Bee Movie (2007)

MY AFFECTION FOR DreamWorks Animation has definitely grown over the last five years, thanks to more deeply developed offerings such as the Kung Fu Panda films, How to Train Your Dragon, and last year’s Rise of the Guardians.

But before that, DreamWorks’ output lacked the depth and imagination that Pixar was providing in droves. And 2007’s Bee Movie is (hopefully) one of the last installments of that earlier time.

Barry B. Benson (Jerry Seinfeld) is a college grad who’s eager to begin his career as a worker bee in his hive. Since bees have a short lifespan, he knows he has to make his career choice count – once a bee picks a job in the hive, they’re stuck with it for the rest of their (abbreviated) life. While out collecting pollen, Barry befriends Vanessa (Renée Zellweger), a human who values all living things, including Barry. When Barry is outraged that people have been “stealing” bees’ honey for years, Vanessa helps him file a lawsuit against the human race.

Bee Movie is pollinated here and there with make-you-smile cleverness, but out-loud laughs are few. Many jokes will go over kids’ heads, but the punchlines won’t satisfy the adults who get them. (It really took four writers to come up with this?)

In addition to uneven humor and lack of character depth, the film demands huge suspensions of disbelief. The fact that Vanessa accepts and befriends a talking bee after only a few moments is hard to swallow, not to mention the swarms of people in the courtroom during Barry’s lawsuit trial who also seem unaffected by Barry’s ability to speak. It’s also tough buying the seasoned, “lemme tell ya” voice of 53-year-old Jerry Seinfeld as a recent college graduate. (If you’re dying for a Jerry/Puddy reunion, Seinfeld’s Patrick Warburton voices Vanessa’s arrogant and jealous boyfriend, Ken.)

Bee Movie starts with a promising premise – questioning the idea of having one monotonous job your entire life (a la Wreck-It Ralph) – but soon devolves into a much less engaging plot involving a courtroom trial that kids won’t care about, much less understand. Uneven and too clever for its own good, Bee Movie provides occasional glimpses of inspiration, but ultimately not enough sting.

Rating:

What did FilmBoy and Jack-Jack think?

FilmBoy stayed with Bee Movie for the first hour, but then his attention waned and he started looking at his Pokemon cards. His final verdict: “It was okay.” Meanwhile, Jack-Jack soaked in every bit, getting visibly animated at much of what was going on.

Is it suitable for your kids?

Bee Movie is rated PG for "mild suggestive humor."
Language: A bee accuses Barry of “making out” with Vanessa. When he needs to go to the bathroom, Barry declares he needs to “drain the ol’ stinger.” A bee says of a female co-worker, “She’s hot!” Barry describes a character as being “very Jewish.” In a low moment, Barry and Vanessa jokingly discuss a “suicide pact” and how they would do it. One mention each of “drag queen,” “poo water,” and “heaving buttocks.”
Violence: Vanessa stabs herself with a fork to make sure she’s not dreaming. Barry has a dream where Vanessa crashes a plane she’s piloting and it bursts into flames. There are several scenes of slapstick punching and slapping. Ken tries to swat, smash, and light Barry on fire during a fight.
Adult Themes: There’s an ongoing theme, though handled lightheartedly, of dying and death due to the bee’s short lifespan.
Smoking: A human passerby smokes a cigarette.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

The images and premise of Bee Movie may appeal to her, but she may balk at the pedestrian humor and questionable adult material in such a child-targeted film.

Wow – that's one honey of a serve!
(Oh, boo-hiss to you, too.)

Bee Movie
* Directors: Steve Hickner, Simon J. Smith
* Screenwriters: Jerry Seinfeld, Spike Feresten, Barry Marder, Andy Robin
* Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Renée Zellweger, Matthew Broderick, Patrick Warburton, John Goodman, Chris Rock, Kathy Bates, Eddie Izzard, Alan Arkin, Megan Mullally, Rip Torn, Larry Miller, Barry Levinson
* MPAA Rating: PG



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Ratatoing (2007)

ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY RECENTLY RAN an article about the phenomenon of “mockbusters” – cheaply made knockoffs of blockbuster movies, released at the same time as the original film, to cash in on the buzz. Adding to the insult (and confusion) are their sound-alike titles, such as Age of the Hobbits, Braver, Paranormal Entity, Transmorphers, and American Battleship.

Last fall, FilmBoy discovered the mockbuster Chop Kick Panda, so I shared the EW article with him – and unknowingly created a monster. Fascinated by their alleged awfulness, he set out to watch as many animated mockbusters as possible. He then insisted I review mockbusters here, and I told him no way. But after much discussion and debate, I agreed to review one, and only one: the totally-not-Ratatouille flick Ratatoing.

Set in Rio de Janeiro (in place of Ratatouille’s Paris), Ratatoing tells the story of Marcell Toing, a mouse (not a rat) who’s chef and owner of his own restaurant – so in some twisted way, Marcell has already fulfilled the dream that Ratatouille’s Remy spends his entire film trying to accomplish. Anyhoo, Marcell and fellow mice Carol and Greg conduct weekly raids on human kitchens to get fresh ingredients for their entrees, while rival restaurant owners will stop at nothing to discover Marcell's secrets.

To say Ratatoing is an abomination would be an insult to all things disgusting or abhorrent. The most obvious offense is the atrocious animation. The entire film looks like unfinished footage from a Pixar behind-the-scenes featurette: flat, simple shapes with primary colors and stiff body movements that make everybody look like they’re doing the Robot.

Characters yell their dialogue at each other. Random scenes inexplicably fade to black. Attempts at humor are virtually non-existent. There’s zero character development. One animation sequence is used three times. It’s tempting to call this 45-minute “film” a train wreck, but with a real train wreck there’s at least a certain level of exhilaration. With Ratatoing, it’s just exasperation.

Ratatoing was originally voiced in Portuguese, which would explain the horrible sync-up of mouths with dialogue in this English version. The voiceover talent, including veterans Veronica Taylor (Pokemon: The First Movie), Lisa Ortiz, and Wayne Grayson, should be ashamed of their involvement. At least experienced voice actor Mike Pollock had the good sense to use an alias to hide his embarrassment.

Ratatoing is produced by Video Brinquedo, a Brazil-based company who specializes in super-cheap, poorly made imitations of popular movies, including titles such as Little Bee, Tiny Robots, Gladiformers, Little & Big Monsters, and my personal favorite, What’s UP: Balloon to the Rescue! They’re the movie equivalent of the rack toys you see at drugstores sporting borderline-lawsuit titles like Star Warriors and World Wrestling Rasslers.

Ratatoing plays like the worst kids show from 1991. Its sole reason for existence is the hope that some uninformed, astigmatic Grandma won’t tell it apart from Ratatouille and pick it up for her grandchild. It’s a perfect example of scraping the bottom of the barrel, then discovering something under the barrel.

Rating:

What did FilmBoy and Jack-Jack think?

FilmBoy enjoyed Ratatoing as a bad movie, much like he did with Santa Claus Conquers the Martians. He laughed frequently at how unbelievably awful it is. And Jack-Jack? Halfway through the film, he declared, “Okay, this movie is giving me a headache.”

Is it suitable for your kids?

In terms of artistic merit, Ratatoing isn’t suitable for ANY kids. That being said, there’s some mild name-calling near the end by a bad-guy mouse, who spews off “chubby,” “stupid,” and “idiot” in one insult. Also, Carol sports a disturbingly curvy body for a mouse, complete with a bubbled booty and perky breasts.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Dear God, I hope not.

Make sure you wipe your feet on that glue trap on the way out.

Ratatoing
* Director: Kip Kaplan
* Screenwriter: Kip Kaplan
* Stars: Wayne Grayson, Lisa Ortiz, Veronica Taylor, Dan Green, Mike Pollock (as Herb Lawrence), Marc Diraison, Scottie Ray
* MPAA Rating: G


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Labou (2009)

*SIGH*. Another week, another anemic selection of G-rated kids’ movies on Netflix.

We wind up with Labou, an independent children’s film where three tweens – Toddster (Bryan James Kitto), Gavin (Darnell J. Hamilton), and Emily (Marissa Cuevas) – set out in the Louisiana bayou to find the lost treasure of Capt. LeRouge (Barnie Duncan), but on the way discover a cute little swamp critter named Labou.

After Opposite Day and Labou, I’ve had about all I can take of marginally talented kid actors speaking paragraphs of adult dialogue. For what it’s worth, Kitto is the best of the three kid stars and delivers his lines with the most conviction.

What’s even more frustrating is how the kids react upon meeting Labou. Most kids would probably say something like, “Omigod, it’s some kind of alien lizard creature! I hope it doesn’t have a taste for human flesh!” Instead, they’re merely curious about their not-of-this-earth discovery, and after five minutes they’re having an impromptu musical jam with him(!).

Labou is an animatronic creation (think Gremlins’ Gizmo crossed with a frog) who’s convincing enough to satisfy kid viewers, but adults will be much more cynical. He feels like he could have been plucked from a Jim Henson reject pile.

Even worse than his unconvincing appearance, Labou disappears from the film for stretches at a time – forcing viewers to sit through either a) the three kid actors trying to carry their scenes; or b) unfunny slapstick and insults between a pair of bumbling father-and-son developers (Earl Scioneaux and Chris Violette) who want to raze Labou’s swampland home and build an oil refinery.

While it’s too little too late, the last 20 minutes of Labou does hit on the magic that the rest of the film struggles to deliver, and it all ties up nicely at the end.

Bottom line: Writer/director (and veteran FX artist) Greg Aronowitz obviously made Labou for kids, and in that respect, mission accomplished. It’s a perfectly harmless, highly disposable children’s film that parents shouldn’t (and won’t) take too seriously.

Rating:

What did Dash and

Jack-Jack think?

Labou may test the attention spans of very young children, but gradeschoolers will probably find it entertaining. To that point, Jack-Jack had almost no interest in the film, giving up halfway through, while Dash stayed with it, paying attention at every line of dialogue and laughing several times. His final summation: “It wasn’t too bad.”

Is it suitable for your kids?

The only minor concerns in Labou are some name-calling (“loser,” “idiot,” and my personal fave, “Billy the Skidmark”) and a brief scene featuring a drunk person.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

She may enjoy the fact that Labou is almost totally harmless for children, though like most adults, I doubt she’ll actually enjoy it herself.

Aaarrrgh, indeed.

Labou
* Director: Greg Aronowitz
* Screenwriter: Greg Aronowitz
* Stars: Barnie Duncan, Darnell Hamilton, Bryan James Kitto, Marissa Cuevas, Earl Scioneaux, Chris Violette, Ray Nagin, Kelson Henderson
* MPAA Rating: G

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Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (2001)

I VAGUELY REMEMBER the kids cartoon The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius airing on Nickelodeon during its 2002-2006 run. But since my boys were born in ’03 and ’06, any TV time offered to them would have been in the more appropriate worlds of PBS Kids or Disney Junior (nee Playhouse Disney).

However, my wife came home recently from our local Once Upon a Child with a near-mint copy of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, the movie that begat the TV series. It follows the antics of Jimmy (Debi Derryberry), an inventive and occasionally mischievous young boy in the town of Retroville, where he lives with his doofus dad (Mark DeCarlo), strict mom (Megan Cavanagh), and trusty robot dog Goddard. All day, every day, Jimmy comes up with outlandish inventions and contraptions, including a communications device that lets him talk with unknown life forms in outer space.

Unfortunately, one of Jimmy’s conversations launches an alien invasion of Retroville, with the parents of the town being kidnapped as part of a ritual sacrifice. Initially, Jimmy and the kids of Retroville are thrilled that that are no more parents to tell them what to do. But when they soon realize that they really do need their parents in their lives, the kids – led by Jimmy and his friends – head to the alien planet to rescue their moms and dads and bring them home.

There’s rarely a dull moment in Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius – whether it’s Jimmy causing chaos with his inventions, or the kids of Retroville arriving on the aliens’ home planet to do battle and bring back their parents. (There’s an especially exciting sequence as Jimmy and the kids turn the rides of their town carnival into spaceships to go battle the aliens.) Yet director and co-writer Jon A. Davis keeps the action from getting too overwhelming, while offering just enough character depth to make you care for everyone involved, even Jimmy’s classmate and nemesis, Cindy (Carolyn Lawrence). Also, the underlying message of not chatting with unseen strangers – which is what Jimmy does, causing the aliens to invade – definitely has a parallel to the Internet safety we preach to our children.

The film also features a pretty rockin’ soundtrack, with covers of classic songs by Thomas Dolby, Kim Wilde, and The Ramones, plus original songs by Aaron Carter and N*SYNC (hey, it was 2001; those guys were popular at the time).

If your kids like the Disney Channel show Phineas & Ferb (also featuring overachieving kids making wacky inventions), they’ll probably enjoy Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius. It has continuous action, peppy dialogue…oh, let’s be real: It’s about a smart kid who makes cool inventions, owns a robot dog, and travels to outer space to battle aliens. What kid wouldn’t be intrigued by a combo like that?

Rating:

What did Dash and
Jack-Jack think?

Both boys really got a kick out of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius. They were caught up in the action sequences, and – like any young boy – laughed at many of the jokes involving bodily functions (see some examples below).

Is it suitable for your kids?

Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius is rated G, but there’s content that some parents may find objectionable…

• Language: The following are said by different children: “barf,” “dweeb,” “nerd,” “got their butts kicked,” and “kick some alien buttocks.” There are also passing mentions of constipation, puberty, and a bachelor party.
• Humor: The film has its share of scatological humor: Goddard, Jimmy’s robotic dog, poops out nuts and bolts in one scene; an abducted father is sitting on the toilet when the aliens beam him up to their spaceship; one kid declares, “I’m peeing in the shower!” as he is shown from the waist up; the word “POOP” is shown as graffiti on a school statue; and several characters, including Jimmy’s parents, go into belching fits after drinking some of Jimmy’s specially created soda. Dad even says, “At least it’s coming out of the attic and not the basement!”
• Behavior: Bad-boy Nick (Candi Milo) encourages Jimmy to sneak out of his parents’ house after bedtime to go to the carnival. Jimmy does in fact sneak out, disobeying his parents’ orders.
• Scariness: The idea of aliens kidnapping and eating kids’ parents may be a bit much for very young children (though five-year-old Jack-Jack didn’t seem fazed by it). Also, one of the aliens declares to the children, “Now, you all must die!”

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

If she has no objection to the content described above, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius is a film for the whole family to enjoy, FilmMother included.

'Neutron?' Sorry, not on the list.

Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius
* Director: John A. Davis
* Screenwriters: John A. Davis, David N. Weiss, J. David Stem, Steve Oedekerk
* Stars: Debi Derryberry, Megan Cavanagh, Mark DeCarlo, Jeffrey Garcia, Carolyn Lawrence, Andrea Martin, Candi Milo, Martin Short, Patrick Stewart
* MPAA Rating: G


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Tales from the Script (2009)

DURING HIS ACCEPTANCE SPEECH for his honorary Oscar at the 2001 Academy Awards, legendary screenwriter Ernest Lehman (North by Northwest, West Side Story) said, “I accept this rarest of honors on behalf of screenwriters everywhere…we have suffered anonymity far too often…please always bear in mind that a film production begins and ends with a screenplay.”

After watching director Peter Hanson’s documentary, Tales from the Script, it’s debatable whether Lehman’s plea has ever been considered. Featuring interviews with dozens of screenwriters – including William Goldman (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid), Paul Schrader (Taxi Driver), Shane Black (Lethal Weapon), Guinevere Turner (American Psycho), John Carpenter (Halloween, The Thing), and Frank Darabont (The Shawshank Redemption, The Mist) – the film pounds home the painful truth to those who don’t know it: While the screenplay may seem critical to a film’s creation, screenwriting is arguably the most put-upon, degraded, and ultimately discarded profession in Hollywood. “An abused entity,” as Ghost scribe Bruce Joel Rubin puts it.

Of course, Hanson is aware that people like to hear other people’s war stories, and that’s what makes Tales from the Script so engaging. Nearly every experience the screenwriters discuss has significant amounts of hardship or heartbreak. The fact that these people create stories for a living makes the tales they tell even more compelling.

But the film isn’t just a bunch of screenwriters lamenting their trade. They offer advice on a myriad of topics: how to deal with producers, directors, and actors; the screenwriter’s role on a movie set (spoiler alert: there isn’t one); and how to cope when your script or project is taken away from you (“Learn to love it,” Carpenter says wryly).

While Tales from the Script is largely about the harsh reality of being a screenwriter in Hollywood – bad pitch meetings, disingenuous agents, endless rejections, moronic “notes” from studio execs – it does have occasional bright spots. Hearing how some of these established screenwriters got their big break is fascinating, and Justin Zackham’s story of how he wrote The Bucket List (and got it made with Rob Reiner, Morgan Freeman, and Jack Nicholson) is probably the most inspiring story in the film.

If it’s not already, Tales from the Script should be required viewing for all film school students and aspiring screenwriters. Because much like Tales from the Crypt – the horror series from which this film cribs its name – the life of a screenwriter can often be scary, and sometimes downright terrifying.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Tales from the Script is not rated, but does contain about two dozen profanities, including several F-bombs. There are also a couple of brief scenes of gore from the film BloodRayne. 13 and older would probably be the appropriate age for viewing.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

She would probably find it pretty interesting. And it’s not all just male screenwriters – Hanson also has several female screenwriters telling their stories, including a doozy by Guinevere Turner and her experience writing a script for Z-list director Uwe Boll (the aforementioned BloodRayne).


Tales from the Script
* Director: Peter Hanson
* Screenwriters: Peter Hanson, Paul Robert Herman
* Stars: Scores of screenwriters
* MPAA Rating: N/A


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The Golden Blaze (2005)

FOR HOW MUCH NETFLIX crows about its Just For Kids section, their selection of animated G-rated movies made for children above the pre-school level is anemic, to put it lightly.

But after several attempts to find just the right family film suitable for both Dash and Jack-Jack, one seemed to keep popping up: the relatively unknown 2005 release The Golden Blaze.

Plot:
Bullied schoolboy Jason (Khleo Thomas) has his world turned around when his dad, fumbling scientist Mr. Fletcher (Blair Underwood), accidentally gains superpowers much like Jason’s comic book hero, The Golden Blaze. However, the town’s Trump-like business tycoon, Thomas Tatum (Michael Clarke Duncan), was also affected by the accident – slowly turning him into The Golden Blaze’s arch-nemesis, Quake.

Critique:

The Golden Blaze sets itself apart from recent animated films in several ways, the first being director Bryon E. Carson’s choice of Flash animation (a la The Chosen One) versus CGI or 2D. True, it may have been a budgetary choice, but it immediately sets the film apart in today’s crowded animation market.

The plot is also unique, yet also so obvious it’s hard to believe no other superhero or family film hadn’t done it before. Watching Jason give his dad tips and lessons on how to wield his newfound powers provides many funny moments, but it also serves as a way for them to bond as father and son in a much less awkward way than before.

They say that a superhero movie is only as good as its villain, and The Golden Blaze delivers with Thomas Tatum, who eventually becomes the villainous Quake. He’s probably the best-written character, with a story arc and dialogue worthy of any mainstream or live-action superhero film.

Other strong points: The Golden Blaze’s action sequences come at a pretty steady clip, but stop short of becoming relentless. And it’s refreshing to see a superhero movie featuring a predominately African-American cast – including Thomas, Underwood, Duncan, and Sanaa Lathan (The Cleveland Show), as well as Neil Patrick Harris (A Very Harold and Kumar 3D Christmas) as a sarcastic comic book store owner – giving much-needed diversity to a genre usually populated by eccentric white billionaires with daddy issues.

It’s no surprise that The Golden Blaze won the 2005 Children’s Jury Award for Best Animated Feature Film at the Chicago International Children’s Film Festival. It hits all the marks for a kid audience: an animated superhero film about a boy who’s dad becomes a superhero, and the two grow closer because of it. But The Golden Blaze also does an effective job of addressing the struggles boys and dads can have when they realize neither one of them is perfect.

It’s the world’s worst-kept secret that every dad wants his kids to see him as a superhero, even if he’s not invincible. And in the highly entertaining Golden Blaze, that’s exactly what Mr. Fletcher wants from Jason: to love him for the man he is, not the superhero he’s become. And along the way, Mr. Fletcher is reminded that with great power comes great responsibility – not just as a superhero for the town, but as a father for his son.

Rating:

What did Dash and Jack-Jack think?

The boys were a little apprehensive at first, trying to adjust to The Golden Blaze’s unique animation style, but they quickly ate it up – enjoying the action and laughing often. The fact that the plot centered around superheroes and villains, and a boy’s role in it all, surely helped.

Is it suitable for your kids?

The Golden Blaze is rated G, but it does have a bit of questionable content for very young viewers. There’s a solid amount of comic book violence (punching, hurling, etc.), and Jason is bullied by several boys, including Thomas Tatum’s son Leon (Rickey D’Shon Collins), who verbally harasses Jason and punches him once in the face off-screen (you hear the thud, followed by Jason sporting a black eye). In terms of language, someone calls a fellow kid a “dodo head,” and Jason and Leon each utter “this sucks” once. Looking back, The Golden Blaze may have been a bit inappropriate for someone Jack-Jack’s age (6), but more suited for older kids and tweens.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

The Golden Blaze seems more like a film for dads and sons to watch together, but there’s no reason the whole family can’t enjoy it – FilmMother included.

Behold their awesome powers of...bowling? Skee Ball?
Bocce? Intergalactic soccer?

The Golden Blaze
* Director: Bryon E. Carson
* Screenwriter: Archie Gips
* Stars: Blair Underwood, Michael Clarke Duncan, Sanaa Lathan, Neil Patrick Harris, Khleo Thomas, Rickey D’Shon Collins
* MPAA Rating: G


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