Chilling Classics Cthursday: OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES (1982)

At the risk of being thrown out of both the Real Horror Fans Gang and the Society of Lesbian Vampire Enjoyers, I must speak my truth: I do not enjoy the films of Jess Franco. Female Vampire almost makes the cut, but to be honest I would rather simply partake in the undeniably striking stills of Lina Romay from that movie than watch it again. I wish I could appreciate Franco's work more. If I had the FrancoVision that his fans seem to have, I would see the art they claim is in his oeuvre, you know, the dream-like atmosphere and all that. Sadly, however, I am saddled with FinalGirlVision, and all that allows me to see is NO.

And so it is with this week's Tale from the Mill Creek 50-Pack Oasis of the Zombies, a film I liked better during that minute or two at the start when I misremembered it as a Bruno Mattei joint. And I'm not even wild about Bruno Mattei joints!

A group of French college students heads to an oasis in the African desert (just "African" will do, natch) in search of Nazi gold that was lost when the Nazis were killed in a battle in 1943. But for some reason the oasis is cursed, I guess, and the dead Nazis return as the living dead to eat anyone who gets too close. 

les students

l'oasis

This exceedingly simple tale is told in exceedingly tedious fashion, as we are treated to interminable flashbacks and shots that are repeated ad nauseam, such as this skull and this spider (yes, that golden blob is a spider). 

Franco's style in Oasis of the Zombies seems to be "point the camera at stuff and maybe the stuff you're pointing the camera at will actually be in the frame...oh and don't forget to do all those zooms, you're Jess Franco!" The overall effect is one somehow completely devoid of atmosphere, and frankly (Francoly?) the entire affair feels inept.

The zombies themselves are typical of the European zombie flicks of the era, although they fall a little more on the papier-mâché side of things as opposed to the more oatmeal-faced undead found in a Fulci film. Most of them have a worm or two wriggling around on 'em, which is a nice touch. There's a regular roster of shambling corpses here, and each gets their moment to shine in a rotating series of repeated close-ups.

This guy was my favorite, for obvious reasons:

These close-ups and the few group shots are reminiscent of Fulci's Zombie (1979); as I am an unabashed freak for that movie, I couldn't help but wonder why Oasis of the Zombies boasted several of the same techniques but left me so cold.

Leaving aside the...mmm, let's call the--the repeated still lifes, the unnecessary zooms--"stylistic choices," Oasis of the Zombies is just a fucking drag. It's poorly paced and plodding, and when it's time for zombie action, it's bereft of any action. The victims go "aahhh" and lie down, maybe they get bitten once or twice while they go "noooo" and pathetically slap at the zombies, and then they are dead. 

If these sad scenes were (un)livened up with some gore, at least there'd be some spectacle. However, we get one gore shot which is almost complete obscured. I get that it was likely a budget issue, but hey, I never said the gore had to be good. But if you're making a sleazy European gut-muncher, I think you should add some gut-munching. And some sleaze. Oasis of the Zombies has neither. But it does have a lot of shots of camels and sand dunes, and as a fan of both they pleased me. Also those shots reminded me of the time The Real Housewives of New York went to Morocco and Countess Luann almost got bucked off an ornery camel; the scene is more Oscar-worthy than Oasis is, that's for sure.  

I will give major props to the climax of the film, wherein night begins to fall and zombies slowly trudge over the dunes towards the students' camp. I'm not sure why the zombies are suddenly so far away from the oasis, but it looks cool and gives us the best shots in the movie, so who cares.

There's a little pizzazz during this final showdown as the students surround themselves with a burning ring of fire and chuck molotovs at the undead. But much of the pizzazz is indiscernible as Franco's camera often centers, like, someone's knee instead of anything worthwhile. Then the sun comes up and any remaining zombies fade into nothingness, which is weird because we've seen them out and about in the daylight before this. Oh well.

While watching Oasis of the Zombies, I felt like that famous time-lapse sequence in The Haunting (1963, duh), where we see Abigail Crane morph from a young lass to a withered crone. Like I could feel that happening to me as the movie played out over the longest 82 minutes of my life. The only difference was that I of course started out as a withered crone and simply became crone-ier.

I would say that there's something good in the story, some potential, if one wants to imagine the adventure-horror-zombie flick that could have been. But that's a bit like saying that a house has "good bones" when everything except the bathroom wallpaper needs to be trashed.

It's always a bummer when a horror movie is a bummer, and so it's a bummer that this week's offering from Mill Creek was a bummer indeed. But hey, you know what they say: We make plans, and the 50-pack laughs. Better luck next time!

Desperately Seeking Zombies

I recently finished a run-through of Resident Evil 2, the new remake of the classic 1998 game. It's a terrific update-ening, full of puzzles and action and gore, gore, gore, baby! Oh lawd the gore. The game is gross with a capital EWW.

Bodies are torn and chewed, heads explode in a fountain of the stuff inside heads, guts spill all over the place...it's not a game for the squeamish. As a devout lover of the original game and heroine Claire Redfield and, well, all things Resident Evil, I seriously dug it. Sure, the A/B scenario ("2nd Run" in the remake) is seriously janked, but we can't have it all, I guess. (I'm not going to explain the whole A/B scenario concept to those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about because one, do you care? And two, this isn't a full review of the game. And three! Resident Evil 2 isn't even really my point here, just hold on.)

One thing the game gets right (and I mean really, really right) is zombies. These are absolutely the best zombies I've seen in a zombie-flavored game, and likely the best zombies I've seen in any media. Their movements and postures vary greatly. They hiss and shriek when they spot you and shamble your way, arms outstretched. They're slow–no rage-y sprinters here–but if you get too close they'll snatch at you. They take a lot to put down, and if you don't dispatch them completely they will just. Keep. Coming. Blast off both arms and both legs and they'll still try to get you, worming their torsos around and snapping their teeth when you run by. You're not always safe behind closed doors, even less so behind windows, and they can climb stairs. They are slow, steady, relentless, and terrifying.

From time to time I am gripped by Resident Evil Mania, wherein I just want to consume all things Resident Evil. They're the only games I want to play. Heck, I even (re)read the absolutely trashy novel series. (I can't believe I just admitted that.) Obviously the Mania set in after I finished RE2, but instead of starting a new game or something I found myself wanting to take in a bit of zombie cinema.

Now you might think a-DOY, so you watched some Resident Evil movies! I mean, that's like a guaranteed a-DOY. But no, my friend, I do not turn to the Resident Evil film series when I am in the throes of Resident Evil Mania, nor when I am in the throes of zombie mania, nor anytime ever. That franchise is its own thing, you know what I mean? And I'm not super interested in that thing. (However, Anthony and I will be covering the series at some point on Gaylords of Darkness, so I'll have to check out parts 3-936445 one day. I've seen 1 and 2 already, and that was enough! But I'm sure I'll embrace the cheesiness when the time comes, worry not.)

All of this got me to finally watch a film that's been lingering in my queue for well over a year now: the 2016 South Korean zombies on a train flick Train to Busan. Hey! It's as enjoyable as everyone says. It's about a father and daughter on a train (you know...a train to Busan) that quickly fills up with zombies. What's not to love?

Well, yes, fine, at times it's a little too computer for me, particularly when these insta-turn, speedy, rage-y zombies pile up and pour over each other à la World War Z. But it fits the tone of the film: this is action-flavored zombie cinema. Speedy train, speedy undead, it's all genuinely a nail-biter right up until the end.

The supporting characters are terrific and get you all, like, carin' about 'em and stuff. As I am strictly an EAT THE RICH kind of lady it's possible that I enjoyed the class warfare aspects of it the most. It ticks all the zombie cinema must dos: you lose some people you care about, you lose some people you are really psyched to lose, you wonder how you would fare in this situation. Well, I don't wonder. I know I would be toast in the first five minutes of the outbreak, if not sooner. I have come to accept the fact that I am not post-apocalyptic material, and that's fine. I just wanna leave a pretty corpse behind..yippee...ki-yo...ki-yaaaaaaaay!

I've had worse experiences on public transportation, tbh

But! As this is not a review of Resident Evil 2, this is also not a review of Train to Busan. So why am I wasting everyone's time? Well! It's because after I finished Train to Busan, I wanted more zombie cinema. I browsed Netflix and shuffled through Shudder looking for something to satisfy my flesh-eating urge for flesh-eaters. Something good I should say. And reader mine, it seems ridiculous to say, but say it I must, for it is how I feel: I feel like I've seem 'em all.

Now surely I haven't seen every zombie movie out there. I'm hoping that I haven't seen all the good ones, but...

I've seen all the Romero Whatever of the Deads, including all the ones I wish I hadn't.

I've seen the Italian gross-out gut-munchers. I love 'em even when they're not great! They're crazy. I mean...Peter Bark, amirite?

I'm not a huge horror-comedy fan, so Shaun of the Dead, Fido, Dead Alive, and Cemetery Man are enough for me.

I've seen enough alt-zombie / zombie-adjacent kind of stuff to get my fill. Pontypool is great, so is Deathdream. Night of the Creeps.

I've seen European art house stuff, Grapes of Death and whatnot.

Some films are dabbling in "what about if they can be cured / return to society" themes and while that's a fine idea, I'm not particularly interested at the moment.

I've indulged in Nazi zombies or zombie Nazis or whatever. Dead Snow, Shock Waves, and so on.

I've gone the traditional / voodoo route with, like, I Walked with a Zombie and The Serpent and the Rainbow, etc.

Look man, I just want zombies doing their zombie thing. Rise from the grave, eat people. There must be something out there I haven't seen yet, something that will satisfy this Resident Evil (tasty) itch. Right? What am I missing? Has there been a zombie movie that's eaten your face right off? Have I reviewed it already? Let me know. My Mania has not yet abated!

Day 16: DEAD SNOW (2009)

Ah, the zombie Nazi. Or the Nazi zombie, depending on your grammatical tastes. They're oh so great and oh so surprisingly underutilized in horror cinema. I love that they're the ultimate evil, especially in zombie form, and there are no moral quandaries involved with hating them. There's none of that "oh, that zombie used to be my mom, how can I kill it" sappiness. Forget about the "who are the monsters, them or us" business. They're Nazis. They're the monsters. The end.

Zombie Nazis (and non-zombie ones as well) make great bad guys in video games because they're just so satisfying to kill. I honestly never get tired of it, whether it's sensitive meathead B.J. Blazkowicz taking them out in Wolfenstein or sharpshooting French resistance fighter Marie Chevalier getting it done in Zombie Army Trilogy. Even pixellated Nazis are assholes, and I love taking them down! Who wouldn't want to kill zombie Hitler? Only a jerk.

Video games: so violent, so gross. What a world!

Now that you know how I feel about Nazi zombies, you can imagine that I was on board with the Norwegian flick Dead Snow, wherein a group of young doofuses are set upon by long-dead Nazis who have returned in search of their ill-gotten gold. ("Damn, even I'm not that greedy!" -- Leprechaun)

I didn't really expect much from Dead Snow and well, I basically got what I expected. It's way-gross, heavy on the humor, and light on the logic. The characters are generally irritating and lame, essentially there to ensure there's a body count. On the other hand, the zombies themselves are fairly unique to the genre–they're not solely interested in "brains", and they don't just bite. They punch and push and use equipment and they still act like a regiment, following commands given by Colonel Herzog. They also run pretty damn fast for being roughly 50 years dead.

This take on zombie behavior is the freshest aspect to Dead Snow, for horror fans have seen pretty much everything else it has to offer, from the nods to The Descent to the obligatory chainsaw/power tools massacre. Despite giving the film a shit ton of leeway with regard to "suspension of disbelief" (I mean, it's zombie Nazis–you just gotta go with it), I was still left with a few head-scratchers when all was said and done. What was the deal with the guy who warns the kids and gives them the history of the area? And would anyone–no matter how horny–actually screw on the shitter in an outhouse?

Although I don't think Dead Snow is ever going to be considered a horror classic, it's not without its moments of charm. Whether it's the zombies rising out of the snow (à la the Conquistadors in Fulci's Zombi) or a decapitated head getting booted high up into the trees, you'll find that--wait, did I just call "a decapitated head getting booted high up into the trees" charming? What a world!

Watched Fulci's ZOMBIE last night and I just want to say...

...Susan's "there are zombies standing four feet away from me!" face is A++.

SHOCKtober: 100-91

More movies with two votes each!

100. Carnival of Souls -- 1962, Herk Harvey
99. The Abandoned -- 2006, Nacho Cerda
98. Cape Fear -- 1991, Martin Scorsese
97. Legend of Boggy Creek -- 1972, Charles B. Pierce
96. Irreversible -- 2002, Gaspar Noe
95. Day of the Dead -- 1985, George Romero
94. Legend -- 1985, Ridley Scott
93. Signs -- 2002, M. Night Shyamalan
92. The Entity -- 1982, Sidney J. Furie
91. Sinister -- 2012, Scott Derrickson

Ooh lawd. Y'all're bringin' it now. Carnival of Souls is of course a classic. Signs wore out its welcome for me before it was over, but sakes alive there's really no denying that the birthday party video footage alien reveal is killer. Sinister is still on my list of "hey, I gotta check that out"s.

And hell yes to Day of the Dead, frequently overlooked in the Romero oeuvre (although hey, at least his recent sub-par zombie flicks mean Day is no longer the most reviled!). Here's something I wrote about it once upon a time, and I still totally feel this way:

It's got humor, but it never really sinks into outright silliness the way Dawn does. Sarah makes for an interesting- if not always likable- heroine. There are the director's patented Bigger Ideas at Play going on, of course, with all those "who are the real monsters here?" Army a-holes. The film predates CGI core and features some of Tom Savini's best FX work- of particular note is the shot of a gut full of guts sliding out and falling to the ground with a nauseating splash. Then there's Bub, and the shot of all the zombies descending on that massive cargo elevator- bitchin'. Yeah, everyone yells a lot and that's irritating, but big deal! Maybe I love Day so much because it was the first zombie movie I was really allowed to see. 

That title sequence in the city left to the dead! The zombies barely kept at bay by the chain link fence! And again, that cargo elevator sequence...all of it scared me somethin' good. Man, I love Day of the Dead!

Zombie vs Shark vs T-Shirt

Hey, so I drew this! It's based on one of the best scenes in not only horror, but in EVER. Zombie vs shark, from Lucio Fulci's Zombie.

You can get it (and a bunch of other designs) on a t-shirt or a pillow or even a print at my Society 6 shop. Annnd if you use THIS LINK to do it, you'll enjoy free worldwide shipping through April 14. That is a tasty treat! 

RIP Bill Hinzman

By now you've likely heard that this past weekend, actor Bill Hinzman passed away at age 75. I'm not so good at writing obituaries and things of the sort- I'd give that honor to Arbogast...but I'll just have to imagine what he would have written since the bastard recently closed up shop for good.

Like most horror fans, I've got a little Bill Hinzman at a convention story. And like most horror fans who have a little Bill Hinzman at a convention story, it took place in George Romero's most famous stomping grounds, the outskirts of Pittsburgh.

You know, I shouldn't build it up that much because to tell it, it doesn't seem like such a great tale, but oh well. Told you I'm not so good at this!

Anyway, I was standing and talking with John Russo, the man who co-wrote Romero's Night of the Living Dead. He had some pictures- trading cards, maybe?- from the NotLD and they were in color. I couldn't get over it, seeing all those familiar faces, humans and ghouls alike, like I'd never seen them before. I know there's a colorized version of the film floating around out there, but it's never appealed to me. The behind the scenes stuff, though, I was eating it up.

Then someone came and stood next to me. I figured it was just another fan waiting his or her turn, but then the person leaned over a bit and quietly said, "You know, I was the first zombie." I turned, and it was Bill Hinzman...and let me tell you, it was not at all obnoxious. It sounds as if it might have been, like the equivalent of someone laughing so loudly in that way that lets you know he or she is an actor- but it wasn't. When I turned , he was just beaming, an adorable old dude in glasses. I'm sure he loved the attention and the "Oh my God, you are the first zombie!" I gave him, but after a moment, when he and Russo and I were talking and then oh, Russ Streiner came over and across the way were Karl Hardman and Marilyn Eastman and I was suddenly kind of surrounded by horror movie royalty and they were a gang, it felt like, both then and nearly 40 years prior, and it was just the best.

Bill Hinzman's death has affected me more than I could have thought it would- not that I ever sat around thinking about it much, mind you. But it's made me realize (or possibly just remember) how much Night of the Living Dead means to me as a horror fan. I wrote about it- and Barbra in particular- in this post (spurred on by Arbogast...damn you, man!), and I can't see a reason to try to say it any better than I did then:

Let me say right upfront: I adore this film. It's in my Top Ten or whatever number would actually make up the list of my all-time favorite horror movies. I think it's an absolute masterpiece of genre filmmaking, and in my opinion it's on the short list of Romero's best (the others being Dawn of the Dead and Creepshow, although my soft spot for Creepshow is so soft that I have no idea whether or not it's actually a good movie, you know?). Night of the Living Dead is all shock and far gorier than you remember it being; it's all exquisite lighting and camera angles; it's all horror with a bit of rotting meat on its bones, terrifying in its simplicity. Somehow, this film is one of the very few that I can always manage to watch with the mindset of the era in which it was made, and perhaps that's why it's one of my favorites, why it never fails to work for me, why I still get scared.

While Hinzman wasn't really the first zombie, he was totally the first zombie, and even if my adoration-colored glasses at that convention wouldn't let me see a plain old boast as a boast...well, he deserved to boast, dammit. So tonight I'm going to pop in the restored and re-mastered edition (finally got it!), turn off the lights, and raise a glass (of water, it's all I have in the house) to the first zombie. Rest in Peace, Bill Hinzman. Thanks for all the scares (and the conversation).

when there's no more room at the library...

Zombies, am I right? It's kind of amazing to me how resilient the subgenre has proven in recent years, considering its heyday, if you ask me, was in the late 1970s/early 80s...but then, I suppose, fads are supposed to be cyclical. At least, I hope they are; at long last, I've mastered the Macarena and I'm dying to bust it out somewhere.

But really, did any horror fan expect zombies to make such a hardy comeback? I didn't. Sure, they never went away completely, but for a while they were quiet, shuffling around in the background while other monsters had their moments. You know, monsters like Freddy, Michael, and Jason, who starred in some of the worst sequels in the history of...sequels. Or those monsters from TV shows on the WB, whose faces filled the dull posters for tepid slasher-style flicks and remakes. George Romero was making movies without a zombie in sight, while a DVD rerelease of his seminal film Dawn of the Dead was something to celebrate.

Oh, my friends, how the times have changed. Was it 28 Days Later that ushered in the new zombie era? Perhaps. Whether the opening of the floodgates can be traced back to one particular movie or book is irrelevant; the fact is, zombies have infiltrated film, videogames, literature, television, and even everyday life ("zombie walks", anyone?) like no one could have anticipated. Nothing else in horror (or fantasy, or...you know, genre-stuff) comes close- not vampires, despite the popularity of Twilight. Not witchcraft and wizardry. Nothing! Zombies are everywhere, and it seems they're not going ANYWHERE.

In Zombies! An Illustrated History of the Undead, writer/film director Jovanka Vuckovic explores...well, the book's title says it all, doesn't it? From the origins of the zombie in Haitian history to the current craze for the genre, this slim volume provides a broad look at the walking dead in all forms of pop culture.

For me, the book's earliest chapters are the most informative, as I am but a humble ignoramus regarding Haitian voodoo rituals and religious rites. Vuckovic spends some time doling out the history before segueing into the earliest days of the zombie genre in film and literature. I'm not terribly well-versed in 1930s and 40s horror, say, so I found myself LEARNING. This is good. I like learning.

In later chapters, such as "Back from the Dead: Zombies in the New Millenium", the book becomes a bit more "Vuckovic on Zombies" than "History" as the author provides her opinion on films and other media. There's no denying that she's an authority on horror, and her opinion is certainly an educated one- her tenure at Rue Morgue Magazine is proof of that- but I found myself getting all defensive about a few topics at hand. She calls Zack Snyder's Dawn of the Dead an "unnecessary remake", which...I don't know, maybe it is. But I can't help but think it's got merits of its own, completely independent from what George Romero did in the original 30 years prior. Vuckovic rips much more harshly into Paul WS Anderson's Resident Evil, and again, I found myself, you know, defending my own opinions to a book. Resident Evil is probably crap- in fact, you can probably take away the "probably"- but sometimes crap is fun. Sometimes crap is good! Obviously Vuckovic is entitled to her own opinions and NO book is completely objective, but there were times throughout that I simply wanted more "facts" and not to be made to feel like a brainless, drooling dolt because I like a certain movie or two. I may be a brainless, drooling dolt, sure, but a history book shouldn't necessarily remind me of it.

Or maybe I'm just too much of an opinionated horror fan myself. After all, I do have a blog.

"Booooook...wait, I mean braaaaiiins...."

Zombies! works best, perhaps, as a resource. With sizable lists of films and books featuring the undead- not to mention all of the titles Vuckovic discusses in the chapters proper- there is plenty of gut-munching media out there for readers to check out. Throw in the hundreds of photos and illustrations, and the book becomes all but indispensable for zombie fanatics everywhere. Romero fans in particular will be pleased; the genre's most famous figure provides a foreword and, not surprisingly, is featured heavily throughout the book. I was happy to see two of my loves- comics and videogames- get plenty of attention.

I have a few nerdy gripes (beyond my already established, whiny "But I LIKE Resident Evil!" complaint)- where's the bibliography? Zombies Ate My Neighbors is not a first-person shooter! and so on- but overall, Zombies! is a terrific addition to any genre lover's bookshelf. It's brought ample movies and books to my attention, likely giving me undead fodder for years to come (The Chilling? What's that? I have no idea, but I'm gonna check it out)...proving yet again that zombies will never die.

Unless you shoot 'em in the head, I guess.

where the grass is green and the girls are grody

You guys, I'm not really sure what to say about Nightmare City (1980). You know how it is with those movies that don't make you feel strongly in any particular way. It's over and you can take comfort in the fact that if someone asks, "Have you seen Nightmare City?", you can respond with a resounding "Yes!" It is the small things in life, I suppose, that ultimately provide one with pleasure.

The zombies of Nightmare City are zombies of the 28 Days Later ilk, meaning that everyone calls them zombies but they're not undead. Here they're not victims of some virus but of radioactive contamination. No one gets a Silkwood shower fast enough after the exposure and because of this, the victims turn into meatball-headed killers constantly in a search for fresh blood to keep them alive. Hmm. I guess the zombies of Nightmare City are actually zombies of the vampire ilk.

4 out of 5 meatball heads chew Dentyne sugarless gum

So, the meatball heads run around wreaking deadly havoc, turning the city into a total nightmare city (SEE WHAT I DID THERE). It's all quite fun for a time, certainly. Even if you consider this a straight up zombie flick, there's novelty to these villains as the actually wield all manner of weaponry- from guns to machetes- in their search for blood. Though there's ample gore (including some really gnarly breast and eye trauma), I guess it wasn't as extreme as I was expecting, especially considering that the film comes courtesy of director Umberto Lenzi, the man behind the notorious Cannibal Ferox. Overall, Nightmare City is not even Fulci-level grody.

that's alotta meatball heads

I'd call the lengthy aerobic dance scenes gratuitous, but then, can an aerobic dance scene ever truly be gratuitous? Really, every movie should feature one. I mean, think of how much better On Golden Pond would be if Jane Fonda randomly put her aerobics skills to use at some point. It's a foolproof notion!

this is never gratuitous

Nightmare City's first half hour or so is energetic, chaotic, and had me swooning. Things slow down, as I suppose they must, and the fact that Hugo Stiglitz is an incredibly dull leading man doesn't help matters at all. Just as it truly wears out its welcome, however, there's a terrific finale atop a rollercoaster that includes a sequence I had to watch three times in a row. Then it's all over, and here we are.

Nightmare City? Why yes, I've seen that!

the gun is way more exciting than he is, trust me

Film Club: Sugar Hill

Sugar Hill (1974) proves at least one thing: if Jodie Foster had employed the use of zombies to exact revenge on her man's killers in The Brave One as Diana "Sugar" Hill does, then The Brave One would have been about 77% better. Why use a gun when you can voodoo up some undead, amirite? The same can really be said for flicks both rife with vengeance, like I Spit on Your Grave, or those with just a dash, such as Fried Green Tomatoes. It's just common sense.

Oh, and by the way- that's pretty much the entire plot of Sugar Hill up there, but to elaborate:

Nightclub owner Langston is kicked to death (rather gently, actually) by a bunch of mobsters who want protection money and the nightclub itself. When the police prove ineffective, Sugar Hill turns to voodoo priestess Mama Maitresse for help. Mama conjures up a posse of zombies and smiling ringleader Baron Samedi to do Sugar's bidding, and soon Sugar's new gang takes out the bad guys one by one.


That's really all there is to it, but when it comes to Sugar Hill, the parts are indeed greater than the whole. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, really, but what I mean is that it's the details that make this mediocre movie great. To wit:

• Baron Samedi reminds me of Coffin Joe.
• There is a theme song that plays over the opening and closing credits called "Supernatural Voodoo Woman" (courtesy of Motown Records).
• The zombies have weird silver ping pong ball eyes, they're covered in cobwebs, and they smile.
• There are two fight scenes- one where Langston is kicked to death, and one where Sugar gets in a slap fight with Celeste, the mob boss's moll. Both fights are more gentle than a springtime shower.

• Celeste is reminiscent of Edy Williams, which makes me think about Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, which is always a good thing.
• There is wanton cantaloupe abuse. That is not a euphemism.
• Mama Maitresse is Mother Jefferson. I repeat: MOTHER JEFFERSON.

• As this is a blaxploitation flick, whitey is the real bad guy and all manner of racial stereotypes and epithets fly, including "honk". Not "honky", but "honk".
• There is a proliferation of pantsuits. Langston's suit has a giant, scalloped collar. The 70s rule.
• There are angry, carnivorous pigs.
• When she's in "Diana" mode, Diana has regular hair and an air of Lynda Carter about her. When she's in "Sugar"/voodoo mode, Diana sports a fro and a low-cut jumpsuit. She's so superhero!
  

• The swamps of Louisiana sound like the jungle, complete with those movie monkey sounds- you know, "ooo ooo ooo AHH AHH AHH"
• Lots of broken glass and a defenestration.
• There is a man named Fabulous.
• Sugar Hill comes from exploitation powerhouse American International Pictures, and just seeing the name Samuel Z. Arkoff onscreen is enough to excite a nerd like me.

Despite what you might think or expect, Sugar Hill is actually rather tame. The violence is gruesome in theory (someone is hacked to death with machetes!) but takes place offscreen, sex and nudity are nil, and while charming, Marki Bey simply doesn't have the bite to make Sugar a terribly memorable character- she's overshadowed in her own movie by Don Pedro Colley's Baron Samedi, who chews the scenery with rotten teeth. It seems that AIP was trying to make Bey the next Pam Grier, when they should have simply, you know, hired Pam Grier.

Still, it's a fun time and the zombies are fresh- err, fetid enough to thrill even those among us who are zombied out. Voodoo-style undead are woefully underutilized in horror, but Sugar Hill shows just how creepy they can be when employed effectively. And if that ain't enough to make this movie worthwhile for you, don't forget- MOTHER JEFFERSON.

Film Club Coolies, y'all!
--------------------------------
Acidemic
Maynard Morrisey's Horror Movie Diary
Dave's Blog About Movies and Such
Soresport Movies
I Will Devour Your Content
The Deadly Doll's House of Horror Nonsense
Things That Don't Suck
strange spanners
Pearce's Horror Movie Reviews
The Agitation of the Mind
Mermaid Heather

Thanks to everyone who participated!

scenes i love - creepshow

There are times when I don't think about Creepshow. Then I think about Creepshow, and I think, "Creepshow. Creepshow is so fucking good!" I think that because it is true. Creepshow is so fucking good. I know I've mentioned this before, but perhaps I've never talked about one particular scene I love- the scene in "Father's Day" where Nathan Grantham busts out of the ground and puts the kill on his daughter Bedelia.

Or maybe I have spoken of it, in which case I will reiterate: that scene is boss!

It's just perfect. Director George Romero lulls you with a lengthy quiet passage as Bedelia vents her frustrations to her father's tombstone. It's calm, serene, and Bedelia is a bit buzzed on Jim Beam. Then a hand bursts through the dirt right in front of her- it's a terrific terrific unbelievably wonderful jump scare- and then a rotten corpse claws its way out of the Earth. How terrifying is that?

It's very terrifying, that's how terrifying! It's one of my favorite aspects of zombie films, and one that's used way too infrequently- seeing the dead return to life and rise from their graves. In most instances the zombies are just there, no matter how recently they've turned. They're shambling (or...sigh...running) around, or maybe someone dies and subsequently gets their undead on. But breaking through their coffins and coming out of the ground? It's rare- even Romero, who's perhaps the Zombie King, hasn't featured it since Creepshow. So, I turn to "Father's Day" and Zombi and Burial Ground: The Nights of Terror and hell, even Michael Jackson's "Thriller" to get my fix.

Yeah, I know that "Father's Day", like all the other stories in Creepshow, is at least partially meant for laughs- I mean, the first thing Zombie Nathan does upon his return is ask for his damn cake...and yeah, he chokes Bedelia to death rather than eating her. But man, I saw this as a kid and let me tell you- dead people unexpectedly rising from the ground, dripping worms and making with the murder? That shit ain't funny. It is, however, most awesome.

The Dead Will Rise! ...sort of.

In an effort to attract fans of zombie films by the likes of George Romero, American distributors renamed Pupi Avati's 1983 Italian horror film Zeder, releasing it under the title Revenge of the Dead. That, coupled with poster art depicting rotting corpses clawing their way out of the Earth, might lead you to think that watching this would give you some Fulci-tastic undead action. My friends, you would be decidedly wrong, but you can take solace in the fact that it's not your fault.

Revenge tells the tale of Stefano (Gabriele Lavia), a writer who finds himself embroiled in a mystery most mysterious after receiving a used typewriter from his girlfriend Alessandra (Anne Canovas). Stefano examines the ribbon and pieces together what the previous owner had typed; after lots of legwork and interviews with weirdos, Stefano deduces that someone named Zeder discovered "K-Zones", mystical places around the world where the soil can reanimate the dead. You know- like a Pet Sematary. Some Zeder-heads have set up camp in a K-Zone in an attempt to bring back a dead priest.


As I noted earlier, the promises of flesh-eating hordes made by the title and poster never materialize. Sure, you might get a zombie here and there and maybe a death or two, but Revenge of the Dead is far more a psychological horror film than it is an "...of the Dead" film as we know it. False advertising aside, though, I still found Revenge to be a bit of a disappointment, especially considering that I dug Avati's The House with Laughing Windows so very much. While Revenge certainly has some chilling sequences, a heavy atmosphere, and some interesting frame compositions, it ultimately meanders too much and feels much less polished than the director's earlier work. The methodical pace here doesn't work to the film's benefit.

Some of this, however, may be attributed to Gabriele Lavia, who makes a disappointing leading man- somewhat surprising, given his work in movies such as Deep Red and Inferno. Stefano's need to solve this mystery and the obsession that drives him- ultimately at the cost of his relationship with Alessandra (who, thanks to Canovas, is a bit of a charmer)- never really come across.

Revenge of the Dead isn't a film to write off completely, but neither is it an overlooked masterpiece. Enthusiasts of Italian horror are likely to enjoy it...just don't expect the promises of gut-munching madness.

short n' tasty rev-yooo round-up

The Grapes of Death

Liberal pesticide use gives a vineyard's seasonal output an aromatic bouquet of death in Jean Rollin's 1978 beauty. Grapes of Death is a "zombie" flick in line with something like The Crazies- the infected become viciously homicidal, but they don't die first. What really sets the film apart and puts a little meat on its bones, though, is the fact that these killers aren't completely mindless. Unfortunately for both them and their loved ones, the infected experience moments of clarity during which they're completely aware of their urges- and that they can't stop them.

The cinematography is lush and the pace is the variety of languid typical of the era, but Grapes packs a few unexpected shocks as well. The violence is surprisingly brutal and victims don't always die right away, while the gore is plentiful and plenty nauseating- both blood and pus flow liberally. The Grapes of Death is a worthy addition to the zombie(-esque) pantheon, not least because it follows in The Beyond's footsteps by including a hot blind chick.

Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge 

I get the feeling that Phantom of the Mall is one of those love-it-or-hate-it flicks...although I don't understand how anyone in anything resembling a right mind could hate it. In the film's fictional town, Morgan Fairchild is the Mayor. Your Honor, I rest my case.

But you need more. Well, the title tells you the essential plot: it's like Phantom of the Opera, dudes. But it's in a mall. Ah, the mall- now just an inconvenience, it was once- not so long ago, in fact- a place of wonderment and magic. Why, the intrepid heroes of Romero's Dawn of the Dead had never seen a mall before they took refuge in one (I'm not sure if the casting of Ken Foree in Phantom is meant to be a nod to Dawn or not, but I'm going to pretend it is). Phantom of the Mall was released in 1989, a time when a mall was still the place to be, a time when Pauly Shore (who stars as "Buzz") was merely annoying and not Pauly Shore annoying, a time when VHS tapes could cost upwards of $89.99 (as the sticker on my copy indicates), a time when songs over the closing credits featured lyrics about the movie you just watched. The line "Is he the Phantom of the Mall? Or just some retard in a broken hockey mask?" is pure poetry.

Don't worry- Eric is not just some retard in a broken hockey mask! No, he's just a boy who was wronged by greedy developers who burned down his house to make way for THE MALL. Now he lives in the world's largest air ducts and papier-maiche caves, practicing ju-jitsu and making mix tapes for the girl he left behind. I'm telling you: THIS MOVIE IS THE SHIT. I'm sure you agree, and I didn't even tell you that it also features Kelly Rutherford, aka Megan the Hooker with a Heart of Gold from Melrose Place, in an early role as "Salesgirl". The only question that remains is, why doesn't this tape live in my pants?

Rattlers

Oh, Rattlers, I can't help but love you. You're not "good", but who cares? You epitomize the 1976 drive-in experience, and sometimes that's all that really matters to me. You're produced by Sultan of Sleaze Harry "The Child" Novak. You feature a scienceologist and a photogologist engaging in battles of the wits concerning women's lib...before they fall in love and have a romantic night dancing and making out by a fountain in Vegas. You feature amazing toupees, a love theme, whiny divorcées getting offed in the bathtub, long stretches where nothing happens, Army cover-ups, nerve gas...and yes, rattlesnakes- but only a lethargic few, craftily edited to give the appearance of a hostile many. Yes, Rattlers, when I watch you it's like I'm somewhere else entirely- watching a crappy movie under the stars instead of a ceiling.

Damn!

Damn you, Mondo Tees! Quit making amazing limited-run posters that sell out before I can save up the scratch to buy them. CASE IN POINT: