The Mike's Top 11 Horror Films of 2013

I said it last year and I'll say it again - going to 11 never gets old.

I realize things have been a little bit slow here of late, and even the Midnight Movie of the Week is on vacation. But I'm not gonna miss my chance for a good year-end wrap up. Moreover, there have been too many horror movies I didn't have the chance to cover in 2013, so this is my way of making up time for all y'all out there who might not know how good 2013 was in the horror 'verse.

Before we get to the top eleven, some honorable mentions are in order, and some ground rules must be set. The most important of these ground rules is that not all of these films are strictly 2013 releases. Like previous years (here's 2012, here's 2011, and here's 2010), I'm considering films that a) were widely released in 2013, b) were provided to me for review in 2013, or c) were never widely released until their home video release in 2013.  So, there will be a couple of outliers but I assure you they are damn fine horror films and if you're that broken up about them being here then you're clearly being silly. OK?

Honorable Mention: 
(listed in alphabetical order)

American Mary - This might be #12 on the list, and it was a hard cut. I dig the Soska sisters' bold approach to filmmaking, and Katherine Isabelle owns the lead role. It's haunting in a gross kind of way.

Byzantium - I feel like I might be undervaluing this one, which is probably the biggest and most romantic vampire story in ages. Vampires have been a tool for lesser filmmakers of late, but Neil Jordan and company seem like they respect what they're doing here. That made the film stick with me longer than I expected.

Cockneys vs. Zombies - I feel like I've been fed up with zombies for years, but there's always a movie each year that surprises me. This year that movie was Cockneys vs. Zombies, which sounds like the worst idea but is actually a really funny and really exciting action comedy. 

The Conjuring - I don't get the love many have for this one, but I sure did have fun in the theater watching it. That counts for something.

Dark Skies - For my money, this is the most underappreaciated horror film of the year. I went to see it just because I wanted to make fun of it (and because I had to see the school counselor when I thought I saw a UFO as a kid), but it ended up keeping me entertained. Well written and intense; it feels more genuine than most jump scare horror films we've seen lately.

Frankenstein's Army - This one's here mostly because it's just so cool looking. It feels like a low budget twist on a Guillermo Del Toro film, with a nice tie in to World War II and some jolting surprises. Director Richard Raaphorst is one to watch.

Jug Face - A unique backwoods horror with excellent work from Lauren Ashley Carter in the lead. Possibly the most original horror film I saw this year, and I think it might grow on me as time goes on.

Manborg - Not sure I saw anything this year that was more ridiculously fun than this.

V/H/S 2 - A huge step up from the first film - which I liked a lot, too - and the much loved third segment in this one is probably as good as most people say it is. The whole thing still feels a little rushed to me, but I love the concept and wouldn't mind more of this series.

World War Z - It's mostly here because it was so much more exciting than I thought it would be and wasn't a total train wreck. Brad Pitt will do that for your movie.

(In the interest of full disclosure, here's a few limited release 2013 flicks I really want to see but didn't have a chance to get to before writing this. Maybe you'll see them on the 2014 list.
Berberian Sound Studio, Big Bad Wolves, Contracted, A Field in England, Haunter, Magic Magic, Only Lovers Left Alive, Resolution, We Are What We Are, Willow Creek, Witching & Bitching, WNUF Halloween Special, Would You Rather.)

Now, list time!

Number 11 - The Lords of Salem
(Directed by Rob Zombie.)

I'm surprised that I'm listing this here too. Rob Zombie has never been my favorite cup of tea, but I've always respected something about his films, even when he was ruining everything I love about the first two Halloween movies. (Oh, did I bring that up again? My bad. Still bitter.)

The Lords of Salem has a lot of the same problems Zombie's other films have - it's 100% style-over-substance, for example - but it's also the first time that his wife, Sheri Moon Zombie, has been a capable actress - and she actually carries the whole darn film. There's a lot of beauty in this grimy film, and Zombie manages to create something that bizarre and memorable visually. The ending falls apart, but I still feel like the whole thing works. Well done, Mr. Zombie. You have my attention in a good way for once.

Number 10 - Grabbers
(Directed by Jon Wright.)

Lots and lots of tentacles combine with a great comedic energy in this Irish monster flick, where likeable actors and a smart script reign. Richard Coyle and Ruth Bradley really work well together as the mismatched cops on the monster's trail, and the film ends up feeling like Shaun of the Dead than Tremors - two movies that any horror comedy should strive to replicate.

(By the way, this would be a heckuva double feature with Cockneys vs. Zombies, which you just read about in the Honorable Mentions section. Why do those UK folks get horror comedy so well when us Americans are making Scary Movies and A Haunted Houses? Poor America.)

Number 9 - Here Comes The Devil
(Directed by Adrian Garcia Bogliano.)

A Mexican homage to films like Rosemary's Baby, Here Comes The Devil is one of the creepiest horror films I've seen in a long time. The plot balances between human and supernatural horror very well as we learn about the evil at work in this family's life, and great performances by the young co-stars only make the film that much more effective. At the center of everything is a fantastic performance by Laura Caro and one of the best reveals we've seen in a long time. This one left me thinking and feels like a script from the 1970s that's been updated perfectly to modern times.

Number 8 - John Dies At The End
(Directed by Don Coscarelli.)

It's about time that I start talking about Don Coscarelli as one of the greatest horror filmmakers, at least when it comes to being bizarre and unique. The man who created Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep did it again with the clinically insane John Dies At The End, a dimension-crossing, drug-induced fever dream with all sorts of entertaining stuff. Like meat monsters. And killer mustaches. See what I mean?

John Dies At the End (or, J-DATE, as I like to call it) doesn't work as well as Bubba Ho-Tep did in the pathos department - heck, very few horror movies are as emotionally involving as that one - but Chase Williamson and Rob Mayes are perfectly adaptable to the randomness of the film as the leads. J-DATE also features top notch special effects throughout, and it's the rare film that I can truly say never suffers a dull moment.

Number 7 - Kiss of the Damned
(Directed by Xan Cassevetes.)

Style definitely won out over substance in many horror films this year, and Xan Cassavetes - the daughter of legendary director/Rosemary's Baby co-star John Casssavetes - provided one more example of that with Kiss of the Damned. This is another throwback vampire whose sexually charged roots spread into both Hammer Films' heyday and Italian vampire films of the '70s like Daughters of Darkness.

Shoddy acting aside - there's some language barrier issues at work here, even with English speaking Milo Ventamiglia - Kiss of the Damned is a captivating modern addition to the vampire subgenre, and - alongside the previously mentioned Byzantium - a nice reminder that some filmmakers are still willing to take vampires seriously when Hollywood doesn't.

Number 6 - The Last Will And Testament Of Rosalind Leigh
(Directed by Rodrgio Gudino.)

This is one of the few films this year that made my skin crawl. A son inherits his late mother's home, and soon realizes the religious artifacts around the house are related to some cult stuff and suddenly everything gets creepy. It seems like a standard plot, but the approach to the film by director Rodrigo Gudino really plays up the relationship between mother and son that ended badly.

Many horror films deal with unfinished family business, but here we get terrifying work from the great Vanessa Redgrave, a whole lot of commentary on religion and Heaven and Hell, and in the end everything just feels so incredibly tense that it's impossible not to be affected by The Last Will and Testament of Rosalind Leigh.

Number 5 - Maniac
(Directed by Franck Khalfoun.)

This seemed like a bad remake of a film that didn't need to be remade when it was announced, and the casting of Elijah Wood in the lead didn't inspire much confidence in this horror fan - who is now pleased to admit he was totally wrong.  Director Franck Khalfoun nails the sleazy tone of the original film and presents one of the most interesting portrayals of a mentally disturbed serial killer that I've ever seen on screen.

Khalfoun does a De Palma-esque job by keeping the camera inside the killer's eyes for much of the film, which creates a voyeuristic feeling that had me hooked on this film. Aided by a beautiful cast of potential victims (SIDE NOTE: That redheaded actress Megan Duffy who appears early in the film is literally the cutest thing. I just have to say that.) and a shockingly sinister Frodo, Maniac works. And it works really darn well.

Number 4 - Sleep Tight
(Directed by Jaume Balaguero.)

It's been about 11 months since I watched Sleep Tight, and just the thought of it makes me smile a sinister smile. One half of the duo behind the first two [REC] films provides this marvelous thriller in which a demented doorman (Luis Tosar, giving what is probably my favorite performance in recent memory) pines for a beautiful woman and then begins to do nasty things in the name of love.

My favorite thing about Sleep Tight is Tosar's performance, as he makes Cesar the doorman into the most Norman Bates-ish horror villain since...well, Norman Bates, probably.  I struggled with wanting to root for this guy, even though he was doing awful terrible things to this woman, because Tosar does such a good job of seeming lost in his love. It's probably kind of the same way we dudes always root for John Cusack when he stalks women, and I'm sure some feminists might say I'm evil for admitting what I just said - but the point I'm trying to make is that Sleep Tight is too good at getting the viewer involved and being creepy on a human level. And that's great horror.

Number 3 - Stoker
(Directed by Park Chan-Wook.)

The English language debut of the South Korean director behind the rightfully Vengeance trilogy, Stoker - like Sleep Tight - draws on the influence of Hitchcock and manages to be incredibly unsettling while entering into the characters' home life.

Mia Wasikowska and Nicole Kidman both shine as the women of the film who are dealing with death, but it's the consistently undervalued Matthew Goode who steals the show as the bizarre uncle at the center of the script (which was written, oddly, by television star Wentworth Miller).  Goode is perfectly stilted (it's eerily reminscent of this his turn as Ozymandias is Watchmen, only he's in a rich country home instead of a skyscraper) and his posturing throughout the film makes the character uncomfortable to watch. Park Chan-Wook plays on the same tensions between sex and violence that filled films like Oldboy, and with help from his cast leaves us with the most engrossing horror story of the year.

Number 2 - You're Next
(Directed by Adam Wingard.)

I saw this thing three times while it was in the theater and if it was in the theater right now I would watch it again. (It's not, but it is out on blu-ray next Tuesday and I will be watching it then.)  You're Next is kind of the ultimate junction between exploitation horror and slasher horror and torture horror and home invasion horror, and I'm still kind of in awe of it living up to the hype that had built around it over the last few years.  Even more so than last year's The Cabin in the Woods - which ran away from the pack as my favorite horror movie of that year - this is a perfect party horror movie to enjoy with a group of blood-loving film fans.

But aside from just being a gory spectacle, You're Next has some of the more intriguing characters who have been brought to life in years, and several performances that pop off the screen. Sharni Vinson takes the "final girl" role to the next level, while AJ Bowen, Nicholas Tucci, and Joe Swanberg all shine as the competing brothers in this dysfunctional family of victims. And, to top everything off, one of my all-time favorites, Barbara Crampton, gets to scream in fear one more time. There are about 470 reasons this movie makes me smile (Larry Fessenden's in it too, you guys!), and I imagine it'll hold a place in the heart of horror fans for a long, long time.

Number 1 - Evil Dead
(Directed by Fede Alvarez.)

I don't understand why horror fans aren't all in love with this movie like I am. I mean, I do understand - it's called Evil Dead but it's not The Evil Dead and horror fans are more defensive of their territory than a pack of opossums - but most of the criticisms I've seen lobbed at this movie make absolutely no sense in my mind. (P.S. - Even though I think you're taking crazy pills - I still love you, horror fans.)

Instead of talking about what other people think, I should probably tell y'all why I love Evil Dead so much, shouldn't I?  For starters, I should also point out that I love all the other Evil Dead films as much as anyone, and I wouldn't say this one improves on those films in any way. The biggest treat for me as I look at the four films that now inhabit this franchise is that each one has a different tone and feeling for the viewer than any of the rest. While this Evil Dead mimics some of the details of its predecessors and offers more than a few winks and nods at the series, it also makes enough changes along the way to feel unique and different.

I also love the lead character created for the film. Mia, realized wonderfully by Jane Levy, is not Ash - and she also doesn't need to be Ash for the film to work. Alvarez and co-writer Rodo Sayagues made a brilliant choice by introducing drug addiction to the series and Mia's arc through the story provides for maximum drama as the film unfolds. Some have decreed that this is not a "strong" female character, but this portrayal of a young woman who is dealing with addiction - a portrayal that spotlights the trials of her addiction - allows her to grow while fighting herself and the forces at work in the woods. Maybe she's not Sigourney Weaver in Aliens, but I think this kind of strong female presence is more real and accessible than it would be if the film had just made Mia a regular old-fashioned butt-kicker.

Most importantly, the film crescendos perfectly to a final confrontation that I think is as good as anything horror has produced in a long time. It's a literal bloodbath that is perhaps the goriest thing that's ever been sent to multiplex screens. It gives me goosebumps just thinking about it. For my money it might be the most beautiful horror sequence since Suspiria, and I don't feel like I'm being too hyperbolic when I say that.

Evil Dead has provided to be a divisive entry to the horror canon, and I am trying to understand when people voice their complaints about it. (Although, I generally feel like any complaint people have about this one is also a complaint that could be made about the original The Evil Dead - but that's a different story for a different day.)  I think the new Evil Dead is a welcome companion to the original trilogy that I love so dearly. It's one of the most exciting, thrilling, disgusting, and memorable horror films of this generation.

Have your own favorites that I missed? Love these movies too? Think I'm being ridiculous and bat-shit crazy? The comment section below is open. Here's to another great year of horror in 2014, and I can't wait to make another list and have these conversations again next January.  To paraphrase my hero Joe Bob Briggs and his thoughts on the drive-in, 2013 is a great example of why horror will never die.

(Any excuse to add Joe Bob to a post is an excuse I LOVE.)

Midnight Movie of the Week #193 - Re-Animator

Nearly thirty years later, Re-Animator still feels like one of the most surprising horror movies anyone's ever seen. Almost every horror movie from the '80s was repackaged and retooled into dozens of successful knockoffs, but Re-Animator still manages to stand alone as one-of-a-kind, even if it did lead to two sequels. It's a rare feat that a movie from this time period can actively make you want to not compare it to any of its contemporaries, and that's just one of the great things about Re-Animator.

A modern adaptation of H.P. Lovecraft's Frankensteinian tale Herbert West-Reanimator, Re-Animator is first and foremost a chance for the great Jeffrey Combs to make his mark as one of the most talented actors in horror cinema. There was a hole to be filled after Vincent Price, Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing faded away from leading man status, and Re-Animator certainly works as a jumping off point for its star. As West, Combs evokes memories of Colin Clive and Frankenstein while seamlessly fitting in to a post-Ghostbusters world of horror cinema. Though many point out the changes in horror through the '70s and '80s - first the gritty and decidedly un-gothic tales of the '70s and then the slice-and-dice slashers of the '80s - Combs' turn as Herbert West is one of the best examples of how "classic" horror could still live in the changing climate of the horror scene.

The story doesn't work with just the mad doctor - though it's arguable whether West really ever goes all the way to "mad", I might say that at his worst he's just delusional - which allows for the film's other stars to fit in to the script. Bruce Abbot gets top billing as the straight-laced medical student who gets caught up helping with West's experiments, much to the dismay of his girlfriend Megan - who also happens to be the dean of his college's daughter. Megan is played by the great Barbara Crampton, who is probably the best actress ever when it comes to just being shocked by all the disgusting things happening around her. The things she is asked to do in this film had to a bit uncomfortable for the actress - particularly when the film gets to its infamous climax - but she takes it all like a champ. Abbott and Crampton seem like they have the easier roles in the film - though it can't be easy to scream as loud and as often as she does - but it's imperative that they make simple characters feel unique as they play off of Combs' West and David Gale's creepy Dr. Hill, who becomes the film's biggest menace as it goes on.

It's important to note that none of these characters are portrayed as secondary to the film's gory sequences, but it's just as important to point out how well director Stuart Gordon uses gore throughout his film. The film is deceptively gory these days, because it spends so much time building up West's ideas and the way it effects the characters around him that my memory of the film always starts with images like the sequence where the two doctors re-animate their pet cat - a comical but gross sequence punctuated by Combs' sly "Don't expect her to tango" quip - and makes me forget the chaotic and bloody (and mostly naked) final sequence.  I'm not sure if Gordon's intent was to make us think Frankenstein and then surprise us with something out of Fulci, but if it was he did a darn good job of it.

Re-Animator's plot spirals out of control so quickly in the final act that it's hard to keep up. I've seen the film many times, and as I found myself looking at it again tonight I still lost track of where it was going next. There's something perfectly manic about the last 10 to 15 minutes of Gordon's film, and the pace at which things escalate only makes the film that much more fun to revisit. Everything builds to a final sequence that is perfectly morbid in the way it mixes chaos with human drama, which is probably the biggest lasting impression the film has on me. Gordon and company managed to turn Lovecraft's tale of terror into a gory masterpiece that makes us forget that it's gory, and few horror films out there engage the viewer as well as this one does.

Midnight Movie of the Week #125 - Chopping Mall

After Popatopolis, I felt like I needed a reminder about why Jim Wynorski belongs in the heart of the midnight movie lover, despite his more recent SKINematic adventures.  Enter Chopping Mall, the only slasher movie whose killers are robots that look like souped up and angry at the world versions of Johnny Five.  Wynorski's 1986 flick - the second of the 90 films he's directed - might be the greatest thing he ever did. That might sound sad to some, but I'm determined to make this a tribute to Wynorski's fine early work, not a reflection on his tit-flicks.

If you need a synopsis, here it is.  A bunch of couples - offset by nerdy guy Fredy (Tony O'Dell) and sweet girl Alison (Night of the Comet's Kelli Maroney) decide to have sex and/or petting (gotta keep one virgin in the game, right?) in a shopping mall department store after hours on a Friday night (apparently the store won't be open again till Monday...which seems kind of ridiculous).  The problem, as evidenced by the film's alternate title (Killbots), are three security robots, once known as "Protectors" who are malfunctioning due to a good old fashioned lightning strike.  When Benjamin Franklin discovered electricity, he was clearly looking forward to this moment in history.

With that synopsis and a script that includes lines like "I guess I'm just not used to being chased around the mall in the middle of the night by killer robots", Chopping Mall pretty much sells itself to the viewer.  This is the part where I'm supposed to pull a magic rabbit out of my film observing hat, and tell you how there's a deeper, underlying issue in the film that really makes me love it.  But, if I were to pull that trick right now...it would be a crock of crap.

With apologies to the deep meaning lovin' crowd, Chopping Mall is exactly what you'd expect Chopping Mall to be - a tongue in cheek flick filled with carnage, poor attempts at comedy, a few nude scenes, and the horror cliches that anyone who grew up in the '80s was born to love.  And it's that face value charm - the charm that comes out when you realize that Chopping Mall offers up EXACTLY what you'd expect from a film called Chopping Mall - that really makes this one a winner in my book.

Of course, expectations might run a little low for some - I'm ashamed to admit that I avoided this movie for years because I couldn't believe that it wouldn't find a way to mess up the premise - so perhaps I should point out a few high points of Wynorski's film.  The cast of '80s actors doesn't include any glaringly awful performances that detract from the experience. (On the flip side, Maroney and O'Dell are actually very likable, and the gorgeous Ms. Crampton is never a bad thing to watch.)  The camerawork and editing are professional, are accompanied by a synthetic musical score that fits the time period perfectly, and the whole flick clocks in well under 80 minutes - meaning it can't overstay its welcome.  I know it sounds like I'm basically saying "the movie does everything OK", but don't tell me you haven't seen an otherwise exciting b-movie ruined by one or more of those things going terribly wrong before.  The film also gets a boost in credibility - at least in my mind - because it's shot in the same Los Angeles mall that has hosted a ton of Hollywood productions, most notably - again in my mind - Commando.

The point? The point is that all of those things that you might expect would ruin a cheesefest like Chopping Mall are handled well by the director and his cast and crew, who were definitely having fun with such a sensational idea for a horror film.  It's truly a rare occasion when such a blatant b-movie meets its potential perfectly - Remember how excited everyone was about Snakes on a Plane? I love that flick too, but it certainly missed a few marks and left a lot of bad impressions - and that's the kind of movie that I'll always throw my weight behind.  If you're looking for something that you can write a term paper on for a film class, go elsewhere.  If you want to see the prototype for after hours cable cinema of the late '80s, go hit up the Chopping Mall.