Oh Hi!

 Oh hallelujah! I figured it out! Great googley moogley. I decided to post again but couldn't figure out how to get here. It's been a while. 

I had something to add. The thought occurred to me this morning. It took a while to get here. Something about signing in with various accounts. I have more than one. The browser I usually use knows me as one thing, this blog knows me as another thing. It's complicated. But I'm here! 

I wanted to say something about the Ever Given stuck in the Suez Canal. What a mess. We're all learning more about international shipping these days. I'm fascinated. 

OK, I want to talk about my weight. It's significant, and I mean that in many ways. I'm over 300 pounds now. Also, since we last "spoke", I have developed Type 2 Diabetes. No surprise, really. It was virtually inevitable, the way I eat. I have an A1C check next week and yeah, I'm trepidatious. (I'm getting a report saying that's not a word. I will ignore it.)

I'm embarrassed to be this heavy. Uncomfortable, too, obviously. It's hard to maneuver a ship this big (see what I did there?). But I also like to eat, especially sweet things. Compulsively, if I understand the meaning of compulsive. I'm willing to (I say to myself) reduce the amount of food I eat, in moderation. That's the thing. I want to be "moderate" about NOT reducing my intake. But I can cut back, I think. 

I just had a V-8.

Update featuring "bad" children

I wish the kids were mature enough to be civil responsible citizens, but alas, emotionally disturbed 16 year olds act like ill-behaved adolescents. Both are on probation. Sproing is currently in violation of his probation, but Diva is about a month away from being off probation. She's done a bit better recently. However, just this Tuesday the two of them got into a fight here at home. They traded punches and threw things (including furniture) at each other. It was a loud mess. Property was damaged. But through it all I remained calm. It's gotten to the point that whatever they do, there's not much I can do to make a difference. Through the fight I calmly told them to go to their rooms and calm down. They totally ignored me, as usual. I'm just trying to survive until they grow up and move out. It makes me feel like a bad parent, but I don't let it tear me apart like it used to. When I was earning my recent psychology degree I remember in either Adolescent Development or Adolescent Psychopathology class I read that "bad" children lead to "bad" parenting. OK, it wasn't that simple. Difficult children make it much harder to do the "good parenting" things. I find that to be a very true truth. 

Superman is out of the country on business this week. He'll be home Saturday evening. It's been a long week. He's in Belgium, where those Belgians make some of the best chocolate on the planet. As usual when he goes to Belgium, I don't allow him back in the country unless he brings me chocolate offerings. After the week I've had, I need it! 

"Need" might be overstating things. I'm an over-eater. Some people drink too much alcohol, and "need" booze to help them through difficult times. In like manner, I "need" chocolate. I had a lovely bowl of chocolate ice cream this afternoon. In related news, I've gained about 20 lbs. since the start of summer. I'd lost about 60 lbs. but am up 20 now. I need to get a grip on this shit. There are more effective ways to deal with stress. But dammit, I'm too stressed (or maybe too depressed) (or both) to invest the energy into eating right and exercising as I should. That's bullshit, you realize. I am responsible for my own actions (or inaction, in this case). It is all my fault and it's my responsibility to get my shit together and do the right thing. But damn. A bowl of ice cream is easier. Also, the depression thing causes me to not care about myself enough to do the right thing. But then I feel fat and stupid and want to lose weight. It's an evil cycle. 

Just this week I was able to talk to another mother with a difficult child. Her kid is only 7 years old, poor thing, and has serious mental/emotional problems. There is nothing I can do to provide practical assistance, but I can listen and sympathize. It's amazing how much help that can be. I understand her feeling of helplessness. She's just beginning to get a clue that she is a parent of a special needs child. It's extremely difficult to accept that designation. It's one thing if your child is born with an obvious birth defect. This kid looks perfectly normal. But when the behavior is socially unacceptable, the parent looks like a fool. It really isn't the parent's fault, per se, it's that the kid is abnormal. That's not what Joe Schmo on the street sees, though. My point here is that I feel useful when I'm able to talk to the mom, or more importantly listen to the mom, and assure her that I know what it's like, have similar experiences. 

And I heard from one of my former professors asking for the same help. She knows a woman with a difficult child and asked if I would talk to the mom, maybe help her connect to local resources to help the child. So now I'm waiting on an email from this mom. I do know a few resources that can maybe help the kid, but I suspect just connecting with someone else who understands will be as much help as anything else. 

I haven't had any social connections recently. I'm not doing anything these days, and I feel useless. Well, I am doing stuff, but it involves taking my children to appointments and such. Oh, I failed to mention that Sproing has been suspended from school all this week. The fool (he's really very intelligent, but painfully unwise) got himself six days of out-of-school suspension. So this whole week while Superman has been out of the country I've had to deal with Sproing all day, every day. And his attitude stinks. He's a pain in the ass, except when he wants something from me and then is very charming. He has charm out the wazoo. 

Speaking of chocolate, I read yesterday that the price of chocolate will probably go up soon. The African countries with Ebola problems supply much of the U.S. chocolate. Ebola is the real tragedy. Chocolate is a meaningful and unfortunate side effect. Chocolate impacts my life more directly than Ebola. For that I am thankful. 

Baseball is in the post-season playoffs now. I like baseball, and have been watching the playoffs when I can. The Kansas City Royals won the American League championship, and currently San Francisco and St. Louis are battling for the National League championship. The score in game 5 is tied at 3 in the 9th inning. Sproing has been in here arguing with me for the past two hours, criticizing me for not paying attention to him. And he's arguing about stupid stuff. So I told him to go away until the game is over. I hope he won't want to argue with me anymore when the game is over. I don't like to argue. The boy does. A lot. I'm emotionally exhausted.  

The college adventure begins: First Impressions

• Course text books are expensive. And heavy!
  
• Next week is my 47th birthday. 47 year old ladies are much older than most college freshmen.
• There are a lot of college freshmen in these classes.
• I'm really out of shape. Even though the parking lot isn't very far from the classroom building I still need to go slow, and am a bit short of breath when I get there.
• It feels great to be back in the classroom again! I love school.
• It does not, however, feel so great to try to squeeze my ample circumference into those one-piece torture devices known as desks. 
• There appear to be a lot of female psychology majors. 
• I'm glad I am not trolling for boyfriend or husband material at this college.
• This school has a large education department, and a lot of women go into the field of education. There are a lot of girls here. 
• Young adults can be very irritating, especially when they congregate.
• The internet has brought a lot of changes to the college experience.
• This school's web feature for students and teachers is probably very helpful for instruction and communication between students and professors. Its operation , however, is not intuitively obvious to me.
• Even my name seems old. It is an old name (Doris), but in a class with Revis, Jalessa, Akea, Prestasia, Rashunda, and a slew of Brittanys it just seems really old. 
• I am not physically strong enough to attend college. That won't stop me, but it's going to be tough.

Four of my classes met today, the other two meet tomorrow. My major is psychology with an emphasis on counseling. I am seeking a second degree, my first is a BA in sociology which I earned in 1986. A lot has changed in 22 years. Most of my general education credits have transferred, but I need to take this basic English class which Lander calls Writing and Inquiry II, writing for the disciplines. I may have discussed this previously. Anyway, this English 102 course is a prerequisite for almost every other course in the whole university. The only thing I'm able to take now is lower level beginning classes. This is where all these freshmen show up. 

I have two classes that are at the 200 level. One met today, the other meets tomorrow. There are fewer freshmen in those classes. The Developmental Psychology class I had today was good. It's going to be meaty. I have a lot to remember.

Overall I had a good day. I'm excited about being in school again. It has been a very busy day and I went to bed later than I should have last night. I'm very tired. 

Goodnight

More randomosity, as my brain seems incapable of focusing on any one task for a significant amount of time

• I am disillusioned with my old brand of dish washing liquid, so I got a couple of different brands. The first bottle advertises a light citrus scent. To me it smells like fresh fish guts. Fresh fish guts smell better than old fish guts, nevertheless it isn't an odor I want to endure as I wash my dishes. The second bottle says something about "free and clear." I promise you it wasn't free, but it is clear. I haven't used it yet, as I want to finish the first bottle before opening the second. I'll let you know my impressions of that one when I get to it. 
• I registered for classes at Lander yesterday. I will post a separate entry detailing that excitement.
• The kitten acts much like a kitten. She is very playful when she isn't sleeping. It has been a very long time since I had a kitten (or since a kitten owned me). I'm more of a dog person. I didn't remember how much like puppies these cats are in their desire to chew stuff. Stuff like my fingers, for instance. And my toes. While I'm trying to sleep. I was sitting peacefully at my computer on Sunday with my ear-bud headphones on, listening to pretty music while trying to ignore the annoying screech from my children. Scher was on my lap underneath the desk. All of a sudden my music went from stereo to mono, then to barely an echo. The little sneak chewed into my headphone wire severing the connections. It wasn't a little cheap $5 set, either. Perhaps that's what I need to get, though, until her need to chew abates. 
• Our weather has been decidedly spring-like. We're getting a lot of rain, and temperatures this week are in the mid to upper 60s F (18-20 C). My Bradford Pear tree is once more threatening to bloom. We had some freezing temps last week for a couple of nights, but nothing extremely cold. The buds are still small and tight enough that I think they survived last week. But the forecast this week is for this warmer wet weather, our lowest low for the foreseeable future being 30F (-1). It will be interesting to see what the pear tree does. 
• 'Tis time to take down our Christmas decorations. Since we didn't put up the not-a-tree until Christmas Eve, I am not finished enjoying it. I don't really want to take it down yet. But it is time. 
• I went to bed at 6:00 last night. It started as a post coital nap, but extended until 4:30 this morning. I felt great when I woke up! I got up, took Scher with me into the kitchen. (She was being very playful and bite-ish, and I wanted to let Superman sleep. She didn't.) I used the 5 over-ripe bananas we had on the table to make two small loaves of banana bread. Twitch, the silly boy, doesn't like pecans. I made one loaf without pecans and used the full recipe allotment of pecans in the second loaf. That's some good banana bread!! I sliced the fresh hot banana nut loaf, buttered a couple of pieces, and took those and a pot of fresh coffee to Superman who was still in bed. By this time it was 6:45, way past time for him to be awake. He makes breakfast and coffee for me almost every day, and it was fun to return the favor.
• Scher had a wonderful time in the kitchen this morning. I had to shoo her off the table a couple of times, but there is so much junk on the floor she was plenty entertained down there. She found a small paper sack. OMG cute!! She kept running from one side of the kitchen near the refrigerator all the way across the room and into the utility room at the other end. She was pouncing at everything from paper towels that had been dropped and not picked up, to the bags of garbage waiting by the back door, to my feet. Totally adorable.
• I walked and stood a lot yesterday morning. It took all morning to get all the loose ends tied up so I could register for classes. I had to go from the psychology department to the registrar's office, to admissions, to financial aid, to the English department, back to psychology, back to admissions, back to the registrar. It's a small school, and all these offices are in the same building. I made use of the elevator. Nevertheless that's a lot more activity than I am used to. (Sedentary describes my normal activity level) All I carried was my purse and a clipboard. Plus the extra weight I'm wearing, which is considerable. I am 100-150 lbs heavier than I want to/should be. The sedentary lifestyle isn't helping. Yesterday afternoon and this morning I notice that my hips and pelvic area are sore. Most of my weight is around the abdomen (the most dangerous for heart attack risk, they tell me). My pelvic girdle holds a lot of weight, and that's where it hurts today. I hope I can build up strength and stamina, and perhaps lose some weight before I injure myself walking around campus carrying heavy books. Oy. 
• Light and Superman have pretty much finished preparing the other bedroom for her occupancy. It needs a bit of touch up painting in a couple of places where she did a sloppy masking job. I can do that pretty easily. I need to move all of her stuff and my sewing stuff out of her former bedroom that Sproing is now sleeping in. That, and taking down the Christmas decorations are my tasks for today. Right now I'm sitting here playing on my blog instead of moving things around. Hmmm. Time to get off my ample ass and get to work! 
• Happy Tuesday everyone!

Learning about blogs

I figured out how to put a picture in the sidebar. This is a picture S took of me over the weekend. He got a new digital camera and has had lots of fun playing with it. He wanted to take pictures of me, and I let him. He is very artistic, makes a nice composition with a photograph. But the pictures he took of me make me look fat. The fact that I am very overweight contributes greatly to the effect. But I like my hair, and I had him take a picture of only that part. If his heart had been in it he'd have taken more hair pics and made it even more artistic, but I think he wanted the whole essence of me, not just small snippets. So this is the only hair shot I got.
S loves me, the whole me. He likes me more than I like myself. That is why he likes the pictures that show face, shoulders, all the chins, blubbery bust, etc. Those photos don't fit the image I hold of myself. When I think about my appearance I see myself at least 100 lbs lighter than what the mirror shows. It is amazing how the human brain works. I can stand at the bathroom sink and brush my hair, take my meds, brush my teeth, wash my hands, and never really see myself in the large mirror that covers the wall above the sink. She's all there, I just don't see her. Because I don't want to see her.