Gone girl

I have disappeared again. I have no explanation. I don't mean I wouldn't share here, I mean I have no idea what happened. I have an unfinished draft on my dash called "April WIPocalypse in May", so I was already behind on blogging. I have so much to say, even more to share. And yet, I don't seem to be able to do so, and I've yet to discover the reason.

I have changed so much. I've lost my way and to my surprise, I have found courage and comfort in it. I turned 40. I no longer know who I am, what I want and which way to go. And like Alice in Wonderland, I found freedom in not knowing where I am. Whichever way I choose to go, I can't get lost. You're only lost if you want to be some place you're not and you want to get there. I don't know where I want to be. I know what I want to be. And because I'm not going anywhere, I can actually sit down, take some time and not feel under pressure. It's liberating. It's not easy. It's not comfortable. But it feels right.

I tried myself at several temp jobs. I was terrified to show up on my first days, not knowing what to do, how to do it, who my co-workers and bosses will be. I prevailed. I realized I cannot conquer fear, but I don't have to be paralysed by it. I made new friends. I picked up new skills. I had fun, and conflict, and injury, and adventures. I learned to laugh with a roaring sound and the tears of laughter run down my face, not giving a damn if anyone thinks I'm too loud. I practised saying goodbye and moving on.

I delved deeper into myself. I found a personality type I identify as. I always thought of myself as a feminist and recently I educated myself about what that means and how I can become better at it. I started facing my demons, one by one. I'm building my merits and flaws into a construct I can live in and feel at home. I stopped going to the gym, even though my body pleads for exercise every day. But now I have some soul searching to do and I cannot do both. I will hit the stationary bike again as soon as I cleaned up the mess inside me.

I recognised I need to be more assertive. I have to learn to say a number of things. First and foremost, "no". Second, "I don't care". I have felt like "I don't care" for ages, but never said it for fear of hurting others' feelings. I spent 40 years putting the feelings of others first, even if they were strangers. Their feelings were more important than my feelings, my thoughts, my needs, my rights... more important than me. No more. I made resolutions to do this before, and hated myself when I failed. No promises this time, just the effort. I will try and keep trying.

I found comfort in crafting. I unabashedly spend whatever time I can spare on planning, making, modifying my projects. No more to do lists. No more deadlines. No more pressure. I'm enjoying every second. My main goal is to learn and become even better at needlework.

I wonder if I can return to blogging. I can feel I need to have my voice heard. I will try to post something every day for November. Again, no resolutions, no deadlines, no rules. Just a promise to try and see how it works. I don't want this blog to be about cross stitching only. I want to speak my mind on whatever comes to it. Even controversial stuff. If you don't like it, feel free to unfollow my blog. The net is vast and infinite. Find someone else, someone you can agree with. If you want to pick a fight, you are not welcome here. I don't need your click. I don't need your advice. I don't need your criticism. I need support. It might not be fair, nor balanced. I don't care. It's my blog, my rules.

Here it goes.

Giveaway alert!

Nancy hosts a giveaway on her fantastic blog at Victorian Motto Sampler Shoppe, sign up fast!

Shelley is giving away a bunch of Brittercup Designs charts on the blog about her Artsy Fartsy Life, hurry up if you wanna win them!

Back to blog

I am behind with my blogging. Not because I had nothing to write about, quite the opposite. February was such a fun and action packed month that I decided to tell you about it in hindsight. Until I gather my thoughts (and photos) why don't you check out my new blog Twinflowers In Bloom. It is about following how my best friend and I are making, and hopefully, selling some lovely hand sewn bags and accessories. If you sign up, you may take part in our giveaway! Coma and take part in the creative process by voting on out next project!

February WIPocalypse report

First of all I would like to say that I have never stitched so much in my life as in these past weeks. Ever since I signed up for the WIPocalypse and Crazy January Challenge, I have really been stitching like there is no tomorrow!

Just noticed

I have exactly 100 followers! Let's party! :)

Farewell to 2011, welcome 2012

2011 didn't start out like it was gonna be a good year. I was lonely and very depressed. With the help of my friends though, I gradually managed to get my act together. Not just those friends I see in person, but my online stitching buddies who always have a minute or two to send me a few words of encouragement when I need it the most. I am extremely thankful for your support.
In 2011 I have changed some of the minor things that effected my mood and helped me a great deal. For example, I have successfully got rid of my Facebook gaming addiction, which gave me a lot of time I could spend on more useful things. For example, after several years, I have managed to look after my mini garden of potted plants properly. It was a great experience and I have every intention to do it again this year.
I dusted off my UFOs and had several finishes, big and small. Usually I don't like finishing, but this year I needed to close things down and the stitching finishes have, in some way, trained me to deal with the feeling of closure.
The biggest change, of course, is baby coming home. She was four years old when my delicate health and failing marriage made me unable to give her the attention and care she needed, so step by step, I let her move in with my parents. They did a terrific job looking after her, but she is my child, so I wanted her back. We had our arguments about what's best for her, but I am her mom, and I wasn't gonna spend another year without my baby. She is the light of my life, the sun around which all my thoughts orbit, and I only feel alive when we are together. This summer she moved back to Budapest, and since then all of my days are blessed. I cannot find words to describe how thankful and humbled I am to experience motherhood again. I almost forgot how amazing it is to raise a child. How wonderful it feels to look at her, listen to her, figure out how her innocent eyes view the world, go through the adventures of growing up. This is her adventure, she is the hero and I am always at her side as her faithful companion. Never again shall I let her out of my sight for so long. Unless she wants me to.
My baby is a big girl now, enjoying school days, using pointy scissors, washing the dishes, reading books on her own. Naturally, with the fun we have and the chores to be done, I don't have much time for my hobbies now, but I still think it's just a phase, and as she grows and becomes more mature and independent, I will be able to do more. For now, I am satisfied with what I have. And that really is more than what I could have asked for a year ago.

A different view

I'm wondering if I should change the link in my signature line to http://jadestitch.blogspot.com/view/sidebar because I love the new view feature of Blogger and I am not sure if users are generally aware of it. I love it though. I love switching back and forth between views depending on what I am looking for.
The sidebar view is good for some general browsing. It also improves speed, as it shows one post at a time and the sidebar gadgets of the traditional look that take a lot of time to load are hidden.
The flipcard view is best for image heavy bloggers. It can also be reorganized by date, label or author, thus giving an easier overview if you are looking for something specific.
The mosaic view is exactly what it's called, just a fun way of looking at a blog.
The snapshot view grabs all the pictures from the entires.
The timeline view is of course a chronological presentation of one's blog. It's fun to look at a blog like mine this way, because my blogging is so periodical; I write an entry or two a week, then I sign up for NaBloPoMo and post like I'm paid for it, and then I'm absent for a month to recover. :D
So, did you play around with the various views? Did you like it? Which one is your favourite? Make sure you share!

Looking for readers

In case you didn't notice the new tab on this blog, I'm hereby announcing that I started a new blog, called Diaries of a Werewolf. I decided to keep a journal of a newly generated World of Warcraft character. I'm trying to write as she would see things and not from a gamer's point of view. You know, I started playing traditional role-playing games about 15 years ago, and sometimes when I play WoW, I try to get back to those rpg roots. For me it's fun and games and pwning, but for the characters that "live" in that world every day is terrible, they live in wartime, fight horrible monsters every day, kill and get killed every day, and somehow it doesn't come across the computer screen, how weird is that?

By the way, I had to make a sad decision. A few days ago I cancelled my WoW subscription. I know it is only $15 a month, but right now I cannot afford to spend even that much. I have about 20 days on my account and then I am unplugged for a while. I will try to gather enough material for my new blog till then. Please pay a visit and tell me what you think! I've been trying to make it enjoyable for those that are not familiar with the game at all and I am aching to find out how I'm doing.

February NaBloPoMo

I have signed up once again because I need motivation to achieve anything. I set the goal of 28 posts in February, but I will not whine if I can't make it, that much is sure. Usually it's starting to type that's problematic. I have so much to say about, umm, practically anything, I just tend to not bother because a, I can hardly imagine anyone giving a damn about my opinion, and b, I have been alone for such a long time that I am used to not having anyone to talk to.
Back to topic, the theme for February is character, I can think of blogging about that in several ways, the most obvious being my WoW characters and their adventures. Of course, SaS is an will remain a stitching/parenting/depressing themed blog :) but it will be fun to experiment with various tones and personas.

What have I done?

Seriously. Is my Xmas SAL project cursed? I lost my floss! What is going on here? I know I had at least one more skein, but I cannot find it anywhere. It was right here, on my table, between the keyboard and the screen for ages. Along with dozens of other things, that, unlike my floss, are still here, gathering dust. All right, so I am not the tidiest housewife, correction, housesinglemom, in the world. In fact, I am sure I am somewhere at the bottom of the tidy list. But I always take care of my stash! There is at least one, possibly one and a half skeins of Raspberry Parfait floss located in my flat some place, I just don't know the exact spot. I spent the day looking for it. I found copious amounts of stuff I didn't remember I had, but the floss remains missing. I am fuming. In my day-long monologue I have used every curse word known to mankind and went on to invent a few new ones. Still the floss is missing. I swear, there must be an evil little goblin sneaking in every once in a while and relocate my stuff as a prank.

A simple woman's daybook for today

Simple I ain't... but here goes for the sake of  fun:

or today....november 10

outside my window... is my sister's yard bathing in sunshine
i am thinking... NaBloPoMo may be a bigger bite than I can chew
i am thankful for... my baby
i am wearing... pink turtleneck with jeans and funky boots
i am remembering... all the things that need to be done as soon as I get home
i am listening to... Little Less Conversation by Elvis (telly music channel)
i am going... to take a long walk while the weather is still fine
i am currently reading... Feet of Clay by Terry Pratchett
i am hoping... to find a job real soon
i am looking forward to... nothing, actually. There is nothing in my life I'm looking forward to.
one of my favorite things... tulips
a photo to share... my baby, who else... this is so her!

Guest blogging

No, I am not writing for anyone else, nor have I invited anyone else to share thoughts here. The guest part is about my location. I am spending some time at my parents' again and to keep up with the daily blogging, I have to come over to my sister's place and use their computer.
I didn't talk a lot about my sister and this seems the perfect opportunity to catch up on her. Some of you long time readers may remember how sad I was when she fell for a guy that lived in New Zealand. Of course I was happy for  her but I  feared that she and her son may move to the other end of the globe. It has happened the other way around. Stephen, her crush, had the opportunity to come visit us. He was sent on a business trip to another East European country, and made a little modification to his route to finally see the woman he had been chatting online with for  months. The rest, as they say, is history. He never left. :) They got married a few months later. That was over three years ago and they are still as happy as newlyweds. I guess what they say about Hungarian women is true: there is no getting over us!
Back to blogging, unfortunately with a strange computer I have no image galleries or the software to download images. So you will get only text for a few days. I will make it up for you when I get home. Promise!

And yet another project

I admit it, I started stitching on a new project last week. I couldn't help it. I had this beautiful chart by Ink Circles for quite some time. I had the fabric and the floss neatly put aside for so long. I just couldn't resist it any longer!
Unfortunately, I don't have my camera with me, so you will have to make do with the pictures I took on my cell phone. However, before I attach those pictures, I wanna thank Pat once more for giving me this beautiful chart. She was blogging about her progress on this project and made me fell in love with it. So when I commented on her fabulous stitching, she decided to simply give me the chart when she was finished! You don't see generosity like that every day... well, unless you are lucky enough to be a stitching blogger with many similar friends you don't . You ladies (and the occasional gentlemen) know that I'm right. Follow enough blogs and you get news of a new giveaway every day. For example, here is Kathy's blog, Shawkl. She is hosting a 7-day long giveaway to celebrate a loved one's birthday. Come and join!
And now, the pictures of Cirque des Cercles:

This one should be turned 90 degrees counter-clockwise...

This is what it looks like right now.

NaBloPoMo

I just found out about this thing called National Blog Posting Month, which is a bit of a shame as it is the 2nd of November, so I am already one whole day late to join. I always wanted to try daily blogging, I remember last year's Blogtoberfest, I wanted to do it this year, but somehow missed the beginning of October. I sometimes do that. I let go of the perception of time and it takes advantage of it and just whizzes by. But I will grab it today and try to blog at you every day this month. Stay tuned for my second post that I wanted to post yesterday. :)
Also, here are some lovely images after the jump just so you have something truly lovely to look at.

Gif me something to laugh about

A friend sent me a link to a collection of funny gifs (little animated image files) and I decided to share my favourites with you. I don't know about you, but I can always use a big laugh and nowadays I need it more than ever.
I inserted a jump to this post because I don't wanna overload people's computers and such an animated image heavy post may be too much for those that don't have broadband.

First, the amazing ex-parrot:

see more Gifs

Back in the habit

Again, I had a period in my life where I wasn't blogging, partly because I didn't have the energy to come up with a coherent English sentence, partly because my depression made me think no one is interested in what I have to say anyway, and partly because I spent so much time with my girl I wasn't near the computer. Also, the Chinese spammers are still attacking my blog with full force every day, and they get increasingly annoying. But I didn't give up stitching and I kept reading all your wonderful blogs and e-mails, and they helped me a great deal.
Another thing I had to deal with was something I have never experienced in my 36-year-long existence. Weight gain. I was always a skinny one, whether I liked or not. Usually I didn't, because while it may be fashionable and undoubtedly a must for Hollywood dames and models, for a mere mortal like myself it makes shopping for clothes a pain in my tiny @**. But in the past 10 months I suddenly put on about 25 pounds that I didn't need. And I don't even eat that much. See that bulging belly on the picture above? That has never happened to me before. Not since I gave birth. Not to mention that I prefer wearing tight fitting clothes, so over half of my wardrobe was utterly useless.

See me in these jeans? That photo was taken last November. Coincidentally, that is the same time I was able to wear it. Not that I couldn't button it up any longer, I couldn't even pull it halfway across my thighs. I couldn't believe my eyes! For years I've been whining about not being able to gain weight, and now that I did, I don't like it. They don't say "be careful for what you wish for" for no reason! LOL
By the way, it isn't the weight that bothers me, it's that it's out of proportion and bulging. I tried to convert some of it to muscles, but the local gym was full of tattooed, bald musclemen, and while I had absolutely no problems with them, it made me feel rather weird and lonely, being the only female and the only one not drinking those suspicious substances that are supposed to make you look buff.
Anyway, I do my little workout when I muster the energy (=rarely) and I will join another gym as soon as I can afford it, but I am still unemployed. I'd be completely broke if I didn't win a small amount of cash in a dial-in TV quiz show! That money was a lifesaver.

I am completely useless in the kitchen, so I didn't delude myself thinking I can make healthy food, so I signed up for daily food supplies at a company that delivers diet food. I must say, I didn't regret it, because it is cheaper than my feeble attempts at creating something edible, is tasty, healthy and it works! I really did drop some weight! I don't know how much, because I sacked my scales right after it gave me the 25 pound bad news, but my favourite pair of jeans come up on my thighs like they should, although they are still not comfortable, and my inner thighs brush each other when I walk, which is also a new sensation, but I am getting there, ladies!
And now I will close this post before it gets too long, and start a new one!

Blogging to calm my nerves

Mom and I are on the phone every hour. All the rivers in Hungary are flooding, crashing through dams, destroying homes all over the country. All these weeks of raining have washed so much soil away, many homes are in danger, even the walls of Budapest castle may fall down in several places because of it.
My parents and sister live near the Danube and the situation there is very serious. Mom keeps asking me if there are any updates on the web, I keep asking her if they are safe. I'm worried sick for them. I couldn't even sleep so I fixed the printer at night. Now I can scan too. Here is the lost and found Lanarte mini and my progress on Feasting Frenzy. Soon it will not fit in the scanner. I feel helpless, all I can do is rearrange my stash to keep myself from biting my nails.

I'm planning to start working on Cirque des Circles by Ink Circles sometime soon. I already have the floss and fabric. For me it was difficult to pick the colours because there are so many lovely threads! But I made up my mind.
The chart I got from Pat in New Mexico as a surprise gift! I simply left a few kind words on her blog when she finished this project and she decided to just sent the chart to me! To honour her generosity I decided to do the same when I am done. But that won't be tomorrow, lol!
By the way, if you wanna see more lovely Ink Circles designs in the making, you can always click on this blog where stitchers share their progress pictures.

Alice

I mentioned fairy tales in my post yesterday. I love them. I love them all. I have some favourites, but I love fantasy stories in general, and tales are just fantasy for kids. One of my favourite authors is Lewis Carroll, I truly admire his imagination and literary skills. Did you know I used to know the Jabberwockey poem by heart when I was little? I learned it in Hungarian because I didn't speak English yet. I can still recite the first two verses!

I am also a big fan of Tim Burton. I always loved this unique style and vision. So you can imagine how excited I was to hear of his interpretation of Alice in Wonderland. I counted the days until the premiere and it is the only movie to date that I have watched in 3D.
No wonder the story and the visuals have inspired Susan in Maryland to create a truly fantastic piece of fabric art to honour the complexity, creativity and depth of the story. I have been following her progress for quite some time, and meant to blog about it, as she is truly gifted and creates magic with her needle. Please follow this link to see how this amazing masterpiece was born! I wish I could do something like that!

Also, following the link here you can find some truly breathtaking photos by my favourite photographer, Annie Leibovitz. She sent her Alice through a wild ride in the crazy world of fashion and the result is funny, breathtaking and inspiring at the same time. As it should be.

Beauties of many kinds

First of all, thanks for all the nice words, whether in group/private mail or a blog comment. A fellow crafts blogger pointed me to the Blogging Without Obligation "movement" and you can find the logo on the right. The click will take you to the original post where it all started.

I also have Deepest Love back at home. Isn't she lovely in that beautiful frame? Fits her perfectly. It was by far the most expensive framing job, but it's for my mom's birthday, so what the heck.

I found some long forgotten WIPs as well. This one is called something like Butterfly on Bramble and it's a DMC kit. I started about two years ago, put ten stitches in it and put it aside. I found it last week and decided to make it my next project. Nice progress in two days, right?

I have finished a mini Lanarte kit that I just cannot find right now. Who knew that things can get lost for good in a 25 m2 apartment? It had a blue china teapot and a bunch of flowers on it. I think it is no longer on sale. I finished a pink teacup too, it was a magazine freebie, but it is also lost in the mess vortex. One day it will pop up on the middle of my dinner table when I least expect it, I just know it.

One finish I can show you is also a Lanarte kit I stitched almost a year ago. Only the backstitch was missing. At the time I got fed up with all the subtle, pale colours, but stumbling upon it last week, I decided to finish that project too. Here it is.

I started filling the gaps on my Dimensions tiger too, plus made some progress on Lady of the Thread as well. Not sure if I shared these progress photos before, but hey, I'm in a good mood and wanna show off my craft! So here they are:

 As far as non-stitching beauties are concerned: well, it's spring and the garden is finally in bloom! The tulip bulbs I purchased last year were the best buy ever! Look at these amazing colours! A dozen tulips to my daughter's delight. The loveliest flowers I have seen in a while. My girl is spending most of her time outside. Is she a diva in those sunglasses or what?

Blog changes

First of all, as you can all see, my blog has a pretty new dress! You can get a new look too with the Blogger Template Designer, and the good news is, we no longer have to worry about losing info in the sidebars or having to re-write those huge "blogs I read" lists like earlier. Having to save and/or re-enter all those things was one of the things that kept me from changing templates.

The other thing that has changed is, unfortunately, the rules of commenting on my blog. Sorry about the inconvenience, but in the past months Stitch and Serve :) has become the target of Asian spambots that seem to have no problem with word verification. So now the comments will have to be moderated, at least for a few months. If the spammers leave me alone, I will go back to the old way.

No stitching pictures to share this time. I haven't got much done. Not even my monthly freebies. I have frogged more on those little rascals than I have the entire 2009. I got very frustrated with them. Then I suddenly realized that I am miscounting only when a certain person comes to visit. That is how I found out that my ex is a frog. Whenever he comes over to see his daughter, my needle goes out of control and I mess up my stitching. Unfortunately, being an ex, he cannot expect being kissed in this house, so all I can do is not stitch when he's around. But I will not leave you without a picture, so here is my funny baby: