THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 23.

Still more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

ffriend [f’-frend] (n) - A friend, acquaintance, friend of a friend, or total stranger that you designate as a “friend” on social networking websites such as Facebook, MySpace, et al. An abbreviation of “Facebook friend.”

“Charlie? Never met the guy in my life, but we’ve been ffriends for two years.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 22.

Still more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

f’oh! pas [fo-pah] (n) - A mistake, specifically one of the sort that makes you smack yourself in the forehead and exclaim “D’oh!” in the manner of Homer Simpson.

A poetic illustration, courtesy of Mark Hollis:

     Bill
     Was ill.

In his delirium
He talked about Miriam.

This was an error
As his wife was a terror

     Known
     As Joan.

That, Esteemed Readers, is a f’oh! pas.

[A tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora goes to Erica Sherman for this one.]

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 21.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

Tae D Bo [tai-di-bo] (n) - A proprietary martial arts-based discipline that improves cardiac fitness while simultaneously rendering toilets sparkling clean.

“Did you hear about Ed? Been taking Tae D Bo classes over at the gym for the past two years - just got his Black Brush.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 20.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

NyQuil narcosis [ni-kwil- nar-ko-sis] (n) - The remarkable stupefaction that occurs when one takes a nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, fever, best fucking sleep you ever got with a cold medicine, especially during daylight hours.

“Good Gawd! I’ve been wandering around like a zombie for the past two days - must be a case of NyQuil narcosis.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 19.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

ambidickstrous [am-bi-dick-strus] (adj) - Descriptive of males who are both homo- and heterosexual. Bisexual.

“I know Charlie is a real ladies’ man, but I had no idea he was ambidickstrous until he offered to wax my bishop in the locker room. Son of a bitch!”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 18.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives.

magazeke [mag-a-zeek] (n) - Periodical of primary interest to the redneck market.

“I was wondering why I hadn’t seen the latest copy of ‘Guns and Ammo’ - that’s when I realized that my magazeke subscription had run out.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 17.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, Volume 12, Volume 13, Volume 14, Volume 15, and Volume 16.

enthusigasm [en-thoo-zi-ga-z’m] (n) - The physical and emotional release occasioned by involvement in a pursuit, occupation, or activity in which one’s mind is thoroughly absorbed.

“When Johnny’s team won the state Little League championship, his mother had an enthusigasm right there in the bleachers.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 16.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, Volume 12, Volume 13, Volume 14, and Volume 15.

fondue-due [fahn-doo-doo] (n) - (1) Digestive upset brought on by the consumption of Molten Cheese; (2) The runny excrement resulting from said Digestive Upset.

“We went out to The Melting Pot last Saturday night, and I spent the rest of the weekend on the Porcelain Throne with a major case of the old fondue-due.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 15.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, Volume 12, Volume 13, and Volume 14.

spootzle [shpoot-sl] (n) - Small, dumpling-like turds; the result of “dropping the kids off at the pool” with an Impacted Intestine.

“Last time I ate at that German place, I got all blocked up. Spaetzle in, spootzle out.”

[Tip o’ th’ Elisson fedora to SWMBO for coming up with this most useful term.]

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 14.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, Volume 12, and Volume 13.

decrapitation [de-cra-pi-tei-shun] (n) - The act of Beheading the Turtle: cutting off the tip of an emerging turd by applying pressure with the anal sphincter.

“I was crimping one off and had to get to my next class in a hurry, so I decrapitated it.”

Decrapitation is hilariously illustrated in this superlative piece of crapblogging by the inimitable Kevin Kim.

[Tip o’ th’ Elisson colander fedora to SWMBO, herownself, for this brilliant coinage.]

crappuccino [cra-poo-chee-no] (n) - 1. The vile beverage served by the minions of the Evil Mermaid; 2. The unfortunate result of an attack of loose bowels whilst wearing casual pants, [see also Cocky-Khaki].

“Holy mackerel, you shoulda seen Charlie the other day. He had an attack of the squirts right after making the turn at Gleneagles the other day - it was a real Crappuccino Moment.”

[This one - Definition 2, anyway - is SWMBO’s, too.]

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 13.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, Volume 11, and Volume 12.

Library of Cacangress [lai-bre-ri uv ka-kan-gres] (n) - A restroom, specifically one in which the user reads before, after, or during the acts of micturition and/or defecation.

“Where the hell does Charlie think he is, the Library of Cacangress? He just disappeared into the third floor men’s room with the whole Sunday New York Times. Is he gonna read it or wipe himself with it?”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 12.

Still more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, Volume 10, and Volume 11.

hersheyorkor [hur-shi-or-kor] (n) - A protein deficiency disease, characterized by extreme weight loss and swollen abdomen, caused by subsisting on an all-chocolate diet.

ballroom [baul-room] (n) - (1) A room, generally large, designed primarily for the purpose of dancing. (2) The characteristic that distinguishes boxer shorts from briefs.

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 11.

Still more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, Volume 9, and Volume 10.

Doody Decimal System [du-di-de-si-ml sis-tem] (n) - A highly unofficial set of standards and guidelines by which feces may be assigned numerical rankings for size, texture, and pungency.

“Jeezus, Charlie! What the hell did you do in there? That one hadda be a ten on the Stench-O-Meter!”

Update: Looks like El Crapitan El Capitan beat me to it.

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 10.

Still more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, Volume 8, and Volume 9.

Neiman Marxist [nee-man-marks-ist] (n) - A wealthy liberal.

The Neiman Marxist is perfectly happy for the government to spend your money, because he has plenty of his own... after taxes, of course.

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 9.

Still more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, Volume 7, and Volume 8.

Jamaica Doody [ja-mei-ka-doo-di] (n) - The inevitable (and painful) result of eating a huge plateload of Jerk Chicken.

Not that I would ever do such a thing... and, moreover, blog about it afterward. Naw.

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 8.

Still more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, Volume 6, and Volume 7.

ennui-ui [on-you-wee-wee] (n) - State of mind characterized by a boredom so profound, one cannot be bothered even to urinate.

An illustrative example:

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 7.

Still more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, Volume 5, and Volume 6.

syphilupagus [sif-il-up-a-gus] (n) - Venereal disease transmitted by talking mastodons.

cartoonfatwa [car-toon-fat-wa] (adj) - Having the quality of irrational, extreme overreaction, especially in the face of minimal provocation.

Let’s use it in a sentence, shall we?

“I stopped off at Murphy’s for a few shots last night and ended up coming home at 2 a.m. I’ll be damned if the Missus didn’t go all cartoonfatwa on my ass.”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 6.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

Previous installments of the Blog d’Elisson Dictionary may be found in the Archives: Volume 1, Volume 2, Volume 3, Volume 4, and Volume 5.

vox poopuli [voks poop-u-lai] (n) - The noise produced by the expulsion of flatus, especially when said expulsion takes place during a painful act of defecation.

Sure, you can always say “fart while taking a crap,” but I think this Latinate coinage lends the whole stinky affair a certain tone, does it not?

Let’s use it in a sentence:

“When I went to the can at Pappasito’s last night, I could hear the roar of the vox poopuli from the stall next to me. Guess the guacamole didn’t sit too well with that poor bastard. Just Damn!”

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 5.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

[See Volumes 1, 2, 3, and 4 in the Archives.]

frint [frint] (n) – The female genitalia.

There’s a little history behind this exotic coinage.

Memorial Day weekend of 2003, She Who Must Be Obeyed and I were enjoying a weekend of drunken debauchery and consumptive excess fine meals and entertainment in New Orleans with our friends Steve and Sue from Northern Virginia. We were staying in the French Quarter at a fine little hotel, the Soniat House.

One evening, we happened to wander down to Bourbon Street, which was fairly lively owing to it being a Long Holiday Weekend. Even though it was not Fat Tuesday - or anything close to it - the street was packed with ethanol-fortified revelers. Women who flashed their kalamatunis were rewarded with showers of bead necklaces tossed down from wrought-iron balconies.

Hell, I even scored a bead necklace by flashing my Man-Boobs...probably because I did it while sporting the requisite Happy Leer. Hey, I’ll do most anything for a laugh; I’m not proud.

We walked past Larry Flynt’s club, and Sue made some sort of snide remark about the Publishing Genius who brought us Hustler. But somehow, the name got mangled and “Flynt” came out “Frint.” We decided right then and there that “frint” was a perfect word for the Ol’ Burgooly, given Mr. Flynt’s line of work and all.

Let’s use it in a sentence, shall we?

“Damn, I hate going to the beach. I always end up with a sunburn, and sand all up in my frint.”

And, speaking of frints, what’s the difference between a Brazilian Landing Strip and a Panamanian Landing Strip? (Don’t ask me how I know this...)

Why, the Panamanian Landing Strip has more jungle...and of course, it has a canal running right through the middle.

*sounds of Elisson being bitch-slapped*

THE OFFICIAL BLOG D’ELISSON DICTIONARY,Volume 4.

Yet more stuff that should be in the dictionary but isn’t.

[See Volumes 1, 2, and 3 in the Archives.]

poopier mâché [poop-yay mah-shay] (n) – The material of which are composed those little wads of toilet paper that get buried in your asscrack, often not to be discovered until the next day when showering.

A big shout out to Morris William for helping me with this fine word-coinage.