Special Teaser for Visions from the Vault: The Dark Poetry of H.P. Lovecraft!

I'm quite passionate about H.P. Lovecraft, and have recently also become quite passionate about public reading. So when Ashley Drewes of the amazing Sugartown Vintage Boutique in Saugerties, New York offered me the opportunity to combine the two, it was kind of a no-brainer. And so was born, Visions from the Vault: The Dark Poetry of H.P. Lovecraft!

Lovecraft is known first and foremost as a prose writer, so I figured it might be interesting to spotlight some of his verse--not to mention more digestible for the attention-span challenged and HPL newbies. I've got an eclectic lineup of Lovecraft poems I'm looking to read come Saturday, April 9 at Sugartown, and the Captain and I are anxious for any opportunity to return to the lovely land of Saugerties, anyway.

In the meantime, as you await the event with bated breath, take a listen to this little promo Ashley and I put together. You might say I was channeling my inner Vincent Price just a bit...

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Zombie Love Songs: I Want to Eat Your Hand

Ah, Valentine's Day is nearly upon us again! And unlike those woeful souls who choose to bemoan this holiday each and every year, here in the Vault, we celebrate it. Of course, we celebrate in a very unique way, because that's just how we roll.

In this case, we'll be cherishing the V-Day time of year by posting some fine selections from Michael P. Spradlin's latest poetry collection, Every Zombie Eats Somebody Sometime: A Book of Zombie Love Songs. This little tome was bestowed to me by a certain Captain of the undead not too long ago, and it's been a constant source of amusement since--so now I'm sharing it with you.

You may recall Spradlin's work from the zombie carols we ran here in the Vault during the 2009 Christmas season, and I assure you, these are just as entertaining. So cuddle close to the one you love and enjoy some brain-munching ballads...

I Want to Eat Your Hand

Oh yeah, I've turned into something,
You just won't understand.
When I say you're delicious
I want to eat your hand,
I want to eat your hand,
I want to eat your hand.

Oh please, say I'm a zombie,
I'm eating your brain pan,
And please, don't slay me
You'll let me eat your hand.
Now let me eat your hand,
I want to eat your hand.

And when I eat brains I feel happy inside.
It's such a feeling that my gore
You can't hide, you can't hide, you can't hide.

Yeah, you've got that large brain,
I think you won't understand.
When I'll say I'm so hungry
I want to eat your hand,
I want to eat your hand,
I want to eat your hand...

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Merry Christmas from The Vault of Horror! The Big Zombie Carols Finale!

One last drool-tide song for all you zombie carolers out there...

I'm Dreaming of an Undead Christmas

I'm dreaming of an undead Christmas,
With the virus all aglow.
Where the brainpans glisten,
And humans listen
To hear zombies tromping through
the snow.

I'm dreaming of an undead Christmas
With every human being I bite.
May your days be scary with fright,
And may all your Christmas brains taste right.

There you have it folks, no doubt Bing and Irving Berlin are rolling over in their graves as we speak--let's just hope they're not leaving them! All awful puns aside, I'd like to wish everyone a blessed Christmas this year, hopefully Santa brought you everything you wanted. I also hope you've enjoyed the cavalcade of zombie carols, taken with permission from Michael P. Spradlin's uproariously funny It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies. And if you click the cover below, it'll take you to a collection of all the zombie carols featured here in the Vault...


P.S. If the traditional version of this song is more your speed, dear Vault Dwellers, feel free to visit my music blog, Standard of the Day!

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Zombie Carol of the Day: The Zombie Christmas Song

Fresh brains roasting on an
open fire,
Zombies chewing off your nose--
It all began when they ate the
whole choir.
They're even eating Eskimos.

Everybody knows a legbone
and someone's toes,
Make a zombie's season bright.
Tiny tots, with their eyes in
a bowl,
Will find it hard to see tonight.

We know Zombie Santa's
on his way;
He's eaten lots of boys and girls
in his sleigh,
And every mother's child
is going to spy
To see if zombie reindeer really
know how to fly.

And so, I'm running to get
out of here
Before the zombies eat me too.
Although it's been said about
the undead,
If you don't run, they will
feast on you.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Zombie Yells

Bleeding from the nose,
There's one horse left to slay,
O'er the fields we go,
Feasting all the way.

Bells on bobtails ring,
Make undead spirits bright.
What fun it is to chew and sing
An eating song tonight!

Oh, zombie yells, zombie yells,
Howling all the way.
What fun it is to ride
In an undead open sleigh!

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Nothing Like Brains for the Holidays

Oh there's nothing like brains
for the holidays!
No matter how far away you roam,
When you're hungry for the taste
Of someone else's face,
For the holidays, you can't beat
Brains, sweet brains!

I ate a man who lived in Tennessee,
And he was headed for
Pennsylvania to go eat his
mother's eye.
From Pennsylvania folks are traveling
Down to Dixie's sunny shore.
From Atlantic to Pacific,
Gee, the cerebrum tastes terrific!

Oh there's nothing like brains
for the holidays!
'Cause no matter how much your
own mouth foams,
If you want to be happy in a
million ways,
For the holidays,
You can't beat brains, sweet brains.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: I'll Be Undead for Christmas

I'll be undead for Christmas,
Eating more than I usually do,
And although I know
It's a long road home,
I'll be fueled by goo.

Christmas Eve will find me
Wherever brains will be.
I'll be undead for Christmas,
When I hear your screams.

I'll be undead this Christmas--
Yes the virus, it got me.
Tramp through the snow,
To eat some toes
And brains under the tree.

Christmas Eve will find me
Wherever brains will be.
I'll be undead for Christmas,
When I hear your screams.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Eat a Toe

Oh, the virus outside is spreadin',
And there's more and more
undeadin',
But when fresh brains are
running low,
Eat a Toe! Eat a toe! Eat a toe!

The zombie 'pocalypse ain't stopping--
Listen, hear the eyeballs a-popping,
But fresh brains are running low,
Eat a toe! Eat a toe! Eat a toe!

The humans put up a good fight,
But lost to the zombie swarm!
So if you'll really let me turn,
I'll eat my own sister's arm!

Civilization is slowly dying,
And, humans, we're still good-bying,
But zombies already ate your nose,
Eat a toe! Eat a toe! Eat a toe!

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies

It's beginning to look a lot
like zombies,
Everywhere you go.
They're in the five and ten,
Eating brains once again,
Faces smeared with blood
and all aglow!

It's beginning to look a lot
like zombies,
They're in every store!
But the scariest sight to see
Is the zombies that will be
At your own front door.

There's no need for boots,
Or a pistol that shoots,
Just the brains of Barney
and Ben.
Zombies will stalk
When you go for a walk,
And they'll eat Janice and Jen.
And Mom and Dad, already turned,
Are eating brains again.

It's beginning to look a lot
like zombies,
Everywhere you go.
They've stormed the Grand Hotel,
And filled the park as well.
They're hungry and they sure don't
mind the snow!

It's beginning to look a lot
like zombies,
Blood splattered on the floor!
But the scariest sight to see
Is the zombies that will be
At your own front door!

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Deck the Halls with Parts of Wally

Deck the halls with parts of Wally,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
'Tis the season for brains, by golly,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Chew we now our friend's gray matter,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
Wear old clothes, cause fresh brains splatter,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

See the blazing town before us,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Let's go in and eat the chorus,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.
Follow me, we eat with leisure,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la.
A fresh brain for our Yuletide pleasure,
Fa la la la la, la la la la.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Silver Brains

City sidewalks,
Busy sidewalks,
Simply teeming with brains!
In the air
There's a new
Zombie virus.

Undead laughing,
Brains they're passing,
Eating mile after mile,
And on ev'ry street corner,
You'll hear:

Silver Brains! Silver Brains!
It's undead party time
In the city.
Do our thing,
Hear them scream!
The Zombie will carry the day!

All the streetlights,
Even stoplights,
No longer blink red and green
As the shoppers
Become barricaders!

Hear the bones crunch,
See the kids munch,
Even on Santa we feed.
And above all the gristle,
You'll hear:

Let's eat brains,
Silver Brains!
It's undead party time
In the city.
Do our thing,
Hear them scream!
Soon it will be Christmas day.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Let's Feast on Merry Gentlemen

Let's feast on merry gentlemen;
There'll be arterial spray.
Remember, eat your vegetables
With brains on Christmas day.
You can't be saved from zombies' power;
Undead have gone astray.
Eating brains brings us comfort and joy,
Comfort and joy,
O, eating brains brings us comfort and joy.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Have Yourself a Medulla Oblongata

Have yourself a medulla oblongata!
Let's eat something light.
Have you tried,
The hippocampus? It's out of sight!

Have yourself a medulla oblongata!
Make the Yuletide gray,
From now on,
We'll just eat frontal lobes all day.

Here we are as in undead days,
Happy golden days of gore.
Flesh and brains are what's dear to us,
So let's eat some up, once more.

Through the screams,
We all will eat together,
If the brains allow,
Hang a hypothalamus upon the highest bough,
And have yourself a medulla oblongata now.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Rudolph, The Zombie Reindeer

He ate Dasher, then Dancer,
Then Prancer and Vixen.
He downed Comet and Cupid
And Donner and Blitzen.
Yes, he ate them all,
The most famous undead reindeer
of all...

Rudolph, the zombie reindeer
Caught the virus through his nose.
And if you ever saw him,
You would even say he's gross.

All of the other reindeer
Tried real hard to get away.
But they didn't count on Rudolph
Eating them anyway.

Then one foggy Christmas Eve,
Santa came to say:
"Rudolph, with your zombie blight,
Who's gonna pull my sleigh tonight?"

Rudolph instead just ate him,
Munching Santa's brain with glee.
Rudolph, the zombie reindeer,
You changed Christmas history!

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Zombies on the Housetop

Up on the housetop,
Zombies pause,
Eating poor old Santa Claus.
Down through the chimney
Come Santa's parts.
Once a zombie bites--
Ouch, that smarts!

Ho, Ho, Ho, better not go.
Ho, Ho, Ho, better not go.
Up on the housetop,
Snack, snack, snack.
Down through the chimney
Comes Santa's back.

First comes the corpse
Of little Nell,
Oh, those zombies
Bit it well.
Forget about a dolly
That laughs and cries--
Zombies die first,
Then open their eyes.

Chorus

Next the undead are
Stalking little Will.
Oh, just see,
He's a glorious meal.
We use a hammer
And lots of tacks,
And he has a brain
And a spine that cracks.

Chorus

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: I Saw Mommy Chewing Santa Claus

I saw Mommy chewing Santa Claus,
Underneath the Christmas tree last night.
I snuck up without a peep
Behind Mommy, the zombie creep,
Now she's biting off Santa Claus's cheek.

When I saw Mommy chewing Santa Claus
Underneath his beard now turning red,
Oh what a laugh we would've said,
If Daddy weren't already dead,
While Mommy chewed on Santa Claus last night.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Undead Christmas

I'll have an undead Christmas
Without you.
I'll be so undead,
And not thinking about you.

Hanging lots of red brains
On a green Christmas tree,
Won't mean a thing
If you're not undead with me.

I'll have an undead Christmas,
That's certain.
And when that zombie bites me,
I'm hurtin'.

You'll be running all night,
From every zombie in sight,
And I'll have an undead,
Undead Christmas.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: Zombie Wonderland

Undead moan, are you listening?
In the lane, blood is glistening.
A horrible sight,
We're screaming tonight,
Runnin' through a zombie wonderland.

Already turned, is your neighbor!
Zombies here, I belabor.
They moan their own song,
As we scream along,
Sprintin' through a zombie wonderland.

In the meadow we can beg for mercy.
They've already eaten Parson Brown.
They'll come for us next
And we'll say, "No, man!"
We're getting the hell out of this town.

Later on, we'll perspire,
As we scream, by the fire.
I'll say we're afraid
Of the zombies they've made,
Runnin' through a zombie wonderland.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: We Three Spleens

We three spleens,
You know where we are:
Two in the kitchen,
And one in the car.
We are still eating,
People are fleeing,
Let's eat the one in the car.

O-oooh, spleens of wonder,
They taste right.
We could eat spleens
All day and night.
We're still eating,
People screaming,
Let's eat until the first light.

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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Zombie Carol of the Day: A Jolly Zombie Christmas

Have a jolly Zombie Christmas;
Time to eat somebody's ear.
I don't know if we'll eat toes,
But they'll still scream in fear.

Have a jolly Zombie Christmas,
And when they run down the street,
Say hello to friends you know
And bite ev'ryone you meet.

Oh, ho, there's poor Joe,
Hung where you can see.
Somebody waits for you;
Bite her once for me.

Have a jolly Zombie Christmas,
And in case you lose your ears,
Oh, by golly,
Have a jolly Zombie Christmas this year!

(Taken with permission from the pages of Michael P. Spradlin's It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Zombies! A Book of Zombie Christmas Carols.)

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