Kung Fu Magoo (2010)

MENTION THE NAME “Mr. Magoo” to anyone under 30, and you’ll probably get a blank stare. Or in honor of Magoo’s handicap, maybe a squinting, legally blind stare.

Mr. Magoo was a series of cartoon shorts created in 1949 featuring the misadventures of Quincy Magoo (voiced by Gilligan’s Island star Jim Backus), whose incredibly poor vision put him in all kinds of slapstick misunderstandings, with Magoo completely oblivious to what was really happening. Over the years, Magoo has appeared in various TV series, holiday specials, and movies (including a dreadful live-action film starring Leslie Nielsen). The latest incarnation is 2010’s Kung Fu Magoo, which has Mr. Magoo (Jim Conroy) sharing a home with his nephew Justin (Dylan Sprouse), who mostly rolls his eyes at his uncle’s nearsighted antics.

After inadvertently saving a busload of students from a robotic villain, Mr. Magoo is labeled a hero and recruited by the government to infiltrate Bad Bad Island, with Justin and Mr. Magoo’s dog McBarker along for the trip. Bad Bad Island is led by the sinister Tan Gu (Lloyd Floyd), who is holding the Evilympics, where the toughest supervillains compete in events such as building doomsday devices, battling giant spider robots, and yes, knuckle cracking. Also competing is Justin’s hero, action movie star Cole Fusion (Chris Parnell), who’s there to prove he’s more than just another pretty face.

Despite the film’s title, we don’t get a lot of kung fu fighting from Mr. Magoo. (He gets his moniker because someone thinks he’s striking a Karate Kid-like crane pose while tangled in fishing line.) However, the film makes up for this by providing non-stop action throughout, mostly thanks to the Evilympics events and several chase sequences involving Magoo, Justin, and various pursuants. And while not every one of Magoo’s myopic misunderstandings is laugh-out-loud funny, several are truly hilarious.

A joint effort from DreamWorks Classics (formerly Classic Media) and Mexican-based Anima Estudios, Kung Fu Magoo maintains the spirit of the classic Mr. Magoo character within a contemporary, fast-paced, enjoyable film.

Rating:

What did FilmBoy think?

Initially, he didn’t know what to make of Mr. Magoo – but once Kung Fu Magoo got rolling, he was laughing out loud on several occasions.

Is it suitable for your kids?

Violence/Scariness: Cartoonish violence abounds (punching, knife-throwing, laser guns, rocket launchers, etc.); a boy bullies Justin on several occasions, mostly via water balloons.
Rude Humor: McBarker vomits over the side of a boat; a robot is kicked in the groin and self-destructs; a bird poops on Mr. Magoo’s head. Justin’s best friend in school is a poor Indian stereotype, with a thick accent and protruding teeth.
Language: “Jerk,” “freak,” “hotness,” “kicking butt”

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

She could do worse than having to sit through Kung Fu Magoo with your kids. It’s often exciting and intermittently funny. And if she’s a Gen-Xer or older, she might feel nostalgic seeing Mr. Magoo again.

“Um, Bob? You might wanna bring a deadlier weapon next time…”

Kung Fu Magoo
* Director: Andrés Couturier
* Screenwriters: Emmy Laybourne, Rob Sosin, Robert Mittenthal
* Stars: Jim Conroy, Lloyd Floyd, Dylan Sprouse, Cole Sprouse, Alyson Stoner, Tom Kenny, Chris Parnell, Rodger Bumpass, Maile Flanagan, Wally Wingert, Candi Milo
* MPAA Rating: N/A



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Superfights (1995)

SOMETIMES, I WORRY that I won’t see another film worthy of Trashterpiece Theatre. But then along comes a movie like Superfights, and all is right with the world.

“Superfights,” as if I have to tell you, are a type of pro wrestling/martial arts hybrid – “where no one knows the outcome!” the announcer assures us – with Superfighters sporting gimmicky nicknames such as Budokai, Dark Cloud, and Night Stalker. Mega-fan Jack Cody (Brandon Gaines) attends every event, even teaching himself the moves he sees his favorite Superfighters perform. (Conveniently, he works in a warehouse full of mannequins, which he uses as practice dummies.)

After Jack becomes a local celebrity by beating up a trio of would-be muggers, he’s recruited by Superfights president Mr. Sawyer (Keith Vitali) to compete in the ring. Jack trains with Angel (Kelly Gallant), a freakishly muscular female Superfighter who overtly flirts with Jack but may have ulterior motives. Watch in amazement as Angel trains Jack using the latest advancements in 1995 technology, including punching at a stream of light and dodging giant phallic pipes that dart out of the walls.

Oh, I almost forgot: Mr. Sawyer’s Superfights empire might be a front for extortion, drug running, mind control, and murder.

Superfights captures the pure essence of direct-to-video, B-movie action flicks of the mid-‘90s. The B-level acting. The hokey, overly serious training montages. The meathead, be-the-best mentality of the fighters. The gratuitous violence. The melodramatic soundtrack, awash in mid-‘90s synth and squealing guitar riffs. This one’s got it all, set against the martial arts hotbed of…Harrisburg, Pennsylvania.

The film also features other ridiculous moments, such as Jack getting attacked by a ninja while jogging in broad daylight – a ninja who, while fleeing, literally tells Jack to “just say no” to the “vitamins” supplied by Angel as part of Jack’s Superfighters regimen.

All that being said, the fight scenes in Superfights are in-sane. Director and fight choreographer Tony Leung gives us dozens of fights featuring rapid-fire exchanges, impressive editing, and over-exaggerated impact with blood, sweat, and spit flying everywhere. It culminates in a multi-fight finale between Cody and Sawyer that’s so amazing, I immediately replayed it once the credits started to roll.

A real-life third-degree black belt, Gaines’ role in Superfights was his first and last in films; he’s now a public speaker, rabbi, and acupuncturist living in California. Gallant, unfortunately, has had her share of run-ins with the law since Superfights, including a wrongful death lawsuit and recent arrests for DUI and probation violation.

Highly entertaining and a candidate for repeat viewing, Superfights delivers the goods in both martial arts action and cheeseballiness – rightfully earning its spot in the Trashterpiece pantheon.

(Bonus: Watch for a brief appearance by wrestling legend Rob Van Dam as a doomed Superfighter. His fight was originally supposed to be much shorter, but the filmmakers were so impressed with his physical abilities that they made his fight longer and took a full day to shoot.)

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Violence: The Superfights get increasingly violent, leading to bloodied faces and broken bones. Superfighters beat up citizens and two-bit hoods while collecting “protection” money. Several people are beaten to death, many with blood spurting from their mouths. A man is bloodily decapitated by a ceiling fan.
Sex/Nudity: Angel is seen briefly nude from behind as she enters a shower. Jack and Angel share a kiss wearing nothing but bathrobes. Angel makes several overt advances on Jack, with lots of grabbing and groping. Sawyer and Angel are shown getting dressed post-coitus.
Language: “A**hole,” “bulls**t,” “s**t”
Drugs: Superfighters are shown taking Sawyer’s steroid-laced, mind-controlling “vitamins.” A man snorts cocaine.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

If she’s the kind of person who enjoys B-movies and talking back to the screen, but doesn’t mind some violence and bloodshed thrown in the mix, Superfights could be a great film for you to share. Otherwise, check it out yourself or with some friends.

Experience the awesome Superfights trailer,

then try in vain to fight your urge to see the film:

Superfights
* Director: Tony Leung
* Screenwriter: Keith W. Strandberg
* Stars: Brandon Gaines, Feihong Yu, Keith Vitali, Kelly Gallant, Chuck Jeffreys, Cliff Lenderman, Brian Ruth, Patrick Lung-Kong, Karen Bill
* MPAA Rating: PG-13


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Kung Fu Panda 2 (2011)

WITH PIXAR AND DREAMWORKS BOTH RELEASING animated films this summer, it’s impossible not to compare them.

I’ve already expressed my disgust and disappointment with Pixar’s Cars 2. But will DreamWorks’ 2011 summer sequel, Kung Fu Panda 2, fare any better?

Plot:
As the legendary Dragon Warrior, kung fu master Po (Jack Black) guards the Valley of Peace alongside his allies, the Furious Five. When a frightful new enemy emerges, Po and company embark on a perilous journey to save China and the art of kung fu.

Critique:

Like most “part two” sequels, everything in Kung Fu Panda 2 is on a bigger scale than the original, and director Jennifer Yuh Nelson keeps everything epic without being excessive. The gorgeously drawn landscapes offer the ideal backdrop for the many action sequences involving Po and the Furious Five versus the vengeful peacock Shen (Gary Oldman) and his army of wolves. (Po’s master Shifu (Dustin Hoffman) is relegated to a bit part, showing up mostly at the beginning and end.)

The fight sequences, while sometimes too fast for their own good, are still amazing to watch. Other action scenes are just as entertaining, including a hysterical rickshaw chase between Po and one of Shen’s henchmen.

A reigned-in yet still-funny Jack Black returns as Po, who, in addition to being tasked with defeating Shen, yearns to find inner peace – which is played out in a touching storyline as Po learns of his adoption and the truth behind his real parents. As Po’s nemesis, Gary Oldman is perfectly cast as the voice of Shen, a completely different (yet just as formidable) adversary compared to the original film’s baddie, Tai Lung.

Kung Fu Panda 2 has great storytelling, exciting action, endearing characters, and even a surprise ending. It’s infinitely more clever, engaging, and emotionally involving than Pixar’s Cars 2. And it marks the first time I’m saying this about the latest DreamWorks film I saw, rather than the latest Pixar film: I immediately wanted to see it again.

Rating:

What did Dash and Jack-Jack think?

They were highly entertained by Kung Fu Panda 2. Dash and I laughed at a lot of the same jokes and gags, and we all got caught up in the action as it intensified in the third act (FilmMother included).

Is it suitable for your kids?

Kung Fu Panda 2 is rated PG for “scenes of martial arts action and mild violence.” There are several mentions of killing and a few implied deaths; a character is killed off-screen by Shen’s cannon; Shen’s army of wolves can be menacing at times; and a major character is killed by a falling boat mast.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

With its great combination of humor, emotion, and action, I think she’ll really enjoy Kung Fu Panda 2. (Oh, and the bunnies. Can’t forget the bunnies.)

Yes, this is Po as a baby. You may commence "awww"-ing.

Kung Fu Panda 2
* Director: Jennifer Yuh Nelson
* Screenwriters: Jonathan Aibel, Glenn Berger
* Stars: Jack Black, Angelina Jolie, Gary Oldman, Seth Rogen, Jackie Chan, David Cross, Lucy Liu, Dustin Hoffman, James Hong
* MPAA Rating: PG


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Chocolate (2008)

LAST YEAR, OUR SON JACK-JACK was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD).

It’s forced us to evaluate every aspect of his life in order to help him continually develop his social skills and avoid negative reactions to situations. Every day and every situation is unique – from peer interaction and school choices to whether he’s happy with the way he wrote his name.

As I was scrolling through my Netflix queue last week, I came across Chocolate by Thai director Prachya Pinkaew. I had considered watching it a couple of years ago because of my love of martial arts films (and the fact that Pinkaew’s 2003 classic Ong-Bak has amazing, action-packed fight scenes).

But after Jack-Jack’s diagnosis, another reason made my interest climb…

Plot:
Zen (JeeJa Yanin), a young woman with autism, is raised by single mother Zin (Ammara Siripong), a former member of a mob ring led by the sadistic No. 8 (Pongpat Wachirabunjong). Growing up, Zen discovers she has the ability to absorb precision fighting skills by watching martial arts movies on TV and observing a class of students training in the courtyard outside her window. When Zin is diagnosed with cancer and can’t afford the medical bills, Zen sets out to collect from those who still owe Zin money. But what will No. 8 do when he finds out the daughter of one of his ex-employees is taking money from his clients?


Critique:

Pinkaew does something very admirable with Chocolate: He doesn’t make Zen’s autism a one-note gimmick. He takes time at the beginning to show the emotional and social obstacles Zen faces growing up (these montages, accompanied by a beautiful lullaby-like score, are both touching and hard to watch).

As Zen, Yanin does an amazing job of capturing the many aspects of autistic behavior, such as obsessing over an item or hobby (be it martial arts, her collection of beads, or her ever-present tube of chocolate candies), fearing an everyday item (for Zen, it’s houseflies), or rocking left and right on her feet while examining something (Jack-Jack does that all the time).



Moving from emotional to physical: The fight scenes (choreographed by longtime Pinkaew colleague Panna Rittikrai) are fast-paced and have moments of inspired greatness. But Pinkaew doesn’t pull out all the stops in Zen’s first confrontation with baddies, or even the second one – he carefully ups the ante with each battle, sprinkling crazier moves and more lethal weapons into each subsequent clash. He saves the best for last: a one-two finale featuring a fight very similar to the House of Blue Leaves scene in Tarantino’s Kill Bill Vol. 1, followed by an insanely brutal showdown between Zen and a dozen henchmen along a third-floor window ledge.

A few cons: The continuous cycle of fights in the second act (Zen tries to collect money, debtor sic’s goons on her, she kicks their asses, rinse, repeat) sometimes makes Chocolate feel more like levels of a videogame than a progressing story. The added dashes of slapstick also felt out of place – if I want that, I’ll watch Jackie Chan. And Zen’s one-on-one fight against a martial artist with epilepsy seemed one step away from self-parody.

At the beginning of Chocolate, there’s a message from Pinkaew:

“The making of this movie was inspired by a group of very special children and a personal dream. To unleash the amazing potential of human movement that is not often seen in everyday reality. To be an encouragement to parents and the unconditional love given to all the special children in the world.”

With this highly entertaining film, Pinkaew unleashes that potential through a character whose disorder is her path to strength. And it’s a potential that parents of children with autism strive to unleash in their own kids every single day.

Thai, with subtitles.
aka Fury.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Chocolate is rated R largely for violence. There’s a lot of martial-arts fighting, several people are shot, No. 8 cuts off a woman’s toe, his henchmen rough up some “clients,” and many men die in a bloody samurai sword fight. During a fight sequence in a butcher shop, a man gets his foot caught on a meat hook, while a cleaver gets embedded in another man’s shoulder. Regarding sex/nudity, there’s a brief shot of a man’s bare behind, as well as a lovemaking scene (naked but no nudity).

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

The early montages of Zin caring for Zen will likely appeal to your FilmMother’s maternal instincts, and if you have or know a child with autism, Yanin’s performance will hit home. From there, it depends if your better half enjoys (or at least can tolerate) the violence and bloodshed that comes with Zen’s fights with the bad guys.

The voiceover auditions for Kung Fu Panda 3 went horribly, horribly wrong.

Chocolate
* Director: Prachya Pinkaew
* Screenwriters: Chukiat Sakveerakul, Napalee
* Stars: JeeJa Yanin, Ammara Siripong, Pongpat Wachirabunjong, Hiroshi Abe
* MPAA Rating: R


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Black Samurai (1977)

AFTER RECENTLY FINISHING Michael Adams’ excellent book Showgirls, Teen Wolves, and Astro-Zombies: A Film Critic’s Year-Long Quest to Find the Worst Movie Ever Made, I found myself with a list of supposedly terrible movies I felt I had to see in order to truly savor their awfulness.

First on the list: the 1977 kung fu/blaxploitation flick Black Samurai.

Plot:
Special agent Robert Sand (Jim Kelly) is asked by the CIA to save his girlfriend Toki (Essie Lin Chia) after she’s kidnapped by a voodoo cult led by the evil Janicot (Bill Roy). It turns out Toki is also the daughter of a top Eastern ambassador, and Janicot's ransom demand is top-secret information for a new weapon, the “freeze bomb.” Sand’s search takes him from Hong Kong to California to Miami, facing bad men, bad women, and bad animals (Janicot's pet is a killer vulture!).

Critique:
Black Samurai has all the trappings of the ‘70s action genre: groovy opening credits, a funk-tastic soundtrack, sketchy audio, poor looping, stiff acting, overdone karate sound effects, bad editing, lots of Aviator sunglasses, and sideburns a-plenty. But despite all that tasty kitsch, the film as a whole isn’t as satisfying.

In terms of performances, Kelly – who had a memorable supporting role in Bruce Lee’s smash Enter the Dragon – is the lead plank in the wooden cast. (According to Jim Brown, the makers of their film Take a Hard Ride made Kelly’s character mute because he simply couldn’t act.) Dialogue is delivered either in monotones or with misplaced emphasis; the only exception is Bill Roy, who effectively relishes his role as Janicot with proper inflection and smarm.

Low-budget grindhouse filmmaker Al Adamson – whose films weren’t “fun” bad movies as much as “bad” bad movies – doesn’t provide an even or energetic pace to the proceedings. Fight sequences are either quick and done, or drawn-out and lackluster. (Though Sand’s jet-pack sequence left me in a mix of hysterics, jealousy, and how’d-they-do-that intrigue.)

The framework of Black Samurai is a direct lift (read: rip-off) of Enter the Dragon: a debriefing of our hero by government agents who need him for a mission; the hero’s journey to a mysterious island to bring down the big boss; a climactic battle where our hero wipes out dozens of the boss’ guards almost single-handedly; and a cat-and-mouse finale between the hero and boss (instead of a maze of mirrors as in Dragon, Adamson uses a maze of catacombs beneath Janicot’s mansion lair).

In fact, everything in Black Samurai is second-rate – not just to the classic Enter the Dragon, but to the ‘70s kung fu and blaxploitation genres in general. I watched the first hour in one sitting, but having to finish the last 25 minutes a few days later felt like having to do homework I’d been putting off.

While Black Samurai is nearly unwatchable, it should earn an award for Most Ironic Line of Dialogue: After Janicot forces Sand’s CIA buddy (Biff Yeager) at gunpoint to lie to Sand over the phone and lure him into a trap, Janicot declares: “The government even trains its agents to be very good actors.” Hmm. Maybe Adamson should’ve gotten a government grant from the NEA and sent the entire cast of Black Samurai to The Actors Studio.

Fun facts:
* In Kelly’s opening scene, he’s playing tennis. After his acting career faded, Kelly became a professional tennis player, rising to number two in California in the senior men's doubles rankings and reaching the state's top ten in senior men's singles. He now works as a professional tennis coach.
* Adamson’s death is the stuff of one of his films: He was bludgeoned in 1995 at age 66 and cemented in the Jacuzzi at his home by the contractor he had hired.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Black Samurai is rated R for language (including a baddie declaring Sand will be “one dead n**ger” and Sand calling another bad guy a “Whitey faggot”), chopsocky violence, and other acts of aggression (people are shot, poisoned by snakes, stabbed, and blown up via car bomb). Also, partygoers ogle a stripper during a party at Janicot’s mansion (no nudity, but she gets down to a bikini top and thong).

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Moot point; it’s not worth watching. If she likes ‘70s kung fu and/or blaxploitation, I’d recommend Enter the Dragon for the former and either Pam Grier’s Coffy or Isaac Hayes’ Truck Turner for the latter.

If I cropped this shot any closer, you’d think
they were doing something besides fighting.

Black Samurai
* Director: Al Adamson
* Screenwriter: B. Readick
* Stars: Jim Kelly, Bill Roy, Roberto Contreras, Marilyn Joi, Essie Lin Chia, Biff Yeager
* MPAA Rating: R


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A Force of One (1979)

ERNEST TIDYMAN.

That name ring a bell?

No? Okay, how about these names:

The French Connection.
Shaft.
High Plains Drifter.

Ernest Tidyman wrote all three of those screenplays (and won the Oscar for French Connection). He also wrote the Shaft book series as well as several other novels before his death in 1984.

Based on that pedigree, and the fact that High Plains Drifter is one of my all-time favorites, I searched for more films written by Tidyman. Unfortunately, he had a rather limited screenwriting career, and only a fraction of his films are available for home viewing.

Still, one of Tidyman’s credits sticks out in his filmography, compared to the classics mentioned earlier. Of all things, it’s a Chuck Norris movie: 1979’s A Force of One.

Plot:

Santa Monica, California: It’s Christmastime, and someone is killing narcotics detectives by using martial arts. Stumped, the Santa Monica police enlist the help of champion kickboxer, martial arts instructor, and Vietnam vet Matt Logan (Chuck Norris) – who helps train the detectives in martial arts and offers some insight to help determine potential suspects behind the killings.

Critique:

In A Force of One’s DVD extras, director Paul Aaron says he did an uncredited rewrite of the script to make it “fit Chuck more” (never once mentioning Tidyman by name). That explains a lot, since I can’t imagine Tidyman was the author behind such a lackluster film.

The dialogue is forgettable and by-the-numbers, accompanied by a plot, cinematography, and soundtrack that make the film feel like a glorified episode of any given cop or detective drama from the ‘70s. Some of the scenes even seem ad-libbed, and not in a good way.

In addition to the weak script, there’s substandard acting by nearly everyone involved – including Jennifer O’Neill, Clu Gulager, Ron “Superfly” O’Neal, and Bill “Superfoot” Wallace.

Sadly and perhaps ironically for a Chuck Norris film, the martial arts sequences are sparse. Scenes of Norris handing out ass-whoopings outside of training and kickboxing matches are limited – which leaves him lots of time to dole out dialogue in his trademark monotone delivery. The action sequences that do take place are dated and bland, with many of the martial arts fights shot in slo-mo, accompanied by cheesy sound effects.

I’m hoping that A Force of One was either a quick paycheck movie for Tidyman to help him pursue other (read: better) creative endeavors, or that Aaron’s rewrite eliminated nearly all of Tidyman’s dialogue. Because what’s left is a ponderous, underwhelming film.

Tidbits:
* Tidyman is one of the few white people to win an NAACP Image Award, an honor given to him for creating the Shaft books.
* Norris’ opponent for his big fight in the finale, Bill “Superfoot” Wallace, was also John Belushi’s bodyguard. It was Wallace who found Belushi dead from a drug overdose.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

A Force of One is rated PG. It features several bloodless killings, mostly by the breaking of necks. There are scenes of drug dealing and drug use, including men snorting cocaine and a girl with track marks on her arm. There are also a few mild profanities.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Highly doubtful. And even if she is a Chuck Norris fan, he’s made much better films than this (comparatively speaking).

Kicked him so hard, he made him blurry.

A Force of One
* Director: Paul Aaron
* Screenwriter: Ernest Tidyman
* Stars: Chuck Norris, Jennifer O’Neill, Clu Gulager, Ron O’Neal, Bill Wallace
* MPAA Rating: PG



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