Waldorf Estate of FEAR Haunted House (Review)

The final leg of the Pennsylvania Haunted House road trip with The Jaded Viewer and The Raven and Black Cat took us to The Waldorf Estate of Fear aka The Haunting at the Waldorf. Located at Lehighton, PA, it's hard to gauge what a haunt will be like as you first enter. Everything looks like a county fair in the middle of nowhere. The drive over to the Waldorf was filled with backroads and endless cornfields and as all our phones began to die, a real life horror movie plot was peeking its head.

But as haunt veterans, we've done this before and with an hour to spare, we got our haunt on.

The Waldorf Estate of Fear is a horror trilogy of terror with each unique experience bringing in adrenaline pumping scares with zombies, a relaxed prepackaged haunted hayride and a hotel turned haunted house that has style and substance all wrapped in one. I had mild expectations for the Waldorf and after, it literally blew my mind. The attractions are, simply put top notch for an indie haunted house production.

You can do a lot with less and Waldorf does just that. So here's a quick review of each attraction.

Terror in the Corn

There are super awesome haunted hayrides and then there is your hayrides that are nicely produced but don't pack a WOW factor. Waldorf's hayride has some nice touches (a cameo from your favorite hockey mask wearing, machete wielding maniac) and scenes with damsels getting distressed. However, actors who scream at the top of their lungs is kind of irritating. The barn stops were standard fare and overall could keep tweens happy. I just wish it was amped up with more of the crazy.


Infection

Infection is one of the reasons you HAVE to go to Waldorf. It's a outdoor maze with a twist. You're given a belt with 3 straps on them representing your viral organs and have to dodge, dip, dive, duck, and dodge all sorts of minimum waged teenage zombies. In a nutshell, its zombie flag football. Infection is an interactive Walking Dead homage that got me panicking and out of breath in the midst of this zombie gridiron. You'll be face planting into the ground and tripping over obstacles as you try to escape these Dawn of the Dead remake zombies. And they're relentless. Goddamn kids seem to what to take your flags at all costs. Lucky for me, I survived barely. With 1 flag left. Good shit. Fuckin really good shit.

The Haunting at the Waldorf

Greeted by James Cudie a British demon host whose sarcasm and one liners were a great way to start the haunt, the Haunting at the Waldorf is a minimalistic haunt that walks you through the many ghouls and ghosts and other random dead people at the Waldorf. It's pretty brilliant with what you can do with the remnants of an actual hotel, from old 70s furniture to wine racks to an actual hotel lobby. As you maneuver through the tight spaces, crawl on all fours through hidden passages and go up stairs each room gives off a sense of creepy and Shining like madness.

The actors play a mix of offbeat ghosts guiding you through a story as you check in. My favorite was going to the restaurant as the angry "ghosts" play on being welcoming then demeaning. Good times.

It's a great little maze, a haunted house that takes its time to get its jump scares and ends with some questionable content.

The Waldorf Estate of Fear is a little gem hidden in the cornfields of Pennsylvania. They go through the whole 9 yards to maximize your experience and had me talking about it hours after going through.

And i think they even offered pirogues to eat.

Now that's a DIY haunted house.

The Vitals

• Official Site
• Like on Facebook 
• Follow in Twitter
• Click here to buy Tickets
• Waldorf Estate of Fear is located at 6325 Interchange RdLehighton, PA 18235
• More pictures at The Jaded Viewer Facebook page

Check out the trailer

  hauntcomm4 from Stephen Cognetti on Vimeo.

Categories: fast moving zombies, halloween, haunted hayride, haunted house, haunted house reviews, insane asylum, pennsylvania, the haunting at the waldorf, waldorf estate of fear, zombies

The Linsanity Of The Walking Dead

So I've gotten caught up with Linsanity, the rise of the New York Knicks Jeremy Lin from obscure "Rudy" to superstar savior. An Asian American playing NBA ball at the highest level is rare to say the least so it's pretty awesome to see him breakout and truly be a top notch baller.

But you know what else is rare?

Asians Americans on TV. Yup, look at any TV show and Asian Americans barely register. Sure they only make up 5% of the population but the representation is almost non existent unless they know kung fu. Stereotypes aside, I loved the fact Glenn's first appearance on The Walking Dead was not one of victim but savior. He saved Rick in Atlanta and showed he was a resourceful and was courageous kid in an apocalypse. I had high hopes that Glenn would grow to be a main character that was impactful in some way.

But slowly the stereotypes creeped in. He wasn't invited to the big missions, seemed to hang out with Dale alot, was used as bait, used as comic relief and was shy and awkward with the farmer's daughter. If he was written this way in the comic I do not know but as I watch The Walking Dead, I really hoped that we just underestimated him. That Glenn as a minor bench warmer was only temporary. I was hoping Glennsanity was just around the corner.

I mean there are some signs right?

He scored and saved the hot girl (got some!), killed a few walkers in spectacular fashion and discovered the barn. I think he could play an intricate part in the story. He's got the skills, the know how and the zombie IQ to kick ass and lead this team to victory (hmm I'm getting my Lin and Glenn's confused I think)

Glenn could actually make our Walking Dead outcasts better. He's unselfish (he went on the pharmacy run, the bait thing, searched for Sophia, etc.) As we get sick of the soap opera storylines, Glenn could probably add some much added pizazz and fun to the show. How much more Rick (he's like the Amare Stoudamire of the group), Shane (Yup, he's Melo) and Lori (D'Antoni) can we take?

I've already compared the Walking Dead to Lost but the others resemble other Knicks. Daryl is Shumpert, Andrea is Chandler, Dale is Jarred Jeffries. Well I could go on. Glenn is the kid every Walking Dead fanatic/nerd/geek roots for. He's the young kid who seems to be overlooked, never gets the chance to voice his opinion in major decisions but somehow scored the hottie. He's the guy we relate to. He cares more about the team (err I mean rag tag group of survivors) that he'd be willing to sacrifice having grunt relations with Maggie.

He's the underdog that has the potential to be awesome, to make the show better than it is now. This needs to happen. We deserve it.

We need Glennsanity.

Categories: fast moving zombies, glennsanity, jeremy lin, linsanity, the walking dead, tv shows, walking dead, white girl with asian guy

The Walking Dead is Lost but with Zombies

Yeah I said it. The Walking Dead is Lost but with Zombies. Hmm, looks like you haven't been thinking the way I've been thinking. As a huge Lost fan, one can only think about the similarities between the two shows. It's pretty fuckin amazing how a zombie apocalypse and a crash landing on a mysterious island can be similar. Are you shaking your head? Well let's examine the characters of The Walking Dead and who they closely resemble on Lost.

THE OBVIOUS

1.) Rick is Jack

the jaded viewer says: Our cowboy messiah is our de facto leader of a rag tag group of survivors. He's thrust into this position and now has to make the tough decisions with a friend questioning his authority. He "woke up" into this hell on Earth and he has made already a few questionable decisions. Remind you of anyone?

2.) Shane is Locke

the jaded viewer says: Pretty obvious similarity here. Shane is now our chief antagonist who is willing to bend his morals in order to survive. He has fully understood the world he now lives in and has adapted. Locke started recruiting a group of his own and Shane has Andrea on his side. Locke never slept with Kate but you get my point.

3.) Lori is Kate

the jaded viewer says: The Walking Whore as she is now known is totally your Kate. She's hot, she's behind the scenes, she's kinda messed around and she has a BIG FUCKIN SECRET. Actually 2 in fact. She's trying to play both sides (making nice with Shane because of what he did for Carl...well sorta) but remains loyal to Rick.

Kinda Close

4.) Daryl is Sawyer

the jaded viewer says: Rednecks unite! Daryl, our resident bad ass hick has shown us uber toughness and a shielded tender side. He's hated by everybody but somehow has slowly become endeared by Carol. Sawyer too started off as the most hated man on the island but eventually became the lovable awesome guy with a sense of humor.

5.) Andrea is Sayid

the jaded viewer says: We're slowly seeing Andrea evolve into a sharpshooter and her tag team with Shane closely draws parallels with Locke and Sayid. They both have a similar agenda and clearly are on the outside of the group looking in.

6.) Glenn is Hurley

the jaded viewer says: This is an easy one. Your comic relief character is a bit socially awkward, scores with the hot girl but somehow is the most reliable survivor. Glenn is the guy who can get things and Hurley is the guy who can eat things. See?

Kind of a stretch...but!

7.) Dale is Claire

the jaded viewer says: Dale is our reliable old fuddy duddy. The confidante, the keeper of the pulse of the group. He kept Andrea alive and got T-Dog medical attention. He's the mechanic. Hmm not sure how Claire is like Dale. But I get the feeling Dale like Claire has a big secret that may change the group dynamic.

8.) Karl is Walt

the jaded viewer says: They're both kids. I'm hoping they're both "special" and have magical powers.

9.) T-Dog is Michael

the jaded viewer says: You're probably saying "C'mon, why you gotta be racist for?" Is it because they're both black? Well I'm not sure which Lost character T-Dog resembles as of yet. He did mention to Dale they thought they were "weak" part of the group. Michael had always thought that to....kinda. This comparison is more of a prediction. We'll see as we go along.

10.) Carol/Sophia are Jin/Sun

the jaded viewer says: Sometimes you just gotta take the mediocre characters and lump them up together. Did Jin disappear from Sun for a long period of time? You betcha. Where the fuck is Sophia? She must have walked to fuckin Washington DC by now.

11.) Hershel/Maggie/Carol/etc are The Others

the jaded viewer says: Hershel just pulled a Ben Linus didn't he??? Who knows what else is on that farm.

12.) Zombies are The Island

the jaded viewer says: This is also pretty obvious but the zombie wasteland is The Island with all it's dangers, craziness, quirkiness and unknowns. What else will they encounter as they travel along the zombie states of America. We've already gotten flashbacks of the nuclear holocaust of Atlanta. Will we get flash forwards?

*********************************************

It's not definitive yet but I would bet a dollar we may get some parallel storylines and a few more twists and turns that might be Lost like. I've been digging The Walking Dead and I hope they keep it fresh and dig deep into the characters as that is the ultimate driving force of any good show.

As long as we don't see all the characters in a church in the series finale, I think we're good.

C'mon Glenn. Get your freak on.

Categories: fast moving zombies, tv shows, walking dead, zombie tv show, zombies

What is the worst apocalypse for humanity? (The Results)

A few months back I posted my Top 10 Worst Apocalypses. My #1 choice of the most horrible apocalypse to inflict humanity was a zombie armageddon. It looks like you all agreed as out of 199 votes, a zombie apocalypse won convincingly with 25% of the vote. Coming in second was Virus (16%) and Nuclear at (14%).

From the looks of it nobody is scared of vampires (cuz they twinkle?) and robots. I was sure robots would be a little higher as I got them at #4 on my list. And nobody is really scared of alien slavemasters either.

I got some interesting comments as well you can check out here. If we run out of oil, you'll be begging for some zombies instead.

Thanks to everybody who voted. New poll will be coming soon!

Categories: alien bugs, aliens, ebola virus, fast moving zombies, post apocalyptic, robots, vampires, worst case scenario, zombies

Boring Bikini Samurai Assassin Girl = OneChanbara (Review)

OneChanbara

OneChanbara (2008)

Directed by Yôhei Fukuda

I didn't really expect a good movie as I popped OneChanbara into my DVD player but I mean the cover has a girl with samurai swords, a cowboy hat and she's wearing a bikini. Least this could have been was Japanese Skinemax.

But it turns out OneChanbara, which is based on a PS2/Xbox game wasn't a Versus like zombie movie or Japanese hentai. It turned out to be some low end, cash in video game movie that was probably directed by the Japanese Uwe Boll.

Egads.

So who is this girl on the cover? Her name is Aya, some mystical assassin with kick ass sword skills that by pressing "X" alot with "square" enables her to slaughter the attacking zombie hordes. She's got a fat fuck Japanese guy with her that plays as comic relief and Reiko, a shot gun toting zombie renegade.

Mission wise, they go from setting to setting killing zombies until they reach Dr. Sugita and his protege Saki (who is Aya's sister). Various hadoukens later, she kills her sister and they ride into the zombie filled sunset.

Yawn.

The girl on the cover was mute for most of the movie and oddly wasn't hot as I thought she was gonna be. Also, you've got your standard Sailor Moon schoolgirl outfits, zombies who use weapons and various goofy CGI.

I haven't seen a good Japanese zombie in a while and had low expectations for this but I'm eager to get our next good Japanese zombie movie. You listening Japan? Get to it.

Rating:

1/2 a

Here's the trailer.





Wow these video game trailers have more skin than the movie....





Here's more video game footage....

Categories: fast moving zombies, japanese, japanese gore, video game movies, zombies

Seventh Moon (Review)

Seventh Moon

Seventh Moon (2009)

Directed by Eduardo Sanchez

[This is a review I wrote for UGO.com hence the different format of the review.]

Believe it or not, this is the 2nd movie I’ve seen where a Caucasian American blonde is married to a Chinese American guy and has to deal with Chinese mythos gone awry (the first movie was They Wait). Well 2 movies counts as a subgenre right? It’s this new subgenre that Eduardo Sanchez, co-director of The Blair Witch Project has decided to make his 3rd film since the BWP made him a household name.

To sum up the very brief plot, Melissa (Amy Smart) and Yul (Tim Chiou) are a newly married couple who decide to take their honeymoon in China during the worst time….well ever. Because during the seventh lunar month according to an ancient Chinese myth, the gates of hell and the dead are freed to roam among the living. After a walking tour of a festival, their tour guide Ping abandons them in the middle of Nowhere, China. You’d think a country filled with a billion people would not have any nowheres. But you’d be wrong.

Soon they are chased by ghostlike creatures that have already attacked a few of the unsuspecting strangers who have ended up lost in this town. As they go searching for a place to hide it’s not too long until we find out why this is all happening to our American couple.

The first thing you notice is that Eduardo Sanchez hasn’t spared us from the shaky cam feel he developed from the Blair Witch Project. It’s ever evident within Seventh Moon as most of the film is eerily similar to the Blair Witch Project in many ways. We have a relationship going through the strainer through a supernatural ordeal. We also get lots and lots of chase scenes. The chases are handheld nauseous ness to the extreme but it works 30% of the time. The blurred out glimpses of our Descent like creatures add to the atmosphere of backwoods China under a starry night.

Sanchez also implements the “how are they going to escape this situation” scenarios as both Yul and Melissa have to escape from would be dead ends that would seem to lead to certain death. From a head lit runaway drive in desolate fields to an abandoned farmhouse to being trapped in a car as the creatures move in, all are tense moments filled with jump scare-o-thons and panic filled moments of suspense.

Both Chiou and Smart are decent would be victims, though a little back-story of the couple would have established some need for the audience to care about our newlyweds. Smart’s Melissa is a tough as nails final girl while her husband plays the dude in distress motif to the max. That little role reversal was a little neat. But between their dialogue of grit vs. give up, Smart whines and yells and actions are actually spoken (a big no no in film)

But Seventh Moon is a grind that you have to have the stomach to go through. The grind eventually ends up weak towards the end. As menacing as these ghost like human creatures are, they don’t have the evilest evil I would have thought we would get.

Also, the Chinese mythos is something inherent in Asian culture that somehow we American audiences cannot grasp. Thus, we don’t get scared easily by hordes of monster demons slaughtering animals and such. Finally, gorehounds won’t rejoice as there isn’t anything to write in the splatter wikia though the FX and makeup done by Hong Kong’s Spectral Motion are top notch.

Seventh Moon is a change of pace from your death knocking on your door or slasher slice-a-rama and it has some genuine moments of eerie spooky. But it’s no Blair Witch and unfortunately the comparisons are something we can’t overlook.

Grade: C

You'll like it if....

• You’ll watch any movie Amy Smart is in
• You love C-horror with a twist of American horror
• You love shaky cam and Blair Witch style cinema
  

You won't like it if....

• You get nauseous watching shaky cam
• You hate slow burn, jump scares and lots of running around
• Ghost creatures aren’t your bag
  

Check out the teaser trailer below.

Tags:
seventh moon, seventh moon teaser trailer , 7th moon , the blair witch project, gore splatter, amy smart, top horror movies of 2008, horror blog, amy smart naked, chinese horror movie, Eduardo Sanchez, zombies,

Categories: 7th moon, amy smart, amy smart naked, china, fast moving zombies, horror movies 2008, hungry ghost festival, living dead, seventh moon, seventh moon trailer, the blair witch project

Dead Snow (Review)

Dead Snow

Dead Snow (2009)

Directed by Tommy Wirkola

It wasn't too long ago I was blogging about Nazi zombies.

After the flick was getting mega hype from Sundance film festival, you knew this was gonna be one of those horror films that just gets it. It wasn't trying to appeal to the PG-13 millenials so Hollywood could $ca ching. Dead Snow was appealing to the horror-sphere and won the Nazi zombie race against Worst Case Scenario and others.

Wirkola's previous film was a Norwegian parody of Kill Bill so what we get with our Nazi zombies are some ha ha moments that seem right for a flick about an undead German army fighting against a group of medical student hipsters.

I missed seeing it at NYC Fangoria Weekend of Horrors.Well I'm glad the IFC picked it up for VOD and DVD distribution.

It's a horror film that's self aware. It knows it's premise and makes note of it. It's also follows the standard formula to a tee. Dead Snow makes no allusions of not being a horror comedy. Wanna see younglings get slaughtered my blood hungry, ravenous zombies? You got it!

The twist is we're seeing Nazi zombies in the mountains of Norway running in the snow.

And that's so completely nutty, you have to applaud this snowy D-day of destruction.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

The plot of the film is set around a group of Norwegian medical students who go away for an Easter vacation in a cabin up in the mountains. Unfortunately, the area they are staying in was used by the Nazis in the German occupation of Norway during World War II. The Germans raped and pillaged the locals and stole all their gold, until the locals chased the Germans up the mountains, where they supposedly froze to death. The medical students find a box of gold in the cabin they are staying in, which had belonged to the Germans. As a result, zombie Germans come back to reclaim their gold, with deadly results.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

We are going to use the "what makes a good slasher movie" list for Dead Snow. Just because, if I do a regular review it will probably be boring whereas answering my own questions is funtastic!

Does Dead Snow achieve everything on this list?

1.) Is there a mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher?

Let's replace slasher with a shitload of zombies.

We get the meanest, great makeup FX of full fledge SS Nazi zombies complete with WWII gear and some decomposing Skeletor corpse faces. These are top notch looking zombies. And the fact that they are semi self aware, 3% intelligent and run after our snow mobiling yipsters is a testament to their army training.

2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity (with Grade A boobage)?

We get our standard sex scene in a frigid outhouse. And you know the rule. If you get some, you get dead.

3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?

Oh man. They so die such awesome over the top deaths. It's not a spoiler in a sense that you know that most of these people have to get bloodified and slaughtered so us gorehounds can rejoice.

So lets meet our would be victims!

1.) Vegard (our X-games extreme sporter)
2.) Roy (our horny horndog)
3.) Erlend (our resident horror movie geek)
4.) Martin (our doctor who is scared of blood)
5.) Liv (our hot blonde)
6.) Hanna (GF of Martin, pseudo final girl)
7.) Chris (hot chick, mostly fodder)

Erlend is the first to make the observation that a bunch of good looking Norwegians are headed to the scary cabin in the mountains where evil will probably ensue. It's clever enough to make a reference to their situation is a horror staple and his Braindead t-shirt at least homages the great old school Peter Jackson.

4.) No Plot?

Check.

5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"

Check. I was rather impressed by some of the gore and splatter. See below.

6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem

Check. Dead Snow combined gallons of blood, intenstines, gore, splatter and CGI blood splatter and *Gasp!* made it work.

Here is your Gore-ipedia.

1.) Ocular trauma with special head brain explosion
2.) Head decaps (x infinity!)
3.) Gratuitous intenstine trauma
4.) Chainsaw arm surgery
5.) Body rippage
6.) Sliced throats
5.) Zombie ocular trauma
6.) Zombie Arm trauma
7.) Zombie shotgun trauma
8.) Zombie intensine trauma
...suffice it to say the zombies get chainsawed, scythed, knifed and obliterated in various splatter happy ways.

And there's like an never ending army, so there's solid carnage throughout.

7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)

Geeky leader does take charge. And we get our mysterious old man who describes the spooky legend (see the plot above)

8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)

Check. Very Evil Dead and Brain Dead-y

9.) Final girl goes all final girly?

Final man?!?!?

10.) Wildly ambigious ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?

You betcha!

Nude-ipedia

Nada

WTF moment

Nazi Zombies working together to rip the arms and limbs of one of the hipsters

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

That scene of Nazi zombies coming out of the snow and the one where they are fuckin Usain Bolting is fuckin priceless.

Dead Snow will inevitably be compared to Evil Dead and Brain Dead (both films they reference and homage). It's got the ill timed humor working well (and even though it was subtitled, it worked, see the subtitled version and not the dubbed one). It's funny and makes you know it.

Let's get straight to the point. Dead Snow is one of the best horror movies of 2009. The movie takes a while to get revved up, with the first 30 minutes full of quick scares but the characters are not overtly annoying and do enough to make sure when they get dead, you have a good time watching their demise.

But as the first movie to put Nazi zombies in the snow on screen, Dead Snow hits all the right targets, makes you laugh and is just like storming Normandy.

All we see is tons of carnage, slaughter and splatter.

But you can't look away. And honestly, you don't want to because it's too fuckin awesome to watch.

Rating:

Check out the trailer.





Also check out some clips from the flick.

Clip #1 (no gore, but gratuitous sex!)





Clip #2 (ATTACK!!!!)





Clip #3 (Ash would be so proud)










Tags:
worst case scenario, dead snow review , aquatic nazi ghouls , nazi zombies, gratuitous nudity, german zombies, 2009 horror movies, top 10 horror movies of 2009,horror movie 2008, zombies, dead snow, dead snow trailer, sundance 09,

Categories: dead snow, dead snow review, dead snow trailer, dod sno, fast moving zombies, german zombies, nazi zombies, norwegian horror

Dark Island (Trailer)

The indie scene seems to not be affected by the recession. Well it could be the fact that these type of movies have miniscule budgets that any relative profit they make is a plus.

So its interesting to see directors and writers try different things. In the case of Infected (now called Dark Island), it looks like they're going for a sci-fi/horror/action mish mash of Lost meets the Signal. From the looks of the trailer, we've got a smoke monster, infected sicko killers and an island were deadly government experiments have gone wrong (Dharma anyone?)

Plus we got some search and rescue commandos who you know are not all gonna make it out alive.

Check out the trailer below courtesy of Twitch.

Categories: city of lost souls, dark island, dark island trailer, fast moving zombies, indepentent horror, indie horror, infected, infected trailer, smoke monster, the signal

Dance of the Dead (Review)

Dance of the Dead

Dance of the Dead (2008)

Directed by Gregg Bishop

You know what we Americans do best? Make a frakin kick ass zombie film.

Score another one for the US of A. USA! USA!

Gregg Bishop's uber indie Dance of Dead rivals Shaun of the Dead's silliness, blends in some 80s Return of the Dead for the millienial age and clicks in some Buffy-logue to boot. It's amazing nobody ever thought to make Buffy but with zombies.

It's a blender of geekiness heroes without the superpowers and makes the sci fi club cool.

And so Dance of the Dead entertainment value has inappropriate language, gore and scenes of violence. Huuuuaaaaaaaa!

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A high school prom is unexpectedly interrupted when a graveyard, next to a nuclear power plant, becomes the sudden source of resuscitated cadavers. As zombies march on the high school, a motley group of dateless teenage outcasts take on the zombies and save the day.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Geeks are 8.7 on the coolness meter. Maybe you didn't get the memo. So our rag tag group of misfits all have that Buffy-ish character mish mash to them. Jimmy our detention anarchist (ala Buffy) and his girl sqeuaky clean Lindsey (Angel?) are joined by Gwen (our Cordelia like cheerleader) and Steven the Xander in love with her.

We got some Willows as well in the form of our Sci Fi club (Jules, George and Rod) and a Giles in the embodiment of a redneck coach. A pseudo Blink 182 band (Dingoes ate my Baby anyone?) complete our contingent. All seem in their dance-verse element, meshing in with their own uniqueness, which I have to say would have been trouble if we the audience didn't like our heroes and heroines.

This is definitely millenial zombie movie for the Generation Y universe. And its damn good. The quips, dialogue and converfunnies are all relatively timed perfect. Massive zombie horde about to attack? Lets jam out and have a prom dance to remember.

The "gear up" weapons montage echoes Raimi and Romero like homages stay true to the maestro.

It's funny and its proud to be it.

As for the zombies, we've got fast movers, slow movers. Take your pick. They all end up gunshot, bashed in and pummeled into slosh. The gore and splatter are in epic form. If CGI was done, it was not noticeable. Bishop and his crew did their zombie homework.

Like a BTVS episode, its tick tocking and it works well. Dance of the Dead is a tour de force of a zombie comedy done uber cool, and LOLing at all the right moments.

Even George could use some pointers from this flick.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Zombie bashing in all forms (gunshots, decaps, arm and leg rips, etc.)
Ax slicing
Spine ripping
Gunshot head shots
Lots of offsceen crange hijinks

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Some cheerleader cheering (but full frontal boobies, err nada)

WTF moment

A zombie makeout session. That's a first!

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

For all the shitty POV zombie flicks and other zombie reimaginings, a Dance of the Dead comes along and blows you away.

It's a horror comedy that establishes a zombie-verse, makes sure we're entertained by our main characters and unleashes slayerville on the undead.

The ending hints on a possible sequel, and Dance will probably spawn mucho zombie-omedies that will not be as clever.

So if your looking for a decent BTVS fix, put down the season 8 comic and watch Dance of the Dead. And you'll see the sci fi club and anarchist cliques in a whole new light.

Rating:

The Trailer





Tags:
dance of the dead, dance of the dead review , dance of the dead trailer , 80s horror, zombie films, horror comedy, zombies, gratuitous nudity, top 10 horror movies 2008, gore, teen horror, geeks

Categories: dance of the dead, dance of the dead review, fast moving zombies, horror comedy

Dead Snow (Trailer)

I know I'm a little late on this one, but alas I've been hyping up Nazi zombies for some time here. Worst Case Scenario (a movie that seems like it will never be made) had an awesometastic trailer featuring underwater Nazi zombie ghouls.

But Dead Snow, recently announced as part of the lineup for the Sundance Film Festival looks like it's going to be a a uber revolution of zombie horror.

Nazis and zombies is a natural fit in the evil, fucked up sorta way. And its fitting, some Norwegian X-Gamer teenagers get slaughtered by SS decomposing corpses.

The trailer really is quite intriguing. Check it out below.





I noticed:

1.) A Braindead and Indiana Jones references
2.) The local who warns the teens of impending danger
3.) Gratuitous nudity and sex
4.) Fast moving zombies (well fuck, I mean they are dead Nazis)
5.) Total gratuitous Evil Dead/Sam Raimi homage
6.) CGI blood
7.) An actually funny one liner

That scene of Nazi zombies coming out of the snow and the one where they are fuckin Usain Bolting is fuckin priceless.

Check out the Horror Geek for the other horror goodies coming to Sundance.

Tags:
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Categories: aquatic nazi ghouls, dead snow, dead snow trailer, dod sno, fast moving zombies, german zombies, nazi zombies, sundance 2009

Seventh Moon (Trailer)

Eduardo Sanchez (who directed The Blair Witch Project) stayed under the underground radar as nobody noticed his last film, Altered.

But I'm sure everybody will notice his new film, Seventh Moon, as the tagline alone has given me fanboy chills:

"On the full moon of the seventh lunar month, the gates of hell open and the spirits of the dead are freed to roam among the living.”

Seventh Moon stars the super hot Amy Smart and Tim Chiao as newlyweds who attend the Hungry Ghost Festival in rural China. They soon find themselves stranded at night in the middle of a superstitious ritual that may be more real than folk legend.

Ooooooooo spooky.

Check out the teaser trailer below.

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Categories: 7th moon, amy smart, amy smart naked, china, fast moving zombies, horror movies 2008, hungry ghost festival, living dead, seventh moon, seventh moon trailer, the blair witch project

Automaton Transfusion (Review)

Automaton Transfusion

Automaton Transfusion (2006)

Directed by Steven C. Miller

I've been watching way too many zombie films.

I really should step away from the genre for a while. But with the Day of the Dead remake out as well as Zombie Strippers, I decided to view Automaton Transfusion.

Well that wasn't a good idea.

Straight out of the Dimension Extreme label, and hyped on the dvd cover as "One of the best zombie films in decades" by Bloody Disgusting, I figured it was worth a try.

The thing about Steven Miller's $30,000 indie horror flick, is that its a $30k flick. And it's got fast moving zombies which I absolutely hate.

So those 2 things just doomed this from the beginning.

Plot-o-matic tell us that 3 high school friends, Chris, Scott and Tim are heading to the city to see a rock band when their town in Florida goes all Romero. Zombies are rampant (no explanation for this at all until the end - which begs the question why tell us the plot at the end of the FRAKIN movie?).

The zombies are on the move attacking the residents of Whatever City, USA. The gore and splatter are top, over the top and beyond infinity awesome. A scene where a girl's jaw is ripped apart is gorely, brilliantly executed and a scene of ocular trauma is a great homage to Master Fulci.

There is an Evil Dead moment which climaxes the movie and the end blatantly boasts a To Be Continued establishing a most definite sequel.

Most of these moments and scenes are well done for an amateur film school production. With a bigger budget I see this crew doing some good things.

But alas, for Automaton Transfusion, the lack of good acting, any suspenseful scenes of mass zombies and gun shots that look like over zealous paintballs rounds make it MST3K worthy.

Even at 80 minutes, its still too long.

Kudos to the effort but I've seen countless zombie movies do what AT does. And unless you put zombies in some new location I've never seen before, it's been there, done that.

I really really need to stop watching zombie movies.

Rating:

Tags:
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