Thoughts, reflections, rants, etc.

• Do you often have flashes of insight or grand ideas while bathing? My shower is like a tile covered think tank. 
• To those of you who do not live alone: is refilling the ice cube trays an issue in your home? Perhaps many of you have automatic ice makers, rendering this a moot issue. That is not the case in my home. It often seems that I am the only person in the whole damn household who ever refills the ice trays. If anyone else does, it is because I'm standing over him (it's almost always the males) giving him the "evil eye" until the tray is returned, full of water, to the freezer. Yes, it's a minor annoyance, but an annoyance nevertheless.
• I've pretty much decided not to take a road trip in May. It's getting too warm, my wanderlust is lackluster, and I just don't feel like going anywhere. Then there's the issue of this Swine Flu thing. The closer I stay to home (i.e. don't go out the door) the safer I figure I'll be from this influenza outbreak.
• I don't really want to leave the house at all. I need to pick up some hair care products for the lovely little Diva, but damn, I don't wanna go out. I must get the older boy from school today, and I don't want to do that either. I just do not want to leave the house. It's not that I'm nervous or frightened or anything (though that has been an issue in the past) I just don't want to go out. 
• I also don't want anyone to come home. The kidlets are away at school from approximately 7:30 every morning until nearly 3:00 in the afternoon. I dread the arrival of 3:00. I love my children, but right now (this stage of my life, maybe?) I don't want to be with them very often. 
• This house is too big. OK, really, it's too small and we have too much junk, making it even more crowded. But I want to simplify to the point of minimalism. I'm thinking one bed, small; a sink, two feet of counter space, small refrigerator, small stove, and no more dishes than will fill one small dish drainer; one comfy chair; my laptop and a small desk; kitchen table that seats 2 at the most; the minimum bathroom essentials; only enough clothing to last for a week; 24 inches of closet rod and perhaps three shelves upon which to store said clothing; shelving for books, approximately 30 inches wide and 6 to 7 feel tall, filled with my favorite books and those I am eager to read; my sewing machine and I'm not sure how much fabric (this is where it gets dicey with the minimalism) plus the yarn, knitting needles, and whatever else my crafty ass thinks she needs. Add to that a double fist full of DVDs (or conversely a Netflix subscription) and cabinet space to hold basic necessities such as cleaning solutions/equipment, personal care products, basic food stuffs, etc. And me. No one else but me, except by special invitation. All other comers can go the hell away. Does this sound pathologically antisocial to you?
• I've recently been contemplating (once again) my femininity, general gender identity/non-conformity, and such. It's an area on which I briefly focused when all gay was breaking loose a couple of years ago. The pain went away, washed out by other pressing needs. But being back in academics has opened that portal a tiny bit. And frankly, I'm very uncomfortable. I find myself feeling angry about little things having to do with feminine stereotypes. I get unaccountably upset over adverts for make-up. The disparity in clothing styles between men and women pisses me off. For example, so many of the shorts for women are tight and/or short, whereas the men's shorts styles tend toward knee length and loose. And then there are shoes. OMG. Women's shoes are cruel. Men's shoes are (more) comfortable. I could go on, but you get the drift. 

Swine flu info

If you're interested, here is the CDC website with the swine flu information. It is updated periodically throughout the day. I looked at it last night (link from Joe.My.God., I think) and there was nothing from South Carolina. This morning, just 12 hours later, there are 10 confirmed cases here. 

Am I scared? No, I wouldn't say I'm scared, exactly. I am, however, concerned. I'm trying to convince myself of the importance of the difference. 

Positive interactions between my children

They are few, but they do exist. Twitch has a talent for pulling teeth. Diva and Sproing are at the age when the baby molars fall out. Both of the kidlets have had loose teeth over the past couple of weeks. They will come to me and say "Mom, feel my tooth. Is it ready to come out yet?" and I say "no," because frankly, to me, it isn't loose enough to pull. Not so for Twitch, though. He'll wiggle the tooth and say "sure!" I don't know how he does it, exactly. Superman says he uses dental floss. Whatever the means, out comes the tooth! 

Twitch pulled one of Sproing's teeth last night, and yanked another one this evening. When he finally loosed the tooth tonight, there was more bleeding than usual. Twitch admitted after the deed was done that perhaps this tooth wasn't quite ready to come out. Nevertheless, Sproing is thrilled. 

And so it was a sign of peace and brotherly love tonight, when Twitched was called to dinner, that he said "I'll be there in a minute. I have to wash Sproing's blood off my hands."

Je suis fini

The semester is over for me. I am done, at least for now. I am registered for three classes over the summer, and if I get my financial aid, I will be matriculating both A and B sessions of the summer. I'm waiting to hear about my financial aid. 

The final final was really easy. His previous test were much more difficult. He wrote purposefully easy questions, I think. A bunch of the stuff was intuitively obvious to the casual observer. There was one question I think I got wrong, only because I answered it the way I thought it should be answered, which is different from the answer I suspect he was looking for. But I don't care. Missing that one question will not affect my grade in a statistically significant way. (I love that phrase "statistically significant.")

(Click to embiggen)

I sold back a couple of my textbooks and now have $34 burning a hole in my pocket. I want to do something fun with it, but I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions? I know $34 won't buy too much fun. I suppose I could take Superman out to the movies. I just looked up the movies currently showing in town, and there's nothing that I particularly want to see. Not even Hannah Montana - the movie! Twitch needs some lunch  money, but giving him my book money is hardly fun. Not for me, anyway. Besides, we have other money we can give the boy for lunch, I've just been too distracted to remember to go to the ATM. 

Summer term begins on Monday the 18th of May. Light comes home from her school the previous Friday. That gives me about 2.5 weeks of relative freedom. Should I take a road trip? Now that we have a much newer (2007) little fuel efficient car, it would be relatively inexpensive to take a trip. Superman told me yesterday that if I go, he wants me to drive the Aveo instead of my truck. The Aveo has air conditioning, so that puts it as a front-runner in my book. 

Possible destination: Florida - to see the family. Orlando to see mom (and a couple of my favorite bloggers), then to Gainesville to see the father and youngest brother. Somewhere in there I should get over to the Daytona area to see the other brother. If that's where I go. If I go.

Another possiblility: Baltimore. To see these guys. Honestly, there are no other compelling reasons to go to Baltimore. Ugh. But these guys are worth it! 

Perhaps NYC, or further up the coast. I like north this time of year. It is getting way too hot here and points south for this girl. I suppose I could go camping in the North Carolina mountains. I love the Blue Ridge Parkway and surrounding areas. Virginia is a lovely place, too. I could see my cousin in Virginia Beach, and maybe get together with this dear fellow while I'm in town. 

Or maybe I'll just stay home. I could clean my room, which has gotten into a deplorable state. I need to discard about half of the stuff I have in there now. Much of it needs to be dumped, but I have some good stuff that I no longer want/need that I'd like to donate to a worthy cause (maybe even you!).  

Light and I are now sharing her room, with my office space and sewing stuff in her domain. I need to straighten up some stuff, consolidate my junk, and make a more equitable arrangement before she comes home. 

I said something to Diva about painting her room when I finished with my classes. The poor dear has been living in that room with old ugly dirty paint on half the wall space, and year-old primer on the other half. That's one of the reasons I didn't get super duper upset when she got flecks of paint on her wall the other day. Well, I was upset that she used my craft paints without permission, and that she was painting so exuberantly, and using a piece of her father's plywood, and... you know the rest. But the paint splatters on the wall? It was more a matter of principle than the actual mess that bothered me. Even the ceiling in that room needs to be repainted, so it's all good. We may have trouble covering that one really dark green blotch on the ceiling. Eh. 

I need a few new clothes, and I'd like to sew them myself. I have a couple of ideas for some skirts, and I already have at least one (no, two that I remember) shirts cut out and ready to sew together. I probably need some shorts or pants, but I don't know if I'll make or purchase them. That's one idea for the use of this $34. I could pick up a couple pairs of cheap but comfortable shorts from The Great Evil Empire. 

Ah, enough rambling. I'm tired. I'm going to go putter around the house, see what sort of trouble I can get into before the young'uns get home. 

So, to summarize, should I go on a road trip or stay home and do the things that need to be done? If I don't stay home, where should I go? 

Also, what are your ideas for fun ways to spend a whopping $34? 

Everybody's talking at me

about this flu. And yes, I'm taking it seriously. 

Y'all, wash your hands frequently. Use soap and warm water. Get yourself some hand sanitizer and use it often. Wash and/or sanitize your hands after you have touched public door knobs, used the pen on the counter at the bank, handled money, pumped gas, touched a grocery cart, shaken hands with anyone. 

We live in interesting times. 

Monday mish-mash

or "the random stuff that I remember from today"

My brain is fried, at least for all practical matters. I can take tests like a demon. I blew away my Psych 101 final this morning. I have my final final tomorrow. I should be studying now, since this is the one I'm least prepared for. But for the practical matters of daily living there isn't a whole lot of brain power available. I have been functionally stupid since late last week. Stress may have something to do with that. 

Superman and I bought a car today. Did I tell you that the van is in really sad shape? We cannot drive it now, lest the engine seize up or something equally dreadful. We suspect a blown head gasket. Water and oil are mixing where water and oil aren't supposed to mix, in the engine. There's only supposed to be oil in there, but alas, the coolant system has been leaking into the engine. Translation: very expensive!! Superman has been planning to get another small car for some time. With the receipt of our tax refund that purchase is now possible. 

"So tell us what car you got already, Java! Sheesh woman, you are the worst story teller!" We got a Chevy Aveo. Huh? I know, I'd never heard of it before this weekend. 

That's pretty much what it looks like. I just snitched this photo off the internet, it isn't our car, but our car is silver and looks pretty much like this. I think it's a 2007 model. Whatever - it's a car. 

There was probably some other stuff that happened over the weekend. Oh, yeah, Sproing was sick. He ran a fever from Thursday night until sometime early Sunday morning. For two days he was quiet, calm, and practically sweet. Yesterday he was back to normal. He and Diva have been getting into it with each other. The nasty things they say to each other! It's shameful. He just started a different medicine. He's back on Ritalin again. The doctor tried him on Concerta for a few months, and as has been chronicled here, that has been a disaster. I hope the Ritalin helps. 

Damn, I hate medicating my kids. They hate it too. Surely there are programs of behavioral learning we can try. Actually, I do the best I can with what I know. And he still needs medication. Eh, I can't think about it right now. It upsets me too much. He's been playing very nicely this afternoon, so I'm going to take that as a good sign and go forth. 

Time to study! 

an interesting word to brighten your weekend

borborygmus

PRONUNCIATION:

(bor-buh-RIG-muhs) 

MEANING:

noun: A rumbling noise caused by the movement of gas through the intestines. 

ETYMOLOGY:

From Greek borborygmos (intestinal rumbling), an onomatopoeiac word to describe the sound. 

NOTES:

Borborygmi are usually harmless, they are simply a result of gas movement around the stomach. And the rumbling sound doesn't mean one is hungry either. We can't really do anything about the sound of a stomach growling, but we can take comfort in the fact that at least we know a fancy word to describe it. 

And, as a bonus, a compelling thought

A THOUGHT FOR TODAY:

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous. -Confucius, philosopher and teacher (c. 551-478 BCE) 

A pictoral example of consequences

As you may recall, I wrote earlier in the week about Sproing's bad day. It was Monday when he blew up, and I didn't give much detail when I wrote about it. I was still too angry. I'm going to say more about it, and show you some pictures.

Here's Scheherazade showing us Sproing's clock radio/CD player. This was a birthday gift, presented to him in late January.   And to the right you see where I hung it. This seemed like an appropriate display at the time. Three days later it still hangs from Light's bed post, at the edge of my office space. Why? I don't know. To remind me, maybe. Or maybe I am too lazy to remove it. 

In the next picture below I hope you can tell that the glass is missing from the closest (top left) section of the window. He broke that Monday afternoon in his dramatic display of angst. 

I never did tell you what he was up to, did I? Neither of us remembers exactly what set him off, but he was excessively angry after he got home from school. He screamed and cried loud, wracking sobs. The grief was palpable. It was obviously the end of the world. As often happens with young people who don't have much control over their emotion regulation functions, his grief expressed itself in anger. By "anger" I mean he threw things. He picked up whatever he could grab and threw it against the walls in his bedroom. The crying lasted about an hour. The screaming and throwing of things began after that.

Let me tell you, listening to an 11 year old boy cry for an hour is, to understate things, very stressful. Yes, I tried to talk to him, reason with him, give him what he needed. He refused. My very presence increased his anger and grief. So I left him alone and went into my office to grit it out. 

When he began throwing things against his wall, however, I knew I had to act. Remaining calm, (that's key) I went into his room and began carrying things out. I didn't speak to him at all, because of course he wouldn't and couldn't hear me. 
The wailing increased. I was glad. I returned to the room and carried out another armload of stuff. Twitch came along and asked about what was happening. I'm glad he did, because it gave me an opportunity to let Sproing know what I was doing. If I tell Twitch when Sproing is present, it effectively tells Sproing. 
I said that if a child throws things against the walls, he loses the privelege of having things in his room. I took out everything that was light enough to lift and hard enough to bang when it hits the wall. All he has left is his bed, which of course Superman built to be very strong and very heavy. Sproing can't pick it up and throw it against the wall. He also has his bedding. The bedding won't hurt anything if it gets tossed against the wall. 

You may notice in the picture above that Scheherazade is showing us Sproing's door. See at about the cat's midsection there is a place where the door has been kicked in. I am not sure if Sproing did that. Twitch may have, as he lived in that room prior to Sproing moving in. 
But wait! There's more! While Sproing was distracting me, Diva was getting into trouble. Shocking, I know. Diva and Sproing had gotten into a battle earlier in the afternoon, and in the fray Diva slammed her door, felling it with that final attack. The door frame has been damaged since C and S lived in that room. None of the residence of that room has treated it well. Diva finally did it in. 

But before I noticed the door, I saw her in the backyard with green hands. These kids have been with me for 11 years, folks. I'm not surprised by much, and this wasn't a surprise. A disappointment, yes. Surprise, no. Dreading what I might find, I went to the back yard to check it out. She had snitched my bottles of craft paint (which she's not allowed to have) from my room (which she's not allowed to enter without specific invitation) and taken them to the back yard to paint a piece of plywood (which she didn't have permission to use).  Without saying a word (I find that works best for my blood pressure and my vocal cords) I picked up my bucket of craft paint and pointed for her to go inside. I took her to the bathroom where she washed off her hands, then I pointed her to her room. 

Which is when I saw the door hanging at a very odd angle, and the door frame in pieces barely standing in the opening of the wall. By this time I can't talk. There is just nothing to say, and my thoughts won't form words. I tried to push the door open, but it was blocked, lo and behold, by her dresser. Think about it for a minute. If the door is blocked with her dresser, how did she get out? Of course! Her window! We have had this discussion many times. She is not to use her window as a portal of ingress and egress. We get into the room and I direct her to her bed. 

It was about then that I noticed yet another piece of plywood, approximately 18"x40", resting bottom edge on her matress and leaning against the wall. It, too, was painted with what I assume to be my craft paint. The paint was various shades of green, which are the colors she used from my craft bucket. I reached over to get it, and my thumb smeared the wet paint. Yes, I said WET paint. I picked the thing up and defenestrated it! 
It landed paint down on the grass. I haven't moved it, and I assume it is still right there. Diva was in her room for the next 5 years. Oh, wait. It's only been 3 days. She was in her room the rest of the day, I'll tell you that. As you can see, the only thing she has for a door is an old sheet. Well, actually her door is there, just not in a traditional door position. 
When I went into her room yesterday to gather pictoral evidence, I saw that in her enthusiasm (or whatever one might call it) she splattered green paint on the walls and ceiling of her room. We haven't discussed it yet. I should probably take all of her stuff out of her room, too, but you know what? After emptying Sproing's room I just don't have the energy to do it. We'll do something about it perhaps tomorrow or over the weekend. 
'Cause right now I'm tired. Dreadfully demoralized and tired. And I have final exams this week and next. I've had two already (easy-peasy), have one at 8:00 tomorrow morning (should be a breeze), one Monday, and the last one on Tuesday. The exams Monday and Tuesday are going to be harder, and I need to spend the weekend studying for them. After Tuesday, though, I'll be finished for the semester. 

The kids still have about 5 or 6 weeks of school. I am looking forward to being home during the day without them here. Perhaps before they start summer vacation I can dig dungeons in the backyard. Wait! What am I thinking? I'll make them do it! I learned a couple of things from "Holes." They can dig their own dungeons and Superman can make the doors to keep them in. It will be a fun summer, no? 

School

Today was the last regular class day of our semester. It is good to be done with that. I did very well on the Developmental Psych test I took yesterday. I have a very good feeling about the test I took in Psych 101, too. Today I had the last exam in my counseling class, and except for the last series of questions, I think I did well. I've talked to two other students in that class who also say they didn't get the last few questions, and I wonder if everyone had a hard time with those. Anyway, I should get the grade from that test on Thursday. We have role play demonstrations during our schedule final exam period Thursday. Then I will be completely done with that class. After that I have three more tests, none of which is particularly frightening. It's been a good semester. 

There might be more to say, but my brain is wrung out like a dirty dish towel hanging threadbare over the edge of the sink. If it revives and has any stellar insights, I'll be back to share them with you. Until then, I'm going to chill out. 

Abject misery as demonstrated by an eleven year old boy

Here's how it is: if I don't wear cool clothes, I'm not a cool kid. Instead, I'm ugly and stupid and all the kids hate me and no one will play with me. 

I want to talk to him. I want to tell him that this isn't the end of the world. I want him to understand that he is not stupid or ugly. But he won't listen to me now, not while he's wailing. It's a heartbreaking sound, and there's not a thing I can do about it. 

Superman took him out shopping last night and he picked out his own new pants and shirts. Evidently that's not good enough. He says no one ever gets him anything or lets him do anything. I guess that trip to the zoo last week, and his afternoon at the skating rink on Sunday don't count. 

I don't want to talk about it anymore, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to read about it. 

Monday, Monday

I am pumped!  I get to take two exams today! The reason this excites me is that I am ready for them. (I think) Another reason is that I'm a glutton for punishment. Oh, and slightly demented, but in a good way. 

I finished the paper that's due today before midnight last night. Heck, it wasn't even dark when I finished it. Then I spent the rest of the evening (and an hour or so into what is technically today) studying for the exams. I slept fairly well for about 5 hours, except for the incident with the cat*. The coffee is ready and my day is under way. 

The fact that I'm feeling so chipper just two days after the deep blue funk further indicates to me that Saturday's mood was organically induced. 

Time for coffee, y'all. We'll chat later.

*Dad-gum big kitty thinks he's a nursing kitten. He sits on my ribcage, licks/sucks my armpit, and with long, sharp claws extended he kneads my side. But not for long. Long enough, however, to disturb my sleep. 

It's early yet, but

Feeling somewhat better after a good night's sleep and a delicious breakfast prepared by Superman himself. He's so good to me. 

It is probably organic

Today is not going well for me. The problem is most likely organic in nature. Sure, I have a lot of stress right now, but my lack of ability to cope feels more like a chemical/hormonal imbalance than merely an emotional reaction to the stress. I feel like I am on the brink of insanity. On days like today I realize just how thin my veneer of mental health is. 

And yes, I took my medicine today and have been consistently taking my medication for a long time.  

Difficulty organizing my thoughts

Anger; inappropriately high levels of anger, especially toward the children

Inability to form complete sentences when speaking to those children

Inability to form coherent sentences at all

Hyper-critical of my own thoughts and actions

Desire to withdraw from almost all social interaction 

Desire to inflict bodily harm; self-flagellation (I'm too wimpy to actually do it, but I think it would be appropriate under the circumstances.)

Suicidal ideation*

Sometimes I wish I'd never had any children at all, ever. Even though I love my children, and don't mean to insult or in any way harm them, there are times when I think my life would have been less traumatic if I'd just left well enough alone. If I were childless, though, I'd probably have regrets. Right now I see no way to escape deep feelings of despondency, helplessness, hopelessness. regret, sadness.

I am unwell.

*No, I'm not going to kill myself. There are too many people dependent on me. Sometimes I wish I could, though.

conversations at home

Today is garbage pick-up day. The kids are on spring break this week, so no one but the grownups has to get up early, which throws the Tuesday morning trash routine out of wack. Last night I asked Twitch to go ahead and take the garbage can and recycle bin out to the road. Of course he didn't want to.

Twitch: Mom, what time will they come by to get the garbage?

Java: The driver called me today to say he would be here at 7:53 tomorrow morning.

Twitch: Oh. OK. 

Java: Gee whiz, son, I don't know when they'll be here! 

Twitch: You were being sarcastic??

Java: YES! The city isn't going to call and let everyone know exactly when their garbage will be picked up!

Twitch: Well they should.

And he honestly believes that. 

The latest construction

"There are people who make things happen, there are people who watch things happen, and there are people who wonder what happened. To be successful, you need to be a person who makes things happen." -- Jim Lovell

(Apropos of nothing in particular. I just like this quote. )

Superman has built another bed. This one is for Light, and I have a part of it, too. While Light is away at college I use her room as an office and place to study. Her bed is the top surface, my office is the portion below the platform. 

We have yet to get a mattress for her. 

Here's my area.

This is the ceiling of my office.
Superman is a design engineer. He designs things to stay where he puts them and do what they are supposed to do. This platform bed is supposed to be very stable, and here are his initial cross beam supports.

Here I have moved my stuff into my new office, and there is another support piece.

This is a better shot of my desk. Things have been rearranged a bit since this picture was taken. 

Superman has another structural piece there behind the bookshelf. That is a large piece of plywood keeping the thing even more stable. 

Why use one screw when three will do? He uses screws instead of nails in almost everything he builds because they are stronger, and easier to remove if he wants to take the structure apart. He's a very thorough fellow. 

It's too good to hide

Without his permission, but hoping for forgiveness, I post this note from Superman. He left this comment on the previous post, and it's just too good to hide in a comment. 

Yes, I like to sit and watch stormy weather ... assuming I am safe and dry at the time. I do NOT like to drive in it.

One positive piece of fallout from the storm (for us anyway) was that there was some tree damage in the area. Twitch and I collected a truckload of LARGE oak logs from just down the street. More firewood for free! Yay us!

Interesting tidbit about the collection of said wood. The pieces were very large. Between 4 and 7 feet long and averaging around a foot in diameter, and weighing between 150 and 400 pounds. A clue: there was ONE piece there that could be handled by a single worker. Twitch is almost as big as I am (he's about 6'2" and 230 pounds) and it was a chore for the two of us to get the logs loaded. He wanted to use a chainsaw to cut them up, but I said nahhhhh. Let's just load 'em as-is. It'll be a good workout. He said he didn't need a workout. I pointed at his generous gut and disagreed. He said I needed the workout more than he did. We agreed to disagree on that, but he then stated that he didn't think I had the stamina to finish the job.

What? What did he just say to me? Oh, it is so ON!

I told him it wouldn't be a problem. He said he had five bucks that said it would.

Heh. He owes me five bucks now. I haven't brought it back up, but I think I will the next time he complains about a chore.

Footnote to the loading operation. I turned 49 last week. The ol' stamina ain't there like it used to be. I took a hot shower, and a Celebrex, and a Tylenol, and I'm going to bed. I hope I can lift my arms in the morning.

But don't tell Twitch. };-D 

I did something right!

I really want to post more often. Sometimes I open my blog and am surprised to see the same old post sitting there. Surely I've updated since Sunday!? I guess not. 

I did a good mommy thing this week. I was a good mean mommy, which pleases me greatly. I shall explain. Superman got up about 3 a.m. Thursday morning, I am not sure why. He heard something? He needed to pee? Whatever. He went into the living room where he found Diva and Sproing watching The Rock on DVD. That's an R rated movie. It has a little bit of not-much-left-to-the-imagination sex and a whole slew of way nasty violence. It is not a movie they should watch, and I keep it in my room where they don't have access to it. However, Light watched it when she was on spring break last week and left it out for the kidlets to get. They're smart enough to know I don't want them watching it, so they waited until Superman and I were asleep to get up and watch it. He says they had gotten pretty far into the movie by the time he found them. He of course sent them straight back to bed. 

So Thursday I was contemplating what would make a good punishment for this offense. I certainly didn't want it to go unpunished, and I know the best punishments are direct consequences. I came up with a good one! Since they had been up at 3 a.m., I decided to put them to bed 3 hours before their regular bedtime. That means Thursday's bedtime was 5:00. Sproing wasn't even home from his friend's house by 5, but he was put to bed as soon as he got home. Diva went to bed quietly pouting, and fell asleep shortly thereafter. Sproing, on the other hand, did not go quiet into that good night. He screamed and cried for an hour and a half. Seriously. He's got some perseverance, doesn't he? Then he complained to his dad that his throat and ribs hurt. I laughed, but Superman held his laughter until later. Good man, that one. Anyway, the boy finally went to sleep and slept pretty hard. He was in an amazingly good mood Friday morning, and had a very good day at school. I feel vindicated. 

**************

We had a string of powerful storms come through here last night. The lightening was awesome! There were reports of tornadoes, but I don't know if any touched down in our neighborhood. There are a good number of trees either uprooted or with large branches down throughout the city. Our back yard is a mess, but nothing serious. 

I have some pictures of my new study cave. Superman built a loft bed for Light, and my desk is underneath it. I'll get those posted later today (I hope). 

That's all for now. 

Q & A

It's a meme! Indigo tagged me, but since I've given up passing on tags, I shan't tag anyone else. Feel free to use it, though. 

1. Were you named after anyone? Either my mother's mother or my mother's sister. Since my grandmother and my aunt have the same name, I guess it doesn't matter who exactly I was named after. And I don't like the name. It is very old fashioned and boring. 

2. When was the last time you cried? Friday, when I was overwhelmed by the difficulty of dealing with Sproing. 

3. Do you like your handwriting? Mostly, and especially when I slow down and make an effort to write neatly. My mother has the most gorgeous handwriting! It looks just like the writing in the little books they made us copy from in school. 

4. What is your favorite lunch meat? Thinly sliced deli roast beef. (Alright, I'm hungry now)

5. Do you have kids? Do you read this blog? Yes. Four or six, depending on how you count. Four that I am legally responsible for.  

6. If you were another person, would you be friends with you? I don't know. Maybe. On some days. 

7. Do you use sarcasm? More often than I should.

8. Do you still have your tonsils? Nope

9. Would you bungee jump? Um, no.

10. What is your favorite cereal? By cereal, do you mean packaged breakfast cereal? Or do you mean cereal grain? The position of "favorite" in packaged breakfast cereals changes. It depends on what kind of mood my taste buds are in. As for cereal grains, it's a toss up between oats and barley. Is barley a cereal grain? For the sake of this meme, let's assume so.  

11. Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? I don't actually have any shoes with laces, so no.

12. Yellow light: speed up or slow down? It depends on a lot of factors, including but not limited to my current level of PMS.

13. What is your favorite ice cream? It's hard to say. Chocolate is always a good basic, but it often depends on what's available. I really like to get two Ben and Jerry's flavors, Chunky Monkey and Chocolate Fudge Brownie, remove the ice cream from the cartons and cut them in half from top to bottom. Then I put half of each flavor back into the cartons. It is a wonderful mix of flavors and I like catching both on my spoon. 

14. What is the first thing you notice about people? I have no idea. I don't pay attention to exactly what I'm paying attention to. That sounds funny. I'm too busy noticing things that I'm not aware of what I'm noticing? I'm not into meta-attention, how 'bout that?

15. Red or pink?  In what context? I'm not overly fond of either color generally, but in the right application both can be the perfect color.  

16. What is your least favorite thing about yourself? That's a tough question to pose to someone with as many self-esteem issues as I have. I can't prioritize the list on such short notice. 

17. Who do you miss the most? Probably my paternal grandmother. She was a wonderful old gal.

18. Do you want everyone to complete this list? Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn. 

19. What color pants and shoes are you wearing? Pants - gray knit shorts. Shoes - none. 

20. What are you listening to right now? The noise coming from the living room. Superman and Twitch are checking out random YouTube videos of old songs and old cartoons. I don't have any music or TV or anything on. For the last hour I've been considering putting in my ear plugs so I can't hear that noise out there. 

21. If you were a crayon, what color would you be? What the heck do I know? Where do these questions come from?

22. Favorite smells? Now that you mention it, a fresh new box of Crayola crayons is right up there. Fresh baked bread is another good one.  

23. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? I don't remember. I talked to my mother on Thursday. It was her birthday. I think the most recent was one of Sproing's friends who called wanting to talk to him. 

24. Do you like the person who sent you this? Very much 

25. What is your favorite sport to watch? Major league baseball, specifically the Atlanta Braves.

26. Hair color? Brownish, I guess, with a touch of gray just starting to sprout

27. Eye color? Gray/green 

28. Do you wear contacts? Sometimes. I don't have any currently and need to have another eye exam before I can get some more. 

29. Favorite food? Chocolate ice cream, chocolate candy, chocolate in general

30. Scary movie or happy ending? Happy ending, definitely!

31. Last movie you watched? Into the Wild. Good movie, very thought provoking.

32. What color shirt are you wearing? I don't know, it's one of those not white, not brown colors. Dull, earth tone. 

33. Summer or winter? Winter, especially around here. Summers are way too hot. 

34. Hugs or kisses? It depends entirely on the person and the situation.

35. Most likely to respond? I have no earthly idea.

36. Least likely to respond? My lurkers. (you know who you are!)

37. What book are you reading now? Textbooks, baby, lots of textbooks. I began Sex as God Intended by John J. McNeill during spring break, but didn't finish it then and don't have time to read it before final exams. I'll pick it back up after the semester is over.

38. What is on your mousepad? No mousepad. I use a laptop with touch pad. 

39. What did you watch on TV last night? I didn't watch TV last night. 

40. Favorite sounds? The sound of silence goes a long way. Soft, cheerful sounds of nature. Rain on a metal roof.  

41. Rolling Stones or Beatles? Simon and Garfunkel 

42. What is the farthest you've been from home? Pasadena, California. I flew out there to visit a dear friend of mine way back in 1986, I think it was. September. Had a wonderful time.  

43. Do you have a special talent? That depends on how you define talent. I can do many things, but I am not sure if any of them could be defined as a special talent.

44. Where were you born? Daytona Beach, Florida

45. Whose answers are you looking forward to getting back? I have no expectations.

46. How did you meet your spouse/significant other? A blind date set up by his sister. 

Pastiche

The idea is for me to do my homework. What really happens is that I sit here and search desperately for distractions. I have so far completed one very simple assignment and have barely begun two other papers. 

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Now in simulated woodgrain finish

This is my favorite recent LOLCats. icanhascheezburger.com is the happy place I go to for a good laugh these days. 

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There are only 2.5 more weeks of school! A couple-three days of exams, and I'm DONE for the semester. I'm thinking of taking a summer class or two, possibly at the local community/tech college. I haven't looked into it yet, though.

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I'm getting restless. I want to GO somewhere. It is time for me to get in my truck and drive north. I cannot leave until after May 4th because Superman and I have an appointment on 5/4 with a psychiatrist at the hospital who will be doing some tests on Diva. If I take summer classes that will define my free time. Twitch graduates from high school on June 5th (IIRC) so I obviously need to be here for that. My mama is coming into town a few days before his graduation. So are the in-laws, for that matter. That is an interesting dilemma. I want to be here to see my mama, but I don't want to be here to see the in-laws. Doesn't matter what I want, I have to be here. I want to see my son graduate, and that's the most important thing. 

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A friend of mine just dropped by. That almost never happens! I often say that I don't have many friends. The sad thing is that I really do have friends, I just forget them. Isn't that terrible? This is a gal who has a daughter Diva's age. I worked with her when our girls were in kindergarten and first grade in the girl scouts. I was a girl scout troop leader for a while, and this sweet lady was a great help to me. She took over leadership when I left. I am so glad she came by. I really like her a bunch, but we never get together. We could, though. I know we'd both like it. Maybe we will now that we have remembered each other. 

It isn't easy to be my friend. I don't do the right kind of reciprocating, or something. I'll have to think about that. 

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Superman has been building today. He got Light's bed nearly finished. I've been taking pictures that I will (most likely) post soon. The nifty thing about him getting Light's bed done is that it also got my office space done. I have my own study cave now, under Light's bed. I like it.

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I baked a cheesecake this evening. It has been cooling on a rack on the stove but now I'm going to put it in the refrigerator to chill overnight. I used a spring form pan, four eggs, and four 8 oz. packages of cream cheese. It's the lower fat cream cheese, so it has fewer calories but tastes just as good. As for those fewer calories, though, it won't make much difference. You and I both know that. But it sounds noble!

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That's all I've got. There will be more later, but I don't know how much more or how much later. 

Here is my heart

Since he wandered off and isn't listening to me anyway, I am posting this here.

Dear Son,

I can't help loving you. I love you so much just because you are my son. I started loving you the day I first held you in my arms.

I fed you, I bathed you, I rocked you to sleep, and that made me love you more.

I watched you learn to walk. I got good walking shoes for you, and watched you toddle around in your new shoes. That made me love you more.

You rode your little car all around the house. You grinned at me, and I loved you that much more.

You colored with crayons in your coloring books. You explored the world with intense curiosity. You played with the ants in the yard until they stung you, but you played with them again because it was fun, even if you got stung. All I could do was treat your ant stings and love you more and more.

I scratched your back. I scratched your back some more. You asked me to scratch more and I scratched your back again. I have been scratching your back all your life, and I love you more and more with every scratch.

I got cars and trucks and tractors and trailers for you. You have driven your cars up and down my body, all across my furniture, and on every wall in every house we've lived in. I have loved you through every inch those little cars have traveled.

Now you are older. You are interested in different things. Your friends and classmates influence your opinions more than I do. It is that time in your life when you will learn so much more about the world outside of our house, our family, your school, this neighborhood. 

Growing up is not easy. I cannot fix everything that goes wrong in your life anymore, not the way I could when you were three years old. But I love you now even more than I did then. There are still some things that I can help fix, but only if you let me. No matter what your choices are, I still love you. Loving you is a part of who I am.

-Mom