Bitchslap

While I'm sure this was ripped straight from bootleg and has little to offer slavish fanboys of Slipknot's eponymous 1999 Roadrunner debut, MFKR is a refreshingly bold experimental record from a band that simply hadn't yet found its niche (or the all-encompassing influence of Ross Robinson). There is the funky "Confessions" more suited for a Mr. Bungle record, "Only One" dabbles in the nü metal genre they'd eventually be associated with (a smirk-inducing white boy rapping opus that would make even Fred Durst groan) and "Do Nothing" - an epic jazz/death metal amalgam with Ministry-esque vocals to totally fry your mind. As a whole, the glue of the record is still metal - actually very Metallica-sounding metal that seems a tad dated, even in 1996. My biggest problem with the album (and the reason its recording budget ballooned to almost $40K) is the piecemealing together of the drums and overdubs. It simply doesn't sound quite in time. An excuse could be made in the fact that there is a lot going on in the songs but that problem has plagued Slipknot for years (I almost found Iowa unlistenable at times simply because there was so much shit going on on once). Fans of Slipknot will either love or hate proto-versions of "(sic)" (they way-too-long opener simply titled "Slipknot") and "Tattered & Torn", but unbiased prog metal fans could be pleasantly surprised if they can get around the somewhat unrefined production (revisionist band history now considers this a demo record). I chuckled upon finding out that none of the members still own a legit pressing of this record. Enjoy.

Meld

Perfect Is The Life Of King

One of my favorite crossover albums of all time - a weird thrash metal hybrid from the mid-80's by an obscure Canadian band that never really managed to go anywhere. I'm sure I wasn't the only kid in north Jersey sporting a DBC t-shirt but I am sure I was one of the three. Interestingly, I ended up with this classic while down at a record shop in in Palm Springs, FL visiting my well-tanned grandparents. I had purchased some random LP by a forgettable Thompson Twins-knockoff called Secret Society solely on the appeal of the album cover (and the fact they had a song called "69" - heyooo!) that was so terribly unlistenable that I forced my poor grandmother to drive my 13-year old ass back to the record store. Well, just like today, you were banned from returning audio merchandise that was already open but my German-scowling grandmother threatened the poor register jockey to the point that he offered this album as a trade. And there ya go. The album easily holds up to this day - especially my favorites "Monument," "Power And Corruption" and "Terrorist Mind".  Cool political vibe as the Reagan-era drew to a close, there's nary a bad song on this one. Unfortunately I never could quite get into the band's sophomore LP Universe, but this eponymous debut will always have a special place in my heart.

Good trade, brah

Into My Hypercube

One of the better shows of my lifetime was nearly 24 years ago to the date - dragged down to the ol' defunct City Gardens in Trenton, NJ by a punk rock friend to see some depressing sludge band of whom he'd just grabbed their major label debut CD. That band was Soundgarden, opening for some weird Canadian prog rock (sound familiar?) four-piece called Voivod. Oh, by the way, the middle band on the bill was some unknown San Francisco alternative outfit called Faith No More. Needless to say, I stood with 6 other people to watch the two openers and was absolutely awestruck. I was also so drunk that by the time Voivod came on we were already out the door and heading home up Rt. 202. Post-show I actually felt bad I had missed the headliner, especially with such incredible opening acts (Soundgarden was especially awesome - Louder Than Love is just an epic album, hands down, and Chris Cornell was on fucking point that night), they had to be the absolute shit, right? I ran out the next day to grab the first Voivod album I could find (it happened to be Nothingface) and was instantly turned off by an overambitious quasi-concept album performed by musicians more interested in technicality than listenability. And gee, who went down in the annals of rock history over the next 5 years? Guess what, it wasn't Voivod. I foolishly pulled this one out of the dusty CD collection a few weeks ago with fleeting hopes that a more mature ear would hear something my drug-addled brain missed so long ago. Nope, it is still is as agonizing to listen to as it was 24 years ago. And I fucking hate Rush too.

The Unknown Blows

Most Of The Bands I Like Either Broke Up Or Now Suck

Way back in 2001 when they weren't hung up on doing annoying-as-fuck experimental noise nonsense, Ohio sludge outfit Sloth released their first full length LP parodying every genre in the industry. Every song on Division 1 State Champs is a gem and everyone who doesn't get the joke can fuck off. The opener "Paralyse" is a tough favorite to beat, an overwhelming sludgeasaurus of a track and it's the fifteen-year-old in me who loves "Story Of My Boobs" and "Ball Bra". There's a grunge song, nü metal song, Creed song (hilarious) and a few Smashing Pumpkin-esqe jabs. "Stoner Rock Is Dumb" is fucking right on point and almost makes me ashamed to have Orange Goblin in my CD collection. The killer thing about Division 1 is the fact that that Sloth is actually turning out some great music while intentionally making fun of everyone else's shit. Shame they gave up on their solid schtick for less interesting stuff. Oh well.

Hey Everybody This Is Not Rock 'N' Roll

Ram It Up

Unable to accept the painfully obvious trends of the music industry, MegaForce Records released a poorly-timed comp album in 1991 showcasing a few tired thrash metallers from the recently departed decade. I grabbed this CD for the M.O.D. rarity "If The Shoe Fits" - I've read (and hoped) it's from the U.S.A. For M.O.D. days but not so sure after hearing it - seems a little Gross Misconduct-y to me. Oh well, can't have everything, no? S.O.D. (yay!) and Venom contribute solid songs and I actually found myself digging the track by the idiotically-named T.T. Quick. Obscure NJ metallers The Beast show up with two songs it's always nice to hear Blitzkrieg's eponymous anthem. Rounding the LP out are some throwaway tracks by Anthrax, Overkill (ugh... I always fucking hated them), Testament and Mercyful Fate. Be forewarned - there is an absolutely awful awful rap-metal track (a la an even shittier "I'm The Man") by some fuckwad calling himself the "Lone Rager" (probably Johnny Z) which is why the [skip] button was invented. Truly terrible.

Thrash Memories

Prepare Yourself...

Probably the worst album I've ever featured in the 3-year history of this blog (and that's sayin' something), I present to you the Hard Corps and their abortion of a record, Def Before Dishonor. First off, this shit is all my fault. I remember seeing this video on MTV at some ungodly hour during my sophomore year at college and for whatever reason determining it was absolutely essential that I drop 13 bucks for the CD that next morning. I'm sure I was on several controlled substances at the time but still, twenty years later there is absolutely no excuse for my epic musical blunder. So what have we got here? Well, the song that hooked me was the title track: "Hard Corps." A sorry Anthrax-esque rap-rock anthem that seemed original so long ago (think: heavy Urban Dance Squad) with the typical "King Of Rock" riffs behind and chanting chorus - it's so banal I can't believe it was actually produced... by Jam Master Jay no less! I mean look at the clowns on the cover; you have your two token black vocalists (Dirty Bob and the Beast) and with their shitty-haircut white boy band behind them (including a couple dudes named Rev Kev and Machine Gun Kelly... are you fucking kidding?) Regardless, the rest of the album fucking sucks even worse. The sound, music and samples are so amateurish that it's laughable anyone with any status in the music industry had anything to do with this (I'm talking about you JMJ!!!). At times it doesn't even seem like half the band is playing the same song. They absolutely slaughter a cover of "Back In Black" which is so awful if I were AC/DC I'd fucking sue. And they have the gall to end the album with another cover, an amazingly shitty version of "Why Can't We Be Friends." An absolute turd of a song by a band who deserves no friends or fans or royalty checks. Check this one out simply for the experience.

Worst. Album. Ever.

Tail-Devouring Snake

Heard from Asilo drummer Sebastían regarding his new side project Uroboros. Tight sludge metal from Argentina, much more structured then the dirgy chaos of his other band; the companion albums Herejía & Exilio and Misantropía & Blasfemia were released over the last few weeks and showcase a cool blackened style of sludge. Herejía & Exilio is definitely the more experimental record of the two (the epic "Holocausto" recalls Corrupted's more ambient material) while "El Último de Nosotros" on Misantropía & Blasfemia is my favorite track - a slamming blast of groove metal to destroy. Check 'em here and enjoy.

I                                                                             II

Apple Pie

Holy fuck, is it early-90's time again? Yep. I don't know how many of you forty-somethings out there were suckered into buying this 1991 debut eponymous release by Queens funk/metal/soul outfit White Trash solely from their catchy "Apple Pie" video. Join the crowd. Months before Nirvana changed the music world forever, White Trash claimed their fifteen minutes of fame with a pretty unique brass take on the metal world which would later be more legitimately (and popularly) usurped by ska. The "Badass Brass" horn section added some much-needed individuality to the band - the music sounds like a cross between the Black Crowes and Fishbone. The annoyingly high-pitched lead singer can get annoying at times but he was actually exactly in sync with what the 90's were offering in terms of vocalists so what can ya do. "Apple Pie" will always be the perennial hit associated with this band but check out "The Crawl" and "Po' White Trash" - guilty runner ups that'll raise a dry smile at your next highschool reunion. Enjoy.

Crawl

Mo' Ex-Excel

Just a quickie post here - a couple extra lost tunes from the band of the hour - SoCal's defunct My Head. Two tracks that appeared on Suicidal Tendencies' 2001 compilation Friends & Family 2 as well as one that made it onto another obscure Infectious Grooves album as a "bonus EP" track. Enjoy.

The Beard

 
Currently watching: Morel Orel Volume 3

Currently listening to: Beautiful Mother Vanilla

Don't Waste My Time

Sadly forgotten debut by Excel veterans Adam Siegel (guitar) and Greg Saenz (drums) came too late in a music world being quickly overtaken by nü metal and fucking Sublime. Taking a cue from the way-ahead-of-its-time prog thrash that was The Joke's On You, Siegel added a nice touch of funk, psychedelia and even grunge ("I Don't Want Nothing" really has a Nirvana flavor to it) to their only album, 1996's Endless Bummer. Fans of 311, Chili Peppers, Fishbone and that type of shtick will easily find something to like with My Head - solid riffs with a lighter metal groove to it. Just bad timing - too late to ride the Faith No More funk metal wave and too early to ride the Incubus funk metal wave (ugh... did I just write that?) Now here's your chance to catch up. Enjoy.

Killer Hair

 
Currently watching: Eating Raoul

Currently listening to: Ween Caesar

Where's the goddamn drum machine?!?!

Shitty fucking night. Fucking stupid waste-of-my-fucking-time garage band has finally broken up. Fucking band rehearsal was a disaster tonight and the shit that's been building up for months finally exploded. I'm fucking done with the fucking pissing and moaning about "direction" when no one can agree on a fucking song or style to play to. I'm tired of lead singer syndrome and especially tired of big pick syndrome... especially when outside of our tiny rehearsal space no one cares about our loser fucking band. I'm fucking glad it erupted and ended - I'd rather spend the time recording my own shit then sitting behind the drums for 4 hours each week while clowns discuss what frequency they should tune at. We're playing fucking hardcore!?! Who gives a fucking motherfuck about your fucking harmonic tuning!?!? Ugh. Anyways, enough of my vitriol. If you're a fan of Bungle it's probably because you're a fan of Faith No More and got to a point after the release of The Real Thing where you were like "where did this Mike Patton guy come from?" Here's the last demo from the band that stuck together through thick and thin. Meaning, their charismatic lead singer joined another band and scored a top ten song which let him sign his old band to the same record label and then the rest is history...

Squeeze Me

 
Currently watching: Attack Of The Giant Leeches (2009)

Currently listening to: S.O.D. Speak English Or Die

Re-Re-Revisted

Don't ask why but I've been listening to a bit of old-school Metallica lately. And by old-school I mean pre-1991 Black Album Metallica. I've never really heard anything they've released since that era, I'm one of the many who found their gigantic crossover album really dry and dull; I was getting more into death metal at the time and just tapped out of being a Metallica fan. I remember the excitement leading up to the "Enter Sandman" video premiere on MTV and it was... just kinda... OK. As was the album. "Sad But True" wasn't too bad (but upon revisiting it - phew - that is one boring song) and I kinda liked "Don't Tread On Me" but all in all a real letdown. So why am I whining about it 20 years later? Well, it brings me to the Metallica album I liked the most - 1987's Garage Days Re-Revisited. In case you've been living in a cave on Mars with your fingers in your ears for the past two decades, Re-Revisited is a tight 5-song EP of the band covering some of their favorite New Wave Of British Heavy Metal tunes (along with a couple Misfits tracks to boot); but for all intents and purposes I've pretty much considered the obscure songs Metallica originals (in the same way "Hey Joe" is an original Jimi Hendrix tune - any Leaves fans out there can kiss my ass). I know such a statement will raise the ire of the two or three Budgie enthusiasts lurking throughout the Welsh countryside but there's not much I can say to appease other than that Metallica is the sole reason anyone still acknowledges them or most of the other bands named below (much thanks to the internet as well). With that being said, I thought I'd throw together a compilation of all those original songs for nothing else but to have something a little different to listen to. Included are "Helpless" by Diamond Head, "The Small Hours" by Holocaust (my favorite track), "The Wait" by Killing Joke, "Crash Course In Brain Surgery" by Budgie, "Last Caress" and "Green Hell" by the good ol' Misfits and "Run To The Hills" by Iron Maiden. Along with that I compiled the originals of a bunch of other popular Metallica covers - all before the godawful Garage, Inc. abomination in the mid-90's. "Turn The Page"? Excuse me while I fucking vomit. Here's Diamond Head doing "Am I Evil?" and Blitzkrieg with "Blitzkrieg" (both bonus tracks on the Kill 'Em All CD), Diamond Head (again) with "The Prince" (found on the B-side of my "One" cassette single), "Breadfan" by Budgie (B-side on the "Eye Of The Beholder" cassete single), Queen's "Stone Cold Crazy" (Metallica's contribution to 1990's Rubáiyát: Elektra's 40th Anniversary double CD) and Anti-Nowhere League's "So What..." from the "Sad But True" cassette single (thanks to the sadly defunct Colostomy Grab-Bag for the album cover idea). And with that purchase came the end of my Metallica fandom. I've tracked down some pretty fine quality tracks, I think completists will be pleased. Enjoy.

$5.98                         $6.66

 
Currently watching: The Night Porter

Currently listening to: Queen A Night At The Opera

Fucking Hostile

I remember the first time I heard Pantera. Some fucking Jersey party my good pal Dan dragged me to; he'd been spouting about this new band he was totally into during the drive down... fucking blah blah. Anyways, many hours and Meister Bräus later somehow he got in control of the stereo and "Fucking Hostile" hit the quadraphonic Panasonic shelf speakers. He almost flattened me being "that guy"... totally moshing by himself to a song nobody else knew. After hearing it for the fourth time in 6 minutes I knew I was getting welcomed back to a genre that I had discarded many years ago. I'm talking about metal, dude. Call it proto-metalcore or whatever, Pantera fucking redefined themselves after years of awful cheesy hair band bullshit and then redefined heavy music itself without going down the death metal route. And c'mon, the end to "Hollow" is probably the heaviest thing ever recorded - now or then. Here's a pretty fucking solid show from '94 when the guys were at their peak. Enjoy.

Part I                                                        Part II

 
Currently watching: Mutant

Currently listening to: This Gift Is A Curse I, Gvilt Bearer

I Feel Lovely...

What can you say about a band that has broken-up, reformed and changed styles more times than the fucking Bible has been rewritten? Suicidal Tendencies carved there niche in musical history with their 1983 eponymous debut - a tight 20-minute slab of SoCal hardcore which I still treasure to this day. Underproduced, underappreciated and underrated, Suicidal Tendencies broke up soon after Repo Man made "Institutionalized" a college radio hit only to reform in '87 as a relatively generic thrash band. Remember Join The Army? Probably the worst album ever released by Caroline/Suicidal Records, it was embarrassing back then trying to pretend the new ST was the old ST... and by the time the late 80's rolled around it was barely the same band, mainstay vocalist Mike Muir was the only holdover. OK, crossover thrash was the big thing at the time and ST grabbed hold to the bandwagon with their How Can I Laugh Tomorrow... and tried to suck up to their prog/thrash No Mercy incarnation with their ...Deja Vu release in '89. Yet I gotta give the Venice boys credit - 1990 was a perfect time to release what most feel is their strongest mainstream album: Lights... Camera... Revolution! "You Can't Bring Me Down" and "Send Me Your Money" were MTV staples (back when being an MTV staple actually meant something) and I think there were actually Grammy nominations for the album. LCR got the band a tour with Queensrÿche (I still got ticket stubs from that motherfucker!) and "Lovely" is easily the album's tightest track; admittedly while a bigger fan of their older stuff, I think the breaks and grooves (there's like 6 of them) were way ahead of what Anthrax or Faith No More were trying to do at the same time. At some point I grabbed the song's promo single (with bonus track!) and here it is. Since then, the history of ST has been annoying; an unforgivingly pathetic attempt to rekindle what started in '83 but can ya blame the guys? Reviews of their newer shit claimed fans "warmly welcomed" the new style.... really? Listening to "Suicidal Failure" has never been as cool as it was back in 8th grade. Good luck fellas.

La La La La La La

Currently watching: The Devil
Currently listening to: The Mung The Splatter Sessions

RVA Metal

Solid 1999 debut release from this Richmond metalcore band - while back then it sounded a lot like what everyone else was doing, ten years later it's a nice change of pace. I was fortunate enough to work with the lead singer back in the day and got to catch their formative gigs at the sadly defunct downtown institution Alley Katz. Good breakdowns, riffage and anger. As with most self-produced metal demos, the energy and sound of their live show doesn't quite translate into the studio but it's still a fine listen. While Presh-us faded out sometime around 2003, some of the members went on to form Thousand Yard Stare (check 'em here) which still (as of late 2009) seems to be doing their thing.

Check It

 
Currently watching: Dexter (Season 1)

Currently listening to: Vomitous Surgical Abominations Of Disfigurement

Lucifer comes to Louisville...

Going over some of these blogs and digging into my music collection, I've come to the realization that I've had the tendency at certain points in my life to buy up everything associated with whatever band I was really into. Stumbling upon Kinghorse's self-titled CD is a perfect case in point. Late 80's had me in full Misfits/Samhain mode - Glenn Danzig hadn't got annoying yet and when I discovered this Louisville, KY band's debut LP was produced by the guy (you should actually see the back of the CD cover, Danzig's name is in huge banner headline print) I had to have it. They have to be great... right? Well, maybe not so much. Surprisingly, the album sounds a little thin, from what I've read Kinghorse had a really insane live show and I can't say it's captured here. The music is fine, pretty standard post-heavy metal thrash, nothing too original. I'm not sure what Danzig brought to the table here (other than his name and Pushead), yeah, it's sorta dark and brooding in the November Coming Fire style (and just as poorly recorded) but that's it. Lead singer Sean Garrison was a regional Fiend Club president back in the day and a previous incarnation of Kinghorse called Maurice opened for Samhain several times so maybe they were just old friends. Regardless, the band has achieved significant cult status around its hometown, good for them. I've thought of selling this CD many a time over the years but am glad I've held onto it, funny snapshot into my "gotta have everything Danzig" phase of 1990.

Rumpledforeskin

Don't be fooled by the cover... no evil here

The band's bio on Black & Blue Records' website says this NJ Aquanet atrocity "pioneered Black Metal". Really? That's surprising since the band themselves describe their sound as "Gothic New Age Speed Metal" - and this was back in 1990. Well, to be honest, neither genre label is correct - Northwinds was one of the many post-heavy metal bands floating around NJ club circuit back in the late 80's. Ridiculous hair, ridiculous outfits and, most notably, a ridiculous sound. Cheesy generic metal with an absolutely awful lead singer (think the worst Overkill song you've ever heard) wailing through each song. It's a glam band trying to be "hard" by singing about PG-rated Gothic horror instead of chicks and it just falls flat, absolutely no originality anywhere. And the token Satan references are neither scary or silly, just retarded as the singer tries to James Hetfield-growl his way through the lyrics. But the crème de la crème is the last track, "Generic Mosh Song In E - Song One, Part V, Poser Boys Die!" Yeah, we get the joke, your mouth will drop open in amazement when you hear this one.

Get the Hairspray

Mean Murderous Metal

 

Have you ever seen I Spit On Your Grave? Great flick, but seriously, when you're done fast-forwarding through it you gotta admit there is absolutely nothing redeeming about it. No humor (not even black humor), no real "message", and even the "hick rapists get it in the end" plot line leaves you smacking with a somewhat bad taste in your mouth. You sort of feel filthy just for watching it. Same with Fornicator's self-titled LP, one of the more obscure hatecore bands off of legendary black-metal label Moribund Records. Kinda sounding like the gay sons of the Raunchous Brothers, ANTiSEEN or Cocknoose, they have the southern metal twang to them amid the obligatory horror movie/CNN samples. But what the hell, ya gotta love any band pulling out a GG Allin cover!

Rape Me

What the....?

 

The first album by supergroup Praxis is a bit of a tough swallow at first - I can't remember who actually brought it to my attention. Methinks it was the Buckethead-loving bartender at the restaurant I line cooked at years ago; unsurprisingly the guy was kind of a weirdo - one of those "just into weird shit to say that he's into weird shit" folk. In a (somewhat) unrelated story he once asked me over to play some guitar on some godawful Devo-like midi recordings he had done. I reluctantly obliged (gotta keep the bartender happy) and after playing some brutally awful guitar and drinking a ton of beers he throws on some amputee porn to "just chill out and laugh at". No shit. Interestingly, I don't know what was weirder - the fact that he threw on amputee porn or the fact that Tom Byron was acting in it... and I recognized him. I don't know what that says about either me or him but I guess it was a lean month for ol' Tom and ya gotta pay the rent. Regardless - this album is pretty much the musical equivalent of amputee porn - it's enticing in a weird way but annoying in others. Imagine an epileptic mixing a 64-track album mid-seizure and you have some idea of what to expect. Ethereal, heavy, fascinating, cyber-blasting, boring, jaw-dropping, slamming funky shit. Enjoy.

DownLaswell

3-Input Woman

Oh man, where to begin when trying to describe Pennsylvania's 3-Input Woman when it's hard to find anything acknowledging their very existence across the internet? From what little info is out there, it appears they were Jesse Kling (guitar), Tim Kratz (vocals/drums), and either Lou Ceccoli or Glenn Sykes (ex-General Surgery, Regurgitate) on bass. Or maybe both, who knows. What I do remember is downloading a bunch of mp3's in all their 24 kbps glory from some "band site" back in 2001. Roughly rehearsed, roughly recorded and generally rough to listen to (turn down that treble guys, I mean c'mon!!!), the tracks are pure gold. Raw and pounding with a groovy "gestapo stomp" to boot, with song titles in the humorous "let's-just-piss-off-everyone" style Anal Cunt made popular a few years earlier. Supposedly a bunch of the band went on to create the Pennsylvania Connection, equally offensive (and obscure) scumrock purveyors. If they sound anything like this, they are definitely on my want list. But for now, check out these (demo?) tracks and bask in their hateful, heretical, hilarious greatness, still as ear-piercing as they were a decade ago.

Satan's Potluck