Taken 2 (2012)

THE ORIGINAL TAKEN gave us another reason to like the already likable Liam Neeson: We got to watch him dish out some serious kicking of ass in his quest to rescue his kidnapped daughter.

In Taken 2, we’re reacquainted with Neeson’s overprotective dad and former intelligence operative, Bryan Mills, who’s even more overprotective thanks to the events of the first film, where his teenage daughter Kim (Lost’s Maggie Grace) was kidnapped, drugged, and about to be sold as a sex slave. As Bryan copes with Kim’s new boyfriend (Luke Grimes) and her inability to pass her driver’s test, he invites Kim and his ex-wife Lenore (Famke Janssen) to join him on a security detail-slash-vacation in Istanbul. But soon after they arrive, the vengeful relatives of the kidnappers Bryan killed in the first Taken kidnap Bryan and Lenore, leaving Kim to elude the captors while trying to find and rescue her parents.

Let’s be honest: A large amount of the first Taken’s appeal was to watch Neeson dole out tactical and brutal revenge against the men who took his daughter. Unfortunately, he doesn’t unleash his very particular set of skills on the bad guys until the last 20 minutes of Taken 2. In the meantime, he’s telling Kim what to do via cell phone as he tries to find a way for him and Lenore to escape their captors.

There are also several scenes of incredulity that hamper the film. Neeson’s captors, who have him at gunpoint, wait until he makes and finishes a call with Kim before abducting him. Kim can’t pass her driving test, but she barrels down the narrow streets of Istanbul in a stolen taxi like Jason Bourne. The overuse of musical crescendos to tip off pivotal moments gets annoying, and a bit insulting. And much like how Taken tried to play off 25-year-old Grace as a high school student, it’s now even harder to buy 29-year-old Grace as a soon-to-be college freshman.

Despite the efforts of awesomely named director Olivier Megaton, and returning Taken co-writers Luc Besson and Robert Mark Kamen, Taken 2 is merely passable and ultimately forgettable. Bottom line, the adventure’s not the same when Neeson’s not the one who’s large and in charge.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Taken 2's rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and action, and some sensuality.
Action/Violence: A man is tortured to gather information; there is a lot of hand-to-hand combat; many people are shot; a few people are slashed with knives. There are several intense foot chases and car chases (featuring multiple crashes).
Adult Situations: Kim makes out with her boyfriend, fully clothed.
Language: Several occurrences of “sh*t.”
Alcohol: Bryan and Lenore drink wine in one scene.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Nothing really for her to see here. If pressed, watch the original Taken with her for a better experience, though the theme of child abduction and the intense violence may turn her off.
 

That's a helluva way to skip out on the room bill.

Taken 2
* Director: Olivier Megaton
* Screenwriters: Luc Besson, Robert Mark Kamen
* Stars: Liam Neeson, Maggie Grace, Famke Janssen, Leland Orser, Jon Gries, D.B. Sweeney, Luke Grimes, Rade Serbedzija
* MPAA Rating: PG-13



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The Expendables 2 (2012)

IF YOU TOLD ME 20 YEARS AGO that Rambo, John McClane, and The Terminator were in the same movie, I would’ve pulled a muscle in my sprint to buy a ticket. But now that the men behind those three action icons have finally joined forces in this year’s The Expendables 2, the experience is hollow, anti-climactic, and two decades too late.

Not that Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger share equal screen time. Like the 2010 original Expendables, this is Stallone’s show, with Bruce and Arnold in supporting roles (though larger than their opening-and-gone appearances in the first film). Here, Stallone’s Barney Ross leads the same team of mercenaries – Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Randy Couture, and Terry Crews – plus two new team members: young sniper Billy (Liam Hemsworth) and weapons specialist Maggie (Nan Yu).

The Expendables 2 opens with a spectacular attack and rescue sequence (despite cheesy CGI blood sprays and poor ADR). This ultimately leads Ross and his team to bad guy Vilain, played by Jean-Claude Van Damme, who’d be more intimidating if you could understand half of what he’s saying. Vilain and his small army plan to steal stockpiles of plutonium from an abandoned Russian mine and sell to the highest bidder, but not before Vilain kills one of Ross’ men. Judging from the pecking order of the cast, you can probably guess who it is (rhymes with “Shmemsworth”).

No one’s looking for high art in the Expendables films or the blow-‘em-ups of yesteryear they hope to emulate. But The Expendables 2 is dumb and ridiculous even by ‘80s standards. Cheesy one-liners elicit more groans than laughs, there are hackneyed references to the stars’ classic action characters and their catchphrases, and every other scene seems to be our heroes walking in slow motion to the “dum-da-da-dum” score by Bryan Tyler.

Essentially, The Expendables 2 is an exercise in missed opportunities. Li disappears after the opening sequence, Mickey Rourke (who had the most poignant scene in the original) does not appear, Van Damme and Lundgren never square off in a possible Universal Soldier rematch, and Chuck Norris’ cameo is pointless and uninspired (he’s basically the Mighty Eagle to the Expendables’ Angry Birds).

And yet again, not one member of Ross’ original team (despite the overwhelming odds) is killed or even seriously injured. Stallone and co-screenwriter Richard Wenk could have really upped the audience involvement by bumping off someone like Statham, Li, Lundgren, Couture, or Crews and made us thirsty for Van Damme’s blood. We can only hope that if the rumored Expendables 3 happens, Stallone and the filmmakers will take a chance and show just how expendable these kill-‘em-all characters truly are.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

The Expendables 2 is rated R for “strong bloody violence throughout,” and they ain’t kidding: shootings, beatings, stabbings, dismemberments, and immolation, to name a few. In addition, many, many things – from bridges to tanks to planes to buildings – are blown up, crashed, or demolished. Strangely, there is very mild use of profanities (though one use of “retard”).

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Highly, highly unlikely. Between the awful dialogue, bloody violence, and aged action stars, I think she’ll feel that what’s not expendable is 103 minutes of her life to sit through this.

Yay, we won! Orange whips on me!

The Expendables 2
* Director: Simon West
* Screenwriters: Richard Wenk, Sylvester Stallone
* Stars: Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Terry Crews, Randy Couture, Liam Hemsworth, Scott Adkins, Yu Nan
* MPAA Rating: R (strong bloody violence throughout)


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The Black Cat (1934)

I’VE BEEN MEANING to see Edgar G. Ulmer’s The Black Cat ever since it was part of Bravo’s 100 Scariest Movie Moments several years ago.

And even though the clip shown of The Black Cat on that special gave away the ending, it was such a horrifying image for its time that I felt compelled to see the entire film – and find out if Ulmer had pushed the envelope in other areas as well.

Plot:
Honeymooning in Hungary, Joan (Julie Bishop) and Peter (David Manners) share their train compartment with Dr. Vitus Verdegast (Bela Lugosi), a courtly but tragic man returning to the remains of the town he defended before becoming a prisoner of war for fifteen years and losing contact with his wife and daughter. When their hotel-bound bus crashes in a mountain storm and Joan is injured, the travelers seek refuge with famed architect Hjalmar Poelzig (Boris Karloff), whose house is built fortress-like upon the site of the bloody battlefield where Verdegast was captured. It turns out Verdegast and Poelzig share a past: Poelzig had coveted Verdegast’s wife, and Verdegast believes that Poelzig knows what happened to her and his daughter. Meanwhile, Poelzig has several creepy secrets of his own…and a hidden agenda.

Critique:

Lugosi and Karloff were two of Universal’s heavy hitters when they made The Black Cat – having starred, respectively, in Dracula and Frankenstein three years earlier. This was their first pairing together, and it’s exhilarating – almost surreal – to see them share screen time if you’ve never done so.

The ghoulish Karloff – clothed in black robes and constantly looking up at his guests from a downward tilted head – is the creepier of the two. He’s even introduced rising slowly in silhouette from his bed, making comparisons to his Frankenstein monster rising from the lab table impossible to ignore. Lugosi largely plays it straight as Verdegast, a wronged man bent on revenge. He’s so methodical about plotting his vengeance, at one point he even sides with Poelzig to prevent Joan and Peter from leaving. (The scene of the symbolic chess match between Poelzig and Verdegast is also a nice touch.)

However, The Black Cat is disappointing for anyone hoping to see true horror unfold. The first half is very pedestrian, with only an occasional dash of creepiness. That leaves roughly a half hour in this 65-minute film, and Ulmer (working from a script by Peter Ruric) doesn’t ratchet up the action or terror until it’s too late. Everything starts to come together in the last quarter of the film, but it feels like Ulmer’s racing to the end and merely touching on key story points so they’re resolved before the credits.

Other elements also tarnish any chance at The Black Cat delivering true scares. The dated, melodramatic, and sometimes inappropriate score by Heinz Roemheld often spoils what could be perfect scenes of tension or suspense. Poor editing reveals several continuity errors. And that horrifying scene mentioned earlier? The glimpse shown on Bravo is actually, and sadly, the entire shot – its shocking effect gone as quickly as the scene itself.

Revenge, secrets, betrayal, devil worship, necrophilia, incest – one would think all these topics rolled into one film would make for a shocking story to watch. But with the exception of a couple of moments and the final, frenetic fifteen minutes, The Black Cat is more drama than horror. It’s exciting to see two legends of the genre square off, but the pacing and payoff of the film are lacking.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

In The Black Cat, several people are shot, with one person dripping blood from their mouth; a driver is killed in a bus accident; two people are choked unconscious; Poelzig walks past a collection of dead (yet immaculately preserved) women suspended in glass cases; and a person is skinned alive in silhouette for several seconds.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Unless she’s a devout fan of classic Universal monsters, or the careers of Lugosi and Karloff, I doubt it. And if she’s a fan of Edgar Allan Poe, be forewarned: The Black Cat is Poe in title only.

"I like her hair. It reminds me of this bride I used to know..."

The Black Cat
* Director: Edgar G. Ulmer
* Screenwriter: Peter Ruric
* Stars: Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff, Julie Bishop, David Manners, Harry Cording, Lucille Lund
* MPAA Rating: N/A


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Class of 1984 (1982)

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME COMING, but it’s here at last: a new addition to Trashterpiece Theatre.

Plot:
The new music teacher at run-down Abraham Lincoln High School, pacifist Andy Norris (Perry King), clashes with student and gang leader Stegman (Timothy Van Patten), who declares the school as his own. The idealistic Mr. Norris soon becomes the main target of Stegman’s gang, as ongoing incidents build to a brutal showdown.

Critique:

Director Mark Lester (Bobbie Jo and the Outlaw, Commando) puts plenty of substance into Class of 1984 to raise it above typical B-movie exploitation. In addition to frequent and brilliant use of foreshadowing, he balances the sleaze and violence with scenes that give dimension to the characters and earn our empathy – such as Norris and his wife (Merrie Lynn Ross) talking about their pregnancy and Roddy McDowall’s biology teacher, Mr. Corrigan, tearfully lamenting to Norris that he feels like a failure at his profession.

A large part of Class of 1984’s personality is its atmosphere. The grimy, graffiti-covered walls of the high school, paired with the eerie and synth-tastic score by Lalo Schifrin, create a setting of decay and grime that oozes off the screen.

King is perfect as the peaceful Mr. Norris, who tries in vain to play by the rules to have Stegman’s gang arrested. Van Patten portrays one of the most underrated sociopaths in B-movie history as the formidable Stegman, the gifted delinquent who runs his gang, the school, and even the town’s punk nightlife. And while it may seem like he’s slumming here, McDowall gives a terrific performance as the cynical Corrigan, bringing more depth and emotion to the role than expected in a film like this. (Best line, as he raises a drink in his classroom full of caged lab creatures after hours: “To the lower animals. They never kill each other without good reason.”)

Of course, films like Class of 1984 aren’t any fun if the good guy always plays by the rules, and Norris finally takes matters into his own hands – starting with trashing Stegman’s prized car and ending with a brutal, nighttime cat-and-mouse showdown in the catacombs of the high school during a band concert.

Normally, the violence displayed would be repulsive and reprehensible. But in the context of a movie like this, it’s delicious, depraved, and deserving. There are gruesome, over-the-top kills – including a final death that’s a literal showstopper.

Class of 1984 does have its shortcomings. There are one too many “nobody saw them do it” excuses by the school administration and the police for not arresting Stegman and his gang. Van Patten overdoes the “crazy eyes” at times when putting Stegman’s psychosis on display. And Ross’ portrayal as King’s expectant wife is underwhelming and more of a plot device than anything (Ross was once married to Lester).

Class of 1984 is exploitative B-movie fun. True, it has a still-relevant social commentary and a solid story at its core. But it’s the layers of sleaze, grime, and violence that make it a highly entertaining Trashterpiece.

Tidbits:
* Co-writer Tom Holland wrote and directed two of the ‘80s biggest horror films: 1985’s Fright Night (also starring McDowall) and 1988’s Child’s Play.
* Lester often shoots Van Patten’s Stegman from below to make him more ominous, following D.W. Griffith’s adage, “Shoot from above for an angel; shoot from below for a devil.”
* Class of 1984 features an early film appearance by Michael J. Fox as Arthur, the innocent trumpeter torn between helping Mr. Norris or facing the wrath of Stegman and his gang.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

No. No it’s not. A big part of Class of 1984 is the violence, and it comes in many forms: People are bullied, stabbed, beaten, burned alive, dismembered, run over, hanged, and fall to their death. Two members of Stegman’s gang occasionally wear shirts featuring swastikas, and in one scene they do a mock Nazi salute as Norris takes attendance. There’s also strong use of profanities (including a few gay and racial slurs), a scene of full female nudity, drug and alcohol use, and a classroom of lab animals are shown mutilated after an act of vandalism.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

I’d love to get my wife, a high school English teacher, to watch Class of 1984 and hear her thoughts (she has a music degree, and both of her parents are retired music teachers). However, I think the brutal violence of the film would be off-putting to her. If you can get your FilmMother to watch Class of 1984, be sure to share her reaction in the comments.

“Hey, weren’t you in The White Shadow?”
“Yeah, aren’t you gonna be in Riptide?”

Class of 1984
* Director: Mark Lester
* Screenwriters: Mark Lester, John Saxton, Tom Holland
* Stars: Perry King, Timothy Van Patten, Roddy McDowall, Merrie Lynn Ross, Michael J. Fox
* MPAA Rating: R


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Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

LAST YEAR, filmmaker Robert Rodriguez released the grindhouse love letter Machete following the buzz surrounding his 2007 then-fake trailer of the same name. Critic and audience response was good, but not great. “Meh”-chete, if you will.

So when an outlandish red-band trailer surfaced online months ago for another grindhouse tribute flick, Hobo with a Shotgun, the question was raised: Was there any possible way this film could live up to such craziness?

Plot:
Rutger Hauer (The Hitcher, Blade Runner) is a hobo who rolls into a deteriorating, crime-ridden town (think Escape from New York meets Robocop’s Old Detroit), only to find it overrun by violence and ruled by a vicious crime lord known as the Drake (Brian Downey). The hobo's solution: Pick up a shotgun and start laying waste to crooks, corrupt cops, and lowlifes who cross his path.

Critique:

It’s funny how mindset and time of day can affect one’s opinion.

After a late-night, caffeine-ridden viewing, it felt like Hobo director Jason Eisener just missed living up to the hype brought about by the trailer. The film seemed compelling yet uneven, with only nominal character development beyond the relationship between Hauer’s hobo and Abby (Molly Dunsworth), the hooker he’s sworn to protect.

But after a second viewing the following day, my head was in the right place to soak in everything Hobo had to offer: It’s an over-the-top, blood-drenched, blood-spurting riot that would make a young Peter Jackson proud (Eisener even offers an homage to Jackson’s splatter classic Dead Alive by featuring a lawnmower as a body-chopping weapon).


Hauer overdelivers nearly all of his vengeful-vagabond dialogue, and rightly so, given the campy and exploitative nature of the film. But screenwriter John Davies saves most of the best lines for the supporting cast of baddies: There are so many ridiculously raunchy catchphrases that I can’t repeat them all here, let alone pick the best one. Beyond the actors and the action, the atmosphere of Hobo is accentuated by two key factors: its oversaturated color scheme and the retro/synth-heavy score by Darius Holbert and Russ Howard III.

Hobo with a Shotgun is an all-out attack on the senses. It’s part grindhouse homage, part graphic novel come to life, and totally out of control…but in the most entertaining way possible.

Fun fact: Much like Machete, Hobo with a Shotgun originated as a fake trailer for Grindhouse (but was only attached to the Canadian theater release). The trailer, also directed by Eisener, was the winner of the South by Southwest (SXSW) Grindhouse fake trailer competition.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

Hell. No. On top of the endless profanity, the vulgar threats made to random victims (most of whom are women), and the occasional nudity, the violence is graphic and relentless. People are decapitated, disemboweled, dismembered, crushed, tortured, hanged, shot, and stabbed. In addition, a baddie blowtorches a busload of kids, and in one scene Hauer’s hobo chews on broken glass.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

I’m guessing no, unless she’s into grindhouse flicks and can stomach a lot of bloody, graphic violence. Hobo’s more for a group of guys who can play off each other and hoot it up about the insanity taking place on the screen.

"Please don't shoot my dick off! I still have a lot of f**king left to do!"
(Actual line from the movie.)

Hobo with a Shotgun
* Director: Jason Eisener
* Screenwriter: John Davies
* Stars: Rutger Hauer, Gregory Smith, Molly Dunsworth, Nick Bateman, Brian Downey, Jeremy Akerman
* MPAA Rating: R


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Last House on the Left (2009)

I KNOW THAT Wes Craven’s 1972 film The Last House on the Left is heralded as a classic by many horror buffs, and it even has a fan in legendary critic Roger Ebert.

But for me, the original Last House is an odd blend of truly terrifying scenes juxtaposed with hippy-dippy interludes that somewhat dilute the tension Craven had successfully created. In my opinion, the reputation of Last House as a horror classic is more powerful than the film itself.

Fast-forward to 2009, and amongst the sea of McRemakes that have been flooding our theaters lately, there came a new version of Last House on the Left…

Plot:

The wholesome, well-to-do Collingwood family – dad John (Ghost’s Tony Goldwyn), mom Emma (Monica Potter), and teenage daughter Mari (Sara Paxton) – head to their huge summer house on Heavily Wooded, Winding Road With No Neighbors And The Nearest Town Is 20 Minutes Away Lane.

In town, Mari and her friend Paige (Martha MacIsaac) meet shy, brooding teenager Justin (Spencer Treat Clark), who innocently invites them to smoke weed with him in his motel room. Soon, the girls are introduced to the rest of Justin’s family: dad Krug (Garret Dillahunt), uncle Frank (Breaking Bad’s Aaron Paul), and Krug’s girlfriend Sadie (Riki Lindhome).

Since Krug and his cronies are on the front page of the local papers for murdering two policemen, he decides they can’t risk letting the girls go. But when the girls try to escape, their captors quickly become their torturers – beating, stabbing, and raping the girls before leaving them for dead.


Later that night, Krug’s crew stops for help during a thunderstorm at, by sheer coincidence, the home of Mari’s parents. Initially neither group knows the other has a tie to Mari, but that soon changes – and it becomes a violent battle for escape, survival, and revenge.

Critique:

Last House on the Left is the second Craven remake I’ve seen that has, on some level, improved on the original. (While no masterpiece, 2006's The Hills Have Eyes was much more harrowing and brutal than Craven’s 1977 version.)

I felt a bit uncomfortable during the first half of Last House, both in knowing what fate awaited the girls and then having to witness it. But the second half of the film – after John and Emma realize who Krug and company are and what they did to Mari – kept me glued to the screen until the credits rolled.

Sharone Meir’s cinematography and the musical score by John Murphy give Last House an atmosphere of mainstream drama rather than horror film, which makes the violence and terror that unfolds much more realistic – and possibly hitting too close to home, both literally for the Collingwood family and figuratively for the viewer.

Just like the original, Last House on the Left explores how the allegedly civilized can become the savages, either out of pure survival or brutal vengeance. And much like Craven’s 1972 effort, I would hardly call this version a classic. But it built and improved on the original, it entertained me, and I was exhilarated when John and Emma start extracting revenge on Krug and his crew.

Rating:

Is it suitable for your kids?

That would be a big fat no. Last House on the Left contains a slew of bloody shootings, stranglings, stabbings, and bludgeonings, as well as a graphic, lengthy rape scene, a close-up of a broken nose being stitched, and an over-the-top death by microwave. There are also several topless scenes courtesy of Lindhome, and Justin and the girls smoke weed in his motel room.

Will your FilmMother want to watch it?

Last House on the Left is tough to watch regardless of gender, but I would think that the violence and sexual assaults on the girls would turn off many female viewers.

Bottle of white / Bottle of red / Perhaps a bottle upside your head…

Last House on the Left
* Director: Dennis Iliadis
* Screenwriters: Adam Alleca, Carl Ellsworth
* Stars: Tony Goldwyn, Monica Potter, Sara Paxton, Martha MacIsaac, Spencer Treat Clark, Garret Dillahunt, Aaron Paul, Riki Lindhome
* MPAA Rating: R


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