not helping Tittivallia fight the Flesh Plague. "We cannot sacrifice resources -" spits the Vorn Pope, and he answers "Is not sacrifice sacred in the eyes of Vorn? Do you consider yourself... ABOVE HIM?!" The peasant crowd's idolizing him like a folk hero now (His 0-level occupation was astrologer, too, so this guy is seriously some kind of warrior-poet).

The Pope is screaming "My champion is Vorn! We will see who is sacred in his eyes!" and Stoner strikes a pose and yells "My champion is... The people of Vornheim!"

Suddenly the whole place goes silent. The announcer stammers "Our next challenge... the great god Vorn VS. the People of Vornheim!" Sudden torrential red rain starts up and the ground starts moving and a giant iron face is barely visible moving down through the rain and everyone starts screaming.

So Sodom and Gomorrah is happening, and the PC's decide the best way to stop it is to go up to very top of the city and bargain with Vorn. Vornheim has two giant towers that look like massive outstretched hands in the middle of the city - the Palace Massive (with the Beuracradome) and the Eminent Cathedral (With the church of Vorn).

The thief (Cray the Slave) goes up the Eminent cathedral, and fights through all the crisis-of-faith shit and throws a bunch of worshippers out of stained-glass windows and the Sister Superior's slit her wrists and he rescues a bunch of nuns and all the gaudy trappings of the corrupt church and brings them to the top of the Spire of Unspeakable Hogs.

For the Elf, the rusty rain is like burning acid, so he breaks into the box of a Elf Noble to steal his airtight Salvation Suit. He finds the noble calling "Attack! Vornheim is weak!" into a crystal and wrestles him down and steals all his clothes. He tries to reactivate the communicator and call off the invasion, but fails a magic check and breaks it.

Stoner climbs up the Palace Massive. He gets the Popess of Tittivallia to make a fleshy corpse-bridge part-way up, then ditches his plate armor so it won't slow him down and climbs up into the regents quarters in his undies. There he finds seven mirrors, each with a different side of himself (most going "OH SHIT WHAT DID WE DO?"), and the clothes of Wise Lord Thrawl, the missing ruler of Vornheim. He puts the clothes on and gets to the top.

At the top of both the spires Stoner and Cray stand in front of the hollow eyes of Vorn and make the greatest speech yet. Cray goes good cop, getting the nuns to pray, burning the gold and tapestries and going "There is not a single unbeliever left in this city." Stoner goes bad cop, like the church was terrible and Vorn was called down for petty reasons on a people who have never done anything but try and serve him. They finish and the great iron head bends down like a nod and draws back into the red haze. The rain stops, all the water floods out to stain the ground red twenty miles in every direction. The eminent cathedral shudders and twists to become totally filled with iron.

Now the city is flooded, the Flesh plague is worse than before, the elves are marching in to attack. The regent is encased in ice, the pope and almost everyone in the church of Vorn is encased in iron, and "The Common Man" was last seen standing on the top of the palace, turning back Vorn, dressed in the clothes of the missing ruler of Vornheim.

And that's how my PC's reached level 2.

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Note to the twins:
Yes, fighting God at first level on your first day playing is atypical.



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Anklebiters

These kids drew Displacer Beasts and other things.






















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In other news, I am going to be beaten in a contest by a concept.

Some brief notes from the road

Two search terms people used to find this blog today:

"playing d and d with pornstars biting donkeys"

"playing d and d with pornstars animal assisted arson"

If I recall my Actual Play posts correctly, neither searcher will come up empty-handed.

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A simple, weird D&D psionics system I invented at Richard Lurker's request.

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If you still do not own Vornheim here's a relatively thorough video review of that slim but throughly

fucking reviewed volume--start at 13:00.

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Our girl Satine Phoenix getting interviewed about RPGing. It's so cool to see her off running her own games and being all confident and shit and out there making Hollywood D&D friendly. Even if she does fudge on the dice. Interesting new-to-DMing POV.

Yay!

Vornheim got an award for Christmas.

Books, being inanimate and leading basically sedentary lifestyles, are pretty hard to shop for. But that'll do.

Thank you to everyone over at Diehard GameFAN.

For no reason, here's a picture of a lich:

Ok, I'm Confused

I hate to step on Raggi's toes and steal his "let's discuss this discussion" thing, but this one honestly, honestly has me baffled.

Is Vornheim really that weird?

I mean, the only real difference I can see between it and other city supplements like it is they go:

"This neighborhood has the fish market. The fish market has fish. Boats with fish on them sail in and out of this neighborhood. In the words of Granar Blazonhelm 'I smell fish, I must be in Fishinghood'. There are many adventures to be had in this place--you might not realize it, but boats can be exciting! Sometimes there are things on boats in addition to fish! Like cargo! Cargo comes into this fishing neighborhood from all over Worldimadeuppia, from as far as Vaguelysketchedoutjapanequivalentium. NPCs you might meet in this neighborhood include people who sell fish, people who buy fish, people who pilot boats, people who are riding on boats and people who fix boats. Here's a picture of a boat."

And I don't.

If there is something actually confusing about the book--let me know. If I ever do anything other RPG stuff I'll change it.

"You Are Listening To Me Talk"

Here I am on the Save or Die Podcast.

Is it interesting? Maybe!!!!

Here are the rest of the interviews I've done on game podcasts, with and without James Raggi...

Dungeons and Donuts
The Game's The Thing(including my favorite James Raggi interview material ever)
Gamer's Haven(w/funny photo of me from the New York Times)
All Games Considered (with Kimberly, Satine and Mandy)
Yellow Menace (with Mandy)
RPGCircus (with Mandy)

Random Notes With Jetlag

Hey...

So here's a strictly utilitarian post:

-Vornheim Contest Winners I haven't forgotten you. I am just getting things settled 'cause I'm here in Montreal for the moment. Be getting your prizes to you as soon as I am free and you email me saying which ones you want.

-Constantcon fans, note that the Google + game calendar on this here page (on the right there) has been changed to Eastern Standard Time, since I myself have changed to Eastern Standard Time. Some cool stuff going on this week including Gigacrawler and James Q starting a series of old TSR modules.

-Kenneth Hite waxes audiopoetic on Vornheim: The Complete City Kit over on This Just In...From Gen Con

-As long as I'm pointlessly hocking my book to a bunch of people who probably already own it I would be pretending to be more modest than I actually am if I did not point out that Jeff rather dubiously claims it's an achievement comparable to blowing up the Death Star.

-Played a lot of games lately, but the only one that wasn't basically just D&D was playing Empire of the Petal Throne for the first time courtesy of ckutalik. Which was basically D&D. (In a good way.) The sophisticated/barbaric/exotic southern hemisphere atmospherics were all there and operative (reminds of me of William Burroughs and JL Borges more than I expected. but everything does, I guess.) but, really, anybody who says you need a linguistics degree to grasp or play in this setting is just hanging out in the mezzanine flinging peanuts. It's a game, it has a setting, you fight things, it's fun. Recommended.

Use This Stuff, It's Good, I Know I'm Gonna

So, the judging of the "Vornheim: Hack This Book" contest is complete. It really was harder to judge than I expected--I promise I'm not just saying that: I decided if I'm going to use a given table or hack, it has to win a prize. So more people won prizes than I expected. If there is ever a second edition of the book, I will try to get some of this material into it. Seriously.
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Let's start with the 5-way tie for third place:

-Kiel Chenier's "Random Tavern Entertainment" table should liven up your local dive and maybe give you some plot hooks on the way;

-Marquis de Carabas' re-skinned a huge chunk of Vornheim for use in a modern day “Vampire: The Masquerade” setting. Although I don't play Vampire probably somebody who reads this does--and it's hard to imagine them not finding at least some of his massive pdf useful--so he gets a prize;

-Next, the indefatigable wrathofzombies deserves a prize for his gruesome and inspiring "Grave Diggin'" table, perfect for those times when neither you nor your players knows what's supposed to be in that coffin;

-Adam's "Random Criminals" table gives you about 100 more (slightly neurotic) NPCs to play with;

-Steve of Bevedog's "Vornheim Communication Networks" is the kind of thing I wish I'd thought of when I wrote the book. And now, thanks to him, I have the opportunity to pretend I did.
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Now, second place goes to Jeremy Duncan's "Rival adventuring Parties" and "Rural Innn/Tavern" tables, which are interesting and thorough enough that a lazy GM could probably get a whole session of adventures out of them without much effort.
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And first place goes to Dan Voyce (quoth Connie: "That Dan Voyce is pretty creative") for his "Theater Amphisbaena" location, which I already posted and which I will be chopping to fit Vornheim Earth-Prime momentarily and also for his less-gigantic but still entirely disturbing and more-original-than-you'd-think-at-first "Nasty Little Idols" table, which I now reproduce here.

NASTY LITTLE IDOLS
By Dan Voyce (click to enlarge)If you won a prize, email me. I know you know my address because you already used it.

And Happy Birthday Gary. We still play your game.


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P.S. Wanna play via videochat? At least three DMs have posted games they will be running on the Constantcon thread already as of right now and a few more are threatening to. Check it out. (If you're interested in running or playing please do post there, not here, it'll make everybody's life way easier.)

Notes On Stuff + Only A Couple Days Left for the Hack Vornheim Contest

-Gary Gygax's birthday's coming up: July 27th. Meaning the Hack Vorheim Contest is almost over. Send in those hacks soon.

-Went down to comic con last minute (didn't expect to) with Satine for work (meetings with some people at One Of The Big 2 about maybe making something for them). Had fun at the Chessex table: didn't go in for all the shiny candy dice but did pick up: d8 result weather die, d8 random race die, d12 random class die (they make ad&d, 4e and 3.5 versions, so far as I can tell), a d12 random hit location die (not sure exactly what mechanics to use it with yet) and, most exciting, some blank dice. (This stuff mostly availble here, I think mostly. The actual Chessex site is useless.) Me and Connie and Cameraman Darren had fun writing our names on the d4 and playing "if-your-name-comes-up-you-have-to-tell-a-true-story".

-Did not buy the random monster die (1-in-12-chance of getting a dragon? mmmm...not so much) or the random trap die (tempting but it's too small--really hard to read)

-other comic con notes:

Flash on a Segway. Slower than a normal man!

just like the Adult Video awards, everybody in the industry congregates at the same hotel bar every year. unlike the Adult Video awards...well, everything else.

best and/or worst possible costume not sure: large gentleman, Next Generation Trek officer's suit, Alien facehugger completely covering his face. Grinning maniacally the whole time.

some guy told me out of nowhere "hey, you should grow half a moustache!"--I look at this guy:
nametag: Scott Shaw!. I go "Holy Hell! you taught me to read!"

Boba Fett's taller in person

"Hey, this is the artist I was telling you about"
Superman editor: "Your stuff is really great. If I put you on Superman they'd crucify me, but still--amazing work"

"Excuse me, is that a costume or are you actually hot?"

D&D events all day. thought about it. thought about it. didn't.

Con begins with me getting up at 6 so my friend can stand in line to buy a new Mattel toy and ends with Justine Jolie telling the Penthouse Pet of the Year to have sex with me.

-I decided that since having half the players skype in totally works in play, I can do something I never thought I'd be able to do with all these no-regular-scheduling-logic-known-to-mankind entertainment industry types: schedule gainm unilaterally whenever I want. No scrambling around each time we wanna play to see who has work and who has to flake. If you show, you show, and if you don't I have enough other people scattered around the country who play that we'll have at least 3 PCs rain or shine any day for any game. Very excited. Super excited.