... because what else is there to do?
It took us 11 hours to get home from Richmond, VA today. We stopped a few times, had a sit-down lunch at a Cracker Barrel before we ever got out of Virginia. Then we stopped for supper at my favorite place in the Charlotte, NC area. the IHOP on Cox. I took pictures. I'll post them soon, but not tonight. As I type this it's 1:53 a.m. Superman and I are driving down to Gainesville, FL in the morning to be with my brothers as we mourn Daddy's death.
It's been a surreal day. Started out with snow on the ground and more snow falling gently from the skies over Virginia. We tried to take a truckload of snow home to the kids, but it somehow disappeared between Richmond and Greenwood SC.
My Daddy isn't here anymore. All day today that reality keeps sinking in deeper. He wasn't supposed to die yet. He was supposed to have another 5, maybe 7 years. That's my opinion, anyway. He was 78 years old.
And I'm doing OK, really. He was a fine man, lived a good life more or less. He certainly had a full life, and did a lot of things that he really enjoyed. His life ended rather uncomfortably, but until a few days ago he was fine. He kept his mental faculties until the end, and I know that was very important to him. He did not linger, was not a burden on anyone, and lived his life on his own terms, at least the past few years.
Of course he's gone now, and that's not going to change. So we change with it. He's gone. We carry on.
Superman is allowed three consecutive calendar days of bereavement leave for the death of a parent-in-law. He took Monday off anyway for our return trip from Delaware. His three bereavement leave days begin tomorrow, go through Thursday. Good Friday comes at the end of the week and is a paid holiday where he works. So, he has the week off. We'll go tomorrow to be with my brothers and step-mom and stay for I don't know how long.
There won't be any kind of memorial service anytime soon. Daddy didn't want one, I think, and neither does his wife. They are now planning a celebration of life party on his behalf to be held in about four weeks. Daddy's wishes were to be cremated and have his ashes cast upon the waters of the Atlantic Ocean. Sometime this summer, I suppose, the brothers and step-mom will arrange a deep sea fishing trip and celebration of Daddy's life. We'll go east into the Atlantic and broadcast his ashes, perhaps drink a bit ("a bit" means "a lot") maybe do some fishing, and remember a truly special man. So nothing this week except being together. More formal and public celebrations of his life to follow later in the year. Though I wish there was some kind of memorial service for him this week, I'm OK with the way things are. It's what he wanted and what his widow wants for him. That is more important than what I might want. My immediate family here in South Carolina can have our own private memorial ritual.
And right now I really need to get to sleep!
Moving Along, but Adrift
10 years ago
8 comments:
I highly recommend saying goodbye in your own way, it will bring you the closure you will need. It's never easy to say goodbye to a parent, and to lose one so suddenly, well, it will require closure.
I wish you peace.
I was thinking of you this morning. Losing a loved one, especially a parent who was so much a part of your life is never easy. Even though my Mother died two years ago, everyday my brothers and I miss her terribly. We say we're "orphans" now, even tough she was 86 whens she died and we were in our late 60's.
We all mourn in our own private way and then "move on." It is our only choice. It isn't easy but it is part of living. That's why I firmly believe in making every day count and that is one reason I so enjoyed the Bloggerpalooza this past weekend. There was a lot of good living this past weekend in this little town on the east coast of Delaware.
My thoughts are with you.
Ron
Oh, I am so sorry to hear this news. After such a great high time to get this news. And to be so tired.
YOU and yours are in my heart as you travel south.
Meeting and getting to know you and superman has been a great experience. please know that all your new friends are here and thinking about you.
hugs,
the Cajun
I was saddened to hear of your loss. I wish I had words that would bring some kind of comfort. Please travel safe.
Going on a fishing trip sounds like a fine way to say farewell.
I remember when my father passed away. I had many of the same thoughts are you. We did the whole memorial service, interment in a niche (he, too, was cremated) with mom's ashes. He's back with her, after nearly 16 years apart.
I think the idea of a fishing trip is wonderful. And I also agree that a celebration of life is so much more appropriate than a memorial service. Very cool!
Travel safely. That's a lot of miles in a short period of time. At least you don't have any more snow to deal with!
Peace <3
Jay
I hope your sleep is a splendid and soothing one.
Java,
We're thinking of you and your family. I had to say goodbye to my mother and my father, 18 years apart. Both were expected, but neither was easy. The pain lessens, but the memories don't...the way it should be.
The plans for your father's bereavement sound very much like those I have written for my sons when I die. Cremate me and scatter my ashes in my favorite places later when they can celebrate my life with the good memories. Celebrate life -- that is the way to go.
You certainly helped all of us celebrate life this past weekend. Won't forget the witches hat or the superman shirt!
David
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