When The Kissing Had To Stop - Constantine Fitz Gibbon

 WHEN THE KISSING HAD TO STOP -

CONSTANTINE FITZ GIBBON

Pulp fiction frenzy! Pulp fiction frenzy! Reveling in the tawdry! Reveling in the cheap!

And with that opening gambit I'm half-way to writing a song by The Fall, unpicking the lock to the secret of Mark E Smith's songwriting technique. That's not why I'm here, however. Rather, it's to lay down my thoughts on the latest book I've happened to read so as to save anyone else the bother of having to read it themselves.

On picking this one up, it struck me that isn't British politics and all that we see in the news also pulp fiction? Boris Jonson was the opening chapter and now we're getting into the stride of the story having been introduced to the likes of Farage, Starmer and Kemi fucking Badenoch. But I digress.

Written and set in 1960, When The Kissing Had To Stop, by Constantine Fitz Gibbon is the stuff of Right-wing media fantasy, nightmare, and secret desire. It's the sentiment behind every 'What is the world coming to?' editorial comment you have ever read. It's the constipated howl at midnight from the Tory Old Guard. It's the mindset of the public school education system, on its knees but still begging for one more lash of the whip.

It opens with England in the throes of societal and moral collapse. London in particular seems to be going to the dogs with open prostitution everywhere, rampant knife-crime, race riots, and unchecked police violence. Moreover, there is a growing anti-nuclear Bomb movement hand-in-hand with escalating antipathy to American missiles being based on the mainland. All of this under a Conservative government who advocate for an Increased Powers Bill under which all police would be armed and their pay doubled. The Bill, however, is rejected by Parliament whose demand for closer parliamentary supervision of the police is denied. In a bid to gain a mandate, Parliament is dissolved and a snap general election is called.

Watching at the sidelines - or even actually pulling puppet strings - is Russia who suddenly advocate unilateral nuclear disarmament beginning with the dismantling of their rockets in Poland. On the coat-tails of this historic decision the Labourite Anti-Nuclear Bomb committee sweep to victory and with this all American missile bases within the UK are closed.

It's all a communist plot, of course, and from thereon Russia is free to subvert, manipulate and through connivance and stealth take over British politics for its own ends, leading ultimately to the complete take-over of England as whole. Though not before the Royal Family manage to flee to Canada, so suggesting not quite everything is lost in the end...

The thing about When The Kissing Had To Stop is that actually it's a very well-written book and clearly written with serious intent. Russian interference in British politics is a serious issue and obviously of great concern to the author. It's a serious message he's conveying and he wants it to be taken seriously.

The problem with the book, however, is in its politics in that it is the politics of the Tory Old Guard where 'British traditions' and 'British values' are always to their advantage and the crumbs are for the masses. It is the politics of The Daily Telegraph newspaper and the Daily Mail where fear of an egalitarian society reigns supreme. It is the politics of the ladder pulled-up and the drawbridge closed. The politics of stranglehold on power. The politics of death grip.

For all that, When The Kissing Had To Stop is weirdly fascinating but in the same way that watching a slow motion car-crash can be. It's like the revealing of a Tory firebrand's sexual proclivities with prostitutes at the back of King's Cross railway station, where you nod along sagely because it comes as no surprise. When The Kissing Had To Stop is weird but weird well-written. Rather like The Telegraph and the Daily Mail, in fact.

John Serpico

Mama - Peter Cave

 MAMA - PETER CAVE

Yet more pulp fiction dredged up from second-hand bookshops on the East Devon coast, this time from the mean and dark backstreets of a place called Dawlish. I keep getting writers Peter Cave and Richard Allen mixed-up as they both during the 1970s knocked out very similar, gratuitously violent types of books about Hells Angels and Skinheads that sold in surprisingly large numbers. It's an easy mistake to make as anyone aware of this genre might acknowledge. Mama, by Peter Cave, is the sequel to Chopper, the story of England's King of the Angels, and as the blurb on the back cover explains: 'Chopper may be dead but his girl lives on. Mama. A motorcycle groupie becomes Queen of the Hell's Angels'.

So what might be here for us to learn on perusal of this now classic cult book? Well, firstly, Peter Cave had a knack for giving his characters interesting names. For example: Danny the Deathlover. Can you imagine having that as a moniker?

We're also informed about how Hell's Angels can apparently at times be 'a force to reckon with, an army without fear or favour, a crusading band of renegades dedicated to the violence of revolution and social disruption'. And who am I to argue with that? Especially when at the wrong end of a bike chain wielded by some geezer in black leathers and steel-capped boots, sporting a swastika tattooed on his forehead. Self-preservation is my wont.

We also learn something of the alleged initiation process into the the Angels, involving vomit, urine, and phlegm, that could quite easily double-up as a video from under the counter of a 'specialist' shop in Amsterdam's Red Light district. And on that same subject, we also discover what 'pulling a train' means in regard to one girl and up to seventeen Angels in a row. Moreover, we learn of the Angel's code in regard to never running away from a fight, be it a physical one or a more metaphorical one as in achieving the dream of escaping to America where an Angel can ride easy upon its endless highways.

Mama is (as are all of Peter Cave's and Richard Allen's New English Library books from the Seventies) pulp fiction for the social anthropologist. It's the kind of book that Stewart Home has always wanted to write but has never quite managed to do so. At the time of its publication it was a gateway drug for disenfranchised children everywhere to start taking an interest in reading something other than Marvel comics. It's an insight into what scared anyone involved in the education system of the 1970s, fearing the influence it might have upon their young charges. Mama is an example of what is deemed 'low culture' by the self-appointed regulators and arbiters of what is passed as 'mainstream' culture.

Mama is also of course, rubbish, but it's cool rubbish given the seal of approval by your typical, home-grown kid on the street of any council estate or tower block of any dirty old town or city in England. Mama not only rocks but it rolls.

John Serpico

I, The Machine - Paul W Fairman

I, THE MACHINE - PAUL W FAIRMAN

Another sci-fi book that I've bought and read based solely on its cover. If only life could be as simple. Published in 1968 in larger print than usual for this kind of book, and 'printed on scientifically tinted non-glare paper for better contrast and less eyestrain'. Again, if only life could be as simple.

It's pretty obvious just from the cover that there's something odd about I, The Machine. It's Pop Art, isn't it? A mixture of collage, cut-up, and psychedelia. Story-wise, it's science fiction of the weird kind. It's science fiction on drugs.

I wonder if anyone has mentioned this drug aspect in any past reviews? I suspect not, so let's take one for the team and just consider it for a moment, shall we? If you were ever to indulge in a drug of the psychedelic kind, a non-user might be inclined to ask you what it's like? But actually, that's not the right question. Instead, what should be asked is 'What's it about?'. There's a bit of a difference between the two and it's an important enough difference to solicit the right answer. But how to explain that answer? How to put it into words?

There are echoes in I, The Machine of The Matrix, Zardoz, Logan's Run, The Time Machine, Forbidden Planet, and even One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest in the way that a mental asylum can be a metaphor for America. Set in the far-distant future where the earth has been devastated by war, what is left of civilization is now under a protective shield in a man-made world called Midamerica, where every conceivable need is catered for. It's the ultimate, fully-realized technocracy where no-one works, no-one struggles, and no-one is deprived. A world where every whim can be resolved at the touch of a button; maintained by robots and managed by an all-seeing eye of providence, not unlike The Orb's 'Huge Ever Growing Pulsating Brain That Rules From The Centre Of The Ultraworld'. Not unlike that which is symbolized and can be found on the Great Seal of the United States and on the back of a dollar bill.

From this world emerges one man - one citizen - by the name of Penway whose thoughts become troubling: 'An axiom shaped for him: There is no such thing as unreality. All things, from the most indestructible plastic to the vaguest of hallucinatory dreams, are real, and must be dealt with as such. Reality is nothing more than effect. Everything that impinges upon the human consciousness leaves a greater or lesser effect. Therefore, everything of which consciousness can become aware is real'.

Without even taking any drugs, they're the kind of thoughts that could easily fit into a Bill Hick's 'It's just a ride'-type monologue.

Things don't just stay at this level, however, for it's when the same citizen discovers a community of naked people living 'underground' who call themselves the Aliens that the shark is jumped, as they say.

'Penway felt electricity running through his nerves, sparking at his nerve ends as he saw her standing there. She had sprayed off her suit and was nude. This revealed a surprising thing. Jenka had a thick, darkly gold pubic growth. It was the first one Penway had ever seen. Few females allowed hirsute disfigurement of any description on their lower bodies. But instead of being shocked, Penway found himself erotically stirred. He had never seen anything so attractive. Noting the direction of his eye, Jenka lowered her own. "It is our badge," she said. "A symbol of the Aliens."'

From there on, revolution and the destruction of the eye of providence is in the offing.

I, The Machine is pulp fiction of the science fiction variety but as I maintain: the medium is not the message and it's yet more proof if needed that pulp fiction-type books are not to be belittled or viewed dimly; and that old, paperback pulp fiction books can often wield hidden treasures. That's not to say this particular one is some sort of long-buried, hidden gem but it's certainly a weirdly rarefied one.

John Serpico

The Rise, The Fall, And The Rise - Brix Smith Start

 THE RISE, THE FALL, AND THE RISE -

BRIX SMITH START

It's no reflection on Brix Smith Start but in an autobiography of 461 pages it's not until page 147 when Mark E Smith enters the story that things start to get interesting but then understandably so given him being the stuff of such cantankerous legend. Before this, it's all about Brix growing up in Los Angeles where she lived on some sort of ranch with her dysfunctional, psychiatrist father. Do we really need to know about the pet tortoise Brix had as a child? Well, no, not really but it's forgivable because such attention to detail bodes well for when she starts writing about her time in The Fall. And that's why we're all here, right? That's what we've come for?

Does The Rise, The Fall, And The Rise warrant our attention? Is it worth the effort of ploughing through what is a near-tome of a book? I would have to say yes but you need to have an interest in The Fall to act as a motivator as without that you might just as well read Viv Albertine's autobiography which if not better, is definitely shorter.

As I said, it's not until Mark E Smith enters the story that things start to get interesting but the high comedy starts when Brix leaves America in May of 1983 and flies to England to live with Mark in Manchester. 'I never expected Manchester to be so grim,' she writes 'Nobody smiled. Everybody looked so poor. All their clothes were drab. Where was the colour?'

In the taxi from Piccadilly train station to where Mark lives in Preston, Mark points out all the must-see sights of his beloved city: 'Look, Brixie, there's the Boddingtons Brewery! There's Strangeways Prison!' All Brix can see, however, are squat little buildings with the words 'Cash and Carry' spray-painted on their front windows. 'I didn't know what Cash and Carry meant,' she writes 'but I had a feeling it wasn't glamorous. It was a long way from Bloomingdale's, that's for sure.'

It's on arriving at Mark's flat for the first time, however, that the comedy goes from observational to full-on Monty Python:

'Shall I make you a cuppa?' Mark asks. 'Yes, please,' say Brix 'I'll get the milk. Where do you keep it?'

'Out the window,' Mark tells her .

'What do you mean, 'out the window'?'

Mark pushes open a sooty window at the back of the kitchen to reveal a cement ledge where perched precariously is a small bottle of milk, a pack of Danish back bacon, a carton of eggs and a loaf of Hovis white bread. Brix is incredulous. Perhaps this is a traditional resourceful British custom, she wonders?

'Where is your washing machine and dryer?' she asks.

'I wash me clothes in the bathtub,' Mark replies.

'Mark, there's no hot water!'

'You have to turn on the immersion heater, love.'

'What's an immersion heater?'

'Do you have a shower?'

'Of course.' Mark then proceeds to show Brix a bizarre hose-like contraption that you attach to the mouth of a tap.

Brix is aghast.

It must be said, this is first-class, top-notch comedy. Things get even more hilarious later on in the book, however, when Brix recites an anecdote about her sex escapade with Micky Mouse at Disneyland. I won't reveal the details but it's genuinely bizarre. And if Brix thought Manchester was a culture shock, she was in for a surprise on her first visit to Blackpool. Her mother and stepfather are coming over from America to visit so Brix asks Mark where they could take them? 

'Let's take them to Blackpool, it's great,' Mark says 'You'll like it, it's like Disneyland and it's by the seaside.'

'My family loves the beach,' Brix writes 'so we rented a car and drove to the most heinous place I've ever been to in my life. It was grim and freezing. They call the amusement park area Blackpool Pleasure Beach. The rides were like the rides of doom, rickety and old. Along the promenade they hang lights, grandiosely called 'illuminations'. They do this in lots of seaside towns. They looked like crude crappy candy canes in black and white. I've seen backwoods country carnivals with better lighting decoration. My mother turned to me and said 'This is the night of the living dead'.'

Brix's book isn't a constant stream of funny anecdotes, by any means. Mark E Smith, for example, is revealed as being a very naughty boy that leads to divorce between Brix and him. There's a lot of airing of dirty washing going on here but then that's the thing about autobiographies in that they allow this. It's probably the only place to do it, really. It's also the place, of course, to settle scores and on that point, Morrissey of The Smiths is but one of the targets. Did Morrissey name The Smiths after Mark E Smith? It's feasible. And what's worse: being fired from The Smiths crew for eating meat whilst on tour, or being fired from The Fall crew for eating a salad? It's obvious which one is the funniest and this also makes it obvious that without Mark E Smith having a central role in Brix's life, her story wouldn't be half as good and would certainly not be half as entertaining. And entertaining it most certainly is.

John Serpico

Fleshbait -David Holman and Larry Pryce

 FLESHBAIT - DAVID HOLMAN AND LARRY PRYCE

Pulp fiction of the lowest common denominator but Fleshbait by David Holman and Larry Pryce is also classic New English Library, published in 1979 and now long out of print. I paid a whole 20p for it but on googling it there's a copy for sale on AbeBooks for £114 and on eBay there's a copy going for £242. On Amazon there are no copies currently available but the price tag says 'Paperback from $1047'. Not that this means anyone is actually going to pay that amount but context is all, and that's the amounts being asked for.

Is it important that anyone be told what Fleshbait is about? Does it matter? Of course not, but as we're here, it's about a spillage of nuclear waste contaminating the rivers and coastline of Cornwall and in the process causing a mutation in fish. They suddenly become stronger and super-intelligent, and with this they're suddenly out for revenge against humankind for hunting them not just for food but also for sport. Suddenly the tables are turned and now it's humans that have become the prey.

There's some sort of environmental message here but for the most part it's ridiculous, mainly because we're talking fish. For sure, sharks and piranhas can be a bit scary but trout? It doesn't quite work. It's all written, however, with serious intent, with people being killed left, right, and center. It's all very breathless with no let-up in attempts to raise the terror stakes but in doing so it sometimes falls flat on its face.

For example: 'We lost our vicar early in the summer, he was strangled by a pike', as one of the characters says. For clarification, the vicar was actually strangled by fishing line whilst fishing for pike, not strangled by a pike's bare hands - or fins. And then there's this description of one of the characters: 'Gregg Travannion, skipper of the lugger Cornish Maid, leaned against the wall of the fish market smoking a stubby black cigar as he contemplated the price of pilchards, the weather and his worn tackle, in that order'. His 'worn tackle'. Make of that what you will.

For all this, there is actually a hint of a good idea here to do with nature hitting back at mankind. It's the kind of idea, however, that might have been dreamed up for a Dr Who series - Jon Pertwee 1970s style - which means the special effects are pretty naff and the acting overblown when not wooden. But Dr Who is classic, cult tv so this comparison in itself puts Fleshbait into the same cult category but in book form. Which means Fleshbait shouldn't be sniffed at and dismissed but rather acknowledged and appreciated for what it is.

John Serpico

Steal This Book - Abbie Hoffman

 STEAL THIS BOOK - ABBIE HOFFMAN

Steal This Book, by Abbie Hoffman, as described in the blurb on the back cover is 'A handbook of survival and warfare for the citizens of Woodstock Nation'. The question to ask, of course, is whether any of it still has any relevance? The answer is that due to it being written in 1970, the vast amount of the information it contains is useless as it's just too out of date. So, Steal This Book is a book of and for its time, and therefore in that alone it's now an irrelevance. Up to a point, at least.

All of the addresses and telephone numbers it lists are obviously obsolete as are practically all of the organizations it mentions. But what of the ideas? Or rather, what about the mindset it lays out? Well, if you need a manual and a guide on how to shoplift, then you probably shouldn't be shoplifting or even contemplating it in the first place. Likewise for making molotov cocktails. This sort of stuff should be instinctive and born of need not desire, and if there's no need to throw molotovs - only a desire to - then in my book you're basically fetishizing them. 

There's that scene in the BBC drama Our Friends In The North when the father confronts his son with the bag of submachine guns his son has stashed, that have been used in an attack upon the Spanish Embassy. 'You're kinky', the father says, to which his son doesn't really have an answer apart from 'There's a bloody war going on out there!'. The fetishization of molotov cocktails, pipe bombs and guns for the revolution is the equivalent of extreme virtue signaling but a lot more dangerous.

The same can also apply to the advocacy of shoplifting in the name of some noble cause. The problem being that once you start stealing, then all boundaries come down and you can start stealing from anyone and anything. I can remember as a kid being at the Stonehenge Free Festival and somebody stole a pipe or something similar from a stall. The stallholder, however, had spotted him and as the thief walked off he called out to him: 'I saw you take that and do you know what? You're a cunt. I know it, all the people around now know it but worst of all - you know it yourself. You're a cunt.' 

It's an incident I've always remembered because in the rarified atmosphere of the festival where everyone was turned on and tuned in via copious drug use, the accusation hung heavy.

Steal This Book also offers advice on dumpster diving and eating for free, living off the out-of-date food thrown out by supermarkets. This is all well and good if needed but to advocate it as a way of living rather than a way of survival is ridiculous. I remember during the late Nineties or thereabout when I was living in Bristol and there was a Swampy-like campaign to stop the expansion of a quarry in a place called Ashton Court.

The campaigners/activists were filmed confronting the contractors who were there with their diggers and whatnot, and the contractors - who were all ordinary working men - were being harangued. The contractors were very calmly and very politely explaining they were just ordinary blokes working to pay their bills and to feed their families, whilst the activists were telling them they should find another way of living. 'How are we meant to eat? How are we meant to feed our kids?' one of the contractors asked, to which one of the activists replied 'You could dumpster dive'.

The lack of any sense of class consciousness on the activists part (whose spokesperson's father was an airline pilot) was shocking.

For all this, there are bits of Steal This Book that still has some semblance of relevance such as the advice on how to create posters and newspapers, for example. In today's age of the Internet and social media this is less important than it used to be but it's still useful to a point.

'If your scene doesn't have a paper,' Abbie Hoffman writes 'You probably don't have a scene together'. Which is kind of true, even if the 'paper' nowadays is an online one.

Abbie Hoffman was an interesting and somewhat important character during the Sixties, and Steal This Book serves as a reminder of the state of play back then. There are lessons to be learned here. One of the most telling things about the book, however, is that it was written whilst Abbie was in jail. Make of that what you will.

John Serpico

A Spy In The House Of Love - Anais Nin

A SPY IN THE HOUSE OF LOVE - ANAIS NIN

There's that thing, isn't there, about how men might only read Playboy magazine or Men Only for the articles? Well, that can go also for reading Anais Nin and A Spy In The House Of Love that I've just read due only to Nin's connection with Henry Miller whose work I greatly admire. And it's just as well, really, for if I had read it for the sex, I'd have been mightily disappointed.

A Spy In The House Of Love is a book you read for the art, for it being the voice of a woman that when stood alongside the likes of Henry Miller, Lawrence Durrell, Antonin Artaud and even John Steinbeck, can hold its own. It's a book that when reading, you need to change down a gear so as to be on the same contemplative level as the author. Once you do this, there can be at moments what Patti Smith once called a 'brainiac-amour', where the inner voice of Anais Nin swirls up from the pages and talks to you over the passage of the years.

What comes across and between the lines is a desire for liberation. To be as free as some men appeared to be back then in 1954 when it was first published - but more so. Free of attachment. Free of dependency. Free to love and to not love. Liberation also from the monotony of repetition and the idea that there is only one of everything: One birth, one childhood, one adolescence, one romance, one marriage, one maturity, one ageing, one death. There being the desire instead for the myriad and the infinite multiplicity of experience.

This is what A Spy In The House Of Love is about. The desire for more. The desire for something greater than that which is offered. The desire to move beyond and above. The desire for love and life beyond the given. A Spy In The House Of Love is about the ardent frenzy of desire and all that it entails.

John Serpico