Mansplaining

It's hard to surprise this old blogger. But sometimes I can be shocked. Particularly by a male blogger who considers himself a feminist.I won't use names here but suffice to say that I've been following and commenting on his blog for a very long time. And he on mine.

Naturally, over the years, we have accrued readers in common who regularly comment. Some commentators are fairly detailed in comments on my blog and on others. A trait that charms me. Imagine readers taking the time to evaluate carefully and comment and offer well thought out, often opposing opinions. Some take exception to that. I watch a lot of this unfold on others' blogs but rarely on mine. A battle of insults ensues, often ad hominem attacks which I have always deemed unfair unless the writer writes from a lofty privileged platform and not from personal experience - i.e. monolithically condemning great swathes of the population for having the effrontery to be fat or alcoholic or consuming mindlessly, take your pick.

I truly don't write to have an army of sycophants worshipping at the altar of my deathless prose. I write from experience and often receive personal emails from readers looking for help with addiction or grief or loneliness or depression or even knitting. Many I meet in the flesh, many are supportive - for instance when Grandgirl was in India, a long time blogger friend offered to look out for her.

But the email I received the other day took my breath away in its condescending mansplaining. I was told, in no uncertain terms, not to "encourage" a female blogger whose comments were "upsetting" him. To stop "taking her side". And please note I have rarely, if ever, commented on a comment on anyone else's blog. And certainly not on his.

I'll let that sink in for a minute there.

Note that my opinion and regard for this blogger was completely shoved aside in his subjective consideration. He just needed to set me straight as to how he "felt" and how her "accusations" and "put downs" were going on a long time. That was all that was important.

Well, heat and kitchen come to mind. Seriously.

I will also note that the blogger he refers to has never, ever, upset me in any way.

In fact she has been incredibly supportive through grief and depression.

I guess I should take my ladybrain and scurry back to the kitchen and forget this blogging business and leave it to the Big Boyz who know what's best for bloggers like me, you think?

On Thinking and Mansplaining and Blogmeets, Oh My!

"The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking."
- A.A. Milne

I am happiest when I’m thinking.
I wouldn’t say it was first rate thinking, Merely thinking. Imagining.
Such as:
Plot twists in stories I’m writing.
Creating knitting patterns.
Wondering if all children were to learn complete self-sufficiency at an early age (growing, weaving, sewing, building, fixing, etc.) would they create a saner world.
Designing a bookcase out of some old encyclopaedias and some gorgeous flat colouredy driftwood that floated into the bay recently. How would that work, say.
How many flat beachstones would it take for the patio I’m building at the back of the house and would camomile grow in Newfoundland?
How long before the global economy completely collapses and how will my dear in- denial friends cope?
Can I get the planned cabin at the top of the hill at the back of my property completely off the grid and where would I start with the plans for this?
How NOT to look like I’m thinking when at an extended-family dinner last night and an older man mansplains¹ at me about snow in July in Newfoundland when I’ve just finished talking about the lovely summers there. And he’d never been to Newfoundland. I drift off into my head when that happens and smile and remember my social graces. And.Let.It.Go. That takes some creative thinking, right?


¹ Mansplain: to delighting in condescending, inaccurate explanations delivered with rock solid confidence of rightness and that slimy certainty that of course he is right, because he is the man in this conversation e.g.: "Even though he knew she had an advanced degree in neuroscience, he felt the need to mansplain "there are molecules in the brain called neurotransmitters."
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PS And oh, how wonderful it was to blogmeet once more with Annie today over a great Indian lunch and more great chat!

And the icing on the cake is another planned blogmeet, this time a first with Tessa on Wednesday!