Mega Piranha

Title: Mega Piranha
Director: Eric Forsberg
Released: Paul Logan, Tiffany, Barry Williams, David Labiosa, Jude Gerard Prest, Jesse Daly
Staring: 2010

Rating: 3 / 5

Plot: A mutant strain of Piranha, escape from the Amazon eating their way to Florida and they are only growing bigger.



Review: Every year we all eagerly await the list of films, which will make up the summer blockbuster list, while at the same time there are those of us, who are quietly placing our bets on which of these titles, will be receiving the “mockbuster” treatment courtesy of “The Asylum”, a studio which has carved a name for itself in recent years not with ground breaking ideas but instead for it’s knock off versions of summer blockbusters….“Snakes on a train” anyone?? Still last year they hit paydirt, with the release of “Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus” (2009) which not only was an original film (shock horror) with no recognisable film it also turned out to be a surprising breakout hit for the company, even getting a small cinematic release on the strength of the cult following it gained from the trailer getting heavy Youtube rotation.
Still despite this success it would seem that “The Asylum” have once again focused their attentions back on the Hollywood mainstream, with the forthcoming release of Alexandre Aja’s “Piranha” remake, it’s almost to predicatable that they would churn out their own version, while also not content to just rip off this film, but also the original two films, the sequel of which “Piranha 2: The Spawning” (1981) memorably provided the questionable launch pad for James Cameron’s career, with the films not only heavily references throughout, but instead basically both films, scrapbooked together into one truly random movie, with an added dose of gigantism.

Despite the fact they actually made a popular and original film, I did wonder if it would mean that this latest release might get more of a budget, which is a theory pretty much scrapped right from the start, with an early and questionable looking attack sequence that “The Asylum” haven’t forgotten their roots, as this is once again a hodgepodge of crappy looking CGI, Z list actors and err 80’s pop stars, but then was we really expecting anything else, especially when you consider that these are truly the values the company was built upon, much like legendry cult studio Troma.
Still it would seem that this time they are clearly trying to compete with the big budget action movies, of the Hollywood system especially with Director and long term Asylum member Forsberg, using a heavy mixture of fast cuts marked with “swoosh” and “Bam” sound effects, while large writing flashing across the screen, to highlight not just locations, but pretty much any character who happens to stumble in front of the camera, be they important to the story or not, he highlights them all, while at the time even finding time to throw in an occasional split screen moment.

One the worst things about “Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus” was the prolonged scenes of dialogue, which crammed up most of the film, along with scenes of the main three characters, hanging around a lab looking puzzled, as they stared at jars of coloured water.
Thankfully this film doesn’t fall into the same trap and is instead pretty action all the way, with Paul Logan making for a suitable gruff lead, even if he does at times kind of come off like the bargain basement Adam Baldwin, in the much the same way that Nicolas Lea was the cheapy version of Hicks in “Xtro 2” (1990). Meanwhile Tiffany makes for a questionable love interest and even more questionable scientist, as once again another 80’s pop icon appearing as a scientist, following the trend started by Debbie Gibson in “Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus”, which once again making the studio casting choices none the less questionable and making me wonder who they will dig up next, when they get around to making Uber Prawn or the inevitable cross over Mega Piranha Vs. Mega Shark Vs Giant Octopus.….Personally I’m hoping for Tony Basil.

As I’ve mentioned already the action quota is seriously ramped up here, with numerous attack scenes, with the scenes involving the super sized Piranha attacking a coastal town proving to be especially insane, while at the same time never explaining why the buildings are exploding, when they are hit by the flying piranha. It’s also a shame that Forsberg can’t seem to hold his wad, with the majority of the attack scenes, as they often feel over filled are far too frantic especially during the town attack, which only further to highlight the questionable CGI effects, though if you’ve made it this far in the film, you’ve no doubt gotten used to them already. It’s also interesting to see the same power station used so liberally in “Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus” once again appear here in similar style scenes, with the interior once again doubling for a submarine interior. I’m not sure what is so special about this location, but they sure get their money’s worth, seeing how it’s adapted once again, to fill so many roles.

Personally I felt that it overstayed it’s welcome towards the end and could have done with some trimming in places, but then I was attempting to watch it solo and the films of “The Asylum” always work best when watched with a few friends, some cold beers and some really low expectations, conditions under which I might have found it more enjoyable. Still in the meantime “The Asylum” machine rolls on and although they might be largely awful not only in terms of effects, but acting ability, I still at the same time have no doubt that this will not be last time I watch one of their movies, only here’s hoping next time I’m not so sober, when I try to do it!

Xtro 2: The Second Encounter

Title: Xtro 2: The Second Encounter
Director: Harry Bromley Davenport
Released: 1990

Staring: Jan-Michael Vincent, Paul Koslo, Tara Buckman, Jano Frandsen, Nicholas Lea, W.F. Wadden, Rolf Reynolds, Nic Amoroso, Tracy Westerholm

Rating: 3 / 5

Plot: The Nexus project has been created with the goal of creating a way to travel through dimensions. During the first jump, communication is lost with the team, during which time sole survivor Marshall (Westerholm) returns through the gate, unknown to the Nexus team infected with an alien species, which promptly escapes forcing the facility into lockdown leaving a small team of scientists and four heavily armed mercenaries to combat this new threat to humanity.

Review: Nostalgia can be a strange thing, with so many things, turning out to not be as essential as we might like to remember them, when looked back at through the nostalgia goggles, this is especially true when it comes to revisiting the numerous films which populated my childhood, which this film actually wasn’t one of, but still somehow managed to ingrain itself into my subconscious.
I first encountered this film, at my local video shop called “The video bug” which is sadly no longer there, having closed down about five years ago. I originally hung out there, as a way of playing the latest PS1 / N64 games, which I had no way of affording on what little money I earned from my paper round. What was special about this particular video store, was the fact that they never threw out any of their VHS tapes, which would usually happen with the other video stores, who threw out old titles to make room for newer titles, were as at the video bug they simply put in more bookcases, to store their ever increasing collection of films, which really had a lot to do with the owner being such a cheap skate, that he really wanted to make sure he got the most use out of the tapes, hanging onto them even when they started to stock DVD’s.
The advantage of this meant that you could go there and rent any number of the obscure and often long forgotten films, a lot still in their original big boxes. You have to remember that this was the 90’s and long before online rentals killed off these stores and seeing how I lived in a small costal town, this was the best way for me to see all the classic 70’s & 80’s horror films, which I’d heard about normally from the kids with more liberal parents when it came to what they allowed them to watch. However being a bit of a wuss when it came to gore I missed out on a lot of titles, normally satisfying my curiosity by looking at the backs of the various films and soaking in the various gory and violent images, but knowing that the majority of them I’d never really rent. It was here that I first encountered this film, whose cover stuck with me and was one of the titles; I’d wished I’d picked up when the store was selling off all their stock. Still while I was looking for ideas for titles to write about here on the blog I remembered this film and was suddenly over come with the obsession of tracking it down, even more so after watching the trailer, which also contains a bizarrely memorable theme, which even now is still stuck in my head.



The original “Xtro” (1982) spawned quite a cult following, mainly due to its brief status on the BBFC video nasty list, thanks to a memorable graphic scene involving a woman giving birth to a fully grown man. I’ve yet to watch it, but honestly you don’t have to have seen it to watch this film, as it is merely a sequel in name only, which appears to be a running theme with the series, as apparently “Xtro 3: Watch the Skies” (1995) has nothing to do with either of these films either, which is supposedly down to Director Davenport only securing the rights to the name and not the story rights, making this in more of a cash in on the popularity of the original, than any attempt in continuing the storyline.

It’s clear quite early on that the plot is heavily borrowed from “Aliens” (prepare to here this film being mentioned a lot in this review) which is not only quite an achievement for a film with four writers, but also something that is frequently picked up upon by pretty much anyone who has seen this film, but then this isn’t just giving the occasional nod here and there, but rather tearing huge scenes and reworking them into the film, with the most glaring scenes being the chase through the ventilation, the smart gun used by the merc’s and even the shoulder cameras using the same film stock as that used in “Aliens” though of course the most standout, having to be Davenports take on the chestburster sequence, which is almost shot for shot the same, bar the fact that its Marshall writhing around on a table by herself, rather than being surround by her fellow scientists.

Thankfully once the alien changes into it’s fully grown form, it at least looks original, even though we never get to see the creature in it’s full glory, thanks to some horrible lighting, which drowns the majority of the scenes it appears in dank darkness, which might build tension, but its pretty much wasted if you can’t see what the hell is going on. Sadly the majority of the effects are equally poorly handled, with kills nearly all happening off screen followed quickly by shots of fake blood being thrown at the walls, as the creature leaves blood covered husks of it’s victims, which is quite random for a creature which is supposed to be draining the moisture from it’s victims I’d have expected them to be looking more like grey dried out husks. Still as long as the monster doesn’t move it looks impressive enough, with it’s sluggish movements making zombies look speedy in comparison, which made me wonder how it actually managed to catch anything, as it shuffled around the deserted hallways bumping off the more disposable members of the cast.
The main question I did find myself asking, while watching this film, was what the mercenaries have against inanimate objects, especially seeing how they are seen frequently firing off countless rounds at ventilation shafts, the walls and pretty much any location the monster is supposed to be, but never once actually hitting the darn thing, they are supposed to be aiming for.

The characters are interesting enough, though it is clear that this cast were assembled on a budget, especially looking at the majority of the scientists working at the facility are decidedly average looking at best. Our hero on a budget Sheppard (Vincent) is quite watchable, despite director Davenport having to reportedly shout the lines to Vincent who didn’t bother to read the script, as his character references the incident in Texas constantly, while not actually bothering to let the rest of us actually know what happened, while Buckman steps up as the tough female scientist Dr. Casserly, even though by the time she steps up to this mantle she is yet another “Aliens” character rip off, as she comes off like a slightly less tough version of Ripley.
The most noteworthy appearance amongst the cast though is Nicolas Lea, who would go on to play Krycek in “The X Files” (one of the best characters in the series despite, what my wife might want to wrongly claim) and here can be seen here playing the bargain basement version of Hicks, while Koslo is fun as Dr. Summerfield the token arsehole, though it’s a role I would have loved to have seen Michael Rooker taking on, especially for the later scenes which see an infected Summerfield mutating rapidly into an alien human hybrid, while seriously cranking up the crazy factor. Meanwhile the rest of the cast, whose characters don’t resemble copies of characters from “Aliens” are quickly lumped into roles which require the minimum amount of character development (the wiseass, the jerk) and pretty much marking themselves as characters not worth getting attached to.

It might not have been a film worth obsessing over for as long as I did, but it is still an entertaining enough film to enjoy even if it does linger in places around the ass end of okay, while ripping of “Aliens” whenever given the chance, but then isn’t this what “The Asylum” have spent the last few years doing, making this film almost a blueprint for their output ethic.

MEG & My Killer Shark Obsessions

Isn't it funny, how more and more books are being advertised like films. I mean I can't count the amount of times, I've been watching TV when a trailer for, what I assume to be a film to suddenly pop up, totally grabbing my attention, to the point that I'm probably willing to sacrifice my first born in order to see it, only for it suddenly turn out to be an advert for a book, which isn't a bad thing, it's just you can't help but feel slightly cheated by this. James Patterson in particular has become notorious for this especially, but recently I found a trailer for the latest book in Steve Alten's cult giant shark series "MEG", which for this release of the forth book in the series "MEG: Hell's Aquarium", has also been given the fake movie trailer treatment.



The film adaptation of the first book "MEG" is currently still buried deep in pre production, with the last reports still having Jan de Bont (Speed 2) attached to direct and Nick Nunziata (he of CHUD.com) attached as a producer. However a recent article in the "LA Times" also named veteran Hollywood producers Lawrence Gordon ("Die Hard") and Lloyd Levin ("Boogie Nights"), as being attached to the project, which can be seen as highly positive for the long delayed adaptation, seeing how they are responsible for "Hellboy 2: The Golden Army" and "The Watchmen" finally making it to the screen, after both suffering numourus delays and setbacks, so fingers crossed they can do the same for "MEG" which so far has only produced so fantastic Promo art and little else outside, of some extremely random draft scripts, one of which having the giant shark having wings!! Not sure how that would have worked out, especially seeing how the idea of flying killer fish, barely worked with "Piranha 2: The Spawning" (1981), so how it would have worked to have a flying 70-foot Megalodon shark, I'm not overly sure.

Still in the meantime Asylum films are set to release "Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus" next week, which for those of you already associated with Asylum films and their DTV style of film making, you should know what to expect already........ but here's the trailer anyway.



And finally to wrap up this killer shark obsessed piece of blogging, I found this trailer for one of the numerous "Jaws" (1975) cash in's which appeared after the release of the first movie, which in it's wake spawned a whole heap of killer shark knock off's, which continue to this day, but this trailer actually has made me want to hunt this one down.



Still I guess this goes to prove once again, that even though I know the majority of shark movies outside of "Jaws" will suck, I will for some strange reason still find myself obsessing over them while hoping that one day we might see a "MEG" movie. Still in the meantime Steve Alten is running a competition, where the winner can get thier name, in the fifth book "MEG: Night Stalkers", which could lead to a random claim to fame, of having your character killed off by a giant shark...who knows?