Book Review: Crash Course: Accidents Don't Just Happen

Way, waaay back in December of 1978, I had just turned 18 and while trudging my way through high school, I worked a part time job at a little fast food joint on 178th and Stark Street in southeast Portland. Nowadays, most of that tenure blurs into amorphous recognition. But one night stands out--the night when the lights went out. As lead staff person and having never encountered such a quandary, I felt a weighty responsibility. My first decision was to lock the front door as patrons, averse to eating in the dark, gathered their things to leave.

A bit later someone from the convenience store next door walked over to tell us that a plane had crashed about a half a mile away on 157th and Burnside, knocking out the electricity. As I recall we did our best to tidy the dark kitchen, then closed up and went home. 

This past December marked the forty year anniversary of this tragic event that left ten people dead and all of Portland affected in some way. 

I didn't care much about news events in those days so I was unaware that litigation ensued thanks to the family of one survivor, Elizabeth Andor. She was a three year old girl at the time and lost her parents and sisters that infamous night. Her devastated extended family decided to take on United Airlines.  

Crash Course: Accidents Don't Just Happen details not just the crash and all of the extenuating circumstances but the ensuing legal battles that culminated in a disappointing Oregon Supreme Court decision years later. The author, Julie Whipple is the daughter of attorney Stewart M. Whipple, co-attorney representing Miss Andor.

At first I worried that I would be either bored or overwhelmed by the legalese of such high profile and convoluted litigation but Ms. Whipple's book kept me interested until the very end, not just because there were so many factors that played in to the tragedy but more so because she never loses focus of the real story--the people, their pain and their eventual healing. 

Blogger Matt Camp has devoted a blog post to the crash of United Flight 173. With tons of compelling photos of the wreckage, even more gripping was reading the accounts of so many who were either on the plane or the ground and affected by the crash. Some, including Ms. Whipple in her book, have suggested a memorial be erected at the 157th and Burnside crash site to remember those who were lost. 

Curious, I had to see for myself so I enlisted Google Street View. Not surprisingly, the area has changed much in forty years. The tracks of the light rail have widened the once comparatively narrow two-lane Burnside Street. To the north where most of the torn fuselage came to rest, a big apartment complex now sits. 

But the area to the south remains a vacant lot as it was in 1978. There is a makeshift "No trespassing" sign posted in the center of a field of mowed grass. Perhaps the owner understands the sensitive and sacred nature of this place. 

If you were living in Portland in late 1978, do you remember the crash? Either way, Crash Course is a worthy read detailing an important piece of aviation history.

Book Review: Goodbye Junie Moon

Amazon 

In mid-November, my neck of the woods was blessed with an ice storm. Naturally an errant tree branch, heavily burdened by the accumulating ice rendered us powerless. Ice storms and power outages go hand in hand so it was no big surprise really. It was just me and my daughter here at the time, shrouded in darkness, huddled together under a blanket with our respective Kindles. Thumbing through my cache of books that I had fully intended to read long before now, my eye rested on Goodbye Junie Moon: A Vietnam Memoir by June Collins. 

June takes us through her difficult childhood and young adult life in Australia. It was sad to read how she was abused by the pre-feminist culture of the time. But it's June's spirit of adventure and refusal to give in to convention that propel her towards an independent life, first in Australia, then the Philippines and beyond. Despite her enmeshment in the world of exotic dancing, June never loses her perspective and self-respect. 

Eventually June lands in Vietnam as an entertainment booking agent. Because she is so well-liked, she quickly makes friends in high places and discovers how some army club officers are swindling money through kickbacks. 

It's June's compassion that compels her to do something about the unconscionable disparities between the cushy life of the officers and the embattled suffering of the front-line troops. And it's her tenacity and bravery that make her successful. 

Corruption is an unfortunate, infuriating part of humanity but when whistle-blowers put principle over their own safety and do the right thing, it makes for a great story. This is one great story. 

Book Review: Magnificent Obesity

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Martha Moravec's desire to write came at an early age. She describes the bliss of hiding in a specifically obscure room of her house, writing novels uninterrupted. She hid because she knew her family wouldn't understand.

Despite continual discouragement from her family and with a teetering self-image, Martha enters adulthood in search of that certain something that will set her apart, give her life meaning. Like most of us, the voices of her past held her back. They manifested as anxiety, agnosticism, addictive behavior and aging.

At fifty-four, Martha suffered a heart attack that forced her to examine her life and the changes she needed to make.

Magnificent Obesity: My Search for Wellness, Voice and Meaning in the Second Half of Life chronicles Martha's five-year journey that started with that terrifying wake up call.

Once she is released from the hospital, Martha efficiently forms a support team that helps her through the physical and emotional challenges she must face to keep her anxiety and weight loss in check. Like most of us, she's not exactly gung ho about digging into her past. She views her family's insensitivity from an unemotional distance.

I don't remember dwelling on it and I never brought it up, but I probably felt the same hurt I experienced when, as a pre-pubescent child packed in the car with my siblings approaching a bridge with a specified weight limit, I heard my father say, "Oops, we better stop and let Marty out to lighten the load." Everybody laughed.    

I found myself getting angry with the way Martha was treated by those who were supposed to love and protect her. The blatant disregard for her feelings frankly really pissed me off. 

But this isn't a book about abuse and Martha doesn't dish a woe-is-me tale. In fact, this book does just the opposite. It illuminates what a smart, funny, talented, warmhearted and resilient person Martha is, despite some very unfortunate circumstances. There are many subjects I could relate to in this book. Coming to terms with my own mortality and aging and anxiety. Most importantly finding a sense of freedom despite life's uncertainties. 

Martha and I have been online friends for the past few years so when her book was released a few months ago, I knew it would be a must-read. And I wasn't disappointed. Martha's gift for writing is evident on every page.

There is great fun in placing "magnificent" in front of every word. Magnificent Fun. Magnificent Beans. Magnificent Fool. It doesn't confer absolute goodness upon the thing it modifies. I'm not saying that obesity is all good, healthy and desirable. But placing magnificent in front of anything, including obesity, gives it grandeur. It gives it gravitas. It gives you a dignified, generous place to begin. 

I love that! 

Congratulations, Martha. 

Book Review: Such Is Life--Short Stories

BACK IN NOVEMBER you may recall, I had the pleasure of sharing my blog with Jeri Walker-Bickett who discussed what she calls "Literary Landscapes." You can read it here.

To reiterate, Jeri summarized how our surroundings can stir our literary creativity. She then illustrated how she used her own familiar landscapes to springboard her first series of short stories, titled Such Is Life. 

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Working my way through my vast and unending reading queue, I finally had the opportunity and pleasure to read Jeri's stories. I don't know Jeri personally but her writing seems too gritty and realistic for fiction. It's the kind writing I enjoy--little slices of life with simple people, a conflict but not always a resolution because real life rarely doles out a perfect ending.

I was worried what would happen to Shirley's dog Marty after he chewed up the neighbor's poodle.

I was surprised that things didn't work out for Katrina and John but he probably did the right thing. He really didn't need her toxic drama.

I cringed at the idea of young Julie climbing into a stranger's car and found myself more than a little peeved at her mother's neglect.

And although I'm not a religious person, as a parent I found myself reluctantly agreeing with the parents of Ms. Trip's students who felt that their teacher probably shouldn't be publishing stories about drugs and sex. And I applaud Ms. Trip for pursuing her dream, which is indeed "very important."

My favorite story was "River Walk." Written in first person, it is the narration of a woman on the edge of reality, or maybe on the other side. It is so well-written, so full of sensory details and numbed pain, I'm jealous that I haven't been able to pull off something remotely this good.

"I would like it to rain gumdrops. I would like to be elsewhere. I would like my vices to suffice." 

Brilliant stuff you guys, trust me.

Jeri is not only an author and blogger who reviews books and writes about all things literary, she is also a freelance editor. 

Book Review: Pushing Back the Darkness

DECEPTION IS A TRICKY THING. Rarely do we realize we're being deceived. If a well-meaning friend points out a deception, we'll argue, make excuses, get defensive, lash out in anger or quietly withdraw in despair. This happens because we've restructured our reality to justify our beliefs and those beliefs are sacred. Our new reality might not make perfect sense but it beats the alternative which we believe is far worse. 

It usually takes something pretty dramatic to get us to see our folly. AA calls it hitting rock bottom. As painful as that landing is, it opens the door to our freedom. PUSHING BACK THE DARKNESS: ONE WOMAN'S AWAKENING FROM THE NIGHTMARE OF SPIRITUAL DECEPTION AND BONDAGE is both a painful and inspirational book. 

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For ten years, Jennifer and her mother, Marian are under the control of "Seth"--the quintessential wolf in sheep's clothing. He seems so genuine and understanding at first, taking them under his wing and offering the spiritual insight they're craving. Cult leaders are so dang crafty. Before long, the proverbial frog is cooking in boiling water. 

Seth's teachings become more and more bizarre, reminding me of the "demon under every doily" axiom. He spends hours supposedly helping Jennifer and Marian renounce and cast out the plethora of demons they've allowed into their lives because of their evilness. Day in and day out, he brutalizes them with his twisted deliverance counseling. Despite their efforts to comply, there is no pleasing a tyrant. He might say something nice one minute but he will change on a dime. Challenge him on an issue and you're libel to end up with a broken arm. And if he does break your arm it's because the demons made him do it. Nothing is ever Seth's fault.

As I read this book I couldn't help but wonder about "Seth" (not his real name). Who is he?  Does he really believe the things he's teaching or is he just hellbent on causing destruction in people's lives? Obviously he's a sociopath of the highest order. 

Fortunately there were a number of caring people eager to guide Jennifer and Marian as they escaped Seth's ten-year grip. With unconditional love and patience, they've been able to heal. 

This book is written for the Christian reader or one who is seeking Christianity. This will comfort some and cause others to bristle. Admittedly I am somewhere in the middle. My biggest concern is how often the ex-cult member is counseled to "study the scriptures for themselves."

While I have no qualms with understanding the Bible, a person who's been deeply wounded by spiritual abuse needs intensive psychological counseling to help regain trust and a personal identity.

I'm hoping there will be a sequel to PUSHING BACK THE DARKNESS covering the arrest, prosecution and conviction of "Seth." He is clearly a menace to society and while I'm thrilled that Jennifer and Marian are free, it's disconcerting to think that Seth is still out there forcing his venom on innocent people.

Book Review: Two Hearts--An Adoptee's Journey Through Grief to Gratitude

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A year and a half ago author Linda Hoye wrote a  guest post  for this blog with the release of her memoir TWO HEARTS--AN ADOPTEE'S JOURNEY THROUGH GRIEF TO GRATITUDE. Sadly it's taken me this long to finally read her book.  

When I was a kid, I always thought adopted kids were kind of a revered enigma, special and cool. Interestingly, Linda feels weird, tainted in some way. Her parents are part of the hardworking, middle class but spend their evenings and weekends a little too attached to the bottle. Like so many kids of this generation, Linda's physical needs are met but emotional nurturing is tragically absent.  

Typical for someone who has unmet emotional needs, as a young adult, Linda gravitates to what is familiar. She marries an alcoholic. And it exacerbates. When Ken is sober, he's a decent guy, but when he's drunk, he's abusive. 

Underlying all of Linda's issues is her belief that she's not good enough. She is sure that her birth mother didn't want her. I find it interesting how universal this assumption is. Kids who are neglected emotionally will think badly of themselves. They believe they are faulty in some way. They never blame the negligent on the selfish adults. They blame themselves. This is so sad. 

As time passes, Linda gains access to her adoption records. Upon reading, "[Birth] Mother is quite disturbed in separation from child" written by a caseworker, she realizes that she indeed was a wanted child. 

The "two hearts" are a very special part of Linda's story that I don't want to give away. 

TWO HEARTS, although heartbreaking at times, is ultimately a story of triumph, of overcoming obstacles and healing past hurts. It will offer comfort and insight to those who've been adopted but there are universal truths that will mean something to the rest of us as well. 

Book Review: Leaving The Hall Light On

THE TV SHOW 60 MINUTES ran a segment recently that addressed the issue of mental illness and the mistreatment of patients by the current mental health care system. There is a cycle: patients are at risk of becoming a danger to themselves or others and are admitted to a psychiatric facility. Doctors prescribe medication which stabilizes the patient. The patient is then released. Back in society, the patient stops taking the meds, destabilizes and is readmitted. And the cycle continues. Pardon my bluntness here but how freaking asinine is this? 

I have to admit that this harmful inefficiency makes me angry. In this modern day and age, how can we continue to employ a system that mistreats and neglects the needs of vulnerable citizens and their families? It's not right and it needs to change. 

This flawed system is what Madeline Sharples and her husband Bob were up against when they discovered their son Paul had bi-polar disorder. And for them, like so many, the cycle ended tragically with Paul's suicide. 

Madeline's riveting account takes us back to how a sweet, young boy with incredible talent and promise devolved into a young man with a disorder that confounded them. Eventually they get a diagnosis but they need so much more. 

In some ways, I know what Madeline went through. In 2005, my best friend ended her life in her psych ward room a few hours after I left her there.* This just goes to show that the system has a long way to go. 

Although I disagree on a few of Madeline's conclusions and beliefs. Her book is worth reading if you've been through a similar experience. It helps to know that you're not alone and that others have felt that same guilt, anger and emotional agony over not just the loved one suffering but the system designed to help them. As she wrote, "His moods controlled mine." Totally understandable when you love a child with every fiber of your being and want the best for them. It's a gut-wrenching way to live but could be so much easier if the system were revamped. We can hope.    

(*You can read the complete account in The Moment I Knew. See sidebar.) 

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Growing Up Country ~~ Book Review

HI PEEPS! BOOK REVIEW TIME!

With darkness now prevailing on the garden around 7 PM, I'm forced indoors and have more time to devote to my other love, reading! I recently finished Carol Bodensteiner's memoir Growing Up Country: Memories of An Iowa Farm Girl. 

To be honest, I wasn't sure what I would think while reading this book. Although I spent a good portion of my childhood in the country, it wasn't on a farm, with cows and chores and family dinners and parents that cared. But a few pages in and I was hooked. 

As a child, Carol--also known as "Squirt" by her endearing father--is a valued member of the family and farm. As she grows, so do her responsibilities. But Carol doesn't eschew hard work, she relishes it, proud  to please her parents and feel useful. 

I could not do the work of an adult at that age. But the work I did, the work all three of us kids did, had meaning. Everything we took on lessened the load Dad and Mom carried. Everything they asked us to do increased our sense of value to ourselves and to our family and the farm. And because Dad and Mom valued what I did, that was the best gift of all.  (Page 77)

So, what was I thinking as I read Growing Up Country? For one thing, I was thinking that life on an Iowa dairy farm is so not for wusses! Hard work from sun up 'til sundown was the norm. There were no sick days and it took a pretty strong constitution to tackle some not-so-pretty tasks. But there is also lots of delightful play time for children.  

I was also thinking that I wish I could have had this book when my kids were growing up. It would have made a perfect next-century follow-up to the Little House on the Prairie series. 

Growing Up Country, written with humor and affection, is the quintessence of the heartland and a vital account of American history. 

Book Review: Truth Be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey

MY FIRST ENCOUNTER OCCURRED when I was around 11 years old. My brain couldn't make sense of that weird kid at school, likely because at that point in my life, I took things at face value. Questioning life's peculiarities seemed only to invite more confusion and my plate was already quite full.

Fast forward to a few months ago. I was walking down the aisle at the grocery store. Another shopper came towards me in the opposite direction. The person wore a black miniskirt with matching leather jacket and heals that made my ankles hurt just by looking at them. Long, black hair swooshed back and forth as this peculiarity strolled past me towards the freezer aisle. That same confusion from decades earlier came rushing back to my consciousness as it had other times when confronted with this particular situation.

"I saw a transvestite at the store," I confessed to Sandra, my coworker that afternoon. I described his/her attire and how confused I was because, despite an air of femininity, it was obvious that this was a man. "My brain doesn't connect with people like this," I told her. "My brains identifies male or female but for this person the lines were blurred and I didn't know what to think. It was disconcerting." 

Sandra let me know that she shares similar confusion. We talked a bit longer, each of us fueling the other with disparaging comments, unfit for inclusion here, I confess. Transgenders are easy targets for mocking. 

Click here to read more or purchase this book. 

Fast forward to a few weeks ago. I began reading Alexandra Bogdanovic's memoir Truth Be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey, an absorbing account of a wife being confronted with her husband's Gender Identity Disorder (GID) or Gender Dysphoria. 

Alexandra and Adam are madly in love. Following their fairy tale wedding, they begin their very active lives together, working and playing hard. Alexandra dismisses little oddities such as why she has to spend the first day of their married life alone and perhaps it's this active life that keeps her distanced from her husband's sometimes peculiar behavior. 

After a two-year marriage, with the help of Adam's therapist, Alexandra learns of her husband's decision to "make his body match his mind" or live as a woman. A painful divorce follows and then Alexandra must come to terms with the horrendous betrayal that shattered her dreams. She has good friends and a healthy support system but, understandably, it takes about a decade for Alexandra to heal.  

In the final chapters of Truth Be Told, Alexandra wisely cites studies done on people with GID. These statistics and bits of a TV show narrated by Lisa Ling serve to humanize what GID is and how difficult and painful it can be for everyone involved. She also points out the inherent stigma surrounding GID and how society's ignorance fuels abuse for these already hurting people. 

I always thought of transgender types as nightclub-going, cross-dressers, people who got their jollies in weird ways, a sort of bizarre underworld or something. I never really thought about GID being a psychological condition or perhaps a yet-unidentified biological anomaly. More importantly, I never thought about how difficult it must be to struggle with gender identity, to be living in an atomically incorrect body. 

I readily confess that Truth Be Told: Adam Becomes Audrey has challenged my thinking and prejudice against people with GID. I will look at them differently now. The older I get the more I realize I don't know about the human condition. And the more I realize how important compassion is. 

Thank you Alexandra. 

Tooting My Horn!

HOW IS EVERYONE? I hope you're doing well. Would a little horn-tooting offend you all? I know it's kind of annoying when people wax eloquently about how awesome they are. So mindful of that, I'll try to keep my awesomeness in check and just repeat the accolades I've been receiving since my memoir REACHING hit the market. Thank you to each person who visits my blog. Your friendship and support make me smile. Talk about awesome...it's all of YOU! 

Toot, toot!

[Grace] writes with a raw honesty, vivid imagery and an urgent tension that kept me engaged and turning the pages until the end. By the end I felt I had walked her path from abused child to vulnerable adult to an empowered woman who has survived the journey and is grateful for her life. This is a riveting and satisfying heroine's journey through spiritual abuse to recovery. --Kathy 

It's the writing that will keep you coming back for more in this memoir. Grace uses her observations of nature, her descriptions of family and friends, her unique "take" on childhood events, her dreams -- all to draw her into her world, see life through her eyes, and want to help her brake free. An amazing read, truly. -- Laura.

[Grace] tackles uncomfortable topics with poise, but does not hide from them. A beautiful read that reminds us both how frail humans can be and how much we can overcome. -- Julie. 

In this memoir vivid details of both events and perceptions create a fast-moving emotional train, hard to step from until it stops--a unique, breathtaking story, told so well and so intimately that the reader is helpless to do anything but turn the next page. It's a book I will never forget. -- Linnie. 

Grace's story is very interesting, and she tells the story in a very engaging way. Without parental nurturing, we could all be tempted to follow a reckless path. --Everhopeful. 

In telling her story of abuse and the subsequent emotional nightmare in such a compelling way, Peterson will touch readers, including those have experienced abuse themselves. Her own journey to healing will inspire and give hope to others who struggle with a past that seems to sentence them to a life of pain. In her book, Peterson writes of "reaching" for healing, for rescue, for love. With her book, she is also "reaching" out to others who are looking for the same things. -- Tina. 

I received the book in the mail on Friday.  I finished the last 20 pages Sunday morning.  You guys, it was SO GOOD.  It was heart-breaking, and horribly sad, but it's so beautifully written.  I loved reading it.  I was in a hurry to finish it, but at the same time, I didn't want it to end. -- Mindy. 

Love to you all.

Laura Dennis

ONE OF THE PLEASURES of being semi-Internet savvy (code for Internet Junkie) is the relationships that form. Although many of you are logistically too far away to get to know face to face, the computer screen can and does bring us together. Don't you love this about technology? 

One of the really cool people I've had the pleasure of "meeting" online, is Laura Dennis. She is a fellow memoirist who lives far, far away in Belgrade, Serbia. A few months ago I reviewed her book, Adopted Reality. You can read it here. 

Recently, Laura read my memoir, Reaching and posted a review on Amazon. She also sent me a series of questions focusing on the odd relationship I had with my mother. You can read them and the answers by clicking here. 

Thank you Laura for your friendship and for sharing your insights and encouragement. It's an honor to be acquainted with you. 

Love to you all...

Don't Call Me Mother~~ Book Review

SOME WOMEN ARE LUCKY. They talk to their mother every day. They go shopping or on trips  with their mother. They make special meals. Share garden plants, books, recipes, jokes. Some mothers and daughters have a very special bond--a combination of family and friendship, blood and water if you will. 

I'm not one of those women. I don't have a bond with my mother. For reasons I've never understood, the bond just isn't there and never has been. Fortunately I have a close relationship with my sister. She and I have spent a lot of time commiserating and exploring the reasons why our mother was never a mother and the emotional scars we deal with because of this.

Linda Joy Myers is another of the unlucky women. She grew up with a mother who was unavailable emotionally and physically. Her memoir Don't Call Me Mother chronicles her life from earliest recollections  onward. Train stations, waiting... Hoping that the sight of her mother would erase the accumulation of doubts, longings and hurts.   

A mysterious liaison exists between Linda's mother and grandmother. When Linda's mother is unable or unwilling to care for little Linda, grandmother takes over but the job is fraught with her own inner turmoils. The result is that Linda spends her childhood being abused in ways that no child should ever have to endure. 

Today, Linda is a vibrant woman with a gift for writing and encouraging others. And more importantly she has broken the chain of mother-daughter abandonment that spans several previous generations. She is a fully-engaged mother of her  two grown children. I applaud Linda for sharing her story. How she was able to turn her turmoil into triumph is inspiring. 

Book Review: Adopted Reality

SEQUESTERED TO THE COUCH with a killer head cold, you search for an upside to the sad predicament you find yourself in. Days on end spent tossing and turning, eventually, the virus reaches its finale and you feel like living again. Maybe you're not 100% yet but you can at least look at something besides the inside of your eyelids. And since this interim convalescence just happens to take place over a weekend you don't have to feel guilty about lying around doing nothing for hours on end. And besides, you have a book that's been sitting on the shelf for, like, ever. 

And by you I mean me. By time, I mean this past weekend. And the book is, Adopted Reality by Laura Dennis. This week, I'm back to work, feeling much better and I've finished the book! I just love multi-tasking.

Laura Dennis is one of the names I'm familiar with from the world of Internet memoir writing forums. She's very smart, with movie star good looks and she's an American expatriate, living in Bosnia with her husband and family. I can't remember where I won her book but several months ago my name was picked from a random drawing. Lucky me! 

Laura's memoir, Adopted Reality is a page-turner. The story begins with a tornado of events that sound as if they're right out of a spy novel. But this is real--a perfect storm that was seeded decades earlier when Laura was adopted into a family with strong Catholic convictions. With a verbally abusive father and the church fueling her burgeoning fears, Laura strives for perfection and acceptance, unwittingly alienating her peers and feeding her self-doubts about belonging. Eventually she is drawn into the world of dance with all of its physical and mental demands--perfect for her high-energy and drive towards perfectionism.

There is no disputing that society still has a problem with mental illness. Regardless of where the stigma originates, it's fueled by ignorance and intolerance. Better information is the way to change that. When the events of a person's life are laid out as succinctly and dramatically as they are in Adopted Reality, it becomes understandable how an otherwise normal person could succumb to a mental breakdown. This is the take-home message of this absorbing memoir.

Stories like Laura's need to be told. If for no other reason, so the rest of us can develop more compassion and understanding for the hurting among us. Put this one on your "to read" list!

P.S. Thank you Kathleen Pooler, for reminding me that I won Adopted Reality by commenting on your awesome blog, Memoir Writer's Journey. If you haven't visited Kathy's wonderful blog, please do. You'll like it. 

  

Book Review: Bebe & Friends--Tails of Rescue

A FEW DAYS AGO, I was skimming the online newspaper and saw a sad article. A local couple decided to euthanize their pit bull. Although, "Major" was a gentle, loving pet, he had been involved in two scuffles so the police were impounding him, declaring Major a, "dangerous animal." After consulting other pit bull owners who, after a lengthy court process had been forced to euthanize their pets, the couple felt it was more humane to put Major down than to force him to live in captivity interminably, while the courts decided his fate.

This begs a few questions that probably can't be answered. First, is animal aggression part of a dog's temperament--nature or does it surface as a result of the dog's environment--nurture? Do pit bulls start out docile and become aggressive by unscrupulous pet owners? Or is the aggression trained out of them by responsible owners? Are pit  bulls being unfairly vilified? I know my friend Annie, a pit bull owner herself, believes they are. 

Amazon image

I'm sure there are no easy answers but on the subject of animals, I'm in the middle of reading a very heartwarming book about animal rescue titled, Bebe & Friends: Tails of Rescue by Jean Rodenbough.

Bebe & Friends, is a collection of short stories detailing real-life pet perils and how kindhearted humans rescue  these poor babies and provide them with the love and warmth that all animals deserve. And of course, the animals return the favor by loving their people.

At a time when our world is so full of craziness and corruption, it feels really refreshing to get a glimpse at the goodness and decency of humanity. Countering the dreaded doom of daily news with Bebe & Me will make anyone's day brighter. 

Oh and before I go, the winners of my giveaway are, Lorraine, Tina and Jennifer. Thank you to all of you who commented. I'll have another giveaway soon. Promise. 

Book Review: Emotional Orphans: Healing Our Throwaway Children

Humans can bear an incredible amount of pain if we don't feel alone with it. -- Cate Shepherd 

Emotional Orphans: Children who are abused and neglected and for self-preservation have turned off their trust instincts and no longer have a connection with adults. Believing no one cares about them, they often act out either by hurting themselves or others and are often incorrectly diagnosed with behavior or mental health pathologies. This is my definition after reading Dr. Cate Shepherd's book.  

I've always had an interest in psychology. I am intrigued with how people think and the ways in which our core beliefs affect our attitudes and behaviors. As an emotional orphan myself, when I discovered Dr. Cate Shepherd's poignant book Emotional Orphans: Healing Our Throwaway Children, I knew it was a book I had to read. 

In Emotional Orphans, Dr. Shepherd takes us inside her thriving therapy practice and we meet several of the emotional orphans she's counseling. They start out rough around the edges, often downright scary but Dr. Shepherd is not only astute but incredibly compassionate as she wisely looks beyond the hardened facades of these emotionally damaged children in her care. Through consistent validation of not only their deepest hurts but also their dreams and gifts, she is able to break down the self-protecting barriers and get her patients to trust her and bond, often for the first time.  

But if life weren't challenging enough, Dr. Shepherd must also deal with headstrong supervisors and twisted office politics and worse, her own painful past. She finds help with wise mentor Dr. Harry Young. (We should all be so lucky.) As a trusted colleague, he offers pointers on how to help her patients but also becomes her therapist as she seeks to come to terms with the horrific pain she suffered growing up. 

This book offers tremendous insight into human behavior and the emotional needs we all have. Dr. Shepherd deftly shows how parents foist their unhealed traumas upon their young, repeating the cycle of abuse. She also humanizes the figures we see--and often avoid--every day. The thug with tattoos and leather waiting at the bus stop. The young mother at the 7-11 with a toddler on her hip and a cigarette between her fingers--society's emotional orphans. 

Of the many takeaway messages within this highly relevant book is that all humans have the same basic needs. We need to be loved and validated. We need to feel safe and respected. Dr. Shepherd shows us that people's sometimes terrifying outward behaviors are actually desperate cries for help. She then shows us how she gifts her patients with her respect and consistence with life-changing results. 

I wish every person on the planet could read this book. What a difference it would make in how we treat one another. 

Emotional Orphans is available on Amazon. Visit Cate's website for more information.

UPDATE: I just learned that Emotional Orphans will be free for the Kindle tomorrow, cyber Monday. 

   

As always, 

Book Review: Little Madhouse on the Prairie

AS THOSE OF YOU WHO frequent this blog are aware, I have a strong interest for the memoir genre. I like the drama of a real-life story. I get a thrill out of reading how everyday people overcome adverse circumstances and develop a richer understanding of life. I admire memoirists because they're not wimps. They're gutsy. 

Recently, I "met" gutsy Marion Witte online and just finished reading her memoir, Little Madhouse on the Prairie: True Life Story of Overcoming Abuse and Healing the Spirit. (Angel Heart Publishing 2012) It tells the story of a sweet little girl who grew up on the North Dakota prairie. Deemed a "willful" child, Marion's mother took her discipline methods much, much too far. You can see the effects of that extremism on Marion's kindergarten photo both in her sad eyes and the bruises on her cheeks and forehead. 

While Marion's mother was exacting her rage on her children, Marion's father was either out working the farm or out working on another drink at the town bar. Marion was abandoned. 

The resilience of a little girl who grew up having never received tenderness amazes me. But Marion grew and despite a phase of self-destruct during high school, devoted herself to creating a better future. College coursework was easy for Marion and she earned a degree in accounting. Eventually though, the unhealed trauma of her youth became too much and in order to move forward, Marion had to go back. She shares the many methods and insights she learned to come to grips with her past and heal the emotional wounds. 

As heartbreaking as it is to read, this book will offer hope and encouragement to anyone dealing with similar issues. There is hope in the message. And an understanding that, if Marion can survive and thrive, I can too.

Book Review: Second Wind

I'VE NEVER STOOD FACE to face with Cami Ostman but we "met" several months ago when I followed up on a lead for a potential writing project. Cami was issuing a call for submissions on women who've experienced extreme religion. Fast forward to now and I'm thrilled to say that Cami liked my essay and it will be published in an anthology due out next spring. I'll post more on this later. 

With a pile of "to read" books stacked on my nightstand, I finally read Cami's fascinating memoir, Second Wind: One Woman's Midlife Quest To Run Seven Marathons on Seven Continents (Seal Press, 2010). I'm glad I did. 

I was once a fairly dedicated runner. My most extravagant jaunt took place in the middle of a blue Caribbean ocean as I propelled my then-thin body around the uppermost deck of a Princess cruise ship. But I've got nothing on Cami. 

In 2001, after a failed marriage, Cami began questioning many of the religious beliefs she'd grown up with. Struggling with deep depression, she found that running offered a way for her to clear her head and find her way.

It takes a tremendous amount of physical as well as mental and emotional endurance to run 26 miles. Sore muscles are normal and expected. A marathoner must summon inner strength to override the body's desire to hang it up. Crossing the finish line affirms the runner's tenacity and can't help but build her self esteem.

Not only does the reader go with Cami to seven continents to tackle these tremendous challenges, but we go inside her head to understand what drives her, what hinders her and ultimately what she learns about her life. She calls it a "Vision Quest." 

I liked the way Cami personified her many-faceted psyche. Along the way, we are introduced to the "Bitch," "Inner Wisdom," the "Warrior" and the "Princess." All are vital in helping Cami succeed. And all of us have these same parts of ourselves whether we run marathons, tend a garden, change diapers or help the homeless. You don't need to be a marathoner to "get" Cami's book, to hear the message and apply it inwardly.

Cami has a Facebook page with lots of cool photos of her travels and triumphs. As a licensed therapist, Cami's website and blog reveal her passion for helping others achieve their best as she has so admirably done. You'll like this book.

Book Review: A Silence of Mockingbirds

WHEN I DISCOVERED THAT the setting for Karen Spears Zacharias' memoir, A Silence of Mockingbirds: The Memoir of a Murder was Corvallis, Oregon, I had to get my hands on a copy. Corvallis is where I spend a good deal of my daytime hours. In other words, it's where I work and is just a few miles from where I live.

Of course, like any good book, once I got started, it was difficult to put down. 

When Sarah Brill was a teenager, she lived with Ms. Spears Zacharias (heretofore referred to as "Karen"). Karen loved Sarah as much as her own children and sought to be a positive influence in this young woman's troubled life. Eventually, Sarah launched out to find her way in the world. She married David Sheehan, an engineer at HP and the two settled in Corvallis. Not long after, she gave birth to a daughter, Karly. 

Years passed. One day, a providential reunion brought Karen face to face with Sarah. When asked about Karly, Sarah was evasive and would only say, "She's dead." Desperate for an explanation, Karen's training as an investigative reporter took over and the next thing she knew she was rifling through court documents, scheduling interviews and listening to a hysterical 911 tape. 

Karen's passion for the truth is evident throughout her book. Leaving no stone unturned, she seeks and finds answers to the myriad questions inevitably raised with such a complicated set of circumstances. The reader is right there with her while the jury hears testimony that will eventually convict the perpetrator of a horrific crime.

You'll have your own opinions about the complicity of Sarah in the murder of her daughter. You'll feel Karly's father, David's pain and frustration. Once you're finished with the book, you'll still be haunted by it and grieve the senseless loss not only of dear sweet Karly but all victims of child abuse.

Karen tells of David's efforts to memorialize his daughter. At Avery Park, just a few blocks from where I work, is a plaque attached to a lively play structure built in Karly's honor. The setting is beautiful. Green grass, bird song, tall trees swaying gently with the afternoon breeze. 

Without being preachy, the book is a wake-up call. All of us need to be aware of the signs of child abuse. And we need to be brave enough to report anything that looks amiss. And we need to have diligent lawmakers and experts protecting the most vulnerable citizens. 'Nuf said. Thank you for listening.

You can see photos of Karly and her father and read more about the author by going to: http://karenzach.com/

Book Review: Reform at Victory

HAVING SPENT THE BETTER part of two decades immersed in extreme religion, I always welcome the opportunity to familiarize myself  with stories of other survivors of this particular set of abuses. Recently I had the pleasure of reading Michele Ulriksen's memoir Reform At Victory. (Pizan Media, 2008)

At 16, Michele is like most teenagers, pacing her looming adulthood by progressively distancing herself from her parents and their rigid lifestyle and rules of conduct. One night, while slinking back into her bedroom after hours of drinking, her parents catch her in the act. Next thing she knows, chain link barricades her dejected spirit as the family car speeds off in a trail of dust. A year at the fundamentalist, Baptist, all-girl, locked-down, Victory Christian Academy will get Michele right with God. 

As you can imagine, Michele is both devastated and traumatized. She feels intensely rejected by her parents and intensely angry at the abusive staff who waste no time confiscating her personal freedoms in an effort to expedite conformity. 

Ms. Ulriksen does a stellar job of describing the gamut of feelings and reactions to what she describes as "prison life." While sequestered in the dark closet of the "Get Right" room, with Christian music and then the voice of Jerry Falwell blaring just outside the door, she contemplates suicide. Instead she bites her nails down until they bleed. 

Her disdain for Brother Patrick is palpable. Although she alters the physical characteristics of the players, the reader still gets the fact that Brother P is not an attractive person in any way. He believes he's doing God's work and apparently has no qualms about referring to the girls in his charge as "whoremongers" "drug addicts" and "brats." 

As the months drag on and Michele has very limited contact with her family, she begins to soften somewhat. She makes friends and climbs the ranks to the status of trusted and coveted Helper. However, although Michele conforms for appearances, she can't or won't adopt the mindset of the people who have imprisoned her.  What she does do, however, is successfully parse religion from God. Her disgust for organized religion fuels her passion to understand God. 

Still, the isolation takes its toll. Once her tenure is over, she admits, 

I find myself judging people by their bumper stickers and the way they look. I hadn't done this before going to Victory. In a way, judging people is what we were taught to do. In every sermon, Brother P would put people down who were different from him... He said they were all lost. 

Understandably, despite Michele's release from Victory, she's not happy. It takes several more miles down the bumpy road of life before she comes to a place of healing. Her purpose for writing the book is to alert parents of what really goes on behind the gates of such facilities--commendable indeed. 

My only complaint about Reform at Victory is that it could have used more editing. Although for a self published book it flows well and the writing is good, a grammarian could have polished the scattering of smudges.

~~~~~ 

After posting the above blog entry, I went online to find Ms. Ulriksen to let her know I posted a review of her book. I discovered that she died in February of this year of an apparent overdose. I'm in shock.

Michele, May you finally have the peace that passes all understanding. Your legacy will live on. 

Guest Post By Linda Hoye

One of my goals for this blog is to provide a forum for fellow writers. Today, I'm proud to announce, my first guest blogger, Linda Hoye. Without further ado, here's Linda. 

There are approximately six to eight million adoptees in the United States and seven million adoptees in Canada. Despite the fact that 64 percent of Americans and one in five Canadians have a personal experience with adoption in that they themselves, a family member, or a close friend were adopted, the subject remains on of society's most stigmatized poorly understood phenomena. 

The secrecy of closed adoption hurts those the process was intended to protect and my goal with Two Hearts: An Adoptee's Journey Through Grief to Gratitude is to help bring awareness to the need for honesty and openness in the adoption experience. 

I was given away at birth and joined my adoptive family when I was five months old. My name was changed, records containing information about my birth family were sealed and I was given a new birth certificate with the names of my adoptive parents on it. It was as if I had never existed before I was adopted. I grew up feeling like I had been dropped onto the earth from nowhere. I had no concept of having been born. 

My adoptive parents died when I was barely in my twenties and while I eventually connected with some members of my birth family, there was never a reunion with the woman who gave me life and I continued to feel lost, rejected and disconnected from everything and everyone. I struggled to cope with profound grief related to the loss of my family of origin and my adoptive family. 

When I was fifty-years old, my granddaughter was born and my world shifted. That little red-headed girl changed everything for me and in order to be the kind of grandma I wanted to be, I knew I had to come to terms with the bitterness I still carried toward my birth mother. By that time, laws had changed in Saskatchewan, Canada, where I was born and I was able to get a copy of my adoption file where I found what I needed to allow me to forgive my birth mother and find the sense of personal rightness that had eluded me. 

I hope Two Hearts will offer hope to other adoptees who, for whatever reason, may never be able to be reunited with their birth mothers. Healing from adoption-related grief is possible. 

I fervently hope Two Hearts will be a voice to those who make the laws around adoption. People need to understand the wounding and shame many adoptees carry and the importance of allowing them access to the truth about who they are and where they came from. 

Alex Haley, bestselling author of Roots: The Saga of An American Family summed it up: "In all of us there is a hunger, marrow-deep, to know our heritage--to know who we are and where we came from. Without this enriching knowledge, there is a hallow yearning. No matter what our attainments in life, there is still a vacuum, an emptiness and the most disquieting loneliness." 

Linda Hoye is a writer, editor, adoptee and somewhat fanatical grandma. Her memoir Two Hearts: An Adoptee's Journey Through Grief to Gratitude will offer hope and inspiration to anyone whose life has been touched by adoption. She currently lives in the state of Washington with her husband and their two Yorkshire terriers, but Saskatchewan, Canada will always be her heart’s home. Connect with Linda on her blog, A Slice of Life Writing.