Suburbia (1983)

This is, without a doubt, the worst piece of garbage I have seen in my eighteen years of being alive. Even more shocking than the fact that this trash exists is the notion that it was well received by audiences everywhere. Even more horrifying is the idea that people are hailing it as "realistic' and "meaningful." This movie is about as "meaningful" as the alcohol-fueled rants of the legless stepmother in "Buddy Boy," a film that you should rent after I save you from watching "Suburbia."

   The "plot" follows the teenaged Evan (played by Bill Coyne, a young actor who has the charm and acting skills of a block of wood), as he escapes his alcoholic mother and runs off to squat with a bunch of punks in a derelict building. All this occurs after a pointless and terribly executed scene where a child gets torn apart by a feral dog.