Illustration: Lo Cole for the Guardian

My life in sex: ‘While my husband was away on a business trip, I discovered casual sex’

The 54-year-old unfaithful wife

O

n the outside, I am a happily married, respectable, middle-aged woman. My husband is great – generous, good company, a wonderful father and grandfather. We have an enjoyable, comfortable life. He’s 12 years older than me, but that was never a problem, and although sex was routine, I was faithful for almost 30 years.

Then, three years ago, something changed. After a couple of operations, he fell into a long bout of severe depression, which resulted in a complete absence of physical affection. I became frustrated and desperate, and started fantasising about sex with other men. My husband travels a lot, and while he was away on a long business trip abroad, I discovered casual sex.

It was a revelation. I was amazed how easy it is for a woman to find lovers, and how many do. On the website I used, women outnumbered men hugely. While many of the men who look for sex in this way seem vulgar and semi-literate, there are a small minority who are lovely.

I’ve met 10 in the last couple of years, and now see three of them on a fairly regular basis: one is a doctor, one a company director and the other a TV journalist.

I have amazing, adventurous sex with each of them, and they have also become friends. We all have a lot to lose, so are respectful and very discreet. My job means I travel and don’t work set hours, so this secret isn’t difficult to hide.

It’s all about mutual satisfaction and fun. I’m enjoying the kind of sex I always dreamed of. I just hope that no one ever finds out.

THE GUARDIAN

Illustration: Lo Cole for the Guardian

My life in sex: being the other woman

While I did not relish embarking on an affair, there was something about him and selfishly I wanted more

Anonymous
Friday 18 May 2018

I

’d been separated from my husband for six months and felt lonely. The separation had been painful and not my decision, so in an attempt to widen my social life, I searched for someone with common interests on an expatriate social network site.

We chatted on email and WhatsApp, before arranging to meet for a coffee a few days later. There was a mutual attraction. I liked his intellect and the way he explored my thoughts and opinions. He was easy to talk to and over time we discussed our sexual preferences: what we have tried, what we would like to. He told me he was married and, while I did not relish embarking on an affair, there was something about him; selfishly, I wanted more. I’ve always enjoyed the pleasures of sex, but have never explored my boundaries.

Embarking on an affair where there are no boundaries requires trust and discretion. We discuss in detail what we would like to try, and then comes the wait until we can be together to do it, which perhaps is part of the excitement. Whether I am being pleasured by him or self-pleasuring (another part of my life I wouldn’t have tried if I was married), making love has a new meaning. It’s not so much the sexual act, but the fascination of the physical response to a particular stimulus and the psychological impact that has.

For now, it’s one big adventure. I am the other woman and that does not sit comfortably with me. I am having an affair with a considerate lover who has taken me on a journey of discovery and pleasure. We’re far from finished.

THE GUARDIAN 

Illustration by Lo Cole

My life in sex: the man who always gives an orgasm

Getting a woman to climax: it’s not rocket science 

Anonymous

Fri 9 Mar 2018

I

’ve never asked, “How was that for you?” because, frankly, I haven’t needed to. I’m 49 and have been good at giving women orgasms since I started having sex; it’s something I can do on demand, either orally (never fails) or, to a slightly lesser extent, with penetration.

I learned from reading pornographic magazines with a high lesbian sex content when I was a teenager. It’s all about getting very familiar with my partner’s anatomy and reading how she’s reacting to my touch. It’s not rocket science.

How do I know my partners have never faked an orgasm? I don’t suppose I do with 100% certainty – but they’ve all displayed a few seconds of what I can only describe as total paralysis. There’s also an extreme sensitivity of the clitoris and sometimes nipples immediately afterwards. My current partner starts helplessly chuckling to herself. I haven’t experienced that before, but at least she’s consistent.

I read a lot about men who are lousy lovers, often because they are only interested in their own gratification; is it so prevalent? If so, I feel sorry for them, and for their partners. Making a woman squirm with an orgasm or two gives me such a high (not to mention an ego boost).

I don’t know if women generally have detailed conversations about their sex lives, but I do know that previous girlfriends have told their friends about my performance. Once, during a relationship counselling session, the therapist asked my now ex-wife whether bad sex was ever an issue. Even in her total hostility, she gave me an A+ rating.

THE GUARDIAN