straightjacket and stardust

Sunday, July 18, 2010

hmm i should probably just delete the last entry here and make this the 707th and final blog entry. eiremoi has come to an end, as has my foray into ireland and all the five years of love/hate and happiness/tears it has brought.

for the continuation to my story, its best to see how im doing in my halfway house. click here for a shortcut.

sad days, and happy days. too much about my life in dubs that i would miss. but life is also about starting your life anew whenever the time is right, and the time is right today.

much love and kisses for anyone who's read me in the last 5 years.

<3>

<3 <3 <3

08:35

Monday, June 14, 2010

i think that sometimes, even when things are all a-jumble and you just really feel like going home, the littlest things will surprise you.

even when sometimes you think you've had a lot of the people around you (yourself included) all displaying their strong personalities, the very reason being the shared dna that you all have, and you think you've nearly had enough and want to just skipper away and be alone with your laptop and boyfriend, you find yourself totally wanting to sit down and have a wonderful conversation and share great taste for things you like and distaste for things you don't.

that's the funny thing about family. the similarities you have drive you nuts but the things you share drive you closer together.

i was happy to have had such a peachy day with mak, ayah and amir. the day went off to a rocky start with me nearly losing it over unsettling things like banks and cable tv disconnection. then it was a lovely outing to tok zu's in neasden where there was a nice, albeit brief, session for catching up. and then a lovely dinner with the elliotts, which somehow made my day.

somehow when you're 14 days into travelling around europe with your family, a nice, quiet dinner with some lovely people in a gorgeous restaurant is exactly what you need to feel normal again. and to prepare yourself for the week-long journey that's left :)

its so easy to lose touch with reality. and with so many things going on its impossible not to lose it a little bit. im still very glad that the family's still happy, i escaped mostly unscathed, and the boyfriend is mostly within reach every day in this trip so far.

here's hoping the final third of this trip would not be terribly difficult, and that we'd be able to meet many interesting people along the way xx

<3 <3 <3

23:23

Monday, May 31, 2010

haih. i am quite surprised to say that the highlight of my week has been reading a blog (which evolved into a forum) on the perils of the carrie - big relationship: how it affects young impressionable women.

i have often found the ends to the series, not to mention the two movies nonsensical but thought i was probably just overanalyzing it. turns out loads of people had similar (or broadly dissimilar) perspectives on the subject.

if anyone cares for a read, do read kevin b.-induced trail of opinions here .

anyhoo. i kid on the highlight part. had the sister over for three days now. watched satc on the somehow sought-after 5pm show the day she arrived and played tourist guide since. and was so very glad to have the boyfriend back on irish shores. more madness come graduation, believe you me.

will try to summon some enthusiasm for thursday. right now its rising, but not quite boiling up to levels one might prefer.

parents to be here tomorrow! yeeyyaayy!

xre

<3 <3 <3

23:17

Monday, May 24, 2010

harumph.

well im generally the kind of person to steer clear of excessive displays of affection, or at least i'd like to think so, hence i would take this as a general exception.

i miss my boyfriend. its not him being away from me for three days now that bugs. if its only that, id be the first to call me naive. we have had long distance bits before, now. guess im just thinking about what happens next. it'll never be the same things we had before. next is home, family, four-hour journeys and then work, which let's face it, tends to be all-encompassing.

so well. i miss azli. yeah its been three days. but ive been keeping myself occupied. did useful things like un-beading a silk scarf in preparation for more beadwork, did some full-on groceries, finalizing last aesthetic bits for graduation, bought an iron (?) and planned and navigated my next few days to its full potential.

still it feels a teensy bit empty. a teeeens weeeeensy bit. hmm. guess things have all changed and we've all grown up a bit in these last month. whats in my head also is the arrival of the family and the madness that is organizing a proper trip about europe. the trick, i realize, is to not organize. it isn't like travelling with friends, as i have many a time lectured to azli. let things unfold. which is why im pseudo-turning a blind eye at my mum's suggestions of accomodations in the uk. we will go with the flow. i trust it'll work.

i digress. anyways am listening to 'try sleeping with a broken heart'. which makes a whole lotta sense other than the 'telling me lies' part and the 'broken heart' and its 'shutting down'. not usually my style of easy listening but im feeeeeling it. haha. even i am cringing at the essence of this post.

so tonight, im gonna find a way to make it without you. tonight, im gonna find a way to make it without you. im gonna hold on to the times that we had. tonight, im gonna find a way to make it without you.

fatin, fatin. absolute jiwangness.

endure this with a pinch of salt, yeah. if you can find even a smidge within yourself of love and affection, i think you can relate.

i love my sayang.

<3 <3 <3

23:36

Sunday, May 23, 2010

gosh. i think im going to talk a bit about sleep and how much (or how little) of it ive been getting of late.

the weekend we sent stuff home in a container was deadly. azli and i only fully decided on tuesday that shipping is to commence on saturday the 15th as azli would start his family trip around europe on the 18th. so wednesday and thursday went not quite as fruitfully as one might have hoped. come friday, we were both in utter chaos. strangely we both applied our preferred method of exam preparation for packing. him slow and steady, and me: absolute hurried last-minute madness. both works, to be honest. to each its own really. but it was hilarious. by friday night, he had about 93% of things packed and was busy ruminating as to whether he ought to double wrap or triple wrap the boxes. i on the other hand, was sitting on the floor contemplating shoes and hadn't even touched the closet.

and so my nonstop packing started picking up speed at about 11pm friday night. i kept on going virtually nonstop till abut 3 when i had a snack, then back to packing. azli rang me to say he was going to bed at about 5 am, and when he woke up around 7 i was still at it. at this stage i was out of bags/boxes and slightly panicky. and i haven't stopped moving for 8 hours and my back and hips were seriously asking for help. fortunately the container guys arrived at 10ish and the whole loading stuff took bout an hour and a half. around noon, when all was said and done, i fell asleep (into a coma would be a more apt description) and fall asleep i did.

next thing i knew i woke up and it was about 10pm. i got up and cooked pekasam and kari telur which azli and i devoured like famished demons. at this stage i had slept for 10 hours through brought daylight and i hadn't anything to eat for 23 hours. after dinner, watched some nice tv and went back to bed sleepily around 1am only to wake up around noon the next day. how bout that.

today wasn't much of a change. i spent five nights in london with azli and family which was loads of fun. and the weather was fantabulous. anyways we spent all day (and i do mean all day) on our feet and on the move and having very little settled sleep. so yesterday morning after we all said our goodbyes and azli & co take off for paris i went back to the hotel room and had two hours of the most glorious sleep ive had in ages, weird dreams all included. spent the rest of the day shopping at oxford street then pushed off for dublin. i arrived home yesterday slightly melancholic but driven, and more sleepy than usual. and so i went to bed at around 1am, and then woke up crazily enough around 6pm the next day. 17 hours! insanity. clearly was trying to qada' for all sleep lost during the trip.

good news is im starting to feel a bit sleepy so im not quite 'jetlagged' so to speak. on the downside, im suddenly craving for kari telur. urgh.

all i have to say on sleep is quality vs quantity. practising that is an altogether different cattle of fish xx

<3 <3 <3

23:35