Your Hate Parade

New Year's Day is when Our Nation's metaphorical testes drop, much like the Times Square ball, and we renew our committment to manliness through such brutishly heterosexual pursuits as resolving to improve our figures, sipping mimosas at brunch, and watching beauty queens wave from floats covered in rose petals. Disrupting this cycle of masculinity would make The Left happier than Pajama Boy at the Lancome counter at Macy's. Unsurprisingly, their minions are hard at work raining The Gay down on our parade:

Anti-LGBT activists and other right-wing conservatives are calling for a boycott of the 2014 Rose Parade because of a parade float that will feature the wedding of a same-sex couple.

CBS Los Angeles reported on Monday that Aubrey Loots and Danny LeClair plan to formalize their partnership of 12 years atop a float sponsored by the AIDS Health Foundation in this year’s parade.

The two will be the first same-sex couple to get married in the parade. On its Facebook Page, the foundation announced that the two men will be married on top of a float made of thousands of flowers shaped into a white wedding cake. The float will be one of 45 featured in this year’s Rose Parade, a tradition that dates back 125 years.

The depths to which these people will sink to further their perverted agenda is truly appalling. Not only are they mocking the Sacred institution of marriage, but they're even defiling our Holiest pastries! I'm pretty sure the Freedom of assembly guarantees me the right not to see two dudes kissing when I go to a parade. If radical homosexual activists insist on pushing their agenda down our throats, they shouldn't be surpised to find out how resoundingly unpopular it really is. Praise Him!

Insolent Shock

One of the most effective Alinskyite tactics used by liberals is to side with thugs and hooligans when our noble law enforcement officials give them a richly deserved ass-kicking. This shameless pandering allows The Left to posture as some sort of champion of civil rights and garner more votes from special interests; meanwhile, the rule of law and respect for Traditional Values is eroded further. This war against Our Nation was plainly visible yet again this week, and there's no surprise which tribe of vicious hoodlums they were defending. If I said Halle Berry, Della Reese, and Sugar Ray Robinson were members of this exalted caste, would there be any doubt about who I was referring to? Of course not; it's diabetics:

Adam Greene is on his stomach as a pack of police officers pile on him, driving their knees into his back and wrenching his arms and legs. One officer knees him in the ribs; another kicks him in the face.

"Stop resisting," officers on the video yell, but Greene, his face pushed into the pavement, hasn't resisted. He doesn't even move -- maybe can't move -- because he's gone into diabetic shock caused by low blood sugar. ...

Greene was released without a citation, and officers apologized to him for "beating him up," the lawsuit said.

He immediately went to a hospital, where he was treated for the broken ribs and the bruises to his hands, neck, face and scalp, the lawsuit said.

Despite the liberal media's attempts to paint Mr. Greene as some sort of "victim" of police "brutality," they're only giving you half the story. You wouldn't know it from the favorable coverage the lamestream media gives "Diabetic-Americans" (as they insist on being called), but there is a pervasive culture of nihilism in the diabetes community, with the constant glorification of senseless violence and wanton sexuality promoted by gangsta rappers like Wilford Brimley.

Sadly, this incident will only be used by The Left to further undermine the Moral authority of our police officers, and it will feed into the sense of victimization many diabetics falsely have. They'll wrongly conclude that police officers routinely abuse their authority in the most routine of circumstances, rather than learning the true lesson of this incident: that they should be grateful to live in a country where even the poorest among us can achieve a level of ill health formerly reserved for the upper classes. Praise Him!

Thank You For Smoking

Despite their support for raising the minimum wage and providing social services for the needy, liberals have somehow managed to claim the mantle of caring about poor people. That's why I'm grateful to my Prayer Warrior P.J. O'Rourke for exposing the hypocrisy of this so-called compassion of The Left's punitive anti-smoking laws in public housing:

And poor people do have a lot of troubles. Sometimes, when you’ve got a crap job and are going to get laid off from it besides and your crack-head daughter has three kids by four fathers and your oldest son is on the front in Afghanistan and your youngest son can’t decide which drug crew to join and the cable company has cut off service and somebody’s jimmying the twelfth lock on the sheet-metal door, you’d like to sit down on your own damn chair in your own damn kitchen and have a smoke.

Well, forget it. The progressive elites are already charging you $7 for that pack of king-size filter tips, and pretty soon they’re going to add the price of eviction. Because they hate your guts.

While I think Brother P.J. may be a little off-message here about the taxes paid by the poor on their cigarettes -- can they ever truly be high enough to compensate for the drag they are on our job Creators? -- I fully agree with his underlying conceit: that liberals demonstrate their contempt for the poor by legislating away life's small pleasures.

That's but one example. What would be more edifying for our underclass than sitting on their toilets, taking a gentlemanly dump, and reading The National Review, The Weekly Standard, or perhaps even the liberal New Republic? Doing so would open their eyes to what parasites they are and inspire them to go out and so something productive, like maybe even getting a job at a conservative think tank! But unfortunately, thanks to the Democrats' incessant calls for stricter food safety regulation, they'll never experience the enlightenment (or the quick weight loss - did you hear that, Michelle Obama?) that a bout of chronic diarrhea from food poisoning can provide. Naturally, the lamestream media will paint the libtards as altruistic heroes and revile us conservatives as heartless villains, but that's just the sad facts of life until Obama is sent packing back to Kenya. Praise Him!

Deen Screem

As those of us who've ever enjoyed the deliciousness of deep fried food know, partially hydrogenated fats are the delectable taste of Freedom. This is why The Left is so determined to take them away from us, and why the First "Lady" is forever threatening to crush Our Nation's children like so many walnuts with her titanic ass for eating cookies. Initially I thought this sort of tyranny dressed up as nanny-statism was just another way of desensitizing us to the steady loss of Constitutional rights we've experienced under Barack Hussein's imperial rule, before he ships us all off to his re-education camps. But thanks to my Prayer Warriors at Fox News, I see that it's really just an assault on the culture of Real America by effete liberal elites. Look away, Dixieland!

Georgia's down-home diva Paula Deen was this week treated to an unhealthy serving of self-satisfied condescension after she admitted she has been diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. But nowhere was the response more unsavory than on the New York food scene with its resident lothario Anthony Bourdain leading the assault. ...

From food to faith, the mythic Dixie--soulful and abundant, passionate and insubmissive--has always clashed with the rigidly cosmopolitan north, which keeps an ever watchful eye on we, her unlearned, drawling wards.

Yet the northern perspective of the South amounts to little more than a crude distillation of the most specious of stereotypes, the uncouth yang to their cultured yin. Reserving unparalleled contempt for the region's myths and manners, fundamental to northern exceptionalism is the notion of southern inadequacy.

I fully recognize this liberal contempt for the Glorious customs of the South, as I was treated to this same sort of derisive sneering and eye-rolling from the homosexuals at my former workplace whenever I brought in my patriotic three bean salad. "Oh great, I was looking for some nutritionally devoid calories," they'd hiss at me, and then titter like schoolgirls among themselves, and go back to debating the merits of foreskin, or whatever it is those people talk about.

The only conclusion I can draw from these events is that "nutrition" is another one of those liberal junk sciences like "climatology" and "chemistry" brazenly used to advance the radical homosexual agenda of physical fitness, whereby we all have taut bodies and the endurance for marathons sessions of anal sex at their Unitarian swingers retreats. So, Christians, you know exactly what to do. Every pound you gain is a victory for Jesus, so supersize it, in the name of The Lord. Praise Him!

Sapphron Revolution

As a Christian, sending your child to college is the worst mistake you could possibly make. Liberal indoctrination begins the moment your child begins receiving the glossy recruitment materials featuring a smiling student body of all races and all sexual persuasions. The brainwashing doesn't relent until graduation, and by then it's too late, when your little Johnny graduates with a degree in Menstrual Studies with a minor in Blaming America. College graduates as a whole tend to congregate in decadent urban enclaves where they have ready access to Craigslist hookers and drugs, willfully reject the Glory of His Creation, and perhaps worst of all, reliably vote for the Democrat Party. "President" Obama understands this; thankfully so does Rick Santorum, who is courageously speaking out about the national scourge of higher education. Sadly, the guerilla war against Our Nation has intensified, and I doubt you'll be surprised to learn who's leading this fifth column:

The federal government is partnering with dozens of U.S. colleges to provide women from Muslim counties with a "world-class" education in science, technology, engineering and math.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton announced the NeXXt Scholars partnership last month, and her remarks were posted on the State Department Web site Monday.

"Today's next Madame Curie could be sitting in a high school classroom in Cairo, Jakarta, or Mogadishu, yearning for opportunities to explore her potential. The United States is determined to help give her that chance."

Clinton said the scholarship program will "create new opportunities for women from predominantly Muslim nations to pursue world-class undergraduate educations in science, technology, engineering, and math."

Hillary Clinton's affinity for, ahem, Arabian carpet is well documented, which makes the hidden dimensions of this news all the more terrifying: Chairman Hillary, with the blessing of Barack Hussein Obama, is training a secret army of Muslim lesbians to subvert our already weakened Constitution and install the Caliphate! Well, "ladies," this infidel will not submit, and Christians, neither should you. Please join me in securing America by demanding an end to affordable college education for America's children, as well as any foreign ones. Praise Him!

Toss Those Cookies!

If there's anything that fills me with Outrage, it's how The Left has polluted the Values of Our Nation's young people. Not too long ago, America was a nation of chaste, virtuous, law-abiding Christians. Then Hillary popped her first birth control pill on her way to a Peter, Paul & Mary concert, and it's been one headlong plunge into the Moral sewer ever since. The result of this decay has been catastrophic: Homosexuals may marry and hold jobs in certain parts of the country, women defer starting families into their 40s (if ever), and uppity minorities can sass their betters with impunity. Perhaps the most devastating thing, though, is the decline support for Republicans by the post-Baby Boom generations and women of all age groups.

At the vanguard of corrupting our children is the Girl Scouts of America. Rather than teaching today's Christian ladies the finer points of embroidery and how to apply cosmetics, they've instead adopted a program of cultural jihad that reads like a chapter out of the Al Qaeda training manual, with merit badges for crushing men's testicles and being a global warming patsy. So you can imagine how Rapturously thrilled I am to learn that one of their young charges has had enough of their liberal indoctrination:

A reportedly 14-year-old Girl Scout has joined with parents and Scout alumni to call for a boycott of the widely popular Girl Scout cookies, claiming the organization is using cookie proceeds to push a radical homosexual agenda at the expense of the Scouts’ safety.

The girl, identified as Taylor from Ventura County, Calif. – but whose parents have asked her last name and troop number be withheld – made a YouTube video calling for the boycott after she was shocked to discover Girl Scouts USA, or GSUSA, has been admitting transgender boys who claim to be girls into scout troops.

After controversy arose over the potential admission of Colorado 7-year-old Bobby Montoya last month, The Girl Scouts of Colorado released a statement explaining, “We accept all girls in kindergarten through 12th grade as members. If a child identifies as a girl and the child’s family presents her as a girl, Girl Scouts of Colorado welcomes her as a Girl Scout.”

I'm so inspired by young Taylor's brave stand for Traditional Values that I'm going to make one of my own: Membership in the Girl Scouts should be restricted to men 45 years of age or older. This will prevent our impressionable Daughters of Eve from being exposed to the poisonous ideas that inevitably lead to a ruinous future of an apartment full of cats and a career as a gym teacher. More importantly, it will help reverse the demographic trends that threaten to lead the Republican Party to extinction. Praise Him!

Perverted By Language

One of the most effective means The Left has of persecuting Christians is by strictly controlling the acceptable terms of debate. Diverge from the liberal script even slightly and you're branded a racist, a hydrophobe, or worse. Just last week, Rick Santorum caught flak for implying that Blah Americans are lazy welfare sponges; had he used the term endorsed by the PC Politburo, "African-American," no one would have refudiated him.

Liberal control of public discourse goes even further than this, however. Another effective weapon in the hippies' arsenal is to mandate the use of coarse language to make their decadent crusades "relevant" and confer legitimacy upon them. Radical homosexual activists have had the most luck with this, as the perverted connotations of "bottom" & "MSM" have left them unfit for use in polite society. Unsurprisingly, the teachers unions have now adopted this tactic, and they're using it to turn today's Christian youths into ravenous sex maniacs:

A New York lawmaker is demanding that state health workers remove a taxpayer-funded video series that promotes “raw-dogging” and other graphic sexual activities to teenagers as young as 13-years-old. ...

The graphic videos feature young actors talking about sex while using street lingo – including words like “raw dogging” – having sex without wearing a condom.

“This video is raunchy,” State. Sen. Martin Golden told Fox News & Commentary. “It’s wrong, it’s shameful and they shouldn’t be doing it.” ...

Golden said the videos portray unprotected sex as “so good, so juicy.”

Not only is this Morally wrong to teach kids that sex is fun, but it's also factually incorrect: The sex act, when performed correctly, is arduous, dirty business that leaves both parties filled with pain and stinging regret.

The answer to America's "sex" "education" crisis is plainly obvious. It should be conducted entirely in the language of the King James Version, so that children are bored rather than titillated at the prospect of sexual congress. I don't know what "raw dogging" is, but by the sounds of it, I would imagine it to combine the charms of self-flagellation with the wholesome appeal of a Lassie movie -- who wouldn't be tempted to delve further? I know I am. But tell a teenager that "The jackal that hath been uncooked shall be unclean," and he'll keep those pants firmly zipped. What we have here, my friends, are Common Sense Conservative Solutions in action!

Virtue will only be restored to Our Nation when Conservatives can participate fully in national discussions without being ostracized for speaking obvious Truths. Until we can gain equal footing in this debate, we will remain America's most Persecuted minority. Praise Him!

Incontinental Breakfast

The rustic accomodations of bed & breakfasts have had an exalted spot in the hearts of Christians ever since Our Heavenly King was born at the inn in Bethlehem. The unconscious touches of Americana found at your typical B&B -- the quilts, the cozies, the salt & pepper shakers in the likeness of John Quincy Adams -- emphasize how deeply a Christian nation America is. Striking a blow against these veritable Temples of Wholesomeness is something only someone who despises America would want to do, so it comes as no surprise to learn that radical homosexual activists are trying to do just that:

A bed and breakfast in Illinois that is currently under attack by a homosexual couple is now getting aid from Alliance Defense Fund.

Complaints were lodged with the state Human Rights Commission by two men who objected to the owners of the TimberCreek Bed and Breakfast refusing to allow their property to be used for same-gender civil union ceremonies, which are now legal in Illinois.

ADF attorney Bryan Beauman says about the owners of the bed and breakfast, “They're willing to host weddings for marriages, but they decline to host any civil union ceremonies for both same-sex or opposite-sex couples. But we just believe this discrimination charge is baseless.”

Having dealt with my share of hysterical queens and their knee-jerk accusations of hydrophobia over the years, I find the ADF's sangfroid to be the best way to respond to The Left's tantrums. Baseless indeed:

An e-mail reply from [TimberCreek owner] Jim Walder stated: “We will never host same-sex civil unions. We will never host same-sex weddings even if they become legal in Illinois. We believe homosexuality is wrong and unnatural based on what the Bible says about it. If that is discrimination, I guess we unfortunately discriminate.”

When informed by Todd Wathen of the new law, Walder replied in an e-mail, “The Bible does not state opinions, but facts. It contains the highest laws pertinent to man. It trumps Illinois law, United States law, and global law should there ever be any.”

In a later e-mail, Wathen wrote, “Hi Todd, I know you may not want to hear this, but I thought I would send along a couple of verses in Romans 1 detailing how the creator of the universe looks at the gay lifestyle. It’s not to late to change your behavior.”

We should all strive to strike such a moderate and dispassionate tone. By conducting ourselves evenhandedly and with restraint, we can show that our actions are motivated by Christian Love, and not by animosity towards those perverted dick suckers. Praise Him!

Yom Of Finland

As a Christian, I consider one of the most important foreign policy goals Our Nation can achieve is keeping Israel free: free of Muslims, free of Arabs, free of "Palestinians," and other than those crazy schwarzes who took a wrong turn at Sukkot a few thousand years ago, free of negroes. Our Nations share a deeply Spiritual bond, one that can only be strengthened by the likes of middle-aged men hollering at an 8 year old girl & calling her a whore. Like Mama Grizzly, I too have decorated my home office entirely in Star of David... which is why it feels like a knife in my hear to read the following:

JERUSALEM - The Israeli government is launching a program to recruit[!!!] homosexuals to be unofficial envoys.

In a bid to boost its international image, the country's ministry of Public Diplomacy and Diaspora Affairs has established a cadre of diverse volunteers who speak about Israel around the world. In a recent post on its website, the ministry encouraged minorities and members of the homosexual community to step forward.

I find it terrifying that international homosexual recruitment is now being conducted under the guise of "diplomacy." A more chilling thought, however, is that this could be the future of our own country. Just think about it: In order to repeal Don't Ask Don't Tell, radical homosexual activists frequently held up the IDF as an example of how perverts could openly serve without compromising military readiness. If we are following the same trajectory, it's only a matter of time before our native-born homosexuals begin enticing the nancies from overseas to invade our shores. This country is already filled with plenty of people I can't stand -- some of whom are even straight -- and this is only going to make matters worse. Christians, if there were ever a reason to vote for a candidate who would reinstate DADT, this is it. Praise Him!

Death on the Cafeteria Plan

Sister Nancy Beth believes the children are the future, particularly the white ones, so it fills me with Outrage that First "Lady" Michelle Obama, the affable Eva Braun of childhood nutrition, has forbidden them from ever knowing the wonders of baking cookies with their mothers, eating a hot fudge sundae, or testing their blood sugar levels eight times a day. Fortunately these tiny little Freedom Fighters have said no to breakfast at Tyranny's, as my Prayer Warriors at OneNewsNow inform us:

Since school officials decided to introduce healthier foods to the district's menu, students in the Los Angeles Unified School District have actually been eating more junk food. The Los Angeles Times reports that the attempt to encourage healthier alternatives -- such as black bean burgers, vegetarian curries, quinoa and tamales -- over chicken nuggets and corn dogs has been less than successful. Students have begun bringing their own lunches, which often consist of chips and soda.

Wolverines! Freedom is rarely free; it sometimes requires noble self-sacrifice, like consuming 4,000 calories a day. It restores my Faith in the future of Our Nation to see common sense conservative solutions like letting The Market decide in action. After all, who is better qualified to determine what to feed our children: the nanny state, or a bunch of 8 year olds (or their emotional equivalents)? I know which side I'm on. Praise Him!

Un Chien And A Loser

Ever since The Left expelled Our Heavenly Father from our schools and began teaching the "theory" of "evolution," Our Nation's Values have descended to Nero-like levels of decadence. Rather than being taught the Glory of His Creation, children today are tube-fed an onslaught of filth like "adaptation" and "DNA," which is just highfalutin Libspeak for Satan's trickery and that dirty dirty mansauce, respectively. The result is a coarsened culture that seeks to downplay our Dominion over God's creatures and turn them into our equals. "A rat is a pig is a dog is a boy," a radical liberal elitist once notably quipped, presumably in reference to her choice of sexual partners, and the perverted fruit of this denuncation of God's law is becoming all too evident:

A Sacramento parolee convicted of sexually assaulting a chihuahua was sentenced this week to 10 years in prison and must now register as a sex offender.

A jury last month convicted Robert Edward De Shields of strangulation and sexual abuse of the 8-month-old chihuahua. He was high on meth at the time of the attack, prosecutors said. ...

A veterinarian later found severe injuries to the dog's rectum and internal organs.

What's especially tragic is that if The Left weren't so determined to advance their agenda of free and easy fornication, this dog could have had abstinence-only sex education at obedience school and defended itself. Instead, true to liberal form, we've got another bloodied anus and an additional member of the correctional system. If this isn't enough to convince our fellow Americans to get rid of Obama and his cabal of radical social engineers, then I weep for the future of Our Nation. Praise Him!

Rekers of Havoc

Nothing is more tragic than when one of God's children, bestowed with the beautiful and natural characteristics and cravings with which He Blessed him, is forced to live a lie in order to comply with the hateful agenda of a group of intolerant bigots. And yet that is exactly what is happening to repressed heterosexual George Rekers, who is being mau-maued by radical homosexual activists for not actively embracing their perverted "gay" lifestyle:

The delight could hardly be concealed in the coverage of Christian-right leader George Alan Rekers's 10-day European vacation with a "rent boy."

According to the Miami New Times, Rekers, a prominent antigay activist who cofounded the Family Research Council, arrived at Miami International Airport with a young male escort, and later insisted he had hired the man to help him with his baggage. "I had surgery. And I can't lift luggage," he told the New Times. A statement on his Web site read: "Dr. Rekers found his recent travel assistant by interviewing different people who might be able to help, and did not even find out about his travel assistant's Internet advertisements offering prostitution activity until after the trip was in progress. There was nothing inappropriate with this relationship." But the escort, who goes by the name Lucien, told the New Times today that Rekers is gay and paid him to provide daily body rubs, giving details on specific caresses favored by the Baptist minister.

The liberal, gay, and mainstream blogosphere lit up in delight these past two days, especially with efforts by Rekers to control the damage. ...

The hypocrisy of our liberal friends is absolutely galling, though frankly, par for course. Mr. Rekers would be toasted far and wide by the lamestream media if he were to "come" "out" as a homosexual, start dating Clay Aiken, etc., but since he's bucking the gay system and not buying into their destructive agenda, he's nothing but a target for their vicious and hateful mockery. What sort of message does this send to our endangered heterosexual youths, whose straight/straight alliance clubs are already under attack in public schools? Why must they once again be told that it's not ok for them to grow up straight? One day, The Left will have to answer for the damage they've done to so many of us, and this particular grievance should be on the top of that lengthy list. In the meantime, I thank Mr. Rekers for exposing these traitors as the phonies they are. Praise Him!

Pretty Baby

During the halcyon days of the Bush years, I strongly advocated for using American power abroad to advance a Christian approach to Cosmetology. Doing so would vanquish the global menace of Islezbofascism, the combined threat of Glamour-averse militant Islam & the radical homosexual agenda. Rueful tears stream down my cheeks when I think of What Might Have Been, had we also invaded Iran, North Korea, and France when we had the opportunity: Not only would Our Nation be feared and respected the world over, but our fellow citizens would have a healthy Reverence for Life, Traditional Values, and the proper use of lip liner.

While The Left ridiculed Our President's bold vision as "flypaper strategy", if they had a shred of intellectual honesty, they would admit it was better to fight the terrorists over there rather than having to fight them here, as the recent surge in domestic terrorism shows. Well, libtards, thanks to your "president"'s dithering, his terrorist-coddling policies, and his fascism-loving regulation, we're now witnessing twin assaults on America's Right to Beauty and Right to Life, right here in the Homeland*:

Los Angeles County officials have placed two staff members at Olive View- UCLA Medical Center in Sylmar on paid leave after allegations that they had participated in a makeshift beauty salon atop medical equipment in the ward for high-risk newborns, according to county officials.

The county this week also opened an investigation into broader allegations that doctors, nurses and staff at the neonatal intensive care unit put babies at risk through substandard care.

The allegations were contained in two anonymous complaints received by the commission that accredits the facility.

"Nurses and doctors through the shift get their manicures, eye brows waxed and nails filed," according to a copy of one of the complaints obtained by The Times. "The smell of acetone permeates the back area of the NICU."

Some of the hospitals' infectious disease staff, who are supposed to prevent such activity, instead participated, according to the complaint, including one doctor who "had a French manicure right on the high frequency ventilator."

Death panels! This is exactly the sort of bureacratic overreach the Patriots in the Tea Party have been warning us about. Had these children been aborted late term, the state would probably insist that these butchers be treated to facials and seaweed body-wraps at Burke-Williams at taxpayers' expense (in fact, there's a little-known section in the Obamacare bill for exactly this provision that becomes effective in 2014). However, because these doctors actually saved children's lives, the heavy jackboot of Obama's police state is instead coming down heavily on their throats. You can never start teaching the children of Our Nation the importance of personal grooming informed by The Gospels early enough, even in a neonatal unit. Without that sort of Moral guidance, they're liable to turn into Bratz-informed tarts with too much make-up, or angry lesbians who favor that "natural" look. This latest attack once again exposes what a charade Barack Hussein Obama's professed love for America and her Values truly are. Praise Him!

*if you can consider California such

Miss Them Yet?

Don't be fooled by all The Left's eco-piety in wake of the recent Gulf oil spill. As usual, if something has libtards in high dudgeon, it's little more than a convenient opportunity to bash Christians for opposing their Radical Homosexual Agenda. So, millions of marine organisms are being coated in oil before dying an unconscionable death? Then don't tell them about Father Joe's Lenten Friday fish fries over at Our Lady of the Denunciation, lest Ayatollah Pelosi and her Code Pink mules be unfurling their elitist, grammatically-correct banners from the choir loft come Ash Wednesday. The wholesale slaughter of the creatures in His oceans has been a cherished institution of Christendom ever since Our Lord fed the masses with His loaves and fishes, and their shrill calls for banning off-shore drilling are thinly veiled attacks on us people of Faith.

What strikes me as most sad about this whole situation is that it presents yet another missed opportunity for reflection by The Left. Rather than engaging in the critical self-analysis it takes to understand why they hate Jesus so much and why they refuse to accept Him as their Lord and Savior, it will play into their cynical politics-as-usual, this time to retrospectively bash the Bush administration:

The oil well spewing crude into the Gulf of Mexico didn't have a remote-control shut-off switch used in two other major oil-producing nations as last-resort protection against underwater spills. ...

The U.S. considered requiring a remote-controlled shut-off mechanism several years ago, but drilling companies questioned its cost and effectiveness, according to the agency overseeing offshore drilling. The agency, the Interior Department's Minerals Management Service, says it decided the remote device wasn't needed because rigs had other back-up plans to cut off a well. ...

U.S. regulators have considered mandating the use of remote-control acoustic switches or other back-up equipment at least since 2000. After a drilling ship accidentally released oil, the Minerals Management Service issued a safety notice that said a back-up system is "an essential component of a deepwater drilling system."

The industry argued against the acoustic systems. A 2001 report from the International Association of Drilling Contractors said "significant doubts remain in regard to the ability of this type of system to provide a reliable emergency back-up control system during an actual well flowing incident."

By 2003, U.S. regulators decided remote-controlled safeguards needed more study. A report commissioned by the Minerals Management Service said "acoustic systems are not recommended because they tend to be very costly."

How cynical. If anyone's to blame for the unfurling disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, it's the Louisiana Democrats who were unable to mobilize their schoolbuses and get those animals out of harm's way in time. But then again, I'm used to the pathetic denial of The Left. So, Christians, prepare to endure more baseless lies about Conservatism, until they find their next hobby horse to ride. Praise Him!

Queens of the Circulating Library

Fourteen months into the despotic regime of Barack Hussein Obama, we have witnessed an unprecedented power grab by the imperious liberal oligarhy. The Left's New World Order is reminiscent of the tyranny that caused our Founding Fathers to take up arms and threaten to move to Costa Rica, and Real Americans are doing what they can to frustrate progressives' plans to snatch our firearms, criminalize fishing, and turn the public airwaves over to ACORN. Sadly, that may not be enough, as we have lost yet another of our most precious liberties: The Freedom not to return library books.

Handcuffed and in the back of a police cruiser, Aaron Henson wracked his brain trying to figure out how a simple speeding violation had led to his arrest.

Texas man is arrested for failing to pay a $27 late fee.The answer from the Colorado State Patrol stunned him. Henson never returned the DVD he'd checked out of the Littleton library, and there was a warrant out for his arrest. ...

Towns across the county, frustrated with trying to replace wayward materials on a shoestring budget, have turned to issuing citations, court appearances, even reporting the offending library patron to their credit bureaus.

City spokeswoman Kelli Narde said Littleton lost $7,800 in lost library materials in 2009, including Henson's DVD. They issued 81 summonses for failure to return library materials, she said. "And 80 of them were resolved without a problem."

The warrant Henson was brought in on in January was actually for failure to appear. The town claimed it sent numerous bills, notices, a summons and a notice of a court date, but they apparently were all sent to a previous address and Henson saw none of them. ...

Narde said they don't buy that Henson never knew they were looking for the DVD, noting that they left two cell phone messages and that their notices didn't get returned by the postal service meaning someone had to have picked them up at his old address.

THAT'S NOT IN THE CONSTITUTION, PEOPLE! This is a clear case of abuse of process by Big Bun & Bifocals directed at anyone who dares question their authority, and I pity anyone who gets in their way.

It comes as little surprise that public libraries would be the scene of the latest encroachment of our civil liberties, as the mullahs at the American Library Association have been coddling terrorists & sheltering perverts for years. Imprisoning Americans for exercising their God-given rights is the logical extension of their America-hating impulses. Fortunately for myself, I only protest my public library on rare occasions, and mostly limit my activities to complaining to the librarians that they don't have enough copies of Ann Coulter's books. However, those of you who actually read may in fact be adversely affected by this. So until our ship of state has been righted, watch your backs, Christians. Praise Him!

Whores on 45

Row 1: $25, handjobs only; Rows 2 & 3: $50; Row 4: $75. Anal $20 extra.

Chances are that if your child is in public school, The Left is trying to brainwash him into forsaking Traditional Christian Values and becoming a homosexual. The curricula is riddled with such deviance-promoting agitprop as sex "education," "social" "studies" (code name for group sex), and chemistry, and after 13 years, very few students graduate with their heterosexuality uncompromised. Fortunately for the Souls of Our Children, funding for the "arts," the program most likely to turn your son into a raving nancy, has been non-existent for the better part of a quarter century. And it's a good thing, too, as today we have another reminder of why it is so dangerous: Choral music will lead to a career as a gay prostitute.

"Put on some music, swallow a Viagra, and adelante!"

That's the headline in Europe today following reports that a papal aide used an intermediary in an elite Vatican choir to solicit young male choristers and seminarians for prostitution.

Police wiretaps are expected to result in charges against Angelo Balducci, 63, a Papal Gentleman, as lay attendant are called, and the former chairman of the Holy See's Public Works Department, which is itself caught up in a corruption investigation.

According to police, Balducci regularly contacted Chinedu Ehiem Thomas, a Nigerian man who sings in St. Peter's Cappella Giulia, to engage the sexual services of young male members of the choir, along with seminarians and undocumented immigrants seeking residency status.

The ramifications of this are absolutely chilling. Is your child's band teacher teaching him to blow something other than the trumpet? Is it really candy bars they're selling door to door? And it's such a loss for Our Nation: I can't help but think that Jeff Gannon would have Shep Smith's job now, were it not for all those clarinet lessons in fifth grade.

Obviously it's very sad that The Church has to be implicated in this, as they have a sterling reputation for repulsing gay people from their ranks, so long as they're not clergy. But they are hardly the first Faith to be stung by a scandal along these lines: Beneath the polyester blue robes of your average gospel choir is a fetid breeding ground for homosexual impulses. So Christians, the next time some hippy starts bleating on about the value of "the arts" at a PTA meeting, ask him which street corner he wants his own child to work. Praise Him!

Marriage Made in Hell

Ever since California experimented with promoting same-sex marriage at the expense of opposite marriage, my family has suffered terribly. I personally have experienced irreversible weight gain, increased sensitivity to light, dishpan hands, and hangnails, while my niece has had to endure the torment of split ends, and my brother had gallstones. Clearly the effects upon the citizenry have been grievous, and sadly, the people of Washington DC are about to have similar agonies inflicted upon them by radical homosexual activists:

The Supreme Court on Tuesday refused to block the District of Columbia's gay marriage law, freeing the city to issue its first marriage licenses to same-sex couples the following day.

Opponents of gay marriage in the nation's capital had asked Chief Justice John Roberts to stop the city from issuing the licenses on Wednesday while they appealed. They argued that D.C. voters should have been allowed to vote on the issue. Local courts have rejected the opponents' arguments.

"It has been the practice of the court to defer to the decisions of the courts of the District of Columbia on matters of exclusively local concern," said Roberts, writing for the court.

This is judicial activism at its most perverse, which shows why it is imperative that Republican majority be restored in Congress, so that liberal judges like Roberts can be sent packing back to UC Berkeley.

More disconcerting is the horrendous loss of Freedom this represents. Already, a year into Barack Hussein Obama's purple reign, we risk losing the Freedom to be defended by straight or deeply closeted armed service members. We can only Pray that Republicans (& mainstream Democrats like Ben Nelson & Blanche Lincoln, who's probably a lezzie) will have the strength to abide by the power of their convictions and continue to do nothing. Praise Him!

Environmental Raaacism

You'll be forgiven for thinking I took my rat tail combs and headed off to do hair in Galt's Gulch, given the quietness in these parts, Christians, but you all know how relentlessly oppressive life has become under the despotic reign of Barack Hussein Obama. I was terrified to wish you all so much as a "Merry Christmas" lest Ayatollah Pelosi's stormtroopers kick down my door and drag me off to their re-education camps. But if anything will force me to raise my voice in opposition, it's more of The Left's staggering hypocrisy.

If a conservative calls for the reinstitution of Jim Crow or the blanket deportation of all foreigners, that's somehow racist. But when the deportation of illegal aliens is done under the aegis of The One's EPA, we're supposed to believe it's the restoration of endangered habitats:

The Environmental Protection Agency on Sunday unveiled a five-year, $475-million plan to revitalize the Great Lakes, including cleaning up polluted water and beaches, restoring wetlands and fighting invasive species such as Asian carp.

Federal and state officials call the effort, dubbed the Great Lakes Restoration Initiative Action Plan, "historically unprecedented" in size, funding and coordination between various branches of government.

I want my country back! This is nothing short of Socialism! With a pinch of Nazism! Slow-cooked in Leon Trotsky's crockpot! Served over a steaming bed of Chairman Mao's white rice!

And pardon me for asking this, but where are the race pimps to pander on behalf of the Asian carp now? After all, they're only eating the algae American carp can't bother themselves to eat, their apologists would presumably say... and it's just a matter of time before they begin outperforming our native-born fish in standardized math & science tests. But we should know better than to expect the civil rights lobby to be ideologically consistent. God forbid they hold the Democrat Party accountable for their blatant racism, particularly when there's always some trumped-up opportunity to bash Republicans. I guess it's too much to expect those small minds perpetually consumed by hatred to recognize the many recent advances the Republican Party has made to the cause of civil rights, but maybe once we regain our legislative majorities (though I suppose we already have), we can resume passing the sort of bills that show our deep compassion for all God's children. Praise Him!

Currying disfavor

I'd like to take this opportunity to wish those of you who happen across this blog while looking for porn a Happy Thanksgiving, only thanks to our "president," that's something of an impossibility. In the greatest assault to the sovereignty of Our Nation since Barack Hussein Obama put mustard on a hamburger, The One has ruined this most Sacred of American holidays and set back the cause of canned yams in marshmallow glaze at least a decade, by serving the Prime Minister of India an Indian-themed State dinner two days before Thanksgiving:

The dinner takes place in a huge tent on the South Lawn, and guest will dine on Indian influenced dishes with choices for vegetarians and vegans. The menu includes a salad of arugula grown in the White House garden, potato and eggplant salad, red lentil soup with fresh cheese, and potato dumplings with tomato chutney. Entrees are a choice of chick peas and okra or green curry prawns, served with caramelized salsify, smoke collard greens and coconut aged basmati.

Outrageous! First bowing to Tojo, and now this. Is it any wonder America's friends and enemies alike are snickering behind our backs?

Christians, if there were ever any reason to put Sarah Palin in the White House, this is it. We need someone who shares our Values as well as our American tastes. In a Palin administration, First Dude Todd would be cooking up hamburgers on the grill while Mama Grizzly whipped up a sumptuous batch of her world famous moose chili. If any dot-headed foreigners balked at eating meat on "religious" grounds, she could just set them straight: "If God had not intended for us to eat animals, how come He made them out of meat?" Suck. On. That., you dirty hippies. Praise Him!

Tears in our beers

Ever since Barack Hussein Obama was "elected" as the grand Caliph of Our Nation, Americans have had to find new ways to cope with the loss of our most precious Freedoms. While some Christians might find solace from Obama's despotism by boning a stripper in a South Carolina graveyard, sadly, one of the more prevalent methods has become problem drinking:

In a setting a tad less formal, with no president or national press on hand, the Harvard professor and the Cambridge cop at the heart of last summer’s White House “beer summit” met for a second round - this time, at a local pub.

Henry Louis Gates Jr. and Sgt. James Crowley met for drinks Wednesday at River Gods, a popular River Street bar outside Central Square, not far from where their lives first intersected.

Sister Nancy Beth shares their despair, and while she doesn't approve of abusing alcohol to lessen the pain of living under the tyrannical regime of The One, it certainly does explain a lot, doesn't it?

Tragically, I can't help but think that this is part of The Left's master plan. Not only are they driving us to drink, but now they're making even more powerful consciousness-altering substances available. In a recent speech to America's school children, "President" Obama announced that "medical" marijuana would soon be dispensed from campus vending machines; he signed off his address by saying "Far out, man."

It is my fervent Prayer that America will once again embrace its Christian heritage and elect white people whose Values are uncompromised by the stain of drugs and alcohol, like George Bush & Dick Cheney. Only then can we hope to return to a position of preeminent Moral leadership in the world. Praise Him!