Autopsy (Review)

Autopsy

Autopsy (2008)

Directed by Adam Gierasch

[Think the Slap Chop infomercial]

Part of the mega awesome After Dark Horrorfest movies of 2009! we'd like to introduce you to Autopsy! Where we take every horror cliche and repackage it, put on the shelves and hope somebody buys it.

You want sterotypical, young looking hotties?

You got it!

You want fake looking latex mannequins that ooze out too much blood and have chicken parts as intenstines?

You betcha!

You want a creepy, abandoned hospital in Louisiana?

It's yours!

But that's not all. We'll even throw in a psycho, mad crazy doctor played by the one and only T-1000 Robert Patrick!

He slices and dices and so does the entire hospital staff!

How much would you pay for this? $9.99? $19.99? $49.99? Your first born? How about your soul?

But before you act to quickly, lets go over what you get.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A young woman tries to find her injured boyfriend in a bizzare and dangerous hospital

Awesome Review-O-Matic

People have often thought our product was similar to say Insanitarium and many other cliched horror films.

But that's not true!

We got much more than that.

We've assembled super duper generic stereoptypical characters! We've got:

1.) Brunette, slutty final girl
2.) Generic boyfriend dude
3.) Druggie stoner
4.) Blonde bimbo bimbette
5.) Foreign guy

And trust me, they're all fuckin dumb as bricks!

But check this out! Our baddies are more of the same, because we think recycled horror indie veterans make this feel all snuggy!

1.) Robert fuckin Patrick!
2.) That Mexican gangsta looking guy thats in all those crime movies
3.) Some big white biker motherfucker
4.) Crazy fuckin meat cleaver wielding nurse

And a hundred walking mindless patients! With inept cops!

You're probably asking about plot. Why would a mad doc want to kill all these partying, Spring Break-ing kids?

Because he's trying to rehabilitate his semi dead wife back together! How about that!

If you watch this movie for the entire 90 minutes, we'll throw in the following absolutely free.
A ton of gratuitous quick scares, bad CGI explosions, thunder and lightning and running around.

And also these awesome medical puns like:

"It's not like this is brain surgery!"
"Bleed out bitch"
"I always wanted to be a doctor"

Still not sold? Did I tell you about the gore and nudity? And the WTF moment?

Gore-ipidia

Wrist slicing
Intenstine oozing
Head trauma
Wrist slicing
Stab to the neck
Body parts
Drill to the head
Canister to the face trauma
Organ and intestine works of art
Arm amputations
Hatchet to the fuckin face

Nude-ipidia

Cleavage

WTF moment

Orderly punches blonde bimbo in the face

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Well that prognosis pun wasn't intentional. But let me tell you about the secrets of our product on DVD.
It's got an alternate ending! Whoa! And a 20 minute Behind the Scenes.

Our product is so cliched, so badly written, so "this has been done to death before" don't take our word for it, see what others have said.

It's out on DVD March 31st. Orders your today.

555-AUTOPSY-SUCKS


Rating:

1/2

The Trailer






Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , perkins 14 , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, robert patrick, gratuitous nudity, horror movies of 2009, autopsy,autopsy review

Categories: after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, autopsy, autopsy review

Perkins 14 (Trailer)

Perkins 14 is an example of fan created horror. Not really a first, but a rare occurence in this day and age.

The film was developed by Massify.com. Writers submitted story ideas, audition tapes were uploaded and the cast and winning story were chosen.

So their tagline that a film invented, written, cast, voted for, chosen and created by YOU, isn't that farfetched.

Now part of the After Dark Horrorfest 2009 lineup we'll see if something created by US is actually fuckin good.

Here be the plot chosen by YOU.

Plot o rama

Robert Perkins builds an army of 14 people brainwashed through cult-like methods to protect him from his parents' killers. When Perkins is imprisoned, the police unwittingly unleash his followers on a small town and they've only got one thing on their mind: "Kill for Mr. Perkins."

Now watch the trailer created by YOU.

**UPDATE**

I've watched Perkins 14. CHECK OUT MY REVIEW!!!

**END UPDATE**




Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , perkins 14 , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, horror, gratuitous nudity, top horror movies of 2009, twitch, horror blog, the jaded viewer

Categories: 8 films to die for, after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 3, autopsy, butterfly effect revelation, dying breed, faithless, from within, perkins 14, someone behind you, the broken, voices

After Dark Horrorfest III: 2009 (Full Lineup and Trailers)

After Dark Horrorfest 2009 finally has a full lineup for the 8 movies to die for. I've seen a few of the past horrofest flicks in the theatre in 07 and 08. Some were damn good, some were fuckin horrible.

It's scheduled from January 9th to January 15th, 2009.

I've watched some of the trailers (when available and read the vague plot summaries) and below is my list of what I'm fuckin excited to see.

1.) Perkins 14

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: Robert Perkins builds an army of 14 people brainwashed through cult-like methods to protect him from his parents' killers. When Perkins is imprisoned, the police unwittingly unleash his followers on a small town and they've only got one thing on their mind: "Kill for Mr. Perkins."

The Jaded Viewer says: Internet hype here has been fuckin relentless. But Manson like shit hitting the fan could possibly turn this into something fun.

Trailer: None

2.) Dying Breed

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: Inspired by the legends of a 19th-century cannibal and an extinct tiger, this brutal horror-thriller centers on four friends who find out that something—or someone—murderous lurks in the rain-slogged Australian bush.

The Jaded Viewer says: Australia has been churning some bloody decent horror of late. Kills a plenty from the trailer. Could it be rednecks? Ancient spirits of evil? Killer koalas?

Trailer:





3.) From Within

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: The residents of a small American town begin to die one-by-one apparently by suicide...

The Jaded Viewer says: The Sarah Connor Chronicles cast sure makes a lot of horror movies. Looks like the Happening, but will it be without the lame ending? Because suicides are fuckin funny...err....I mean sad. My guess, the suicides are caused by killer koalas.

Trailer:





4.) Autopsy

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: A young woman tries to find her injured boyfriend in a bizzare and dangerous hospital

The Jaded Viewer says: I'm a big fan of Dr. Giggles. So if some doctors perform some unauthorized surgeries on some hipsters, who am I to argue? I also am a big fan of bonesaws.

Trailer:





5.) The Broken


(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: On a busy street in London, Gina thinks she sees herself drive past in her own car. Stunned by this strange event, Gina follows the mystery woman up to her apartment. From here, events take an eerie turn for the worse until Gina's awareness slides from solid reality into a world that will haunt more than just her nightmares.

The Jaded Viewer says: It's probably all the episodes of Sarah Connor Chronicles I;ve watcged but Lena Headey is fuckin hot. And the trailer shows her in a bathtub naked. Umm, I have no idea what this movie is about but the potential of gratuitous nudity from Sarah Connor. Score!

Trailer:





6.) Slaughter aka Faithless

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: A young woman thinks she is leaving her abusive life behind when she moves to Atlanta and ends up living at her family farm. She quickly learns that abuse comes in even crueler forms.

The Jaded Viewer says: Please let it be Luther the Geek who abuses her at the farm.

Trailer: None

7.) Voices aka Du saram-yida aka Someone Behind You

Plot: Ga-in, a smart, pretty girl who is loved by everyone, witnesses the deaths of people around her. She is then singled out as the next in line to die from the curse that has one person in each generation die at the hands of two people close to them. Ga-in searched for the truth about the curse with Suk-min, a boy who always lingers around her, and her boyfriend Heon-joong, but attacks on her life by those dearest to her, like her best friend and her mother, never cease...

The Jaded Viewer says: Thats a fucked up curse. How about if she watches the cursed videotape from the Ring? Or gets a missed call? Which curse would kill her first? Is their a curse hierarchy?

Trailer:





8.) Butterfly Effect: Revelation

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: Sequel to the 2003 cult movie in which a person can change the past via remembering their forgotten memories due to blackouts.

The Jaded Viewer says: I never saw the first one, so I am hell not gonna see this one.

Trailer:






Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , perkins 14 , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, horror, gratuitous nudity, top horror movies of 2009, twitch, horror blog, the jaded viewer

Categories: 8 films to die for, after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 3, autopsy, butterfly effect revelation, dying breed, faithless, from within, perkins 14, someone behind you, the broken, voices

After Dark Horrorfest III: 2009

After Dark Horrorfest 2009 is shaping up to be very interesting.

It's scheduled from January 9th to January 15th, 2009.

The confirmed list of movies are below.

1.) The Broken
2.) Slaughter aka Faithless
3.) Perkins 14
4.) Butterfly Effect: Revelation
5.) From Within
6.) Dying Breed
7.) Autopsy
8.) TBD

I'm kinda psyched up Perkins 14.

For all plot summaries check out Bloody Disgusting's summary page.

Categories: 8 films to die for, after dark horrorfest 2009, autopsy, butterfly effect revelation, dying breed, faithless, from within, perkins 14, the broken