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Today's featured article – HowTo:Become a Pope

Welcome. This is a print-out-and-keep guide if you fancy a career change. There is also available a translation in Latin. Now pray and read the rest of this guide. We are talking about you can Become a Pope.

So let's fill you in with a bit of background. First you will have to be a Catholic and male. We know this may be an impediment to many of you but the church is very broad these days. The Popehood is open to all, but you do need to wear pants and not be a gossip.

There is now a minimum and maximum age to become pope. You also need to be a cardinal to be a papal candidate, though that rule came in about 1,000 years ago. Since you can only become a cardinal once you reach your 35th birthday, that is now the minimum age to become pope. The maximum age for a pope is 80, a rule brought in only in the 1960s. (more...)

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Previously featured article – Norse Korea

Norse Korea is a land shrouded in mystery, where the thunder of war echoes not only across its borders but also in the halls of Valhalla. The country's leader, Kim Jong Odin, is known for his legendary prowess in keeping a tight grip on the helm of his snowy kingdom — just as Thor would grip Mjolnir, only with slightly less thunderous applause. (more...)

Did you know ...

... that angry thoroughbred horses always play the race card? (pictured)
... I'm ready for my closeup, Mr. DeMille.
... that Uranus is a gas giant?
... that it was I who let the dogs out?
... that the oozy, off-colored mound of bloody what-ever-it-is stretching its way out of what used to be a tiny hole is a baby's head?
... that anyone who dies at Disneyland receives a free lifetime pass?
... Samuel L. Jackson or Scarlett Johansson have appeared in every minor and major Hollywood movie since 2017?

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On this day

April 10: Smoke-'Em-if-Ya-Got-'Em Day

250 million BCE - While it is unclear whether the Siberian Traps were responsible for the Permian-Triassic extinction event, it is known that its volcanoes smoked up to 5 packs of unfiltered cigarettes a day while playing cards.
1490 - Juan Ponce de Leon discovers the Fountain of Youth in Florida, shrugs and sets up a retirement community around it.
1919 - Colombian guerrilla lord Juan Valdez invents coffee.
1926 - Polio victim FDR still can't feel his legs; So he feels up Lucy Mercer instead. This would cause friction at the Yalta Conference when he feels Stalin's hand on her leg.
1952 - Kellogg's Cereals introduces Atomic-O's claiming that there are "vitamins, minerals and Uranium257 in each glowing bite."
1959 - Basic Instinct starring Sharon Stone's nether regions is released.
1962 - Billy finds papa's smokes. He's got 'em, he smokes 'em.
1964 - Professor Andmaryann discovers coconuts.
1970 - Paul McCartney announces Beatles breakup, and everybody tokes.
1989 - PPPPPPPP Emma Pie is birthed, not in a galaxy far far away, but near your local convenience store dairy section.
1996 - Tired of being ridiculed by fans, Michael Jackson finally admits, yes, it does matter whether you're black or white, and to get a pay raise, he turns white.
2005 - Dennis Rodman's hair develops sentience, takes over South America.
2006 - MIT scientist discover that "crack iz wack".
2007 - Hundreds injured while trying to grab bargains at the After Easter Markdown Days Sale at KKK-Mart in Gritlyville, Missouri. "Oh, the humanity!"
2012 - Al Gore drops out of presidential race after revealing photos of him and Michel Moore trading carbon offsets is published in the German magazine Siegessaeule.

Today's featured picture

St. Michael the Archangel attempts to slay Charles Darwin to prevent him from revealing Michael's horrible secret. Darwin, belonging to the fitter of the species, survived.

Image credit: Isra1337

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