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The Secure Husband

M. Bruce Abbott, M.A, CPC

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A Secure Husband no longer seeks validation from his wife—he stands strong in self-worth, meets his own emotional needs, and leads with confidence and clarity. I’ve been where you are, and I’m here to help you break free from old patterns, reclaim your strength, and transform your marriage from the inside out.
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From FA to Secure AF: How Attachment Science Changed My Life...For Real. From the moment I discovered attachment science, everything – literally EV-ERY-THING – about every relationship I'd ever been in finally made sense. And now, I'm learning what it takes to earn my attachment security and have awesome, healthy relationships moving forward. We'll dive into the mind-blowing and freakishly accurate world of attachment science, my childhood, my relationships, and my journey of going from FA t ...
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https://beacons.ai/justinavictoria Welcome to "So Hard," the podcast that gives guidance on all matters of the male heart, hosted by Justina Victoria, Psychosexual Expert for Men and Couples. This podcast aims to guide men on a journey of self-discovery, healing, strong mental health and fulfillment in love and life. We cover unique topics like the principles of seduction, elevated masturbation, nervous system regulation, unblending from destructive narratives, sexual anxieties, healing inse ...
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What qualities define this attachment style (helplessness, etc) and how does this impede on your ability to play and have fun? What's the greater impact on your life? What's the path for healing, and how does play factor into this? 👉🏼 Join us LIVE for our Family Archaeology Half-Day retreat ⁠ Home for the Holidays from the Attachment Perspective⁠ W…
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Most men feel alone, even when they are married, have kids, and stay busy. On the outside you look strong. On the inside you feel tired, unseen, and on your own. This episode of The Secure Husband is about why you need other men in your life. Not just buddies. Brothers. We talk about why isolation is so dangerous, why male connection feels differen…
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This episode explains why avoidant wives do not change just because you try harder, love harder, or communicate harder. You will learn why anxious husbands bend, shrink, and plead for intimacy while avoidant partners pull away, protect themselves, and stay distant. We break down what actually causes avoidant wives to grow, why comfort blocks change…
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Happy Wednesday, everyone! Welcome back to The Attachment Confessions! Today's episode features part 2 of our conversation with Brent Stokes – our very first lived-experience Dismissive Avoidant guest. Last week, Brent took us on a journey through his childhood, highlighting how his dismissive avoidant insecure attachment formed. On today's episode…
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How people sometimes use meditation to avoid intimacy, and how to re-engage relationally while maintaining practice. Try our free video resource "The Main Signs of Attachment Disturbance " and learn how to identify core attachment disturbances, move beyond the challenges and live a truly meaningful life. Get it now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mettagroup.org/st…
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This episode explains why anxious and avoidant partners often feel drawn to each other, why the early red flags felt invisible, and how brain chemistry can hide major differences during the infatuation stage. You will learn how repetition compulsion shapes attraction, how your nervous system pulls you toward familiar patterns, and how to break the …
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What's up, everybody! Welcome back to The Attachment Confessions! On today's episode, I'm SUPER pumped to introduce you guys to a brand-new series we'll be doing from time to time here on The Attachment Confessions – Guest Lived Experiences! My confessions fam knows my Fearful Avoidant woes all too well, so I figured we should spice things up and h…
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This episode explains why anxious husbands overshare to feel seen, and why avoidant wives shut down when they feel pressure. I walk you through clear patterns, simple steps, and grounded actions that help you stop chasing approval and start leading yourself with calm strength. You will learn how to grow without performing, share without pressure, a…
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This episode explains why your wife pulls away when you reach for closeness. I break down 10 clear traits of avoidant attachment and show simple ways to respond with calm, respect, and strength. You will learn how to stop chasing, reduce pressure, and build safety without losing yourself. Who This Helps: - Married men who feel invisible or shut out…
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What's up, everyone! Welcome to The Attachment Confessions! We've made it to episode 10 – double digits, baby! Today we are taking our previous discussion on narcissism a step further and examining the most painful duo that exists – the narcissist / codependent toxic relationship dynamic. From an attachment lens, the codependent partner subconsciou…
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This episode explains why you look confident on the outside but still do not feel “enough” at home. I show how a hidden worth wound drives chasing, fixing, people-pleasing, and fear of conflict. You will learn simple steps to calm your body, keep your truth, and build real safety with your wife without begging for approval. What You’ll Learn: How a…
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How does Metta practice support attachment repair? How does this fit within the greater Mettagroup Method approach? Try our free video resource "The Main Signs of Attachment Disturbance " and learn how to identify core attachment disturbances, move beyond the challenges and live a truly meaningful life. Get it now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mettagroup.org/start…
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You do not create safety by shrinking. You create safety by staying rooted. This episode is for anxious or preoccupied men who feel they must keep the peace at all costs. You try to fix her mood. You say you are fine when you are not. You over-apologize and over-give. You disappear to avoid conflict. This does not build trust. It builds pressure. I…
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Sex fights often are not about sex. They are about safety. If you have anxious attachment and your wife leans avoidant, your needs and her needs clash. You reach for closeness to feel calm. She steps back to feel safe. This episode explains why that happens and what to do instead. You will learn how to bring calm, invite freedom, and rebuild desire…
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Hey Hey, everybody! Welcome to episode 9 of The Attachment Confessions! On today’s episode, we're doing a deep dive into a topic that a number of you have asked me about – narcissists. Particularly, where does narcissism fall on the attachment spectrum? When it comes to how the two of these coincide, there actually is no correlation at all whatsoev…
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If you keep trying harder in your marriage and she keeps pulling away, you’re not crazy — and you’re not failing. You may just be anxious attached, and she may be avoidant attached. That means the way you try to connect may feel like pressure to her, even if your heart is in the right place. This episode breaks down 10 common things anxious husband…
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Do you feel anxious when your wife pulls away or goes quiet? Do you replay conversations and overanalyze every text? You’re not weak—you’re just carrying an anxious attachment style. This episode breaks down 10 clear truths about anxious attachment and how to find calm, strength, and security in love. You’ll hear real stories, simple examples, and …
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Why attachment wounds heal best in safe relational contexts (mentorship, IPF, romantic, community), not in isolation and how it plays out. Try our free video resource "The Main Signs of Attachment Disturbance " and learn how to identify core attachment disturbances, move beyond the challenges and live a truly meaningful life. Get it now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠…
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What’s up, everybody! Welcome to EPISODE 8 of The Attachment Confessions!! Guys – We’ve hit a milestone making it this far. Fun fact – 90% of podcasts don’t make it past episode 7, which is B-A-N-A-N-A-S. But here we are, episode 8 baby! Thank you so much for giving me space in your life and joining me on this attachment healing adventure! It serio…
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Do you try harder and feel her pull away? This episode explains why neediness kills attraction and how you can shift into calm, steady leadership. You will learn clear steps to stop people-pleasing, hold your frame, and rebuild trust and desire. What you’ll learn: What neediness is and how it shows up Why pressure destroys safety and desire How to …
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Do you push for sex to feel wanted, but still feel empty after? This episode explains why sex can turn into control, not connection. You will learn how to stop chasing validation and start building real safety, trust, and closeness. What you’ll learn (clear and simple): Why chasing sex often hides a need for validation How fear and shame turn desir…
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Have you ever left a couples counseling session feeling punished for being honest? Maybe you opened up, shared something vulnerable, and instead of connection — you got silence, coldness, or distance. You start thinking, “Why did I even bother saying anything?” You’re not crazy. You’re not weak. And you’re definitely not alone. In this episode of T…
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How do different Attachment strategies go about getting their needs met? Try our free video resource "The Main Signs of Attachment Disturbance " and learn how to identify core attachment disturbances, move beyond the challenges and live a truly meaningful life. Get it now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mettagroup.org/start-here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Mettagroup was founded by George…
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Have you ever calmly expressed your needs to your wife — only for her to be annoyed, angry, or shut down? You’re not yelling. You’re not blaming. You’re finally speaking with emotional maturity… and yet, she still treats your needs like they’re too much. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott breaks down what’s really happening…
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What's up, guys! Thanks so much for stopping by for episode 7 of The Attachment Confessions! Today we're continuing our breakup series with an episode featuring some sure-fire ways to stay strong during the dreadful post-breakup season, including a spotlight on one pro tip in particular that has gained massive popularity over the last few years amo…
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Do you ever catch yourself saying something to your wife or kids and think, “ugh… that sounded just like my dad”? No matter how hard you try to be different, you keep falling into the same emotional patterns — anger, withdrawal, people-pleasing, shame, or silence. And deep down, you worry you’ll pass it all down to your kids too. In this episode of…
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Do you feel like your brain never stops? Like you’re constantly replaying conversations, analyzing your wife’s tone, or second-guessing everything you said? Overthinking can drain your energy, destroy your peace, and make your marriage feel heavier than it already is. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott walks you through why…
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We continue our series on Abandonment Terror and focus on Disorganized People experience it. Try our free video resource "The Main Signs of Attachment Disturbance " and learn how to identify core attachment disturbances, move beyond the challenges and live a truly meaningful life. Get it now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mettagroup.org/start-here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Mettagroup w…
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Do you ever feel like your whole life is a performance — constantly trying to please others, keep the peace, or avoid judgment? You say yes when you mean no. You hold back what you really think. You feel anxious if someone’s upset with you. Deep down, you’re tired of it — but you don’t know how to stop. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast…
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Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “I don’t even know who I am anymore”? Maybe you’re always keeping the peace, saying “it’s fine” when it’s not, or pretending your needs don’t matter. That’s not strength — that’s self-abandonment. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott breaks down what it really means to lose yourself in …
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What's up, everyone! Welcome back for episode 6 of The Attachment Confessions! Today's episode centers around one of the questions I get asked most about when it comes to attachment – Breakups. UGH. Breakups. The dreaded B word. Breakups. Are. The. Worst. But just like so many other things when it comes to how we handle the highs and lows of relati…
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Have you ever tried to share something real with your wife — your loneliness, stress, or sadness — and she just shuts down? Maybe she goes quiet, gets defensive, or seems to disappear emotionally. You’re left standing there, wondering what just happened — and why you feel worse for even trying. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce A…
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Can a man really be happy in a marriage without sex? Most husbands facing this question feel torn — wanting to stay faithful and kind, but also feeling unseen, rejected, and empty. You’re not broken for wanting intimacy. You’re not selfish for craving connection. You’re human. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott shares the s…
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We continue our series on Abandonment Terror and focus on Preoccupied People experience it. Try our free video resource "The Main Signs of Attachment Disturbance " and learn how to identify core attachment disturbances, move beyond the challenges and live a truly meaningful life. Get it now at ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠mettagroup.org/start-here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Mettagroup was …
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Do you ever pull away when things finally start to go right? Maybe your marriage starts improving, your business gains traction, or you feel more confident than ever — and then you suddenly check out, pick a fight, or quit. That’s self-sabotage. And it’s more common than you think. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott explain…
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Hello everybody! Welcome to The Attachment Confessions! Thanks so much for joining me for Episode 5 – Why Fostering Secure Attachment In Our Kids Is So Crucial. In today's episode, we take a deeper dive into one of the early attachment experiments that our guest from episode 4, Brie Neil, mentioned toward the beginning of our conversation – Mary Ai…
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Do you feel resentful toward your wife because of a lack of sex in your marriage? You’re not alone. Many men in sexless or low-sex marriages feel lonely, rejected, and ashamed. Resentment builds — not because you’re bad or broken, but because your deeper pain has gone unspoken. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott shares the …
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Do you reach for a drink to take the edge off? Do you tell yourself it’s “just to relax” — but deep down you know it’s about numbing? Many men use alcohol to escape feelings of shame, stress, and loneliness. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott explores how alcohol becomes less about celebration and more about self-abandonmen…
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What is this common phenomenon? How does each attachment strategy orient toward abandonment terror? How should you approach overcoming it, based on your attachment strategy? Try our free video resource "The Main Signs of Attachment Disturbance " and learn how to identify core attachment disturbances, move beyond the challenges and live a truly mean…
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What's up, guys?! Happy Wednesday! I am SO incredibly excited to have my VERY FIRST guest on the pod with me today!!! Brie Neil joins The Attachment Confessions to nerd-out with me on all things attachment science! Brie is a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in attachment. She is the owner of Thrive Counseling Clinic in Tulsa, Oklahoma, …
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Are you walking on eggshells in your marriage? Do you feel like nothing you do is ever enough, or that your needs are always dismissed? Many men wonder if they’re simply in a hard season… or if what they’re in has crossed the line into toxic. In this episode of The Secure Husband Podcast, Bruce Abbott shares what it means to face the truth about yo…
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