Excision (Review)

Excision

Excision (2012)

Directed by Richard Bates Jr.

See the poster on the right? That's actress AnnaLynne McCord. She is extremely hot and beautiful. See the upside down picture of her? That's also her. What you'll get with Excision is more upside down brunette AnnaLynne rather than blonde AnnaLynne. And you know what?

It's that brunette "ugly" AnnLynne that makes Excision one hell of a fuckin movie.

McCord's complete transformation from one of the hottest young stars in Hollywood to an outcasted, odd and completely crazy Pauline is one of the best performances of the year. In Excision, Richard Bates debut film based on his short, a coming of age story on a volcano of WTF. Delusional and dreamlike, Excision is suburban America macabre, weirdness with a smile and a bloody mouth. It feels American Mary-ish but less grown up. Which isn't really a bad thing. I would say it would be this years The Woman, where we see the suburban darkness in a Tim Burton like universe.

It's truly one of the oddest and jaw dropping films I've seen and makes a case for a spot on my 2012 list. Weird vivid imagery, characters that are all red blooded 'Murica! and a lead character that goes against all that is normal in our very normal world.

Whatever I thought would happen, didn't. And for that I applauded.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A disturbed and delusional high school student with aspirations of a career in medicine goes to extremes to earn the approval of her controlling mother. 

Awesome Review-O-Matic

The movie starts off with delusions. Pauline's (AnnaLynne McCord) delusions can only mean she's a little more than fucked up. Bloody dreams full of corpses and unnecessary surgery are ones that can only mean one may be unhinged. She's a student with a overbearing mom (Traci Lords), a terminally ill sister and a sissy dad. Pauline is truly an ugly duckling....long uncombed hair, a few specks of acne and a wardrobe from the dollar store. Her personality is the very definition of "anti", questioning the authority of her teachers and priest. However, she is an independent woman, bent on making the people around her uncomfortable and making sure she gets what she wants.

The plot is more so a character study of Pauline. Her mom raises her in that pageant mom sorta way and as moms do make her do things she doesn't want. If there is a plot to Excision it's buried in the mundane tasks her mom wants Pauline to do. What you believe to be a movie where somehow an ugly duckling turns into a swan never goes into that territory and thank the horror gods for that. It never wavers in the fact that some people are comfortable in their own skin and no level of makeup, change in attire or weight loss will make one happy.

As we follow Pauline along, her main motivation is to survive the day, barely caring what people think of her but more so to become a surgeon to cure her sister. But how can one do that when you go against the current of all that is normal? This leads to an ending that is a reality to check to her and to all of us. A pure WTF moment at it's most raw.

McCord is downright unrecognizable as Pauline. If you Google her, you'll see an actress that barely resembles Pauline. I really do admire an actress who's willing to not rely on her looks, done some serious ugly prosthetics and give a performance that goes beyond what we think they can do. Here McCord is fantastic, her monologues against religion and than praying to God are superb. As you watch her performance, you only see Pauline a distraught teenager with some serious case of mental issues. It was amazing to see her stripped of beauty and act as this quirky know it all.

Lords also gives quite a performance as the toddler and tiara mom. Who knew an underage pornstar from the 80s could actually give a performance like this?

The seductive feeling of Excision is that you want to root for Pauline, as we the viewer usually root for the outsider. We tend to think we're all outsiders and not one of the Hollister and Amber and Crombie clone zombies. The fact she alienates everybody around her makes her more appealing. Though we all seem to think she'll eventually fit in by metamorphasizing into one of the clones, like one of those cheesy 80s teenage rom coms...she doesn't.

Bates seems to want you to be uncomfortable and like Pauline even though she does despicable things. She's "ugly", she's non compliant and she's independent. How can we like somebody like that? But somehow I did like her. I haven't seen a character like that since Lucky McKee's May. Many movies have tried this (and you'll see it in the Carrie remake for sure). It's a hard to make somebody care for somebody that crazy.

The film is not perfect though. We've seen some of that Excision "formula" of outcast vs The Cleavers before and it rehashes things in a few films I've seen before. The focus is a bit disjointed as Pauline clashes with her family, her school and her classmates. Nothing is really gained by these entanglements except getting to see how strange and fucked up Pauline is. And in a nutshell, like I said before, there really is no plot in this. There is nothing really significant that's happening to Pauline that is remotely interesting. Like I said, it's just a day in the life of....

With that said, can somebody who's everything society has taught us is not beautiful be somebody we can care about? That's where this movie will be a hit or miss with viewers. If you dig Pauline, you'll see that the American cookie cutter society is the source of the unhappy. If you don't, your more inclined for her to conform. It's a black comedy that makes you feel awkward because you may see YOU as the type of character onscreen. Pauline's witty comebacks and contradictions will make you laugh, but oddly make you think as well.

Excision is that little film that questions our American values and whether or not we can find happiness in who we are and whether or not we can do it while were a little bit crazy. Underneath the prototypical family is a world we don't necessarily see. Everybody is a bit crazy, has dreams that would make the most alpha male cringe but we hide those feelings and those thoughts deep into the trenches of our brain.

Some people let it all out and show the world who they really are. So who's really normal huh?

Nude-ipedia

Weird dreams by Pauline means naked women for us!

Gore-ipedia

Some blood that your tween brother can handle

WTF moment

The ending

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis


Excision is out on Blu Ray and DVD. Check out the official site and Facebook page. It's a soon to be cult classic, waiting to be discovered by some curious movie fan and hopefully embraced by the horror community. It's worth a look to see why Excision is curiously on some Best of 2012 lists.

Rating:



Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2012 horror movies, american mary, excision, gratuitous nudity, independent cinema, indepentent horror, indie film, indie horror, nudity, the woman

Gut (Review)

Gut 

Gut (2012)

Directed by Elias

If you tease me a movie about the snuff film, it's an urban legend that gets me curious. When you make an intriguing trailer, you've sucked me in.

But when you make a film that doesn't live up to any of that, well you've just pulled off a cruel joke. With Gut, the premise makes it seem we'll see The Ring meets August Underground. But somehow it's a slow burn psychological film instead, which didn't really resonate with all the bells and whistles of what a snuff film could be.

Clearly it's trying something different and being an indie horror film you'd expect a creative approach to the subject. But somehow there isn't much really going on. It's your standard everyday salaryman and his goofy friend stumbling on snuff and going down a rabbit hole of friendship damage and impending doom. Dudes work, eat, fuck (err.. with their significant others) and watch snuff. All ends as it should. With me being bored as all fuck.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Family man Tom has seen something he can't forget, a mysterious video with an ugly secret that soon spreads into his daily life and threatens to dismantle everything around him. 

Awesome Review-O-Matic

It seems the universal consensus by my fellow reviewers is this is a psychological horror kick. OK I could see glimpses of that in Gut. However, slow burn scenes of repetitive nonsense are not a way to go. Tom is a husband and father who with this wife Lily and daughter Katie lives the suburban life of work and play. Clearly this has sucked the life out of him so his BFF Dan (a horror freak) seemingly injects some crazy into his life in the form of a video he receives via the underground web of IRC chat rooms. 

The video consisting of a woman's stomach being sliced open is mesmerizing to the duo and they soon get hooked. It infiltrates their lives from work, to their relationships and to their friendship. Soon the movies become more personal and people die. Sorry that's the best summary I could do.

First let me say that the special effects are pretty solid. All looks wickedly non CGI-ish and is creepy snuff from the other pseudo snuff films I've seen. Add in the fact we get our standard share of boobs, that's one for Team Boobage. But somehow we get Tom's naked Shamus like pasty white ass in every random sex scene. It's the most awkward sex scenes I've seen bordering on those old Skinemax parodies of horror films.

Add in the fact that most shots are dialogue-less scenes of Tom and Dan staring aimlessly with their concerned faces, slow burn is given a new meaning. I can take long drawn out scenes that go on endlessly, but usually these end in a POW! fashion (See Ti West). Gut draws out that the snuff is affecting Tom but fillers everything with scenes of absolute Seinfeld-esque nothing. Bored out of mind, I was truly tempted to fast forward. 

If this is a psychological thriller about the loneliness of both sides of the equation (married couple vs single guy) it does neither to amp up the tension. I started to realize if this is something about something I missed the point. There are no real scares, no real scenes that made me "Oh Shit!" and nothing that made me think. I'm not sure what everybody else saw but clearly I'm in the minority here. 

Tom slowly loses control but there never seems to be a on the doorstep evil that might be on it's way. If this was intentional, then I think Elias missed a perfect opportunity to explore the evil that may be where we don't expect.The risks Elias takes on this direction of the snuff urban legend is weak at best. You have so many levels to work on and it seems he didn't even scratch the purpose.

But in the end, I needed the movie to give me something that I could take away. And all I got was a punch in the gut. A very weak one at that.

Nude-ipedia

Lots of cute boobs

Gore-ipedia

Slice and dice

Punch to the face trauma

WTF moment

The ending was weaker than Mike's Hard Lemonade

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

At least I marked this off my indie horror screener pile. Gut is clearly different but didn't accomplish what I was looking for. Maybe I expected more, but I really should have expected less.

Here is the official site and Facebook page.

Rating:


Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2012 horror movies, Does Snuff Exist, gut, hardcore snuff, indepentent horror, indie horror, pseudo snuff, snuff, snuff film

I Am a Ghost (Review)

I Am a Ghost 

I Am a Ghost (2012)

Directed by H.P. Mendoza

You'll have noticed a lack of reviews of late. I've been focusing on that other blog I do. The other reason for the lack of reviews is I've just been picky in what I've been watching. The horror screeners I get are full of poor men's attempt at what Hollywood wants. That's not what indie horror is.

H.P. Mendoza's I Am a Ghost is what indie horror is.

I have to be thankful I am part of a horror blogger inner circle that makes sure I see films like this. Thanks to Cortez the Killer at Planet of Terror (see his review) I feel reinvigorated in writing reviews for The Jaded Viewer. This film was a breath of fresh air and my fellow inner circler Chris at All Things Horror agrees (see his review here). It's what we as horror bloggers live for. Seeing something different, something unique and something with tons of risk that pays off big time.

Mendoza's I Am a Ghost is a slow burn ghost story that channels all the suspense of Kubrick film and releases it's madness Ti West style. You have to admire a film that throwsback to a cinematic style of vintaginess and still delivers. Add the fact the entire movie is centrally focused on one character, Emily (Anna Ishida) and in one setting, an old Victorian house and it's a bit risky endeavor. But that's why indie horror is a frontier. You'll never know if it will work if you don't try right?

I Am a Ghost plays with the viewer, forcing a WTF in every brief but cryptic scene until it slowly lets you in on the secrets that plague our dear Emily. Like a non linear jigsaw puzzle, all the pieces begin to make sense as the picture progresses (the eggs!!!) and once you see the entirety of the film, it's quite a sight to behold. It's full of chilling moments, superb acting and a twizzer twist on the ghost genre.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Emily, a troubled spirit, haunts her own house every day, wondering why she can't leave. With the help of Sylvia, a clairvoyant hired to rid the house of spirits, Emily is forced into a 'patient/therapist' relationship, uncovering disturbing mysteries about her past that may help her move on to 'the next place'.

Awesome Review-O-Matic 

I've slowly tried to give some leeway into the slow burn horror film. In both Ti West outings, I've been for and against it. It just depends on what's burning. In Mendoza's I Am a Ghost, the burn is full of dreamlike imagery of scenes of repetitiveness. Emily is a girl that seems oddly off. We see her repeat activities such as waking up, eating breakfast, getting groceries and cleaning. She's stuck in routine, but it seems her life in this Victorian house is not as it seems.The first quarter of  the film is a slow burn to get us use to what's been happening before were thrown into this story. Whereas you'd be bored by a slow walker, a creaky floor or a few jump scares or whatever, the snapshots of Emily in "her life" and its loopiness is a montage of foggy delight. You're put in WTF mode and it draws you in.

In her parent's room, she hears a disembodied voice of Sylvia a medium (hired by the homeowners) who is trying to help her "to the light". She cannot see Sylvia, and vice versa. In a farside twist where the ghost doesn't know she is a ghost, Emily is TOLD she is a ghost and believes it. Read that sentence again because it's important.

Sylvia's conversations with Emily revolve around the nature of "closing", her memories, her death and her routine. If she leaves her parent's room she forgets everything. The movie is a cinematic darling in it plays with a stylized Del Toro-ness. There is a bit of shabby humor between Sylvia and Emily that breaks all the spooky tension. It's like modernity meets a stubborn old man stuck in time. The conversations slowly give us a glimpse of Emily's situation as does the imprints she has left in each room.

As the film concludes, a reveal puts all the pieces together and Emily confronts what she has dreaded the most.

Anna Ishida's performance is stellarly fantastic. To act by yourself, with a voiceover as your only partner must have been challenging and she does a great job in pulling it off. There would be a point where you'd think she'd have to be overmelodramatic but her subtlety in her performance was without a doubt what made it great.

Mendoza's story could easily draw comparisons to The Sixth Sense, The Others and The Innkeepers but that would be a disservice. What this film does is create a sense of dread, hopelessness and mystery and reveals a young woman's disturbing secret has not been eliminated in death. It's a journey through a photographic album of a life that was full of hardship and pain, where our instinctive nature to see a happy ending won't be answered. The very nature of the ghost story is that it is suppose to scare you. But here we are in a comforting role though the scares do come in a frenetic ending.

H.P. Mendoza is a talented filmmaker who clearly has pulled the best the old guard and the new guard have created and made a film that resembles the best of both. You will not be disappointed to see a film that has a new story to tell, a style all it's own and an eerie take on the what goes bump in the night.

Make sure you see this film.

Gore-ipedia

A few scenes of the red stuff, nothing your grandma couldn't handle

WTF moment

The visual of Emily's secret...shivers

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I Am a Ghost is playing the film festival circuit. Be sure to check out the official site, follow H.P. Mendoza on Vimeo and Twitter. He just wrote a film called Yes Were Open starring Parry Shen. I'm pretty psyched to see what other films Mr. Mendoza has in store, hopefully he continues to do a few more in this genre.

Rating:

Check out the trailer below.

I AM A GHOST (Reviews Trailer #1) from H.P. Mendoza on Vimeo.

Categories: 2012 horror movies, ghost stories, ghosts, independent cinema, indepentent horror, indie horror, ti west, Top Terrifying Supernatural Moments

Kidnapped (Review)

Kidnapped

Kidnapped aka Secuestrados (2011)

Directed by Miguel Ángel Vivas

I've always thought the home invasion film is one of the most terrifying genres in all of horror. I mean the reason why is pretty obvious. It realistically could happen. That's terrifying as shit right?

Lots of movies have been made about this and I've seen a lot of them. Them (aka Ils), The Strangers, Inside and Funny Games are all the notables. When I first saw Michael Haneke's Funny Games, I'll admit I was blown away. Vicious violence and Haneke's attempt to chide us and ask if we were desensitized to it all was revolutionary. Now we're given yet another home invasion film that's just as nihilistic and unrelenting as Funny Games and one has to ask why?

Vivas's Kidnapped is a Spanish import that puts the audience uncomfortably close to a home invasion playing in real time and let's us squirm as a family is robbed, tortured and terrorized. It's pure cinematic wickedness as Vivas employs only a few cuts/edits and instead hovers the camera around the action as it plays. It's a damn eerie and effective technique, one where audience has nowhere to escape but feel as terrorized as this family.

But the problem with Kidnapped lies not in it's dread or viciousness but in it's characters. Our family are ridiculously badly drawn: Dad is inept, Mom is too houswifey and daughter seems like a spoiled brat. The bad guy's don't fair either. I'm going to use a Miami Heat analogy that may or may not work to explain their dumb-ititude.

In the end Kidnapped will shock the shit out of you (that ending will stick in your mind like a splinter) but says nothing of why violence fascinates us. Kidnapped is awesome style, but little substance and stands on the lower ladder of the home invasion genre. It's also why I disliked The Strangers so much. I need more than "Because you were home".

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Three hooded Eastern-European criminals burst into a home in a Madrid gated community, holding the family hostage in its own home, and forcing the father to empty his credit cards.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Let's get that pesky plot out of the way. Innocent Spanish family has just moved into an awesome new home and they display all those qualities of rich families I despise. Dad is mega rich, Mom is all into house wife duties and the daughter wants to party. When 3 ski masked criminals invade their home, they are abused and fucked up. Dad is forced to get PINs for all his credit cards and driven out into the city and take out the max from ATMs. Meanwhile, mom and daughter are guarded into a sense of home invasion normalcy.

Later, unexpected visitors ring that damn doorbell and get caught in the mix. It's up to our fearless duo to make sure their master heist goes according to plan. The camera work here is utterly flawless. The shots hover like a guardian angel, we peek in from scene to scene with no cutting whatsoever. Violence becomes almost dreamlike. In one scene where our girls try to escape, the terror is amplified by a Vivas technique where he goes split screen and we see the action take place simultaneously. It's damn effective revealing the horror of both scenes. My eye wandered to the criminals as I knew I'd see mega fuckedupness on their end.

It's this style that is suspenseful and draws an eager viewer into this hellish world that's taking place. Kidnapped is paced so well that it's a testament to the actors and actresses to get all their dialogue, motions, etc all accomplished without any cuts. You really do admire this type of cinema as its exhilarating to watch.

Let me go into that Miami Heat analogy. When one goes into home invasion as a criminal activity you'd think the 3 of them would be on the same page. Let's break them down with their Heat counterparts.

Master Chief Criminal: Wade

We have a leader who is the one takes the dad around town maxing out his cards. You'd think this guy could be able to handle his crew but you'd be wrong. He's doesn't have the pulse of his team and seems to be a useless kind of leader. But you get the feeling he's gonna put a dagger through your heart and come up with a Wade like game winning bucket.

Petty Criminal Crazy Guy: LeBron

OK this guy is kinda nuts. He goes all crazy and almost goes all Lebron in the 4th quarter. The entire heist was in jeopardy because of his actions. He goes all murdery on a inspector and decides to "SVU" the daughter. He's totally the muscle of the crew but definitely a total choker...you know like Lebron.

Petty Criminal Morality Guy: Bosh

This guy has a total change of heart and feels bad that Lebron guy is totally fucking up everybody and is out of control. Like Bosh, he's the 3rd fiddle and he brings absolutely nothing to the game. If you're recruiting for a home invasion, you need soldiers willing to do anything to get the job done. They brought Morality Bosh Guy. And he's a fuckin pussy.

So there you have it. Your Big Three master criminals. The master plan is completely flawed. How much can one really max out from an ATM machine to get a big score? Not a helluva alot I would imagine. Home invasions are bash and dash. You get in, you loot and you get out. But these guys are having a fuckin sleepover. Plus their team isn't as solid as one might think with a bad captain, a crazy guy and a wuss.

If it wasn't for Wade guy saving the day, they'd have lost to the damn Cleveland Cavaliers family. In every home invasion movie, the family always tries to fight back or escape. And sure our family does here. I'd take the argument that summoning up courage is hard to do when you fear for your life. But one has to make sure when they are fighting back, you actually defeat your enemy. I like to think in a way that the family was only up by 2 pts and thought they had won the game. That's when Amazing happens.

Kidnapped's characters are just not at all interesting and the logic is a little off. The style as I said was spectacular but the substance of what this nihilistic journey was for is lacking. In Funny Games, Haneke broke the 4th wall and talked to the audience and asked us what WE WOULD DO. It seemed that Haneke wanted to provoke the audience and ask why we want to see the violence and when he REWINDS the action, we're even more thrilled. There is a message within Funny Games with its clean cut villains and the quagmire they give the family.

In Kidnapped, it's all glitz and glamour. Oh we see our big 3 wreak havoc, we see the dazzling dunks of gore and splatter and a game winning shot and I enjoyed seeing this mayhem. But it didn't really give me anything to talk about after seeing it. I didn't come away with something that might be thought provoking or worthwhile.

Kidnapped gives you a taste of home invasion genre, the life and death struggle but doesn't have a conceptual theme of what we just saw. It's nihilism for nihilism's sake and sometimes that's all you get.

Nude-ipedia

Daughter has serious cleavage issues

Gore-ipedia

Sliced throats
Gunplay
SVU action
If I told you more, the movie might be spoiled

WTF moment

The ending

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I know Kidnapped is high on many Top 10 lists and it will get an honorable mention from me in mine. I expect more from my home invasion and I got what I expected. European imports usually have both style and substance. I'm kinda shocked Kidnapped didn't have the latter.

Rating:


Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, funny games trailer, funny games us remake, home invasion movies, independent cinema, indepentent horror, indie horror, inside, spanish horror, the strangers, them, them ils

The Innkeepers (Review)

The Innkeepers

The Innkeepers (2011)

Directed by Ti West

There is a king of the slow burn horror movie and his name is Ti West. West, who's filmography includes The Roost, Cabin Fever 2 and The House of Devil has made a name for himself in the methodically paced horror movie. I was not a fan of this in The House of the Devil writing:

"However, at the end of the day the movie is a wicked slow slow slow burn. It takes so long to get to the nitty gritty that no Red Bulls were helping to keep me awake."

However, in The Innkeepers the slow burn has hills and valleys and surprisingly has humor in it filled with cleverisms and pop culturisms that rescue it from being engulfed in eternal boredom. It dabbles in LOLs while fine tuning a ghost story as it's central premise. What you get is a fun, mish mash of amateur ghost hunter hipsters making contact with the ethereal plain which slowly evolves The Innkeepers into a non laughing matter.

The Innkeepers is smart enough to know it's audience and by doing so gives us an old fashioned spooky throwback ghost story that balances the line between being cute and scary. The characters are drones, the guests are odd and the ghosts are cliched visual jump scares. With all the said, I still had a few problems with West's lack of a firepower ending and his overabundance to drag the movie into zzzzzzzzzzz territory but some things can be overlooked when I'm having fun.

But I'm all for the nostalgia for my vintage Poltergeists for the new millennium. The Innkeepers could be Generation X's's answer to that 80s classic.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

After over one hundred years of service, The Yankee Pedlar Inn is shutting its doors for good. The last remaining employees - Claire (Sara Paxton) and Luke (Pat Healy)- are determined to uncover proof of what many believe to be one of New England's most haunted hotels. As the Inn’s final days draw near, odd guests check in as the pair of minimum wage “ghost hunters” begin to experience strange and alarming events that may ultimately cause them to be mere footnotes in the hotel’s long unexplained history.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

When you do a supernatural horror movie, you can possibly go one of two ways. You can go all LOLs or you could go deadly serious. It seems Ti West elected to do both. In The Innkeepers, Claire (Sara Paxton) and Luke (Pat Healy) are hotel worker drones who man the Yankee Pedlar Inn (in CT) for one last weekend before it goes out of business. There is a history of dread, as the hotel has a legend of Madeline O'Malley, whose death in a cellar has caused her to haunt this now defunct hotel.

The movie revolves around the dynamic of our hipster duo. Luke documents the history of his paranormal workplace on a website while Claire is in awe of a famous old timey actress (who she adores) that has checked into the hotel. Both are realistic drones who burn their boredom away with clever dialogue, actual job duties, beer and a search for scientific proof of the supernatural.

Staying at the hotel 24/7, they take shifts but at night, Claire goes all Fox Mulder and starts hearing the creeks and squeaks of something not right. It's here West goes all slow burn, hovering above Claire as she searches the remnants of a hotel (sometimes in full daylight) other times in the dead of night. Sara Paxton has a mesmerizing quality that made me buy into her performance. Claire is an asthmatic, everyday girl whose ambition has slowly died away. Paxton's performance is quirky stellar, similar to that of the cutout of a "hot gamer girl" but in this case "hot ghost hunter girl".

Pat Healy's Luke is goofball lovable. He's the horror geek, bad at web design, obsessed with the supernatural and possibly infatuated with his partner in crime. And his performance is not condescending to us horror hipsters at all. I could easily call these characters my friends.

But West wants to make sure that you get just enough haha's before he unleashes his House of the Devil style slow burn jump scares. And don't worry you get some eerie buildup of falsehoods and glimpses of either hallucinations, dreams or actual paranormal phenomenon. The fact that it's vague is part of the charm all the way to the end. It's almost a perfect film in how the atmosphere gets built up (a lost art in my opinion) and a perfect blueprint feature resembling those viral Internet videos with the "actual ghost footage" that leads to a growly scream of a "ghost" that usually scares the shit out of you.

My gripes, though few, are the things I originally said about House/Devil. I appreciate the false alarms but they take fuckin a Lord of the Rings trilogy to get there. Other characters such as Leanne Rease-Jones (played by Kelly McGillis) is the equivalent of the guy who always knows about the legend. Leanne plays a healer/medium who senses danger but elects to stay at the creepy hotel anyway. A few more guests make appearances but none add to the overall film.

Finally, I still don't think Ti West knows how to end a film. With such buildup, one demands an ending which can hold up the entire movie. Instead, West goes all conventional and I was a bit disappointed. I'm not looking for some M. Night Shalatwisters, but it still felt a little flat.

But as I said before The Innkeepers is damn fuckin smart. Characters react as I thought I would react, they get nervous, stammer and crack jokes like I would. Call me a horror hipster too. I'm not ashamed. The Innkeepers is a Generation X ode to the horror ghost story that younglings will like but keep us hardcore aged horror fanatics on our toes. I love my nostalgia not remade but repackaged in original creative tales. Ti West has finally made a movie I liked, nay loved. That's a first.

The slow burn horror king has built a kingdom with a unique style, flair and has a treasure room of all those very familiar cliches. Sometimes royalty shares the wealth with the people and Ti West does just that. Hopefully the 99% will see The Innkeepers for the gem that it is.

Nude-ipedia

Sara Paxton shows some leg (she's so damn cute!)

WTF moment

The first encounter with Madeline O'Malley

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The Innkeepers will premiere on Video in Demand on December 30th, 2011. It'll be in theaters on February 3rd, 2012 courtesy of Magnet Releasing. The film is in conjunction with Dark Sky Films and Larry Fessenden's Glass Eye Pix.

The Innkeepers is definitely going to find a place on my Top 10 of 2011 list. If you're looking for a quality old fashioned spookster, this is the perfect film.

The Vitals

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Rating:

Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, ghost stories, horror comedy, independent cinema, indepentent horror, indie film, indie horror, larry fesseden, the house of the devil

Sweatshop (Review)

Sweatshop

Sweatshop (2009)

Directed by Stacy Davidson

"It's always the quiet ones that cut your dick off while you're not looking"

-Token black guy DJ

It's rare to see a film that takes the slasher formula and hammers in the gore relentlessly. If there is one thing that nails this down, it's Sweatshop, a splatter soaked gore-o-thon that gives us sex, beats and a big fuckin sledgehammer.

Director Stacy Davidson and writer Ted Geoghegan clearly went for the jugular in this film. I'll get to the gore in a second but the cast of characters who we'll get to meet are the anti-Hollywood Hollister/American Eagle bunch of white people. They're ravers/punk rockers/crustycore motley crew sorta bunch and kudos to the costume department for making them all stand out in their own way.

A few plot points are scattered around, a few LOLs dabbled in but the gorehounds will rejoice when "The Beast" and his banshee she-demons get their kill on. It's the gore and splatter that drives Sweatshop, make no doubt about it. It's not reinventing the slasher genre but it's making sure the definition is being 100% adhered to.

Sweatshop's The Beast is a slasher even Thor would be scared of.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A group of friends break into an abandoned factory in order to throw a impromptu party; unaware that it is not as empty as they originally believed.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

I review every slasher flickwith my handy jaded viewer slasher checklist. Below is a list of what we here at the jaded viewer deem as full of chunky gooiness when it comes to the ingredients of a solid slasher-palooza.

Does Sweatshop achieve everything on this list?

1.) Does the movie have..... a mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher?

Check. The Beast's backstory is never told, we don't even know why he wants to kill these glow stick motherfuckers. He's got a pimp fur coat and a welding mask and his fuckin large...like Butterbean large. I'm going to assume he's an inbred redneck as that's what I always assume.

2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity?

Definite check. The raver-tastic Krystal Freeman who plays Lolli shows us her lovely lovelies (that's boobs) and it's mucho fantastico. Top it off with a sex scene with a fat guy and..... ::shivers::

3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?

Check. Clearly there's a final girl in here somewhere. We have Charlie, the greedy raver in charge, Scottyboy the mohawk sex fiend, Wade the hillbilly, Jade the malicious vixen, Lolli the slut, Miko the other slut and a token black DJ.

4.) No Plot?

Check. Kids have a rave in an abandoned warehouse where a Thor envy slasher kills them. What more you want?

5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"

Check. I'll say that they went old school with this one.

6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, hammer frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem?

Check. Top notch over the top gore in this one. Severed heads via a hedge clipper, sliced heads via machetes, entrails and intestines ripped out and many many many splatter inducing, modified sledge hammer wallops that result in pancake ravers. Ocular trauma, penis trauma, hand trauma, neck trauma...there be a whole shitload of fuckin trauma in this.

7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)

Nope. Nothing. Nada. Nobody really takes charge. Everybody fends for themselves. Bunch of savages in this town.

8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)

There are a few jokes that made me chuckle but overall it's the final rave scene at the end where The Beast goes exterminator on the raver "roaches" that had me laughing.

9.) Gratuitous cameos by actors who have portrayed horror legends (Candyman, Freddy Kreuger and Jason Voorhees) that make you flash a metal sign and do the Beavis and Butthead pseudo head nodding.

Nope.

10.) Wildly ambiguous ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?

Check.

************************************************************

Sweatshop isn't the most creative slasher movie but it's the most bloodiest one I've seen in a while. It's got its gimmicks (ravers doing ravy things) and a masked slasher with a weapon that would make Jason Voorhees jealous. The characters are your standard cardboard cutouts of not white teen suburbia but cutouts of what we think ravers dress and act like. I mean they had them drinking and smoking weed...but not doing meth or taking E? WTF?

By the end of the first hour, the body count is quite high and your waiting to see what the hell will happen in the final 30. And I'll admit it doesn't disappoint. It's a crazy gore soaked ending.

I've always said that if you have gratuitous nudity, some semi interesting characters and a formidable killing machine, you've made a decent slasher film in my book.

You may not have expected it, but Sweatshop cuts off a good solid dick.

Gore-ipedia

See checklist item #6

Nude-ipedia

Gratuitous nudity at its most gratuitous

WTF moment

That hammer is seriously pimped out

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Sweatshop is being distributed via Screen Media Films and was released on DVD September 13th. Sarah Jahier of Fatally Yours has a quote on the DVD box (which peaked my interest in watching this) and a Bloody Disgusting and Dread Central gave good reviews.

The Vitals

• The official site
• Like Sweatshop on Facebook!
• Follow Sweatshop on Twitter!
  

Rating:
1/2


Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, 80s horror, 80s slasher horror, gore, indepentent horror, indie horror, slasher films, slashers, splatter, splatter gore, top gore movies, top splatter movies

Strigoi (Review)

Strigoi

Strigoi (2009)

Directed by Faye Jackson

I don't get it.

Every other reviewer seems to think this was a creative and unique take on the old Romanian legend that spawned the vampire. Maybe I have ADD and can't stand long, boring scenes of nothing. Maybe I don't get the humor in this. Maybe I don't understand why Romanians speak English. Maybe I don't get the fact the film is goofing around with a generational gap.

Maybe I just don't get this flick.


Boring Plot-O-Matic

Podoleni Village may seem like a typical Eastern European town, but when a young local named Vlad goes searching for his grandfather’s runaway dog, he uncovers a mysterious death. As Vlad digs deeper into the possible murder mystery, his trail leads him to the Tirescus — an ex-Communist couple who happen to be the richest landowners in town. Though Vlad is determined to confront the Tirescus, his quest takes a sudden detour when he learns that the two bullies may be bloodsuckers in more ways than one…

Strigoi: The Undead is a Vampire movie that defies categorization. Shedding a fantastic light on a post-Communist Romanian village, the film introduces us to an ancient myth: Strigoi, the belief that people who’ve been wronged can rise again after death to seek justice and satisfy their thirst for blood. A deeply human take on an old horror story, this dark comedy explores the old world versus the new and delves into the heart of modern Romania.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Faye Jackson's Strigoi is a British indie flick that uses the old Romanian legend of "strigoi" to get back the vampire to its roots. The central character Vlad is a young 20-ish hipster and former med student who's looking for guidance in his life. Returning to his hometown in Romania, he encounters his mom, grandpappy and a cast of townies who have a secret that they are trying to cover up.

Filled with slight goofy humor as the strigoi infiltrate the lives of Vlad, his family and the town, none if it really clicked for me. Lots of 'logue filled with generational gap humor and investigative protocol. I probably wasn't really paying attention but if the movie were interesting, I'd be on alert. None of the humor was very funny and none of the scenes were remotely memorable.

The monsters weren't really that terrifyingly funny. And running at 106 minutes, you need a good pace to keep somebody like me interested.

Maybe I missed the point, the humor and whatever was going on in this flick. I'm just going to mark it as a gap in my jaded viewer memory.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The movie is being released via Breaking Glass Pictures on their Vicious Circle Label. These may not be the vampires you're looking for. Move along.

The Vitals

• The official site

Rating:
1/2 a

Here's the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, breaking glass pictures, indepentent horror, indie horror, vampires

Stake Land (Review)

Stake Land

Stake Land (2011)

Directed by Jim Mickle

When I saw the trailer for Jim Mickle's Stake Land, I have to say I got excited. Mickle's Mulberry Street to me is one of the best films to come out of the lame-o After Dark Horrorfests. So after tackling zombies, the next logical step has to be vampires right?

Stake Land draws a world of post apocalyptic America filled with non sparkly vampires and religious extremism taken to it's most extreme. Comparisons to The Road meets the Walking Dead meets Red State have to be made. And these are all good things in an above average flick. Characters come first in Stake Land, with eerie scenes of a wrinkled and abandoned America coming in second and finally fight scenes coming in at bronze.

There are no 3D gimmicks or star power to drive Stake Land. That's the beauty of a straight forward genre piece by Mickle. You're here to enjoy the road trip of these rag tag strangers who are looking for the mystical New Eden. Like in all road trips, you're going to get bored a few times along the way and Stake Land does suffer from stretches of boring nothingness. Not even a hint of dialogue to get more character development.

But clearly you have to take the good with the bad. Stake Land is a safe bet, a sunny day in a world of the bloody thirsty.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Martin was a normal teenage boy before the country collapsed in an empty pit of economic and political disaster. A vampire epidemic has swept across what is left of the nation's abandoned towns and cities, and it's up to Mister, a death dealing, rogue vampire hunter, to get Martin safely north to Canada, the continent's New Eden.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

No extensive review here. I'm sure you can browse through the IMDB external reviews to get what you need about plot and such. I'm going to just give you a few thoughts on the film via list form because well I can't come up with coherent sentences.

• Mister (Nick Damici) is one badass vampire motherfuckin hunter. A tough guy's tough guy. No jokey slayer. Nuff said.
• Martin is Daniel-son, padwan and youngling. I like how the opening credits are a freakin training montage.
• Their one man wolfpack includes: a nun, the lovely pregnant Danielle Harris and a Marine brotha
• I loved the backdrops of burnt out cars, houses and vampires hanging on ropes. Just great post apocalyptic scenery bordering on a Hollywood set design. This might not be to far off from the real America.
• Jebedia and the Brotherhood seems like a extreme satire on all that is Republican religious right wing nutzoids. I know these people actually exist but in Stake Land they come out as a crazy cult bent on survival. It seem to unbelievable to me but I'll give it a pass
• The American government and military seem so half ass in a vampire apocalyptic world. I would hope they wouldn't fold this easy.
• The father-son relationship between Mister and Martin is solid, pretty much the driving force of the flick.
• The action scenes are straightforward. Gunshots, slicing and dicing, stake through the hearts, yada yada yada.
  
• Who dies first...the nun or the brotha?
• The final battle is sad and sadder and saddest
  
• The ending is clearly a nod to all zombie flick endings

Stake Land is indie horror with a precision pulse on the genre. A lot of indie films try to emulate a post apocalyptic world be it zombies or vampires but Stake Land is one of the few that does it right. It's a little slow at times, yes even boring at points, the characters aren't totally flushed out, a few hiccups with the plot and story but all are minor grievances in an otherwise fresh take on the vampire run amok genre.

I can only guess where Mickle will go next. Maybe werewolves? How about a regular slasher flick? Maybe even a killer shark. I can see Mickle headed towards some big budget remake and I'm praying that doesn't happen.

That would be a stake right through my fuckin heart.

Nude-ipedia

Nada

Gore-ipedia

Your standard stuff

WTF moment

Danielle Harris.....NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The movie is now out on DVD via IFC Films. I'm sure you can Netflix it or whatever. It's a good solid 140 min and has a few themes running through it for the more intellectual horror fan. You'll definitely leave feeling like you've seen a solid horror flick.

The Vitals

• The official site

Rating:


Trailer

Categories: 2011 horror movies, Apocalypse, danielle harris, indepentent horror, indie horror, jim mickle, larry fesseden, post apocalyptic, stake land, stake land teaser, stake land trailer, vampires

Help get Before The Mask: The Return of Leslie Vernon made!

The best horror movie of 2007 needs your help for a sequel and from the synopsis it looks pretty interesting. Leslie Vernon wants to do a Part 2 and as you can see in the video below he needs your help to get it done.

By pre-ordering the BluRay/DVD and buying other stuff, YOU THE VIEWER help the film get made and ensure a sequel can be greenlit. BTM: The Return of Leslie Vernon is one of the best slasher mockumentaries in recent years and for them to follow up with a sequel would be insanely awesome. By PRE-ORDERING the movie, you help to get it made.

It's funny because just recently I wrote up this post about filmmakers bribing us for money and now I'm considering actually donating to get this made. Just like Indie GoGo and Kickstarter, there is a donation structure with the most expensive being:

• GET KILLED IN THE MOVIE! That's right every horror fans' wet dream come true! Air trans & hotel incl. Seriously low on avail. Limit 1 per person!: $7,500
  
  
• OWN LESLIE VERNON'S OUTFIT SCYTHE & MASK! The Ultimate B4TM collector's item! VFX will make 3 that Nathan Baesel will wear during filming: $5,000

I never said these sites were a bad thing, though I questioned the ridiculous donation structures to get the fans cash. But now I can see the benefits of such a venture. I may just buy the Blu-ray to help support the film.

There has been lots of talk of supporting indie horror. This is as supportive as you can be.

Head over to the official Facebook site for more info.

HELP LESLIE VERNON RISE FOR A SEQUEL!

Categories: Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, indepentent horror, indie horror, indiegogo, kickstarter, slasher films, slashers

Exit 33 (Review)

Exit 33

Exit 33 (2011)

Directed by Tommy Brunswick

Really? $20 to fill up a tank of gas?

Clearly this film takes place in bizarro world. Exit 33 is not a good movie. To say it's a piece of crap is to insult crap. I mean that poster says it all doesn't it? Kane Hodder and his menacing stare armed with a tire iron? This is the best you got for this man?

Sigh.

What could have been a Hodder Hatchet-like performance turns to crap. Exit 33 is the equivalent of Rebecca Black's "Friday" but with dead bodies. Let me use her lyrics to illustrate this:

[Verse 1]

7am, waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my jerky, gotta have it smoked
Seein’ everything, the time is goin’
Tickin’ on and on, everybody’s rushin’
Gotta get down to the gas stop
Gotta kill some babes, I see my customers

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which girl can I kill?

[Chorus]

It’s Hodder, Hodder
Gotta get down with Hodder
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the killin, killin
Hodder, Hodder
Gettin’ down with Hodder
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the killin

Killin’, killin’ (Yeah)
Killin’, killin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the Hodder

[Verse 2]

7:45, we’re drivin’ on the highway
Cruisin’ so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin’ in the front seat
Sittin’ in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which girl can I kill?

[Chorus]

It’s Hodder, Hodder
Gotta get down with Hodder
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the killin, killin
Hodder, Hodder
Gettin’ down with Hodder
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the killin

Gettin’ down on Hodder
Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend

Killin’, killin’ (Yeah)
Killin’, killin’ (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the Hodder

Yesterday was a blonde girl, Thursday was a black girl
Today i-is brunette, Hodder (killin’)
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is some random dudes
And Sunday comes after...wards (killin a hipster)
I don’t want this weekend to end

I won't include the rap verse. Wasn't that painful? Now you know.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A few miles off Exit 33 lies Ike’s Last Chance Gas, an old, forgotten hideaway where the reclusive Ike pumps gas and practices his taxidermy skills. Though he might come across as a simple soul, Ike has a dark secret: he’s obsessed with women who have enchanting eyes — eyes he wants to keep for himself. Now, as four friends make their way to their 5-year high school reunion, they all make the mistake of taking Exit 33, and they won’t be making it back to the highway any time soon.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

I decided to tweet out my thoughts as I watched and hit up a couple of awesome horror bloggers Fred from Full Moon Reviews, Matt from Chuck Norris Ate My Baby, CTK from Planet of Terror and Geof at The Man Cave. Here our a few of their tweets surrounding the most important portions of the flick.

INITIAL THOUGHTS

fredthewolf: It's not a good flk at all. Hodder is the best part about it. I was bored watching it.

Mattsuzaka: It's not, but it's slightly entertaining in its ineptitude. I enjoyed it as a low-level B-Movie, that's about it (and) when I saw it had a 2.8 on IMDB, I had a good idea what I was in for!

realmancave: if you haven't watched Exit 33 yet, you are luckier than me.

THE CUSTOMERS

So Kane has kills because his dead wife tells him to or some such nonsense. However, nobody notices and Ike seems to get a ton of customers. This is summed up nicely by Matt and Fred in a few tweets.

Mattsuzaka: You have to wonder how this dude gets so much business when he certainly isn't getting repeat costumers!

fredthewolf:And no one ever wonders about the abandoned cars that park on the same spot of the road. Sigh...

THE DRIVING SCENES

Speaking of the road, the driving scenes are LOL bad.

fredthewolf: BTW, fave part were the driving scenes. Haven't seen backgrounds that good since Airplane!

planetofterror: that movie is so fucking terrible. Worst green screen scenes ever.

THE HODDER

But the reason we all watch this is for the Hodder. But it seemed like Kane was really giving much effort on this film. Here are mine and Geof's tweets on Kane's performance.

jadedviewer: I'm watching exit 33. Kodder is like giving it 13 percent effort in this flk.

jadedviewer: This Kane Hoddef flk is the "4 the paycheck" equivalent of Tony Todd doing those final destination flks

jadedviewer: Kane is just randomly punching women in the face. This should be a sitcom

jadedviewer:Kane's trademarked menacing stare just made a cameo! Oh wait his face is always like that

realmancave: Kane from WWE would have mailed in a better performance than Kane Hodder.


THE BATHROOM

More killin ensues via ocular trauma, slice and dice (you figure out where he the jerky comes from) and then our final girl shows up. This then gives our first look at the bathroom which has no stall doors, is covered in blood and filth and shit and doesn't have toilet paper!

Mattsuzaka: It reminded me of a time when I had to take a shit at a bar during a metal concert. The stall didn't have a door. That was scarier than Exit 33. Well, except for the crappy gas quality.

fredthewolf: Yeah, she was pretty hot. But I'm not into girls who use shitty toilets without paper on the seat 1st.

Suffice it to say, the only way you can get through a horrible film like this is to RiffTrax/MST3K it with some horror blogging friends. Exit 33 is boring, dull and a waste of the Hodder. If only they auto-tuned it, maybe it would have turned out better.

Nude-ipedia

A sex scene with clothes on is not acceptable under any circumstances for a horror movie

Gore-ipedia

Tom Savini is spinning in his grave (oh wait he's alive)

WTF moment

Kane punches women in the face...randomly

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

The movie is now out on DVD via Breaking Glass Pictures horror arm Vicious Circle Films. If you need to worship the Hodder, watch it. All others don't exit on Exit 33. I gave it 1/2 a spinkick because my review is awesome because of this crappy film.

The Vitals

• The official site
• Read Chuck Norris Ate My Baby Review of Exit 33
• Read Full Moon Reviews Review of Exit 33
• Follow Matt on Twitter
• Follow Fred on Twitter
• Follow Geof on Twitter
• Follow CTK on Twitter
  

Rating:
1/2 a

Check out the trailer.

Categories: 2011 horror movies, breaking glass pictures, indepentent horror, indie horror, kane hodder, slasher films, slashers