All I want for my birthday is ...

Two simple things really, but I'm really afraid neither of them are going to happen.

First, I'd really like "Terminator Salvation" to not suck, but the reviews from both critics and people who actually just like watching movies are starting to quickly pile it up in the negative. At least they bothered to release it a couple of days early so I can go see it after work today.

For me, "Terminator" isn't just an iconic franchise. It's also the first time I really understood as a kid that "Rated R" wasn't just for sleazy movies. Granted, seeing Salisbury, Md., native Linda Hamilton all kinds of naked when you're 14 years old is certainly a bonus, but it was also just seriously smart sci-fi that earned the violence side of its "R" with style and purpose.

I have a growing suspicion that McG - who I have no real beef with up to this point - is just gonna blow that all away, but here's hoping against hope that I'm wrong.

And secondly, an Orioles victory over the damn Yankees, I'm afraid, is even more of a lost cause. I was hoping Tuesday night would lead to our second defeat of C.C. Sabathia this season, but in the seventh inning the game went from 2-1 to 9-1 in favor of the Yanks in what seemed like five seconds. And the less that's said about last night's game the better.

Actually, what I really want for my birthday is to see Matt Weiters in an Orioles uniform now, and to bring a bunch of those young arms with him to replace the bums we have now. Gregg Zaun is hitting well below the Mendoza line, which even Peter Angelos must recognize isn't terribly good, so the future is now! Peace out.

The joys of summer: Ten (or maybe 13) flicks I'm really looking forward to

Actually, the most important thing happening possibly today for fans of great television is that DirecTV and NBC are expected to announce whether or not they've come to an agreement for a fourth and fifth season of "Friday Night Lights."

Now, I know I talk about this show a whole lot, but you'll just have to believe me that it's that good. It's the best TV drama since "The Wire," and in the interest of full disclosure, it routinely comes very close to making this grownass man cry at its most touching moments.

If you've missed out on the ride thus far, it's easy to catch up, and free too. I was rather amazed to find you can watch the first two seasons and the second half of the current one on Hulu, so I encourage anyone to give it a try.

The final decision, of course, will come down to money, specifically how much DirecTV is willing to pay to air the shows before they hit NBC. I'll definitely pass on what I hear as soon as I can, but here today it's all about summer, and what's in the movie pipeline.

There's actually some pretty good stuff coming before summer, which for argument's sake will start in May, including this week Greg Mottola's "Adventureland" and - if you live in a bigger city than me - "Sunshine Cleaning" and Anna Boden and Ryan Fleck's baseball flick "Sugar," and next week Jody Hill's "Observe and Report." For a look at what comes after those that intrigues me, here goes (and please forgive any misspellings, because the Blogger spell check just wouldn't work this morning):

May 21: Terminator Salvation

I really had little to no interest in this one until I saw the latest trailer, but am now fairly convinced that McG will cook up something both genuinely gritty and fun with it. McG? Yes, McG.

May 29: Three definitely worth waiting for

The Brothers Bloom: Memorial day weekend will probably be the single best movie weekend of 2009 if Rian Johnson's sophomore flick actually manages to play wide enough to reach my little corner of the world. It was originally supposed to come out late last year, and I've certainly been ready to see this con man flick starring Adrien Brody, Mark Ruffalo, Rachel Weisz and Rinko Kikuchi since then.



Drag Me to Hell: If anyone short of Sam Raimi were promising a return to "real horror" I'd probably just laugh and move on, but judging from the trailer above I think he's come up with exactly that. If you hooked her up to a lie detector I bet Ellen Page would reveal she regrets passing on the lead in this tale of an old woman's rather nasty curse and handing the role to Alison Lohman.

Up: Having seen just last weekend what 3D can do in the wrong hands, being thoroughly bored from start to finish by Dreamworks' "Monsters Vs. Aliens," I can't wait to see it used for the forces of good again by Pixar. Everything I've seen and heard about this tale of an adventurous septuagenarian (Ed Asner) and his flying house says it's gonna be yet another Pixar winner.

June 19

Whatever Works: After countless years of casting his muse of the moment, Woody Allen has finally looked in the mirror and turned to a cranky old man as the lead in this one, and thankfully it's veryfunnyman Larry David. Here's hoping the success of "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" (my favorite comedy of 2009) means this return to NYC for Mr. Allen will play very wide.



Year One: As you can see from the trailer above, the humor in this Harold Ramis flick will be extremely broad but hopefully also on the mark. Jack Black and Michael Cera play the leads in this biblical laugher, which Ramis promises was made in the spirit of Monty Python. I have my doubts, but bring it on so we can find out.

July 1: Public Enemies

Having tried it out on one of my Johnny Depp-obsessed co-workers when she was having a particularly bad day, I can attest that there's just something extremely therapeutic about seeing him tote a tommy gun. Christian Bale will be the lawman who pursues Depp's John Dillinger in Michael Mann's flick, and you've also got Marion Cotillard as Dillinger's mol and Billy Crudup as J. Edgar Hoover, which all sounds pretty great to me.

July 10: Bruno

I'm not sure I'm ready for more of Sacha Baron Cohen's antics, but I laughed through just about every minute of "Borat," so I'll give him another shot. Besides, early word is that his exploits as the Austrian fashion reporter Bruno are at least as outrageous as anything he came up with the first time out, so it should at least never be boring.

July 17: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

It will be interesting to see if Harry Potter mania will still be running strong after such a long layoff. Given what director David Yates did with "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix" and that this installment is easily my favorite of the books, I'm betting this one will be both a critical and box-office winner.



July 31: Funny People

As you can see from the trailer above (which reveals perhaps too much of the flick's story), there's a whole lot more than stand-up comedy going on in this Judd Apatow movie starring Adam Sandler and Seth Rogen. Given how often we hear the "Freaks and Geeks" creator's name nowadays, it's surprising (to me, at least) that this will be only the third flick he's actually directed, preceded by "The 40-Year-Old Virgin" and "Knocked Up" (the far superior of the two).

August 7: Julie and Julia

Far too girly for the heat of August, perhaps, but when you've got Meryl Streep and adorable Amy Adams in a movie that's all about food, I'm there. Streep will play master chef Julia Child and Adams a woman who decides to cook her way through Child's "Mastering the Art of French Cooking" in one year's time in her small kitchen. Sounds like nothing but fun to me.



August 14: Taking Woodstock

Out of some odd misguided loyalty to Dave Chappelle I've thus far resisted watching Comedy Central's latest sketch comedy star, Demetri Martin, but I'm beginning to think I'm really missing out on something good. Should I give in? As you can see from the trailer above, Mr. Martin also plays the lead role of Elliot Tiber in Ang Lee's flick about the famed hippie fest, which looks like it will be as simply silly as it is hopefully entertaining.

August 21: Inglourious Basterds

We finish, fittingly enough, with Quentin Tarantino's version of a World War II flick, assuming he actually both finishes it in time and decides to cut it enough to release it as only one movie. After watching Eli Roth removing a Nazi's head with a baseball bat I have serious doubts that this will be any good, but I'll definitely be there to see how it all turns out.

And there you have it. There are also certainly some pending blockbusters ("GI Joe", "Star Trek" and "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" among them) that simply don't interest me all that much, but if there are any other summer flicks I've omitted but should put on my radar, certainly let me know, and have a perfectly passable Monday. Peace out.

What's Zack Snyder up to after "Watchmen"?

The picture above is one of nine in a gallery online at Vanity Fair that's well worth checking out here. This "Honeymooners" shot had to be my favorite because Bill Hader, Anna Faris, Leslie Mann and Jason Bateman are all just sensationally funny people, but there's plenty more to enjoy - including Seth Rogen as Frida Kahlo - in the gallery.

And speaking of seriously funny, a hearty huzzah to Spike TV (which I'm fairly certain I haven't tuned in to up to this point) for reviving a true American hero of physical comedy, the great Super Dave Osborne. If you grew up in the '80s like I did, Super Dave was the king of failed stunts, and now he's about to bring it all back again for four episodes he will write and of course star in this summer. Definitely keep your eyes out for that.

And he's not the only very funny guy who's about to make a comeback. Dave Chappelle sidekick Charlie Murphy - a k a Eddie's currently funnier brother - will launch his show "Charlie Murphy's Crash Comedy" on something called Crackle.com beginning March 20. And please, please, please Mr. Murphy, just go right ahead and steal the concept of "Charlie Murphy's True Hollywood Stories." It was the funniest thing on Dave's show, and he apparently won't be needing it anytime soon.

And since this is already the longest intro having nothing to do with the headline, why not more really funny from Kevin Smith, who proves there's not only life after making a porno, but a real cash cow.

For the record, I really liked "Zack and Miri Make a Porno." It was sweet and funny all at once, and that thoroughly disgusting anal sex joke at the end - I suppose it was the "money shot" - just made me laugh out loud. Almost as funny but thoroughly depressing, however, is that - for Wal-Mart, at least - Mr. Smith and those Weinstein boys have stripped the "porno" from the title completely for DVD shelves, labeling it simply "Zack and Miri." Sad. Really sad.

Now, even though that flick only made a rather paltry $31 million in its theatrical run, Mr. Smith is about to hit the big time. Warner Brothers has signed him to direct the detective comedy "A Couple of Cops," which was apparently at one point, and in Smith's hands probably will again be, known as "A Couple of Dicks." It will star Bruce Willis and Tracy Morgan. In the flick, according to the trades, the duo will track down a stolen baseball card, rescue a Mexican beauty and deal with gangsters and laundered drug money.

I can't find anything but good news there. For proof that Willis can be a great comedic actor with the right material, look no further than "Bandits" with Billy Bob Thornton and Cate Blanchett (well worth a rental if you can still find it.) And Tracy Morgan, though Tina Fey and Alec Baldwin try to steal all the acclaim, is the biggest fool on "30 Rock" and plays it with gusto. That recent bit with Dr. Spaceman about how diabetes might give him the chance to replace one of his feet with a wheel was just priceless.

OK, enough of that. Since this is "Watchmen" week, it should be all about Zack Snyder, and I promise that from here on out it mostly will be. It may be old news to most of the world, but the item I came across this morning was the first I had heard about "Sucker Punch," his next flick after "Watchmen."

And it sounds thoroughly intriguing. The new news is that "Mamma Mia!" star Amanda Seyfried is about to sign on to lead the mostly female cast, with Vanessa Hudgens, Abbie Cornish, Evan Rachel Wood and Emma Stone all eyeing the project too.

So, what is it? Well, here's the description from Variety: Set in the 1950s, "Punch" follows a girl who is confined to a mental institution by her stepfather, who intends to have her lobotomized in five days. While there, she imagines an alternative reality to hide her from the pain, and in that world, she begins planning her escape, needing to steal five objects to help get her out before she is deflowered by a vile man.

Sounds like it steals more than a bit from "Pan's Labyrinth," but I love movies about the imagination, especially when it's needed to survive. And Zack Snyder has already proven that he has a pretty wild one himself, and he promises he'll use it to fill "Sucker Punch" to create something like " 'Alice in Wonderland' with machine guns," so definitely stay tuned for more on this.

And finally today, a little catching up. No less than two of my co-workers asked me yesterday if I had seen the new trailer for McG's "Terminator Salvation," which will unspool in front of "Watchmen" (which I'll be watching in Imax!) this weekend. I had to admit I had not, but as you can see below, it does indeed - as they led me to believe - kick all kinds of ass. Enjoy, and have a perfectly passable Wednesday. Peace out.