It's like history, only better

What's the best way to gear up for a long hot summer?  Watching the over-the-top violence, nudity and "history" of the final season of Spartacus, subtitled: War of the Damned (on DVD).  Glibness of that first sentence aside, I think this show is far better than it gets credit for - yes, it is a soft-core gore-fest but it follows the basic history, the characters have meaningful arcs and act how they should act (with one notable exception).  The acting has gotten better, the violence is exquisitely choreographed, and damn if I haven't gotten to care about Spartacus, Crixus, Gannicus, Agron and the rest of those sweaty, scruffy, muscled guys.  The showrunners are smart too: by this final season, with the inevitable, fact-based conclusion just around the corner, both sides, rebellious slaves and Romans, are well-rounded.  The Romans, clearly posited as the villains of the series, are not all bad; the former slaves are not all in the right as they do some horrible, cruel things.

That said, I have not liked Naevia's character arc this season.  After Crixus rescued her from the mines, she learned to fight and took her vengeance on Ashur at the end of S2.  In S3, she has completed transformed into a single-minded, unpleasant warrior.  She has changed so much that she does not resemble herself at all (and I don't mean the recasting).  She is unceasingly angry and shrill and goads Crixus incessantly.  I don't have a problem with the character retaking her agency and not being a victim any longer but she has become an entirely different person and it's jarring.

The Naevia thing is a minor quibble, however.  Over the course of this series, the three straight Spartacus seasons plus Gods of the Arena, I have really come to like this show - in War of the Damned Gannicus vaults over a horse, knocking its rider off and then splitting the guy's head open; that's entertainment! - and I will be sad to see its end.

I. Am. Watching. Spartacus

I guess I've just been in the mood for sexy, sweaty gladiators these days.  Can you blame me?  I just finished Spartacus: Gods of the Arena, the six episode prequel, set five years before the events of Spartacus: Blood and Sand.  In this prequel, we get to see backstory on many of our favorite characters:  the doctore, Oenomaus, was happily fighting as a gladiator and happily married to a lovely girl slave before he was forced into management; Crixus comes to the ludus, unwashed, unshaved and unable to fight; Ashur had the use of both his legs and although he was still a schemer, he had hopes of honor in the arena.  Barca had a much more butch boyfriend.  Best of all, Quintus Batiatus and Lucretia - the wonderful John Hannah and Lucy Lawless - are there, young and ambitious but not yet corrupt; we get to watch as Batiatus's daddy issues force him into poorly planned schemes and Lucretia battles for her husband.

New characters add fun to the mix too.  Jaime Murray plays Gaia, Lucretia's BFF, a gorgeous Roman lady on the prowl for her next husband.  She introduces Lucretia to opium-fueled three-ways, encourages small orgies to court favor with important Capuans and inspires some awesome revenge.  The champion of the ludus is Gannicus: handsome and cocky, he is close friends with Oenomaus and his wife Melitta.  Gannicus doesn't have the charisma that Andy Whitfield's Spartacus did but he's fun nonetheless.

GotA is in a tough position because having watched the first season already, you know what's going to happen to many of the GotA characters.  Still, amid the over-the-top violence and sex, there are plenty of heart-wrenching moments that make you feel for these people, and that's what makes these Spartacus shows good.

Gods of the Arena was filmed during Blood and Sand's hiatus in hopes that series star Andy Whitfield would beat his cancer.  He didn't, which is really, really sad, but before he died he told the showrunners that they should recast his part.  They did and I've just started Spartacus: Vengeance with Liam McIntyre as the new Spartacus.  McIntyre looks enough like Whitfield that it's only a small shock to see him in the role; he doesn't have Whitfield's spark quite yet, but it's still early and Whitfield grew into the role himself so there's plenty of time.

Recap: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles S2E12 "Alpine Fields"

Good grief.  This one is waaaaaaaaay flashback heavy.  So annoying.  Makes me miss Lost.

Now: Derek is investigating a garage (?) when he hears screaming.  It's a very pregnant woman who has been shot through the chest.  Her teenage daughter is trying to help her.  Derek says that Sarah Connor sent him and he manages to put a tube down the woman's throat to help her breathe.  The girl says the cyborg shot her.  Derek: "So, how do you know Sarah?"

Six months ago:  Sarah and Cameron break into a house, telling the family living there that they've been targeted, their names are on a list that Sarah has.  Suddenly everyone is pointing guns at everyone else.  The dad, David, is Carlos Jacott, a three-peater from the Whedonverse.  The mom is Ann, who will be pregnant and shot in about six months, and the daughter is Lauren.  David wants to know what is going on.  Sarah gives them the Cliff Notes on the machines rising and killing everyone who threatens them in the past: apparently someone in this family is a threat to Skynet.  Cameron and Sarah force the family into their minivan and drive off.  The T-888 finds them soon enough and rams them with his pickup truck.  Sarah and the family scamper back to their house while Cameron and the T-888 fight.

Now:  Lauren notices the bar code tattoo on Derek's arm and asks him where he got it.  Derek: "From them."  Lauren tells him that the Terminator found them in Nevada and that her dad held it off while she and Ann ran for it.  It doesn't look like ol' David got away.


2037:  Derek disagrees with some plan his commander (the doctore from Spartacus) has to use a cyborg in fighting a bio-weapon.  Derek thinks he can go in and retrieve the sole survivor of that bio-weapon attack and see if the rebels can fashion an antidote or immunization from their antibodies (or something).  Okay, says the commander, but we don't know how long you'll have once you've been exposed to this bio-weapon.

Now:  Lauren tells Derek that it was her fault that the Terminator found them because she made a phone call to a friend.

Six months ago:  Sarah and the family make it back to the house.  David's leg is badly fractured so they splint it.  Sarah wants to know which one of them the cyborg is after.  David is a banker, Ann a housewife and Lauren is just a high school student.  Sarah goes full MacGyver, rigging the front door with a trap.  Lauren finds Sarah rummaging around in the garage and tells her that her dad is actually working with a tech company that does cybernetic stuff.

2037:  A gas mask-wearing Derek goes into the bunker that was hit by the bio-weapon.  Everyone appears to be dead - so why would any survivor still be in there?  He doesn't investigate too long, getting a little freaked out by all the bodies, and when he goes back outside, Jessie is there.

Now:  Lauren takes a gun and goes outside for some air.  When Ann wakes up, she scolds Derek for letting her daughter go outside alone. Derek rolls his eyes and says that Lauren covered for her mother when it was Ann who made the phone call that tipped off the Terminator.

Six months ago:  Sarah and Lauren finish the front door trap.  It comes out that Ann has been having an affair with neighbor Roger.

Now:  Ann's phone call got Roger killed.  (I have a hard time feeling any sympathy for her - she's pretty unlikeable.  And here's the thing: why exactly are we wasting time with these people?  Cameron got an episode so now Derek gets one?  Is this going to move the story forward?  We don't have many episodes left.)

2037:  This is the first time Derek meets Jess.  She caught an SOS and came to investigate.  Derek gives her a gas mask and they go back in, making it to the back of the bunker where there's a door.  Derek bangs on it.  Someone inside bangs back and the door opens.

Now:  Ann is getting worse. Lauren wants to go to a hospital but Derek says that until Sarah gets here - she's apparently off trying to kill this Terminator -  this is the safest place for all of them.  Lauren is all, if they couldn't kill the T-888 before, they can't kill it now.

Six months ago:  Roger is added to the mix and everyone squabbles, getting on Sarah's nerves.  Then Cameron gets tossed through the window, unconscious.  Lauren looks out the broken window and sees the cyborg.  David says that he's the one it wants and goes out to meet it.  The T-888 takes one look at him and determines that this is not the one it wants.  Ann 'fesses up that she's pregnant with Roger's kid and Sarah realizes that the Terminator is after the unborn baby.  Lauren hides in the closet as Sarah takes Ann to run for a car.

Now:  Derek says that they have to deliver Ann's baby daughter now.  Lauren is all, "Sister? Oh god, you're from the future."  Derek: Her name is Sydney and I knew her."

2037:  It's Sydney who opens the door for Derek and Jessie.  She says that their gas masks are useless since they're already infected.  They chat and then Jess gets really thirsty.  Sydney looks meaningfully at Derek - that's a bad sign.  The process is this: dry mouth, sweats, fever and shaking, lungs filling with fluid, death.  Jess doesn't have much time - in fact, she's already sweating.  The three of them decide to make a run for it back to base despite it being broad daylight out.

Now:  Derek tells Ann that her soon-to-be-born daughter has a natural immunity that will help cure a devastating disease, saving a lot of lives.  Ann likes the sound of that but her breathing is getting bad, plus the labor pains are really kicking in.  As Ann slowly fades, Derek and Lauren deliver the baby.  Ann lasts long enough to see her new daughter and then she dies.

Six months ago:  Cameron wakes up and helps Lauren out of the closet (literally).  Sarah and Ann run, chased by the Terminator.  Cameron drives up in an SUV and runs the T-888 over.

2037:  Derek, Jess and Sydney make it back to base, Jess fading fast.  Don't worry: she obviously gets saved.  She and Derek get adjacent hospital beds as they're treated for the disease, bonding as they get sicker and sicker.  Lauren is there too, working as a medic, and she thanks Derek for saving her sister.

Now:  Derek tells Lauren that she needs to hold on, to keep Sydney safe.  Lauren's like, but the machines keep coming, don't they?  Derek: I'm trying.  He asks her to come and stay with the Connors and, you know, she'd be a MUCH better match for John than ol' annoying Riley.  Derek calls Sarah and updates her. She got the T-888, so that's good.  He tells her that he invited Lauren to stay but when he goes back to get the girls, they're gone, already running.  He's disappointed but impressed with Lauren's gumption.

Previously on T:TSCC / next time on T:TSCC

Spartacus: Blood and Sand S1E13

Season finale: "Kill Them All" - SPOILER in that the episode title pretty much spells it out for you.  Hope you weren't attached to too many characters!  Also, this recap is kind of disjointed because the show kept bouncing around with flashbacks.  I'll do my best.

Batiatus and Lucretia are having a huge party to celebrate their new patron, the Legatus Glaber [note: I thought it was "Glaba" because of all the English/Aussie/Kiwi accents but according to Wikipedia, it's more Glaber/Glaberus].  All the best people of Capua are there, milling about in the villa, watching the entertainment: a fight to the death between Spartacus and Crixus.

Two Days Ago:  The doctore [wish he had a name but I'm too lazy to look up imdb] appeals to Batiatus to intercede when Glaber's soldiers brutally beat on the gladiators.  Batiatus brushes that concern aside, saying that he is hoping to move beyond the day-to-day management of the ludus soon: he is planning to free the doctore and have him run the ludus instead.  The doctore is stunned and honored; then, bravely, he asks Batiatus about what happened when Barca was "freed."  Batiatus admits that he did have Barca killed but - and here's the lie - it was because Barca went against his dominus's orders and killed that family.  Lucretia wanders in, still wounded from Crixus's rejection, and suggests to her husband that they have a Crixus and Spartacus death-match as the party's centerpiece.  With her heart broken, she wants to ensure Crixus's death.  When Batiatus tells Spartacus about the fight, the Thracian appears pleased.  He even asks for a treat: the slave girl Mira.  When she comes to his cell, he asks her to make sure the gate between the ludus and the villa is open during the fight.  She reluctantly agrees, but her price is sex with Spartacus, right here, right now.

The Big Fight at the Party:  At first, Mira is unable to steal away from Lucretia's side to open the gate.  As they grapple on the sands of the ludus, Spartacus asks Crixus to stand with him and his rebels.  Crixus refuses.

One Day Ago:  The doctore tells Crixus that when he is freed and in charge of the ludus, he'll bring Navia [Lavia?] back - all Crixus must do is get rid of Spartacus so he doesn't mess things up.  Lucretia is enjoying bossing Ilythia around, making her invite all her wealthy friends to the party, and even writing a little speech for her to give on her absent husband's behalf.  Ilythia is getting extremely cranky about this.  Down in the ludus, Spartacus approaches Crixus to join the rebellion, knowing that the other Gallic gladiators aren't likely to help if Crixus won't.  Crixus refuses but they do make promises to each other: if Crixus dies, Spartacus will find and free Navia; if Spartacus is the one to fall, Crixus will one day murder the hell out of Batiatus.  Asher, however, on Batiatus's orders, has obtained a potion that will weaken Crixus so that Spartacus is guaranteed a victory.

Big Fight:  Spartacus and Crixus are, of course, evenly matched with no sign of Crixus weakening yet.  Mira, however, has stabbed a guard in the neck, killing him.  She takes the guard's keys and opens the gateway between the ludus and the villa.

Morning of the Big Fight:  Batiatus is giddy with anticipation.  Lucreita pays Crixus a visit, telling him that it is his child she is carrying; when that does not sway him, when he continues to profess his love for Navia, she furiously lets him drinks from the cup Asher dosed.  Spartacus tries to make nice with Aurelia, Varro's widow, telling her that the magistrate's son Nimerius forced him to kill her husband. 

Big Fight:  Crixus begins to weaken and Spartacus tosses him around some, but tells him that he doesn't want to win this way.  Crixus pauses, then agrees to join Spartacus's rebellion.  Spartacus runs up and launches himself off Crixus's shield, vaulting up to the balcony.  He strikes at Batiatus but the wily dominus shoves an innocent bystander in front of himself and the guy takes a sword through the head.  The doctore's whip catches the Thracian's arm - until Crixus severs the whip with his own sword.  The guests panic, running screaming into the villa.  Crixus looks at the other gladiators and roars: "KILL THEM ALL!"  And then chaos and awesome violence ensue.  I can't even describe it - it's insane.

After the guards are killed, the gladiators enter the villa through the open gate and start slicing and dicing the unarmed patricians.  This is compounded by the fact that Ilythia takes the Roman soldiers and leaves, ordering the soldiers to seal the villa's doors from the outside, trapping everyone inside.  Nice.  Crixus finds Lucretia and asks her where she sent Navia.  She pleads for the life of their child and he replies that he'd rather see it dead than suckle from her breast - then he pushes his sword into her belly [not a euphemism]. Aurelia leads Nimerius off, ostensibly to safety, then asks him why he ordered her husband dead.  "Varro deserved to die," says the callow boy, and tiny little Aurelia pounces on him, stabbing him to death with a dagger and screaming.

In the main courtyard, the gladiators have Batiatus surrounded.  A badly wounded Lucretai tries to come to her husband but Spartacus bars the way.  There is some talk about how much does a husband want to hold his wife again ... and then Spartacus slices Batiatus's throat, nearly beheading him.  The immediate battle done, Spartacus looks 'round at the assembled gladiators and house slaves and makes a little speech: "...I would not see the passing of a brother for the purpose of sport.  I did this thing because it is just.  Blood demands blood ... It is done.  Your lives are your own.  Go your own path or join with us - and see Rome tremble!"  And the rebel survivors walk out of the ludus courtyard and into their futures.

Seriously: holy shit, nearly everyone is dead now.  This is who is left: Spartacus, Crixus, the doctore, Asher (who slunk off during the melee), Mira, Aurelia, Ilythia, a bunch of unnamed gladiators and - possibly - Lucretia.  This is a silly show, with weak dialogue and less than stellar acting, a focus on gratuitous sex and violence ... and damned if it didn't suck me right in.  Unfortunately, darling Andy Whitfield has had a recurrence of his non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and they've had to recast the role of Spartacus.  We'll see how the new guy does.  In the meantime, there's a prequel out now, set about five years before the beginning of S:BaS S1, showing the rise of Batiatus and Lucretia.  Since John Hannah and Lucy Lawless are quite entertaining scenery-chewers, I'll be picking that up when it hits DVD (as I am too cheap to pay for Starz).  Until then, let's all think positive thoughts for Andy Whitfield because, DAMN, man looks good in a leather loincloth. 

Spartacus: Blood and Sand S1E11 and 12

Episode 11, "Old Wounds" - Poor Spartacus struggles in the wake of Varro's death, unable to focus on his training, seeing spectres of his dead friend (and also Spartacus's dead wife) telling him to "mind the wound."  At first Spartacus thinks these visions mean the slight wound Varro gave him in their exhibition. 

Batiatus is taking his future into his own greedy hands: he kidnaps the magistrate, then promises Spartacus that the magistrate and his "whelp" will pay for the pain they have caused in insisting on Varro's death.  When Spartacus is chosen to fight in the primus in the games against Pompei, he asks that his winnings be given to Varro's widow; Batiatus thinks this is lovely and vows to match the purse.  Then he trots down to the sewers where the magistrate is stashed, planning to gloat.  The magistrate spits at him, saying that Batiatus is a low creature, only tolerated because the Champion of Capua is in his ludus - when Spartacus falls in the ring, Batiatus will also fall from favor.

Spartacus's wound becomes infected and he is confined to the infirmary; Crixus will fight in his place in the primus.  It goes badly at first, but as the rock guitars swell in the soundtrack, Crixus wins his match, ultimately putting the heel of his sandal through his opponent's skull.  Yuck.  Up in the box seats, a messenger tells the assembled patricians that the magistrate has been kidnapped.  Batiatus springs up and offers his men for the search and rescue.  Out in the town, Asher finds Batiatus's nemesis, rival ludus owner Solonius, and tells him that Batiatus kidnapped the magistrate.  He is clearly setting Solonius up: as Solonius rushes to the sewers, he finds the magistrate, throat cut, just as the search party arrives.  Solonius is arrested and dragged away while Batiatus grins.

In the infirmary, Spartacus awakens to find one of Batiatus's henchmen lying on the table beside him.  It's the man who brought the dying Zora to the ludus, claiming to have been beset by ruffians, and sporting a gut wound.  But there is no wound, no scar on this man's belly now.  Spartacus jumps on him, chokes the truth out of him - that Batiatus ordered Zora's death - and then chokes the life out of him.  All of a sudden, he's got clarity and focus again.  And when Batiatus commends him later, as he spars in the practice yard, Spartacus snarls, "I am myself again."

Episode 12, "Revelations" - It's stadium time again.  The dotore becomes suspicious when Spartacus mentions that although he's made many mistakes since becoming champion, he intends to make up for them soon.  When Spartacus is sent into the ring - and Oh. My. God. is Andy Whitfield gorgeous - his match is to be Solonius's execution.  Solonius tells the gladiator that Batiatus is the villain, not him; Spartacus promises him that Batiatus will be joining him shortly.  Solonius is still laughing at that when Spartacus knocks his head right off his body.  That evening, when the slave girl Mira is sent to Spartacus as a reward/diversion, he tells her that he knows that Batiatus had his wife killed.  She pleads with him not to attempt revenge since under Roman law, if a slave kills his master, all the other household slaves will be put to death.  Spartacus doesn't seem to care all that much.

As requested by Lucretia, Ilythia has asked her husband, the Legatus Glaba, to be patron of Batiatus's ludus.  Glaba is not inclined to do so, and makes veiled accusations towards Batiatus because of the recent spate of murders and disappearances in Capua.  Later, Ilythia tells Glaba to play along a little, toy with Batiatus and Lucretia.  Then she jumps his bones.

When Glaba and Ilythia go to the ludus, Glaba insists that the gladiators be brought up to the villa.  He wants a demonstration:  Spartacus, armed only with a practice sword, against one of Glaba's armed soldiers.  When Spartacus defeats the man, two more step up.  When he puts them down, the remaining five come after him.  It takes a while, but he clobbers them all.  Glaba is not happy at this, the worst [former] soldier in his platoon having become the greatest gladiator of Capua.  He says that he'll be Batiatus's patron if Spartacus will kneel before him.  Amazingly (and obviously with his own agenda in mind), the Thracian does so.  Still, Glaba balks and is about to leave when Batiatus plays his ace: he shows Glaba the severed hand of Lykinia, she whom Ilythia murdered in her post-coital rage.  That does it - patronage granted.  But Ilythia gets backhanded across the face and her husband tells her that she will not be returning to Rome with him.

Meanwhile, a bunch of other things happen.  Like, Lucretia finds out about Crixus's illicit love affair with her slave girl (Lavia?) and becomes enraged, beating the girl, cutting off all her hair and sending her away.  Crixus gets whipped for his indiscretions.  Lavia tells the dotore that Batiatus had Barca killed when he tried to purchase his freedom - and the dotore is quite upset about that.  And Spartacus begins to speak of rebellion among the other gladiators.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand S1E9 and 10

Episode 9, "Whore" - This episode might have been better named "Whores" because pretty much everyone in it is one, in some form or another.  Lykinia, one of Ilythia's highborn bitch-friends, has approached Lucretia: she's got an itch she wants Spartacus to scratch for her, but is concerned that her husband and all soceity might find out, which would ruin her.  Lucretia, ever looking to advance herself in society says not to worry, she can arrange things without anyone knowing ... and then Ilythia waltzes in, quickly deducing what Lykinia is up to.  Ilythia promises to keep the secret but Lucretia still worries.  When Batiatus informs Spartacus of his upcoming performance, Spartacus surprisingly agrees to it - he must be getting the hang of this Champion of Capua thing.

Crixus is finally released back to the practice yard by the medicus; Asha gets his leg brace off and wants to resume practice as well, but Batiatus tells him that his fighting days are over and he's more valuable to the ludus behind the scenes.  His honor hurt by this, Asha finds Solonius in the marketplace and informs him - for a price - that Batiatus will be making an attempt on his life soon.  Solonius is happy to pay for this information.  Lucretia (Lucy Lawless topless in the bath!) takes advantage of Batiatus's errands in town to call Crixus back to her bed; post-coitally, she snuggles into his beefy arms and tells him she loves him.

Shortly thereafter, Ilythia stops by again and confesses to wanting a little one-on-one gladiator time herself.  Lucretia is happy to set things up, for a price, until she learns that Ilythia wants Crixus between her own slender thighs.  This sets off QUITE a fit of pique and Lucretia can scarcely get herself under control before her husband starts wondering why she's so worked up about a gladiator.  She is PISSED, however, and vows to regain her honor.

The night of Spartacus's engagement, Lucretia hands him a mask and bids him to speak no words to this highborn Roman lady he's about to boink.  Her slaves wash him and cover him with gold until he looks like a statue.  He comes to the bedchamber where the woman lies before him, naked except for her own mask.  They go at it - and how! - passion building and building until Lucretia tears open the bedcurtains, the real Lykinia beside her.  "Oh," she mocks, "I guess we got here before Spartacus was done with Ilythia."  Spartacus pulls off his mask, then tears the mask off the woman beneath him.  It is Ilythia - and the horror is bald on both their faces, that they should be enjoying the bodies of their enemy so much.  Spartacus lunges at Ilythia, choking her, until guards pull him away.  Then Lykinia starts laughing and laughing.  Ilythia screams at her to stop but she won't, so Ilythia tackles her and beats her brains out on the marble floor.  Seriously: teeth scatter.

In the aftermath, Batiatus actually apologizes to Spartacus for having allowed him to be coupled with Ilythia; in return, the gladiator apologizes for having tried to choke her.  Heh.  Ilythia is a wreck at having killed a peer but Lucretia soothes her, promises to protect her and get rid of the body, all the while gloating at the position of power she's now in.

Episode 10, "Party Favors" - When the magistrate's son, Nimerius, is about to turn fifteen, he wants to have a gladiatorial contest at the party.  Batiatus and Lucretia offer to have the whole shindig at the ludus, thinking that they might be able to use the event to their societal advantage, plus Batiatus is beginning to have political aspirations.  They sweeten the pot with offering up an exhibition between Spartacus and Crixus and the magistrate's family is delighted.  Crixus is tiring of being referred to as the "former champion of Capua" and decides that the exhibition may have to be the end of Spartacus.

Lucretia insists that Ilythia, who is in hiding at the ludus, afraid to go out into society for fear that her crime will be apparent, invite all her high society friends to the birthday party.  She also suggests that Ilythia get her act together: Lykinia's body will never be found, and no one knew she was ever here.  Ilythia spends some time gazing out over the gladiators' practice yard and notices that Spartacus and Varo have become pretty good friends.  That old evil twinkle appears in her eye again.

The magistrate's family arrives early for the party and Batiatus tries several times to talk to the magistrate about support for his political endeavors, to no avail.  Nimerius gets dirty practicing with Spartacus on the gladiators' sands.  When he is sent to the bath to clean up, Ilythia finds him there.  She wants something and knows the best way to get it from a fifteen year old boy is to undress and climb into the bath with him.

Once the party is underway, Batiatus announces the exhibition between Spartacus and Crixus - but Nimerius, with a quick look at Ilythia, requests that Spartacus and Varo fight instead (which makes Crixus pout).  They do, each drawing a little blood from the other, until Spartacus gets the better of his buddy and Varo surrenders.  In the spirit of the game, Batiatus asks Nimerius what his decision is.  With another quick look at Ilythia, Nimerius deliberately points his thumb down: the sign for execution.  Batiatus stutters that this is just for fun, but the magistrate is inclined to indulge the birthday boy and says he'll compensate the ludus for Varo.

Things get tense quickly when Spartacus, horrified at what he's being told to do, hesitates to kill Varo.  The guards advance, swords drawn.  Varo looks up at his friend and says that if Spartacus doesn't kill him, they will both end up dead.  Spartacus is crying, unable to move, so Varo reaches up, grabs Spartacus's sword, and drives it into his own neck, forcing Spartacus to give him a mercy stroke.  As Varo fall to the floor, blonde curls in the pool of his spreading blood, the image is near mirror to that of Lykinia after Ilythia killed her.  Shocked, Spartacus looks up and catches Ilythia's eye - she smiles evilly, satisfied.

Later, as the party winds down, Batiatus finally catches the magistrate and asks about running for political office.  The magistrate manages to not laugh out loud, but tells him that politics is better left to those bred for it - Batiatus is just not high class enough.  When Lucretia runs up to ask how it went, her husband growls through clenched teeth that he will be repaid in blood.

Also bloody?  Spartacus, in his cell, as he rages and beats his fists against the walls, anguished over having murdered his only friend.  Seems being the Champion of Capua is not all that great after all.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand S1E7 and 8

Episode 7, "Great and Unfortunate Things" - [Quibble: I find it slightly unfortunate that E6 was titled "Delicate Things" and this one "Great and Unfortunate Things" ... the writers don't have a thesaurus?]  Moving on: Batiatus generously allows Spartacus to honor his poor dead wife with a funeral pyre.  Spartacus is very sad and not really in the mood for training.  The dotore (?) knows Spartacus was thinking about escaping with Sora and warns that next time the Thracian had better kill him instead of just drugging him, and then he pounds on the new widower for a while.  Crixus isn't doing that well either: he's got a fever what with his horrific wounds having gotten infected.  Later on, Spartacus learns that one of the other gladiators has been taking advantage of Barca's absence and is abusing little Petros, raping and beating him.  Our hero is SO not in the mood for this and simply throws the abusive gladiator off the cliff during practice.  Everyone thinks that was a shitty thing to do: sure, that guy shouldn't have been hurting Petros, but he was a gladiator and deserved to die in the ring, not tossed away like trash.

The next games in Capua are a celebration of some old Roman soldier and are to be a reenactment of his victory over a bunch of Thracians.  Batiatus wants Spartacus to play the part of the Roman hero; the tricky bit is that the Thracians he will be fighting are actually Thracian prisoners.  Spartacus is really not keen on fighting his countrymen until he realizes that this might be his out: he agrees, but only if the fight will be six Thracians to his one "Roman."  You know, gladiator-assisted suicide.  The fight goes badly at first, as one might suspect in a 6 v. 1 battle.  But then something awakens in Spartacus and he kills the hell out of all six Thracians, to the delight of the crowd - and Batiatus.  At the end, he renounces his old life, raising his arms and screaming, "I AM SPARTACUS!"

Episode 8, "Mark of the Brotherhood" - This new Spartacus has become quite the killing machine in the ring, laying waste to all comers.  The rich twit Ilythia is becoming bored and annoyed with her husband's nemesis's many victories and to keep her attention and patronage, Batiatus invites her to come see the newest crop of slaves he's buying, to check out the next generation of gladiators.  While Batiatus is at the slave market, Lucretia brings the recovering Crixus to her bed for some sexual healing.  Later, Ilythia reviews the new recruits - who include a couple of German brothers and a big Gaul with dreadlocks - she has them drops their loincloths and, unable to contain her leering, picks the Gaul (with the HUGE penis) to be "her" gladiator.  As Batiatus explains it, she'll pay for his food and training and he'll bring her glory in the ring - eventually.

When Crixus returns to the gladiators' quarters, he finds that the balance of power has changed; he is no longer the boss - Spartacus is.  Crixus can scarcely stand it and, faced with his venomous hatred of the Thracian (which is in part because Spartacus will not revel in the brotherhood of the gladiators as Crixus thinks he should), Batiatus considers selling the former champion off to some hick ludus in Damascus.  Lucretia gets very upset at the thought of losing her favorite.  To try to prove his worth, Crixus challenges Spartacus in the practice yard, but he has not nearly regained his strength and Spartacus handily kicks his ass and shames him further.  However, when Ilythia's Gaul, under orders from his new mistress, tries to strangle Spartacus in the bathing chamber, Crixus hears the struggle and saves Spartacus's life - saying that he is merely saving the life of a brother in arms, who deserves to die in the ring, not drowned in the bath.  As punishment, the Gaul recruit is castrated and strung up on a crucifix.  To his credit, he never sells out his scheming mistress, even as he dies up there on the wall.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand S1E5 and 6

Episode 5, "Shadow Games" - In an attempt to please the gods and put an end to the drought, Capua's magistrate is putting on some games, thinking that the human sacrifices (dead gladiators) might make it rain.  The magistrate wants some big guns for the primus (main fight): hiring Crixus AND Spartacus to fight against Theokoles, some undefeated monster of a man who goes by the charming nickname, the Shadow of Death.  Realizing that the odds are against them, Spartacus tries to get Crixus to work with him, to fight as a team against their common enemy.  But Crixus doesn't trust the Thracian, saying that he doesn't believe in the way of the gladiator, of glory - it's each man for himself.  In the less-testosterony portion of the plot, Batiatus starts an investigation into who tried to have him killed down in the Pits.  He learns that Solonius, a rival ludus owner, hired Whatsisname, to whom Batiatus owed a lot of money, to take care of it; instead, Batiatus takes Barca, one of his pet gladiators with him to Whatsisname's house to slaughter Whatsisname's entire family - Barca does it, but is unhappy about killing the little boy. 

Meanwhile, snooty little Ilythia condescends to arrange for a priestess of Juno to examine Lucretia to discover why she and Batiatus have been unable to have children.  The ritual demands that Lucretia have sex within the hour, but Batiatus is off investigating his would-be assassins, and when she summons Crixus to her bedchamber, the big lug pleads off, saying sex would drain him before the big fight.  Poor Lucretia.  Finally, at the primus, we see Theokoles: a scarred, misshapen giant, scarcely human, wielding two swords and no shields.  In no time at all, Spartacus and Crixus lay him out ... but it's a trick, and the monster comes at them while Crixus is celebrating, and wounds him badly.  Spartacus is left to press the attack alone, which he does mightily, at last decapitating the legend.  As the slaves drag the bleeding Crixus out of the arena, the skies darken and rain pours down, drenching our Spartacus, the new champion of Capua.

Nudity alert: to prove how much Spartacus and Crixus don't like each other, they do some nekkid wrestling in the gladiators' bathing chamber - yay! 

Episode 6, "Delicate Things" - It's still raining as Batiatus gives a victory speech back at the ludus - he's very pleased with ol' Spartacus.  And so he is also pleased to give our hero some good news: he, Batiatus, has found Spartacus's wife and she'll be brought to the ludus to serve as a slave until her husband wins enough coin to free them both.  I guess that is good news.  Downstairs, Crixus is in wicked bad shape as the medicus closes his wounds with a hot poker.  Spartacus does not intend to rescue his wife only to condemn her to another life of slavery and begins to plot to escape the ludus once Sora is delivered.   There is more conniving in the ludus and Barca, who is genuinely a nice fellow (recent murders notwithstanding) and only wants to gain freedom for himself and his little honeyboy Petros, is betrayed: Batiatus is led to believe that Barca did not in fact kill Whatsisname's little boy, who might be able to identify his family's killer, and so has poor Barca killed for disobedience.  They tell poor Petros that Barca was able to only buy his own freedom and left his little lover behind.

Spartacus's plan to escape with his wife is in place ... but when the cart bringing her arrives, she is terribly wounded, the cart purportedly having been attack whilst on route.  Sora dies in her husband's arms and it's all very sad.  Of course, this was Batiatus's doing: he only promised to reunite the two - he had no intention of letting his prize gladiator get away from him.  Lucretia is first horrified by then impressed with her husband's ruthlessness. 

Nudity alert: Lucy Lawless fully topless in the bath halfway through the episode!

Spartacus: Blood and Sand S1E3 and 4

In E3, the gladiators' training begins in earnest with much grunting, sweating, bashing about with practice swords and lifting of heavy things.  Spartacus is not much getting along with Crixus the Undefeated, Batiatus's prize gladiator (and Batiatus's wife Lucretia's occasional sex toy).  But Spartacus is determined to make a go of it, especially since Batiatus told him that he'll need much money to buy his wife's freedom, once Batiatus has located her.  So when Batiatus and Lucretia organize a gladiator tournament for the city of Capua, in an attempt to curry favor with Capua's senator, both Spartacus and his new BFF Varro (who needs money to settle his gambling debts), hope to garner places in the tournament that will net them some cash.

During the pre-tournament party, the Senator's hedonistic and snobby daughter Ilithyia develops a yen for gladiators, which includes watching with rapt attention when Lucretia orders Varro to service a slave girl in front of the guests.  Lucretia's delight at Ilithyia's delight is short-lived, however when the spoiled girl's short attention span turns elsewhere.  At the party, Spartacus learns that he and Varro are to fight in the first match, which will bring neither of them any cash, so he picks a fight with Crixus, in front of all the guests, forcing Batiatus to proclaim Crixus vs. Spartacus as the headlining fight to appease his audience.

Of course, in the tournament the next day, poor Spartacus is no match for Crixus who nearly kills him before Spartacus begs for mercy.  Batiatus grants it, sparing Spartacus's life, but the Capuan crowd is displeased at the mercy and Batiatus ends up losing a lot of money on the event.  To punish Spartacus for his major mistake, he kicks him off the gladiator team, saying that he must fight in the "underworld" until he dies or wins back favor.

S4 is Spartacus's trials and tribulations in the underworld: unsanctioned, highly-dangerous and -illegal fights to the death that take place in the catacombs beneath Capua.  It's all very ugly - the crowd especially is ugly, screaming for painful death for the combatants - and Spartacus has to dig deep to find the wherewithal to keep himself alive.  But he does, winning match after match (and gaining vicious scar after scar), and winning money for Batiatus, who sorely needs the cash to pay off his impatient bookies. 

After a time, however, Spartacus can take no more and tells Batiatus that if he will promise to rescue his wife, Spartacus will throw the fight: Batiatus should bet all he has against Spartacus; the Thracian will die; and Batiatus will make a killing.  The greedy Batiatus agrees but during the fight, as Spartacus is getting brutally pummeled, assassins make a move on Batiatus.  Knowing that a dead Batiatus will not be able to save his wife, Spartacus saves his master's life, and kills his opponent in the process.  Batiatus is in a tough position now: he's lost all the money he bet against his own man, but his life has been saved.  Troubled but grateful, he reinstalls Spartacus in the ranks of his gladiators.

In the B-plot, Crixus is not just a mass of muscles as he is secretly in love with one of Lucretia's slaves.  They must keep it hidden, however, because Lucretia (Lucy Lawless) is a jealous and vindictive woman.

Spartacus: Blood and Sand - S1E1 and 2

Starz's pay-cable series, Spartacus: Blood and Sand, is awesome.  Take the bloated Russell Crowe vehicle Gladiator, mix it with Gerard Butler's 300, add a TON more gratuitous nudity and even more heavily-stylized blood splashing across the screen ... and you've got Spartacus: Blood and Sand.  Seriously: the fight scenes are taken right from 300, what with the freeze-frames and the pseudo-motion capture and the gushing blood, and the revenge story is totally taken from Gladiator, except that our hero (played by yummy Welshman Andy Whitfield, now undergoing treatment for non-Hodgkins lymphoma and we wish him wellness) is a Thracian, not a disgraced Roman general.

In the first episode, the Thracians join forces with a Roman legion ostensibly to protect their villages from marauding raiders but when the Romans change their tactics, leaving Thrace vulnerable, the Thracian soldiers desert.  The Romans don't take kindly to that and capture the deserters, ripping them from home and family and forcing them into either slavery or, if they're tough enough, the enforced servitude of gladiatorship.  In the second episode, Spartacus - not his real, Thracian name, but we don't know what that is - learns what it's like to be in a gladiator training house: ugly, brutal and bloody, with multiple glimpses of full-frontal male nudity plus lots of nekkid butts.  Our hero is not inclined to fight, even to save his life, until his new master promises to help him find/rescue his beautiful wife, raped by the Romans and sold into slavery.

Solid female full-frontal nudity, quick and distant male full-montys, lots of boobs, serious sex scenes, sweat and dirt and blood and swear words (who knew the ancient Romans dropped so many f-bombs?) ... this series is hard to take seriously but is a lot of fun to watch if you're in it for the violence and eye candy.  Lucy Lawless, she of Xena and (to a lesser extent) BSG fame, plays the wife of the owner of the gladiators.  She's 42 and flashes a lot of skin - bare boobs and butt - and good for her as she looks great.

Despite being a decent success (word is, it improves as the season continues), S:BaS is in hiatus now, due to its lead actor's cancer.  I've heard both that they may recast the lead or they'll wait and see how his treatment goes.  Frankly, I'd like to see them wait for Andy Whitfield: after two episodes, he's good but not great, but with a twinkle in his eye that promises more, and DANG I approve of the tiny leather loincloth wardrobe has him in.  I'll keep up with these mini-recaps through the season, with more detail now that I've committed to the show.