One Year Later

I was standing at the Crossroads.  I was cloaking my question in general terms, but my question was about my life, my marriage.  One year later, here I am experiencing a very different life in a new city, with family and friends embracing me and holding me up.

I didn't feel I was living authentically, and I didn't quite know how to change that.

I had a dream: to live a more fulfilling life, a life where I was wanted and loved and appreciated.  A life that was free of the chaos I had found myself in -- free to be me and to ask for what I want.  It was possible, I knew, but could I pull myself out of my mental and emotional quick-sand and make it happen?  Yes!  It was a long process, and it was far from easy, but, Yes!

I have found that happy existence now: I can join friends for dinner at the drop of a hat and share good food and conversation -- just a short walk from my home.  I am delighted every day by the places I see, the people I meet, the friends and family I spend my time with.  I can have family stop by unannounced and stay for dinner.

There is nothing earth-shattering about this.  I'm am a soon-to-be grandma who just wants to enjoy her life and learn to knit a decent baby blanket!  I want to read, and see movies, and cook good food.  Take long walks.  Sit in the park.  The bare necessities.  And I want to do all this in the context of good health - mental, spiritual, physical.

I want to enjoy a live baseball game, and blog, and play with my photographs.  I want to drive up into the hills and visit my friends at their forest paradise.  I walk the streets of my neighborhood and soak up all the new visuals, sounds and smells.  Roses in this town are ubiquitous and so very fragrant.  Beautiful Victorian Ladies grace the streets alongside California Bungalows.  Then you turn a corner and there's a gleaming aluminum state office building with 'the suits' standing outside for their cigarette break.

Oh what a difference a year can make.  Change can be very very good.  And it's never too late.  Never.  Ever.  Carpe Diem, my friends.  Like the blog subtitle says, Wake Up! Life is transient, swiftly passing. Be aware the great matter. Don't waste time.

Life Altering

First there was the moving of the belongings into a storage facility for six months or so.  From Santa Cruz to Sacramento -- the longest move I've made in my adult life.

Prior to the movers arriving, I shed a few tears with the realization that, indeed, this was not a dream and that big changes have occurred.  Not un-welcomed changes - but not welcomed either.  Necessary.

Then, back to the Santa Cruz Mountains for my daughter's baby shower.  My first co-ed baby shower, and it was great having the guys there, having the father-to-be and all his buddies.  The times, they are a'changing.

After the shower, I joined the parents for their visit to the midwife.  I'm so very glad I went -- my fears were put to rest.  This is a mature, expert midwife who knows her stuff.  She is also cautious and more than happy to pack her patient off to hospital if there is even a hint of complication.  Her manner is calm and full of wisdom, and she will be a welcomed asset at the home birth.

When she asked us to listen to the baby's heartbeat, well, tears welled up uncontrollably in my eyes.  Quite unexpected, but everyone looked at me with love and understanding, and let me have my emotional moment.  The whoosh whoosh whoosh of that tiny heartbeat made an energy beeline to my own heart, and at that moment I realized I was falling in love.

New beginnings.  A hopeful time.  A time filled with tender bursting hearts, and a gratefulness that is unsurpassed.  Can you imagine?