After Dark Horrorfest 4: Dread (Review)

As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.

Here's a little excerpt from my review of Dread.

"In the same vain as Martyrs, Dread's psychological (then physical) trauma inflicted on the victims is done to prove a point. While Martyrs went beyond the limit, Dread goes a tad lite on the issue.

Yes, I'm actually calling Dread a diet version of Martyrs."

Read the rest of the review by heading to UGO.com.

Categories: after dark, after dark horrorfest 2010, after dark horrorfest 4, after dark horrorfest boxset, clive barker, horrorfest, miss horrorfest

After Dark Horrorfest 4: Hidden (Review)

As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.

Here's a little excerpt from my review of Skjult aka Hidden.

"It's a little odd that Hidden has ended up in the After Dark Horrorfest 4 lineup. The film has some elements of horror, but it’s really a psychological suspense movie disguised as horror by a deceptive poster and a rapid edited trailer."

Read the rest of the review by heading to UGO.com.

Categories: 2010 horror dvd, 2010 horror movies, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2010, after dark horrorfest 4, after dark horrorfest boxset, horrorfest, miss horrorfest

After Dark Horrorfest 4: The Reeds (Review)

As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.

Here's a little excerpt from my review of The Reeds.

"The one thing I’ll say about The Reeds is, well it had actual planty like reeds. As for the movie itself, it’s a muddy boggy creek. In other words, a complete mess."

Read the rest of the review by heading to UGO.com.

Categories: after dark, after dark horrorfest 2010, after dark horrorfest 4, after dark horrorfest boxset, british horror, horrorfest, miss horrorfest

After Dark Horrorfest 4: Lake Mungo (Review)

As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.

Here's a little excerpt from my review of Lake Mungo.

"I must admit, Lake Mungo was not on my must-see radar when reviewing the After Dark Horrorfest movies. But this is the hidden gem beneath the proverbial sand of the eight films. I was exceptionally surprised at how great the movie was and amazed that it didn’t slowly evolve into a cheap Paranormal Activity gimmick. The trailer and poster are very misleading and you may be convinced you’re seeing a midnight movie set to deliver jolts of jump scares.

I am here to say jump scares be damned."

Read the rest of the review by heading to UGO.com.

Categories: after dark, after dark horrorfest 2010, after dark horrorfest 4, after dark horrorfest boxset, australian horror, horrorfest, miss horrorfest, paranormal activity, the blair witch project

After Dark Horrorfest 4: The Graves (Review)

As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.

Here's a little excerpt from my review of The Graves.

"How could a movie that consisted of hot girls in tank tops with bouncy cleavage and two horror titans, Bill Moseley and Tony Todd end up a worthless pile of crap?

The Graves is completely clichéd, annoying, repetitive and cheesy. And that's me being nice."

Read the rest of the review by heading to UGO.com.

Categories: after dark, after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2010, after dark horrorfest 4, after dark horrorfest boxset, bill moseley, horrorfest, miss horrorfest

After Dark Horrorfest 4: Zombies of Mass Destruction (Review)

As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.

Here's a little excerpt from my review of Zombies of Mass Destruction.

"The zom com has been riding a high of late. Gone is your traditional slow moving scare em shoot em up zombie horror. It's been replaced by parodying self aware zombie comedies of late. So Zombies of Mass Destruction enters the fray into this subgenre. Is it as good as the Zombieland or Shaun of the Dead?

C'mon now. Of course not. But it's a damn fun ride."

Read the rest of the review by heading to UGO.com.

Categories: 8 films to die for, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 2010, after dark horrorfest 4, after dark horrorfest boxset, horrorfest, miss horrorfest, zombies

After Dark Horrorfest 4: The Final (Review)

As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.

Here's a little excerpt from my review of The Final.

"The best way to describe The Final is its Saw 90210. In a typical suburban high school, a group of self aware misfits and outcasted teens devise a plan (based on horror movies, oh how self aware!) to take revenge on the jocks, popular douchbags and mean girls. Inviting them to a costume party, the partygoers are drugged and when they wake up are cuffed and chained together. Suffice it say, our teen outcasts are gonna get medieval"

Read the rest of the review by heading to UGO.com.

Categories: 8 films to die for, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 4, after dark horrorfest boxset, horrorfest, miss horrorfest, saw

After Dark Horrorfest 4: Killing Theory (Review)

As I mentioned before, I'm reviewing all the After Dark Horrorfest 4 movies on UGO.com. I've made up a hub for all my reviews. Keep checking back as it will be updated once the reviews go live on UGO.com.

Here's a little excerpt from my review of Kill Theory.

"Kill Theory is not great but compared to the others, it's pretty solid. The premise is an intriguing one. The movie poses the question: What would you do to survive if given the choice to either kill your friends in order to live. The answer plays out as slightly cliched and is executed in the most extreme way possible. And somehow it came out five by five."

Read the rest of the review by heading to UGO.com.

Categories: 8 films to die for, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 4, after dark horrorfest boxset, horrorfest, miss horrorfest, slasher films

After Dark Horrorfest IV (Reviews)

Last year I saw 7 of the 8 films c/o of UGO.com who asked me to review them all. Well this year they asked me to do it again and I squeamishly obliged. The last few movies I've seen via After Dark were mediocre at best. I even had a horrible time watching Perkins 14 at the theater. I gotta admit I enjoyed making fun of the films but that can only go so far. I really wanted to see some good films this year.

One can hope.

So this be the database for all my reviews for After Dark Horrorfest 4. I'll post a link for each movie review that heads over to UGO.com. Most of these reviews are short (350 words or less). It's not my usual style to use letter grades and not use serious amounts of profanity but they all have that quirky dialogue you're all use to if your a frequent visitor to the jaded viewer.

I'll post each review preview on the blog as well me thinks. Well that's enough yapping, click on a link below to review!

1. Dread
2. The Final
   
3. Hidden
4. Kill Theory
   
5. Lake Mungo
6. The Graves
7. The Reeds
   
8. Zombies of Mass Destruction
   

All the trailers can be found here in case you want to take a look. Please leave a comment on UGO and let me know what you thought as well.

Categories: 8 films to die for, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2010, after dark horrorfest 4, after dark horrorfest boxset, horrorfest, miss horrorfest

After Dark Horrorfest III: 2009 (DVD Reviews)

You know how much the After Dark Horrorfest III 2009 box set actually cost? $112!!!
Get the fuck outta here.

You might as well spend that dough on a hooker. At least you know you're getting ripped off.

In any case, as you know I've been reviewing all of these movies for your benefit so you can get an idea of what you may be getting into. It's just one man's jaded viewer opinion but honestly they all pretty much suck. What did you expect...a good film? Maye something awesome like Frontiere(s) or Mulberry Street?

Don't believe the hype. It's mediocre-ville bordering in suckyburg in this year's After Dark Horrorfest.

So UGO.com was happy to take my reviews plus add their own and make a nice PG-13 mini DVD review of the flicks.

You can check out all the reviews by going here.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Categories: after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, after dark horrorfest boxset, horrorfest, miss horrorfest, ugo.com

After Dark Horrorfest 2007: Crazy Eights (Review)

Crazy Eights

Crazy Eights (2006)

Directed by James Koya Jones

That’s 80 minutes I’ll never get back. That would be my quote if it appeared on the DVD cover of Crazy Eights.

So instead of a review that thoroughly shreds this movie, let’s go with a revised TV show theme song.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip
That started at this abandoned house aboard this horror flick
The main character was a mighty professor, the priest was brave and sure,

Four badly written horror characters set sail that day for a 80 minute tour.

a 80 minute tour.

The movie started getting rough, each horror cutout stereotype started to die.
If not for some dialogue about an angry, evil supernatural little girl who wanted revenge because of guilt?!?, the audience would be lost.

The audience would be lost.

The movie set ground on the shore of mediocrity
With Dina Meyer, Frank Whaley too, some other guy and his wife (ok not really his wife, that just needed to rhyme),
Traci Lords, the Priest and Gabrielle Anwar, here on Crazy Eights Isle!

That was fun. Suffice it to say I didn’t like Crazy Eights. It’s mind boggling that this was part of the After Dark Horrorfest. These 8 movies are supposed to be shunned by the mainstream as having dark or disturbing subject matter. But Crazy Eights is like a horror TV movie of the week.

The plot-matic tells us 6 friends have gathered for a childhood friend’s funeral and discover a map to a wooden trunk. The contents are all things from their mysterious past which eventually leads them to an abandoned house (because abandoned house are freakin scary). There they see glimpses of a little girl who has long black hair and raggedy clothes (and no she didn’t climb out of a TV). The horror gods trap them in and they begin to search for a way out discovering clues to their mysterious childhood along the way. They all eventually get picked off one by one which is done mostly off screen (the most aggravating horror movie convention) Gore hounds, you do not need to see this muck of a movie.

The cast is the most recognizable of all the Horrorfest movies. Dina Meyer (Saw franchise), Frank Whaley (“Big Brain on Brett” from Pulp Fiction), Traci Lords (c’mon you know), Gabrielle Anwar (Body Snatchers), George Newbern and Dan DeLuca who also co-wrote the film. All are in acting class mode and regurgitate badly written dialogue and overact when they are in danger.

Director James Jones vision is atmospheric, using his prime location of an abandoned asylum to dictate the “scares” from an arm grabbing hand to a missing jaw. But this crappy snooze fest is just filled with emotional psycho babble dribble and a script that is so boring, it makes straight to DVD torture porn look like Citizen Kane.

Crazy Eights seemed to have a good premise and a creepy location to draw out a disturbing story. But just like the cast of Gilligan’s Island, it never gets off the island and you sit there wondering, where did my 80 minutes go?

The Extras:

Included in all of the After Dark Horrorfest DVDs are the Miss Horrorfest Contest webisodes. Think Surreal Life meets the Misfits. It’s a VH1 version of the Suicide Girls.

Rating:

1/2

The Trailer:




Tags:
crazy eights, crazy eights trailer , traci lords , dina meyer, frank whaley , after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark,
after dark horrorfest, horrofest

Categories: after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark horrorfest 2008, after dark horrorfest boxset, crazy eights, dina meyer, frank whaley, miss horrorfest, traci lords