That Time of Year Again...Maybe?

As some of you know, I'm having a hard time getting back into the groove of writing. The issues I've been having with my MS have really knocked me down, and the getting back up has been surprisingly difficult. Even now, after sorting it all out in a way I'm happy with, I'm struggling to get motivated.

Thinking on this, I recalled a few weeks last year where I had a really hard time with my writing. I was so unmotivated and frustrated that I was pretty much ready to give up. Turns out, that happened in late July, early August.

Hm.

It has me wondering if there's just something about this time of year for me. Luckily, it only lasted a few weeks last time and I was pounding out words again. Let's hope that's the case this time as well. I'm miserable!

How often do you get into a writing funk? Is there a time of year that seems to affect your writing? How do you deal? Do you push through or wait until motivation and inspiration strike again?

NaNo: Day the Seventeenth

Confession No. One: I'm really beginning to struggle.

I flew through the scenes that I had actually outlined and planned to write and now I've already reached the end of the story. The problem being, of course, that it's only 30k words and it has a ton of holes. So, basically, I've lost the momentum I had because I'm now bogged down with trying to come up with all the filler scenes it's missing. It's much more time-consuming, so the writing is slower-going. This is not good for someone with my sort of issues.

Confession No. Two: The weekends suck the writing life out of me.

I don't know what it is, but when the weekend rolls around I do awful at NaNo. Maybe it's because the Other is home or maybe some strange lethargy overtakes me from Saturday morning to Monday morning, but I just can't seem to get my butt in gear on the weekends. All I'm going to add is that my word count totally blew for the last three days and I'm glad I was far enough ahead to absorb the blow.

Confession No. Three: I REALLY want to start something new. *Whine, whine, whine*

It's been incredibly hard to keep working through my NaNo novel and it's becoming increasingly harder. I'm VERY tempted to make a hard line, page down, and start a completely new story in the same document that I've been working in. Technically it wouldn't be wrong, er, exactly, since it would still all be writing I have done in November, but I fear I'd just be cheating myself by not sticking with my current project. After all, part of the reason I wanted to do this was to push myself to complete something since it's been so long. I'm stuck in a rut. For now, I'm prevailing but it's certainly getting harder...

Well, in conclusion, I'm not sure how my word count will pan out for the Wednesday check-in, but I'm setting a new goal of being at 40k by Friday night. It feels like a realistic, enticing goal and I know once I'm there it will give me the drive I need to hit 50k.

Here's hoping at least! How goes the NaNo war for you other brave participants?

Realizations on Reality

I’m one of those people that is good or mediocre at a little of everything. I’ve tried a lot of different hobbies hoping to find something I’m immediately genius at. It’s ridiculous, I know, but it’s something I haven’t been able to shake. Maybe it’s the era of instant gratification I’ve grown up in, but I always give up on things before I’ve even had a chance to get really good at them – all because I want to be immediately fabulous at something and find my place (as it were) in the world.

Writing has been my one constant, which is why I hold on to it so tightly. I’ve been writing since I was rather little but it’s always been pretty directionless. Because of this, I don’t think I’ve come very far. The main improvements I see in my writing are things like grammar and sentence structure and, mainly, I have college to thank for that (and they still need improving.) It’s only been this past year that I’ve really set out to learn the art of creating and shaping a novel, but it’s certainly not easy. I feel like there is entirely too much to learn and it’s even harder learning how to spot and implement these gems into my writing.

I was pondering this little annoying tidbit about myself this morning and decided it probably explains my occasional, recurring desire to give up. In reality though, given how long I’ve been writing without really giving up on it, I think it’s essentially “my thing.” It’s just that I need to put the time and effort into learning the craft, to shape my love of writing into something other people find worth their time to read. So what if I’m not naturally genius at it? If it means enough to me, I can succeed despite this unrealistic standard I have for myself, right? I think so, and I think I really needed to come to this realization.

So, now a question for my writer readers: What method of learning caused the highest level of improvement in your writing? What would you suggest I do to improve? I already read and write a lot, so where is the next best place to focus my desire to learn?

Working Out the Issues

My attitude is severely improved now with much thanks to all the kind, fellow-writers who offered their support these past few weeks. It looks like we all have times where we struggle with our writing and in many ways we all go through similar thoughts, torments, and doldrums.

Much to my surprise, my new novel idea is coming together pretty well. I'm not sure if it takes the cake on the other projects I have waiting around, but I'm not about to let something go that has me excited and writing again. Besides, it has romance, mystery, adventure, teen orphans, my modern rendition of evil scientist, and gargoyles with fabulous personalities. How can I not write that? Just for the fun of it, if nothing more.

So, a big thank you to everyone who has helped me through my awful phase of doubt and best wishes to you all on your own writing careers! I'll be keeping up with everyone via your blogs!

Maybe It's Not Over

I was really in breakup mode with my writing last week, as evidenced by my pathetic give-up post, but perhaps our relationship isn't over after all.

No, no - I still haven't written anything, but apparently I can't stop thinking like a writer. I've been doing a lot of reading to pass the time, and otherwise filling my days with wonderful mommy moments and dreadful cleaning binges, but each time I finish a good book I get that niggling. That fervent desire to write something - to publish - to create characters that leap off the page and bond with their reader. I even got a spark of an idea! But it's just another small idea that needs major developing and nurturing. I don't know if it will ever go anywhere.

I guess I'd place myself in writer's limbo right now. I'll no longer say I should give up (because you're right, I shouldn't) but I still feel like I need to let this fly for awhile and not force myself. We'll see what comes of it.

If anything, I'm at least encouraged that I couldn't shut down my writer instinct, even when I really was feeling like parting ways was for the best.

It Think It's Finally Happened...

Writer's block.

What can I say? I was a nonbeliever in writer's block for a long time because it just wasn't a problem for me. To me it seemed like you either had the inspiration and drive or you didn't. Well, that theory has come to bite me in the butt. The funk I've been in has turned into full disability. If it's not writer's block, well, then I don't know what to call this phenomenon.

Even after finding that new determination and making plans on exactly how I was going to push through this, I've faltered and fallen flat.

Whatever WIP I open screams "bad, bad, bad," and "you don't have what it takes" at me. I read over anything I've written from four years ago to last week and I just can't stomach it. If I can't stand to read my own writing why should I expect anyone else to?

*Sigh*

My well of ideas seems to have dried up, too. I just can't think of a new idea that will spark my writer-drive and get me going again. Everything I think of just doesn't have the potential or it's only a fraction of an idea that needs a lot of developing, and then I can't figure out how to develop it into something fresh and original.

Am I just scared to admit to myself that I don't have what it takes? Writing is the one constant hobby I have had and sure I'll probably write off and on for the rest of my life, but I wanted it to be the thing I would actually be good at. The thing I could succeed at. I wanted to publish.

I think it might be time to let go of that dream.

A Problem Among Many

Sometimes it seems the more I invest in writing the less I have to show for it. I spend hours reading books, reading blogs, reading forums, researching, learning, etc. but I spend comparatively few hours writing.

The other problem is my injured confidence. I've become so focused on what supposedly works and what doesn't that I'll spend hours writing the same paragraph over and over trying to create the paragraph that will please the masses. I'm not letting my muse guide me anymore - I'm trying to force its hand. I don't need to consult the masters of muse to know this is NOT good.

But, I've recognized the problem and maybe I can step back from the expectations and muse-wielding to just focus on my writing. I'm sure hoping, cause what I'm doing right now is not getting me anywhere.

Has anyone else run into a similar problem in their writing journey?