One Orbit of the Sun Completed!

MIRANDA IS ONE YEAR OLD!!!

Really find that hard to believe! This time last year, I was just allowed out of hospital, and we wrapped her up in her minute car seat for the first ever trip home. She was very slightly orange (jaundiced) and had loads of spikey dark hair.
One year on, and she is currently rocking about on a large wooden snail, (thanks to Aunty Tattoo-Jo), swigging orange juice from her bottle, and singing "doobu-doobu-doobu ayaayuu" to herself in the play corner in my cafe (which also didn't exist a year ago!). She is very much a little person now, but even so, this year has just flown by.

Miri is more or less blond now, her hair seems to lighten in the sun just like her Dad's does. She is 74cm tall (at least, she was last time she kept still long enough to measure!), weighs just under 12kg, has size 5 feet (!!!) and four teeth.

Development-wise, she is walking!!!!! Well almost. We know she can do it, and we even have video evidence of this, but she still prefers not to because she is still quite wobbly, and crawling is still the faster, most efficient option. Nevertheless, the cafe is no longer my own and we have had to construct the Miranda Containment Facility to stop her getting in the kitchen in there! She is also saying "Mum" "Dada" and named her new doll "Diedre" (by holding it going "Deedree!). Unfortunately these words are applied indescriminately, so anyone she wants something from becomes "Mum" and anyone who picks her up for any reason other than food, becomes Dada. Otherwise, she is very chatty, and sings or talks to her toys quite happily in Miriese.

She's still having the occasional boob feed too. I am trying to stop this just because she has been known to BITE with her sharp new teeth, which is excrutiating. We have yet to find any sort of food that she won't eat too, so she doesn't really need breatmilk any more anyway. She regularly has a bottle of milky tea in the cafe with me. However, the other week I had a run in with an idiot doctor. I went to the doctors because I've been having migraines, he prescribed me something, but I asked if I could take it and still breastfeed. He was genuinely incredulous that I was "still" breastfeeding!! He already knew exactly how old Miranda was, but I was quite offended by his reaction. It may not be that common to be breastfeeding at a year old, but it is not unheard of, not abnormal or freakish and certainly not doing her any harm! Surely doctors should be encouraging me and supporting me, not practically ridiculing it? NOT IMPRESSED.

AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, on her actual birthday yesterday, we had a party in the cafe, and I invited all my friends with children, and also some of the customers that come in with kids. We had SO MANY show up!! Miri was spoilt rotten, as even people I didn't know very well brought presents for her. At one point we had 10 kids in the cafe, all under 6. I fed them all jelly and icecream and they raced around and played with all the toys in the cafe and blew party poppers at each other and made a glorious mess. Needless to say I am completely shattered today!!! Miranda managed a 20 minute sleep all day, the rest of the time she was too excited to even contemplate the idea of a nap. I don't get why she is so awake and boisterous today now! Granny and Grandad came up over the weekend too, and we went to a big play park which she loved, and they took her out while I was working in the cafe on Saturday, and I pedalled her about in the new seat (from the grandparents) on my new trike... all in all, a very exciting few days for a small girl!

Now, she has a rocking snail, a 'scramble bug' (ride on cute thing), lots of new clothes and books, a cuddly springbok from Auntie Karen in South Africa, various plastic noisy things, and Auntie Jopo had the sense to buy her two large toy boxes to put it all in! Carl decided she needed something Big to play in outside, so we got her a swing and slide set for the garden - she loves it!

The party was brilliant, and it was lovely that so many of our friends showed up to celebrate with Miranda. I don't think she actually understands the concept of "birthday" yet but she really enjoyed herself!! I am so proud of my "toddler"!! 

Long time no blog, and many changes!

Miranda is now ten months old...!
I have been rushed off my feet with the cafe and the Phd and every other mad scheme, and despite the exhaustion, I feel so lucky that Miri takes it all in her minute stride. She is very, very social, and really does appear to love the cafe. Most of my customers think she's wonderful, with total strangers commenting on how bright, alert and CUTE she is! Of course, she laps up the attention.

The third tooth is just about visible now, top right we think - it looks as though it will break through any day now.

Miranda is also talking - she babbles away happily to Carl and I, shrieking at things that annoy her or amuse her, gurbles intently at her toys, and makes emotive political speeches, accompanied by wild gestures and appropriately forceful table banging, from her high chair in the cafe. All of this is in Mirandese. She has got the hang of Ds and Bs and Gs - dadababagaga and her favourite: BooGURgoo. Annoyingly, she says Dada all the time but hasn't managed Mama yet. I changed her nappy the other day and I could swear she suddenly yelled "CABBAGES"! More worringly though, she came at me far too close the other morning, grabbed my hair with both hands and said "Braaaaains". Baby Zombie!! Aaaargh!!

At the end of February, we went to stay with Granny and Grandad for a week (leaving poor Carl behind.) They fussed over her no end, insisted on giving her a bath pretty much every night, and we got a Titch-hiker thing that lets her ride around on my shoulders which she adores! Meanwhile, I managed to finish the last chapter of my thesis. I love Miranda with all my heart, but sometimes she doesn't exactly help...:

We went to Miri's second Whitby Goth Weekend too, just for a day trip. Miranda wore a fabulous little Spider suit given to her by Ione Chapman complete with Velcro'd on extra legs. Whitby was a bit quieter than usual, but she had great fun meeting up with our extended goth family - and of course had her photograph taken ALL DAY. I bought her her first doll, a little 'Batling' like a Cabbage Patch kid but wearing black and with bat wings!

A few weeks ago, I also experienced my first Mothers' Day! Bizarre feeling really, I almost forgot it now applies to me. I send off a card to Granny, but then Carl  - I mean, Miri - bought me a Book of Cakes and a bib for Miri saying "Don't Laugh, She's My Mum".

The biggest news though is that MIRANDA IS MOBILE! She has been veryvery close to crawling for so long, but she hated doing it, much preferring me to bend double and walk her around holding on to my fingers. When I didn't want to give myself a bad back any more, she used to wail at me and complain instead of actually crawling. That was until four days ago. Suddenly she twigged and worked out what her knees can do. It really was a case of overnight mobility, on Thursday she was still getting cross when I didn't walk with her, then on Friday she was scooting about on all fours, making bids for freedom out of the front door, getting into the cupboards at work and cruising round the edge of the furniture. She can pull herself up on most things now and there has been plenty of bumped hea-ds and wailing - usually more out of surprise than pain. The floor comes up and bites her when she isn't looking! So Unfair!!

So, the cafe is no longer my own. Jo and I are constantly dreaming up Miri Containment Schemes (possibly involving picket fences - "it's ok as long as you call it a playpen and not a cage!"), and I am hunting for socket covers and feel as though I am constantly vacuuming after she distributes raisins and crumbs and bricks and various detritus around the place. 

 

My little Moomin Cheese is growing up!!

Johannesburg

Methinks South African grandad is rather fond of Miranda. We are back in Johannesburg staying with Les and Alana for a few days, and they are both doting on her -according to Alana she is the "best baby in Joburg" and Les is taking photos of her every few minutes on his phone. Even the dogs seem to like her! She has had an exciting few days as well. We were so hot and tired when we arrived from Nelspruit that we went for a swim in Alana's pool. Again, this was far too cold for the poor scrap and she yelled, and could only be appeased with the promise of a hot bath later on. Miranda REALLY likes baths. She sploshes about and even swims if it's deep enough, it is indescribably cute! I think she is enjoying this trip, there is so much for her to take in that I worry she is going to be bored when we get home and back to what passes as our routine!
We took her down to Hartebeespoort dam yesterday because there are loads of craft stalls down there and a touristy market. We needed to find a giant wooden giraffe for the Other Grandparents, obviously. Miri was utterly in awe of the craft market - so many colours and strange sights and sounds, and icecream to try and people admiring her. We bought her a mobile made out of banana leaves and Alana treated her to a little pink babygrow with a lovely cute zebra on it.

She has also been eating more strange things. It was Les's birthday on Friday and we took him out for a meal at The Meat Company (what a surprise!). Miri loved it, lots of bright lights, and she tried creamed spinach, mashed potato, the creamy garlic sauce off my (delicious) steak, and a naughty bit of my amarula coffee. You can only wash enormous steaks down with one thing in this country - very good pinotage wine. Miranda's eyes were fixed on everything we ate and drank, she even drooled at Carl's 500g T-bone. She saw Alana's wine glass, and that was it, she WANTED it. Fortunately she hasn't yet got the coordination to actually drink from it, but she did chew the edge of the glass, dribbling happily. It's kind of sad in a way; I love the way she copies us, but she gets frustrated when her hands don't do what she wants them too, and I feel so sorry for her! Alana came to the rescue and took her for a walk around the mall, in a thinly disguised attempt to show her off to some friends she met on route. By the time she came back, Miranda had crashed out asleep on her shoulder.
Les and Alana are thinking of moving back to the UK, specifically Alana's native Newcastle (yep, small world!). Whereas that would be lovely to have them so much closer, I think they might be in for a bit of a shock. One of the most striking things about Joburg is the vast differences between rich and poor here (a division on racial lines as well as economic!). Alana does not like this photo:

this is the view that greets you driving into Joburg from Nelspruit. It is infact the Alexandra township, not an area average Joburgers really want to show off as typical of their city. There are far worse areas too. We went over to see Lindsay, Gerhard and the kids again, and got lost, even with the Satnav. When we saw the turn off to Tembisa, another township, we realised we'd gone too far. Lets just say it was fairly obvious Lindsay didn't live out there.

In stark contrast, we met up with Clive, another old school friend of Carl's, and his new husband Frank at a veryveryvery posh shopping mall to have "brunch". Brunch involved a lot of guacamole for Miranda, quesedillas for us (which they insist on pronouncing "kwes-ed-dill-ers", not "kessed-eeyas") and lots of promises to keep in touch with her new Gay Uncles. It was lovely to see them, but I was half hoping Miri would do another Pootrastophe to help lower the tone in that place! Very posh, very exclusive, expensive and crying out for a good nappy filling session.
Unfortunately, but not unsurprisingly, the crime rate in Johannesburg is shockingly high, and so to maintain shopping centres like this place, or Alana's beautiful and large house, you need a ridiculous amount of security measures. Alana's house has automatic sliding gates with spikes on them, and an "armed response" burglar alarm. Even Lindsay's house had a similar sliding gate topped with razor wire. Their neighbour has a huge rottweiler and a sign on the gate saying "trespassers will be eaten". The whole effect is to make it feel as if they are all living in their own self-made prisons! I find it quite depressing actually, although I can understand why it is necessary - Les and Alana survived a horrific armed robbery recently. If they do come back to Britain, at least they won't have that to deal with. But then again, if they come back, they are not going to be 'rich' anymore, even in Newcastle. I have caught myself thinking it would be lovely fo Miranda to grow up out here; if not Joburg, then maybe somewhere like Nelspruit or Hazyview. It is lovely, if it weren't for the crime rate. Or the snakes.

The Miranda Dictionary

Miri is becoming more alert and awake every day (occasionally, to our annoyance!) and as a result, there are more and more "words" appearing in Miri-Language. So during those 4am, er, 'discussions' over whether or not she should be asleep, I have begun compiling the Dictionary of Miranda.

Alaah - I need reassurance and/or something to suck
Ayaaaaar (repetitive) - Give me attention/I am being ignored
Aaayaaaaaaaaaar (singular, long) - I'm so alone!
Eh-eh-eeh-eeeeheh - I am tired and not happy
Elah (repetitive) FOOD! NOW!
Eelaaaah (singular, long) I haven't been fed for HOURS!
Geheh? - Why am I not in the same place I went to sleep?
GNUUR - (onomatopeoic - denotes forthcoming "Pootrastophe")
Heeh! - That looks interesting!
Nyar-huh-huh - My nappy appears to be full/I am getting uncomfortable
Wuaaaaah! (repetitive, deafening) - It's been an exciting day and I feel like yelling.
Yeeaaa? - Is it worth waking up?

More soon, I'm sure!


****
update:

Un-Nyeh! - I'm too hot!
Wuurr-hur-hur - I'm sooooooo unhappy

WOOHOO!

20th July 2010 (5 weeks and 2 days) = Miranda's first smile! Definitely a little grin, and we know it wasn't wind because she was in the bath and there were no bubbles. Ahem. She also seems to have taken a liking to the bath now, the last two have involved far less yelling!

Also, and best of all from our point of view, after a lot of whinging in the evening, she actually slept through the whole night!!!!!! YAY!!!!

Very very proud of our Cheeseling now :-)

Elah

We are slowly learning to speak Miri-language, that is, recognising her different cries. The noise that sounds like an indignant duck being sat on, for instance, roughly translates as "I am seriously pissed off now!" There is also the rhythmic, monotone and repetitive "A-yaar", which means "Give me attention!" or more often, "Why am I in this chair when you are doing something interesting?" The first word we learnt however, the one repeated most often is "Elah".

Elah means FOOD, or more precisely, Boob. At just under 3 weeks old, Miranda is having a growth spurt. She has put on nearly half a kilo in a week, and I swear her feet have got even bigger. This all means that she is eating constantly at the moment, demanding food every hour when she is awake, and disrupting our nights even more than "usual". (nothing as yet is usual or normal!). It is completely exhausting!

I am breastfeeding exclusively at the moment, which has earned whole-hearted approval from the midwife. It wasn't really a conscious decision as Miranda  found the milk bar and latched on within an hour of being born! However, I have no problem with this really. In purely practical terms, it is easier than faffing around with bottles and powder and mixing formula at 3am, I know it is all she needs, and I am never going to run out. And why pay for something when you can get it free?

It hurt like hell to begin with though. Rachel helpfully advised me: "It's fine once the first layer of skin has come off!". Seems to be true actually, it as actually a lot easier now than it was. Nevertheless, as if the episiotomy wasn't bad enough, getting blisters on your nipples is quite high up my list of Things You Should Never Have To Endure. Miranda's suction power is astonishing for one so small! At the moment it is only sore for the first few sucks - and Miri has a habit of lunging at me from a distance. Unfortunately that few seconds of intense pain is enough to render me wide awake meaning it is impossible to sleep through middle-of-the-night feeds. Also, she needs extra fluids at the moment because of the hot weather, so coupled with the growth spurt, she is feeding little but often and my nipples never get the chance to recover!

The hormones associated with breastfeeding are highly weird too. It is very bonding, which I suppose is a survival technique from baby's point of view as Mums wouldn't put up with it otherwise! Carl actually gets a bit jealous so I've started expressing milk so he can have a go at bottlefeeding her. It took a few days for the amount of milk to settle down though, and at first my boobs just swelled up enormously to the point of looking fake and cartoonish, and then promptly leaked everywhere. They have settled now though, leaving me having to panic-buy nursing bras in a ridiculous size 36J!

Sometimes I am quite proud of being able to breastfeed, I do love the time with her and it makes me feel 'capable' somehow, especially since parenthood is so new and there are so many things we need to learn and get used to. I don't have a problem with feeding Miri in public either, most of the time, and I've not had any discouraging comments yet either, not that I should nowadays anyway. I am sure our local pub has seen plenty of women get their boobs out in it in far less respectable circumstances.

At other times, however, I get frustrated with it all. I don't like just being The Milk Bar. Whenever I hold her, she smells food and immediately demands some. This means I don't get cuddles in the way Carl does, I can't just sit and talk to her or play with her like he can because she just hunts for Elah. More annoyingly I can't settle her to sleep in the middle of the night because the food supply is so distracting. When I am really tired, I feel completely useless; sometimes she has actually drained me dry, I can't give her what she really wants, and I can't cuddle her and calm her down either. Aaargh!

I do know this will pass and when she is older I will get to be Mummy properly rather than just Provider of Sustinance. I also know that it is not always going to hurt - though I am dreading when she gets teeth. The benefits of Elah outweigh its annoyances, so I will persevere. And I do love the newfound enormity. To Boobs! *chinks glass*

And so the world changes...

Little Miri is ten days old today!

I can't really tell if the time has gone quickly or slowly, it's all been a very surreal blur. I can't really imagine her not being here now. On the other hand, it is so scary that Carl has so little time left before going back to work. He took another two weeks of annual leave after his incredibly generous paternity leave of ten days, (!!!) but even so, I don't know how I am going to cope without him around.

Miranda is developing very quickly indeed, however. Without wishing to jinx matters, we have had three reasonable nights in a row now, and she seems to be establishing a pattern, with night time wakings restricted to 3.30am and 6.30am only. This is remarkably impressive and has enabled us both to feel more or less human again. Here's hoping it continues!

Looking back, I have amazed myself with how long I managed to keep going last week. I had to stay overnight in hospital after the birth - mainly because they were concerned about me (having lost a lot of blood) rather than Miranda. That was really really harsh - I was utterly exhausted and had no idea what I was doing or how to handle a very new, hungry, tired, noisy baby, and they made Carl go home on his own! He really didn't want to go, but at least he got some sleep. I didn't. Miranda worked out how to get milk out of me very, very quickly, and most of that night was spent with her destroying the top few layers of skin on my nipples. She also ended up sleeping in the bed with me, which the midwives Disapproved Of - but it was the only way I could get her to shut up.

Jo and Graeme visited that evening, and Jo nearly cried when she saw a Real Actual Baby. (Best Jo-ism of the week: "Congrats - We knew you had it in you!") The next day my parents arrived, and Chris and Rachel with little Nini... and then I finally got to take her home. On Tuesday we took her round town to show her off and buy a few bits and test the car seat, and then on Wednesday the midwife visited and the parents left and the ferrets got a proper sniff at her... and all the while, she was waking about four times during the night and feeding on demand...

I honestly think I was running entirely on adrenaline and Happy Hormones for those few days. I was - and am still, completely in love with her and just ecstatic that she had finally arrived. And she's beautiful and healthy and utterly perfect and all I want to do all day is cuddle her! A total pregnancy high. Better still, these Happy Hormones stopped the Stitches in Unpleasant Places from hurting, and miraculously, gave me some energy.

Unsurprisingly, this did not last, and by Friday, I had completely crashed. I felt physically horrible, everything hurt again and I just felt completely wiped out. I also couldn't control my emotions at all, started crying at the slightest thing (sometimes just because I was so happy watching Miri, or if Carl was being particularly endearing - and then at ridiculous things like Hollyoaks!) I got snappy at Carl and then cried because I felt bad about being snappy. Mum and the midwives kept enquiring as to how I felt, in case I had an attack of the Baby Blues, or the first signs of postnatal depression. I doubt it. I don't think what I am experiencing is in any way unusual; it really is just a result of exhaustion and hormones. However frustrated and tearful I get, it is never aimed at Miranda, it is not remotely regretful. More, it is just anxiety over my abilities to look after her properly.

But it does pass, and most of the time I am still completely fascinated with her. I could watch her for hours! It is hard to believe "We Made This". She is certainly my biggest achievement, the one thing I am most proud of in my life so far. Every day she does something new (and all of it ridiculously cute) - you can almost feel her sucking in information. She obviously can't do much yet - eat, poop and sleep, really. However, when she is awake (which isn't that often, to be fair), she is constantly watching, listening intently even if we are just talking rubbish to her. When she sleeps, you can see her processing it all, she practices her facial expressions in her sleep, and you can see the little brain whirring to itself. I just find it all utterly incredible. We created a real Little Person!

Dad sent me a very sweet, and very apt song, which could almost be about Miri:

Carl, for his part is equally besotted, only in some respects, more excited than me. His joy is not restricted to waves of hormones, it is seemingly constant. Also, Miranda's presence is far more New to him; I have had 9 months of being aware of her growing inside me, so I have had far more forewarning and ample opportunity to get used to the idea and mentally prepare. Carl on the other hand, does not equate Bump with Baby in such a direct manner. He keeps repeating "We have a daughter!" like he is continually surprised by her presence. He is brilliant with her already, and the way he acts around her just makes me love them both even more. She does look quite like him which makes me even happier. Carl has mentioned the idea that he would like three kids - this was admittedly whilst curled up in bed with Adorably Beautiful tiny daughter snuggled between us. Let us just say that I did not react particularly positively. I love Miranda completely, but my reaction to Carl's request is quite clearly paralleled in this song....

Nevertheless, tired as I am, I am happier than I can ever remember being and Miranda and Carl are my whole world for the moment :-D

Miranda's First Week

  Very Fat. Very Fed Up.

Hormone Rush - RELIEF! She's here!

One Eyeball...

Finally coming home from hospital

Besotted New Grandparents

Her Guatemalan sling - I may looking like the Hippy Mom but it is so much easier than a pushchair!

Still cannot get over how big her toes are...

The Burrito Wrap

Mini New Rocks!

Meeting the Auntie Jos...

Totally Unimpressed by the playmat

Biohazard nappies....

After her first bath (she hated it)

VERY proud Dad.

She's arrived!!!!

Miranda Dione, born 13/06 at 12.14pm, 7lb 2oz....

She finally arrived! And a week early!

She has seriously massive feet (like me) with really long toes, and also loads of dark hair and although everbody says this about their babies, we are convinced she is the cutest most beautiful little girl in the world!!

My labour was absolutely nightmarish though - it is not true, you do not instantly forget the pain. TWENTY EIGHT AND THREE QUARTER HOURS!!! My waters broke around 8am on Saturday 12th, and I started having contractions almost immediately. We went in to hospital, but after checking me over, they sent me home saying come back in a few hours when I was in stage 2 of labour - ie: 3-4cm dilated. By half past 4 the contractions were so painful I couldn't cope any more, so we headed back to the hospital, but I still wasn't dilated. The midwife wasn't actually very simpathetic and told me I shouldn't really have any pain relief until I was more dilated. So I got in a bath at the hospital - hot water really helped the contractions so I sat in that bath for three hours!!! I refused to get out until she'd give me some drugs!! Fortunately by 7pm I was 3cm dilated, I got set up in the labour room, and given gas and air, and a TENS machine. I didn't really get the point of them - it's a little thing that gives you mild eletric shocks in your back. You turn it on when you have a contraction, and whereas it doesn't actually stop it hurting, it does distract you. After a while I forgot I was wearing it, but then noticed as soon as I took it off!

I was only 4cm dilated by 9pm, and worse still, baby's heartrate was really really high, sometimes going over 200bmp. Doctors were worried that she was stressed, and gave me a saline drip to rehydrate me, in case that was what was stressing out Baby. It didn't seem to help, however, and they ended up having to take blood samples from the baby's head to check on her. That was absolutely excrutiating from my point of view, especially because I was so nervous and tired anyway. Fortunately all the tests came back fine.

INCREDIBLE PAIN continued all night - I eventually got on Remifentanil - the new morphine based drug which you self-administer, dosing yourself when you need it. It was absolutely WONDERFUL. Didn't actually stop you feeling pain but does stop you caring about it. I got absolutely sky high, thoroughly amused the midwife by talking utter rubbish, insisting on Carl playing Rammstein songs to me on his phone and dancing in the bed, I even started seeing things - including Nelson Mandela on a bicycle... blooming weird  but there you go. However, my labour was still not progressing very fast, and by the small hours of the morning, I was just too tired to continue, and the morphine made me throw up everywhere!!

I decided to have an epidural just so I could sleep through the contractions. They set it all up and took my beloved remifentanil away. But - the damned epidural didn't work!!! it was ridiculous, I dunno what happened, but they had to refit it and give me a second dose - in the mean time, I had about 45 minutes of contractions every 3 minutes, with no pain relief at all other than gas and air. I SCREAMED THE PLACE DOWN. Carl was completely freaked out, though I didn't do the stereotypical swearing at and blaming him for everything; as far as I remember, it was along the lines of "MAKE IT STTOOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!". I honestly felt like someone was trying to saw me in half. Eventually, however, the second epidural kicked in, and I calmed down and managed to get a bit of rest.
By 10am, I was still only 7cm dilated, baby was still stressed with a high heart rate, and a consultant was called in. She said she would give me another two hours, and if I STILL wasn't fully dilated by then, they would give me a C section. I could have cried!! I sooooo didn't want a c-section, especially after suffering all that labour already. Fortunately the midwives were brilliant - like a pair of cheerleaders!! I started to get some feeling back as the epidural began to wear off, and they started encouraging me to push. By 11.15, I was 9cm dilated, and so determined, I screamed and screamed and screamed, and managed to get her out, on my own with no caesarian, no 'assistance' (ie: forceps etc) and no more drugs by 12.14!!! I did tear though, and had to have an episiotomy. I now have stitches in a place no-one should EVER have to have stitches!!!

I was soooooooo proud of myself and Carl (who had been with me the entire time) was absolutely over the moon and nearly cried. He cut the cord, and we finally got to hold our beautful little daughter. I cannot describe those emotions, it was just mindblowing. She's perfectly healthy, bright and alert, and we are all completely blissed out now!!! You don't forget the pain, you just realise it's all worth it...