Showing posts with label straight to dvd. Show all posts
Showing posts with label straight to dvd. Show all posts

Friday, April 08, 2011

10 Things the Netflix Generation could learn from the VHS Generation

As a man who's experienced 2 generations of home video viewing, I have a distinct view of the past and the present world of home video. I remember the days of going to the video store and renting a movie. I also was one of the very first people to ever sign up for Netflix and take advantage of their 3 DVDs out monthly fee.

Just for full disclosure, I once was banned by Netflix due to "lost DVDs". I never stole any DVDs back in 1999. It just so happen that they got lost in the mail. But I digress. I'm currently not a Netflix member but I know the benefits of Netflix streaming and the like.

In this day of video in demand and instant streaming, somethings been lost in how we find out what movies we want to watch. And the list below is 10 things I think the Netflix generation could learn from the VHS generation.

1.) VHS box art and a vague description sometimes resulted in finding a hidden gem

Sure you can see the artwork and plot on Netflix and you can also view the trailer. But when you had to rely solely on bad artwork, it was like the mystery meat of video stores. You never knew what you'd get and sometimes you'd watch a flick that surprised you.

2.) Be Kind, Rewind

Kids were taught self discipline to rewind their movies or face a hefty (well for kids anyway) fine. But the most important thing about not being able to skip chapters easily was you usually watched a movie straight on through. These days, we sometimes watch a flick over a few days. There is something to be said about having to watch a whole movie all the way. And who didn't have an automatic rewinder?

3.) It's due the next day

When you rented a movie, you watched it the same night as usually new releases had to be returned the same day. The urgency of watching a movie as quickly as possible is non existent these days but getting friends together because you got a copy of the latest new release made it feel like a big deal.

4.) The ability to tape movies from TV

What kid didn't know how to program his VCR by the time he was 8? You knew the difference between LP and SLP and pretty much knew how to edit the commercials out from the movie you were taping (PAUSE right before the break!)

Once you taped that flick, you'd watch it over and over again. These days, you watch a movie once and sometimes fail to appreciate it after multiple viewings. Sure the quality is shit, but the reason why we can quote every line from Indiana Jones or Ghostbusters is because we cherished these movies and watched it over and over again.

5.) Renting a Rated R movie was like robbing a bank

You just had to find that one video store clerk that didn't give a shit and it was money.

6.) You actually watched the classics

I highly doubt the Netflix generation is searching for classics on Netflix. But after perusing the video store for like an hour, you'd end up in the classics and try a flick. In a bullshit statistic I made up, 80% of kids today have never seen Citizen Kane.

7.) Employee recommendations were kinda cool

The Netflix Generation has user ratings and brief reviews. But seeing that shelf dedicated to employee recommendations was like crazy awesome. Sure, some employee picks were utter garbage but sometimes you'd rent a flick from say employee "Jeff" and he had the same taste as you did (remember that Seinfeld episode?). Suddenly, you had a go to guy for movies to rent. "Jeff" was like your movie renting mentor.

8.) The Dollar Bin

Remember that bin in the video store? Where shitty movies go to die? Sometimes, you'd find an awesome flick or a flick you've been looking for in that bin full of crappy movies. It was like finding treasure for 99 cents. Does this place exist today?

9.) The VCR to VCR recording method

Every kid became experts on the component cables (red/yellow and white) Quick quiz: Which wire was for audio? Pretty much how you copied your dad's porn. You became a secret agent when it came to this. Sneaky, techy and resourceful.

10.) The Sci Fi Movies were next to the Horror which was next to the Porn

If you went to any video store in the 80s and 90s, this was the set up. If you ended up through the Adults Only doors, seeing those oversized porn boxes was like heaven. That feeling is long gone. Why were the boxes so big anyway?

*****************************************************************************

Of course, the convenience of being able to stream flicks or have them delivered to your home is 100% more ideal. But it's become a little harder to discover new flicks online without endless browsing as opposed by just walking into a store. Maybe it's nostalgia or the fact I've experienced both generations but the 10 things listed above are subtle reminder of what we lost and what we gained.

It's important we remember that.

Thoughts?


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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Spring Break Massacre (Review)

Spring Break Massacre

Spring Break Massacre (2008)

Directed by Michael Hoffman

According to IMDB Trivia, Spring Break Massacre was filmed in only 6 days and with one camera.

Welcome to the world of low budget horror.

With the Hollywood reboot of Piranha 3D, not only has Hollywood tried to reboot grindhouse films, but they're even trying to bring back those 80s campy horror films. You know the ones...gratuitous nudity, ridiculous dialogue and tons of carnage and blood.

So it wasn't long that we'd see more 80s horror rebooted. With Spring Break Massacre, director Michael Hoffman reboots the slumber party/spring break genre , indie horror style. You have to give him credit, for a movie shot in 6 days, one camera, limited funds and a multi cast and crew, the movie came out looking pretty solid.

But it's still plagued by a hiccupy screenplay, flashbacks upon flashbacks and cameos that seem gratuitous as the nudity.

But aside from that, Spring Break Massacre loads up on everything you want from a movie that's called Spring Break Massacre. There's spring break, there is a massacre and their are tons of awesome top only nudity that puts a smile in every alpha male's face. Throw in some generic kills and you got a indie throwback that should make every horror fan sigh after paying $16 for some 3D flick.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A sleepover party during spring-break turns deadly for six beautiful sorority co-eds. Stanley Peterson, convicted serial killer, has escaped from maximum security prison. It's up to the college cuties to unravel the mystery of their assailant before the night is over.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

If your reading this review, all you wanna know is the following:
  • How much nudity is in the film?
  • Are there any good scenes of splatter and gore?
  • Does this movie have a crazy slasher or twist ending that makes you go WTF?
The quick answers are yes, yeah and yes on both. C'mon now don't stop reading just yet. Don't you want to know a little more?

First let me say the "spring break" in Spring Break Massacre is a little misleading. Sure it takes place during spring break but if you're thinking the beer and wet t-shirt contests from Piranha 3D, these aren't the boobies you're looking for. Instead we go from lakeside spring break montages in a small Illinois town to a horror slumber party genre flick in a few short scenes.

CAMEO-PALOOZA!

So when we're not hanging out with our oversexed, drugged up white coeds, we meet the local sheriff (Reggie Bannister from Phantasm) and his deputy Hendricks (Linnea Quigley). Part of every spring break/slumber party movie is to chill with the police and show how inept they are and we get that feeling from the cameos from our stars. My gripe here is we spend too much time with our local law enforcement. It's good to have the horror star power of the past, but short cameos work best.

I LOVE ME SOME BOOBIES

See? I knew you'd keep reading if I wrote that. Let's be real. Sometimes indie horror movies will not get the best looking actors and actresses. But Spring Break Massacre really felt like a real throwback. The guys look like jock-o-douchebags and the girls, wowsers. Holy fuckin hawtness. These girls were actually hot (aside from a pimple faced Asian and a chubby chubster). And they get totally nude (OK boobies nude but they are all real and spectacular)

You rarely see this in low low low budget horror (I'm thinking this isn't as low budget as I think it is). The standout is our lead Heather (Sarah Minnic) who is gives a Jaime Pressly like performance of hot blonde meets funny facial expressions. The other girls all follow your usual sorority stereotypes as we have: "the smoker", "the lesbian", "the hot brunette", "the other hot blonde" and "the virgin".

Before we can get to our kills, we get our campy camp humor. This is illustrated in a scene where the guys fantasize what the girls are doing at their girls only slumber party. These lead to dream sequences that were LOL. But we just don't get a few sporadic random boobage. Other scenes of aborted skinny dipping and a lesbian shower scene are added in. If there is one thing Spring Break Massacre did well, it was making sure gratuitous nudity was used gratuitously.

IS THAT A KNI-.....OWWWWWWWWWWWWW


So a lot of red herring killers are touted in front of us. Who is the mysterious killer? Is it the wrongly accused escaped convict? A "To Catch a Predator" creepy neighbor? Or is it one of our spring break bunch? Hoffman throws in many probables to get us confused. This is repeated as we see our creepy neighbor (Bob Farster) show up to scare the girls and act all perverty.

Most of what we see is after carnage kills. Bodies littering the house and a few quick cuts to death. It's not until the end does it go all splater-palooza. Some of the kills are basic, nothing I'm writing Fangoria about.

I REALLY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON

A few of the weirdness from Spring Break Massacre comes in the use of grainy black and white flashbacks that are intertwined in the film. As the twist is revealed and motive is explained we even get full flashbacks of scenes we've already seen!

The biggest problem is the bulk of the movie is told in a flashback. We see one of our characters in the aftermath of the massacre pretty much showing that she survives. I hated this. Why do this? It takes out the fun of "who will survive" aspect of a horror film. Saw did this and that's why I disliked the first flick.

When our killer is finally revealed it doesn't make sense. I can "get it" that it's not suppose to make sense because all those spring break/slumber party/sorority house/summer camp horror movie killers never made sense and always had odd motives for why they killed. We get a full explanation of why the slasher kills in SBM. I just didn't like it.

Spring Break Massacre is a throwback to the glory days of 80s camp horror. Most of us today don't appreciate this genre if we're not wearing funny glasses. But I appreciate this subgenre of horror and I know Michael Hoffman does to. In every scene, you know Hoffman is parodying the Roger Corman labeled spring break movies but also making one for today.

The formula for these movies is pretty simple. Tits, slaughtered teens, a crazy slasher and then more tits. Spring Break Massacre is exactly that, nothing more and nothing less. And at least it didn't cost me $16 fuckin dollars.

Gore-ipedia

Gunshot wounds
Knife trauma
Head bashing
After carnage bodies

Nude-ipedia


Lots and lots and lots.

WTF moment

The final line in the movie.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I appreciated this indie effort to reboot this genre. If you want to see what Michael Hoffman can do with actually funds, you can support him by "liking" the Facebook page. It seems they are about to get started on the reimagining/sequel to this film.

Kudos to Hoffman and his team. I'm looking forward to see what a bigger budget will bring.

Want to see what the fuss (and boobies) are all about?

Also check out the official site. Also you can buy the DVD at Amazon.com, Best Buy or Blockbuster. It's also on Netflix. Support indie horror dammit!

Rating:

Check out the trailer below!


Monday, July 21, 2008

Amatuer Porn Star Killer 2 (Review)

Amateur Porn Star Killer 2

Amateur Porn Star Killer 2 (2008)

Directed by Shane Ryan

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Oh sorry about that. I'm up now. So your here for a review of APSK2 right?

No problem.

Here's the really short review.

Talking. Killing. Porn. Killing. Porn. Killing.End.

Good enough? No? Arghhh. OK. Let's see what I remember from this flick before I dozed off.

Everybody has that friend that when you go over their house, they always turn on the video camera and videotape everything. That same friend also makes you watch old video footage of him/her with her friends doing something goofy on camera. Everybody has that friend. The amatuer video star. The person who loves seeing themselves on camera. He/she is in every shot, every interview and every embarassing moment.

If you watch APSK, that's Shane Ryan.

I never watched the 1st one, just watched the trailer and a clip on YouTube. But I got the entire gist of it. But I got curious. Could a POV serial killer flick with porn work on both levels???

Umm. Ehhhh. Sorry dude.

It doesn't.

Porn and Horror (though very similar) are like oil and water. They kinda don't mix. Yeah horror initiates it's world through sex and violence, but porn is raw. And I really can't say this works.

The pseudo snuff movie genre seems to be making a come back. With the release of the Poughkeepsie Tapes, somehow we've got a new genre of POV killer movies clammoring to be seen in the world of the over drenched world of torture porn.

But thats it. If your playing in the world of torture porn (which is what APSK2 tries to do) and you add real porn, somehow it loses the point.

If you read all that, the plot revolves around a pseudo doc about Brandon who has murdered over 22 girls. Between the main storyline which he stalks a victim played by Kai Lanette (who cowrote the movie), we see various old video footage flashbacks of Brandon and his murders of various girls (being identified as "Victim #3" and such)

The dialogue is cluttered, improvised and reality tv show-ish. The slow tension burns into obliviousness. And the climax (pun intended because I'm fuckin bored of writing this review) was just boring. Real porn movie endings are better.

I quote a line from Scream to end this rather jaded review.

Sidney: "You sick fucks, you've seen one too many movies!"

Billy: "Now Sid, don't you blame the movies, movies don't create psychos, movies make psychos more creative!"

Shane Ryan wanted to be a porn star and instead made a torture porn flick with real porn.

Kudos to him for being creative.

Rating:

The Trailer:



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Sunday, May 11, 2008

The Shepherd: Border Patrol (Review)

The Sherpherd: Border Patrol

The Sherpherd: Border Patrol (2008)

Directed by Isaac Florentine

Let's call these straight to DVD Van Damme flicks the end of the end.

Sigh.

Van Damme has stated he wants to make "character action". These character action STV movies started with Replicant and have continued endlessly. Post theatre Van Damme has had a few decent flicks. Replicant was actually ok. Umm. I think that was it.

Suffice it to say we really don't need to go on an in depth review of this. So I'll try to summarize in a few sentences or less.

So on to the nitty gritty cliffnotes version.

What's the plot?

Van Damme plays Jack who after his daughter ODs (yes I just told you a major spoiler) joins the border patrol and vows vengeance after the American Special Forces who are in cahoots with the Mexican cartels along the US/Mexican border.

Are the evildoers evil?

Not really.

Is the Border Patrol really inept?

Yes. And very corrupt.

Is there a lot of action?

Some gun fights ensue and Van Damme gets some good shots in.

Is there a WTF moment?

Totally. A bus armed to the teeth carrying drugs, nuns, priests and the turncoat American army baddies crosses the border with JCVD and his black sidekick in tow. Shootout ensues. Very surreal.

Is there a classic Van Damme moment?

Pretty much it's the jailhouse fight scene.
Van Damme stunt double (sigh) does some awesome martial arts against a rogue inmate. It's the best scene in the film. So why don't you watch it below.





Is there a guy who outshines JCVD?

Yes. Scott Adkins fight scene with JCVD at the end reminds us what JCVD use to be.





Is it true the comic relief comes in the form of a bunny?

Yes.

Is there gratuitous nudity?

Yes. We see Mexican boobies.

Should I watch this film in its entirety?

No. It will make your eyes bleed.

Can I get the gist of it by watching clips of it on YouTube?

Frak yeah!

Is JCVD's career over?

Unfortunately yes. Unless of course J.C.V.D. becomes a hit.


Rating:

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