Someone Is Going To Die

When "M*A*S*H" killed off Lt. Col. Henry Blake (McLean Stevenson) in the 1970s, you know when the cast and crew found out? Second before they filmed the scene in which the actual characters found out. So the director of the show was able to film the characters/actors reacting in shock to the news, which of course, stunned the viewers as well.

If "M*A*S*H" came out today, we'd have a rumor mill started by TV Guide that would say, "One of these characters is going to die. Take our poll to see which one it is." Then the promos on CBS would run, calling this the episode no one can miss.

I bring this up because it used to be, back in the old days, producers liked the shock value when they killed someone off suddenly. It's one thing if the character is already dying, such as Mark Greene on "ER" a few years ago, to promote the episode in which he dies. That's expected (and was beautifully shot; the show never reached as high a point since).

But these days, the "someone is going to die" promos have almost become cliche, and half the time the person getting killed off isn't one of the stars, but one of the recurring characters.

I don't know when the trend started (I think it might have been "Beverly Hills 90210" when they killed off that recurring friend of Brian Austin Green's) but I do know that the trend has been incessant.

Someone is scheduled to die on "Bones" (Fox, 8 p.m.) tonight, and we know it won't be Booth (David Boreanaz), who was shot last week. And since we know it won't be Bones (Emily Deschanel), it becomes a sort of Russian Roulette guessing game as to whom it will be.

And tomorrow night, someone will die on "NCIS," which ironically managed to keep a pretty good lid on things when they killed off Kate (Sasha Alexander) a few seasons ago. No one saw that coming. In last week's blog, I listed whom I didn't want to die, but it's a virtual guarantee one of those characters is gone because they've been throwing so many hints that it's going to be Jenny (Lauren Holly) that it almost can't possibly be her.

The point is, death in real life is supposed to be a shock most of the time, and especially in shows about crime, so why not go back to making it a shock by NOT PROMOTING IT OVER AND OVER? The quick answer: the producers are trying to lure lapsed viewers back to the show by promoting the big, stunning item and keeping viewers guessing with their own death pools.

MONDAY'S BEST BETS: Following "Bones," which has been something of a disappointment since its post-strike return, "House" (Fox, 9 p.m.) has to risk his life to save Amber, aka Cutthroat Bitch. I hope it's not a spoiler to say House won't die, what with the show being named after him and all.

CBS wraps up its comedy season with the final new episodes of "Big Bang Theory," "How I Met Your Mother," "2 1/2 Men" and "Rules of Engagement," beginning at 8 p.m. Since the network hasn't run a promo of a death, I'm guessing all of those sitcom characters are pretty safe. I'm not so sure about "CSI: Miami" at 10 p.m.

If they let the contestants fight to the death on "American Gladiators," (NBC, 8 p.m.) it might make the show more interesting and jack up the ratings, which were abysmal last week.

ABC is all reality tonight with "Dancing With The Stars" winding down its season while "The Bachelorette 4" kicks off.

Finally, I think it might just be people dying socially on "Gossip Girl" (CW, 9 p.m.) and "One Tree Hill" (CW, 9 p.m.), but really, is there anything worse?

2 1/2 CSIs

In the past, I've blogged about how much I love crossover episodes of two different TV series. Detectives from "Homicide: Life On The Street" would appear on "Law & Order" and so forth.

But tonight begins one of the weirdest TV crossovers ever. Tonight's episode of the hit sitcom "2 1/2 Men" (CBS, 9 p.m.) was written by a writing team from "CSI" and includes a guest starring appearance by "CSI" star George Eads as a crime scene investigator.

On Thursday, the "Men" writers return the favor by scripting this week's "CSI," about the murder of a difficult sitcom star (Katey Sagal). That episode is supposed to be full of in-jokes, since it was written by "Men" creator Chuck Lorre, who had a notoriously stormy relationship with Cybill Shepherd when he created her sitcom "Cybill" in the mid-90s.

It's certainly not a crossover that would have ever occurred to me. It's not like I watch either series, but I can't say the thought has ever popped up during a drama that said "Boy, this show would be much better if it was written by sitcom guys."

On the other hand, the switch could be a positive one for a couple of reasons. For one, shows that have been on the air for a while, even if they are hits, could use a shake-up from time to time, and bringing in different writers with a fresh perspective is one way to do that.

Another positive is that the writers themselves get to stretch their creative muscles for a bit by writing something completely different, including a different format.

My guess is that the "CSI" episode will work a little better, because comedy is one of the most difficult genres to write, and Lorre is bringing a lot of his own background into the "CSI" episode.

I'm wondering if both episodes do well, will CBS continue to switch around more writing staffs, and will other networks jump on the bandwagon? Perhaps the writers of "Numb3rs" could do an episode of "How I Met Your Mother," in which Barney uses complex mathematical algorithms to optimize picking up women, while the "Numb3rs" team from 30 years in the future recalls a case from 2008.

The possibilities are endless.

"MEN IN TREES" AXED: ABC won't be renewing "Men In Trees" for next season, TVGuide.com is reporting. The Anne Heche series jumped around the schedule a lot, making it difficult pick up an audience.

MONDAY'S BEST BETS: By the way, there are plenty of drama writers who can do comedy just fine, so I'm not dissing the "CSI" writers with tonight's "2 1/2 Men," which anchors new episodes of "Big Bang Theory" and "HIMYM," and is followed by "Rules of Engagement." Although I have to point out, "CSI" isn't as unintentionally funny as "CSI: Miami." (CBS, 10 p.m.)

For example, some of the best comedy writing of the season was done last week on "House" (Fox, 9 p.m.), as House and Cutthroat Bitch battled for custody of Wilson, who just hung around in the background helpless against the schemes of his best friend and his girlfriend. This week, House (Hugh Laurie) kidnaps his favorite soap star when he diagnoses him while watching an episode. It follows a new "Bones."

ABC sandwiches "Samantha Who?" (ABC, 9:30 p.m.) with "Dancing With The Stars" and "The Bachelor."

"Gossip Girl" (CW, 8 p.m.) has a character outed out of the closet. It's followed by "One Tree Hill" at 9 p.m.

'Shark' Swims Again

Tonight marks the return of the law drama "Shark" (CBS, 9 p.m.), a show fairly derivative of Fox's superior "House."

The main difference between the two shows is that the larger-than-life lead character, Sebastian Stark (James Woods), is a lawyer and has a teenaged daughter while House (Hugh Laurie) is a doctor and completely alone.

But both shows are structured essentially the same. Stark and his minions get a weekly case that seems unwinnable, only to have Stark pull a brilliant legal trick to win in the end. "Shark" isn't a bad show, but is a good example of the sort of formulaic hour-long crime dramas CBS is famous for.

One of main things I wish "Shark" would do more of is develop the supporting cast better. Though the supporting doctors on "House" don't get a whole lot to do, at least we care about them as people. In "Shark," we rarely get that with the lawyers working for Stark.

Tonight's episode, the first new one since the strike, picks up with Stark facing both criminal charges and losing his law license after helping cover up a murder for his client (Jonathan Banks) years earlier. But that character is a small fish, and a tough U.S. Attorney (Paula Marshall) is pushing Stark to help net Banks' sociopathic partner, who ordered the original murder to cover up a bigger crime.

It's a pretty strong episode and something of a roller coaster ride as we see Stark facing up to the worst mistake he's ever made and risking losing everything. Marshall, who is filling in for Jeri Ryan while Ryan is on maternity leave, has some good chemistry with Woods.

The worst moments for "Shark" for me are usually the ones with his daughter (Danielle Panabaker), who is written as so consistently whiny and annoying, it's hard to care about her. She continues that streak tonight.

I'm not sure if "Shark" has been officially renewed yet, so the ratings for the next few episodes in its new timeslot could be critical. A new episode of "NCIS" at 8 p.m. as a lead-in should help.

TUESDAY'S BEST BETS: Another crime drama that is testing a new timeslot and night for a ratings boost is "Women's Murder Club," (ABC, 10 p.m.) back with a new episode and new showrunners. This quirky little crime drama could get a big boost not only from switching away from the Friday night wasteland, but also following "Dancing With The Stars" at 9 p.m.

"Law & Order: SVU" (NBC, 10 p.m.) has guest star Robin Williams playing a character who does all sorts of crazy antics. Boy, never seen that before.

Fox's highly rated reality lineup of "American Idol" and "Hell's Kitchen" puts its contestants through the grinder once more.

On cable, "The Riches" (FX, 10 p.m.) is all new.

Finally, the documentary "Carrier" (PBS, 9 p.m.) continues tonight. It follows a rerun of "Nova," also about giant naval vessels, this one about the sinking of the Japanese supership the Yamamoto in 1945.

Back In The 'House'

OK, back from vacation and back in Macon. (Yes, I did post four times last week while on holiday, making me the coolest TV critic ever, especially since I don't get paid for this).

I guess karma is rewarding me with the first new episode of "House" (Fox, 9 p.m.) since the strike. This time, our favorite curmodgeon is stuck with a cheery patient.

It should be interesting to see how "House" fares on its new night after being a staple of Tuesdays. It helps to have the natural pairing of "Bones" (Fox, 8 p.m.) as a lead-in. As I've often written, both shows are natural complements of the other.

SUNDAY NIGHT SHOUT-OUT: After all this time, "The Simpsons" still manages to make me laugh. Thanks to Matt Groening & Co. for working the Bayeux Tapestry into the opening couch sequence. Well played, sir, well played.

MONDAY'S BEST BETS: One great thing about being in the sweeps period is that the networks pull out all of the stops. This period is especially important, because the last one in February was seriously affected by the strike. The networks use the ratings generating during sweeps to set ad prices, so it's the most critical time of the year in terms of revenue for the networks.

Maybe that's why "Deal Or No Deal" (NBC, 8 p.m.) is trotting out a "Star Wars" themed episode, which includes the 26 models dressed in the Princess Leia slave bikini from "Return of the Jedi." It's followed by a new "Medium" at 10 p.m.

CBS is all-new with its comedy lineup, plus "CSI: Miami" at 10 p.m.

"Gossip Girl" (CW, 8 p.m.) is new and features "Buffy" alum Michelle Trachtenberg, followed by "One Tree Hill."

Finally, the documentary "Carrier" (PBS, 9 p.m.) continues to feature life aboard a US Navy ship.

Ratings, Strike Updates

In case you missed it, Sunday's Super Bowl telecast was the second-highest rated TV event ever, behind only the 1983 telecast of the final episode of "M*A*S*H."

The Super Bowl drew in 97.4 million viewers, thanks in part to the Patriots' attempted run at perfection, and the post-Super Bowl episode of "House" drew 29 million viewers, its highest-rating ever. (In case you were wondering, "M*A*S*H" drew 106 million viewers and a record 77 share — meaning more than three-quarters of any TV set turned on that night was tuned to CBS.) Fox is rerunning that episode of "House," guest starring Mira Sorvino, on Feb. 15.

Of course, the TV landscape is different now than it was in 1983. There was no internet to contend with, and cable options were much more limited. Also, many fewer households had VCRs, so TV shows had to be watched live.

The strike has had a major impact on the networks, as ratings are down all over the place while we are in the middle of sweeps week (when networks use their ratings to set ad rates).

Meanwhile, TVGuide.com's Michael Ausiello has updates about the prospects of several shows returning this season or next, assuming a deal between the writers and the studios is hammered out in the next couple of weeks. (What will likely happen is that if the union approves the tentative deal this Saturday, the writers will return to work while the lawyers hammer out the final details.)

Some shows on the bubble: It looks as if we may get the final four episodes of "Scrubs," but Friday's installment of "Friday Night Lights" may be the last first-run episode — ever. That one you can blame on NBC president Ben Silverman, not the WGA strike.

For more about the fates of other shows, click here: http://www.tvguide.com/ask-ausiello.

WEDNESDAY'S BEST BETS: As part of Black History Month, PBS is airing the documentary "African American Lives" at 9 p.m.

There's a new episode of "Cashmere Mafia" (ABC, 10 p.m.) opposite a new "CSI: NY" (ABC, 10 p.m.)

Wall-to-wall Coverage

One way to get past the writers' strike - saturate the night with election coverage.

That's ABC's plan at least, as the network kicks off Super Tuesday coverage at 8 p.m. and goes the rest of the night with it.

I've never been a huge fan of election coverage in general. After all, how much can you really debate over a set of numbers? Things don't really get interesting until the candidates make their speeches, and with this being Super Tuesday, you may get a couple of concession speeches tonight.

The bad thing, though, is that when the networks predict a victory so early for a candidate in the East Coast states, it may influence votes on the West Coast. Some voters out in California may not bother to vote if a candidate has a strong run in the east.

Anyway, do you civic duty and go out and vote.

TUESDAY'S BEST BETS: If you aren't into heavy media coverage of the election, Fox is giving you a couple of options. "American Idol" (Fox, 8 p.m.) is having its auditions tonight in Atlanta, so local viewers may catch someone they know seeking their 15 minutes of fame. It's followed by the last first-run episode of "House," featuring the return of Cutthroat Bitch.

I believe "One Tree Hill" (CW, 9 p.m.) is also new, making election coverage look more attractive.

Recapping The Super Bowl, The Strike And The Captain

Well, the best news of the weekend came out of Hollywood, where there looks like there might be some settlement to the writers' strike. Word on the street is that something could be hammered out by as early as this week, which means many shows may be back in production by the end of the month.

What that means in terms of how many episodes of each series we'll get and which shows will return is still up in the air. You can be sure the networks will try to get as many episodes of the big hits like "Grey's Anatomy" and "CSI" as possible, but other shows may not fare as well. For example, "Pushing Daisies" has likely wrapped up its brilliant first season already.

Meanwhile, no real complaints about the Super Bowl last night, except that we will be subjected to the '72 Dolphins for a while longer now that the Patriots lost.

And who the hell was operating the clock last night? Was that the Fox graphics department screwing up all night, or was that the stadium scoreboard which was screwing up? Either way, the constant misfiring on the clock was a distraction all night, and set up that last-second weirdness of everyone having to trot back on the field after the game was over.

Of course, as a friend of mine told me, she was eager to watch the series of Super Bowl commercials which were constantly being broken up by spurts of football. As for the commercials, Pepsi/Diet Pepsi came out strong, as did Bridgestone. Budweiser always does a good job, and I liked the "Godfather" parody. But boy, were there ever commercials that came off as more racist than those done by salesgenie.com?

The "House" episode afterward was great, especially the guest turn by Mira Sorvino, and I love the way the producers have brought back Cutthroat Bitch.

MONDAY'S BEST BETS: So, I watched the pilot for "The Captain," (CBS, 8:30 p.m.) and I realized The Telegraph doesn't pay me enough for this job. Watching it in unison with the return of the always-entertaining "Old Christine" (CBS, 9:30 p.m.) makes me wonder who makes the programming decisions at the network. The former is completely devoid of humor and is drowned out by this incessant rock music track; the latter features an Emmy-worthy performance by the brilliant Julia Louis-Dreyfus.

"The Captain" is about a burnt out writer who moves into his friend's apartment building, where he meets the requisite cast of weird characters. It's utterly predictable and seriously devoid of funny. Save yourselves a half-hour of wasted time. (CBS said this was the revised pilot; I can't imagine how the original pilot could have possibly been less funny.)

"Prison Break" (Fox, 8 p.m.), coming off a brilliant promotional spot during the Super Bowl, is back as the gang tries to escape yet another prison. It's followed by a new "Terminator: Sarah Conner Chronicles" at 9 p.m.

"Dance War" (ABC, 8 p.m.) is back, as is extended versions of "American Gladiators" (NBC, 8 p.m.) and "Deal Or No Deal" (NBC, 9:30 p.m.) On cable, "Kyle XY" (ABC Family, 8 p.m.) is new.

Frakkin' Crazy Cuckoos

The initials for the above title? FCC.

In case you haven't heard, the FCC is proposing a $1.4 million fine aganst ABC and 52 of its affiliates for a nude scene during an episode of "NYPD Blue" - from five years ago.

The episode involved a nude scene from then-series regular Charlotte Ross, whose character was about to take a shower when Andy Sipowicz's young son, Theo, walks in on her. The FCC is objecting to what it characterizes as "panning down her naked back for a lingering shot of her buttocks." The images of Ross’ backside constitute "explicit and graphic depictions of sexual organs" and are "titillating and shocking," according to zap2it.com.

First off, someone needs to give the FCC an anatomy lesson as to where the sexual organs on a woman are, because in reality, that, um, area, wasn't shown. Second, while a lot of the lovely Ms. Ross was shown, it wasn't really any more than what other episodes of what "NYPD Blue" showed in the past.

But finally, I'm glad the FCC was so on the ball that it waited FIVE YEARS to pursue this action. Their statement?

"Our action today should serve as a reminder to all broadcasters that Congress and American families continue to be concerned about protecting children from harmful material and that the FCC will enforce the laws of the land vigilantly," Commissioner Deborah Taylor Tate said in a statement released by the FCC.

FIVE YEARS! Real vigilant.

Next up for the FCC? Who knows? I think someone objected to something that ran on "I Love Lucy" that the FCC is probably all over.

STRIKE UPDATE: The 50th anniversary of the Grammys will go on, with the show getting a waiver from the Writers Guild to continue. Still no word as to the fate of the Oscars, which producers have vowed will go on in some format.

TUESDAY'S BEST BETS: Hey, what do you know? It's my birthday tomorrow and not only am I getting the return of "Lost" this week, but the first of three all-new episodes of "House" (Fox, 9 p.m.) beginning tonight. Tonight's episode, after "American Idol," features Janel Maloney ("The West Wing") as its newest patient.

ABC has new episodes of "According To Jim" and "Carpoolers" beginning at 9 p.m., which is a great way of getting people excited for the return of "Lost," I suppose.

Finally, the new HBO series "In Treatment" (HBO, 9:30 p.m.) continues tonight as it does every weeknight for the next several weeks.

More Strike Fallout

My brother asked me a relatively complex question last night: If I were Jay Leno, how would I have handled the current WGA situation?

It's a fair question. Leno has essentially been forced to return to work on "The Tonight Show," with NBC threatening to fire the below-the-line talent (the cameramen, the sound guys, etc.) if he didn't. But doing so means cross the Writers' Guild picket lines and producing a less-than-stellar product, since he has no writers and much of Hollywood's A-list stars are boycotting the talk shows that haven't worked out a deal with the WGA.

Leno, who has been pretty vocal in his support of the union, made headlines yesterday when it was announced that he and fellow late-night host Jimmy Kimmel will be appearing as guests on each other's show Thursday night. (Kimmel has been far less supporting of the union.)

It's difficult to answer as to what Leno should have done. By staying off the air, he strengthens the union's position but puts a lot of people out of work. By going on the air, he keeps the show going, but undermines the union's position - the more shows returning to the air without the WGA's waiver, the weaker the WGA's bargaining position is.

Fellow late night host David Letterman owns his own production company, Worldwide Pants, which produces both "The Late Show" and "The Late, Late Show" with Craig Ferguson. Worldwide Pants struck a deal last week with the WGA that allows both shows to go back to work with full writing staffs, meaning both shows not only return to the air at full strength, but are in prime position to get the biggest names in show business as their guests.

So what would I have done in Leno's position? I'd have sat down with the union and explained the dilemma. I'd have said that my hand was being forced and I had to return to work. But what I would have done would have been to make WGA president Patric Verrone my first guest and said he had the whole first segment of the first show back to defend the union's position - essentially 10 or 15 minutes of free air time on TV's No. 1-rated talk show to plead his side's cause.

Maybe the network wouldn't have gone for this, and perhaps the union wouldn't either, but that might have been a compromise to offer.

All I know is that there really are no winners in this clash - not the viewers, not the WGA, not the networks even, since they risk devaluing their own products by putting them out there with no writers and few guests to choose from.

Meanwhile, it was made official yesterday when the Golden Globes awards show was cancelled. Instead, there will be a one-hour news conference that will announce the winners and allow them to speak with the media. On the one hand, we really don't need another awards show, and as I've pointed out here numerous times, the Foreign Press Association makes some pretty lame picks anyway.

On the other hand, the Globes are pretty prestigious, and if you win one, this might be the only time in your life you ever do. It might be nice to put on a tux or a gown and receive your statuette in front of 20 million people.

No word yet on how talks between the WGA and the producers for the Oscars are progressing.

RETURNING TO WORK: Two of TV's biggest hostesses returned to work Monday after maternity leave. Elisabeth Hasselbeck is back on "The View," while Macon's own Nancy Grace is back on her CNN Headline News program.

TUESDAY'S BEST BETS: Last spring, the CW was floated an idea about advancing the plots of two of its series ahead four years in time as a means of avoiding cancellation. One series was the highly acclaimed "Veronica Mars." The other was the teen soap opera "One Tree Hill." Guess which one the CW decided to keep?

"One Tree Hill" airs two new episodes tonight, including the season premiere which finds Chad Michael Murray & Co. out of high school and moving on with their lives. Meanwhile, the cool mini-episode of "Veronica Mars," which found our plucky heroine as a rookie FBI agent, is condemned to float for eternity around the Internet.

OK, folks, fair warning: CBS continues to plug new episodes of its shows only to yank them for reruns at the last minute. So tonight's "NCIS" (CBS, 8 p.m.) is supposed to be a new one; whether it is or not remains to be seen. It's followed by the most ridiculous awards in show business, the People's Choice Awards, which are quite literally a popularity contest and nothing more.

ABC is all-new with "According To Jim" at 9 p.m., followed by "Carpoolers" and "Boston Legal," proof that the writers need to return to work pretty darn quick.

NBC is kicking off its newest edition of "The Biggest Loser" at 8 p.m., still for me TV's most offensive show, followed by a new "Law & Order: SVU" at 10 p.m.

The pick of the night, as always, is "Life On Mars" (BBC America, 9 p.m.)

And finally, if you missed them the first time around, now is the time to catch up with some hit shows you may have heard about. Fox is re-airing the pilots of "Bones" and "House" at 8 and 9 p.m., respectively, so now is your chance to catch them.

The Glass Is Half-Full These Days

On the heels of the announcement that arguably the worst new show of the season, "Viva Laughlin," has been axed is the even better news that TV's arguably best new show, "Pushing Daisies" (ABC, 8 p.m.) has earned a full season's worth of episodes.

It's nice to see originality, when it's done right, rewarded. Some people have criticized "Pushing Daisies" for being too cute, but for me, I love the fairy-tale whimsical nature of the show. And actors Lee Pace, Chi McBride, Kristen Chenowith and Anna Friel are pitch perfect in their roles on the show.

In even better news, "How I Met Your Mother" actually has shown a slight ratings increase this season, getting an extra 600,000 or so last week. Hey, every little bit helps.

So, my mood remains optimistic for another week, until the writers strike ....

TUESDAY RECAP: "Damages" ended with a bit of a whimper rather than a bang (Ted Danson's fate not withstanding), and if this show doesn't get renewed I won't be too emotional.

On the other hand, between John Francis Daley last night and Stephen Fry last season, Booth (David Boreanaz) should be in therapy every week on "Bones." I think Daley has signed for a few episodes, so Booth's mental health woes should continue to delight fans of the series, especially with Bones (Emily Deschanel) now joining him.

And I continue to love the job interview process on "House," especially the candidates known as "13" and "Back-stabbing bitch." But I am going to miss "Bosley," unfortunately. After its clever takes on "The Bachelor," "Survivor" and "Charlie's Angels," which show will "House" producers mock next?

WEDNESDAY'S BEST BETS: I've seen ads for "Phenomenon" (NBC, 8 p.m.) running on the network for the past few weeks, but I really have no idea what this show is about. Uri Geller and Criss Angel are the hosts, and I think it's something like "American Idol" for magicians, but other than that, I really don't know what to tell you. It's followed by new installments of "Bionic Woman" and "Life."

My boy Josh Beckett takes the mound against Jeff Francis as the Boston Red Sox play host to the Colorado Rockies in Game 1 of the World Series (Fox, 8 p.m.) I'm not really a Red Sox fan, but Beckett is the only guy on my fantasy team that is actually good, and he's amazing during the postseason.

"Private Practice" (ABC, 9 p.m.) and "Dirty Sexy Money" (ABC, 10 p.m.) follow "Pushing Daisies."

It's not like I watch any of the "CSIs" any way, but man, do the ads for tonight's "CSI: NY" (CBS, 10 p.m.) - about murder during an online role-playing game - look corny. I'm trying really hard to remember that Gary Sinise is one of the finest actors of his generation, but that's difficult when they have him shouting into the camera saying "Get out!" to an online game player. It follows "Criminal Minds," (CBS, 9 p.m.), which is in the process of introducing another great actor, Joe Mantegna, as Mandy Patinkin's replacement. Let's get these stars material worthy of them!

Some More Reviewing

Two shows I usually enjoy have come stumbling out of the gates this season rather than flying.

Two episodes into the post-Don Bellisario era and "NCIS" (CBS, 8 p.m.) has yet to find its legs. I usually find "NCIS" to be one of the more enjoyable of CBS' long list of procedurals because the show has a good sense of humor and doesn't take itself too seriously.

But so far, the series has come out flat. I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that the season premiere, involving guest star Armand Assante's arms dealer, was a big letdown after a year-long buildup. It just seemed as though the writers got tired of the storyline and looked for the quickest way to end it. Maybe that had something to do with Bellisario leaving "NCIS" as the producer, I don't know, but it seemed to be a big waste of time for the fans.

I have higher hopes for tonight's episode, in which Gibbs (Mark Harmon) not only has to deal with his ex-wife, but also his ex-girlfriend and current girlfriend.

"Bones" (Fox, 8 p.m.) hasn't been much better. I think the producers made a mis-step in returning lab geek Zack back so early after shipping him off to Iraq at the end of last season, because returning him the next episode essentially really took away from the impact of his return - he wasn't gone long enough for the viewers to miss him. Plus, the producers could have really milked a long line of new lab techs for Bones (Emily Deschanel) to drive crazy, rather than just mention it as a throwaway line. And the chemistry between Bones and Booth (David Boreanaz) hasn't lived up to past seasons.

But all is not lost among returning shows. "House" (Fox, 9 p.m.) was pretty uneven last season when it came to storytelling, but has started off very strong with the extended subplot of trying to pick a new team. The new actors (Kal Penn, Olivia Wilde, et al) have been strong additions and we get to see House (Hugh Laurie) at his eccentric best.

MONDAY RECAP: I thought "How I Met Your Mother" reached slap bet/Robin Sparkles last night with Ted's "tricycle" scenario (not to spoil things for the DVR crowd). The feeling that this was the funniest 30 minutes of the new season lasted all of five minutes, as "Aliens In America" managed to be even funnier. This is easily TV's best new sitcom.

Though I've stopped watching it, "Prison Break" had a major event last night. You can read more about it with TVGuide.com's Michael Ausiello here: (warning - major spoilers) http://community.tvguide.com/blog-entry/TVGuide-Editors-Blog/Ausiello-Report/Prison-Break-Exclusive/800024014.

TUESDAY'S BEST BETS: Proof positive that there's no such thing as bad publicity, both "Cavemen" (ABC, 8 p.m.) and "Carpoolers" scored very solid numbers in their debut last week. How the same network suits that greenlighted "Pushing Daisies" also gave the thumbs up to these shows is one of life's great mysteries. It's followed by "Dancing With the Stars," in which teen superstar Miley Cyrus performs with her dad, Billy Ray, while a new "Boston Legal" is at 10 p.m.

I gave up on "The Unit" (CBS, 9 p.m.) a long time ago, but I did notice in the most recent ads that star Dennis Haysbert has gone back to the Pedro Cerrano look. It's followed by a new "Cane."

After two hours of so-called reality programming, NBC delivers a new "Law & Order: SVU" at 10 p.m.

"Damages" (FX, 10 p.m.) continues to fall in the ratings, but word on the street is that it will be picked up for a second season. If they do, hopefully FX will take the time to fix the sound on the episode, since it was totally screwed up over the final 15 minutes of last week's installment when I tried watching it twice last week. But hey, I'm sure nothing important happened.

Part 2 of the HBO/BBC miniseries, "Five Days" (HBO, 8 p.m.) airs tonight.

Finally, "The War" may be over on PBS, but cool programming isn't. I definitely will be checking out "NOVA" (PBS, 8 p.m.) tonight, which deals with the making of Samurai swords. (Hey, we all have our interests and hobbies). In addition, the famous British documentary that follows the same group of people every seven years of their lives continues tonight with "49 Up" at 10 p.m.

Writers' Strike Imminent?

Over the past few days, the Writers Guild of America sent out letters and e-mails to its membership asking for authorization for a potential strike, tentatively scheduled to begin Nov. 1.

With the contract between the WGA and the studios due to end Oct. 31, there are huge issues dividing the two parties, most notably, new media platforms and compensation. In other words, how much of the $1.99 does the writer get when you download a TV show or movie off iTunes?

It's a question that isn't going away, and with the actors' and directors' guilds contracts due to end next year, Hollywood hasn't heard the last of this issue no matter how the WGA deal shakes out.

So, why am I telling you all this? Originally, it was assumed that the WGA would wait to hold their strike until next June, to go in conjuction with the other two guilds. For the studios, it gave them more breathing room - by then, the TV seasons would be complete and they would have an extra eight months to stockpile movie scripts and get more projects in the can.

But now with only a window of a month to settle the dispute, movie projects all over Hollywood may be shut down and the networks are going to have to scramble to fill in programming, since most TV series will only have no more than a dozen episodes (probably less) in the can before a strike. Shows like "Heroes," which had planned on going the entire season without airing reruns, may now be forced to reconsider those plans. And the schedule will likely be full of reality style programming (another issue as the WGA wants those producers subject to WGA rules).

For the average TV and movie viewer, it's looming to be a gloomy holiday season, and the two sides seem far enough apart that this won't be resolved easily.

TUESDAY'S BEST BETS: Our motto at the TVGuy should be "We watch awful TV so you don't have to." (No thanks necessary, but I do accept tips.)

ABC, which hasn't had a good half-hour comedy in a long while, launches two more tonight that will likely extend that streak. The much publicized "Cavemen," based on the Geico commercials, debuts tonight (ABC, 8 p.m.) followed by "Carpoolers" at 8:30 p.m.

"Cavemen" wasn't sent out in advance to critics, never a good sign, and the original pilot was so panned that it had to be entirely reshot. As a result, the series takes place in San Diego instead of Atlanta, the original setting.

"Carpoolers" stars Jerry O'Connell as part of a quartet of guys who share a ride to work each day. It's supposed to be a buddy series about male bonding, but it falls completely flat. The humor is lame and the situations these guys find themselves in border on the ridiculous. Between "Carpoolers" and "Big Shots," ABC really ought to stay out of the male bonding genre — they really suck at it.

Those shows are followed by ratings juggernaut "Dancing With The Stars" and Emmy favorite "Boston Legal."

Fortunately, you the viewer has plenty of good options tonight. Fox has the best lineup with new episodes of "Bones" at 8 p.m. and "House" at 9 p.m., as our favorite curmudgeonly physician puts 40 candidates through the job interview from hell.

"NCIS" (CBS, 8 p.m.) wrapped up its season arc from last year a little too neatly for my taste, considering we won't be seeing any more of Armand Assante's guns dealer after a year's worth of buildup. It's followed by "The Unit" and "Cane."

Perhaps gearing up for the writers' strike, NBC has a 90-minute "Biggest Loser" beginning at 8 p.m. followed by "The Singing Bee" before it finally airs a dramatic show in "Law& Order: SVU" at 10 p.m.

Hopefully, you caught the pilot last week to one of TV's best new shows in "Reaper" (CW, 9 p.m.), but if you didn't, it's not too late to catch up with it now.

Finally, last, but certainly not least, Ken Burns' "The War" (PBS, 8 p.m.) continues tonight with victory in Europe and the death of FDR.